Wednesday, March 04, 2009

There's a bathroom on the right...

I am currently staying at my sister's pool house. It sucks. Ass. It's 8:15pm and the neighbors son has a band. My sister just told me they play until the noise curfew, which is 10pm. AWESOME. There is an HDTV in the poolhouse, but there's no dish. BUT there is an Xbox. However, I haven't had enough energy to play or watch a DVD, I normally just get in and watch some TV and then fall asleep. We STILL haven't funded yet because the jackholes at the escrow company have their heads up their asses. My realtor said that unless there's an earthquake tomorrow (Wednesday) it will fund. With my luck, there will be an earthquake tomorrow.

Apparently, the Dodgers are finally close to signing Manny. Other reports still say he's gonna retire. Who the fuck knows anymore. Until he's in a uniform and at the plate for his first at bat, I will refuse to believe any news either way. Apparently, the deal he's supposed to agree to is a new offer, different from the one he turned down the other day, but similar to the one that he turned down four months ago. Fuck. You. Scott. Boras.

So Jay Cutler got his panties in a bunch because the Broncos new coach and the new general manager tried to trade him. Way to show some leadership and maturity there Jay. No wonder they were trying to get rid of you. It's a business, jackass, what did you expect would happen with a regime change? Everything I've read, people are siding with Cutler, saying that they shouldn't have listened to a trade offer or actively shopped him. Cutler's good, he has potential, but he's not untouchable. He finished 16th in Quarterback rating. He had the second highest amount of INTs. He's lucky he got voted in by the fans to the Pro Bowl, because his stats are just average. And he's got two pretty good receivers. Kurt Warner, now there's a dude that deserves a couple of Brinks trucks full of money. Apparently, he told his agent to offer the Cards a 2-year, $23 million contract. Now the players have to offer the team a contract? You stay classy Cards front office.

According to Spiff, the Coast Guard has stopped searching for those lost fishing dudes. That sucks. Another reason to never go deep sea fishing.

What is going on in Denver? George Karl tried to pull Mello out of a game and he refused. And the George Karl Team Implosion™ officially begins. I gotta say, I thought this would have already happened by now. I don't understand why Mello basically gets a free pass every time he does something stupid either. Let's look at the list: bar fight, bag of maryjuana*, cameo in the "Stop Snitching" DVD, refused to play at the end of a game, slapped a dude and then ran like a bitch, drunk driving, and now, we've got refused to come out of a game. If I was the Nuggs GM, I would have traded him a long time ago.

Speaking of egotistical ball players, I think it's awesome that Ray Lewis is still a free agent. Dude has a real high opinion of himself. Ravens have a three-year $24 million offer on the table, but apparently Ray was insulted by the offer and is officially mad at the entire Ravens organization. The problem is, no one else is calling about him. I really hope he ends up signing with the Raiders. It would be awesome to see him come off of the field and kill the linebacker coach after a terrible defensive series in week 13, when they have an 0-12 record, and they're getting blown out by KC at home game. It would be a glorious meltdown.

And I'm out.

283 comments:

1 – 200 of 283   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Another T post and another tag of "Scott Boras can lick my taint". Well done.

tem said...

T is a good poster.

Beth said...

Although there was a lot of "woe is me" in the first paragraph.

tem said...

woe is a pillar of lov.

Beth said...

So is making fun of woe.

tem said...

indeed

tem said...

i am in an unusually good mood today.

no clue why.

tem said...

although i just went downstairs to deal with the idiots down there.

so now i am in less of a good mood.

Beth said...

That should make you in a better mood as it just reinforces how you are NOT an idiot.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Blue said...

"i am in an unusually good mood today.

no clue why."


because it's friday

Blue said...

probably reported last night, but supposedly the guys who are "lost at sea" just gave up after like 4 hours and took their life jackets off and floated away.

tem said...

"It's all a matter of perspective."

i get in a bad mood because i can't just fire them all.

tem said...

"probably reported last night, but supposedly the guys who are "lost at sea" just gave up after like 4 hours and took their life jackets off and floated away."

i assume the one dude who decided to hang onto the boat said this?

Blue said...

yep, that's what he told the families.

supposedly the NFL players union is going to conduct it's own search.

I'd think that if a dude said "they gave up and floated away" you'd probably quit looking for them.

tem said...

quitters never win.

tem said...

"supposedly the NFL players union is going to conduct it's own search."

seems like a waste of money, but whatever.

tem said...

maybe the players union has better equipment than the air force and coast guard.

Beth said...

I don't want Mize to scold me later (s) so let me go ahead and say:

GOLF PICKS!

Blue said...

i can just see Warren Sapp on his boat floating around in the ocean yelling "Marquis Cooooooooooper" "Hey Y'all, where are you"

tem said...

so you do want him to scold you?

Blue said...

beth has been a very bad girl,

she needs a spankin

tem said...

"Warren Sapp on his boat "


he'd have at least 5 life vests on and probably make sure he was holding a rope that was tied to land so people could find him.

tem said...

they should just have a BBQ out on the ocean. marquis would just show up and of course not bring anything.

Beth said...

"so you do want him to scold you?"

Actually, I meant I'm not doing it cause I'm afraid of being scolded. I don't care either way about being scolded by him.

tem said...

they could just take some fried chicken out there and marquis would find them.

tem said...

damn beth ruined my racist Z.

tem said...

so beth doesn't mind the spankin from mize....got it.

Blue said...

fat guys love boating and chicken and beer

tem said...

my next one was going to be that they aren't lost, they are just on CPT and will be back when they get back.

Beth said...

"damn beth ruined my racist Z

It was for your own good.

tem said...

it was not.

Blue said...

so blue's dating advise blog is getting lots of positive feedback from interweb nerds

tem said...

no it isn't

tem said...

i wonder if el pad is dead.

Beth said...

No you don't.

Beth said...

swidt?

tem said...

i see, but you are wrong.

i really do wonder.

Blue said...

"no it isn't"

says you

Blue said...

tem does wonder because he worries about who would post on fridays then.

maybe blue's dating advise would have to be a friday guest

tem said...

from the dead bat guy story:


"In January, Shwam called Odom's cell phone, seeing if he wanted to pitch this year for a team in Alexandria, La., but got only his voice mail. A few weeks later, Shwam learned that Odom was dead.

"I was shocked," he said. "Unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me."

Blue said...

what is it, are you shocked, or not surprised.

tem said...

"maybe blue's dating advise would have to be a friday guest"

sold. now i don't worry about el pad.

tem said...

"what is it, are you shocked, or not surprised."

exactly...that line had me laughing.

i am going to work that into conversation at least 3 times today.

Meiz said...

"GOLF PICKS!"


Spank you very much, hun.

Blue said...

how am i doing in the golf league

tem said...

great

tem said...

your performance is shocking, but unfortunately not surprising.

Beth said...

"your performance is shocking, but unfortunately not surprising."

There's 1.

Blue said...

i wouldn't use "unfortunately"

makes it too wordy

"your performance is shocking, but i'm not surprised"

Meiz said...

Sweet. Braden Looper might start his season on the disabled list.

Blue said...

braden looper on the DL is shocking, but i'm not surprised

Meiz said...

Fuck U2

tem said...

"i wouldn't use "unfortunately""

neither would I, but that's what the article said, so that's what i'm going to say.

Beth said...

"Fuck U2"

I would if I could...

Meiz said...

"I would if I could..."


Dear god, no. Those guys are like 60.

Blue said...

no thanks meiz

but i appreciate the offer

Beth said...

"Dear god, no. Those guys are like 60."

Well maybe not all of them, but he IS bono. And I just looked it up, he's "only" 48.

tem said...

does he have a law degree?

Meiz said...

"does he have a law degree?"


Oh, this could be a potential deal breaker

Beth said...

He gets a pass.

Did I mention it's Bono?

Meiz said...

Bono eats newborns. Why would you want to be associated with that?

tem said...

also i heard he was really just a big walking pile of shit.

Beth said...

Try not to be so obvious about being jealous. :-)

Blue said...

bono is irish.

irish suck

El Padrino said...

bronchitis

tem said...

beth likes the attention

El Padrino said...

whoa

El Padrino said...

beth likes old balls now?

tem said...

"bronchitis"

are you home again?

Beth said...

"beth likes the attention"

This should surprise you but not shock you.

El Padrino said...

isnt the manny deal the same one he rejected a few days ago

35MM this year
20MM next year

El Padrino said...

*25MM

tem said...

who is manny?

El Padrino said...

"are you home again?"

absolutely

bronchitis could be parlayed into the rest of the week

spaceman spiff said...

"beth likes old balls now?"

bono is on the 10 year plan

Meiz said...

For Caput Mundi being the greatest place on earth, you sure seem to get sick a lot.

El Padrino said...

"For Caput Mundi being the greatest place on earth, you sure seem to get sick a lot."

last time i was sick was 3/08/08 according to the DR. yesterday

clown

El Padrino said...

and the more people the more germs


ape

Meiz said...

"last time i was sick was 3/08/08 according to the DR. yesterday"


You don't have to go to the Dr to be deemed sick.

numbnut

Blue said...

that would be less > than a year ago.

Blue said...

damn dirty apes

Meiz said...

I prefer to be away from germs


amoeba

tem said...

HUNGRY

tem said...

market is up because el pad is at home.

market hates el pad.

El Padrino said...

"numbnut"

bitch cold's dont count

dick nose

Meiz said...

Can you speak up? I can't hear you up here.

Meiz said...

Having a cold is being sick

El Padrino said...

havent heard that one yet























S

El Padrino said...

"Having a cold is being sick"

no one stays home wif a cold, so it's not being sick

sick is missing work

in my book

Blue said...

"haven't heard that one"

maybe because sound doesn't travel down that well

Meiz said...

Your face is S

El Padrino said...

your face is sick

El Padrino said...

"maybe because sound doesn't travel down that well"

alto better

Meiz said...

I see we ran out of insults

spaceman spiff said...

manny deal finally done

Meiz said...

The Breer's swooped in and signed Manny!

spaceman spiff said...

meiz you forgot to make that comment a fake link

Meiz said...

I thought about it after the fact

Meiz said...

See? And the dumb bitch give people price quotes/estimates that are way off. So now when the lady comes in to ship it, its $12 more than what the dumb fuck told her, and I look like I'm trying to rip her off.

tem said...

but aren't you?

tem said...

there is leftover cake and ice cream for today.

tem said...

sigh, fucking tem just returned from lunch wall.

tem said...

woe

Meiz said...

"but aren't you?"


No. Meiz does not rip people off.

Meiz said...

YES! Dummy called in sick.

tem said...

el pad called in sick.

Meiz said...

This is incredibly zoidberg

tem said...

indeed

Blue said...

meiz is

Keith S said...

"I am currently staying at my sister's pool house."

Tyler is the fresh prince of the sherm

Keith S said...

EP gets sick a lot because he has a smaller immune system

tem said...

hi as. how is the honeymoon so far?

Blue said...

beginning

beggining

beginig

spaceman spiff said...

keef are you bored with hawaii yet

Keith S said...

Hawaii is ok. It's raining too much

Keith S said...

"keef are you bored with hawaii yet"

Not bored yet. We're heading up north today. I might be bored by tomorrow.

tem said...

"It's raining too much"

more reason to stay inside then.

tem said...

"We're heading up north today"

to where? seattle?

Keith S said...

"more reason to stay inside then."

I can do that at home.

Keith S said...

"to where? seattle?"

No, it rains there too

Keith S said...

peas

tem said...

and carrots

tem said...

and walls

tem said...

"I can do that at home."

you can go outside at home too.

JFreak said...

Pranks are hilarity.

Meiz said...

What do I want for my birthday?

tem said...

nekkid chicks?

Blue said...

new mouse.

it's zippy fast

Beth said...

West VA hates Barbie.

tem said...

that legislator is a douche.

tem said...

really though, I am shocked, but unfortunately, not surprised.

Blue said...

i used "shocked but not surprised" in an email

Beth said...

Good use of shocked but not surprised Tem.

Blue said...

my paycheck was $50 more than last time...


thanks Obama

tem said...

i wish my paycheck would go up.

Beth said...

A couple of attorneys here trust me to edit their letters if I think I can make them sound better, so I'm going to start looking for one where I can add "shocked but not surprised".

tem said...

didn't think the obama stuff would hit for another month, at least.

tem said...

soon "shocked but not surprised" will be on the office.

hi office writers.

tem said...

meeting

Blue said...

"didn't think the obama stuff would hit for another month, at least."

yeah, i'm confused by it. I thought it wasn't supposed to start until April-ish

kodiac said...

yeah, i'm confused by it. I thought it wasn't supposed to start until April-ish

I think he said after March 1st in his quasi-State of the Union address

Blue said...

ah, kod with the clarifications

good job kod

Blue said...

how long does it run?

obviously i can't ask EP these questions, his salary is well above the limits.

Meiz said...

big floppy donkey dick

spaceman spiff said...

stro swift to suns

drew gooden to spurs

Blue said...

the drew gooden thing pisses me off.

fuck the spurs

why couldn't the nuggets sign gooden. shoulda claimed him off waivers.

spaceman spiff said...

hopefully gooden stays injured

Meiz said...

Why the hell was Gooden even on waivers?

Blue said...

i guess if the nugs had signed him off waivers they would have had to pick up his salary though

tem said...

"how long does it run?"

till the end of the year.


also i still think that it means you will be getting about $400 less refund (per person, so $800 if you are married) on your 2009 taxes (that you file in 2010).

tem said...

although many of my accounting friends disagree with me on that point. they say there will be a line on the 2009 1040 giving you a credit for it (non-fundable because you already received it).

Blue said...

*$800 if you are married and your wife works

Blue said...

fuck the IRS tax code

tem said...

"*$800 if you are married and your wife works"

yes.

tem said...

Bono is a tax dodger Beth.

Meiz said...

"also i still think that it means you will be getting about $400 less refund (per person, so $800 if you are married) on your 2009 taxes (that you file in 2010)."


Well that blows

Blue said...

so does your face

Beth said...

"Bono is a tax dodger Beth"

Cool, more money for him to spend on me.

tem said...

"Well that blows"

its just what i think...i have tons of friends who think differently.

tem said...

"Cool, more money for him to spend on me."

until he has to fork over tons of cash and then axes you for a loan.

Beth said...

That'd be when I went back to lawyers.

tem said...

you just have it all planned out don't you?

tem said...

I am shocked, but unfortunately, not surprised.

tem said...

hhhmmmm, wall

Beth said...

"you just have it all planned out don't you?"

Of course, didn't you with efmtem...ummm, never mind.

tem said...

tem UFC picks:

Jackson over Jardine (KO)

Carwin over Gonzaga (2nd round TKO)

Miller over Maynard (submission)

Hamill over Munoz (late stoppage or decision)

Sell over Brown (who cares)



Notes:
I am really torn on the Carwin/Gonzaga fight, I really have no clue what's going to happen...even less of a clue than usual. (Shocking, but not surprising)

Also this is a terrible card. Just a terrible fucking card. If you relied on my picks in the past (by either picking against them or for them) I wouldn't do it this time. This card is trash and it is just a bunch of nobodys, except for the main event, which is a shitty main event.

tem said...

"Of course, didn't you with efmtem...ummm, never mind."


ahahahaaha temgagements jokes are the best.

tem said...

reese witherspoon is asking for an end to domestic violence.

thanks reese, now that you have asked i am sure it will stop.

really i just wonder why she didn't ask before.

Blue said...

yeah, that was kind of irresponsible of her don't you think

i'm shocked and outraged by this, but it doesn't surprise me

El Padrino said...

today sucked apparentely

El Padrino said...

woody paige is an ass

tem said...

yes, today sucked.

we ruined a good post by T.


and by we i mean you.

tem said...

"woody paige is an ass"

well known fact.

Meiz said...

Terrible facebook group: "Let's Make 9/11 A National Holiday"




Yeah, great idea. Lets all take the day off to celebrate Nine fucking Eleven. What a joyous occasion that was.

Beth said...

"ahahahaaha temgagements jokes are the best"

Short EP jokes are gaining but I don't ever see them passing temgagement jokes for overall hilarity.

El Padrino said...

"and by we i mean you."

i am shamed.

El Padrino said...

short jokes are a phase

El Padrino said...

i'm starving, i think my appetite is back

tem said...

TWSS

tem said...

"i am shamed."

that's what you get for making out with an aztec boy and getting his bronchitis.

tem said...

meiz can move, cnn.com headline:


Frigid Saskatchewan a jobs 'hot spot'

Meiz said...

EP should wear a SARS mask on the train.

El Padrino said...

people do that ya know

weirdos

tem said...

they may be wierd, but they aren't home sick.

El Padrino said...

impatient

El Padrino said...

"they may be wierd, but they aren't home sick."

how do you know?

tem said...

why do you assume i don't know?

El Padrino said...

are you filling in for as. this week?

El Padrino said...

keef fuck your wife and stay off the blog

cheers!

tem said...

do you miss as. already?

Meiz said...

I could do Saskatchewan

Meiz said...

"do you miss as. already?"


LoVAD misses as.hole

tem said...

i am going home before people at work ask me to do stuff.

El Padrino said...

"Incarceration is a huge inconvenience in anyone’s life."


Today's Maurice Claret entry.

Really Maurice, uh. Never figured incarceration was an inconvenience.

Blue said...

i like how he calls it an "inconvenience"

most punishments aren't "convenient"

El Padrino said...

yeah really

El Padrino said...

Tom Cable thinks cooper is floating on a tree limb.

NS

El Padrino said...

Hey Tom, buddy, there are no trees in the ocean.

El Padrino said...

he must be confused with a river

El Padrino said...

200

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