Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I saw a commercial with it in it

Well here we are. Final 4 time baby! And for the women there are 2 games before Final Four time. If UConn takes care of business on the chicks side we might get a men's and women's champ from the same school. If that has ever happened before I'd bet UConn did it. Of course by saying that I just jinxed UConn chicks, so that sucks for them.

Since I have nothing else sports related to talk about I am going to ramble on about my weekend. Friday night I drove 2 hrs to my cousin's house for a party. My cousin is about 22 and so is her husband and so was everyone else there. I was definitely the oldest person there. Oddly enough though there were at least 2 five yr olds who belonged to some of the chicks there. So it was definitely like being back home. 22yr olds with 5yr old kids, lots of fat people with no teeth and 70s shag carpet. Anyway, party games were beer pong, kings and some other card game. I partied until about 3:30am and then stumbled next door to my cousin's house (the party was actually at their neighbors). I was supposed to get the couch, but there was this really fat guy on it and for the life of me I couldn't move him. So I had to sleep on the floor. The next day we were going to go to some steak buffet for lunch, sounded interesting. I was down with the idea until I found out that it was halfway back to Columbus....and I had to do taxes for all sorts of people in WV that day so I couldn't do all that driving. Anyway, the rest of the weekend was boring, taxes, etc, but the party was something.

I see El Tardo did another mailbag...did he finally realize that mailbags are easy? He only has to write half the column.

Sadly it is time for me to get to work, so all you get is this shitty post. It might be better than nothing, I don't know.

Monday, March 30, 2009

I did see Lebron's halfcourt shot on 60 Minutes!

Big weekend in sports, hey. I was going to title this post "Where's Steve", but I really don't care, so I didn't. Fuck Dook and all their faggy white bread douche bags. That program is running on fumes at this point and living off of what they did 10-15 years ago. It's time to take them out behind the barn and shoot them. I do think this will be a an entertaining Final Four, though. Of course, I thought this weekend's games were going to be entertaining, so WFT do I know? There are some interesting storylines, though. Sparty basically playing at home. UConn in the mist* of being caught cheating, and playing for a title. Nova making the Final Four for the first time in 25 years. And Hansbrough trying to finish off his career with a title. It should be interesting.

Benji State made the Frozen Four. Kod is all hopped up on lemon fresh Lysol and sdkod's weed.

"El Padrino said...

U.S. 177.6 cm (5' 9.9")
163.2 cm (5' 4.3")
All Americans, 20–29
bible says it's the average height"

So EP is 5'9.5" and the average height is 5'9.9". And it is confirmed, EP is short. Thanks for sharing that.

I watched that movie "Role Models" last night. In the very first scene, some chick drops Stiffler off at the corner, he walks up to Brian Fantana and says "Want to know what I did last night" just as he swipes his finger along Fantana's upper lip. The keef sanchez is already a cultural phenomenon.

I wasn't home on Sunday afternoon, but I wish I was so that I could have seen the Tiger comeback victory. But reading about it, the loser who couldn't hold a 5 shot lead was using the "it was too dark" excuse as to why he hit in the water on the 16th hole. I'm uber pumped to see him tee it up at Augusta in a few weeks. I think he'll win the Masters by at least 5 strokes. I said strokes.

Not sure who else saw the 60 Minutes with LeBron, but I thought it was a pretty good piece. Obviously the underhanded shot was pretty suite. But I'd never really seen any piece about him before like that, and he seems like a pretty good dude. It took some huge stones to fire his agent and hire his 3 buddies who had little to no business experience, but it seems to have worked so far for him. Still need to see him lead that garbage in Cleveland to a title before he gets compared to MJ. He's got more physical skills than MJ had, but MJ, mentally, was far superior to LeBron. And LeBron said during the 60 minutes piece that his mental approach to the game was his biggest strength. I hope that was just some verbal HDH, because that would be hilarity.

If anyone needs a catcher or SS in the keeper league, I've got a few on the block. I need starters & relievers.

I don't have any hsil or csil stories from the weekend. Sorry.

That is all

Friday, March 27, 2009

Did you see Lebron's halfcourt shot on 60 Minutes?

Remember collecting baseball cards and memorabilia? That was a cool ass hobby. I still have a shit ton of stuff that I've been slowly checking out, thinking of selling/keeping and just enjoying it. Weird shit too, like remember those Starting Lineup action figures. I have 4 of the 1986 Mets with the gray away jerseys, just dope. I also have one of Ozzie Smiff and Barry Larkin cause I played shortstop so I sort of loved those two guys. The 1985 Mike Gallego error card? I have it. McGwire's 1984 Olympic card. Official. I have it. SI covers. Got those two. Like this one or how about this one? Classic shit man. I'm only 29 and I already appreciate my childhood sports memories. Know I know how those old gepes sitting in their rocking chairs down in Florida feel when they talk about Ebbets field or the Polo Grounds.

So half the Elite 8 is figured out. The surprise is Missouri, in a NBA like scoring game they had from the tip. They shot 53% from the field. Give credit to Memphis though they had some life in them and made it an interesting game down the stretch. If I could have had a mulligan in this NCAA pool it would have been not picking Purdue over UCONN. That was the dumbest pick of the year. Uconn stumbled coming into this tournament but they are a far better team, more athletic, more physical and more quick. A dangerous combo espeacially when facing a Big Ten team. With Memphis that knocks out alot of people who had them as NC. So that's nice. Although the WEST bracket is completely shot if you had Purdue as well (MORON). If Cuse and Louisville get that W tonight were looking at a major Big East dominance in the Elite 8 and probably beyond.

Next week beisbol preview Volume 1.

Weekend Advice : Decent Beer/Hero's

Thursday, March 26, 2009

MLB 2k9 Xbox 360 Review

Deke whined about it enough, so here it is.

First things first, I dislike the opening screen. There always should be a landing page, but this takes you right to a quick game.

The menus are retarded. 2k's menus are almost always retarded, but this takes it to another level. Like for the roster screen, where you used to be able to compare between MLB and AAA, now you have to go to a separate menu just to switch between rosters. Everything seems designed to be as difficult as possible to navigate.

The first thing I do with a new sports game is create a player. The 2k9 system is fine, but it's too involved. There are sliders for neck depth, eye spacing, nostril flare, jaw curve and about 50 other things. And that's just the appearance page, wait 'til you hit equipment.

So onto franchise play. Here's another menu I'm not fond of. 2k has tried to model the franchise page after a webpage. It was a poor attempt. A franchise feature I do like is the lineup optimization tool. Sure, it's stupid and creates an awful lineup, but it's trying, and it makes it easier to fill things in after you've moved a bunch of people. Here's a feature I don't understand...you can edit players while you're in franchise mode, including their contracts. This led me to cutting Soriano's years and money in half and boosting his speed. Seemed like the right thing to do. Trading is probably too easy. I offered the Rich Harden, Fukudome and Paul Bako to the Giants for Tim Lincecum and they accepted. I'm pretty sure in real life they wouldn't take that. Another thing: the fatigue system is ridiculous, 3 games in a row and guys are at 85% stamina. And they don't recover nearly anything on off days.

Now to the only thing that actually matters, the gameplay. Here is where I start to think this might actually be a good game. The presentation is actually very good. It feels exactly like a TV broadcast. I was pleasantly surprised. Gary Thorne and Steve Phillips are a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGEEE improvement over Jon Miller and Joe Morgan. The stats that pop-up are nice, but for some reason, anyone that won an award in 2008 is said to have won it in 216. Pitching is smooth. Easy to learn, but hard to master, in a good way. Picking off is really easy. I've thrown out like 15 players in 7 or 8 games. Fielding is pretty much the same as last year, point with the right stick which base you want to throw to. Diving for balls is a little different but it's still fine. I really like the new directional batting system. Point with the left stick where you want to try to hit the ball and swing with the right stick. Players faces are atrocious, they look nothing like the should. Baserunning is terrible, it is almost impossible to steal a base. But overall, the gameplay is pretty good, minus the very occasional, but very noticeable glitches.

This is noodle arm trying to make a defensive play. Clearly he's just not cut out for it.

Mike Cameron running around center field.

Would I recommend this game? I really don't know. The gameplay and presentation have a lot of potential, I guess I just have to hope they will put out a patch to fix the bugs. It's the only MLB game for Xbox 360. So yeah, if you only have a 360 and you want a current baseball game...it's not the most terrible thing in the world. But definitely don't buy full price. Scour for deals or used.

Can't think of anything else to say, if you've lasted this long and still have questions, you know where to ask.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


I just watched the Bulls beat the Pistons. Spanked is more like it. Pistons made a run at the end, that's why the score says they only lost by eight, but they were getting handled for most of the game. Now, I know Iverson is out, Rip was out AND Sheed was out, but the Pistons are clinging to seventh place right now. What happened to these guys? Didn't they used to be good? They probably still have the same sense of entitlement that they've had for the six or seven years. They think they should be playing in the FInals for a championship, but they've just been getting worse with each year. That A.I. move may save them money in the long run, but Chauncey was really a major reason for their success. They've got a lot of nice young talent, but it's going to be interesting how they transition to them and how they get rid of their big contracts. Dumars gonna have to make that money; he's got his work cut out for him.

They're saying that the Hibachi should return this Saturday. Thank God. It's been way too long since we last heard from the original Black President. Personally, I've missed him. A lot.

In a mind-bottling move, the Rays are rumored to be sending David Price down to the minors. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

I will bet anyone a kajillion dollars that FOX will offer Schilling a post-season announcing gig, just so they can put him in the box with Joe Buck. It's gonna be awesome. Just make sure your mute button is working in September. You're gonna need it.

More on Schilling: I called in sick on Monday. Turned on the TV and it was all over ESPN. They asked Peter Gammons if Schilling is a Hall of Famer and of course Gammons says, "Yes" and then goes on to say that he has mediocre season stats, but excellent post-season stats. Then, in an attempt to not sound like a Boston homer, he talks about Schilling's performance in the 1993 series when he was wilth the Phillies. C'mon ESPN, do we really need to hear what Gammons has to say? Seriously, I knew the answer to the question before it was asked and Gammons couldn't wait to answer it. It was just unnecessary.

Then ESPN Classic preempted their normal programming to show Schilling games. Funny thing was, they showed that 2001 Game Seven World Series game where Randy Johnson was more of the hero than Schilling was. Dude pitched two innings on zero days rest and got a second win in just as many days. I still love that game for a couple of reasons. A. It was a Game Seven, who doesn't get excited about that? B. Schilling/Johnson combo with the aforementioned Randall David Johnson coming in to pitch after he pitched seven innings the night before. C. It ended in bottom of the ninth with a walk-off single. D. The Yankees lost. I love that game.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fuck AXE

Back by popular demand is the Fuck AXE campaign. Their commercials and products are getting even worse than before. Now I am supposed to think that smelling like chocolate will get me laid? By what? A real fat chick? I don't think some skinny hot chick is going to want 200lbs of chocolate. Well you know, white chocolate. In any case people are going to have to stop buying this shit. Now they have body wash and shower gel and shampoo in addition to their normal spray and deodorant. Enough is enough AXE, just stop it, stop it right now.

Well SpiffJ beat SpiffK in the World Baseball Classic title game. Good for them. Of course the other baseball news was that Curt Schilling retired so it is time that we gave him the coverage he deserves. SpiffK tied the game in the 9th, but that just let Ichiro win it for SpiffJ in the 10th. Ichiro is good. He isn't Kathy Ireland good, but he is Cindy Crawford good...which means Keith hates him. I was watching the WBC and the announcing was pretty bad. Mostly because the announcers knew very little about the players. They couldn't tell me stories about the players so instead Joe Morgan told me stories about hitting it to the gap. Thanks douche, I wanted to know if Kim Lee, Jong Lee and Lee Lee were related and what they called each other in the dugout (is Lee Lee just called Double Lee? Lee Squared?), but no, you gotta be telling me about hitting a curve ball the other way.

NHL Update: San Jose has the most points so they have the best team. Also Columbus might make the playoffs for the first time ever. Columbusites (Columbusians?) are getting excited. Which means people who know nothing about hockey (note Tem knows a little which is greater than < nothing) start talking about hockey. Soon I will hear about how Columbus plays the Tampa 2 and how their Power Shot ranks last in the league. It's a good thing they have a good goal minder because that keeps them in games by not letting the other team score any points.

Jay Cutler just got the "Jay is our QB" newspaper quote from his coach. He'll be gone in 17 days.

OK let's get to the movie review, I have a meeting in like 10 minutes:

The Education of Charlie Banks

Now this is a movie. It's got it all. Hilarity, action, tits, everything. Now the plot of this movie might be that Charlie Banks is one retarded mother fucker. I mean he is a super retard, except that the doesn't walk like a retard. You know what I mean, don't pretend you don't. They walk funny like, dead give away about their retardedness. Anyway, Charlie doesn't walk like that, but he is dumber and more retarded than Forrest Gump. So the town that Charlie lives in takes it upon themselves to teach Charlie how to be a normie....That's what retards call normal people, normies. I don't think you all were supposed to know that. Don't ask how I know, you can probably just assume that I am retarded. So Charlie gets taught how to drive (hilarity and action he crashes into Mrs. McDaniels poodle, fucking poodle had it coming), he learns how to pilot a plane (hilarity he constantly buzzes the tower and says things he saw in Top Gun), he learns how to bang this hot chick (awesome tits, and he is a real slow learner so it takes him many sessions....or is he? Maybe he isn't as retarded as we thought, he is just using it to get laid a lot). A HA! This is the turning point of the movie, people start to think that maybe this Charlie Banks isn't that retarded. Maybe he was playing the long play and made everyone think he was retarded so he could get away with stuff. Like Ed Norton in that one movie.

So people start suspecting things and testing him in ways that a retard would never pass, you know things like you got a fox, a chicken and some chicken feed and you need to get them across the river, but you only got 1 boat...shit like that. Of course Charlie is either one smart mother fucker or one super retard so he fails them all. People in town start choosing sides, is he or isn't he???

Finally after many hours of retard enduced hilarity and lots of nice tits Charlie ingests one of those packets they ship stuff in that says DO NOT EAT and he dies. Of course this proves that he is retarded so everyone has a big funeral and the people who thought he was a normie feel bad.

Dun dun dun, but the casket at the funeral is empty...Where is Charlie? Who knows? How did that retard get out of his casket??? A great set up for the sequel.

5 helmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Weddings R gr8

So there was some college basketball being played over the weekend. Too many blowouts, though. There were only a handful of exciting games, and there's a ton of chalk still alive, with all 1, 2, & 3 seeds remaining, and two 4 seeds left. I think this weekend is going to be loaded with some exciting games. Can we just skip Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday? Saturday morning I have my $FMLB$ draft, then Elite 8 basketball in the evening, followed by the LOV keeper draft on Sunday and more Elite 8 after that. Next weekend will be pretty suite.

Cmk & I went to a wedding this weekend. There was a lot of as. at this wedding. Weddings are great for that kind of ish. If I was back in my days of being single, there were about 10-15 real hot chicks that I wouldn't have talked to. Csil was also a bridesmaid in the wedding. So she's been a bridesmaid twice in the last 3 weeks. She loves life right now. Except the except opposite. Seeing her get hammered at these things is the stuff of legends. The funnier part of the night was me giving milok a sanchez and she thought it was so gross and funny that she was spending the rest of the night doing it to as many people as she could. Seeing a 50ish y/o woman give another 50ish y/o woman a dirty sanchez at a wedding reception is pretty hilarity.

USA beisbol team got bounced by team spiff last night. I watched a little bit of the WBC, and I've seen Japan play once and Korea play once. I think Korea's gonna win this whole thing. Either way, we'll see a roster of Padrinoan sized players reigning over the beisbol world. I'm actually surprised that team USA made it this far. I didn't see them play too much, but when I did see them they looked terrible. How they made it past Puerto Rico or Venezuela is beyond me. We are probably really about the 5th or 6th best beisbol team in the world. That's not me being communist. It's me challenging the team USA leaders to field a better team. I know they're reading this.

This is crazy, check out the vid-yo

Mize Has Bigger Tits Than Phil is kicking as. in the golf league. DET

I'll end this with a joke...
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

Friday, March 20, 2009

Tourney, Tourney, Tourney has done it again!

Nothing really to say tourney has been great thus far. Looking forward to many, many 2nd round matchups. Couple of quick hits.......

Nova, Memphis, Gonzaga really turned it on when they needed too.

VCU is mad annoying.

Remember Khalid Al Amin or Mahed? Was that his name? The PG from UCONN. Rip Hamilton's team.

Remember Mateen Cleaves. Good times.

What better name for a college named American than Eagles. Just makes sense.

Collison is fast. Real dark but fast.

Binghamton's guard with the braids looks like a crack dealer. NS.

Maynor kid has grande huevos.

My $$ bracket is tight so far. Only loss (two losses, Minny) was Cal over Maryland which makes no sense why I did that. I know full well the PAC-10 was silly weak this year and that any ACC team has a shot to beat them in a one game playoff.

What's a Hilltopper?

Thought UCLA was gonna throw out a white-out lineup at some point to distract the VCU hoodrats.

Freak keep your silly Tourney facts to yourself. Your the reason why I changed Minnesota to advance rather than keep TEXAS. Don't make me take a fun fare to Tube Sock, Indiana and have words. Tubby is 13-2 now. Not 14-1.

Zeke, Mich. Congrats but WFT. Was up 16.

Yesterday seemed pretty predicatble though, something strange might happen today. No one is safe.

Weekend advice is real simple = NCAA tourney games and beer. Beer and more beer. If your not drinking beer and ordering pizza's this weekend your finished. Just kill yourself.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

And we're dancing, yeahhh!

Some teams I don't like:
UCONN: I hate their coach. Whatever his name is.
Washington: Pac-10 sucks.
Pittsburgh: They've never beaten a 4 seed or higher. Stands to reason they will lose when they play one (against Xavier in the Sweet Sixteen).
Louisville: Pintino is greasy.
UCkLA: Pac-10 sucks.
Purdue: Purdue is the most vile, disgusting university known to man.
Gonzaga: They get hyped undeservedly.

Some teams I do like:
Wake Forest: Jeff Teague, baby. Representing the 46268.
North Dakota State: Little chance they beat Kansas, but there always seems to be a good story underdog that makes the second round. And first year of eligibility is a good story.
Missouri: I love the fullcourt press.
Memphis: 30 wins is no joke. The inevitable sweet 16 matchup with Mizzou is very intriguing.
Tennessee: I don't really have a reason, but I had to talk myself out saying they will beat Pitt in the second round.
Oklahoma: Blake Griffin is large.

Non-tournament buzzer beaters

Tournament buzzer beaters

Suck it, Boeheim.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Live like you carnsarning mean it.

Live like you mean it. That's Wiconsin's new carnsarned state slogan. I have no idear what the heel* that means. What am I supposed to do with that? Maybe Mize/Deluxe/Andy/Deke can clue us in.

Dodger news: Manny out for a week with a strained hamstring. Awesome. What was he doing the entire time he was waiting for a contract? Playing Xbox on the couch? Unbelievable.

In other Dodger news, Torre has officially taken Jason Schmidt out of the starting rotation. Apparently, he didn't have any pain in his shoulder, the problem was that his body couldn't recover on five days rest. Again, what the hell has this dude been doing for the last two years? Ride a godman stationary bike until your legs fall off. Mix in a salad and get in shape, fatty. Dammit. Your whole job is to stay in shape and cash checks. Here's an interesting tidbit, according to wikipedia: Schmidt in his Dodger career has only one win in six starts. That means they only paid him $47 million per win. Awesome.

That's it. Short post for today. I'm tired. Wisconsin is dumb. Comment as you see fit.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Thoughts, Dream, Movie Review

OK some thoughts.

1) Why the hell hasn't Matt Jones been suspended by the NFL? Has he been already and I missed it?

2) Why do people want to axe me questions when I am writing my post? Can't these people see I am busy?

3) Nobody on Denver seems to like Cutler. All the players seem to be saying "yeah we want Jay, but we trust management to do what's right." That isn't exactly a ringing endorsement from your teammates Jay....I hope he goes to Detroit and not Tampa. Maybe Tampa can land Derek Anderson....damn, Derek Anderson is the best I can hope for as a Bucs fan.

Now onto my dream from last night, this is the second time I have had this dream(well the same theme). I hope I have not relayed it to you all before.

So I am driving down the interstate to I don't know where and traffic is backed up like no other. I am getting pretty pissed off so after about an hour of waiting in the car and doing a little chit chatting with the chick in the car next to me I decide to walk up to the front of the line and see what gives.

When I get up there the US Army is there and Bill Clinton (who in this dream was still president, how do I know this? Because I said "Hi Mr. President") was there directing the troops. Except he was no doing a good job, he was panicking. The troops were all over the place and they were scared. Then I looked at the enemy and sure enough it was bunny rabbits attacking with packs of skittles. Those sumbitches. So I told the army general guy that they are just bunnies, grabbed a gun and shot one. Everyone looked at me like I was a genius and the army started shooting all the little bunnies. The tide had turned.

But then out of the sky came parachuting hedgehogs. The general wouldn't shoot the hedgehogs because apparently it isn't cool to shoot parachuting things. So he was waiting until they landed to shoot them. But then the hedgehogs started throwing super grenades that blew all sorts of shit up. The general dude ordered everyone to open fire, but it was too late, those hedgehogs blew up the army.

So Bill, the general and I are hiding behind the median of the interstate brainstorming ideas while cars and tanks and people are getting blown up. Finally Bill decides that when a hedgehog sees his shadow he goes back to his cave. I tried to tell him that he was thinking of groundhogs, but he said he was the president and they are the same thing. Well his plan didn't work and a bunch of hedgehogs ate him and the general. So I was trapped and the hedgehogs took me back to their base.

The King Hedgehog told me he liked my quick thinking against the skittles bunnies and promoted me to head of the hedgehog army. That was cool because I thought he was going to kill me. So then I took charge of the army and planned another attack against bears that were armed with Charleston Chews...which is funny because I am not exactly sure what a Charleston Chew is. Anyway, I woke up before we began our offensive.

Now Movie Review:

12 Rounds

This movie is based on a country song. The song was 12 Rounds With Jose Cuervo (sp?). So this movie is about some dude that tries to drink 12 shots. At the beginning of the movie he is all sober and fine but as he gets more drunk hilarity ensues. Well not really, this movie is lame. The funniest part is after shot 10 when he goes to the girls' bathroom instead of the boys.

The worst part of this movie is that 12 shots really isn't that much. They just exaggerate the effects of alcohol too much. 12 shots will get ya drunk, but you aren't going to try to hump the stuffed deer (remember country bar) in the lobby. Also, there were way too many hot chicks in the bar. I don't know if any of you have been to country bars or not, but there are three types of chicks there. 1) fat chicks, really fat chicks. 2) hot chicks, yeah really. Country bars have a good amount of hot chicks there. 3) butt ugly chicks. Of course I think 1 and 3 make 2 look hotter than they really are, but that's ok, country bars have hot chicks and I'll stand by that....Anyway, the movie bar only had type 2.

In the end this movie provides no laughs, no nudity and an unrealistic look at bars and drinking.

0 helmet stickers, do not see.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Suck it, HATERZ!

Minus well start it off and say that Dook won't get past Villanova. If they played 16 games, Villanova would win 16 times. Steve would esplain* that as the law of averages. I'm not even exadurating*

This is by far my favorite time of year. Spring training transitioning into the regular season. March madness. Weather right now is perfect. The sun dresses start to come out in full force. Dook's early NCAA exit. Cubs fans thinking this is the season. Busting the flip flops out of the closet. Getting in some quality fishing time. Camping season rapidly approaching. And Easter. I fucking love Easter. I don't know why, but Easter dinner is always the best dinner of the year.

Here's a quick recap of the Y! FMLB draft yesterday...."wow, that was a reach", "goddmanit, he was in my queue", "fuck you, that was my next pick", "4th round pick from page 4, EP?", "who's gonna pick the fag". As much as some people hate fantasy talk, the drafts make for real good entertainment.

I hate when I tell someone "See you later" and they respond with "Not if I see you first". What.Fuck.The? I'll probably still see you even if you see me first. I didn't know I was making it a contest. Fuck those people.

Watching the Korea/Mexico game right now. Scott Hairston plays for Mexico. Scott Hairston is the most "American" Mexican name I've ever heard. But then they say that his mom's name is Esperanza. So I guess that makes it legal or something. But it's good to see that Oliver Perez is in mid-season form...4 2/3 IP, 6 hits, 4 R, 3 ER. And Korea has lots of Lee's and Kim's. Everyone there must be related. Korea is the new WaVa.

My early feelings of the NCAA tourney. I'm probably way too high on the Big East teams. But I think this is gonna be a tournament with not too many big upsets. There's a decent gap between the top teams and the rest. The low seed that I can see getting a couple wins is Cleveland State. I always like teams that enter the tournament on a roll to make some noise. USC, Mississippi State, Purdue, Memphis, Cleveland State. Obviously, Dook is the exaction* to the rule.

I also sometimes get confused with low/high seed talk. 1 is a high seed, even though it's a low number, but 16 is a low seed even though it's a high number. I don't know why that confuses me. I feel like tem.

I feel like that might be all. I'm tired. Time to talk and stuff.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Suggestion Box

The Giants and several other NFL teams I hear are charging season tickets holders as much as $20,000 just to have the PRIVILEGE of purchasing season tickets. Example:
For Mezzanine "A" tickets you pay $12,500 "Personal Seat License" fee then you pay $500 a ticket.

How this is not deemed absurd is beyond me. It does not include a blow job. And I realize people out there are buying them so it's not exactly a flawed idea. It's just ballsy to me that on top of paying for the game tickets you have to pay to have the right to pay for those game tickets. Does that even make sense? I am on the waiting list since 2006, and when my time comes I will probably opt for the tip top of the building so I pay the cheapest PSL price ($1000, $85 a ticket, which is yearly btw) . Corresponding link.

My suggestion: Don't charge fans PSL's because guess what, it's the other way around. It's a privilege to you and the team you own that we are supporting them and you should always reward the 12th man.

On the topic of pricing out the fan, the Mets have been slowly doing this in the form of basing ticket prices on who the opponent is. Platinum, Gold, Silver, Bronze, Value. Ticket plans and pricing. So the little guy can go see the Mets play the Nationals but that same fan is shit out of luck if he wants to see the Mets play the Phillies or the Cubs. Makes sense.

My suggestion: A compromise. First of all according to that chart the Brewers and Reds are on the gold ticket prices. Why I don't know. If we are substituting the word gold with the word shit then maybe. But I can't see where you can charge $35 for me to see the REDS come to town (WADR to Keef). Either way this should be 3 categories not 5. Gold, Silver, Bronze. With Gold only being Yankees and the Home opener. Silver and Bronze should be a $3 difference not $5, from Gold to silver I can see the $5. You want regular fans in the house vs. the Phillies and other top teams. Not douches from Lawng Island wearing sweaters tied around their neck.

NBA refs are awful. I know SG harps on this and I am a casual NBA fan who has watched about 25-30 games so far this year. Every game there is 4 or 5 atrocious calls. I mean downright offensive. My suggestion: Fire them all and replace them with local high school refs who actually know the rules of the game and carry themselves like normal people not celebrities.

I was watching the Big East Tournament last night and yes I stayed until the end of that Syracuse game. 6 overtimes. Ended at 1:23am. Now you know I ain't one to Shammy shit or memorialize a game after it just happened but to be honest that might have been the best college basketball game I ever saw. Maybe it was the beer's because lord knows I put those away at an alarming rate but that game had it all. Maybe it was the teams, being a big fan of the conference and tourney but that game had it all. My suggestion: Don't change college basketball. Don't ever fucking change. P.S.- The WVU game was chicken parm good as well.

Freak's got a point. WBC games have been pretty fucking good. It's like do I really need another sporting event to watch. Who am I kidding? I'm an addict. I 'd watch midgets play cribbage. When I drive around if I see some kids shooting hoops or playing softball I always pull over for a minute and check out a few plays. But back to WBC for a minute. The Netherlands thing kind of hit me yesterday on the toilet. After a couple of articles I came to realize how important these games are to the players and countrymen. For once and maybe this is because I'm hungover severely right now but for once it seems as if baseball is being played with the purity and dignity it should always be played at. My suggestion: Try and instill a little bit of that pride, of that camaraderie, of that baseball purity into the MLB again. Do I know how to do this? No, I am no psychiatrist. But it seems like all players care about is hitting escalator clauses in their contracts and how they appear on TV camera's after a big win. Shocker. I know.

Weekend Advice: Barry White, red wine. Head down, ass up.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I've run out of titles

WBC has surpassed my expectations. There's still been boring games, and I'm certain some of the players will be negatively affected for the MLB season, but it's better than it was. Even the blowouts are entertaining because the mercy rule comes into play.

No matter your thoughts about soccer, their fans have got chanting down. I'm watching this Man U/Inter game...it's crazy. No stupid crap like "let's go ______, let's go." They're singing entire songs. I want to be a part of a fan base like that.

Small conference tourney games are the best. Only one team goes dancing, everything on the line. College bball doesn't get much better. Selection Sunday is sometime soon. Yay for brackets.


Rally cars are fun

32 songs in 8 minutes

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Boxed Life.

We finally moved. Now I'm living out of boxes. Good times.

LT and the Chargers agreed to a new deal. I really don't understand why they call them NFL "contracts". They get broken and restructured more times than I can count. A contract means it's binding; they should call them "agreements".

Rams released Orlando Pace, 9ers restructure Alex Smith's deal; see what I'm sayin'?

In other NFL news, no one wants to buy Michael Vick's house. Dude needs some money. It is going to be interesting to see if someone rolls the dice on him in the offseason.

Lamar Odom is suspended a game. Not surprising. He says he didn't do anything or go nowhere, but tape doesn't lie. Rudy Fernandez got taken off of the court WWE style on a stretcher, but has something like a soft tissue strain in his chest. Lame.

Manny is supposed to make his Spring Training debut tomorrow. A lot of people around here think this was all an elaborate delay so he wouldn't have to go to training camp and he could miss half of Spring Training. Whatever. Like I said, I will believe he is a Dodger when he takes his first at bat. Hopefully that will be tomorrow.

Interesting article about MLB teams spending. There's a sidebar halfway through the article that tells you how much each team spent per win. To sum things up: the Mariners suck.

That's it. I gotta finish unpacking some stuff and then do some Fantasy Baseball research because I am picking first AGAIN. That's three times I've gotten first pick in an LoV league. I hate picking first, especially when you have to pick twice in a row.

Oh, by the way, the 58" Samsung Plasma TV arrives on Monday. I can't wait.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Tem Ramblings....temblings

Some cool sports crap happened. Wade hit a buzzer beater and Hansbrough did something, but it wasn't get injured so nobody cares. Also a Tampa Bay player got stabbed, I've never heard of him so he must be the new starting something or other. It's like the Bucs are filming a live version of The Replacements 2...of course if that hot chick is in it then I'm down.

Anyway, tembling 1:

So let's talk El Pad's favorite topic, gays. Let's assume for a minute that being gay is genetic. Now back in the Roman times I guess being gay was OK, but the gay dudes still had wives, so it must not have been that OK. And then from that time until even now being gay is shunned upon. This means that the gay dudes (and chicks) carrying the gay gene keep reproducing and thus spreading the gene. So I am thinking that if humans would have just accepted gays a long time ago that the gay gene would have died out because gays can't really reproduce. So it is hugely ironic that there are more gays because people didn't like gays....either that or it isn't completely genetic. Either way that is tembling 1.

Tembling 2:

I am making a list of places I want to have sex. I guess I should be more specific, uncommon places I want to have sex, not like Jessica Alba's bed because while that is uncommon that's not the point. Things like elevator and airplane are played out, too many people have already met that goal, so I am moving past those, although it would be awesome to nail a chick in either of those places. And nowadays an airplane would probably be near impossible. Flight Crews seem to frown upon airplane shenanigans these days. So anyway, first on my list would be a casket. Obviously not one with a dead person in it, or even one that ever had a dead person in it, but an unused casket. Every time I go to a showing the casket looks so damn comfortable. The problem is that I don't think it is big enough for missionary. You'd have to do doggie, her riding you or angry tiger. I'd be down with those.

tembling 3:

Why hasn't there ever been a porn nominated for an academy award? Nobody wants to put the cash into making a good porn? I mean couldn't the award for Costume design go to some porn? Why can't Katie Morgan get a nod for best actress? People win awards for playing strippers, why can't a stripper win an award for playing herself? I gotta think the real stripper pulls the nuances off better. I think the porn industry needs to step it up a bit. America needs a big budget, national release in all the theatres, academy award winning porn. I bet porns win awards in France...why the hell are we letting the French be better than us at something??

I'd do a movie review, but I don't want to. And apparently bossman wants me to work on some TPS.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Back to life, back to reality

Here we go. Thanks to Beth for stepping up with a guest post last Monday. I'll probably read it at some point. I have a lot of ketchup from the last week. I will most likely not do it, though.

Hawaii was pretty suite...also pretty expensive around where we stayed on Waikiki. Once you got a little bit away from there, the prices got a little closer to normal. One day we went to the International Marketplace, where it's just a bunch of people (japs) selling shit in little kiosks. But every kiosk sold the same shit. And there were hundreds of kiosks. Seemed kind of pointless to me. But I'm white, so maybe I don't get it.

I saw a pic of ep & cmep on facebook. Nice work EP. ns I also like how EP has the platform shoes on so he looks taller. Very sneaky.

cmk & I went and bought a dinnerware set for $600 yesterday. Them shits better last for 50 years.

Had dinner over at the in-laws house last night, and csil was there. We we looking at all the pictures we developed from the disposable cameras at the reception. Csil says "How come most of these pictures have cmk in them? I'm hardly in any of them". And she was not joking at all.

Now, some cock for EP....

I saw zero sports in the last 10 days. I couldn't tell you who's ranked #1 in NCAABB, who has the best record in the NBA, or who won any UFC fights on Saturday night. But I do know that A-Rod doesn't use steroids anymore, so now he needs to have surgeries and shit. If he falls to my shitty #9 spot in the keeper league that would be suite (AHIIK).

I had no idear the clocks moved ahead this weekend. Jesus Chris, I think I was on another planet or something. I have no clue what is going on right now. I wish I had deke's time masheen right now.

And now, some fireworks to close the show...

Go talk and stuff

Friday, March 06, 2009


I wonder what me thinks about me now. A day after the outspoken wide out was released we all have to sit through 200 people guessing where T.O will end up. Ed Werder is prominetly involved. My guess is the Saints. Although the thought of Shockey and T.O on the same team will make anyone's head explode.

Manny signed with the Dodgers. It took about as long as the escrow for T's condo.

WWL didn't know what to do yesterday. TO, Manny, AROD! 3 aplha dogs controlling the sports news. What was the lead story? Neil Everett was so giddy I thought he was going to jerkoff on the shot sheets. Remember when we all used to love sportscenter. Catching the constant loop the day after a long night out at the bar. Dozing off to the 11pm show. No it's just a goopy mess of nonsense. Analysts and nobody reporters. All trying to break a story and prove their existence. What ends up happening is they beat a story to death within 4 minutes of it breaking. Transcript below:

We have news out of Bristol that Arod is to have hip surgery and be out 10 weeks, let's go now to Jayson Stark who is in Tampa, Jayson?

Stark: Yes.

Anchor guy: What will the Yankees do now?

Stark: Well, it looks like they will deal for a 3b. Possibly by the end of this conversation. Arod will be back by July 5th, which is the Sunday night game with the Red Sox.

Anchor guy: Yankees/Red Sox, can't wait. Thanks Jayson.

Anchor guy: And now we immediately take you down to Valley Ranch where Ed Werder is live on the TO situation. Ed?

Ed Werder (wearing a clown suit) : Yes.

Anchor guy: What could you tell us about the TO situation that we don't already know?

Ed Werder: Nothing. But I will make shit up for 4 minutes to fill air time and I will say Jerry Jones 76 times and TO 87 times and Wade Phillips may be fired, Tony Romo is the new leader and Jason Garret will change his name to Jesus Christ.

Anchor guy: Ed thanks, we will now take you to John Clayton who is standing by in his crypt. John?

Clayton: Yes.

Anchor guy: Can you speculate John on where TO might end up?

Clayton: No idea but the Redskins already said no and since I have no other information on any teams I will just guess. But my guesses count more than anyone else's because I'm John Clayton and have been dead for 18 years.

Anchor guy: Great John thanks.

Anchor guy: Well, let's go over to Pedro Gomez who is live outside Dodgers camp. Pedro?

Gomez: Si'.

Anchor guy: Pedro as we all viewed the Manny press conference he seemed like he was in a good mood. Is that the feeling in Dodger camp?

Gomez: Donde esta la biblioteca?

Anchor guy: There you have it. Manny is back and happy. Thanks Pedro.

I can't blame them though, sounds like a suite gig and a nice way to make a living. But enough is enough with Ed Werder and Stephen A. Smith and Pedro Gomez and Jayson Stark and John Clayton (who btw should have been dead years ago, I'm convinced he gets a blood transfusion daily) and all the other jackals they put in front of a camera to report "live".

Anyway college bball is heating up. I start to size up the 64 right about now. Penn State with a huge win last night. Storming the court looks fun and terrifying at the same time. They might have sneaked in the back door with that thrilling win. I'll end now.

One of my guys just got back from Trinidad and got me this. It's the weekend advice. Drink a bottle from your co-worker. I will do a comparision with the Appleton Jamaican rum.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

This and that

NBA officials be bad, you. I know it's not news, but it seems glazed over by people. They really are just truly terrible. I submit the 2:00 mark for you to review.

Badass of the week

don't use your cell phone at a concert

brilliant goal and the commentator goes insane

WFT Blanket

News I'm first hearing at 5 AM: TO has been released.

Freak out.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

There's a bathroom on the right...

I am currently staying at my sister's pool house. It sucks. Ass. It's 8:15pm and the neighbors son has a band. My sister just told me they play until the noise curfew, which is 10pm. AWESOME. There is an HDTV in the poolhouse, but there's no dish. BUT there is an Xbox. However, I haven't had enough energy to play or watch a DVD, I normally just get in and watch some TV and then fall asleep. We STILL haven't funded yet because the jackholes at the escrow company have their heads up their asses. My realtor said that unless there's an earthquake tomorrow (Wednesday) it will fund. With my luck, there will be an earthquake tomorrow.

Apparently, the Dodgers are finally close to signing Manny. Other reports still say he's gonna retire. Who the fuck knows anymore. Until he's in a uniform and at the plate for his first at bat, I will refuse to believe any news either way. Apparently, the deal he's supposed to agree to is a new offer, different from the one he turned down the other day, but similar to the one that he turned down four months ago. Fuck. You. Scott. Boras.

So Jay Cutler got his panties in a bunch because the Broncos new coach and the new general manager tried to trade him. Way to show some leadership and maturity there Jay. No wonder they were trying to get rid of you. It's a business, jackass, what did you expect would happen with a regime change? Everything I've read, people are siding with Cutler, saying that they shouldn't have listened to a trade offer or actively shopped him. Cutler's good, he has potential, but he's not untouchable. He finished 16th in Quarterback rating. He had the second highest amount of INTs. He's lucky he got voted in by the fans to the Pro Bowl, because his stats are just average. And he's got two pretty good receivers. Kurt Warner, now there's a dude that deserves a couple of Brinks trucks full of money. Apparently, he told his agent to offer the Cards a 2-year, $23 million contract. Now the players have to offer the team a contract? You stay classy Cards front office.

According to Spiff, the Coast Guard has stopped searching for those lost fishing dudes. That sucks. Another reason to never go deep sea fishing.

What is going on in Denver? George Karl tried to pull Mello out of a game and he refused. And the George Karl Team Implosion™ officially begins. I gotta say, I thought this would have already happened by now. I don't understand why Mello basically gets a free pass every time he does something stupid either. Let's look at the list: bar fight, bag of maryjuana*, cameo in the "Stop Snitching" DVD, refused to play at the end of a game, slapped a dude and then ran like a bitch, drunk driving, and now, we've got refused to come out of a game. If I was the Nuggs GM, I would have traded him a long time ago.

Speaking of egotistical ball players, I think it's awesome that Ray Lewis is still a free agent. Dude has a real high opinion of himself. Ravens have a three-year $24 million offer on the table, but apparently Ray was insulted by the offer and is officially mad at the entire Ravens organization. The problem is, no one else is calling about him. I really hope he ends up signing with the Raiders. It would be awesome to see him come off of the field and kill the linebacker coach after a terrible defensive series in week 13, when they have an 0-12 record, and they're getting blown out by KC at home game. It would be a glorious meltdown.

And I'm out.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Free Agency Talk

OK, so I am not gonna post about the big deals because they have been posted/commented on too much already. It's time to give the little guys a little love (TWSS).

T.J. Houshmandzadeh to the Seahawks surprises me. I didn't think he'd end up leaving Cinci. He must have grown tired with the whole Bengals circus. This move doesn't seem to be about winning for him because the Seahawks suck as bad as the Bengals. Perhaps he likes the Northwest, he went to college up that way so maybe he wants to go back. Most news outlets are talking about how this gives the Seahawks 4 starting caliber WRs....umm this gives them one. The rest of those WRs are not very good. This move also means bad things for Ocho Cinco. He'll see a lot more double teams now.

Derrick Ward to the Bucs. I think this move is solid, but the Bucs will probably screw it up by drafting a RB in the first round anyway. Ward plus Graham should be able to move the chains. In any case, I like this move for the Bucs, far better than I liked the Winslow move. I just fear the Bucs will be screwing it up by drafting Beanie Wells in round 1. It'll be interesting to see what El Pad says about NYG losing Ward.

Nate Washington to the Titans. I really like this guy. He seems to be a good locker room guy and makes some big plays when they are needed. I'm not sure he is a #1 kind of guy, but that Titans don't seem to be expecting him to be one. The biggest surprise to me about this signing is that he went to a team that the Stillers* supposedly hate with a passion. This goes to show you, it's a bidness baby.

Any RB the Broncos sign will suck. Even with Shanahan gone that place seems to think it can sign any dude off the street and get a few good years out of them. A while back this was true, but then it became 1 good year, then it became about 10 good games. I think it is down to 4 good games now...This is why they sign about 4 new RBs every year.

Now some college BBall talk. The Big East should get 9 teams into the tourney. That's right, 9. I bet the Big Ten gets some big snubs and only gets 4 in and fagCC will pull in 7 even though they only deserve 6. That's my bracketology bitches.

Now some baseball talk...umm when the fuck does the season start? Like this month? Next? I don't know. All I know is that it is still snowing here when the season starts and it ends up snowing for about 3 weeks into the season, so let's start that thing now so the snow goes away. I am sick and tired of snowy cold shit....woe.

OK folks, let hit a movie review and get the hell out of Dodge:

He's Just Not That Into You

First of all let me say I am shocked, shocked that this movie is playing in real theatres. After not watching this movie before it was released I can safely say it should be rated XXX. This is basically like the anti John Holmes movie. It stars a little tiny dude (and by that I mean a dude with a tiny penis) who always gets super hot chicks. That is until they discover his tiny penis and find out that he isn't that into them. A truly funny concept for a porn. Pornos always have the best story lnes. In any case Michael Clarke Duncan stars in it too as the black dude who nails the chicks after tiny is done with them.

At the end of the day this movie is average. The chicks are what you expect, the music is what you expect and the porn scenes are what you expect. This is excellent because the last thing you want when watching a XXX movie is surprises. That's how injuries happen and nobody wants to get hurt too bad while watching porn.

3.5 helmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Slumdog Millionaire is NOT a chick flick (by Beth)

Well I did a quick LOVad comment on seeing Slumdog Millionaire but not sure if too many people saw my comment since it was surrounded by EP's drunken ramblings Sat night. But for those of you wary on seeing it cause you think it's a chick flick, I can say it is not and is totally misleadingly advertised. I was worried cause the ads show this big dance number and I hate dance numbers, but what you don't know til you see the movie is that the dance number is only during the closing credits. Also, the love story is only a part of the movie and the point of the movie is not about whether he wins the million or not. I wasn't sure about seeing it but am very glad I did and can honestly say it was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time.

We got snow yesterday and sure enough, people aren't reacting well. Luckily I didn't have to go to the grocery store yesterday as otherwise I'd have been pissed off again about idiots stocking up on bread and milk for what may be a few hours where they shouldn't drive. Most schools are closed today cause it iced up some apparently in spots last night, but all the roads on my way in to work were fine. But THIS is why Northerners and mid-westerners laugh at us. Kod probably gets this much snow in the middle of summer.

I guess I should talk a little about sports...

Some basketball and Nascar happened this weekend but Tyler and Zeke (respectively) can talk about that cause I don't care about either, other than to say that I saw Duke beat UNC apparently. I don't care either way other than it probably annoyed the Duke haters out there so that made me smile. :-)

Ok, I figure the above is good enough for a spot start. If I'd have known in advance I'd have had pie charts and graphs and sports stats out the yazoo in this post. (And if you believe that you probably believe TJW was what he said he was...)

P.S. I love El Pad.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino