Friday, January 02, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Forum

Where I Stand :
CASH : $858
PICKS: 48-45-2

Browns
In El Pad's world: Scott Pioli accepts the job, keeps Crennel as nutrition advisor and hires Mangina to coach. Also lures away Charlie Weis and his artificial knee to become offensive coordinator and asst. head coach. Lerner then moves the team to the New England area and they become the Old England Browns.

What really happens: Pioli really does take the job. I can't see Mangina being the man Pioli picks to coach. Simply because Mangina dropped dime about spygate while Pioli was still there. And I'm ruling out Jim Schwartz and Steve Spagnuolo because the Browns are going to act fast and they'll still be coaching in January.

Your new head coach : Josh McDaniels (Odds 8-1)

Jets
In El Pad's World: Jets hire Brett Farve as the first player coach in NFL history (not checking if there really was one) and he leads the team to a 3-13 finish. But he has fun again. And that's what it's all about. Skunkpatch and Kornheiser exchange text messages that ultimately lead to a dinner dance and a baby. Like Mangina, they too name it Brett.

What really happens: Sort of a pain to figure out. Schottenheimer sort of makes sense here for multiple reasons. He's well respected, can coach up anybody and any team (playoff record notwithstanding he's good, real good) and his son is expected to stay on as offensive coordinator (why that is I have no clue, he's terrible at play-calling). Shanahan could be a dark horse here. Also don't sleep on Steve Mariucci. I can also see the Jets stealing Spagnuolo from the Giants but I'm rooting hard against it. I realize he won't be our D-coordinator for much longer but god not the Jets ok. Anybody but the Jets. Alot depends on if Farve comes back, and I think he will. Espeacially if they hire..........

Your new head coach is : Steve Mariucci (Odds 25-1)
ons
Lions
In El Pad's World: They bring back Wayne Fontes.

What really happens: Young happens. First time coach. Granted it didn't work with Marinelli but Millen was the real issue. They scouting has been awful as well. Jim Schwartz has a real good shot here as does Leslie Frazier, Jason Garrett and Steve Spagnuolo.

Your new head coach is : Leslie Frazier (Odds 7-1)

Broncos
In El Pad's World: Since everyone seems to want this job I think they should place all the candidates in a steel cage and last man standing wins the job. Good Ol' JR would have to announce along side Vince McMahon. Oh and naked chicks that spit fire will be ringside.

What really happens: It's the jewel job. Everyone wants it. Whatever big name you can attach to this opening makes sense. Cowher. Billick. Parcells. Gruden. Whatever. I'll believe it all. Respected owner, great franchise, likeable city, revenues high, etc.

Your new head coach is : Jim Fassel (Odds 10-1)

Raiders
In El Pad's World: John Madden, duh.

What really happens: The Cable does not get disconnected.

Your new head coach is : Tom Cable (Odds : Even Money)

Rams
In El Pad's World: The Rams move back to L.A. St.Louis sucks. Or hire Mike Martz back.

What really happens: Why aren't they keeping Haslet? New GM should keep him. Brian Billick makes sense here. But they can't afford him, I read that they couldn't afford Spagnuolo and he's pulling 2MM a year. This is the strangest head caoching vacancy out there. If it ain't Haslett it'll be a young, first time coach that's not making a whole lot of money.

Your new head coach is : Rex Ryan (Odds 50-1 = translation, no fucking clue)

News and notes:
Marty is going to end up being VP of Football in Kansas City. People love reunions. Don't ask me why. I think, however, he'll keep Herman Edwards. (Update: No he's not)

I think the saga that is the Cowboys may get interesting. I, in fact, think Mike Shanahan ends up there. I don't believe Jerry Jones for a minute. He's a snake. And Wade Phillips deserves to be fired anyway. No reason his team shouldn't have at least competed in a conference championship game the past two years. His fat lazy ass is incompetent when it comes to controlling players, keeping them focused and stripping away any entitlement they think they have. He knows the 3-4. Sure. I know how to paint. Does this mean I know how to build a house? No. And Garret was exposed, over and over again by much better coaches. Recently, Rex Ryan and last year Steve Spagnuolo. Jim Johnson puts a foot in everyone's ass and Garret was no exception. Apparentely, from afar, Mike Shanny and Jones loves each other. Going out of thier way to complement each other from time to time. I think this happens. Shanahan will have to be a bit hands off when it comes to personnel decisions but maybe it's about time he did that anyway.

No idea why Marvin Lewis is still head coach in Cincy. He lost that team a year ago. Strange.

If Norv loses I anticipate him losing the job. Right off the bat, Brian Billick's name would come up. Then 2 or 3 of the hot coordinators. Maybe Ron Riveria gets a look too.

Peyton should win the MVP. Hands down. Unanimous.

You'll get the picks later. I wrote about 800 words on all four games with picks and cash. Went to publish and got a network error. Hit the refresh button, then the back button. The post disappeared. Now I'm angry and agitatated. So when I get over it I'll re-write the magic that you all are so thirsty for. Oh, and Blogger. LICK HAIRY NUTS. (UPDATE: Picks below)

Fins +2 over Ravens
Low. Bend don't break game. Each team get's a couple of FG's early and then nothing. Miami wins the turnover battle, that's the only way you beat the Ravens, especially in January. Flacco is good but untested. Porter knows what it's like playing in January. Fins 16-12. (Straight Bet : $150)

Eagles -3 over Vikings
In any scenario (and I tried) I couldn't see how the Vikings would win this game. Vikings are just a average team, at best. And Childress scares the shit out of me. They have a great running back but in a one game sceanario he can be contained. If that happens and Tavaris Jackson has to throw the ball more than 20 times and make quick decisions it's going to be ugly in Minnesota. Jim Johnson makes pro-bowlers look bad, can't wait to see what he has in store for Jackson. Eagles playing with alot of confidence right now which is a perfect recipe for the playoffs. (Straight Bet : $200)

Falcons -2 over Cardinals
If you can't run the ball in January you won't win. Even with a Fitzgerald, a Boldin, and a Warner who's playing like he just came out of the grocery stockroom again. Matt Ryan deserves credit, no doubt, but the real star on that team is Michael Turner. Without him they are a pedestrian 9-7. No doubt in my mind. Smith has done a phenominal job and Mularkey has resurected himself and might even get a HC job again. Great story. I hope the fans embrace Ryan, I read in the AJC that people still are in love with Vick. And I'm not afraid to say it but I will because I have the biggest onions in this joint. It's because Ryan is white. Shame on you Atlantians. You know who you are. (Striaght Bet : $150)

Quick Cardinal point: Picture this for a minute. Your the Cardinals, your expected to lose, you win a shitty division, you crumble down the stretch, your coach looks like a chiropractor and your QB loves Jesus so much his teamates are scared to even look at him for fear he will read them a scripture. Why not throw a few crazy ass plays at the Falcons this weekend? Boldin is clearly, CLEARLY thier best football player. Wildcat formation has changed lives. Put him in the formation 5 or 6 times. Plan to get him 20 touches, either though the air or hand it off, lline him up in the pro set, pitch it to the left or right. Do one of those Les Miles onside kicks. Your home, get the crowd amped. Do an all-out blitz, see if Ryan picks the right hot route. Do something. Create your own destiny. Don't subject yourself to one that is already written.

Colts - 1 over San Diago
People expect this game to be close and maybe it will be. Both teams are familiar with each other. Both are WHITE hot. I mean even the Colts backups played well last week. For some reason I think the Colts lay the smackdown in Qualcomm stadium Sat night. Really, I see a blowout. Like 35-10 or 42-17. I'm going large here. (Straight Bet : $500)

406 comments:

1 – 200 of 406   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

good work EP, i liked it.

blue said...

spags has a good shot here in Denver. He's the gotta be the odds on favorite after Cowher.

Rumor is they're trying to get an interview with Stoops. Just what they need another coach who can't win in the postseason (hire schottenheimer if that's what you want).

blue said...

Billick will not be hired here. way too big of an ego.

blue said...

it's gotta be a defensive guy here though because the word on the street is that they are keeping like 90% of the offensive staff intact, so if they're going to do that, you wouldn't bring in a jason garrett and make him coach a team that's already set on offense

blue said...

i think i might be the only one in the US&A working today

blue said...

bowl season this year has kinda sucked.

no good teams, no good matchups, fuck the BCS

blue said...

Pac-10 underfeated in bowls this year though...feel the power of the poon.

big-10 not underfeated...when your only win is Iowa...that stinks.

El Padrino said...

thanks blue

i like spags for the denver job but he'll need a strong offensive prescence or qb coach

that's why i like fassel, he knows QB's and has been a successful coach

blue said...

Fassel would be a great pick

El Padrino said...

yeah, bowls suck this year

blue said...

from what i'm hearing though, Bowlen was imprest with the jobs done by sparano and mike smith and thinks that a young fresh approach would be really good as opposed to a re-tread coach.

blue said...

interviewing the DB coach for the bucs might be a stretch, but the rooney rule means that guy will get lots of interviews.

El Padrino said...

i'd be careful with the young guys, sparano is succeeding because of parcells, there is no doubt in my mind he's helping

smith, great job, i blasted that hire last year, speechless now

El Padrino said...

bit it's one thing to do it in one year it's another to sustain it

bowlen wants to hire a guy who's there for a long, long time

El Padrino said...

"interviewing the DB coach for the bucs might be a stretch, but the rooney rule means that guy will get lots of interviews.

kiffin tree

see; dungy, tomlin

also leslie frazier

El Padrino said...

jets interviewed bill calahan

hahahahahahahahahahahaa

blue said...

i hope they don't hire urban crier

El Padrino said...

drunkards

JFreak said...

Dungy isn't part of Kiffin's coaching tree.

Neither is Tomlin, for that matter.

blue said...

kiffin is actually part of the Dungy tree

JFreak said...

I've compilied a list of different ways to spell "Sean."

Please add to it as you see fit.

Sean
Shaun
Shon
Shawn
Shonn
Shawne
Shohn
Seann
Shean
Shaune
Shauhn
Chon
Chone
Chawn
Chaun
Chauhn
Cheahn
Chohn

blue said...

knowshon

El Padrino said...

dungy tree, whatever

El Padrino said...

I published the picks

bask

blue said...

you can add herm edwards to that tree.

JFreak said...

And Lovie Smith.

blue said...

good picks EP.

i'd agree with them all...all of them

blue said...

and ty willingham

El Padrino said...

yeah i like them too

El Padrino said...

somebody buy my mattingly package

El Padrino said...

he's got a bitchin' stache

El Padrino said...

the NHL game was awesome
on the go to list for every new years day

El Padrino said...

usc clearly should be playing florida

El Padrino said...

starbury rumored for the C's, operation fuck boston is chugging along

blue said...

"the NHL game was awesome
on the go to list for every new years day"

i agree, maybe they'll play in Denver someday

blue said...

"usc clearly should be playing florida"

or Texas, or Oklahoma

El Padrino said...

"i agree, maybe they'll play in Denver someday"

they will
ny too

El Padrino said...

"or Texas, or Oklahoma'"

ok gonna get kilt by florida

Keith S said...

"usc clearly should be playing florida"

Top 2 teams, hands down

Keith S said...

"ok gonna get kilt by florida"

Yes

blue said...

Oklahoma is dropping 60 on people, i'll give them a puncher's chance.

Florida played in a shitty league

El Padrino said...

ok defense is ranked like 90th

ns

Keith S said...

FTR...George Halas was a player/coach

blue said...

i think it'll be a game like the UT game, 45-38 or something.

Keith S said...

"Oklahoma is dropping 60 on people, i'll give them a puncher's chance."

OkSt got 41 on em. FU may get 70

blue said...

Florida played in a shitty league

blue said...

against teams with no offensive skillz whatsoever.

El Padrino said...

LONG LIVE CHARLES BARKELY

Keith S said...

"Florida played in a shitty league"

Big 12 has zero defense.

El Padrino said...

mlb network = solid

blue said...

SEC has 0 offense

what's your point?

Keith S said...

Point is FU is gonna roll

El Padrino said...

who likes megan fox?

blue said...

"Point is FU is gonna roll"

point taken, counterpoint given

Andy M said...

g'day, mates

Keith S said...

Your face is pointy

Keith S said...

The Cincy/VTech game last night was so boring I ended up watching Dark Knight again. That was not boring.

Jugdish said...

Happy New Year!

Keith S said...

mize

Buy.com has Mass Effect for XBox 360 for $11.99 with free shipping.

They also have Crackdown for XBox 360 for $10.99 with free shipping.

Also available, Stranglehold (XBox 360) for $7.99 with free shipping.

Jugdish said...

Is everyone here working today?

blue said...

yeah, the bowl season has pretty much sucked

Jugdish said...

or at work...

Keith S said...

"or at work..."

yes

Keith S said...

blue wasn't in Aspen dropping of presents at banks earlier this week, was he?

Andy M said...

I don't want any of those games

Andy M said...

Can someone come over to my place and set up my router

Keith S said...

"Can someone come over to my place and set up my router"

Are you dumb?

blue said...

""Can someone come over to my place and set up my router"


gonna do some woodworking are ya?

blue said...

'blue wasn't in Aspen dropping of presents at banks earlier this week, was he?'

no, i was there trying to have sex with Paris Hilton, that was unsuccessful

Keith S said...

Long line?

Andy M said...

"Are you dumb?"


I must be. Couldn't get the fucker to work.

blue said...

"Long line?"

no, she had already left. she doesn't party in Aspen on NYE, i guess

Jugdish said...

Manning won the MVP

Andy M said...

"gonna do some woodworking are ya?"


Yeah. Crown molding.

Keith S said...

Is it a wireless router?

El Padrino said...

i am at work

El Padrino said...

he deserves it

Andy M said...

"Is it a wireless router?"


No

Jugdish said...

he is trying to get mizenet up and running

Keith S said...

Did you connect the computer to the router?

Keith S said...

And WFT do you need a router if you only have 1 computer that's not a laptop?

El Padrino said...

again, the robbie maddison jump was incredible

he could have died on tv, like 3 different times

Andy M said...

It tells me "the router could not connect to the internet" even though all lights are on & flashing on both the modem & router.


I'll try again tonight, when I'm sober

blue said...

Did you plug the router up to the interweb?

did you plug the router into the electrical socket?

Jugdish said...

Is the router power cord connected to the router, and the other end into an AC outlet?

blue said...

Mize, i heard you still have MTV, VH1, Comedy Central, TVLand...

congrats

isiah thomas said...

great post EP.

isiah thomas said...

deke did you unplug your cable modem after you did that?

Keith S said...

I get frustrated watching people like Joe McKnight. Most talented player on USC and he's such a pussy. Sprains his toe in the 1st half last night and it sidelines him for the rest of the game.

blue said...

meiz, this is what i'm always told. Unplug it from the wall for 45 seconds, and plug it back in. That will fix all problems.

blue said...

" Sprains his toe in the 1st half last night and it sidelines him for the rest of the game."

did they really need him, it was 31-7 at that point

Keith S said...

mize
After you plug in the router, unplug in the cable modem.

Andy M said...

"And WFT do you need a router if you only have 1 computer that's not a laptop?"


Xbox, Boy Wonder.

Keith S said...

damn, zeke beat me to it

blue said...

meiz, do you actually have internet service? maybe you need to call and order it?

Andy M said...

"congrats"


Congrats

Keith S said...

"did they really need him, it was 31-7 at that point"

Irregardless, he's made of paper.

Andy M said...

I mean, thanks.

Keith S said...

"Xbox, Boy Wonder."

Oh, you're one of those people

isiah thomas said...

deke did you unplug your cable modem after you did that?

and/or unplug your ethernet cord from your comp at the same time?

isiah thomas said...

meiz, do you actually have internet service? maybe you need to call and order it?

hilarity

El Padrino said...

"I'll try again tonight, when I'm sober"

your drunk, right now?

Keith S said...

Call tech support. They're pretty supportive

El Padrino said...

thanks zeker

Andy M said...

"your drunk, right now?"


Only in a perfect world

isiah thomas said...

American Gangster
breakfast sammie
glass of yellow gatorade


don't even trip

Keith S said...

I don't like the Gatorade

isiah thomas said...

big cents on a parlay of T Tech -5 and the over

Keith S said...

Shit, I forgot to bet before I left home this morning

Andy M said...

What's with you pouring your gatorade into a glass all the time.

Keith S said...

What's with your face?

isiah thomas said...

What's with you pouring your gatorade into a glass all the time.

I buy gallon jugs of gatorade.

isiah thomas said...

and I'm not a mongrel, I only drink out of the bottle if I want a sip or am hungover.

El Padrino said...

go costco!

El Padrino said...

did the brisket again yesterday

wow

Keith S said...

and I'm not a mongrel, I only drink out of the bottle if I want a sip, am hungover, or just won a professional sporting event


*fized

isiah thomas said...

and.........peanut butter pie.

isiah thomas said...

nice fiz

isiah thomas said...

when Frank shoots Stinger Bell, I imagine that's what Andy did to Deke.

El Padrino said...

farve story gets better and better
now reports are surfacing woody wishes he never did it and hope he retires

isiah thomas said...

Fab 5 Freddy was in American Gangster.

oh, it's true

El Padrino said...

yo mtv raps was the best

Keith S said...

That was when mtv played music?

Andy M said...

Is there a shortage of oranges in Arizona?

Keith S said...

::flank stake::

Andy M said...

Some old bitch is sending 10 oranges to her son in Scottsdale

El Padrino said...

"Some old bitch is sending 10 oranges to her son in Scottsdale"

cocaine

Andy M said...

"cocaine"


nope

El Padrino said...

is there anything in place that would help you detect that or are you just being super pecos

Andy M said...

They are 10 individual oranges. I had them in my hands. There was not coke in them.

El Padrino said...

nice 4 weeks vacation this year

El Padrino said...

ah, the old-fashioned hand test

blue said...

that's how i like to test breasts

Keith S said...

Maybe they were filled with vodker

Keith S said...

I wish I had a Blu-Ray player

Andy M said...

"Maybe they were filled with vodker"


They better not be

Keith S said...

So your hands can tell if they're filled with coke or not, but they can't sense vodker?

El Padrino said...

2008 movies in review

Keith S said...

Is *Wall-e on there?

El Padrino said...

yessssssssssssssssss

Andy M said...

Dig this shit. New lady's 16 year old son came in here the other day all distraught. The reason? He couldn't find his way home.

Keith S said...

I dig it

Keith S said...

I can dig it, he can dig it, she can dig it

El Padrino said...

is he new to town?

Andy M said...

"So your hands can tell if they're filled with coke or not, but they can't sense vodker?"


Yes. Its a gift and a curse.

Keith S said...

tOSU is going to beat Texas. Just sayin

Andy M said...

"is he new to town?"


negative

El Padrino said...

ok, i dig it

El Padrino said...

i need a afternoon delight

El Padrino said...

the office is hysterical
i'm glad you guys told me to watch it

Keith S said...

Alba is going to be on The Office after the Super Bowl

blue said...

"tOSU is going to beat Texas. Just sayin"

in 2024?

Keith S said...

I'm holding back from making a bgblue comment

blue said...

she'd be 17 that year, so it's all good.

Keith S said...

ah, so she'll be pregnant by then?

blue said...

maybe

Keith S said...

By JP Mills IV?

blue said...

she has a better chance of being pregnant than tOSU does of beating Texas

Jugdish said...

New lady's 16 year old son came in here the other day all distraught. The reason? He couldn't find his way home.


Deke...what is the status of getting that web cam in your office? Maybe after the router is up and running?

Keith S said...

says you

blue said...

"By JP Mills IV?"

he won't be getting anyone pregnant, it's not physically possible.

Keith S said...

If he can't set up a router, what are the odds that he can set up a web cam?

blue said...

he can't even spell web cam

blue said...

oh, we aren't talking about steve...nevermind

Keith S said...

"he won't be getting anyone pregnant, it's not physically possible."

Good point

Keith S said...

I'm 7.4% of the way towards $1mm in the ESPN streak game

blue said...

i realized when I was making my NFL picks this last weekend that i completely forgot the previous weekend.

that's how you go from 2nd place to last

Keith S said...

If you're not first you're last

blue said...

that's dumb...there's second, third, hell even fourth.

Keith S said...

figuratively speaking

Andy M said...

Turkey is so damn bland

blue said...

you're a turkey

isiah thomas said...

Pat Summerall calling the T-Tech game.

Keith S said...

"you're a turkey"

He does have a wattle

Keith S said...

"Pat Summerall calling the T-Tech game."

Oh no. There's a man down

Keith S said...

Troofs

isiah thomas said...

T Tech has only had 10 "3 and outs" this season.

mind bottling

blue said...

i wonder how many of those 10 were against Oklahoma and Texas combined?

El Padrino said...

“The first NFL team to lead a division for 16 weeks and not make the playoffs (is the Denver Broncos). To commemorate the event, they will officially change their name to the Mets.”


it hurts so bad but it's so awesome

Keith S said...

"T Tech has only had 10 "3 and outs" this season."

TWSS

Keith S said...

Mess should hire Shanahan

blue said...

they're the first team to solely lead their division and not make the playoffs, it's happened before where teams were tied atop the division

it makes it all the more awesom3

blue said...

i remember a few years ago when the gints made the playoffs as an 8-8 team, and they still had a higher draft pick than the broncos even though the broncos didn't make the playoffs.

that's shityt

El Padrino said...

that's funny

El Padrino said...

"I was a shy kid. But a lot of my childhood was spent punching the bullies out.

We live in more of a pussy generation now, where everybody’s become used to saying, “Well, how do we handle it psychologically?” In those days, you just punched the bully back and duked it out. Even if the guy was older and could push you around, at least you were respected for fighting back, and you’d be left alone from then on.

I don’t know if I can tell you exactly when the pussy generation started. Maybe when people started asking about the meaning of life."


Eastwood is awesome

El Padrino said...

Isla Fischer

Yes please.

Keith S said...

"that's shityt"

It's great that it's happening to the Pats this year

blue said...

those fuckers deserved it, they got the 5th pick or whatever after going underfeated the prior year.

blue said...

tejas tech/ole miss looks like a good ole fashion shootout.

El Padrino said...

of course, cuz i'm at work

Keith S said...

2 chicks here are having way too serious of a conversation about why February has the first r in it.

El Padrino said...

"An article in Wednesday’s edition of the International Herald Tribune was incorrectly titled: “No bonuses at Deutsche Bank”.

The headline could lead readers to conclude that no bonuses will be paid at the Bank in 2008. This is not the case.

The article makes it clear that, in October, The Group Executive Committee of Deutsche Bank decided to make itself ineligible for bonuses this year. The Supervisory Board agreed on a similar step.

The employee bonus programme for other employees was not affected by these decisions."


PHEW!

Keith S said...

weird

Jugdish said...

If I was the father I would hand out these instead of cigars.

Keith S said...

B&W cookies are CoLoV

Keith S said...

good times

Keith S said...

But if you were the father, all of the kids would have been white.

Keith S said...

unless your pool boy was black or something

Keith S said...

wadr

Keith S said...

bolder

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