Friday, February 27, 2009

Brady locked it up

I think Brady married Gisele. No way his focus will be soley on footyball. Operation Fuck Boston is still growing tentacles. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Brady = Keef?

So the answer to my question, Who gets married on a Thursday?, is Tom Brady and Keef As. Cool.

So Manny says no to the Dodgers again. This is a travesty. What Scott Boras is doing to the game is far worse than what steroids has done to the game. The guy drove Manny out of Boston, and is now ruining the guy's chance to play in 2009. Serious this guy is a cancer for baseball. The only team interested in Manny is the Dodgers, the latest offer (2 years 45MM) was fair considering Manny had the player option to return in 2010. But no. Boras advised against it. If Ari Gold and Satan's wife had a torrid affair and spawned a lovechild his name would be Scott Boras. And it's no coincidence his last name ends with a AS.

Other than that Spring baseball has been going well. I particularly enjoy this time of year as everyone turns into a little leaguer again. Another week or so and College Basketball will get real and before you know it were looking at opening day.

In keeping of the baseball theme I'll review "The Yankee Years" by Joe Torre and Tom Verducci. This book is pretty cut and dri, it's about the NY Yankees. It's about the time he caught A-Rod masturbating on the back of Jeter. He recalls the clubhouse always smelling like butthole mixed with semen. He mentions how Giambi would walk around with a gold thong on and all the guys laughing because his balls were so tiny even in a thong you barely saw a bulge. He mentions that he wanted to french kiss Mariano Riveria after every save and how he loved Jorge Posada so much he would bat him clean-up even if he was in the midst of a 0-98 streak. He recalled Wells being drunk and fat and lazy. He recalls Reggie Jackson still thinking it's 1972 and bringing hoards of women to the clubhouse (which was frowned upon). In closing he suspects all the Yankees will die of AIDS real soon because of all the buttfucking that went on. I hated this book. I think it was the worst book I ever didn't read. Please don't buy it.

It gets 0 ( %).


Weekend advice : Scotch.


591 comments:

1 – 200 of 591   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

I'm not sure what to say about that book review...it has me speechless.

El Padrino said...

overboard?

Beth said...

Lots of homoerotic themes in there, got something you need to confess there EP?

El Padrino said...

i hate homos

El Padrino said...

with rage and fury

tem said...

you take your rage and fury out on dude's asses?

tem said...

wow, $41M guaranteed for Haynesworth.

wow.

isiah thomas said...

off-season champs one-mo-gain!

Beth said...

So where's keith today?

s

Although he got married last night and I think isn't leaving to Hawaii til tomorrow, so I wouldn't be totally surprised if he didn't pop in sometime today for a few minutes.

isiah thomas said...

Deangelo Hall got 23$M guaranteed too.

and they're still going after Chris Canty and Derrick Dockery!

isiah thomas said...

Although he got married last night and I think isn't leaving to Hawaii til tomorrow, so I wouldn't be totally surprised if he didn't pop in sometime today for a few minutes.

he'll be on today, he needs an escape from the ol' ball-n-chain.

s

El Padrino said...

man skins are ballers

isiah thomas said...

nevermind Canty is off the table now.

isiah thomas said...

I don't see why another team doesn't swoop in and pick up Manny.

either the mess or yankthese

isiah thomas said...

odds of Al Haynesworth reporting to camp at 400 lbs are now:

even

tem said...

"nevermind Canty is off the table now."

who scooped him?

isiah thomas said...

nice post, I was at a bookstore a few weekends ago, picked up Torre's book, thought about buying it for a split second then tossed it down. Goddman homos.

isiah thomas said...

not sure about Canty, Snyders plan was en route to pick him up but after the AH signing they said "hahahahaha, sike".

isiah thomas said...

During the first 13 months of the contract, Haynesworth will earn approximately $32 million.

that'll be 4$M per game

Blue said...

his plan or his plain?

Blue said...

he's only going to play 8 games? maybe just the home games?

isiah thomas said...

told y'all LA -11 last night was money.

Blue said...

holly beavers was a married name, and she looked like a butch lesbian...

bad move blue

isiah thomas said...

yep, only half a season, 4M wasn't hdh

Beth said...

"Deangelo Hall got 23$M guaranteed too."

Now he's free to become that clubhouse cancer he normally is.

isiah thomas said...

holly beavers was a married name, and she looked like a butch lesbian...


false advertising on the resume.

mis-representation.

Beth said...

"bad move blue"

But you had to find out for yourself, otherwise you'd have always wondered.

Blue said...

well, with a name like beavers, maybe it's justified that you become a lesbian

isiah thomas said...

Now he's free to become that clubhouse cancer he normally is.

hopefully its just skin cancer

El Padrino said...

mets aint picking up manny

no chance

isiah thomas said...

Jess* signed Bart Scott

El Padrino said...

i expect a albert injury say about week 7?

El Padrino said...

they have no O

but they'll be in every game because of the D

and i think they getting RAY RAY too

Blue said...

broncos have 37M to spend under the cap....i bet they don't sign anyone worth a damn

isiah thomas said...

bronco's signed Correll Buckhalter and JJ Arrington.

ns

congrats

isiah thomas said...

Fred Taylor to the Pats

El Padrino said...

Watch out for the Vikes

singed Rosenfels!

El Padrino said...

godamn 41 GTEED is sick

El Padrino said...

godamn i cant wrap my head around that

El Padrino said...

jacobs licking his chops to run at haynseworth now

he's sick in the head like that

tem said...

"i expect a albert injury say about week 7?"

week 7 counting camp. he'll play maybe 4 games this coming year.

tem said...

"broncos have 37M to spend under the cap....i bet they don't sign anyone worth a damn"


bucs have more than anyone has ever had, like $55M or so. they'll sign nate washington and some shitastic QB and that's it.

ToddPacker said...

"It's about the time he caught A-Rod masturbating on the back of Jeter"

aaahahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahaha

ToddPacker said...

keef got married on a thursday?

tem said...

yes, keith is tom brady.

ToddPacker said...

what do you think about the d. brooks move, tem?

Blue said...

"bronco's signed Correll Buckhalter and JJ Arrington."

i thought they were coming in for a visit today, not signed.

El Padrino said...

buckhalter signed fo sho

Blue said...

you guys are like mort

Blue said...

visit≠signed

tem said...

"what do you think about the d. brooks move, tem?"

very disappointed. i see why they did it, he's getting old and isn't worth that much, but i would have liked to see another year of loyalty....but loyalty doesn't win games.

tem said...

"what do you think about the d. brooks move, tem?"

i was hoping they were planning on bringing him back at a better number, but it doesn't sound like they are.

tem said...

"what do you think about the d. brooks move, tem?"

also wondered why they kept ronde but not d. brooks. IMO ronde fails to make a lot of plays that end up costing the bucs.

tem said...

NFL reporting at its finest:

"A clause in the trade agreement between the Saints and the Jets would have forced the Saints to give up first round pick if Vilma agreed to a contract extension before the start of free agency. The Jets received a third-round pick for Vilma, but a pre-free agency extension would have forced the Saints to give up a second-round pick."


so was it a first round pick or a 2nd that they would have had to give up?

Blue said...

ronde is raheem's boy

Blue said...

maybe ronde is raheem's father

tem said...

IIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue said...

what's frid?

El Padrino said...

"so was it a first round pick or a 2nd that they would have had to give up?"

1st, same thing with giants

if they resigned vilma, they siants would have owed the giants a first round pick for the Shockey trade

tem said...

i still think ronde should go if brooks had to go.

Blue said...

breaking news from Glendale, AZ. a crazy woman jumped in the pool at the local country club during a wedding ceremony

tem said...

"if they resigned vilma, they siants would have owed the giants a first round pick for the Shockey trade"


if the saints resigned vilma they'd owe the giants a first round pick?

tem said...

"breaking news from Glendale, AZ. a crazy woman jumped in the pool at the local country club during a wedding ceremony"

she's gone forever, they ain't finding her.

Blue said...

why would they owe the giants a pick if they re-signed vilma?

because the giants are bullies?

ToddPacker said...

"also wondered why they kept ronde but not d. brooks. IMO ronde fails to make a lot of plays that end up costing the bucs"

true

tem said...

i guess el pad means if the saints extend shockey they'd owe a 1st to the gints.

and if they extend vilma early they'd have owed the jets a 1st.

tem said...

re: ronde


i also heard that tampa was going to get away from the cover 2. ronde is only a cover 2 corner. he can not play corner in any other scheme.

Blue said...

maybe they're keeping ronde so that when he retires, they can win a superbowl

tem said...

maybe

El Padrino said...

giants would get the first rounder, jets would get the 2nd rounder, i know my shit mang

Blue said...

ah, i get it now EP.


good lookin out

Blue said...

saints would have been dum to re-sign vilma

tem said...

i see said the blind man to the deaf dog.

ToddPacker said...

anyone watching that new hbo show, eastbound & down?

Blue said...

Todd Packer!!!!!!!!

El Padrino said...

spiff

El Padrino said...

piven wasnt lying

spaceman spiff said...

would have been the better if it was concrete and not grass

Blue said...

little girl that lives 3 houses down from me had a very similar crash...except she did hit the pavement.

knocked out all her front teeth, broke her nose, fucked up her palate and shit...it was a nasty crash

El Padrino said...

did you laugh

Blue said...

i would have laughed if there hadn't been so much blood and screaming.

looking back, i laugh now though.

El Padrino said...

your a good man blue

El Padrino said...

Guten tag Pilgrim! You are now under the surveillance of Dwight K Schrute and your behavior is being monitored!

Dwight Schrute / Dwight_KSchrute

El Padrino said...

added the weekend advice, i had forgotten

El Padrino said...

i'm alone on this island

tem said...

bucs traded for kellen winslow...wft?

tem said...

good plan, get rid of dunn and brooks and infuse some shitty character guys.

tem said...

i can't wait to hear the responses this question gets, but whatver....anyone got any good date ideas? i have another temdate.

El Padrino said...

"anyone got any good date ideas? i have another temdate."

A
T
M

tem said...

take her to a cash machine?

El Padrino said...

no, no my friend

ASS
TO
MOUTH

El Padrino said...

"anyone got any good date ideas? i have another temdate."

rent a motorcycle and drive her around town, the vibration of the mototcyle will have her panties soaking wet, then go grab dessert, chocolate of course then head back to your place

make sure there is some wine ready, drink a few glasses, talk about clouds and puppies and you'll be making love in no time

El Padrino said...

gollum eating smoked mackeral

Blue said...

tem...first date?

Meiz said...

I have the shakes something fierce today

Meiz said...

"i can't wait to hear the responses this question gets, but whatver....anyone got any good date ideas? i have another temdate."


Take her to the lezbo bar

El Padrino said...

the shakes?

you fightin a crack habit?

Meiz said...

"gollum eating smoked mackeral"


Nothing wrong with that.

tem said...

"tem...first date?"

3rd

tem said...

"rent a motorcycle and drive her around town"

it's like 40 degrees out and you need a special license to drive one.

tem said...

i was thinking about showing her el pad's blogs. that alone should seal the deal.

El Padrino said...

"it's like 40 degrees out and you need a special license to drive one."

ok save that one for the summer and slip the guy an extra $50 he'll overlook the license thing

dessert bar then your place

Meiz said...

"ok save that one for the summer and slip the guy an extra $50 he'll overlook the license thing"


This made me chuckle

spaceman spiff said...

"3rd"

dont need any plan then, only need a rubber, 3rd date = sex, just show up

Beth said...

"anyone got any good date ideas? i have another temdate"

The latest kick the fiance and I are on is going to a comedy club. We've been a couple times in the last month or so. After some good laughs and a few drinks she should be in a great mood, which will means you won't even have to do much and she'll remember you as fun.

Beth said...

"3rd date = sex, just show up"

Was watching a rerun of Scrubs last night and Elliott (who is female in case you don't watch the show) was saying how it's the 4th date for sex for her, "just after the sluts but just before the prudes".

tem said...

"nt need any plan then, only need a rubber, 3rd date = sex, just show up"

winner

El Padrino said...

women give good advice

tem said...

was thinking piano bar instead of comedy club.

tem said...

"dessert bar then your place"

what is a dessert bar?

tem said...

norm macdonald is here on the 11th, i might hit that up.

Meiz said...

Fuck LeBron

tem said...

Finesse Mitchell is here now. Beth might know him.

Beth said...

"norm macdonald is here on the 11th, i might hit that up."

Oh yeah, take her there on the 11th, I know I'd put out after seeing his show. :-)

Meiz said...

"was thinking piano bar instead of comedy club."

We have a good piano bar downtown Milwaukee. Dueling pianos.

El Padrino said...

bucs looking at derrick ward tem

tem said...

"We have a good piano bar downtown Milwaukee. Dueling pianos."

one just opened up here. it is the hot spot right now.

i got an in with the doorman.

El Padrino said...

"what is a dessert bar?"

dessert restaurant

spaceman spiff said...

"what is a dessert bar?"

have them at buffets, hit up hometown buffet

Beth said...

Desert bars/restaurants are amazing, but one thing to keep in mind. If she stuffs herself there she won't want you to see her naked for the first time with a bloated stomach.

I'm just here to help...

tem said...

"dessert restaurant"

what is a dessert restaurant?

tem said...

you mean take her for ice cream?

spaceman spiff said...

gelato, sounds better

tem said...

"Desert bars"

no deserts in ohio.

tem said...

"hit up hometown buffet"

bam, hometown buffet + dave and busters = sex.

El Padrino said...

forget it just take her to some boring piano bar and never get a shot at seeing her with no pants on

piano bar

what the fuck are you 60
why dont you just go down to the loal VFW and the house band will play some tunes for you and her to slow dance too

tem said...

i don't think el pad realizes that i don't live in NYC.

tem said...

we don't have places that rent motorcycles, we don't have dessert bars, we have 1 comedy club...

Blue said...

is the piano bar "sing/sing" or something like that.

that place is actually pretty fun

tem said...

type in dessert bar on google maps around columbus and it shows you holly's dairy bar which is about 30 miles away.

tem said...

our 1 and only piano bar

El Padrino said...

"we don't have places that rent motorcycles, we don't have dessert bars, we have 1 comedy club..."

then operation temgagement was a terrible idea

Meiz said...

"forget it just take her to some boring piano bar and never get a shot at seeing her with no pants on"


NYC doesn't know what a piano bar is.

El Padrino said...

then try a lounge they usualyl serve desserts and/or specialty drinks

El Padrino said...

why dont you tell me what it is

enlighten

Meiz said...

Lucille's Rockin Pianos

Blue said...

tem...3rd date...bluejackets game.

do it.

Blue said...

take her to an arena football game

Blue said...

rent "the notebook" buy stuff to make "cosmopolitans" buy a two person snuggie and cuddle up and watch a video.

tell her that the "snuggie feels really nice against your bare skin" so she has the nekkid snuggie option.

show her the spare room with the bedskirt and explain how you sometimes take in foster children who have been displaced for a day or two and they really like the bedskirt.

also tell her what you bought keith for his wedding even though he's an as.

Blue said...

explain to her that you were going to have a kegorator but now you don't


make sure you use the "___is over there if you want it"

El Padrino said...

I love,

"Oh yeah, rap has gone mainstream"

El Padrino said...

that doesnt sound like a good first date option, she donest want to get sweaty at a piano bar

Blue said...

it's not a first date

third date, the "expectations" date

Blue said...

can you use your company jet?

if so, take her to the bahamas for the weekend.

Meiz said...

"that doesnt sound like a good first date option"


Do you even read the comments?

tem said...

"take her to an arena football game"

not funny

spaceman spiff said...

"buy a two person snuggie"

i laughed

tem said...

"rent "the notebook" buy stuff to make "cosmopolitans" buy a two person snuggie and cuddle up and watch a video.

tell her that the "snuggie feels really nice against your bare skin" so she has the nekkid snuggie option.

show her the spare room with the bedskirt and explain how you sometimes take in foster children who have been displaced for a day or two and they really like the bedskirt.

also tell her what you bought keith for his wedding even though he's an as."


so repeat date 2? i'm not sure that is a good idear.

Meiz said...

"she donest want to get sweaty at a piano bar"


you can just lay back in the cut, and hang out.

spaceman spiff said...

"
Do you even read the comments?"

i think everyone has axed him this now, so the answer is a definitive no

Meiz said...

"i think everyone has axed him this now, so the answer is a definitive no"


I've asked at least 3 times

Meiz said...

Wall and shit

tem said...

TPS is rearing its ugly head.

I think at the end of the day you all gave me no new ideas.

Meiz said...

Customer: Hi, do you sell stamps?

Dummy: Yes, but ours cost more than at the post office. there's a postal station in the pharmacy 3 stores over.


And out walks yet another sale.

Meiz said...

"I think at the end of the day you all gave me no new ideas."


You're welcome.

spaceman spiff said...

why do you care about sales again?

Meiz said...

"why do you care about sales again?"


I don't really. She just pisses the shit out of me. It reflects poorly on us.

Beth said...

"I think at the end of the day you all gave me no new ideas."

I thought Spiff's sex suggestion was a good one, but then again that's probably not a new idea for you.

El Padrino said...

"tem...first date?"

3rd"

must have missed this

Meiz said...

We just had a fire inspection. When the dude points out the stuff that could/should be changed, you just nod your head and say okay. Nope! Not her! Couldn't resist opening her trap an making us look like assholes.

Keith S said...

"he's about 3 inches taller than csilok so if the national average for a woman is 5'3 then he is like 5'8"



I'm 6', you midget

El Padrino said...

cook her dinner fool

everyone knows that is the best 3rd date setting

Meiz said...

Okay, I'm done. I'm sure this is annoying for the rest of you.

El Padrino said...

I'm *married, you midget

*fized

Keith S said...

actually 6' 9/16"

El Padrino said...

oh no the 6 footer is going to squash me

aaaarrghh

spaceman spiff said...

"cook her dinner fool

everyone knows that is the best 3rd date setting"

you know tem doesnt use the microwave

Keith S said...

I didn't say I'd squash you

El Padrino said...

YOUR SO TALL!

ARRGGAHH

RUN EVERYONE here comes the 6 footer!!!

AAAARRGHGHGH

Keith S said...

Relax, Napoleon

Beth said...

Well hell, no one else is going to ask so I will. How'd the wedding go Keith? Any meltdowns or drunk relatives?

spaceman spiff said...

"
RUN EVERYONE here comes the 6 footer!!!"

not everyone has to run

Keith S said...

Everything was great. I said the right name and everything

Keith S said...

Noone got lost in the pool

Keith S said...

tem was well behaved

ToddPacker said...

congrats keith.... welcome to hell

Keith S said...

ccsil started getting dramatic but we squashed that

Keith S said...

"not everyone has to run"

Nice

Keith S said...

"congrats keith.... welcome to hell"

Thanks. It's not hell yet. That starts after the Hawaii trip

spaceman spiff said...

"ccsil started getting dramatic but we squashed that"

damn, she couldnt hold in the crazy for her sister's wedding day, she really deserves the crazy label

Keith S said...

"damn, she couldnt hold in the crazy for her sister's wedding day, she really deserves the crazy label"

We all expected it, too

ns

Keith S said...

She gave her toast and it was all about her

ns

El Padrino said...

fucking csil

tem said...

did hsil make out with random dudes?

Beth said...

"She gave her toast and it was all about her"

I think I know what your 1st post after Hawaii needs to include - video of this.

tem said...

"She gave her toast and it was all about her"

hilarious

Keith S said...

"did hsil make out with random dudes?"

I don't think so. She was out on the dance floor the whole time with her friends.

Keith S said...

"I think I know what your 1st post after Hawaii needs to include - video of this."

Not sure if this exists, but if it does, I will post it.

ToddPacker said...

sometimes SILs need a punch to the throat

Keith S said...

tem
In all seriousness, thanks a ton for the gift.

tem said...

"tem was well behaved"

actually i got pretty drunk yesterday and just started saying crazy things to efmtem's friend so that she'd report fake information back to efmtem.

tem said...

no problem.

Keith S said...

I told cmk who the gift was from and she had a 5 second ::flank stake::

tem said...

damn, just realized that i will have to clean my place before my temdate.

tem said...

"I told cmk who the gift was from and she had a 5 second ::flank stake::"

good

ToddPacker said...

what was the gift?

Keith S said...

Then she said "Wow, there really are good people out there". And she was talking about tem. Who knew?

Keith S said...

"what was the gift?"

It was not a bed skirt

Keith S said...

Weis' blumpkin provider said...

Tiger will be out in the 2nd round

February 25, 2009 10:24 AM





IROC!

Keith S said...

OK, time to do productive shit.

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