Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fuck AXE

Back by popular demand is the Fuck AXE campaign. Their commercials and products are getting even worse than before. Now I am supposed to think that smelling like chocolate will get me laid? By what? A real fat chick? I don't think some skinny hot chick is going to want 200lbs of chocolate. Well you know, white chocolate. In any case people are going to have to stop buying this shit. Now they have body wash and shower gel and shampoo in addition to their normal spray and deodorant. Enough is enough AXE, just stop it, stop it right now.


Well SpiffJ beat SpiffK in the World Baseball Classic title game. Good for them. Of course the other baseball news was that Curt Schilling retired so it is time that we gave him the coverage he deserves. SpiffK tied the game in the 9th, but that just let Ichiro win it for SpiffJ in the 10th. Ichiro is good. He isn't Kathy Ireland good, but he is Cindy Crawford good...which means Keith hates him. I was watching the WBC and the announcing was pretty bad. Mostly because the announcers knew very little about the players. They couldn't tell me stories about the players so instead Joe Morgan told me stories about hitting it to the gap. Thanks douche, I wanted to know if Kim Lee, Jong Lee and Lee Lee were related and what they called each other in the dugout (is Lee Lee just called Double Lee? Lee Squared?), but no, you gotta be telling me about hitting a curve ball the other way.

NHL Update: San Jose has the most points so they have the best team. Also Columbus might make the playoffs for the first time ever. Columbusites (Columbusians?) are getting excited. Which means people who know nothing about hockey (note Tem knows a little which is greater than < nothing) start talking about hockey. Soon I will hear about how Columbus plays the Tampa 2 and how their Power Shot ranks last in the league. It's a good thing they have a good goal minder because that keeps them in games by not letting the other team score any points.

Jay Cutler just got the "Jay is our QB" newspaper quote from his coach. He'll be gone in 17 days.

OK let's get to the movie review, I have a meeting in like 10 minutes:

The Education of Charlie Banks

Now this is a movie. It's got it all. Hilarity, action, tits, everything. Now the plot of this movie might be that Charlie Banks is one retarded mother fucker. I mean he is a super retard, except that the doesn't walk like a retard. You know what I mean, don't pretend you don't. They walk funny like, dead give away about their retardedness. Anyway, Charlie doesn't walk like that, but he is dumber and more retarded than Forrest Gump. So the town that Charlie lives in takes it upon themselves to teach Charlie how to be a normie....That's what retards call normal people, normies. I don't think you all were supposed to know that. Don't ask how I know, you can probably just assume that I am retarded. So Charlie gets taught how to drive (hilarity and action he crashes into Mrs. McDaniels poodle, fucking poodle had it coming), he learns how to pilot a plane (hilarity he constantly buzzes the tower and says things he saw in Top Gun), he learns how to bang this hot chick (awesome tits, and he is a real slow learner so it takes him many sessions....or is he? Maybe he isn't as retarded as we thought, he is just using it to get laid a lot). A HA! This is the turning point of the movie, people start to think that maybe this Charlie Banks isn't that retarded. Maybe he was playing the long play and made everyone think he was retarded so he could get away with stuff. Like Ed Norton in that one movie.

So people start suspecting things and testing him in ways that a retard would never pass, you know things like you got a fox, a chicken and some chicken feed and you need to get them across the river, but you only got 1 boat...shit like that. Of course Charlie is either one smart mother fucker or one super retard so he fails them all. People in town start choosing sides, is he or isn't he???

Finally after many hours of retard enduced hilarity and lots of nice tits Charlie ingests one of those packets they ship stuff in that says DO NOT EAT and he dies. Of course this proves that he is retarded so everyone has a big funeral and the people who thought he was a normie feel bad.

Dun dun dun, but the casket at the funeral is empty...Where is Charlie? Who knows? How did that retard get out of his casket??? A great set up for the sequel.

5 helmet stickers out of 5.

580 comments:

1 – 200 of 580   Newer›   Newest»
El Padrino said...

fantastic

Steve said...

He's got a point.

tem said...

political cartoons are sometimes funny.

Steve said...

Yea, they're hit or miss. There are a few good ones in that group though.

tem said...

i just got one emailed to me.

it is done Wizard of Id style and it has Barack talking to the townsfolk and he is saying "if you elect me we will have free healthcare and free housing and free clothing and food stamps and jobs for everybody."

then one of the townsfolk says "what would we need jobs for?"

tem said...

meeting time.

Blue said...

axe gets me chicks, true story

if you use it, it's just like the commercials

Blue said...

come to find out steve-o is on dancing with the stars

Blue said...

you guys suck

Blue said...

Idaho lost in the CIT

Beth said...

Great movie review tem, well done. If that isn't the real plot of that movie, it should be.

Beth said...

For the record though, the smell of chocolate can definitely be arousing, and I'm not a real fat chick.

Blue said...

so when is the "best" time/day to fire someone

Beth said...

Friday about a half hour before quitting time.

Jugdish said...

blue is going to fire the miniskirt

Steve said...

Na, early in the morning, that way they at least get the day off.

Jugdish said...

give her a keef sanchez before she leaves.

El Padrino said...

so that NY radio news reporter was kilt by being gay

got it

El Padrino said...

gay kills

El Padrino said...

"give her a keef sanchez before she leaves."

the keef sanchez era is going to be glorious

Blue said...

"blue is going to fire the miniskirt"

no, different chick

Blue said...

"Na, early in the morning, that way they at least get the day off."

she's gonna have plenty of time off.


i was thinking in the afternoon at the end of the week. Somebody suggetsed in the morning, so i was torn between the two

Blue said...

now that I know steve suggests the morning, i'm going to do it at the end of the day.

Steve said...

I hope she stabs you with a sharpie.

El Padrino said...

knicks are awful, i hope they lose every game from here on out

El Padrino said...

i have no more time to vest in them

El Padrino said...

it's like rooting for a retarded bowling team

El Padrino said...

that obama anchors

El Padrino said...

"so when is the "best" time/day to fire someone"

the street always do it at market open

ns

it's when business opens ya know

El Padrino said...

but serious giving geithner more power is just the dumbest idea

El Padrino said...

fuck axe

El Padrino said...

i'm old school

if there aint no shampoo left i use soap

Blue said...

i like to use shampoo/conditioner all in one bottle

El Padrino said...

how can keef not like this

El Padrino said...

"i like to use shampoo/conditioner all in one bottle"

i've never used conditioner ever unless it was this combo thing you speak of

Blue said...

that picture makes me want to take a shower

Blue said...

i like to use the mane & tale

Blue said...

help yourself to the mane & tail, but don't even look at the verticolli

El Padrino said...

Blue's a horse.

Got it.

El Padrino said...

Giants/Denver

Thanksgiving Day game

Blue said...

"Blue's a horse."


TWSS

Blue said...

re: Thanksgiving day game


who thought it would be a great idea to play a football game in Denver in late november at 8pm?

Blue said...

actual conversation had yesterday, the names have been changed to protect the innocent:

cmblue: we're not going anywhere for thanksgiving this year, i want to stay home

blue: i know, i'm going to the broncos game that night anyway.

cmblue: i think we should go out of town for thanksgiving

El Padrino said...

man woman are such haters

El Padrino said...

"Kyle Maynard, born with his arms at his elbows and his legs at his knees, will make his MMA debut on April 25 in Auburn, Alambama. The amateur fight will happen at "Auburn Fight Night" at the Auburn Covered Center. The 22-year-old Maynard in 2004 won the ESPN ESPY award Best Athlete With A Disability. Maynard was previously denied a license to fight MMA by the Georgia Athletic & Entertainment Commission. "


i hope he's fighting a 2 year old, can someone help me figure out how a guy with no legs and arms can fight in a MMA contest?

Blue said...

yep, they suck

Meiz said...

There are some stupid motherfuckers in here right now. 1 is from AZ. What a dumb bitch

El Padrino said...

"There are some stupid motherfuckers in here right now. 1 is from AZ. What a dumb bitch"

i'm not touching this one

tem said...

"so when is the "best" time/day to fire someone"

when everyone else is at lunch.

then when they all come back and ask "where is nancy?" you can just say "she left"

tem said...

"it's like rooting for a retarded bowling team"


sometimes those retards take advantage of their handicaps and put up some good bowling league scores.

tem said...

"can someone help me figure out how a guy with no legs and arms can fight in a MMA contest?"

can't be submitted via armbar or leg lock.

Blue said...

submit this

Blue said...

retard

tem said...

cmblue already has the monopoly on submitting you.

tem said...

"born with his arms at his elbows and his legs at his knees"

does this mean that is where they end or is that where they start?

if that's where they start then this is one fucked up looking dude.

Meiz said...

Those AZ people were really fucking weird. All we could do was ::flank steak:: when they left. Blew our fucking minds.

Jugdish said...

Blew our fucking minds.



details

Blue said...

"if that's where they start then this is one fucked up looking dude."

i guess you'll have to watch to find out

Steve said...

There is a video of that dude on youtube.

It's alright. But it kinda looks like his opponent is holding back.

tem said...

"Blew our fucking minds.

details"

indeed, make with the story.

Meiz said...

"details"


I can't even provide details. I'm shook. This dude was just rambling on and on, and going off on tangents from tangents. We couldn't even figure out what he was talking about after a while.

Jugdish said...

I can't even provide details. I'm shook. This dude was just rambling on and on, and going off on tangents from tangents. We couldn't even figure out what he was talking about after a while.


you should have asked him if he had ever had a keef sanchez.

Meiz said...

"you should have asked him if he had ever had a keef sanchez."


Between him and the chick, we couldn't get a word in.

He was stammering away, and she was busy trying to tell bossman how to do his job.

The transaction ended very abruptly. Bossman just scooped up their stuff, and said "Okay, thanks. Bye." and walked straight to the back without waiting for a response. It was pretty funny.

El Padrino said...

"Says trainer Freddie Roach: "Manny saw his dad eat his dog and that is why he ran away from home and became a boxer."

El Padrino said...

TP, do it

Blue said...

must be lots of asian fighters then

spaceman spiff said...

ichiro is cold blooded, no hint of emotion or fist pump after the go ahead hit

Blue said...

ichiro is a true kamikaze

tem said...

blhitler

spaceman spiff said...

EP has a mansion

Budinger's BFF said...

"There are some stupid motherfuckers in here right now. 1 is from AZ. What a dumb bitch"


All the 70 y/o Sconsinites come out here for 6 months per year. You can deal with 1 Arizonian

Blue said...

how do you know they are arizonian?

did they have a sundevil tatoo on their foreskin

spaceman spiff said...

he wasnt complaining, he was entertained by it

El Padrino said...

Phallus

awesome

Budinger's BFF said...

"Phallus

awesome"


Shocking

Budinger's BFF said...

Sounds painful

El Padrino said...

komodo dragons are awesome

El Padrino said...

beth this place is gonna be off the hook

El Padrino said...

try it

Budinger's BFF said...

NY hates Ewing

Meiz said...

I want to be reincarnated as a centaur

Beth said...

re: pizza guy

I don't think he's actually opening a place here, is he? It's an INCREDIBLY long article but from a quick skim it looks like he's just doing this at his house.

Jugdish said...

Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on Aug. 6, 1945, when a U.S. B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki just in time for the second attack, city officials said.




that is a shitty couple of days

Budinger's BFF said...

Better Ingredients. Better Pizza. Papa Johns.

El Padrino said...

"I don't think he's actually opening a place here, is he? It's an INCREDIBLY long article but from a quick skim it looks like he's just doing this at his house."

Varasano's Pizzeria will open in March in the Buckhead section of Atlanta.

Stay tuned for more details and a brand new website.

AJC link, do you read the AJC

isiah thomas said...

great work tem

isiah thomas said...

Friday about a half hour before quitting time.

damn that's harsh

I say Friday morning:

1) get it out of the way early (for the bolth* of you)

2) You don't have to pay them for a full day.

3) The firee* gets to go home early and get crunk.

Budinger's BFF said...

Text the firee on Saturday. That way their weekend is fuckt up, too

isiah thomas said...

knicks are awful, i hope they lose every game from here on out

just wait till Dantony* gets it somewhat turned around, they'll crush you in the playoffs.

Blue said...

fucking nuggets choked calk against the suns last night...fuck

Jugdish said...

its catching on

El Padrino said...

"just wait till Dantony* gets it somewhat turned around, they'll crush you in the playoffs."

i give him credit he's exceeded expectations from the past two years but he's dont a couple of god awful things that past month

just ghastly, fucking whoppie goldberg could have done better

Blue said...

EDDIE!!!!

isiah thomas said...

help yourself to the mane & tail, but don't even look at the verticolli

hilarity, this must always be used if talking about shampoo, horses, or hair brushes.

isiah thomas said...

All the 70 y/o Sconsinites come out here for 6 months per year. You can deal with 1 Arizonian

seriously dough sconnie guy, hit the gas pedal.

isiah thomas said...

i give him credit he's exceeded expectations from the past two years but he's dont a couple of god awful things that past month

just ghastly, fucking whoppie goldberg could have done better

just wait till Brendan Haywood is bombing 3's to eliminate the Knicks from the playoffs.

Jugdish said...

Cooley

isiah thomas said...

ichiro is cold blooded, no hint of emotion or fist pump after the go ahead hit



we were so close to the Bum Ho era.

isiah thomas said...

Bum Ho and Keef Sanchez era's running simulataneously would have been epic.

isiah thomas said...

Cooley

heard about this yesterday. Cooley don't play dat.

spaceman spiff said...

carmen electra naked new

isiah thomas said...

bleu why are you firing this bitch?

Meiz said...

So new guy is putting a softball team together, and he bought a book on softball training and strategies.


WTF, New Guy?

isiah thomas said...

"NFL Gets $300 Million Annual Increase On DirecTV Deal
Posted by Mike Florio on March 24, 2009, 12:06 p.m.

Bad economy, what bad economy?

Richard Sandomir of the New York Times reports that the three-year extension of the contract between the NFL and DirecTV will result in a $300 million annual increase in the fees paid for the Sunday Ticket package.

So, in 2012, 2013, and 2014, DirecTV will pay a whopping $1 billion per year, up from the current package of $700 million.

Meanwhile, NFL executive vice president of media Steve Bornstein has acknowledged what we immediately suspected upon digesting Monday’s announcement — the availability of the Red Zone Channel to cable operators will be used as the basis for getting the RZC and NFL Network onto the basic cable systems maintained by companies like Comcast and Time Warner."


how much is the nfl ticket now? The price is going to go up.

Jugdish said...

So new guy is putting a softball team together, and he bought a book on softball training and strategies.



drink beer...play ball

Jugdish said...

mize...what position are you playing?

Jugdish said...

stupid question...catcher

deluxe is pitcher

tem said...

softball season starts in 3 weeks.

i started training on thursday.

trained on thursday, friday and saturday.

training consisted of 23oz decreasing weight curls and 20 yard walks to the bathroom.

isiah thomas said...

So new guy is putting a softball team together, and he bought a book on softball training and strategies.

hopefully the book wasn't written by a Mess*

tem said...

"strategies."


i hope there is a hit and run story in our future.

or maybe a 7th inning double switch.

Meiz said...

Bossman has a .50 cal bullet here. That thing is fucking large

tem said...

TWSS

El Padrino said...

dammit i gott peep the electra thing later

Jugdish said...

Nakation

Jugdish said...

WAVA has a nudist colony. Try it and report back tem.


"Avalon also hosts a "Nude Year's Eve" gala, according to its Web site. Men are asked to wear a cummerbund and bow tie only."

Beth said...

"Varasano's Pizzeria will open in March in the Buckhead section of Atlanta"

Suite*, I work in Buckhead so I'll definitely have to check it out soon.

Budinger's BFF said...

This place is on fire

EP must be off again today



(S)

Budinger's BFF said...

Stings

El Padrino said...

"EP must be off again today"

conf call, lunch, mad busy you

El Padrino said...

it's illegal to not stop a fight?

El Padrino said...

that's bogus

Steve said...

EP. Is that pizza link "authentic" NY Pizza?

The pizza's in those pics didn't look very good.

JFreak said...

"training consisted of 23oz decreasing weight curls and 20 yard walks to the bathroom."

I thought this was funny.

Jugdish said...

it's illegal to not stop a fight?


probably, if its your crony body guard beating a guy to a pulp.

El Padrino said...

"EP. Is that pizza link "authentic" NY Pizza?

The pizza's in those pics didn't look very good."

It's brick oven pizza. It's wonderful.

El Padrino said...

that pizza would blow your mind tard

Budinger's BFF said...

"it's illegal to not stop a fight?"

Maybe you have to stop someone from fighting if you pay their salary

Budinger's BFF said...

"that pizza would blow your mind tard"

hilarity

Steve said...

There are places here, and probably everywhere else, that advertise themselves as NY Style pizza. but their pizzas look more like this.

Best pizza you can get around here.

Budinger's BFF said...

Said it before, I'll say it again....


Chicago style >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> NY style

Jugdish said...

Chicago style >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> NY style



second

Steve said...

Dominos!!!

tem said...

Suite*, I give young bucks head so I'll definitely have to check it out soon.


*fized for beth

Steve said...

i'm not sure if i've ever had Chicago style. That's more than just a deep dish pizza right?

Jugdish said...

better ingrediants too.

NY style are just larger slices that you can fold in half easier

Budinger's BFF said...

Chicago style is where you run your finger across the top of it

isiah thomas said...

Nerve* had Chicago style pizza, unless red barron counts.

isiah thomas said...

Chicago style is where you run your finger across the top of it

hi-fucking-larity

spaceman spiff said...

"Chicago style is where you run your finger across the top of it"

thought that was a keef sanchez

tem said...

"WAVA has a nudist colony. Try it and report back tem."

i haven't checked the link, but i am afraid to go.

spaceman spiff said...

ah, i missed it

tem said...

"Nerve* had Chicago style pizza, unless red barron counts."

i believe that does not count.

Budinger's BFF said...

zeke,
Been to Oregano's? That's Chicago style

Steve said...

Chicago Style

I don't know about that. Why's the sauce on top of the cheeze?

tem said...

"thought that was a keef sanchez"



------- joke --------


-----spiff's head ------

tem said...

"Why's the sauce on top of the cheeze?"

because that's the style

Steve said...

"because that's the style"

well, it's freaking me out.

spaceman spiff said...

"I don't know about that. Why's the sauce on top of the cheeze?"

cuz its a chicago style pizza

tem said...

"well, it's freaking me out."

well if you lose it check the pool 1st.

El Padrino said...

right that's ny style, thin
but if you never tried brick oven pizza then your short changing yourself out of a real treat

and we've had the chicago/ny debate
it's preference, i already admitted to enjoying chicago style but think it's entirely different from ny pizza and i prefer, obviously ny pizza mainly because it's the way pizza should be made

not like some giant round casserole

Budinger's BFF said...

i prefer, obviously ny pizza mainly because it's where I live


*fized

isiah thomas said...

zeke,
Been to Oregano's? That's Chicago style

we must get the thin crust at Oregano's bc it looks like NYPD pizza except they cut it different and toppings are under the cheese.

Budinger's BFF said...

Brick oven 'za is great, though

ns

isiah thomas said...

zeke,
Been to Oregano's? That's Chicago style

I thought "chicago" style was pizza that was 4 inches deep. (ns)

Budinger's BFF said...

"we must get the thin crust at Oregano's bc it looks like NYPD pizza except they cut it different and toppings are under the cheese."

Ah, ok. Had that thin crust there, too. They call it a Chicago thin crust or some shit

El Padrino said...

pizza in the old country looks more like those pictures you said didnt looked good

which actually makes me sad a person would even say that

Jugdish said...

I prefer chicago style thin crust pizza

isiah thomas said...

Brick oven 'za is great, though

ns

not a fan of grimaldi's

col

Budinger's BFF said...

"Cedarburg" style is when it's 2 inches deep

WADR, mize

isiah thomas said...

pizza in the old country looks more like those pictures you said didnt looked good

they have pizza in the australian outback?



s

El Padrino said...

zeke the "gormet" pizza you get/talk about

is it not brick oven

Budinger's BFF said...

"not a fan of grimaldi's"

Nerve had the pizza there, just the calzones.

Red Brick Oven Pizza is good

isiah thomas said...

yeah it's brick oven.


forgot grimaldi's is "coal" oven I think.

isiah thomas said...

I need to get back to that gormet* joint soon, last trip there was hdh.

El Padrino said...

coal is good, brick is better

El Padrino said...

i wanna take a drive to conneticut to try New Haven style pizza

heard it's off the hizzy

Budinger's BFF said...

Should try AZ style. You can get them Hot & Ready for $5.

Steve said...

A 911 operator is under investigation for lecturing a kidnapping victim who was later found slain.

I hope they release the tape.

isiah thomas said...

9-1-1 is a joke in your town.

isiah thomas said...

deke must still be shell-shocked from earlier.

Blue said...

wow, strong efforting by all

El Padrino said...

wonder is iam is making music right now

El Padrino said...

he might be panhandling

Budinger's BFF said...

All bedrooms have walls need to be rolled out due to dirt or nail holes or touch up paint that does not match up. Tenant mentioned that they did zero touch up painting and that the non-matching paint is from a prior person


Old landlord sent me their move-out checklist and this was listed in the BR section. Ridiculous.

Jugdish said...

No-bama

Meiz said...

Yes! The internet is back on!

Jugdish said...

keef, they aren't falling for the toothpaste in the walls trick anymore. Go down to that office, give them a keef sanchez, and get your money.

Budinger's BFF said...

We didn't use toothpaste for this house. There weren't that many nail holes. Maybe 10-15 throughout the entire house. That's normal wear & tear.

Blue said...

keith sanchez should solve all your problems

isiah thomas said...

he might be panhandling

I could see FH masterminding a bank heist.

tem said...

"That's normal wear & tear."

says you.

spaceman spiff said...

"keef, they aren't falling for the toothpaste in the walls trick anymore. "

not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe

tem said...

iam is nailing vanderbilt chicks.

isiah thomas said...

No-bama

I hope there are a lot of mirrors in the White House.

Blue said...

car battery died: keith sanchez it

csilok being crazy: keith sanchez it

Reds sucking: keith sanchez them

beer is entry: keith sanchez it

hungry: keith sanchez

tired: ks

bored: keith sanchez!!!

Budinger's BFF said...

"says you."

If they provide pics that show that all of this painting and wall reconstruction needs done, then I have no problem paying for it. Otherwise it's going to court. They need to prove that we damaged it. We left that house in better condition than when we got it.

Jugdish said...

not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe


tiger woods voice.

Jugdish said...

keef...how much are you trying to get back?

Jugdish said...

call Jackie Chiles

Budinger's BFF said...

"keef...how much are you trying to get back?"

1050$

Budinger's BFF said...

I'm not expecting to get it all back. But from the list they made during their "check-out", they're trying to rebuild the house.

El Padrino said...

stop renting houses

Meiz said...

Stupid internet. Stop cutting in & out.

Budinger's BFF said...

The owner of the house is short selling it now, so they're just charging us to get it in condition for her.

Budinger's BFF said...

"stop renting houses"

Not gonna live in an apartment

El Padrino said...

"Not gonna live in an apartment"

what's wrong wif an apartment

Budinger's BFF said...

"what's wrong wif an apartment"

Less room
No yard
Paper-thin walls
Parking sucks
Multiple floors = too many stairs
Sucks for having pets

tem said...

"Otherwise it's going to court."

now you're talking. they'll settle prior to that.

Budinger's BFF said...

Another thing on their move-out checklist...

Insides of closets need touch up paint.


Get the fuck out of here

Jugdish said...

touch up paint is BS...what place doesn't need touch up paint?

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"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





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