Thursday, December 31, 2009

I've got nothing...

I'm in a shitty mood and I have nothing to talk about. If someone wants to take this down and spot start, have at it. Otherwise have a happy and healthy New Year's everyone. Hope your celebrations are fun and everyone is safe.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Holiday schedule

So LoV is kind of like the bus system and has a reduced schedule during the holidays. Not that anyone cares. Don't draft me in the TCS, i'm still off from work until next thursday and then I go to a stupid leadership meeting thing for 2 days to teach us how to fire people better. So i'd be worthless, i'd be the Kwame Brown of the draft.

Mike Leach likes to put boys in closets? Well I guess college is about experimentation, so he's helping them find out they're gay?

Broncos had 5 probowlers, and will play in as many playoff games as the Lions...way to go. I guess all 5 guys were pretty deserving, Dawkins probably got in on name alone, Champ is having a great season even though it really doesn't show up in the stats. Marshall had another 100 catch season, and Dumervil leads the league in Sacks...Clady should have been a pro-bowler last year, and will be for the next 10 years at left tackle.

that's all i've got, I suck you every time

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Random Thoughts

I think I have worn the same pair of pants to work for about 15 straight work days. I have washed them like once so I think that makes it ok.

Went out with cgtis and some friend of her's from college. He was trying to get her to move to Las Vegas and teach at some school. He is not high on the list of people tem think are cool. In other news he is married and had the same ring (band) that tem had for his temgagement. Tem did not bring that up in conversation.

Saw this one the other day.....what if you hired two private investigators to follow each other?

Got woken up today by having the covers ripped off me and the fan turned on high. That is not a fun way to wake up. Of course if you live in AZ it is probably fine.

UFC is this saturday. I think Evans rolls.

Pryor has a torn PCL. I guess that is affecting his throwing...not. Whatever, it is probably just slightly torn, pretty much not even noticable and the media blew it up into something it isn't.

Fuck the media.

More UFC:
I think Dustin Hazlett makes it interesting but I don't see him winning.
I think Sam Stout gets beat up kind of bad.
I think Jim Miller will win a boring fight.
Dos Santos should roll.
Kampmann is overrated but will do just fine.
Cantwell fights some dude I never heard of. I can't pronounce the other dude's name, so I pick Cantwell.
The other 3 fights I don't even know who they umm, Jensen (who I might know actually), Pyle and Gunderson win.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Goddman Monday's*

I quit. OK I'll stay. I'm now qualified to coach at FU.

Hopefully Santa treated everyone well and you all had a great holiday weekend. Guess what?!?!?! We have another long weekend this week. Thanks Obamer!!

Giants send out the Meadowlands on a high note. As Hannibal said, I love it when a plan comes together. O:FNY is gaining steam.

Good weekend for LP & his picks. Nice job going 3-1. (s)

I thoroughly enjoy Denise Milani's work

Blue posted something last week about hating people who put their trash out on a holiday because the trash guy doesn't come. So I didn't put our recycle bin out on Friday because it was Chrismas*, and wouldn't you know, the recycle truck came around at 6am. In my face, I guess.

The Colts have sealed their fate. 1 and done in the playoffs. Lock it up!

The Saints are in the same bought*.

Chargers/Eagles Super Bowl. I just threw up in my mouth.

"Sources: Bulls wait on replacement to ax coach". I wonder what they want to ax him.

I think I'm gonna be made busy, ti, this week. Apparently people like to drink for New Year's.

I wish mize was here to punch hsil in the face.

I'm done

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas




Overall 45-44-1
Situation (-1100)
Last Week 2-1-1

San Diago +3, ride it ($300)

Buffaro +9, cmon, Atl giving 9? What the hell. ($250)

Fuck Houston, Miami -3. Fuck them hard with a pool stick like in that movie. ($200)

Colts -5.5 over NYJ, another failure of a season TP. What the hell. Colts will be up three scores by the time the subs come in. and don't buy into the RAVENS played them close each time when Rex was the def coordinator, that Bal defense >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> this jet defense. ($250)

Minny -7 over Chicago who, again, are a terrible football team. Lovie Smith is like 22-27 since the Super Bowl appearence. Time to go.

Happy Birthday Jesus!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy Holidays from H

In what may be the first ever QUADRUPLE DRAGON!!!! in LOV history, I've gotta agree with EP, Blue and TP on this story. I think if you have a child that young, there should be locks, deadbolts, heavy chain...whatever it takes to keep that kid in your house or apartment.

On a happier note, Merry Christmas and/or whatever holiday you celebrate around this time of year. Here's to another year of good health and happiness to you and your friends and families.

Without further ado, here is LOV's Christmas wishlist, straight from Santa's workship.

Beth would like a year's worth of KY Jelly and a pillow for her knees
EP would like some relief from his credit card debt and time off from Santa's workshop.
Tem would like to know what it feels like to be naked with a girl.
Freak would like a brand new package of clean, unused socks.
TP would like some viaara and a brand new walker.
Blue would like a 7th house and more employees for him to fire at a later time.
Keith simply asked for a boss that remembers his actual first name and to see hsil naked.
Jug asked for all train bridges in the Houston area to be demolished.
Kod would like to have his home all to himself and cmkod
Rev just wants tastycakes. lots and lots of tastycakes.
Spiff would like a way to get more info on FMBeth
Tyler would like another Lakers championship. Too bad the Celtics will spoil this wish.
Meiz would like some overtime pay.
Zeke wished for Dan Snyder to have a fatal heat attack
Steve would like a new baseball and another term for Obama.
H asked for more groupies and a new band.

Ok, thos were all lame, rehashed jokes. But I really don't care.

Happy Holidays guys and gal.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

things i dislike's*

I hate it when people walk down the middle of the aisle in a parking lot....hey fatty pick a side.

I hate it when people follow said walkers in their cars with their blinkers on to get their parking spot.

I hate it when people sit and wait 15 minutes with their blinker on in a parking lot to save themselves from walking another 100 yards.

I hate it when people don't observe the "no smoking" sign on airplanes, or tamper with the smoke detector in an airplane lavatory.

I hate it when people refer to the bathroom/restroom as "the lavatory"...even worse "the loo"

I hate it when people say tomato/tomahto or potato/potahto....nobody says tomahto or potahto unless they're a douche

I hate it when people add an additional "u" to some words like "colour".

I hate it when people tell me a movie is awesome and then I get the ohio version

I hate it when people take things too seriously

I hate it when people don't take things seriously

I hate it when people put their trash out on a know the trash guy isn't coming, quit being a douche.

I hate it when people don't change the roll of toilet paper

I hate it when people put the toilet paper on backwards

I hate it when people ask "you gonna eat the rest of that"

I hate it when people think its acceptable to hand a man a flip camera and ask him to video the birth of his child (true story)

I hate it when people keep looking at your kid in the nursery and talking about her because they think it's their granddaughter when its not (true story)

I hate it when people expect too much

I hate it when people don't expect enough

Finally, I hate it when people think they're witty when they're not.


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Round 2 Recap and Round 3 preview

It's over. Round 2 is over. I'm going to drive to work now, yeah I know I am supposed to be there already, but I am not. Blue would totally fire me.

Anyway, I'm driving to work, then scoring Keith's post and then I'll put up the Round 2 recap and Round 3 preview.

Round 2 Recap:

Keith vs H

H and Beth battled all week, but just weren't enough to overcome the Keith juggernaut. Keith got little to no help from Tyler (word is Tyler doesn't care), but he didn't need it. He pulls out a 197 to 162 win.

Freak vs El Pad

El Pad was a determined little elf, but it was Spiff who carried his team. Freak got the help we expected out of 1/2 Rev, but this match-up was all about Spiff. Freak's gameplan of late night walls was messed up by late night H and Spiff sightings. Nonetheless Freak put up a ton of points, but didn't pull off the win. El Pad wins 241 to 193.5.

Zeke vs Blue

Zeke acted like he didn't want to win this one, but he put enough points together to pull it off. bgBlue may have hurt Blue's chances to win this one. The kid is already ruining things for Blue. Kod pulled more than his fair share here and kept Blue in it, but with other things on his mind Blue couldn't pull of the upset. Zeke wins 177.5 to 140.

TP vs Meiz

TP gets hosed in round 2. The Jug and Meiz combo is strong and TP had no chance. Between moving offices and being old TP didn't have the time or energy to compete. Meiz rolls 188 to 122.

Round 3 Preview

TCS takes a holiday break and resumes with Round 3 starting with my 1-5 post. I hope everyone remembers this. The 4 players have some time to rest up and relax until round 3 starts.

Meiz Vs Keith

Head to head I think this one is a blowout for Keith, but the Round 3 rules allow for each person to draft someone to help them out. Meiz gets the first pick. His chances in this round will rest squarely on the shoulders of whoever he picks.

Zeke vs El Pad

El Pad had the fire (and Spiff's help) to defeat Freak, the jury here says that he will lack the fire to be cutthroat with Zeke. El Pad gets the second pick in the draft, one has to wonder if he will go back to Spiff or try to ride someone else to the finals. Zeke should do fine if he tries...but will he try?

Monday, December 21, 2009

Cribs, Part Doo*

We'll start with the front of the house. You can tell it's wintertime because of the icicle lights, the tree in the winder*, and the dead grass.

Here's the front room. Might put a pool table in there eventually.

From the front room you walk back into the living room. It's so much better to hang stockings up over a fireplace, rather than just hanging them on the wall. ns
And I hookt* up the PS2 (yes, PS2) to the 55" this weekend and played some NCAA Fooyball* 2005. DIT*

Downstairs bathroom. Boring

Downstairs den. Jerry Manuel would say that this room is a mess right now. It's basically where I throw all the tools and home improvement shit right now when I'm not using them or when company is coming over.

Dining room table. Those chairs are too tall. You have to almost slide off of them to put your feet on the floor. I'll let someone else make the LP joke.

Kitchen, obviously. The double oven is pretty suite. The track lighting is awful. Eventually need to put in recessed lighting.

Walk-in pantry is key.

Not sure how I feel about this fridge/freezer. The fridge has a lot of room...

But the freezer is too cramped and you have to stack shit on top of each other. Did you know that mize's alter ego makes ice cream?

Let's go upstairs...

Upstairs loft is where I LoV from. That chair is ugly as sin.

Spare bathroom.

Spare bedroom. Omar Minaya thinks this room is a mess.

3rd spare bedroom. This is the room that hsil is staying in. Good to see that she's keeping it clean.

Back down the hallway leading into the master bedroom

This is where I sleep when I'm not on the couch. /TP Wait, that sounds like TP sleeps with cmk. Disregard that.

View of the TV from the bed.

Back yard. One nice thing about having a pool is that we don't have to leave a water bowl out for the dogs and fill it up 3 times a day.

And finally, the Costco BBQ grill. Eventually we're gonna have a table & chairs with a fire pit here. Notice the giant dog turd in the rocks.

Anyway, that's all.

RIP Brittany Murphy. You were hot.

Friday, December 18, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Column

Wiki is the best, Bikini entry is both educational and fun. "The bikini or two piece is a women's swimsuit with two parts, one covering the breasts, the other the groin (and optionally the buttocks)". Optionally. Hilarious.

Speaking of breasts.

This is that 2MM bra. With Marissa Miller's tits in it.

Overall: 43-43
Situation: (-$900)
Last Week: 4-2

Baltimore (-11) will continue to sah-mash bad teams, and WADR to jug this Bear team is awful. ($250)

I think the Steelers (-1) get it together for this one. James Harrison will be in Rodgers ass all game. ($200)

Denver -14 becasue Charlie Frye is playing. ($200)

Houston -11 and this is the last time I wager on them. Rams do that to people. ($250)

Might add a few more, check back later. Or not. Colts win and are 14-0, very good game, Jax was a valiant opponent. NFL network is pumped up.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

This is gonna suck

I'm watching Jimmy Fallon right now. I reiterate the question asked yesterday, which is how did he get The Roots as his house bamd. Very strange.

So lots going on in the world of hot stove Beisbol*. Red Sox get Lackey and Mike Cameron. Angels get Hideki Matsui. Mariners get Cliff Lee. The Phillies get Roy Halladay. I did't like the move at first, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense for the Phils. Cliff Lee was going to test free agency, so Philly guaranteed themselves an ace for another 4 years. The only question mark, I guess, is the mileage on Halladay's arm. He's pitched a lot of innings in Toronto. My question is since they were all meaningless minutes, were they as physically taxing? (No, I'm not serious)

On to football. Saints and Colts are still undefeated. The End.

This Chris Henry story is sad. While we don't know all the details yet, it did seem like he had finally turned the corner in his life. He's certainly been given enough "second" chances and maybe was finally getting it. Sports are always an afterthought when something like this happens. guess all you can do is hope the guy pulls through. Say what you will about his mistakes, he has 3 kids that need a dad.

So what is more akward? President Obama accepting a Nobel Peace Prize just after signing an order for more troops in Afghanistan or Tiger being announced as Athlete of the Decade with everything that is going on with him? Now mind you, I think his personal exploits have nothing to do with his ability as a golfer. But the timing of this announcement absolutely could not be worse. Life is just funny sometimes.

On a holiday note, I can't wait til Christmas is over. Seriously, all these commercials are driving me insane. They do nothing but remind you of how little time you have to complete your shopping. Or if you don't have people to shop for, they remind you how lonely you are. Pretty much they suck. Is it New Year's Eve yet?

Speaking of New Year's Eve, I realized today that I had the Thanksgiving post and will have Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. I'm guessing that there won't be much traffic here on those days. I feel cheated.

Ok, I'm done. Let's bring some heat with the TCS people!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Internet crashed

That's the awlesome* thing about working for a small company. You get to be the "IT" guy and everything else all in one. Came in this morning to people bitching that the interweb was broken. Damn you Al Gore. IT guy doesn't come in until 10 usually because he's a lazy fuckstick. So Blue had to troubleshoot and fix...fuck that noize.

Anyway, I had this whole thing planned out to discuss and now its all fucked up.

One thing about Josh McDaniels....I hate it when you won't tell the truth and everyone knows you're lying and you smirk about it because they know you're lying and you know you're lying. Just fucking say "I don't trust Peyton Hillis in short yardage"...and done

Brandon Marshall's game is getting a lot of run around here of course. Talk radio has discussed the accomplishment with just about every reciever in Broncos history. Personally, i'm tired of it...good job, you caught a bunch of balls. (Balls? what about dong? /EP)

Now that college football is over, I can start moving towards focusing on the Association. Just a quick note about the Blazers...maybe taking Oden over Durant doesn't look so smart right now...but it's ok, Paul Allen is still rich....I think the Spurs "dynasty" is over. Duncan just looks disgusted most of the time, Jefferson sucks, manu's bald spot keeps getting bigger (so does his nose), and Tony Longoria is carrying this team. They're out of the playoffs right now...of course the playoffs don't start today, but that's a mountain to have to climb for an old team.

Last NBA note today. This years draft class looks really solid. It's not 1984 spectacular, or 2003 outstanding...but 2009 will go down as a very good draft. Thabeet was overrated, but it almost always takes the big guys a year or two to get comfortable. Tyreke Evans has been insane, averaging over 20pts/game 5 boards and 5 assists...those are Lebron numbers from his rookie season, and the Kings have already won 10 games...most people thought they'd be lucky to win 10 all season. Johnny Flynn has been electric on a bad Twolves team 14 pts/game as a rookie is solid. Stephen Curry has been decent. But the surprise of the draft has been Brandon Jennings. 21pts/game, around 4 boards and over 6 assists....he might be the next Kenny Anderson. I'll break the draft down in more detail next week, but just trust me, it's going to be a solid group.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Yeah, so I got TPS raped yesterday. I still need to score the weekend post and Keith's post.

TCS round 2 starts with this post. So far the post is awesome. I will add the Round 1 recap and Round 2 preview later today.

Now, onto the recap.

Round 1 was dominated by people getting points for walls. Walls are easy points. Premie Zs were big as well. Old/new chimed in for some big points as well. It was an impressive showing by everyone involved. Anyway, let's get to the Round 2 preview:

#1 seed - Keith 89pts

It should be no surprise that Keith pulls in the #1 seed. He is the hardest working dawg out there. 2 jobs, a wife, a hsil roommate and still he finds the time to post on here. This wasn't as dominating as a performance as it seems though. A young upstart from Indiana nearly unseated him.

# 8 seed - H 35pts

I have no clue how H squeezed his way into this thing. He misses like a day and still make it. Most of his points came on a dominating run during el pad's post. Premie's and hilarity got him some solid points.

Keith VS H Preivew:

H knows he is up against a juggernaut here. So H does the only thing someone in his situation can do....he looks for help through the trade market. That's right, H traded a future TCS draft pick so that he can get the rights to Beth. Beth (29 1st round pts) joins an H team that needed a boost. Will she be enough?

Not to be outdone Keith looks to bolster his team as well. He is late to the game and can only manage to pull away Tyler (3 1st round pts). To secure the rights to Tyler Keith has promised to give at least one of his cats the "engine treatment."

#2 seed - Freak 85pts

Call him the 3am wall king. He may have found a loophole in the TCS scoring and he is exploiting it...maybe. Whatever the case he finds himself in the #2 spot. This could be perhaps the crowing acheivment of his young life. People have to ask themselves whether or not he can build on this.

# 7 seed - el pad 44pts

El pad has a disappointing 1st round. I am sure he expected to be ranked higher, but he isn't. Maybe he was sandbagging and saving it up for round 2. We'll certainly find out.

Freak VS El Pad Preview:

El Pad is a NYC guy so anytime they see someone do something they need to copy it. So El Pad threw a bunch of cash at the best available player and picked up Spiff (33 1st round points) to bolster his team. Of course I think Spiff is on vacation now, so El Pad may have made a stupid NYC purchase. Only time will tell.

Freak didn't really think he needed much help to beat the combo of El Pad and Spiff so he went out and got himself half of Rev(22 1st round points). That's right, he only secured the rights to half of Rev's points. It turns out that Freak's mom didn't have enough food in the fridge for Freak to be able to secure all of Rev's points.

#3 seed - Zeke 75pts

After a disasterous 1st day of round 1 Zeke picked up the pace and dominated. If it weren't for a bad day 1 he might have had the first seed. But instead he has to settle for the #3 seed. (Insert your own Zeke's likes #3 joke here)

#6 seed - blue 44pts

Blue uses a strong midweek performance to get the 6 seed. His round 1 performance might not have been vintage, but it was enough to get him into the next round. And considering he has 4 houses to maintain he doesn't have the time to be dominate in the TCS.

Zeke VS Blue Preview:

Zeke had a great plan to secure the rights to tem to add to his team, but he quit midway through. So the league decided to just give him 1/2 of Rev's points. Again quitting seems to have benefited zeke. He gets half of Rev's points and didn't have to give up anything. Rev is probably fired up because he was banking on getting some more food for his remaining points. Too bad.

Blue being the strategist he is decided to get someone who can rattle Zeke. He figures a shook Zeke will enable him to score the upset. So Blue has signed Kod(27 1st round points) to bolster his squad. Many pundits are figuring this plan will backfire because Kod has a tendency to get into slappers with zeke. However, if blue ships Kod some Coors Light and/or Lysol Kod will probably bring enough hilarity to the table to secure the upset.

#4 seed - TP 64pts

The clear sentimental favorite. TP found some energy and had a banner week for him. Natty Zs all around to get points. The only question is, will he have enough left in the tank to make it past Round 2?

#5 seed - meiz 57pts

Blogging from work and then having some Chitown tail to chase hurt Meiz's score in round 1. But he still got enough points to advance and he has to be pleased with his matchup.

TP VS Meiz Preview:

TP knows he needs some help to beat Meiz, so he went out to the garage, found a bike helmet and shipped it off to NC. That's all he needed to do to secure the rights to Steve (13 first round points). Most pundits are saying that it won't be enough to ensure a victory.

With his back up against the wall Meiz made what most pundits are calling the greatest move of all time. Meiz called up coach Karl and asked for some advice. Coach Karl told Meiz to go get the guy from Texas. So Meiz listened up and went out and secured the rights to Jug (8 1st round points). Meiz gave up alot to get Jug but it should be worth it. Meiz has to deck excmjug anytime she rises up and he is responsible for anything train track related Jug is assigned. But it should be worth it, Jug is coming off a vacation or something so he is well rested and ready to take Meiz to the next round.

Handicapping Round 2

Keith/Tyler -20 vs H/Beth

Freak/.5rev -3 vs Elpad/Spiff

Zeke/.5rev -6 vs Blue/Kod

TP/Steve +4 vs Meiz/Jug

Monday, December 14, 2009

Back with a vengeance!!!

kod gave me a pretty suite picture. He must of* googled "giant douchebag". Anyway, I just googled db's name and saw this from deadspin, or ksk, or aa, or fjm or some shit...
As far as the Bill Simmons' Chat....there's really only one response to post.

Josh (Indy): What happened to your old intern, Kevin Cott?

SportsNation Bill Simmons: He graduated from law school and just took the bar... I am trying to get him to start his own sports blog. I have this great idea for him - instead of writing columns and testing the limits of his talents, he can just sit back and post snarky comments all day about other people's columns. I think this could work.

So yeah, that's pretty much what we do. I also saw on the the google search that db has been practicing law since 2006.
A) The term practicing law makes me laugh. Maybe some day they'll be able to play a real game. This might be CoLoV
B) Someone I think mentioned this the other day during the convo, but fmb's last name is Cott, right?
C) I got nothing

Giants lookt* good on Sunday night. Eli is a clumsy mfer. He is so goddman awful. Andruw Jones thinks Eli isn't earning that big contract.

Accenture dropped Tigger*. Maybe it's because his dialect is too American. They should sign a foreigner. (That joke is probably too much of a reach. I apologize)

Panthers think Moss quit. Zeke approves

Chargers +3 was probably the biggest lock of the year, right? I mean before the game, not now. Because it's pretty much a lock now.

UFC suckt* this weekend. There was one good fight, but seeing Diego's face get basht* in was pretty suite. There was blood all over the place. tem, you can change my name/pic for Thursday after my payoff with kod is over.

csil/hsil story of the weekend. hsil was hammered and a hot mess. And when she's a hammered mess, the Mets would look at her and say "Wow, what a mess". She has to yell everything. There is no way around it. You could be 5" in front of her and she would be yelling in your face. Like top of her lungs yelling. So she's a hot mess, and hsil is just being a bitch to some douches there. It was pretty funny. She was playing beer pong with some folk and some douche was making comments about how they all suckt* and hsil totally clowns him. I think he wanted to punch her, but ended up walking inside. Then she started crying (s).

Jug's city likes homo's* running it. LP would like Houston.


Thursday, December 10, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Brian Kelly to ND, think they got it right this time? I do, dude has won everywhere he's gone. Although I think Harbaugh would have been a better fit. So the Stillirs are done. They lose 13-6 and were dreadful. I thought unleash hell was the opposite of what they are unleashing. They are unleashing dog poo. In baseball Milton Bradley might gets traded todayssss. That's all I really have to say about that.

That Avatar movie that premiered in London is getting killer reviews. Weird. It looks like crap. Oh and Tiger might quit or take a year off.

Jersey Shore show still great.

Overall : 39-41-2
Last Week : 3-5
Situation : -$1300

I gotta really dig deep here. I wouldn't want Kevin having any ammo about my handicapping skillz. And with no college to lean on, I'll have to make hay with NFL picks. What does make hay mean?

Green Bay(-3) is 9-3 ATS against the NFC North in the past 12 games which is really this year and last. Cute fact, take away Packer losses from week 2 and week 5 (both against the Vikes) and they'd only have one loss to the lowly Bucs. But you can play that game with alot of teams. Anyway they have won 4 in a row, they are getting stronger on D really buying into the 3-4 scheme and executing Dom Capers plan to a T. If I'm wrong about this game it's going to hurt because this Bear team is crap. In all phases. Cutler has no weapons, he's like a soilder being sent to war with a pop gun. The defense has given up 120 points in the past 5 games alone. They are not in the top 10 in any category including vaunted special teams. I wonder why Lovie hasn't been mentioned, nationally at least, as being on the hot seat. This season has been a nightmare for Chicago and Green Bay waxes that ass on Sunday for sure. ($250)

Sorry Kevin, congrats Kod. I'm taking the 6.5 in the Cincy/Minny game. Basically Cincy has proven they can stop the run. They have also proven they can run the ball. Two key components for December football, especially in a hostile enviorment. Suprisingly Minny is 1-7 ATS in their past 8 December games. Furthermore, the Bengals are 6-0 ATS against a team with a winning record including 5-0 when they are the underdog by 3-9 points. AND 4-0 when they are the road team. It's been a Who Dey year as they say. ($200)

I think Tampa (+3) wins game #2. Kellen Clemens is pretty bad, worse than the Sanchize. Both teams run, run and run. I also like the under, which is 37. Past 5 games each team has played hit the under. By a good margin. (Tampa +3, $100 & under 37 $100)

Like the bet I have with Zeke, Cowboys go 1-3 down the stretch and one of those 3 will be against the red hot Chargers, who are road dogs, getting 3 in Jerry's world. ($200)

I have it on good authority that the Titans (-13) demolish the Rams in my building. ($150)

This is how we do it, it's... thursday morning. Oops!

Dumb title. The post will be worse.

The wheels seem to be falling off pretty quick for the Patriots. After two tough losses, 4 players were sent home from practice today for arriving late due to the weather. Randy Moss, Gary Guyton, Adalius Thomas and Derrick Burgess. Players refused to comment on it, but it really seems like bad timing to me. Moss has been getting KILLED on local sports yak. Most callers and hosts are saying he is taking plays off again and made no effort to prevent that Vonte Davis interception in the end zone. I don't know if we can call this a rebuilding year, but there is something definitely wrong with N.E. The defense can't stop anyone and the offense is sputtering. I don't really have a point here, just felt it was worht mentioning.

Tom Brady had a baby boy. That is to say, his wife had the baby. They apparently don't have a name for him yet. That seems weird to me. I mean, it's not like you didn't know this was coming. You had 9 months to plan it.

I mentioned this before, but I think the Curtis Granderson trade is a good move for the Jankees*. They're one question mark coming off of their World Series title was outfield production and defense in the coming year. They definitely addressed that without giving up much. I think that we are finally seeing what a talented GM Brian Cashman really is. the Yankees have always had resources, but now that George Steinbrenner is no longer in such an active role with the team Cashman is able to spend the money how he sees fit. And he's done a hell of a job.

For those of you that participated in the conversation about whether I should have driven this morning, I hate you all. It took me 3 hours to make a 60 mile roundtrip. At one point in the trip, it took me 45 minutes to travel 3 exits. I was driving 5 mph in a 55 mph zone. I will never understand Boston drivers. Most of them have either grown up here or been living here for a long period of time. Yet it seems that no one knows how to drive in the snow. Does this happen other places???

This is a weird story. I mean good that she got away, nut seriously, how does it take you until you are in the car to realize you don't actually know this person? People are stupid.

OK, I'm done. Let the TCS continue...

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

RIP Barrel Man

An iconic figure in NFL fandom has passed away. Tim Mckernan the Barrel Man died the other day because he smoked too much or something. Fans here are crazy, they think he should be inducted into the ring of fame, he already has a barrel in the Hall of Fame in Canton. All because he didn't want to be a weasel and lose a $10 bet. I won't post his picture because i'm sure everyone knows what he looks like, and that wouldn't be good for the TCS.

So the office holiday party was last night. Nothing like a bunch of drunk women opening shitty gifts. I had to put on my "oh this is nice" face that I learnt when I used to get presents from my grandma. Although this year we did something different and stupid, basically we did secret santa, but you had to buy that person something they would have enjoyed when they were between the ages of 6-18 and then we give that gift to some homeless charity thing.

It was kind of lame. I drew short mini-skirt lady who I should have fired a long time ago. She's like 50 something, so I thought that when she was 15 she would have liked a box of condoms. Cmblue talked me out of that, although I think the homeless shelter would have appreciated it. My second choice was a bottle of Jack Daniels, because i'm sure she liked to party back then...again cmblue shot it down. So I bought some of those ghey twilight books (because maybe she likes vampires). She opens them up and says, that's funny, I hate reading... Well they weren't for you anyway bitch...should have fired her on the spot. The food was horrible, the gifts were lame...I "got" a toy safe and a monopoly game, because i'm an accountant I guess. This just in, when I was that age, I didn't want to be an accountant. Oh least the party is over, so I can go back to worrying about what to buy cmblue.

Last christmas rant and i'm done. So the other day, I get an email from my step grandmother about christmas this year. We have never spent Christmas together, because frankly, she's my step mom's mom, and I don't give a shit about that side of the family. Well this year we don't have any choice because cmblue is to pregnant to go anywhere so we're stuck here with that part of the family. this email she states that this year we're going to do a secret santa for all the people that will be at the celebration. (By the way, she hired a professional photographer as well for this Christmas) So, i'm not opposed to the secret santa idea per se, but the problem is that I want to get something for my parents and that's it, and maybe my sister. Instead, I drew my step-aunt's lesbian life partner, who i've met like one time. So beyond that, typically my Dad and Step-Mom usually buy each of their "kids" some gifts and blah blah blah. Well because of this awesome secret santa idea, i get screwed out of getting a blu-ray player from my pops this year. Fuck it, I said it, i'm selfish, who cares. The moral to the story, don't get your wife pregnant.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

TCS Begins

Well I guess it is time to start the TCS. The following are the rules for the TCS.

1st Round is this post through Keith's post next Monday. It includes LOV AD and LOV WE.

The 1st Round will feature no head to head match ups it is Rotisserie or however that is spelled. The top 8 people advance to round 2.

Round 2 is from my next post through Keith's 12-21 post. If you are going on vacation tough. Round 2 will be seeds 1 vs 8, 2 vs 7, etc.

TCS takes a holiday break and resumes with Round 3 starting with my 1-5 post.

Round 4, the final round starts with my 1-12 post and goes through Keith's 1-18 post.

My 1-19 post will be a post dedicated to the awesomeness of the winner.

I will give periodic updates to the scoring.

During round 1 a person can get no more than 100 points on a single post.

In the event of a tie I will break the tie with a trivia question that hopefully can not be looked up on the intraweb.

Scoring is as such:
comments that make me laugh are worth 1 or 2 points, depending on the comedy level.
comments with stupid HDH that appears forced are worth -2 points unless noted by an asterisk indicating you did it on purpose.
comments with links to nekkid celebs I have never seen before are worth 2 points
comments with links to nekkid people I don't want to look at are worth -2 points.
comments that would resemble a good temrant are worth 2 points.
spamming comments is worth -5 points. i alone determine spamming. (this will come into play when someone blocks their way to newer/older)
natty Zs are worth 2 points.
premie Zs are worth 2 points.
properly timed walls are worth 2 points
bad walls are worth -2 points.
cumfastery on links is worth -2 points.
messing up then/than will be punished, I don't care if you end up with a negative. -2 for then/than error
by the by, accepted lov vernacular, like suite, holier then now, etc will not be penalized.
properly hitting older, newer, sparta and rev is worth 2 points.
messing up older, newer, sparta and rev is worth -2 points.
comments that otherwise are impressive but not specifically noted above are worth 1 or 2 points. this is a catch all category because the above rules don't capture all the awesomeness that is spewed here.
remember during round 1 a person can get no more than 100 points on a single post.
a nekkid picture of beth ends the TCS and whoever posted the picture is declared the winner, beth is declared to get 2nd. If beth links the pic she gets both 1st and 2nd.
a nekkid picture of hsilok puts keith in the finals no questions asked.
these pictures have to be good pictures and can't suck.
randomly I will ask trivia questions. whoever answers it first gets 2 points.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Things that suckt this weekend

Here's what suckt over the weekend...

SEC/National Championship Game. I turnt it off during the 1st quarter. Alabamer is gonna destroy Texas. With that said, Texas will probably win.

Texas' clock management. WFT was Colt doing at the end of the game? I think he was trying to keep Boise out of the BCS.

Mark* Hamill. Getting the crown of your nose bashed it and split wide open and fucking up your shoulder all in 2-3 minutes must suck. Winning the match by DQ probably doesn't suck as much.

The Kimbo Slice fight. Most boringest* fight I've erve* seen. IMHO I think it was fized* so that Kimbo could get his 1st UFC win. The other dude wasn't trying. He threw a kick that took down Kimbo and then just stood there and lookt at him instead of following up on it.


Not cmk.

The Steelers. Congrats on your world championship last year. You suck this year.

Shaun Suisham. 23 yard FGs are probably FGs you should make.

The Lions. 2-14 BABY!!!!

Bert Farr. There's the Bert we knew. ISAS it took 12 weeks to see him.

cmk being out of town all weekend. OK, that was the opposite of suck.

Softball. It was like 40° and we lost by 15.

If Monday counted as the weekend, I would add this post to the list.

Go comment

Friday, December 04, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Inch by inch.

Overall : 36-36-2
Last Week : 3-1
Situation : -$950

The Big Game ($200). Purnts please. Alabama +5.5 (If it moves north I want it) over Tebow's. What is it with Tebow. Is he the greatest college player ever? I mean Tony Dorsett was no fucking joke. Charles Woodson? John Elway was great. I mean Tebow runs and sometimes throws. He wins. No doubt. But can he be stopped? Is it all him? How many times have we seen in college football a player leave and the team be just as good or better? Will that happen with Florida? The emigma of Tebow interests me.

Last week I thought Pitt was going to beat Cincy this week but I'm changing my mind. Give me the Bearcats -2 over Pitt. ($150) Interesting, a Big East team, no matter how weak the conference is, will be undefeated. Pretty good story about the Cincy WR.

I think Texas (-14.5, $200) destroys Nebraska to solidify thier place in the National Title game.

Georgia Tech (+1, $200) going to run roughshod all over Clemson's face.

Pros before Ho's

Houston (-1, $200) wakes up and beats the piss out of Jacksonville.

New England always rebound. Load up on them, Pats -3 for $200.

I might regret this but I'm taking the home dog Falcons, who are +5.5 over the Eagles ($200). Falcons are faster birds and have sharper talons. Philly missing DeSean Jackson and Westbrook again.

Indy -6.5 over Titans ($200). Indy is 7-2-1 ATS this year. Cover monsters. Plus I can see a good % of people riding those points and I want to go the other way.

I feel sexy today.

Thursday, December 03, 2009


I usually sleep the day away on thursday, hence the title of this post.

So Tiger woods all but admitted he cheated. No surprise there. He knew he was caught. His statement today reminded me of Jason Giambi's "admission" a few years back. he apologized without saying what he actually did, even though everybody knows what it was. See, as stated here in yesterday's comments, Tiger needs to learn how to run game. Balancing a couple women is a delicate thing. Takes a lot of work and attention to detail. Obviously, he slipped up. Players school 101: Never leave evidence. Especially when there is a prenup involved.

On another Tiger-related note, yesterday morning on the J.T. the Brick sho, Tom Looney was saying how this all wasn't a big deal to Elin because European women have a different, more realistic view of men and their indiscretions. Um, Tom, she took a golf club to his Cadillac. What would she do if she was American?

On to football. The patriots got tooled. That's old news, but figured I should included it in my post since I'm always accused of being a homer. I have no complaints about officials or bad luck or anything. New Orleans just out-played, out-coached, and out-muscled New England. Kudos to them.

Jerry Jones is a bit of a dick, but we knew this.

TMQ will be happy about this, but he'll still say it isn't enough. I agree, but it is a step in the right direction at least.

Hines Ward apologized for the distraction he caused. I think he should also apologize for the irresponsible comments he made and the poor message he sent to the kids playing football. Suggesting that Big Ben need to man up and play after a concussion is a great example of the stupid, tough guy mentality of NFL players. How would Hines have felt if Ben took another hit that sidelined him for the rest of the season. Yes it was an important game, but the steelers need a healthy Roethlisberger if they have any prayer at repeating (AHIIK).

Ok, I think I'm done for now. Maybe I'll add more later, but I doubt it.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Wide Right

That's how i'll remember Bobby Bowden. That stunned look on his face. According to wikipedia, there were 3 more wide rights, and a wide left. Maybe recruit a kicker.
I worked with a guy who was the kicker at FSU for awhile, he was doing real well for himself making meiz type money. I fired him (s). Actually he quit so he could go kick in the World League...wonder how that ever turned out for him.

I wonder what Tebow had to say to the drunken gator? I bet it wasn't very christian of him. Maybe he encouraged him to get help and that the team would rally around him in his time of need. Or maybe Tebow went out and had sex with the guy's sister...This is what the public wants to know.

Tiger likes the pussy. He's the anti-meiz....good at golf, extremely rich, and enjoys the ladies.

This just in II
Noter Dame to interview Bobby Bowden for their head coaching vacancy.

You can love Bowden or hate him, but he was a hell of a coach, and in all respects a pretty good guy. I was kind of on the fence with him and his merry band of thugs for most of his career, but when I saw him in We Are Marshall...well, that made me like him. He taught Matty Matt how to run the veer option, and Marshall won a game. Maybe Bowden should have gone back to the veer, it works for Paul Johnson. Maybe he'll bring the veer back to Noter Dame.

That's all I've got today. Tem is sad for his fellow WaVaian, but like Eva Peron said, Bobby said it best "Don't cry for me Argentina".

Tuesday, December 01, 2009


I think the holidays are really good at messing up my sleep schedule (sleep?? /keef).

I had a good schedule going where I was getting to bed around 11, waking up around 7 and getting to work on time. Thanksgiving screwed that all up. Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sunday I slept in past 11. Now it is hard as hell to get up in the morning. In fact I am still at home now, writing this post instead of being at work writing the post because I was too tired to get up on time. I guess I only have myself to blame. Woe.

So the Saint's looked pretty good...or the Pats looked really bad. Did you know the Saint's signed their starting corners like 2 weeks ago??? I'm not sure if you heard that. If you watched the game you might have missed the announcers talking about it. They didn't talk about it much. S

John Gruden is OK in the booth, but I can kind of see why he got fired as a coach. Everytime a defender was near the receiver he would call it good coverage. One time the Pats defender was falling down and Gruden said it was just a great throw because the coverage was good...Umm, the defender was falling down, he wasn't really in a position to make a play. So in any case Gruden also said Freak's post yesterday was good. He hasn't chimed in on today's.

WFT were the Saint's challenging on their fumble recovery then refumble? Way to waste a timeout. I am SAS that it didn't come back to bite them in the a$$ later.

I still need to shower before going into work. If Blue were my boss I'd have been fired a long time ago. He is ruthless.

So Bowden retired? Is that what they call being told to quit? I guess. Maybe Weiss retired too.

Speaking of Weiss if he becomes an NFL assistant does ND still pay him? I know that if he takes another college job ND is off the hook for the 6 or so years they owe him. Not sure what happens if he goes back to the pros. He probably still gets paid. Weiss is one rich fat sumbitch.

Monday, November 30, 2009

I'd be reticent to say this is a good post

I'm sick. Woe. LoVers need to stay away when they're sick, because they spread too many germs here. So this post is gonna be short. LMC

Hey Leinart, how does VY's as. taste again?

The Tiger Woo story is dumb. I'm pretty sure Elin didn't need to take a 9-iron to the back winder* of the Escalade to get Tigger out. They probably got in a fight, she broke out his back window, he took off, and ran into a tree. The lesson, as always, don't cheat and get caught.

The college fooyball* championship is this weekend. Who knew that it was January already.

Please Lord, let Charlie Weis keep his job.


Friday, November 27, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Overall 33-35-2
Situation ($1050)
Last Week 1-4

Making a east coast team travel to Denver on a short week is gay. With that said the Giants are barely a playoff team right now so what difference does it make. The offensive line that has been together the longest in the league really blows right now and the defensive coordinator is a dirty tampon. Moving on Brian Dawkins is still an incredible football player what the fuck was Philly thinking.

Miami - 3 over Buffalo ($250) because they are two hundred and fifty dollars better than the Bills.

Seattle only a 3 point favorite against a St Loo team that is featuring Kyle Boller at QB and a banged up Stephen Jackson. Give me the Hawks. ($150)

Indy -3.5 over Houston ($100)

I might add more. Blac Friday is upon us, go out you sheep and buy discounted electronics.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

happy Thanksgiving LOV.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Whether you are spendding it with friends, family, or by yourself, enjoy yourselves and be safe.

Also, keep the troops overseas in mind. They can't be with their families because they are defending our freedom. So if you get the chance, thank a soldier.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving Eve

The day before thanksgiving sucks, especially if you half* two* work. I think there will be a total of like 4 people in the office today (ns). I will be closing the office at noon, so I can go get my goose on.

Speaking of thanksgiving, Turkey is overrated. If it's so grate* why don't people cook turkeys in June? I've really got nothing today, no gas in the tank.

I got to watch first hand the suckitude that is the Nets. They are a truly awful team...the Nuggets starters didn't even play in the 4th quarter, there was a point in the game where it looked like a pickup game with all the layups and dunks. Of course LP wouldn't give up all those layups, he's a stalwart at the park.

Jimmy Clausen got cold-cocked...good for him. And by him, i mean the guy who punched him. I hope he said "quit being such a douche" and hit him. Clausen will be just fine, he'll get his millions next year, and he can be the next Rick Mirer or Brady Quinn. Exciting times for Irish fans.

Anyway, that's enough for today. I was going to make a list of what everyone should be thankful for, but that seemed like a lot of work. Now H has an idea for tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Temblings again

Tuesdays are not a great day to be recapping sports. Talking about the weekend action was so yesterday and it is too soon to talk about the coming weekend's action. So here we stand with nothing really to talk about. Discussions could arise about the Titans who apparently don't suck anymore or about the Nets who suck a lot....but they won't. Instead I'll just type some stuff until I have to leave for a 9am meeting. Basically this is going to suck so just skip it and go comment.


Source: Irish QB Clausen punched by irate fan --- good, I am positive Clausen was being a douche.

Titans win 4th straight on Brown's wide kick --- Brown can't hit a pressure kick for the life of him. He has cost the Texans like 2 wins.

Source: 49ers drop tampering charges vs. Jets --- Hopefully not into the pool, they'll never find it then.

Purdue edges Tennessee for Paradise Jam title ---- I don't even know what sport this is for.


If you want to open a bar you should put "Devil's" in the name. That instantly makes a bar cooler.

I went to the mall on sunday. The mall was open at 10:30am but no stores opened until noon. What the fuck is the point of that?

Downstairs neighbor came up and visited last night, she was really drunk. Hilarity ensued. She really likes to make out with married guys. She is like hsilok but she goes all the way.

If you are ever on Riverside Drive in Columbus be prepared to go at least 15mph under the speed limit. The drivers on that road are old and rich and bad.

Was talking to a land owner yesterday and he told me that the big boss at my work is a stubborn old coot. I had no response.

TPS has gone full out assault on me lately. I don' like it. I need to win the lottery.

Speaking of lottery, I went to a filming of the state's saturday lottery tv show. It was fantastic. I don't have the words to describe how awesome it was. This one really fat lady was playing to make money so her friend could go to Texas. He friend had about $5,000 worth of tats on him. I just kept thinking if he had just saved that cash he could go to Texas. Dude had a snake tattoo on his face, and head and neck.

This post sucks. I should have just done a Brutus and Timmy thing.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Nice post, Freak

I'm not feeling it tonight. I'm tired.

Bangles lost to Oakland. I'm not shocked, but I'm surprised. Tem is happy with the Big Gradkowski. At least Pittsburgh lost, too. The Lions are 1 step closer to 8-8. If they win the rest of their games, I'll let mize choose my name/pic for a month. Dallas/Warshington* game looked like it was exciting. 7-6 games are the worse.

Jay Cutler sucks.

I've said this before, but I hope ND doesn't fire Weis. I am enjoying the Chuck Weis era and would hate to see it end so soon.

tOSU looked awful on Saturday. Actually, the defense lookt* ok. Bent but didn't break. But the offense is just terrible. I'm not sure if Tressel is just doing what he feels is just enough to win, or if he's really worried about trying to let it loose with Pryor. Either way, they need to do more in the Rose Bowl. Looks like they're gonna play a team from Oregon. I would prefer they play the Beavers.

Can't believe this week is Thanksgiving. Where did the year go? I start the night yob on Monday so hopefully the 3 day week will fly by.

cmk & I tried out the Five Guys burgers for dinner. They were decent. I wasn't a fan of the fries, though. I don't prefer the bigger fries like they have. And it seems pretty spendy for a burger place. We each got a single patty burger, split fries and a drink and it was $15. I prefer In N Out to Five Guys.

I prefer In N Out with Five guys. /beth

Watched a little bit of the AMAs. I would take a menage a quatro with Rihanna, Carrie Underwood, and Leona Lewis.

I took this season off of softball because there was too much shit going on. But my buddy called me on Sunday and axed if I could fill in. He said they were 0-6 and the closest game they'd had so far was 16-4. So I get there and we still only have 9 guys. But luckily the other team only had 9, too, and we won. Played 6 innings and batted 7 times. That was fun.

Get well soon, Beth. Those lawyers' dongs are going to suck themselves.

Friday, November 20, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Overall : 32-31-2
Last Week : 5-3
Situation : -700

Pros before ho's

Had Miami +3 last night.....DET. Ricky Williams took a corn shit on the Panthers.

Jets +10.5 over PATS
That's alot of purnts* for a division game. Pats ain't nowhere near the 18-1 team, they are still building that back up. Jets beat them earlier in the year and that gives them some confidence. CLOSER THAN THE EXPERTS THINK! Plus I can't get a read on the Pats right now, after that Sunday night game they might be too low or too excited. Not sure which one. ($200)

BAL +1 over Colts
Classic letdown game. And if you think it can't happen to the Colts it can. Just watch. Ray Lewis and company seem to get jacked up on national television especially against a top 5 team like the Colts. ($100)

Buffalo +9 over JAX
Jags ain't good. MJD is good but Jax as a team are not good. I think Buffalo stays close, maybe even upsets the Jags and gets the black guy his first win alot quicker than it took that black guy in Tampa. I'm sure this game is blacked out so no one will know what happens. I'lll have to check the USA Today boxscore on Monday as if it was 1992 (Boxscores suck me everytime. / tp). ($100)

This week sucks. Good week to take the top 3 getting all the action (Steelers 79%, Eagles 76% and Bengals 75%) and doing the opposite. But this time around I like 2 out of 3 so let's just ride the one I don't like. Philly -3 over CHICAGO. I'm taking the Bears even though Cutler had been playing like a wet tampon. ($100)

I ain't taking KC with Steelers in town, I'll actually lay the 10 there and take the Steelers for($50). It must suck to be a KC fan, Steve would have a field day calling them out.

Bengals -9.5 looks juicy too but I just want to stay away from it so, no play on the call.
The Colts are getting 74% of the action. So I will look smat* if Baltimore gets it done. Detroit getting 73%. Good lord just fire Mangini already.

RIP the Georgia bulldog, again. They have a short life span. The respiratory system of a bulldog is as bad as keef's colon system.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I'm a Loser, Baby...

This post is dedicated to Steve. Don't worry big guy, the helmet looks fine. Keep hoping. Maybe one day they will find a cure for the ratardness that ails you.

So it is Thursday morning, and people are STILL killing Bill Belichick on the Local sports yak stations. Like I said Sunday night and Monday morning, I HATED the call to go for it on 4th and 2, but get over it already. The Pats are still 6-3, still in first place in the division and still likely to make the playoffs. yeah, the loss might come back to bite them in the playoffs, but let's deal with that when it happens.

The Bills are reportedly interested in Mike Shanahan (not Brendan Shanahan, Bleu). I think this would actually be a smart move. Shanahan's system has always produced good RBs, and what fits the cold, snowy, Buffalo winters better than a solid rushing attack?

I don't understand why this became such a big story. so the dude got emotional at a team meeting. Is he the first guy ever to do this? Anyone remember Dick Vermeil? Dude cried at everything. Or T.O.? "That's my quarterback, man" *sob*. People are redonk.

No one here cares about soccer, but the field is set for the World Cup. My ancestors' homeland earned a berth.

The GGW pictures are still M.I.A. Like I said before, the nigth overall was a disappointment as far as nudity goes, so don't expect much on the pictures once I actually get them. We'll see.

EP, I'm not weaseling, I'm broke. You will get your beer ASAP though. Need your address again. You can email it to me.

Those of you with Blackberrys (Blackberries?), hook a brother up with your PINs. Blackberry Messenger, another form of LOV harrassment!!

Science is cool.

Somehow, I think this should have raised a red flag...

I'm done with this post. Let the slappers ensue.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

College Basketball is the best

Every year Gonzaga beats a top ranked team or plays them really tough. They suck me every year. This year it was a trip to East Lansing and Michigan State and Izzo's boyz pulled it out (unlike blue and now he is going to have 2 kids). The Zags played them tough though. I respect that school, but it's in a shitty town, spokompton as we called it when I was at university. As I was watching the game with all the State students there, I couldn't help wondering if the seniors were excited to be graduating into a state that has like 37% unemployment. I think i'd flunk a few classes. I also wonder if the governor of Mishigan was watching that game and looking at the students in the stands and thinking "These are our great hope for the future?". Lots of ugly and dumb people at Michigan State.

I have it on good authority that Chris Simms is awful.

Blindsight* is a suite to see a free preview. Free movies are almost always better, but this one would be worth paying for. Except Sandra Bullock has an awful accent. She could take lessons for the 'Nard dawg on how to do a southern accent.

Read on ESPN: Shanahan hangs up skates after 21 years.....two thoughts, I wonder if his wife was bugging him about hanging them up all this time so he finally did. My wife bugs me about hanging up my coat. And 2) why does mike shanahan have skates? both of these thoughts were (ns).

This is all for now...i'm still waiting for those ggw pictures.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cantankerous Twirlydiddles

License Plate

I didn't see any of note this week. Or at least one that was so noteworthy that I remembered it. I saw lots of people's names. Oddly most of the time the name gender didn't match the gender of the person driving the car. A big black guy with DENISE on the plate. Some lady driving DARRINS Mustang. I think I am getting bored with the license plates. Which means you all were bored with it months ago, like before I even added it to the "column." So I might be retiring it.

OSU Football

After like 4 or 5 straight Big 10 titles everyone is back on the Tressel wagon. The fans here love him again. He takes a lot of heat for doing nothing but win a lot of games. In any case if (AHIIK) he loses to Michigan this week expect everyone to hate him again. Once Oregon clinches the Pac 10 they'll set the spread for ORE/OSU at ORE -15. Then tOSU will lose a close Rose Bowl and everyone will move on.

WVU football

It is sad to me that the ceiling for Coach Stewart's reign as head coach was his very first game. It has totally been all downhill from there. I'll give the old coot credit though, he isn't letting the team slide downhill as fast as I thought they would. I honestly thought they wouldn't even make a bowl this year, but he rallied the troops and probably will finish 7-6 or 8-5 after the bowl loss. I think it is pretty obvious that he is never going to build the program up from where Rich Rod had it. Rich Rod may be a dickhead, but he had that program built up pretty good. Coach Stewart looks like an old man looking for his Matlock DVDs on the sideline. He is never going to build that program, only tear it down piece by piece. So let's all watch WVU football die a slow and painful death. At least we have a good basketball team. And as long as the players keep making bail they should win around 30 games this year.


San Jose has the most points. They must be good.

$250K fines

Bud Adams got the smackdown from the NFL. $250K for flipping off Buffalo fans. He'll say he is sorry, but it is probably worth it.

So, here is a question for some accountant dork. Are these fines tax deductible? They (the NFL) just donate the money to charity so does it count as a charitable contribution? I think it might. Which makes the fine mean a whole lot less.


Atlanta and Phoenix have the best records and therefore the best teams....who knew?

The Warriors shipped Jackson to the Bobcats...I am pretty sure shipping people is illegal.


I believe all UFC fighters either have the dreaded yet to be determined disease that is going around or quit. So there is no good news man.


B. Quinn - 13/31 99yds 0td 2int 23.5 rating

Umm, maybe he isn't the answer either. The Browns should try to get Leftwich to play for them.

Don't know why the Bengals sign LJ unless Benson is really hurt.

Chatter about benching Cutler...NFW.

OK I am done.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Everything's coming up roses

tOSU earns the opportunity to get smoked by the Ducks in the Rose Bowl. Even though they won on Saturday, it was painful to watch because the vest has zero confidence in Pryor. 4th quarter, 3rd and long? Let's run it. He did that on numerous occasions. I mean, I don't blame him because Pryor throws like he's a left-handed person trying to throw right-handed. But put him in shotgun and let him run out of that formation rather than just handing it off. They don't even need WRs on that team. But I'm glad they're going to the Rose Bowl. It's been like 13 years since the last time they went. But now it's Michigan week, and even though tOSU is Big T(elev)en champs, they can't lose to an awful UM team.

Did anyone see that USC/Stansbury* game? Omigod. USC was behind a woodshed or something. Them white boyz whooped up on 'em. That was pretty fun to watch.

Bangles* win a close game in Pittsburgh on Sunday. Keeping the Stillers without a TD was pretty impressive. And winning even though Benson went out in the first quarter was also impressive. And the fact that they won even though LP picked them is probably the most impressive. They're gonna go to the Super Bowl. jinx

Apparently O:FB is alive and well. I turnt off the Colts/Pats game at halftime and fell asleep. I read the comments from last night and I guess the hoodie made a stupid 4th down call. Good for him. He knows how awesome O:FB is, too.

We went out for a friend's birthday on Saturday night and csil was a drunk mess. She spent the whole dinner acting like her bf was going to propose to her that night. And even though we were there for someone else's birthday, csil couldn't let the spotlight off of her for more than 2.4 seconds. Drives me fucking insane.

I think that's all. I don't want to write anymore.

Friday, November 13, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Jay Cutler was brutal. I think he leads the world in red zone picks. That's bad.
I thought I saw Boom Dizzle yesterday on the path train. Turns out it wasn't him. I snapped a pic anyway. By the way if this dude caught me snapping a pic of him I think we'd be fighting. I am a cell phone camera NINJA. Not to be fucked with.

Overall : 26-28-2
Situation : (-$800)
Last Week : 5-3

Wvu +9 Cincy, as the games get bigger the scores get closer. ($100)
Nurth* Carolina at home +3 over Miami ($50)

I think your good laying 13.5 to the Rams. I don't care if that game was in Stave Spagnuolo's living room. He doesn't have the personnel to pressure Brees and that score will be a bunch of crooked numbers to zero. ($250)

Dallas is hot, on fiyyyaaa, too bad it's not January. If I were Aaron Rodgers I'd be having serious nightmares of DeMarcus Ware running at me with foam coming out of his mouth and body slamming me to the Lambeau turf. Lay the 3 to the home dog Packers. ($200)

Broncos -3.5 over Skins, even though the line scares me. The Broncos, and I've never wavered on this, are not THAT good. Better than I expected for sure. But there are only so many 4 yard passing plays you can call before teams start defending it well. Anyway the Skins are a sloppy mess. The coach should be running a bait shop not a football team. (hi deke) ($150)

I might regret this pick because Arizona is like a goddamn yo-yo from week to week but I think the good times roll at home vs the Seahawks. Mainly because they should be able to get to Hasselback. I'd lay the 8.5 and watch Matthew get a Dansby/Dockett sammich. ($150)

Man I'm doing alot of laying here. (/Beth) Wadr. Time for some taking. (/Kod) Wadr.

Bengals are definetely no joke. I'm officially a believer. Thought Marvin Lewis was a joke and would be gone but he's done a fan fucking tastic job. Kills me to say that. That's a big bowl of my words I just ate. Anyway give me the 7 points as they rush into Steeler Country, These two teams are very similar and the game will be decided by less than 7 for sure. ($200)

I don't know who the Jets think they are but giving the Jaguars 7 points sounds like a bad idea. Like the time I let some dude brand my wife. (/Keef) Wadr. I will take those 7 points. ($100)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Love Me Some Hot Stove!

For real, I do enjoy baseball's offseason. It's always fun to talk about trade rumors that arise from the GM meetings, which free agents your team will sign, and what the team will look like by the time pitchers and cathers report. This year's hot free agents include Matt Holiday, Jason Bay and John Lackey. And that's about it for big names. Stay tuned for the action!

Jason Varitek today decided to pick up his player option for 2010 at $3 milliom. Smart move financially for V-Tek, as he won't get that much anywhere else, but I do wonder if there was a starter's job out there for him with a team that has a young pitching staff. He obviously is not the player he once was, but I can see him being a valuable mentor to a young staff, showing them his preparation methods and such. With Victor Martinez as the starter next season, Tek will not see much playijng time here.

Switching to the NFL, there's a lot of talk on sports radio about where Larry Johnson may end up, or if any team will take a chance on him at all. The frontrunners mentioned so far are the Houston Texans. The Patriots have also been mentioned, especially after Bill Belichick said during a press conference this week that the teeam will have "internal discussions" about it. I think in the right situation, LJ can still be a productive back. He just needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Maybe Dick Vermeil had it right when he told LJ it was time to take the diaper off. He still may not have...

Continuing with the NFL, I still will never understand why players insist on providing their opponents with bulleting board material. I mean, grown men shouldn't need someone to talk trash to motivates themselves to perform, but we have all seen examples in the past of a player talking trash before a game, then his team goes out and get crushed. This week, Vernon Davis is talking trash about chicago, while Chad Ochocinco was going to send mustard to the Steelers because they "won't be able to ketchup" (He must read LOV). I just don't get what the motivation is. The 49ers are on a terrible slide. Why give the Bears more incentive to beat you. And the Bengals are playing well, but this will be a tough game against their biggest division rival. Just shut up, play the game, and stop motivating your opponent.

I know no one here cares about soccer, but this is a sad story. I can't imagine feeling like so bad about life that jumping in front of a train is the only solution. Any thoughts on this, Jug?

In non-sports related topics, I'm watching Conan right now and he is interviewing Heather Locklear. I find it amazing that she looks as good as she does at age 48. Holly wood chicks age well for the most part.

I think that is it for today.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Help Wanted

This is an excerpt from an actual resume recieved yesterday:

Dandy Dan's Gentlemen's Club
Persuaded Customers to purchase drinks and dances, along with up-selling higher-end drinks and buckets. I also provided an ear to listen to whatever the customer may want to discuss and helped sort through whatever the days problems may have been.

I wanted to interview her, the hiring manager for the position did not. HR lady thought we should bring her in anyway, just to meet her.

I caught the very end of that "V" show tonight on ABC...the pirate from Average Joe's gym is on that show. Good to see that pirates can still get work even with all the somalian ones ruining for everyone.

Ok, here is my chilis story I alluded to the other day. I'm a lot more calm about it now, and it seems a lot dumber, but so what.

So there we were having a lovely dinner at the local Chilis. I was having the buffalo chicken ranch sandwich. Typically it comes drenched in buffaro sauce, but tonight it only had an ounce of buffaro sauce (ns), so I was already pissed. Then they didn't cook cmblue's burger long enough so they were still pink in the middle...not a great thing for a preggo lady. Anyway, about that time a group sits down at the booth next to us. We are sharing a wall that seperates the tables. Some young chick sets her motorcycle helmet down on top of the wall. Not a big deal right, except that the helmet has a scary looking skull on it. Bgblue is at the age now where she's aware of things that are scary and has serious issues with weird items. For example, she's afraid of shadows, the moon, and the skull freaked her out. She starts screaming crying saying "I don't like it, i don't like it". About that time the waitress comes by and asks what's wrong, I made a joke about her being pissed about the ounce of buffaro sauce on my sandwich. I then tell the waitress to please bring our check and that she's freaked out by the helmet, and we'll just go. Blue knows that bgblue will continue to be freaked out, so it's not worth fighting her about it. Well the waitress decides that she should go and ask the kid to move the helmet, unbeknownst to me. When she asks the kid, she goes ballistic and yells "well i'm not fucking moving it". Which of course makes bgblue even more upset. At this point, blue decides to it's time for him to leave, so he and bgblue get up and go so she'll stop crying. Cmblue is left behind to pay, like a good woman...well 20 minutes goes by and cmblue still hasn't come out yet..finally she comes out. Come to find out, as soon as I left, the teenage chick yelled at my wife "if you can't keep your kid under control, you shouldn't come to chilis anyway"...well that didn't sit too well, and supposedly the waitress had to keep cmblue from jumping this kid. But the waitress made sure we got our dessert to go. As we were walking to the car cmblue wanted to kick over the chick's motorcycle but I talked her out of it. In the end it was probably muchado about nothing, but that stupid waitress should have kept her nose out of the situation...but she still got a tip.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


License Plate

Saw BIGBUT the other day. The lady driving it didn't look like she would have a big ass, but maybe she did. She was pretty skinny up top, so I wondered if she just ballooned out at the bottom. Maybe she looked like a pyramid or something. In any case I guess BIGBUTT was taken or she could have had that. You get 7 letters. Or maybe she just likes to argue and always brings a big "but" to the argument....kind of like "a huge if I know." I guess we will never know because I am not going to ask her.

Hockey Talk

Colorado and San Jose have the most points, must be the best teams.

NBA Talk

Boston and Phoenix have the best records, they must be the best teams.

Abdul Jabar has leukemia...Shoots up the death pool draft board.

LeBron says winning is more important than money...easy for him to say since he will make tons of money no matter where he goes....Hmmm, get $125M and be on a sucky team or get $120M and be on a winning team?

Other sports news

Some tennis guy wants Agassi to give back his winnings and titles because he did meth. Whatever. Nobody should be shocked or surprised that Agassi did drugs. Hell him and Jeremy Mayfield probably went in 50/50 on a meth lab investment.

Michael Phelps sucks without the new suit. Missed 2 of 3 finals wearing the old suit. I am guessing everyone else was wearing the new suit. In any case those new suits with the motors in them really do make you swim faster. Maybe I will enter the Olympics and just jump in the pool with a speed boat. I'll just say, "what? it's my suit."

ElTardo Saturday posts are dumb. Never read them since they are posted on Saturday.

Someone won the WSOP. I know who, but I won't tell. I'll give you a hint though, it wasn't me.

Money fantasy team is 8-1 now. Looking vulnerable though after starting 7-0. Steve Slaton's fumblitis really hurts.

Tem movie review

The Blind Side

I can not believe how fast Hollywood makes movies after something in real life happens. I swear, the event this stuff is based on happened like last year, but they fired off the movie real quick like. Even got Sandra Bullock to star in it. She has been in lots of movies lately. I guess she better get it while the getting is good because it'll go downhill fast. Even Michelle Pfeifer's career fell off after 50 or whatever. I mean damn, it wasn't that long ago that Michelle was humping ladders and singing songs, now she is in like 1 movie a year.

Anyway, as we all know this movie is about that writer from SI, Dr. Z. He had a stroke and apparently when this happens one side of your body just is all kinds of fucked up. So this movie is about his Blind Side. I guess Sandra Bullock plays his wife, not sure why they picked a hot chick to be a sportswriters wife, but hey I guess ElTardo's wife isn't bad to look at. So Dr. Z has a stroke, can't see out of one side. So at first SB just sits on the good side, but then she realizes that her husband kind of sucks and can't do things right so she begins to hang out with his brother Dr. Y. Dr. Y is played by Omar Epps, who you might remember as the current coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

So Sandra and Dr. Y hang out and start getting it on. To make sure that Dr. Z never figures it out they always knock boots on his blind side. Of course he finally catches on and when he does he strokes out again and dies.

The End.

3 telmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Monday post

Family guy sucks.

Phantom of the Opera does not suck. I went with cmk, hsilok, & milok and saw Phantom on Sunday afternoon. First time I'd erve* seen it. The only other show I'd every seen in a theater before was Stomp. I was pretty impressed with Phantom. I had reservations when I got the tickets a few months ago, but walked out of there happy that we saw it. I'd go see it again. I might even go see another show. I heard Jesus Chris* Superstar was pretty good and that's coming here in March, so we might go see that.

Big fooyball* weekend again. Iower finally lost a game they should have lost. IN YOU FACE, WEAZY!! tOSU stepped up in Happy Valley. UM stepped down in Ann Arbor. Alabamer lookt impressive against LSU. Cincy almost lost, & Boise didn't look too impressive. 6 unbeaten teams left, I think at least 1 will lose each weekend over the next few weeks. And if you didn't see it, Jahvid Best went airborne and landed on his head.

I didn't see any NFL on Sunday, so I'm just going off of what the scoreboard says. Bengals go 4-0 in the division, Chargers nipped the GGGGGGG-men, Cards walk all over da Bears, and Tampa used their throwbacks to confuse the Packers, Colts & Saints bolth* stay unbeaten. I'm still more interested in college ball right now, and the main interest I have in NFL at this point is strictly for FNFL purposes. That will change in December after the college regular season.

LP, your name/pic for today will be Ohio is > than NY

I'm eating a thin mint blizzard right now and it's awsome*.

The wedding we went to on Saturday night was alright. It was on a ranch just outside of town, and the ceremony was in a horse corral. Nice ceremony, nice reception, lots of dyke-y rugby chicks there. Like, dozens of them. One of them was dressed up in gray men's slacks, an argyle sweater, and a tie. She probably had a penis, too. But during the bouquet toss, me & cmk were standing over by the dessert table and looked over in time to see the toss. Sure enough, argyle "chick" coat* the bouquet and started playing air guitar with it. Some dude and his wife were standing next to us at the table and the dude says "Why is that guy holding the bouquet?" I kind of look at cmk and she starts laughing and walks away. I turn around and the guy's wife is ::flank steaking:: at him and he says "No, seriously. Some dude just jumped in and coat* the bouquet". He wife punches him and tells him to shut up, that it was a girl and that he needs to shut the fuck up because he said that really loud. That was probably the highlight of the night.

That is all. Go comment. Or don't. I don't care. OK that's a lie, I do care.

Friday, November 06, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Time to make mo money, mo money, mo money.

Overall : 21-25-2
Last Week : 4-2
Situation : $1000

College Plays ($100 each)

INDIANA +11 over Sconnies
WVU -21 over Louisville
Uconn +17 over CINCY
MICHIGAN -6 over Purdue


JVILLE -7 over Chiefs ($250)
M - J - D

Miami +11 over NEW ENGLAND ($150)
Miami is like the best losing team in the league. Eleven points for a team that is like 2nd in TOP is redonk as Mills would say. And taking a cue from Simmons, Sparano looks like he owns a deli in Bensonhurst.

Arizona +3 over CHICAGO
Gonna try the Cards on the road, they have been surprising as of late on the road and it may be a trend.

Houston +9 over INDY
Don't these two teams always have close games?

Just walked in, took me like 20 minutes to navigate through all the yankee convicts that have already lined up Broadway. It's like 20 people deep already, expect like 3 million people which is like 1% of the total population. I hope spiff is there to see the animals.

Dez Bryant to enter draft, despite not playing because the NCAA = Germany during Nazi occupation, he'll still be a #1. He's talented as they say.

Lincecum smokes weed? No way. Never saw that coming.

NOW. That's a womanz group apparentely. Like PETA. Both are filled with crazy people. NOW is the craziest of them all though, because what's crazy than alot of womanz talking together about men. Nothing.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Goddamn Yankees... # 27

Disclaimer: The following post may contain strong language, aggression, whining, moaning, groaning and general Yankee hatred. Viewer discretion is advised.

Goddamn, fucking, shitbum Yankee cocksuckers. And you know what? Phuck Philly too. Chase Utley was apparently the only guy who remembered to bring his bat to the Word Series. Get ready for a winter full of hearing from the Yankees fans about the greatness. And hear them try to convince you that they never really hated Girardi. Or that A-Roid is the greatest clutch player ever! UGH, it is gonna be a long winter. thank god we have football.

Last World Series note. Hideki Matsui became the first Japanese player to win World Series MVP. Expect this to get some run. He was also the first full time DH to win the award.

Cameron Diaz is on Fallon right now. She seems like a nice person. though I'm sure she is probably a mega-bitch. Phenomenally hot women usually are. She seems to have enjoyed her time filming in the boston area, so that's cool. "The Box" seems like it could be a good movie.

I admit that I don't know a whole lot about the intricacies of basketball. However, I'm pretty sure that the Celtics starting 6-0 is pretty good. It seems like tonight's game was the only close one too. and I'm also quite sure that in the long run it means absolutely nothing. Just figured it was worth mentioning.

Roy Williams is unhappy and feels like he and Tony Romo aren't on the same page. Gee, what a revelation. Maybe because you are not a very good WR there Roy. Just a thought. then again, Romo isn't a very good QB. So in short, the Cowboys suck.

Speaking of the NFC, I'm wondering if the Saints will continue to play as well as they have, or if they will come back to the pack as they usually do. as the weather gets colder, let's see how that offense holds up.

Nothing has made me happier in recent weeks than the Giant's losing streak. I'm just saying. Notice EP hasn't said much about the GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-men.

OK, that's it. Comment. Tell me how much I suck. Great post, Freak.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino