Tuesday, December 02, 2008

My ankles click when I walk

Well we don't have much time here at the tem office to get this up and running, so let's just get to it. That's right, no fancy intro today. Instead of a fancy schmancy intro I am going to just get right down to the sports stuff, a temrant, news from mort and a movie review....and maybe a couple random things and another temrant. Who knows what I'll do, this could be better than Paul Blake's first Journalism 101 paper.

NFL News: Plax is screwed. 2 felony weapons charges aren't going to go away easily. It seems as though the cops want to make examples out of athletes and the such, so they are going to. Plax will do some time. Which is pretty stupid, but then again he is stupid. It isn't hard to register a weapon and get a conceal/carry permit....well it isn't hard in Ohio. Maybe it is hard in the NYC, but I can't imagine it is too hard. Anyway, Plax is gonna get some time for stupidity. Maybe the other players will learn to register their weapons and to hire body guards.

NHL News: San Jose has the most points, so they are the best, apparently. Lots of other teams have lots of points too, but not as much as San Jose. Go Sharks...or whatever.

MLB News: Apparently no free agent wants to sign anything yet. No news on this front. I am going to try to pool together some cash so the Pirates can make a run at Sabathia. I am up to about $7.59, I think that plus the allure of Pittsburgh plus the fact that CC can bat cleanup if he wants might seal the deal.

NBA News: Can't say I've kept up on this, but it really looks like a 3 horse race between Boston, Cleveland and the Lakers....sorry Portland. Fourth place in a horse race isn't worth squat.

temrant 1: Listen up people with SUVs. If you are going into a parking garage and you see an open spot, but there is a sign that says "COMPACT CARS ONLY" this means that you and your SUV need to park elsewhere. I can't even count the number of times I have seen some old lady pull her SUV into one of those compact car spaces and then not be able to open her door. I swear the car dealerships should force buyers to watch a movie about owning an SUV. Also it is pure hilarity when they pull their SUV into these spaces crooked. They end up being in 3 spaces at once, even though there are cars in the other 2 already. Sometimes I am not even sure how the other cars get out of their spot without hitting the SUV.

News From Mort*: Sources have confirmed to Chris Mortensen that the Browns are looking into bringing Jeff George back into the fold. They aren't comfortable with Ken Dorsey at QB and Romeo Crennell is a big George fan. Romeo needs to win now and he thinks his best chance is with Jeff George in control of the offense. Browns GM Phil Savage would rather see Trent Dilfer come back into the fold because of his Super Bowl pedigree and the fact that Dilfer has played for the Browns before. It will be interesting to see how this one pans out, a clear power struggle between two men who might be losing their jobs in the next 4 weeks.

temrant 2: Seriously, football announcers need to think before they speak sometimes. I was watching some game and the announcer said "the defense needs to swallow the surge here." Ummm, what? I know what he was talking about, but really swallowing the surge is something I'd expect (insert favorite porn star name here) to be doing. There was another one too that an announcer said, but I didn't have my notepad with me so I didn't write it down....Also I had no pen.

tem movie review*:

The Day the Earth Stood Still


The title of this movie is fairly misleading. If the earth stood still then gravity would get all screwed up and we would all fly out into space. That would be a shitty movie. This is not what happens. Although it would be pretty interesting for those folks up on the space station to see everyone fly into space and then die. I'm not sure how I would react to that but I can't imagine it would be good. The reaction would be worse if there were no female astronauts on board. This is precisely why NASA should have a rule about requiring at least one chick astronaut for all missions. If something goes wrong the dude astronauts need some tail.

Anywho, back to the review, this movie is really about a hyper active kid named Earth. He is pretty much like Cleveland Jr. on Family Guy, but not black. In fact he is some sort of Asian. Anyway, in this movie some Asian kid plays a hyper active kid who will never stop moving. His mom, played by Joan Cusak, can't seem to get him to stop. His dad, oddly enough played by John Cusak, can't either. (Side note: really it is about time those Cusak's just up and played a married couple. They play all sorts of other crap in movies and they clearly want to break some sort of gross boundary here as actors, so they should just get on with it. The Cusak's are gross.) So this kid runs around and runs around and they take him to all sorts of doctors and put him on drugs and stuff and nothing works. Then the kid gets in trouble and has to join the Army. Sucks for him, but the joke is on the Army because it sucks for them worse.

So the kid gets put into some special secret program in the Army and they get him to stood still. This is nothing short of miracle and after he stands still he becomes a super killing machine and kills all the terrorists in the world. World peace is achieved.

This sounds nice until you remember that this Asian kid is the offspring of John and Joan Cusak. Clearly the Cusak's are trying to send a message here about the viability of Cusak inbreeding. You'd think as a West Virginian (WaVaian for Keith) I'd be pro inbreeding, but nope, not really.

So, stop preaching to us Cusak's siblings, your movie is no good.

1 helmet sticker out of 5. Would be 0, but there were some kick ass ninja type scenes with the Asian kid.



* - Completely Made Up

447 comments:

1 – 200 of 447   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

ninja scenes always make for a good movie

blue said...

and i don't think the asterisk is necessary anymore, it's a given

blue said...

if the earth stood still and gravity got all messed up, could you hold onto stuff that was bolted down? would cars just fly away?

we need jug to verify.

blue said...

what about the moon, would it go sailing off into the outer space?

Jugdish said...

I'm not sure about all of that, but I think we'd all be living in tents.

blue said...

or is it already in outer space and it would float off into the farther outer space

blue said...

would it become an asteroid?

Jugdish said...

betting on soccer has not gone well for me...no more of that.

I did do some live betting on bodog last night during the monday nighter.

blue said...

"I'm not sure about all of that, but I think we'd all be living in tents."

that's a given

blue said...

what makes something an asteroid as opposed to a meteor or a comet?

blue said...

besides the "different names"

tem said...

tent time is 2012 per the random dude outside of BW2s.

tem said...

blue has lots of space questions.

he should consult the bible.

tem said...

betting on soccer only worked once for me.

tem said...

although when i see something with +1000 i take it.

blue said...

soccer = ::plank stark::

tem said...

blue should gamble more.

blue said...

i'm resting on my laurels

gambling is difficult without the interweb

tem said...

Lane Kiffin is already in trouble for recruiting violations?

tem said...

that's what centsports is for.

tem said...

oh at the bottom of the yahoo! article it says Kiffin is not in trouble.

fucking Yahoo! is just making shit up.

Yahoo! = Mort

tem said...

i think if they make stuff up just like i do then that means i am a legitimate writer now.

or something.

Jugdish said...

what makes something an asteroid as opposed to a meteor or a comet?


size primarily...and the tail of the comet

blue said...

yeah, it was just spurrier bitching because spurrier bitches a lot and he's a whiny bitch

blue said...

i have now bet on 2 soccer matches

blue said...

i will not hit on either as they are plus 1000 and plus 1600 and I've at least heard of the teams they are playing against.

but socker is a toss-up

Jugdish said...

I took one soccer team straigt up, but they were favored by 1.5, which is like 10.5 spread in real sports and they tied. That sucked.

tem said...

i took the other side of that bet jug at +1000.

tie fucked up a 3 thing parlay.

fucking soccer.

blue said...

degenerates we all are

Jugdish said...

I owe my barber seventeen cents by Friday. I might have to recycle some cans or something.

blue said...

"I owe my barber seventeen cents by Friday. I might have to recycle some cans or something."

tap into the t-shirt money

tem said...

you have like 100 cronies. just make them bet more and you will earn more.

Jugdish said...

everytime i log in that site I'm getting some cents from tem's bets.

tem said...

that's fine with me. it doesn't steal them from me, so it is cool.

if it was taking 5% from me and giving it to you then I would cry.

not really.

blue said...

so you're saying you don't mind

tem said...

"and i don't think the asterisk is necessary anymore, it's a given"

i like putting it there. it keeps me from getting sued by the Cusak's. They are mean.*


*Completely made up.

tem said...

yeah, that's what i am saying.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

From last night:

"It's because you have too much shit in there. You need to get some of that garbage out of there so you can actually do something with it"



No. No I don't. I don't have enough shit in there for the fish to hide in.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm in the mood to complain today.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

When you come in here, don't to hand me your package over the computer I'm standing behind. Put it on the fucking scale.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

*try to

blue said...

meiz likes to weigh dudes packages

tem said...

no he doesn't want to wiegh them. he wants them to weigh them themselves.

Keith S said...

"No. No I don't. I don't have enough shit in there for the fish to hide in."

What's the point of having an aquarium if all the fish are hiding all the time?

Keith S said...

I played the centpoker last night. It sucks, but it's free, so whatever

blue said...

he wants them to weigh themselves so he can tell if he has to handle them

Jugdish said...

meiz...you ever get so drunk you shit in your aquariuam?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Some dumb cunt just tried to stuff a box in our mailbox. the slot on the mailbox is maybe 1". She just stands there and goes, "this won't fit".

People are fucking imbeciles.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"What's the point of having an aquarium if all the fish are hiding all the time?"

Some of 'em gots to hide from the shark & the tiger barb. And the plecostumus(sp)

Jugdish said...

Some of 'em gots to hide from the shark & the tiger barb. And the pecostumus(sp)


fixed

Keith S said...

Plecostamus isn't going to eat your fish

Keith S said...

Y! playoffs start this week, huh

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Plecostamus isn't going to eat your fish"

it chases the shit out of 'em at night, though.

Keith S said...

Survival of the fittest

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Lane Kiffin's appearance seems to have changed. He looks a little doughier now

Keith S said...

Playing against mize in back-2-back weeks is lame

Notre Dame is the worse said...

Tem, good idea with the female astronaut thing.

If everybody on earth dies, we need people in space to restart our race.

tem said...

we should actually just send some chicks to space permanently just in case.

also we should store some underground permanently, just in case.


i wouldn't be shocked if the government stored about 1,000 people in some deep underground city just in case a bunch of nukes go off and the place needs repopulated.

If UM only had a QB said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm not an angry person at all.
September 8, 2008 1:03 AM

Jugdish said...

I have no motivation today. I think I need some more caffine or something.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Our mailman is a huge douchebag.

Keith S said...

Goddman pirates

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Our UPS driver is a huge douche, too.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

But the cruise ship got away. At a whopping 27mph.

tem said...

that would be keithfast if i had posted that when i read it yesterday.

but i didn't.

so it isn't.

tem said...

Asteroids, sometimes called minor planets or planetoids, are bodies—primarily of the inner Solar System—that are smaller than planets but larger than meteoroids, but exclude comets. The distinction between asteroids and comets is made on visual appearance when discovered: Comets show a perceptible coma while asteroids do not.

tem said...

A meteoroid is a small sand- to boulder-sized particle of debris in the Solar System. The visible path of a meteoroid that enters Earth's (or another body's) atmosphere is called a meteor, or commonly a "shooting star" or "falling star". If a meteoroid reaches the ground, it is then called a meteorite. Many meteors are part of a meteor shower.

tem said...

A comet is a small Solar System body that orbits the Sun and, when close enough to the Sun, exhibits a visible coma (atmosphere) or a tail — both primarily from the effects of solar radiation upon the comet's nucleus. Comet nuclei are themselves loose collections of ice, dust and small rocky particles, measuring a few kilometres or tens of kilometres across.

tem said...

In astronomy, a coma (from the Latin word for "hair") is the nebulous envelope around the nucleus of a comet. It is formed when the comet passes close to the Sun on its highly elliptical orbit; as the comet warms, parts of it sublimate.

Keith S said...

What is a perceptible coma?

tem said...

that is the rare comet/asteroid/meteor Z.

Keith S said...

nevermind

Jugdish said...

are bodies—primarily of the inner Solar System—that are smaller than planets but larger than meteoroids, but exclude comets.


would rev qualify?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"that would be keithfast if i had posted that when i read it yesterday."

agreed.

Keith S said...

If it would have been posted yesterday I wouldn't have posted it today

tem said...

does rev have a coma?

tem said...

"If it would have been posted yesterday I wouldn't have posted it today"

so?

Keith S said...

"so?"

So is your face

blue said...

"If it would have been posted yesterday I wouldn't have posted it today"


sure, you can say that now

Jugdish said...

This might be old, but its the first time I've ever seen it.

Michael Jackson's Punch Out

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

General question:

Why are the fat women the ones that are always so pushy?

tem said...

HUNGRY

If UM only had a QB said...

that is the rare comet/asteroid/meteor Z.

tipping cap

blue said...

jugfast

Jugdish said...

I said it might be old, so jugfast is void

If UM only had a QB said...

jug did mention it's old, by rule, it is not jugfast.

blue said...

i just wanted to say jugfast, because he had a disclaimer with his link; i've never seen that linked before

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"My ankles click when I walk"

Mine too

If UM only had a QB said...

click clack

Jugdish said...

"My ankles click when I wal(l)k"

El Padrino said...

great post temster

El Padrino said...

don't know if this was covered yesters=day but the guy who robbed ny wr steve smith outside his home was his own driver that he hired to drive him around when he goes out and stuff to avoid dui's

so here's a guy, trying to do the right thing and gets robbed at gunpoint by his own good deed hire

just register the guns fellas

El Padrino said...

either way plax not due in court til march 31st so after getting healthy he may end up playing for gints this year

we'll find out today i believe

i would not play him, non-injury list or suspension

El Padrino said...

good lord james hasty's head is beyond large

looks like a chocolate ostrich egg

Jugdish said...

I agree with the register part, but what is smith going to do when he gets out of his SUV and the guy pulls a gun on him?

He isn't going to do anything if he smart because he has a gun in his face.

Jugdish said...

Lane Kiffin's first task as Vols head coach is to find a field goal kicker who can kick those clutch 75 yard field goals.

El Padrino said...

"I agree with the register part, but what is smith going to do when he gets out of his SUV and the guy pulls a gun on him?"

everyone i hire see's my gun, i would anticipate them not trying anything knowing i have one

El Padrino said...

i think paula deen has sex with her sons

El Padrino said...

women belong in the kitchen not space

El Padrino said...

ford wants 9 billion


hahahahahahahahahahhaaa

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I hope these lazy pigs feel stupid when they ask for someone to carry their boxes in from the car, and the 5'2" 115lb asian kid goes out there to haul in that 15lb box.

El Padrino said...

"But Ford was upset with the meal his girlfriend fixed for him and they got into an argument in the kitchen. While arguing, Ford picked up the sweet potato pie his girlfriend had recently removed from the oven and slammed it into her face, according to the report"


wasting pie like that is unacceptable

El Padrino said...

"5'2" 115lb asian kid goes out there to haul in that 15lb box."

the ocean 11 kid works for ups now?

Jugdish said...

women belong in the kitchen not space



unless, of course, there is a kitchen in space.

spaceman spiff said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm pretty much done during the day for the month

December 1, 2008 12:35 PM



fucking pecos

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I make it a point to knock into the people that come into the "employees only" areas. Let 'em know that they're not wanted.

If UM only had a QB said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm not an angry person at all.
September 8, 2008 1:03 AM

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I'm pretty much done during the day for the month

December 1, 2008 12:35 PM



fucking pecos"


It was busy as fuck. I figured it was dunzo time.

El Padrino said...

meiz is a upserriost

If UM only had a QB said...

i think paula deen has sex with her sons

nasty

El Padrino said...

"On Dec. 13, the casino (Tropicana Atlantic City) will host the Running of The Santas, part of a nationwide bar tour in which participants don Santa hats, beards and suits, and do their own version of Pamplona's running of the bulls. Only at the head of this race will be Hooters girls."

50/50 chance i'm going

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"If UM only had a QB said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm not an angry person at all.
September 8, 2008 1:03 AM"


I told you fools I was complaining today. Suck it.

If UM only had a QB said...

50/50 chance there will be another trampling death.

tem said...

suicide pick:

indy?

ten?

min?

If UM only had a QB said...

P-Mize-S

tem said...

i'm leaning toward indy.

If UM only had a QB said...

tem said...
suicide pick:

indy?

ten?

min?


deke.

spaceman spiff said...

"It was busy as fuck. I figured it was dunzo time"

you were busy on the very first day of the month and you figured you were swamped for the entire month? pecosian logic

tem said...

maybe i should take Ten.

indy did not look good last week.

spaceman spiff said...

vikings arent a great team but the lions are pitiful on run D and AD should be able to win the game by himself

If UM only had a QB said...

Tenn
Indy
Minn

If UM only had a QB said...

Indy struggled last week vs Cle and is only 3-2 at home.

Tenn = 5-1 at home

If UM only had a QB said...

Indy isn't pumping in crowd noise at their new field yet so there isn't that HFA that they're used to.

tem said...

right now i have it as Tenn.

i don't like going against the 0 for lions.

i don't like indy more than i like Tenn.

and tenn is playing Ken Dorsey.

spaceman spiff said...

"and tenn is playing Ken Dorsey."

good point, checkmate

Jugdish said...

Careful...Dorsey should be fresh.


s

blue said...

the lions will get a win sooner or later

tem said...

decision made, TN.

tem said...

i am hoping dorsey is rusty and not fresh.

its the rust vs rest argument for him.

blue said...

tenn is playing ken dorsey, but without KWII, and everyone knows that the browns always win when KWII doesn't play this year

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"you were busy on the very first day of the month and you figured you were swamped for the entire month? pecosian logic"


You don't know shit

tem said...

"everyone knows that the browns always win when KWII doesn't play this year"

i didn't know that.

If UM only had a QB said...

your face doesn't know shit

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"your face doesn't know shit"


shit this, retard

Jugdish said...

the lions will get a win sooner or later


most likely next year though

blue said...

"i didn't know that."

you've also never seen the godfather

Jugdish said...

do you think iam is a titans fan now?

blue said...

tem, you should pick denver, they never lose at home to KC

blue said...

pete carroll hates time outs

Jugdish said...

cumbluefast

If UM only had a QB said...

I'm pretty sure EP would recommend taking the Broncos.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

One of my co-workers obviously doesn't know who Maria Sharapova is. He just pronounced it Sharp-a-no-va.

Jugdish said...

only if Cutler plays

Jugdish said...

It is Sharp - a - nova


but the second A is silent

Keith S said...

On this day in 1980...

The Oakland Raiders defeated Denver and became the first team in NFL history to earn 16 consecutive winning seasons

Jugdish said...

That was a long time ago

tem said...

Nova is another space term.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"It is Sharp - a - nova


but the second A is silent"


::plank stair::

tem said...

cake today!

it's tem's birthday month.

Jugdish said...

Its pronounced "thermometer".



seinfeld

Jugdish said...

Your cronies at work are buying you a cake?

tem said...

yes. they buy a cake each month to celebrate the birthdays.

we used to buy a cake for each person's birthday but we have like 50 people in the office now so we were having cake too much.

or so the office manager said.

tem said...

now we get cake on the first monday of each month to celebrate all the month's birthdays.

of course the office manager forgot yesterday.

she got yelled at by tem so there is cake today. she wanted to wait until next week but i told her that was not acceptable.

tem said...

she forgot again today actually, but then she sent out one of her cronies to go get the cake because she could tell i was going to go apeshit.

tem said...

that was a lot of info about the cake process at my work.

blue said...

today is cmblue's birthday.

i don't have anything yet

tem said...

the first person to get cake today (not tem) took a corner piece, but wiped off all of the icing.

he is a moron. why take a corner piece if you are going to wipe off all of the icing??? it is almost a "why eat cake at all?" situation.

blue said...

that's a dumb guy

tem said...

set her up with a centsports account and tell her "happy birthday!"

Notre Dame is the worse said...

buy her a baby.

Jugdish said...

I like the middle pieces

tem said...

buy her gift cards to circut city.

Keith S said...

"everyone i hire see's my gun, i would anticipate them not trying anything knowing i have one"


I knew you were rich.

tem said...

you can tell her that "your gift is on the roof if you want it"

i doubt she'll go get it.

blue said...

i'm thinking about buying her a yacht

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Our Jewiest Jew was just in. I absolutely despise that guy. On top of that, I gave him shitty information.

+1 for me.

Keith S said...

"we were having cake too much."

Nonsense

Keith S said...

"On top of that, I gave him shitty information."

Ah, so you lied. Shocking

Keith S said...

"today is cmblue's birthday.

i don't have anything yet"


If kod was here he'd say get her a treadmill.

Jugdish said...

i'm thinking about buying her a yacht



get the one that Sprewell had repossessed

Keith S said...

Then a slapper would start

Keith S said...

I wish kod was here

blue said...

"get the one that Sprewell had repossessed"

there is a waterway between here and minnesota right?

blue said...

"I wish kod was here"

yeah, you guys could be gay together

Jugdish said...

there is a waterway between here and minnesota right?


truck it in

Keith S said...

Wow, good one Mr. Witty

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"truck it in"


Now that's some down south speak right there.

Keith S said...

$1.69 for gas at Costco this morning. Suite

Keith S said...

"(WaVaian for Keith)"

Thank you

tem said...

makes shipping a yacht cheap.

tem said...

glad to see you read my post.

tem said...

tits wasn't here again. what's up with no tits?

spaceman spiff said...

"today is cmblue's birthday.

i don't have anything yet"


step 1 - Cut a hole in a box...

Jugdish said...

makes shipping a yacht cheap.



mize should know the rates

blue said...

MPS would move yachts cheap

Jugdish said...

suddenly I have mize like motivation at work and am kicking tps in the teeth

blue said...

when did the TCS start?

Jugdish said...

it started?

blue said...

Meiz,
if i wanted to ship a large dog shit to overland park, kansas, what size box would you recommend

blue said...

"it started?"

yeah, i think i'm winning

blue said...

if there's a way to keep this dog shit insulated, like an insulated box, that would be ideal

Jugdish said...

pack it in dry ice...right mize?

Jugdish said...

you want it fresh when it arrives

blue said...

can i ship dry ice across state lines meiz?

tem said...

TCS did not start.

the regular season for it started awhile ago.

Notre Dame is the worse said...

I hope I get a low seed, so I can shock the world.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"if i wanted to ship a large dog shit to overland park, kansas, what size box would you recommend"


I think an eight inch cube would suffice

Jugdish said...

I will be the Ball State of TCS

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"can i ship dry ice across state lines meiz?"

sure

Keith S said...

older

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 447   Newer› Newest»

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino