Friday, February 06, 2009

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash

From the desk of El Padrino.

To all my El Padmaniacs:

El Pad lost $992 when it was all said and done for the 2008-09 NFL/CFB season. But let's face it. It all happened in January. Completely whiffing on a couple of playoff games. It happens. Understand this though, El Pad is very angry that this happened. I mean while I was typing this (pretend I have a typer person, preferably a hot woman, spaniard maybe, dark olive skin, long black hair, exquisite heine, long legs, nice tits, etc) he threw a lamp right through the front office window and just fired 4 people because his morning tea scalded his tongue. El Pad prides himself on winning when it counts, being a clutch bettor and rubbing it in when he wins. Losing $992 for the year isn't really that bad considering he was just about dead even in picks (and won the league pick em' pool which he is still waiting for his prize) but excuses/explanations/reasoning is for choke artist losers. And El Pad is far from a choke artist loser. To make this up to the world (because he know's they are reading LOV) he will periodically be dropping gems on along with solid, logical weekend advice on all Friday posts. I hope you all enjoy that.

Best wishes,

El Padrino, ESQ

Early post so beth's comment makes sense. MWA!
(I'll fill this in later (no really I will), I just got in. Something about the train brakes, police dogs and signal problems. It was a fun ride in. The train was blowing air conditioner. Oh yeah it's19 degrees btw. Either I'm going to get pneumonia or somewhere down my family line I am related to polar bears. Probably the latter as I don't mind snow and am always down for a penguin steak.
Proceed.)


Weekend advice : Captain and cokes, all night long like Lionel.

1,116 comments:

1 – 200 of 1116   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

EP doing his best "woe is me" Mize impersonation...

Beth said...

I just realized the above comment will probably make no sense once EP "fills in" his post later, but oh well.

tem said...

it'll make sense to some people.

El Padrino said...

i keep making george, george george of the jungle jokes but not realizing george is black

he thinks i'm calling him a monkey

a phone call from HR will be forthcoming

El Padrino said...

and it's black history monff

i'm screwed

El Padrino said...

and obama is in office

doubly screwed

tem said...

george of the jungle is white.

tem said...

IIIIITTTTTTT'SSSSSSSS FFFRRRRIIIIIIDDDDAAAAAYYYYYY

thanks obama.

El Padrino said...

jungle = monkey

according to black people

El Padrino said...

should i ask him to say hi to his aunt jemina?

El Padrino said...

obama was drubnk last night on Colt 45

El Padrino said...

this kid is going to make money off this

tem said...

call him uncle tom or whatever.

El Padrino said...

crazy octuplet women interview

El Padrino said...

"obama was drubnk last night on Colt 45"

this was NS btw, cept for the Colt 45 that was a joke

fox news snuck a camera downstaris where the dems were having a party and obama went down to talk to them and wound up giving an impromptu speech in which he was clearly lit, slurring and saying uncharacteristic things

nothing wrong with it, just sayin

tem said...

fox news is the one that loves republicans?

tem said...

obama is awesome.

i am already filling out my 2012 absentee ballot for him.

Beth said...

EP, maybe I'm missing the obvious, but what's the Johnny Cash reference in the title of your post have to do with anything? You wearing all black today or something?

tem said...

el pad needs to write more stuff.

El Padrino said...

updated post

Penn is a little bitch said...

beth cock blocked my woe comment

El Padrino said...

"EP, maybe I'm missing the obvious, but what's the Johnny Cash reference in the title of your post have to do with anything? You wearing all black today or something?"

totally random, i had the ipod on shuffle and just as the police dogs stormed the train i was in that song (Folsom Prison Blues) came on, fitting i thought

El Padrino said...

so this is blue, interesting

In de Face said...

there's nothing wrong with Johnny Caish

Penn is a little bitch said...

"Folsom Prison Blues"


Great tune

Penn is a little bitch said...

I got my tax refund today. Suite

In de Face said...

awsome picture

Beth said...

"beth cock blocked my woe comment"

I've done my share of cock blocking before.

Penn is a little bitch said...

shocking

El Padrino said...

if he runs as Doc Holliday count me in

Blue said...

back to blue

Penn is a little bitch said...

is blue using a pic of mize?

tem said...

kellogs dropped phelps.


haha

Penn is a little bitch said...

USA swimming also suspended him from competition for 3 months. Not sure what kind of competition is going on right now, though

tem said...

yeah that's like the Bengals suspending Ocho Cinco for the next 3 months.

tem said...

maybe Phelps will miss the Tri-City Classic, but that's about it.

Blue said...

he's got a new endorsement deal with weedies

Penn is a little bitch said...

lull

El Padrino said...

belichick's chick

El Padrino said...

nice rack

El Padrino said...

good laker/celt game last night

El Padrino said...

haley hired as coach in kc

El Padrino said...

ray lewis to the jets rumor has some legs

tem said...

way to go haley.

now trade for boldin.

tem said...

"ray lewis to the jets rumor has some legs"

lt. dan did not.

then he got new legs.

El Padrino said...

NFC - 2.5

Lock it up.

El Padrino said...

"then he got new legs."

Lt Dan you have legs?!!

I know Forest. Titanium.

Penn is a little bitch said...

Unemployment rate in MI is almost 11%. Jeezaloo

Penn is a little bitch said...

"NFC - 2.5

Lock it up."



Got it. AFC +2.5

El Padrino said...

"Unemployment rate in MI is almost 11%. Jeezaloo"

like 7% alone for the plants.

El Padrino said...

wiseas

Penn is a little bitch said...

"like 7% alone for the plants."

Times be tough for venus fly traps, you

Penn is a little bitch said...

Tomorrow is moving day.

spaceman spiff said...

"crazy octuplet women interview"

keef WFT, you missed a padfast cumdrino

Penn is a little bitch said...

"keef WFT, you missed a padfast cumdrino"

I didn't miss it. I was just taking one for the team

Penn is a little bitch said...

I've watched that video of the kid going home from the dentist about 100 times

tem said...

"Tomorrow is moving day."

need address for prize pack. as.

tem said...

dentist kid was hilarity.

Penn is a little bitch said...

"need address for prize pack. as."

what's your email?

spaceman spiff said...

chris sheridan sucks

Penn is a little bitch said...

chris sheridan is gay

El Padrino said...

little troubling that that father put that on utube though

spaceman spiff said...

"The Lakers snapped the Celtics' 12-game winning streak with a 110-09 overtime victory. Los Angeles, which ended Boston's 19-game winning streak on Christmas Day, becomes the fifth team in NBA history to snap two winning streaks of 12 or more games in the same season. The Lakers are the first of those five teams to do so with two wins over the same opposing team."

suite, in you face boston

El Padrino said...

sully on 60 minutes sunday

spaceman spiff said...

"little troubling that that father put that on utube though"

he stopped the tape right before the molestation

Blue said...

busy fridays suck as.

El Padrino said...

that's against LOV policy

Penn is a little bitch said...

"need address for prize pack. as."


Sent

El Padrino said...

::tear rolling down cheek::

El Padrino said...

“Fred Wilpon gets 75 mentions alone. The name of his brother-in-law and partner in Sterling Equities, Saul Katz, is mentioned in 39 entries. There are 15 accounts for Citigroup and 13 accounts for The New York Mets, including one for The Mets Foundation… There are (six) accounts for Jeff Wilpon… Sterling Equities, the parent company that owns the Mets and the Brooklyn Cyclones has a full 2 1/2 pages worth of accounts, more than 100 in all… And yet the Mets continue to insist that it is no big deal.”

i have to believe they sign manny if this doesnt happen

Blue said...

that is the most out of context quote with a reference to Manny i've ever read

Blue said...

all your doing is giving _banana_hammcock more ammunition against us.

El Padrino said...

well, mets are saying it's not big deal but let's not be naive here

they lost tens maybe hundreds of millions in this ponzi scheme

tem said...

"what's your email?"

send it to me on the FB

Blue said...

wall it up facebookers

tem said...

"they lost tens maybe hundreds of millions in this ponzi scheme"

yeah, but they are looking for it now.

El Padrino said...

whaT?

tem said...

wall this, retard.

El Padrino said...

keef dont send any dickshots to tem on facebook, i dont believe he is gay

Blue said...

what are they looking for?

tem said...

they are looking for the money they lost

El Padrino said...

cut your cable and watch the cable shows on the web

El Padrino said...

we're in a depression

freeze milk, lasts an extra two weeks

Blue said...

"they are looking for the money they lost"

ah, they need a forensic accountant then

Blue said...

we're not in a depression, quite causing a stir


half of the recession is media driven anyway

tem said...

prize pack so far includes:

dvd
t-shirt
ping pong ball
2 black kid X-Mas cards
pen

tem said...

oh and an advertisement.

Blue said...

just because you're depressed

El Padrino said...

i'm kidding

tem said...

woe is us.

El Padrino said...

half of the recession is media driven anyway

kind of playing off this
the cable thing is on cnn.com

a bit ridiculous

JFreak said...

frozen milk tastes bad.

tem said...

it is ok if you eat it with a spoon.

tem said...

toss some whip cream on it and it is like dessert.

Blue said...

frozen milk with chunks of cookie dough is good stuff

tem said...

see there ya go.

making lemonade out of lemons.

Blue said...

i think all the sky is falling economy talk is funny

maybe i'm ignorant

but when consumer confidence is a "key economic indicator" and everywhere you turn the media tells consumer not to be confident...well..self fulfilly profitcy*

tem said...

where should i sell my wedding band? i don't think i'll be needing it.

seems like everywhere gives you a shit deal.

is ebay the best bet?

tem said...

"maybe i'm ignorant"

well, are you a scientist?

Meiz said...

I like the newish "weekend advice" bit

tem said...

weekend advice always involves drinking.

Keith S said...

stupidiculous, idillogical and preposterageous

tem said...

"stupidiculous, idillogical and preposterageous"

i bet it took him 10hrs to think of those words.

Meiz said...

"2 black kid X-Mas cards"


YES!!!


Keith will not be disappointed

tem said...

my favorite part of the card is how his arm is longer than the rest of his body.

Meiz said...

Does Keith want the TCS trophy?

El Padrino said...

"weekend advice always involves drinking."

sound, logical advice i think

Blue said...

(.)(.) (.)(.) (.)(.) (.)(.)

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Blue said...

damn, my wall of tits got denied

El Padrino said...

H-O-R-S-E will be G-E-I-C-O

wow

El Padrino said...

great tits

Blue said...

i need nap

JFreak said...

joe jackson

tem said...

is he shoeless?

JFreak said...

he talks about being shoeless once.

tem said...

you have four eyes.

Blue said...

i don't know

Keith S said...

"they are looking for the money they lost"

Well if it's in the pool, you won't be able to help find it

Keith S said...

"dvd
t-shirt
ping pong ball
2 black kid X-Mas cards
pen"


suite. I can hang the new shirt up on the wall with the shirt I won last year

Keith S said...

"frozen milk with chunks of cookie dough is good stuff"

That sounds good

Keith S said...

"where should i sell my wedding band? i don't think i'll be needing it."

Did you pay a lot for it that you need to sell it?

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Whose a good Hand Banana? Good boy.

tem said...

"Did you pay a lot for it that you need to sell it?"

yes and i don't need to sell it, but what else am i going to do with it?

tem said...

the ping pong ball is for beer pong of course.

i think the logo on it will wear/melt off into the beer though.

Keith S said...

"yes and i don't need to sell it, but what else am i going to do with it?"

Use it for when you don't have a temgagement

tem said...

keith was my 100th FB friend.

wtg.

tem said...

"Use it for when you don't have a temgagement"

i thought about this, but didn't know if tfmtem would like that idea.

Keith S said...

"keith was my 100th FB friend."

Wow, you're popular.

Keith S said...

"i thought about this, but didn't know if tfmtem would like that idea."

She doesn't have to know what it's from. Just say you got a really good deal on it and knew you would use it eventually.

Blue said...

tfmtem?

Blue said...

ffmtem?

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Ping Pong ball is for the Thai ladies nether region.

Blue said...

what do you have against our thainese friends?

_Hand_Banana_ said...

I guess you've never been there before.

tem said...

t = theoretical


f works too i guess.

El Padrino said...

subway dropped phelps too

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Go to Patpong. You've never seen beirut or darts until you've seen them play.

El Padrino said...

"I guess you've never been there before."


I Have

_Hand_Banana_ said...

El Padrino, you been to Patpong?

Keith S said...

"subway dropped phelps too"

So Kellogg's & Subway, two of the biggest stoner food makers out there, dropped him. Nice.

El Padrino said...

nice cans on the french flasher

Meiz said...

Some douchebag just tried to raise hell over $1.71


I just stood there and smirked. he loved that.

tem said...

they have the stoner market covered already.

tem said...

no need to advertise to them.

tem said...

lawyer dude i go to lunch with will get up in arms about 50 cents.

it is hilarious. he makes mad bank, but a 50 cent error pisses him off and he bitches until his entire meal is free.


i guess there is a reason he is a rich lawyer.

tem said...

"suite. I can hang the new shirt up on the wall with the shirt I won last year"

what shirt?

Blue said...

yeah, that french chick was nice

El Padrino said...

"El Padrino, you been to Patpong?"

Bangkok's red light district, no, seen some "footage" though.

was also in a room one time with a stripper who had some talents, shooting ping pong balls from her vagina into a hat about 5 feet away

impressive

Blue said...

patpong sounds like a new drinking game

_Hand_Banana_ said...

I'd say. A dollar sure goes a long way in Thailand. Love it.

Blue said...

the same can be said for parts of Georgia

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Never been to Georgia (the state or country). But a dollar in Thailand can get you breakfast, lunch and dinner if you play your cards right. But be easy on the street food. Tastes great, but... I shall not say anymore.

Keith S said...

"what shirt?"

You sent me a prize pack last year after the TCS for something. Can't remember what

Blue said...

i'm not very good at cards

Blue said...

NCAA Pick'em

Blue said...

bracket

Keith S said...

"NCAA Pick'em"

No, it was like getting spaerta one day or something like that.

Keith S said...

banana hammcock and EP should get an apartment together

_Hand_Banana_ said...

You'd like that wouldn't you.

Blue said...

tem is the master of the prize pack

Blue said...

you know what i think is funny

the banana hammcock has the underscore...but your name is already underlined

Keith S said...

Just remember to wash the pit stains out of the shirt, tem

Blue said...

i'm going to send tem a microwave if he ever wins anything

_Hand_Banana_ said...

It carries weight, you know, Like the extra chin you're rockin.

Blue said...

i think you're confusing me with Mize

Keith S said...

That was pretty funny

ns

tem said...

these shirts are mint. never worn.

i mean they aren't as good as a shirt from T-Bags inc, but they are something.

Keith S said...

t-bags inc has the better shirts

Keith S said...

Sucks that the prize pack doesn't include something expensive from the registry, but whatever

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Boston/New York over and Grizzlies straight up Parley.

Sound good?

tem said...

what registry?

Keith S said...

"what registry?"

How many are there?

tem said...

i don't know, i'm not a scientist.

Blue said...

take the wizards and the points

tem said...

wizards are greater than < scientists.

El Padrino said...

boston is pissed, could hold nyk under 90, careful with that

Keith S said...

nyk suck, careful with that


*fized

_Hand_Banana_ said...

I'm thinking the Celtics are pretty tired. Long game and playing on the road.

Knicks would keep it uptempo and make the Celtics run with them.

Celtics, pissed yes, scoring yes.

I like the over, at 206, seems nice.

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Now the Grizzlies vs. Clips. I don't know about. Don't follow either.

Keith S said...

Which opponent is going to score fitty in msg tonight?

Keith S said...

Grizz. Clips suck on the road.

_Hand_Banana_ said...

50...I'll go out on a limb.. Scalabrine comes back from concussion.. plays 4 mins scores 0...

I like Ray Ray to go for 50.

Meiz said...

I've got nothing.


Just want to go fishing.

Keith S said...

sad

Blue said...

grizz aren't a bad team

Meiz said...

"Sad"


Well woe is that bitch. Its called life. Shit happens. Deal with it.

Keith S said...

"Well woe is that bitch. Its called life. Shit happens. Deal with it."

Awsome*

Keith S said...

It's actually called death.

Meiz said...

iswydt

_Hand_Banana_ said...

It's cold out today. Rainy.

California sucks.

El Padrino said...

yeah what is that your 9th rainy day in three years?

_Hand_Banana_ said...

Your probably thinking of Southern Calfiornia.

Keith S said...

Hi kod

El Padrino said...

fuck you too

Meiz said...

"Hi kod"

No shit

Keith S said...

Is banana hammcock a teacher in San Rafael?

Keith S said...

"No shit"

Was looking at the site meter and Benji is on right now

isiah thomas said...

block

Keith S said...

your face

Keith S said...

bold

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