Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thundercats, HO!

Cubs rule, Brewers drool.

Steve Phillips is an idiot. Keeps saying that Manny Ramirez will start trying now so he can get a big contract after the season. Manny doesn't try ever, for any reason.

X games start today. Dude who fell last year is back to try to finish off his life.



What ever happened to street luging? That was my favorite summer xgames event. People lying on their back hurtling towards death? What could be more fun?

Non-waiver trade deadline today. Hopefully it's more than just talk this year. I want a flurry of activity.

Both Kyle Farnsworth and Joe Girardi started crying when they heard Farnsworth was traded. I think they were gay together.

This is a pretty poor effort, but it's only a reflection of the comments.

Olympics are soon or something. Love it or leave it.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Message in a bottle.

Dear BrewCrew,

Relax. It'll hurt alot less.

Lovingly (but firmly),

The Cubbies.
-----


Beth,

Don't slit your wrists. Tuhshareuh just wasn't meant to be.

Signed,
LOV
-----


Yao,

Sup n*gga. U rap? I do. I do beats too.

I'll pick u up outside Toyota. When u here gunshotz comin from a Range Rova, dats me.

Holla,
Ron-Ron.

PS. U can bring a translator, just make sure he aint no snitch.
-----


Dear Brett Fahvray,

Fuckin die.

Sincerely,

Everyone who isn't taking this as an opportunity to prolong their career for another 15 minutes.
-----


Dear Tim,

I fucked you. I fucked them.

I win.

Davy.

PS. And oh, you might get fucked again. Next time don't get caught.)
-----


Dear Olympics,

Please start as soon as possible and continue for as long as possible.

Love,

Me.
-----



This concludes your Wednesday post.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Ride That Pony

I said it last week and I'll say it again, please go away Brett Favre, just go away. Why don't you take a cue from Josh Childress and go to Europe or Canada or somewhere else. Or just play here but keep your mouth shut.

FYI, the MMA thing on CBS did not get too great of ratings. I am sure all involved were disappointed. The fights themselves were entertaining. Also I must I learnt something new. Gus Johnson is black. I had no idea. None at all. It was news to me.

From some idiot on WWL "To get a superstar of Teixeira's magnitude, you have to give up something in return. ." Umm no shit Sherlock. God Damn are people dumb.

I'm taking 10 for the Prii count today.

I am flying to Auburn here shortly, so I won't be on during the day. I'll probably be on tonight though as I imagine Auburn is boring and there will be nothing to do at night. Of course I could go watch a movie or something. I'll just play it by ear.

OK, I am tired and running late so here's a movie review:

Swing Vote

This movie comes out in a couple weeks and I was lucky enough to have not seen an advanced screening. They didn't have one in my area, so that was nice. I like it when Hollywood up and does nice things like that for me. Anyway, this ones got Kevin Costner in it. In the movie he and his wife (we'll say played by Kate Walsh because I want to wreck her) have fallen on hard times and want to add a little excitement to their life. So first they get a Wii, but that just doesn't cut it. After that they start talking about swinging. They can't really decided if they want to go swinging or not, so they put it to a vote. They go out and ask all of their friends and relatives and even their pastor if they think that Kevin and his wife should swing. I'm not sure but I think this is where they get the title of the movie from. Anyway as usual with movies I don't watch hilarity ensues. They ask Kevin's mom and she is all about it. In fact she nearly steals the show, also I should note that she is played by Estelle Getty or whatever that lady is that died. I'm hearing she might get a posthumous Oscar nod for this one. It will finally vindicate her for her snub from Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!

Where was I? Oh yeah, so Kevin and Kate ask all their friends to vote on whether or not they should swing, hilarity ensues and then the movie ends with you finding out how the vote went. I'm not gonna ruin the ending for you, but I'll tell you that it sets up a sequel just fine.

Anyway this one gets 4 helmet stickers out of 5 because I actually think it is a great idea for a real movie.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Thanks for showing up.

I get shut out by EP in April, and I get all sorts of shit for it. Yet, I hang a 12-niller on Tyler, and not a peep. I see how it is.

The Brew Crew is 1 game back of the Cubs for 1st in the NL Central. You may or may not have heard about this. 4 game series starts on Monday.

I need to figure a good way to move my fish. So far I got 2 5 gallon buckets with translucent lids. I thing I need a super cheap bucket or two to wash the new rocks in.

This place is starting to look like we're moving out. Jack shit on the walls, spots the need to be removed. Once we get the rest of the little shit out of here, it'll be smooth sailing for the movers to get the big shit.

I think the Tour de France is over now. congrats to the "winner".

I want to watch The Life Aquatic: With Steve Zissou soon. I enjoy that film.

Did Tem go to the Arena Bowl?

I'm hung up right now. Time for a break.



I'm pretty hammered right now.

Rev.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Jogging (Soft J)

Remember when yous were a kid. And after breakfast you'd go outside and play shit all day. Come home like around dinner time, eat with the fam, shower then go back outside for a little hanging out on the stoop? Them were the days man.

Spongeball, Stickball, Wiffle, Football, Basketball, Softball, Kickball, Handball, Racquetball.

You rang bells. You played ball.

At night, ya hung out on the corner, the schoolyard, outside the Arab's or someones stoop. Maybe you played some manhunt or maybe you walked the hood. Polliticking.

Now we got kids that stay inside all day, learning to play yazz flute or mastering the newest PC Game out on the market. Studying and shit. WFT?

Fuck books. They are a goddam choking hazard anyway. Fucking Poetry makes me sick. Stanzas? The only Stanzas I know come from Nissan. If I ever get blessed to having a son and he comes home with some fucking poetry shit I'm gonna kick the ever-loving shit out of him. Poetry leads to homosexuality. It's a proven fact.

And Gyms. And Jogging. I tried both. The reason why I don't do either is because they both suck. I hate them. Weightlifting is for atha-leets. Jogging is just so fucking boring it's unbelievable how popular it actually is. And I was on the track team in high school so I know. I get my excercise from playing basketball and football. How much weight you can lift does not add any inches to your pecker. I hope everyone is aware of that. Also gyms have diseases in them. You know that I know that that's a fact.

Anyway onto the picks:

Razorbacks -4 over the Cocks. Just a gut feeling.
Penn State - 7 over Sconnie. Joe Pa peed blood this morning. You know his ass is ready for this one.

Jags over Dolphins, lay the 9 points. Fins are scurred.
Eagles over Browns, Philly giving 2. They are underated.
Chargers over Cheifs, laying a dozen. All night long like Lionel baby.

What?

I'm practicing.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Gently caress my inner thigh. (Por favor?)

You know you want to. and now you know i want you to. so just go ahead and do it. come on baby. i no longer have that "thing" that left my legs all pasty and flaky. seriously, i just washed and it's gone. so get in while the gettin's good.

Speaking of skin diseases... whatever happened to leprosy. seems like every n*gga on the block had it back in Bible times. nowadays, notsomuch. i'm not sure how i feel about that. everybody's fighting for animals not to become extinct.. i think we need to make sure that skin-altering diseases and their cousins are gonna still be here 100 years from now. our kids gotta suffer the same way our forefathers suffered, otherwise, how are they supposed to learn anything? sure, we can pass on the easy stuff like making sure to rub lemon juice on their balls when they shave and it starts burning in the shower. orange juice = no. lemon juice = yes. but there are certain things that they need to discover for themselves. like the humility they will acquire once they have a disfiguring disease. then and only then will they be able to watch MASK and have empathy, not just sympathy.

Totally necessary to cue a picture of stocking-clad Cher now. serve it! dont worry about clicking it. only you and your IT guy will know. and shit, he's looking at it too. but in kind of a weird way. but nevermind that. bottom line is that he aint gonna tell on you. and neither am i. trust tree, bitches.

So something that i've noticed, sports-related, is that the Mets are in first or are tied for first or something. the only reason i mention it is because there was a bet in the works re: this topic. i think they had to be there by the all-star break though. although i think there was another one which included Pedro and his jheri (pronounced Yare-ee) curl. i'm not sure, but i think i heard he got kidnapped back to Cuba (KOO-bah) some time back. unfortunate ya know. haters abound.

I am 2/3 of through the Godfa-zha (The Godfather) series. havent watched em in a bit, so i figured no better time than now. numero 3 is expected to jump off either tonight or tomorrow. some people say 2 is the best of the bunch, but i think it was a little uneven compared to numero 1. i think the story ends up skipping around too much for it's own good. but i definitely like the story. i like that how it opens up and fills in some cracks and even creates new ones. speaking of people that will beat their mothers/women... Michael Corleone loves whoopin some wife ass, that's fo sho. dont step, bitch. unless yer ready to get stepped on!

But i gotta be honest, i get sick of reading subtitles and hearing the gweeds speak Italian for most of the movie. my eyes are hurting from staring at too many computer screens in my short little life. i think i'm gonna need glasses in a few years. that's gonna suck some major ass. if anyone knows how to get Windows XP to boot from a recovery CD when it wont load your desktop, holler at your boy. i dont even think my POS laptop will give me Safe Mode options anymore. i wanna f*ckin stab someone in the face (in the nice way). then my Mac went down too. i started running the bath water, but i calmed myself down and got talked off the ledge. all i needed to hear was "Batman!". cause i still havent seen it yet and i can't pull a Ledger. i gotta see this flick before i become El Finito. (really, one of the worsts part about all that is that he wont be able to reprise the role.)

but whatevs. speaking of sports again.. one other thing i've run across in my limited interaction with the sporting community as of late.. is that the Brewers are supposedly doing really well. congrats to all these teams that are doing good. i know the Tigs still blow donkey balls, so at least somebody is having a good year. since they're running that free MLB package right now, i tried to check out my Tigs.. and i got a damn rain delay. me and my team are not doing so hot. so congrats deekie, now go take off your shirt and rub some warm butter on your nipples. mmm. that's right, LOV. i made you do it. now you have a pasty white Wisconsin-ite rubbing butter on his naked body on your mind. bask.

and purge.

i really liked the movie Jumper, i dont care what anyone says. i would love to see a sequel too. the only bad thing was Sam J's hair. wft.

last thing, not sure if i mentioned it before... but a few months ago i was at some old pub'y bar and some friends said "oh we gotta get the honey-jager again". being the alcoholic-in-training that i am, and it being jager related, i of course hit it up. basically, liquortastic honey is what the stuff is. it's called BarenJager. sad part was that i never found it in a store to buy. until now. this liqour shop that is right nearby carries it. heaven. ive been putting it in everything. dr pepper, protein shakes (yeah i know), cereal. also.. Brandy and Dr Pepper is quality. tastes like caramel. plus, mine came in a gold little baggie, ala Crown Royal. cant beat that. tasty likka and a carrying pouch. what more do you want?

we're through here.

i hate you more each day than the last. piece.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Pantless Octopuss

Given the rate of divorce these days how long will it be until marriage licenses have to be renewed? Just like drivers licenses or hunting licenses. I can totally see a marriage license being good for 10 years or something like that and then having to be renewed. That way you didn't get divorced you just didn't renew. And it could bring whole new things to the table. You'd hear people say "my wife's gonna test the free agent market, but I'm pretty sure she'll take less to stay here." and "in 2 more years that bitch comes off my books!" I don't know about you guys, but I am super excited for the marriage license renewal era.

And now a first ever on LOV, well maybe. LOV Sportsoscopes:

Aries: Glorious aspects and planetary transits shift the emphasis from the team to the individual making this a great day for piling up stats. Whether you’re a softball player or some other sports player you should have a career day today. Whether or not this day builds momentum for the rest of the season is up to you. Also, your favorite team is going to lose a close one today, don't bother watching the game.

Taurus: Unlike Aries the planetary emphasis shifts to the team, which for an earth-sign is good. Earth signs love teamwork. Those on teams should find that a 0-1 day with 2 sacs and a walk is a nice day indeed. Whatever your sport, team communications will improve! Also, your keyboard is going to break today, sorry.

Gemini: Today’s planetary changes bring excellent teamwork skills; it won’t be difficult to convince your team to let you be the star today or to rally the troops around your cause. You might want to invest in a new bat for softball, but the planets suggest that hitting the batting cage is probably a better way to improve. Also, stay away from red ink today.

Cancer: It’s looking like a glorious day, thanks to the shifting planets, which usher in more daring game play. Expect to make plays that you only dreamed of today. You may even feel that a proverbial weight has been lifted, or that something you regarded as daunting suddenly looks a lot easier. This confidence boost favors getting laid after the game as well. However, all of this will have an adverse effect on cash-matters! Also, feel free to have sex with an old flame today.

Leo: It's time for a hitting slump, this will be a frustrating experience, but the day will offer plenty of welcome distractions, expect to see some boobs today. Fun is definitely on the agenda this evening. First, though, you will have to resolve some leftover feelings from last night's game. Once this is done you will be left with a sigh of relief! Also, for some reason black people will not like you today. Also, alt-tab now because your boss is coming by.

Virgo: Some people say that opposites attract. This might hold some truth when a haphazard teammate shows up. Remember though, the game is less about your stats and more about what's good for the team. Some Virgos will thrive with the new teammates, but others will struggle. Be open minded and you will thrive. Also, don't take out your failures on your children.

Libra: Lately there have been many intense practice sessions. Fear not because these practices are finally going to pay off. Today’s planetary influences and shifts should make it so that what you have been practicing on surfaces at the ball park. This will leave more time for socializing. Go hit a bar and try to pick up some chick you think is out of your league. Maybe today is your lucky day. Also, don't pretend you are smarter than you really are today.

Scorpio: Today’s planetary transits shift the focus from water sports to sports based in fire. This is troublesome for you because not many sports are based in fire. This means that you are going to have to wait a little longer to see the results you were looking for. That is unless you were looking for fire based results. You may be in a ‘I-want-it-now’ mood, that's too bad because good things come to those who wait! Remember patience is a virtue, not a vice....patience is also a stripper. Also, strippers love fives.

Sagittarius: While all the preceding signs have great things to look forward too, you have nothing to look forward to, today is just a false start for you! Any good news should be received with skepticism as it is highly unlikely today will be good. Try to be cautious as this approach may be better than an impulsive one. If you can wait it out for a couple days things will turn around and you will be back on your feet. Also, keep things out of your mouth today.

Capricorn: Change is in the air, so if you were doing good, then expect a bad day, and vice versa. Today will be a good day to clean out the closet so to speak. If you are having an issue with a teammate now is the time to talk to them. The planets today make it much easier to reach a mutual understanding! Also, other people will want you to take your pants off today.

Aquarius: Let's hope you play on a co-ed team because romance is likely to go beyond smoldering today (or hope you are gay). Passions are reignited and hot dates should sizzle with potential. The only problem with this is how will it affect the team? What you and your teammate do might not be a problem at all, what will be a problem is how your other teammates react to the new found relationship. Also, you will be attracted to an animal today.

Pisces: You’re known to be one of the worst athletes of the Zodiac, so today’s planetary changes, which could give you false hope should be largely ignored. Remember you are probably terrible at sports and the planets can't change that. You’ll be ready to take control, but don't. If you do improve today then at practice is where you will most likely area to see your dramatic transformation! Also, try to stay away from carrots today.


OK, I'm spent.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Well, its been another weekend.

Thankfully for me, the Breers like to trade on Sundays. Gives me some extra content, as small as it may be.

The Crew traded a run of the mill minor league pitcher and a run of the mill OF(?) for Ray Durham. I like the move. Durham will at the very least put pressure on Dick Weeks, provide a platoon mate, or maybe even take over his spot.

Padraig Harrington won his 2nd straight Open Championship. Its my favorite golf tournament. I like the guy. He's a good fucking player. Again, congratulations to the Champion Golfer for the year 2008.

I have no pictures today. I don't know where gf put the camera, and I don't want to bother her with it, either.

---------------------------------------

Fuck Brett Favre.

Deanna Favre can rot, too.

---------------------------------------

Fucking Avril Lavigne is the all time most watched youtube video. Seriously?

Just to piss Keith off. Its actually done relatively well.


--------------------------------------------

This broadcast of Ocean's 11 looks severely digitized to me. Awful.

I'm a wreck.

Fuck it. I'm done. I need a gimmick.

Friday, July 18, 2008

I'm gonna get you high today

Blanton to the A's. Mets must counter with a corner outfield spot. The rotation is fine. A'sare a lock to win the 2015 World Series now.

Pavlik to fight Hopkins Deke.

That one stung the nostrils Keef. Ya done got porked.

Nice rally on Wall Street, hopefully it continues. Gas should be a smidge lower by next week guys. Hang in there.

The Reds pitching coach’s name is Dick Pole.

If anyone is interested in betting on CFL games I got a great tip guy for that.

A nice shit before bed is outstanding.

Cape Fear still scares me a bit.

Did I see a Scoop Jackson Golf article?

And a Stephen A. Smiff Olympic article?

WFT?

SI, I think, is still relavent. Agree or disagree?

I'm late. Soap is a dirty whore.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

MLB Predictions.

AL East Champs: Red Sawks

AL Central Champs: White Sox

AL West Champs: Angels

AL Wild Card: Twinkies

--------------------------

NL East Champs: Metropolitans

NL Central Champs: Cubs (sadly)

NL West Champs: D-Backs (only because of pitching)

NL Wild Card: Brew Crew

---------------------------

Bodog has the Cubs as the NL favorite & the Brewers as the runner up.

I don't care about the AL, like many here. Gotta worry about your own division/league first

-------------------------

The McDick's challenge is no joke. I don't know how a little fella like spiff can do it.

this is my favorite mash up

----------------------------

If you haven't seen it, here's the Round Mound's honest to god golf swing:





I've got nothing else. I forgot about having to do this until the young buck reminded me a few minutes ago.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tuesdays Post

So I am writing this post a few days ahead of time. I am not really sure I can make it current unless I go into Shamfordeque levels of wrongness. I'd do that, but I am afraid that will lead me down a path that ends with an ugly suga momma wife and a retarded looking kid. Actually I am not sure if the shamford writing leads to ugly wife and kid or if the ugly wife and kid lead to shamford writing. Either way I am afraid to find out. In a somewhat related note, congrats to Sparty and Friends for finally removing all association with Shamford. Good work

And now, back by popular demand. Brutus And Timmy!


Brutus: Damn Timmy it's been a long time since we've been together like this.



Timmy: I know B, the offseason is long, I missed your musk.



Brutus: Same here and I am so glad that I don't have to play an SEC team this year. Their speed, their power, I can't handle it, never could.



Timmy: But you gotta play USC this year, that's a freakin' powerhouse.



Brutus: Pac 10 is no problem, they got great poon though.



Timmy: You better be scared B, USC has some mad speed and power. I don't think they'd struggle in the SEC. You gotta go there and play a speedy freaking team.



Brutus: They're like the SEC? Power and speed? Holy Shit Timmy I'm scared. Hold me, Timmy.



Timmy: I always do B, I always do.

Monday, July 14, 2008

No sports

The are no American professional sporting events today (Screw you, WNBA).

Out of solidarity I vote there be no post today.

Or I could just talk about the Tour de France and bore everyone but Beth.

Home Run Derby tonight. Be prepared for some "back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back" home run calls. I say Dan Uggla and Grady Sizemore are the finalists. The Ugg wins 7-4 in the final.

Remember last week when I talked about the Rays possibly winning the AL East and keeping bahston and nu yahwk out of the playoffs? Scratch that thought.

Since today's post generally has pictures, I decided to fire up google and find pictures of each person that posts here.

keith


beth


spiff


zeke


meiz


el padrino


tyler


toddpacker


tem


blue


freak


kod


rev


aitch


iam


martin vannostrand


steve


jugdish




That was incredibly stupid. Oh well.

Go away, Favre.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Did anyone die while I was gone?

Gone on a Caribbean island for a week it's time for me to react to some sports news that I missed while I was sunning my massive chest and glorious biceps.

C.C Sabathia is a Brewer.
El Pad's take : Anyone mention that he's only going to get fatter now that he lives in Wisconsin? He'll be 397 by September.

Rich Harden is a Cub.
El Pad's take : Just more practice for the Cub's medical staff.

Elton Brand spurns Clips to sign with the 76ers.
El Pads's take : Clippers run a perfect blueprint on how not to run a sports franchise. Baron Davis has to feel foolish now that he AND Maggette are gone. Boom Fizzle is more like it.

Corey Hart is an all-star over David Wright.
El Pad's tale : Deke how many times did you and your dirty hippie sister vote?

Creamer shoots 60
El Pad's take : TWSSS

Jones faces felony drug charge.
El Pad's take : Matt who? Matt Jonesssssssssssss! Cutting up coke with a credit card just about seals the deal Matty. See ya in the Europe NFL! Enjoy Brussels!

Moises Alou is out for the eternity.
El Pad's take : Shocker.

Other news and notes, Mets won 6 straight and are 1.5 games out of first. Remember the proposed bet keef? Would have been fun seeing if they pulled ahead or not with some name changes on the line. Indians lost 10 straight prior to last night. Drew Carey you suck. Something major happened in Nascar. Ask Zeke or Temnascar or Freak.

My vacation was cross between a threesome with Angelina Jolie and Marissa Miller and the David Tyree catch. In a word it was fucking fantastic. It was 86 and sunny everyday. The food was very good. The people were very accommodating. The liquor and beer flowed like gravy on thanksgiving. The kid loves the beach and water. We sunk a small sailboat. I snorkeled off the coast of one of the most beautiful islands in the world. I'll go in to details on my blog in a day or so. With pics.

Related, airports still suck Llama cock.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Worse Post

Screw the emergency alert system. I get that it's important to warn people about this and that, but seriously, stop jamming my cable signal. Find a less obtrusive way to get my attention.

Very good piece about a prep star that never was.

I hope that the newly transferred OKC team has an online poll to determine their new name. Then the internet can get a hold of it and screw it up. That's what the internet does best.

Wouldn't it be great to see the Rays take the AL East? That would guarantee either neu yahwk or bahston would miss the playoffs. The only thing better would be if both of them missed the playoffs and we didn't have to hear about them ever again. Alas, that is just a pipe dream.

Mark Mulder pitched one third of an inning in his big comeback with the Cards. It's hilarious because it's happening to someone else's team.

A lot of people keep saying Harden is going to be a second-coming of Mark Prior for the Cubs. I just don't see it. Sure, he's gone on the DL, but it's never been bad enough to require surgery. I guess after seeing Prior and Wood go under the knife numerous times each...an injury just doesn't seem serious unless someone has to slice you open. I just hope the "if he's healthy" qualifier can drop soon. I'm already sick of hearing it.

Eric Young says that if Barry Bonds signs with the Mets, they will win the NL East. To paraphrase, Eric's math is such: Media Circus (Barry Bonds) + Media Circus (New York) = Serenity and calm for all the other players. The can relax and play better because even more media attention will be heaped on them. Please someone, explain how this works.



Time until I see Dark Knight.

It wouldn't be a Freak post without a weird video...so here you go:

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

News From Blue

Guest Post again this week. This one is from Blue, enjoy:

Quick Hits

Dick Harden was traded to the Cubs. He's canadian. He gets hurt a lot. I like where this is headed. Despite the fact the fucking Rockies could have had him prior to spring training.

Elton Brand is headed to the Sixers. That is news. Now the Clippers and the Warriors have a ton of money to overpay for shitty players, stay tuned.

Tony Stewart is leaving the Redskins. He said the game has passed Joe Gibbs by. I think Stewart was a left guard, but i'm not sure, it did not list his position.

I came to the realization last night, that I watch too much reality TV, but I wish I could go on that Wipeout show. A chick from Alaska made it across the big balls without falling last night, first person ever. She came in 3rd place in the end.

I watched Carston Sabathia pitch last night. He will help the brewers, and if he doesn't, well they're fucked next year anyway with Sheets and Carston leaving.

George Karl is in the news here, he likes some douche point guard that was on the team last year and will overpay to have him back. He should just call meiz.

Michael Beasley sings at the free throw line. I wonder if its Grease 2 songs, those are the best.

That should be enuff for now. I don't want to ramble on much longer or tem will try and fight me.

This post was brought to you by the headline section of ESPN.com

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Ninja Magic

Tuesday, July 8th. Another boring day no doubt. This year has been full of them. Which is odd because the year has seemingly flew by. In any case, its gonna be another boring day, I can already tell. One way I can tell is that I don't have much to write about. Apparently El Tardo is in the same boat because he hasn't written since his gay Hugh Grant piece.

So let's just get into random temlonely type of stuff. Kangaroo is at it again. These past few days she has been nothing but nice to me after months of being a total bitch. Such a bitch that I went and named her Kangaroo. I figure this means she wants something from me. I hope its not money. I ain't giving her money. I'd probably still give her REoTF but that's about the only gift I'd give her. And yes, it is funny that I just referred to REoTF as a "gift." The worse (sic) part is that she is starting to lose her pouch and now is getting to look hot again. In any case my suspicion meter is pegged at full. She's totally under double secret probation.

In other temlonely type stuff one of tem's lunch places hired a new waitress last week. I haven't stopped in though since they hired her. I might stop by today. And to answer the question, the reason I know they hired someone is because the old waitress there told me when her last day was and told me when new girl started. Apparently she thought this was information I had to know. Old waitress got an internship with a graphics design company and she is hoping to use that to get a real job (her words not mine). Anyway, she thought she should be doing more with her 4 year degree. I totally agreed. I thought she should be putting my order in and getting my diet coke. That's what I thought. Of course I was nothing but nice and listened to her story as if I gave a rat's ass. All that time with efmtem made my game rusty as hell, but I am all world when it comes to faking paying attention.

Let's just get to the movie review. I don't think anything happened in sports. At least not anything real important. Oh wait. Screw you Brett Favre. Quit or don't. Make up your mind.

The Dark Knight

This movie is a sequel to that movie where Martin Lawrence gets sent back in time and becomes a knight. See he is black, so he is the Dark Knight. The last movie ended with him saving the day from a dragon or some shit. So this one starts with him needing to save the day from another dragon or some shit. Let's just say it is a fire breathing unicorn. You don't hear much about them, so they must be badass. So this fire breathing unicorn takes this white chick hostage. The white chick is totally hot and clearly has the jungle fever so ML is all about saving her. He definitely wants to get to her before her fever breaks. He assumes he can just kick the fire breathing unicorn's ass. Much hilarity ensues as he blunders rescue attempt after rescue attempt. Finally the fire breathing unicorn dies of old age and Martin and his girl get busy. The End. The best part about this movie is that ML only plays one part because other than Morgan Freeman there were no black people in England at this time. And Morgan was too busy hanging out with Kevin Costner.

1 helmet sticker out of 5.

Monday, July 07, 2008

C! CC Rider!

We'll get the bullshit out of the way first.



Gfdeke's stepdad died today. I haven't talked to her about any of the details yet, because she's a wreck right now. I'd bet it was a massive heart attack, with him being diabetic and all. She got the phone call when we were on the way home from the ballgame today.

Rest In Peace, Thomas Cirillo.







CC Sabathia is reportedly a Brewer now. YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH BOYYYYY! Although I don't like the fact that the Crew had to deal Prince's replacement. If the Brew doesn't sign CC this offseason they'll likely have five of the top 35 picks in the next draft.


HERE'S ZEKE'S LINK BEFORE THE PICS


No captions today.


















Thursday, July 03, 2008

Et tu, Bilas?

Yeah, so I just watched Mighty Ducks 3. Classic hilarity. It was enjoyable.

Michael Barrett fouled a ball off his face and broke his nose. Sucka.

What the hell is wrong with Carlos Marmol? His ERA has gone from 2.09 to 3.56 in 6 appearances. Marmol being mortal really puts a dent in the Cubs playoff hopes. Baseball is unjust sometimes. Marmol gave up a 3-run homer to tie the game and ends up getting the win.

The whole Sonics thing is just sad. I see Bennett's side of it, he wants a team in his hometown. Civic pride and whatnot. But it's just ludicrous that he was allowed to hijack a franchise, with Stern's seal of approval, no less. It's great that Seattle is fighting this so hard...Stern deserves the negative publicity. TrueHoop had a good take on it.

I just read somewhere that Bennett is going to make copies of the Sonics championship banners and take them to OKC. Minor WTH. What's the purpose? The records are being vacated, why would he take the banners and claim them as his own?

Oh Sportscenter, what are you doing to yourself? Freeze Frame? Really? Don't show comments from people on the internet. The people that roam the ESPN comment pages are we todd did.

Why in the world does McDonald's try to be so hip? It's just some god damn sandwiches, get over yourself. They try so hard to be so cool. You're a fast food company, stop trying to sell yourself as a lifestyle. Stay off of my TV, Ronald McDonald, or I'll chokeslam you.

The US slipped to 30th in the FIFA rankings. I spit on the FIFA rankings. They shouldn't be penalized for not being able to play in the Euro.

Die already, Favre.

A really sweet Dark Knight poster:


I'm not sure how many times I've said that I'm pumped for this movie, but damn, I am pumped. Midnight showing, in IMAX. Ah. May. Zing. Fun fact: Dark Knight was shot exclusively in Chicago.

Almost forgot...video of the week. If you remember back to the last two drafts, there was a video of a guy heckling Stephen A Smith during the ESPN coverage. Well, he did it again this year. Featuring Kenny Smith, Kevin Love, and of course, Lil' Screamin A. In case you missed the other ones, here's the 2006 and 2007 versions.



Talk amongst yourselves.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino