Monday, December 08, 2008

Texas got hosed

Man, what a weekend. I think I was home for a total of about 3 hours until now. I saw very little college fooyball yesterday, and saw 0 minutes of pro fooyball today. But I did drink a lot of goddman booze yesterday and spent a lot of goddman money at Costco today. I have a funny story about the weekend that I’ll get to in a minute. In the meantime, here is some random shit.

Congrats to TP on his boys making it to the title game. And it’s almost in his hometown. I’m guessing he already has his game tickets. Just like I said for the SEC title game, I think FU wins going away. OU’s defense is not good. And Bob Stoops is involved. FU wins 45-17. And Tebow enters the draft and is never heard from again.

WWL headline: Sources: Browns have Schottenheimer on radar. That is some hilarity shit.

Don’t forget the Y! college bowl pick ‘em that was set up a few weeks ago. Group id is 7099 and the pathword is poon. Winner gets nothing but a sweet trophy added to their Y! fantasy profile.

Hancock was an alright movie. I wasn’t expecting much from it, but it kept my interest throughout. 3.5 out of 5 helmet stickers. In case you didn’t know, Dark Knight comes out on DVD on Tuesday. Go out and buy it. Do it!!

OK, funny story time. Went down to Tucson this weekend for the ASU/UofA game. Fsil(the hot one) turnt 21 this week, so we went down and went to a bar to watch the game and get wrecked. The fsil (the crazy one) tends to sometimes get out of control when she goes out. And by out of control, I mean fucking retarded and needs carried around. So Saturday night was no different. We leave the bar about 9:00 and catch a cab back to the house, where she passes out on the couch. After a couple hours, she gets up and walks into the kitchen area where the other fsil is standing. She walks over and unbuttons her pants and pulls them down to her knees while we’re all sitting there wondering wft she’s doing. She reaches over and grabs the oven door handle and opens the oven. Then she starts to squat down like she’s going to piss all over it and her sister runs over and grabs her and basically carries her into the bathroom. And she doesn’t remember 1 minute of it. I was hammered at that point after about 10 hours of drinking, but it was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. And I saw some bare ass. So there you go.

I’ve wasted enough of my time and your time with this. If you’ve lasted this long with the post, I’m sorry. If you didn’t read it, your a goddman retard.

Have at it!

407 comments:

1 – 200 of 407   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Wow, up until today's post I didn't realize that there were TWO fsil's.

ns

El Padrino said...

awesome story

i have a similar one about one of my cousins but it isnt as awesome as that one.

El Padrino said...

that sound you hear is heads rolling here at DB

El Padrino said...

i think beth has black underwear on today, just a hunch

El Padrino said...

"Just like I said for the SEC title game, I think FU wins going away."

not to nitpick but they didn't win going away, it was a very competitive game with the outcome decided with about 5 minutes or so in the 4th

El Padrino said...

keef had a good weekend

Beth said...

"i think beth has black underwear on today, just a hunch"

Damn, you're good EP. (ns)

And to be specific, it's a thong. ;-)

Beth said...

And EP, based on how confident you were in your Friday betting column I changed my ACC pick from VT to BC in the LOV pool. Thanks for that advice.

(Although I'd have still come in 2nd to Keith.)

El Padrino said...

"Thanks for that advice."

sorry bout that, my betting performance in college last week was poor

El Padrino said...

"Damn, you're good EP. (ns)"

YES!

tem said...

how many fs ils of mr as. are there?

tem said...

"sorry bout that, my betting performance in college last week was poor"

i made my cent sports bets el pad bets.

i went from over $3 to about 40 cents.

thanks.

tem said...

also i think cent sports just randomly ignores some of your bets.

it hasn't paid out the pacquiano (sp?) bet and i swear it just up and ignored half of my bets.

stupid free website.

El Padrino said...

again, my apologies

El Padrino said...

although the bama game was a push

tem said...

i got 10.5, not 11.

it was a loss.


damn el pad made me lose all sorts of fake money.

blue said...

fuck you ball state


that's what you get for being pussies

blue said...

stupid broncos

blue said...

doesn't keith have tickets to the fiesta bowl every year?

well look at that, he can go watch tOSU get smoked

blue said...

a 2 loss team from a shitty conference in the BCS as an at large is a joke.

El Padrino said...

ball state i mean there is shitting the bed and then there is explosive diarhea in the bed

they did the latter

El Padrino said...

and vs Buffalo!?

a team that has been a DIV ! team since only 1999

for shame

blue said...

i'm sure whitlock will spin this one

tem said...

"doesn't keith have tickets to the fiesta bowl every year? "

he cancelled them this year.

or didn't renew them, or whatever.

tem said...

"a 2 loss team from a shitty conference in the BCS as an at large is a joke."

but it is tOSU and they will sell the tickets.

Keith S said...

"not to nitpick but they didn't win going away, it was a very competitive game with the outcome decided with about 5 minutes or so in the 4th"

They were down by 3 entering the 4th quarter, and scored 14 pts to win going away

Keith S said...

"how many fs ils of mr as. are there?"

Two. One is older than fmk and she is crazy. One is in college and is hot

blue said...

if ever there was a time for a cellphone pic, that was it.

Keith S said...

"doesn't keith have tickets to the fiesta bowl every year?"

I canceled them earlier this year.

ns

Keith S said...

"a 2 loss team from a shitty conference in the BCS as an at large is a joke."

Maybe, but their 2 losses were to the #s 5 & 8 teams.

Keith S said...

"he cancelled them this year."

tem is smrt

Keith S said...

"if ever there was a time for a cellphone pic, that was it."

I was too drunk to think that quickly. And fmk probably would have said something

tem said...

it was the old ass though, right?

Keith S said...

Another story from the weekend. In the afternoon we went over to some house on campus where fsil's friends live. I was playing beer pong with fsil & her roommates and I had my camera in my back pockets. I bent over to pick up the ball at one point and my pants ripped from the pocket all the way down to my knee. Then fsil grabbed it and ripped it across from the middle of my pants all the way to the side. So I was walking around the rest of the day with basically nothing covering the back left side. Good thing I passed on wearing the thong that day.

tem said...

cellphone pic the hot one.

Keith S said...

"it was the old ass though, right?"

Yes. Old crazy bare ass

tem said...

"I bent over to pick up the ball at one point and my pants ripped from the pocket all the way down to my knee."

fat as.

Keith S said...

"cellphone pic the hot one."

She has a bunch of pics from the weekend. I'll have her send them to me and I'll post one on my blog this week

El Padrino said...

pics
pics
pics
pics
pics

Keith S said...

"fat as."

Pants were loose. It was the camera in my back pocket. It's an older camera so it's a little bigger.

Keith S said...

EP
When is Nate Robinson going to stop being a pussy?

Keith S said...

Jesus, mize's Y! FFB team blew up this week.

blue said...

"Maybe, but their 2 losses were to the #s 5 & 8 teams."

and who'd they beat?

El Padrino said...

"EP
When is Nate Robinson going to stop being a pussy?"

hard running around like a nut with a bad groin

two more games i would say

blue said...

i take it back, they did beat michigan state and nwestern.

and Iowa

Keith S said...

"and who'd they beat?"

Your mom

blue said...

oh, they didn't even play Iowa

Keith S said...

I don't think they're the most deserving team. But they didn't lose to any bad teams and they'll bring millions of people for the game.

blue said...

it's true, i'm just bitching to bitch

Keith S said...

"oh, they didn't even play Iowa"

Yeah, Iower should have gone undefeated because they didn't play tOSU or UM

Keith S said...

"hard running around like a nut with a bad groin

two more games i would say"


I'll sell low right now

tem said...

"they'll bring millions of people for the game.
"

they won't bring millions.

El Padrino said...

sooner pooners, 177 pics how hot are the oklahoma women

Keith S said...

"they won't bring millions."

Maybe not from C-bus

El Padrino said...

"I'll sell low right now"

jose barea barea for nate

El Padrino said...

seal taps this

Keith S said...

"jose barea barea for nate"

Not that low

tem said...

"Maybe not from C-bus"

from anywhere.

millions will not travel for the game.

Keith S said...

tem does not get hyperbole. The "tem is smrt" comment is stricken from the record

Keith S said...

WWL headline: "Reports: Tigers land catcher Laird from Rangers"

Who?

Keith S said...

Softball sucked last night. Playoff game and we only had 9 guys. We led 10-1 after the first inning and lost 27-14.

El Padrino said...

keef i proposed

Keith S said...

EP I laughed hysterically

If UM only had a QB said...

that sound you hear is heads rolling here at DB

that is stone cone for a Monday.

do it on Friday mayne

El Padrino said...

then fucking counter offer
i dont have to get the captain just took a shot

deng is better then him offensively anyway so i dont know what you were laughing at

blue said...

OU gets all them chicks from Texas...UT has a lot of smokin hot chicks asswell

Keith S said...

"then fucking counter offer
i dont have to get the captain just took a shot

deng is better then him offensively anyway so i dont know what you were laughing at"


I'm countering right now. Barbosa is getting into form right now. And you're crazy if you think Deng is better offensively

tem said...

"tem does not get hyperbole. The "tem is smrt" comment is stricken from the record"

tem is in no mood for hyperbole.

El Padrino said...

then i'm crazy

Keith S said...

Fuck, I really hate fnba

Keith S said...

Josh Howard is being a pussy too

Keith S said...

Ah fuck it. I don't even care. I accepted it, ep

tem said...

veto that trade, it is unfair.

what a rip off.

tem said...

2 weeks in a row i left westbrook on my bench in FNFL.

i am dumb.

El Padrino said...

here we go

tem said...

i can still win as long as williams + rudd < 56 tonight.

Keith S said...

Who is Rudd?

tem said...

LB for Tampa Bay.

maybe it is Ruud.

tem said...

he will probably get about 10-15 points in this league.

so i need williams to get less than 40 or so.

Keith S said...

Are you in mize's shitty league?

tem said...

no, i am in another shitty league.

spaceman spiff said...

"anyone ever had one of those "5 hour energy" drinks?"

braylon edwards is a spokesman for them and his hands do not work, so i wouldnt recommend it

tem said...

my league has other douchebags in it.

they don't make a lot of transactions but they do things like:

commissioner constantly picks free agents up at 8:58am on tuesday even though nobody else can pick free agents up until 9am. then he drops them at 10:10am writes a quick apology for picking them up early and then picks them up again at 10:11am.

one guy always complains that one of his tackles for a defensive players was missed. he watched the game and he saw his guy get 5 tackles, but the stats only show 4. he gets real mad.

other examples to follow later, i have a "hot item" i need to work on.

El Padrino said...

"braylon edwards is a spokesman for them and his hands do not work, so i wouldnt recommend it"

on the other hand Osi Umenyora has commercials for it too

El Padrino said...

romo is clutch








































SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Keith S said...

Romo is to a 2-minute drill as Beltran is to a 2-out rally

Keith S said...

Wow, NYers are smrt




s

El Padrino said...

he's a career .366 hitter with 11 home runs in the postseason

just cuz he made the last out in a game 7 does not make him clutch

damn fools

El Padrino said...

nyc parking tickets are the best

Keith S said...

"just cuz he made the last out in a game 7 does not make him clutch"

That is correct

tem said...

"just cuz he made the last out in a game 7 does not make him clutch"

exactly.

El Padrino said...

i meant not clutch

and a s a pirate fan and a cincy fan dont act like you wouldnt want him on your team

you'd take him in a minute

Keith S said...

"and a s a pirate fan and a cincy fan dont act like you wouldnt want him on your team

you'd take him in a minute"

True. Because they don't ever have any meaningful games, so he would be solid

spaceman spiff said...

TO says he was wide open on the play. man i hope he retires a comboy

El Padrino said...

"True. Because they don't ever have any meaningful games, so he would be solid"

zero knowledge

El Padrino said...

never remember a very good player catching so much grief over a called third stike

If UM only had a QB said...

does anyone make a "dvr" for the radio?

please advice

Notre Dame is the worse said...

That's because he's not a good player

If UM only had a QB said...

just found out our office will be closed the day after christmas through Jan 2nd.

BOOYA BABY!

El Padrino said...

"That's because he's not a good player"

wow, thought you had baseball knowledge, guess not

JFreak said...

Thought you had betting knowledge, guess not.

El Padrino said...

in 2 more seasons barring injury he'll have over 300 hr's and over 2,000 hits, while racking up gold gloves like freak racks up tube socks

yea, he's not a good player

Keith S said...

"he's a career .366 hitter with 11 home runs in the postseason"

That was all with Houston.

JFreak said...

Can't believe you brought up gold gloves.

Show's how much you know.

Keith S said...

"in 2 more seasons barring injury he'll have over 300 hr's and over 2,000 hits"

He's never had 200 hits in a season, and he need 400 to get to 2,000.

El Padrino said...

"That was all with Houston."

you forget he won game 6 vs st loo with a clutch HR

right?

beltran's stats for the haters

Keith S said...

Gold gloves are a popularity contest

blue said...

gold gloves? de la hoya won gold gloves

El Padrino said...

"Thought you had betting knowledge, guess not."

44-36, $1408 on the plus side


lean back nigga

Keith S said...

"beltran's stats for the haters"

Duh

El Padrino said...

"Gold gloves are a popularity contest"

i'll dumb it down for freak

pound for pound one of the best CF's

Keith S said...

"44-36, $1408 on the plus side"

On because you didn't put dollar amounts on the college games

Keith S said...

"pound for pound one of the best CF's"

awesome

ns

Keith S said...

*only because

El Padrino said...

On because you didn't put dollar amounts on the college games

yes i did, minus $100 on each game, $400 loss son

El Padrino said...

when i see a lock i hammer it

see AZ/ST LOO plus $250

El Padrino said...

it's called betting knowledge

If UM only had a QB said...

lean back nigga

many aitches

El Padrino said...

i'm fired up who's next

El Padrino said...

i'm like goldberg 119-0 in fights

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"does anyone make a "dvr" for the radio?"


Cassette tape

El Padrino said...

GOOOOOOOOLDDDBERG

GOOOOOOOOLDDDBERG

GOOOOOOOOLDDDBERG

If UM only had a QB said...

Cassette tape


::plank stare::

El Padrino said...

"does anyone make a "dvr" for the radio?"

no, without recording it on a cassette like deke is saying

If UM only had a QB said...

DVR for radio makes cents to me.

El Padrino said...

a belated god bless to the troops

spaceman spiff said...

radio stations record stuff for you, then post podcasts

El Padrino said...

pet jungle cat

blue said...

radio DVR makes a ton of cents.

I think about that a lot, that i'd like to rewind a song I just heard, or pause a song whilst in the drive thru.

If UM only had a QB said...

radio stations record stuff for you, then post podcasts

write*, but for instance, listening to talk radio right now and I get up to go to the copier or drop a deuce and you miss a few minutes.

you either have to wait to do those things and listen or hit up the podcast later - which can be a hassle (if you're deke).

but if you could simply hit the pause button....

El Padrino said...

Tony Siragusa = Tit on a bull

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"which can be a hassle (if you're deke)."


I have no problems with podcasts

JFreak said...

Play-by-Play of Classic Sports Rivalries If the Team Names Actually Represented the Combatants. And Also, Instead of Playing the Sport, They're Fighting to the Death.

If UM only had a QB said...

I have no problems with podcasts

sure, but I don't see you listening to a radio show and if you missed a few minutes, going and downloading the podcast to ketchup* on the part(s) you missed.

tem said...

beltran has a -0.87 clutch rating.

tem said...

in the postseason.

2.80 in reg season.

Tyler said...

Took the day off because I have a flat tire. It's gonna cost me $150 for a new one cuz there was a tear in the sidewall. Awesome.

Tyler said...

Tem, make with other stories from that douchebag league you're in.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"sure, but I don't see you listening to a radio show and if you missed a few minutes, going and downloading the podcast to ketchup* on the part(s) you missed."


Oh. Right.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Took the day off because I have a flat tire. It's gonna cost me $150 for a new one cuz there was a tear in the sidewall. Awesome."


First $108 flowers, now $150 tires? Jeezus.

tem said...

douchebagery:


trade offer from tem: brian westbrook and jason witten for slaton, hightower and anthony gonzalez.

douchebag counter offer: jacob hester, shaun alexander and brian brohm for westbrook and roddy white.

El Padrino said...

Cubs vs. Cardinals

"That bear just ate that tiny bird!"


freak linked it just for this

El Padrino said...

nice tires

El Padrino said...

"douchebag counter offer: jacob hester, shaun alexander and brian brohm for westbrook and roddy white."

mills

tem said...

basically i am in a $$$ league with 9 Millseses

Tyler said...

That takes some balls to make that a counteroffer like that and be serious about it.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Dude that was just in here's name is Dark Fyre

If UM only had a QB said...

"douchebag counter offer:"

I think this offer was that guys way of saying Tem was a douchebag for offering up his original offer.

If UM only had a QB said...

Dude that was just in here's name is Dark Fyre

please tell me you dropped a "he spits hot fire"

Keith S said...

On this day in 1987...

The Detroit Pistons forward Adrian Dantley scored his 20,000th career point in the NBA during a 127-117 win over Portland

If UM only had a QB said...

On this day in 1987...

The Detroit Pistons forward Adrian Dantley scored his 20,000th career point in the NBA during a 127-117 win over Portland, and a young Milwaukee boy dreamed of being a NBA scab.

*fixed

Tyler said...

Who are the 5 best rappers of all time? Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan and Dylan.

El Padrino said...

what is that kid doing with himself these days

If UM only had a QB said...

peeped game on Chappelle's block party - it's on the "gotta watch till then end" list.

RIP Chappelle.

Tyler said...

I did a search for "I spit hot fire" on youtube and there's a video of him "freestyling" and he's wearing an MTA hat and what looks like an MTA shirt. All great rappers worked for the MTA at some point. Biggie and 2Pac did it.

El Padrino said...

remember Who Dey? is this his website?

If UM only had a QB said...

oh yeah, EP, you're up with my name and pic for what was it - 3 days?

blue said...

zeke might have all his bets paid off by the end of the year

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

nevermind, found it

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

zeke might have all his bets paid off by the end of the year


just in time to get a new set of bad bets on the books.

El Padrino said...

that is suite

gotta find a name and pic for keef too

Keith S said...

"gotta find a name and pic for keef too"

Suite

Keith S said...

Is topless Eli coming out of hiding?

blue said...

Gints made the playoffs?

broncos magic number is 1

El Padrino said...

Poor Bill Murray is confused

El Padrino said...

Gints made the playoffs?

nfc east champs w/ the cowboy choke job in pittsburgh

El Padrino said...

i love jessica simpson

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

I thought I saw something about TI being on SNL recently.

I thought he was locked up for a federal gun charge.

is he out for good? pending trial?

please advice

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

good for him, get that young poon Bill.

El Padrino said...

T.I Blessed Be

"He will serve a year in jail beginning in March, 2008 after completing 1,000 hours of community service.[37]"

El Padrino said...

you could have whatever you like

Keith S said...

whatchu know about that?

Keith S said...

Pit Hair is coaching the TWolves now? Suite

El Padrino said...

Bring em out! Bring em out!

i used that song in my wedding, to introduce the bridal party


IT'S HARD TO YELL WITH THE BAR-REL in YO MOUTH

TWIZZY!

El Padrino said...

what is written on Gaybow's eye black?

Keith S said...

"i used that song in my wedding, to introduce the bridal party"

That's a good one

ns

El Padrino said...

whatcha one youz gonna get

Keith S said...

"whatcha one youz gonna get"

Wow

El Padrino said...

Gump plays for the Saints

Keith S said...

"Wow, up until today's post I didn't realize that there were TWO fsil's."

Stay away, Beth!

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

re: the crazy fsilok getting half nekkid

was she working with anything decent? junk in the trunk? cottage cheese? carpet matching the drapes? meat curtain?

please advice

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

wadr

Beth said...

Oh come on keith, you know you'd kill to see me hook up with the hot fsil. :-)

Keith S said...

Just saw the back side. It was alright

Keith S said...

kill is a strong word

spaceman spiff said...

"whatcha one youz gonna get"

get blu-ray, dvds are garbage
-EP

Keith S said...

Everything I don't have is garbage
-EP


*fixed

I Love Cooley's Sword said...

kill is a strong word

true, it prob would only take some moonshine and $20

Keith S said...

Another funny story from Saturday...

We were at some party at a house on campus and they had a couple of kegs. Some chick was doing a kegstand and her hand slipped and she jacked up her grill on the rim of the keg

Keith S said...

And she had a tube top on and came down. I wish I didn't see that

blue said...

"Denver Broncos running back Peyton Hillis will miss the rest of the season with a strained right hamstring, ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen is reporting. Hillis is expected to be placed on injured reserve Monday."


good, i was worried until Mort let me know it will all be OK.

Keith S said...

blue should try out for Denver's RB spot

El Padrino said...

gotta go blu-ray


make the conversion people

El Padrino said...

"And she had a tube top on and came down. I wish I didn't see that"

i wish i did?

blue said...

nah, i'd just end up hurt

Beth said...

EP, you buying blu-ray players for us all for Christmas? Gee thanks!

Keith S said...

"i wish i did?"

No, it was gross

blue said...

mike shanahan was talking today about some kid that was a beast in Hikeskool that he was going to call. He said he was the best runningback he'd ever seen that didn't make his highschool team, because of politics this kid didn't play.

George Karl is good friends with Shanny and recommended this kid.

Keith S said...

jilarity

Keith S said...

bolder

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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