Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

I had this weird dream last night, which is pretty weird in-and-of-itself because I normally never remember any of my dreams. So I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and I said something like, "Well, it's going to be interesting when Obama takes office because there are a lot of problems". So then my friend said, "What are you, racist? Do all black people look alike to you?" I was a little confused, so I said, "Dude, what are you talking about?" He replied, "Man, everyone knows that Dennis Haysbert is the President Elect, not Obama." I said, "Wait a minute, the Allstate commercial guy?", and he said "Yeah, he defeated Obama in a run-off". Then he explained to me that he was a last minute write-in candidate, it was too close to call between him and Obama, so they had a run-off election and he won in a landslide. He mentioned that people were impressed by the fact that he had previous Executive experience. I said, "Because he played the President on 24?" and he said that he was so convincing in that role that all they had to do is play clips from the show and people though he was the incumbent. So then I asked, "But what about his role in Major League?", and my friend answered, "McCain brought that up in the first debate, but he kind of came off like a condescending a-hole when he did it. It actually turned into a hot-button issue and caused McCain's downfall". I asked my friend if he was shitting me and he said, "No, look it up on wikipedia if you don't believe me". So I looked it up on wikipedia, and, sure enough, it happened exactly how he described it.

I think this is why I try not to remember any of my dreams.

So, it's that time of year, and since Christmas is tomorrow, I have made a list of things that I would get everyone where if I had the money.

Beth - No shocker here, I would for some giant fakies. Just a ginormous set of bolt-ons. And she would be required to send me pictures of them pressed against glass everyday.

El P - Money. He's a capitalist and he lives in NYC, so that's all he really wants/needs. I'd try and give him enough to cover his credit card debt. Hopefully he doesn't blow it all trying to double-up by taking the Raiders +13 this weekend.

Zeke - Zeke is tough to shop for. A maybe a new 401k?

Spiff - $200 million so the Angels can resign Mark Teixeira. I hate Scott Boras. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I wrote this yesterday before he signed with the Yanks. Sorry, Spiff).

Iam - A basement recording studio so he can become the Timbaland of country music.

Kod - Adrian Peterson for a day, so Kod can sit on the couch while AP sprints to the refrigerator and back to get him CLs. Or a job in a city with a warm climate. Jeebus, Kod, seriously, you should move.

Freak - A real job, so he can move out of his parent's house and start the path toward adulthood.

Tem - I would send two strippers to the Temcondo and then wire him some extra money for the "after party" to make sure there was a happy ending.

Andy - Five minutes playing time in a Milwaukee Bucks game. If Ahmad Rashad can pull some strings and get in a Sixers game, I'm sure the Bucks will take my money.

Keef - Lots of alcohol. Because he's going to need it in a couple of months after the honeymoon wears off.

And that's all I've got. Mary* Christmas.

239 comments:

1 – 200 of 239   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

oh, well fuck you too tyler

i didn't get you anything either, bastard.

blue said...

first the TCS then Tyler's christmas...blue is starting to feel slighted.

blue said...

everybody must have today off but me.

El Padrino said...

hahahaha

blue was slighted again

El Padrino said...

T, shoebox full of franklin's please.

blue said...

ESPN had "interactive tuesday" where people could submit comments and they ran across the top of the screen last night.


it was like a whole football game with shitty WWL comments. It was the mother lode.

blue said...

this lady on the radio just called the publication the "rolling stones" magazine, and then she told the guy to "be like Paul McCarthy and 'live and let live'"

blue said...

i think she might be married to cumfast

blue said...

or the perfect date for Steve

tem said...

blue you can have one of my used strippers, after i am done with them.

tem said...

"interactive tuesday"


those games are the worse.

blue said...

nah, i'm good, i'm just going to quit, or change my name

tem said...

maybe steve is the perfect date for cumfast. or vice versa.

blue said...

good use of viced versa

tem said...

i am not at work today, but figured i'd stop in for a bit anyway.

tem said...

i was thinking you change your name to red and your pic to morgan freeman in shawshank.

El Padrino said...

"it was like a whole football game with shitty WWL comments. It was the mother lode."

awful

boise st. failures

blue said...

that's a pretty good idea


especially since i'm a republican

or a democrat.

i don't know which is red.

tem said...

red is for communist.

or nazi maybe.

blue said...

i thought that was Pink

if so, keith should be red.

blue said...

yeah, Boise State failed. That's what you get when you kick FGs instead of scoring TDs in the redzone.

tem said...

redzone or pinkzone?

tem said...

scoring TDs in the pinkzone is key.

blue said...

oh, yeah, pinkzone

i'm only working until noon today, if i make it that long

tem said...

so pink is communist and red is nazi?

blue said...

"scoring TDs in the pinkzone is key."

TWSS

blue said...

i watched superbad again last night. that movie stays funny

El Padrino said...

portland st.

what what

tem said...

it's better than the brown zone.

blue said...

gonzaga isn't a top 10 team anyway despite where they're ranked

blue said...

Jeff Capel is a hell of a coach

tem said...

that's a different topic.

blue said...

yeah i like to jump around on the topics

tem said...

twss

tem said...

i need to go to walmart and giant eagle soon.

El Padrino said...

"WASHINGTON -- Barry Larkin said on Monday that he is leaving the Nationals to take a job as an analyst with the MLB Network, which launches on Jan. 1, 2009."

keef, ur boy

tem said...

didn't know he worked for the nats

Keith S said...

"Lots of alcohol. Because he's going to need it in a couple of months after the honeymoon wears off."

Suite

Keith S said...

"keef, ur boy"

Not sure if that's a good move for him. Even though the Nats suck, it's hard to say whether or not this MLB Network is going to take off.

Andy M said...

When you remember your dreams, it means you didn't sleep well.





Speaking of which, I should get back in the habit of posting my crazy dreams.

blue said...

working for the Nats usually isn't something people put on their resumè

Keith S said...

He'll be in the HoF in 2010, though. Then he can just live in his castle and let his servants take care of him for the rest of his life

blue said...

Barry is taking the loss of Mark Texiera pretty hard.

Keith S said...

Or maybe 2011. He retired in '05.

blue said...

"When you remember your dreams, it means you didn't sleep well."

i heard somewhere that the more intelligent you are, the more likely you'll remember your dreams.

I think Andy is the exception that proves the rule

Keith S said...

Today is a shitty sports day

Keith S said...

The only game on Centsports today is the Hawaii Bowl

El Padrino said...

"Barry is taking the loss of Mark Texiera pretty hard."

very funny

Keith S said...

10 bowl losses in a row for ND

tem said...

that'll happen.

ok heading out for shopping. yay, fun.

Keith S said...

"ok heading out for shopping."

Sucker

Keith S said...

I had to return some boots to DSW last night, and it's by the mall. Traffic was redonk

blue said...

this is the first time in the past 10 bowl games that ND is actually matched up with a team they could beat.

Andy M said...

Blue's face is an exception.

JFreak said...

Oh no, a giant snowman

Grow up Anchorage major.

blue said...

lowercase b Andy

Andy M said...

I wouldn't make it up & down the court 3 times. I'd rather sit on the bench.

Andy M said...

Oh. blue.

blue said...

so Greg Oden pretty much sucks, huh?

blue said...

and mike powell's kid ain't that great either

blue said...

good thing they both came out after their freshman year

isiah thomas said...

Speaking of which, I should get back in the habit of posting my crazy dreams.

Deke just post your lies as-is, no need to say they are "crazy dreams"

isiah thomas said...

T - great post man, the catcher puts the #1 sign down and you always throw the 99 mph heater.

isiah thomas said...

ESPN had "interactive tuesday" where people could submit comments and they ran across the top of the screen last night.

what about the comments where they showed a map of the US and actually had audio commentary.

terribad

Andy M said...

"Deke just post your lies as-is, no need to say they are "crazy dreams""


riiight

El Padrino said...

nice work keef/zeke

El Padrino said...

"Yule be in tears at Christmas... Worst present ever - parents give child 360 box filled with clothes... "


poor kid.

El Padrino said...

"Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, the co-founder and chief executive of Access International, was found dead in his office in New York yesterday. "


his fund lost 1.4 billion in the madoff scheme, cut his wrists and bled to death in his office

isiah thomas said...

nice work keef/zeke

nazi'd

Andy M said...

"nazi'd"


some dudes in AZ dressed up as Santa and went around gift wrapping stop n go lights and traffic cameras.

El Padrino said...

some dudes were walking around tempe, AZ covering the traffic cameras with boxes and xmas wrap

and the fact that your blocked from a basic news outlet site is not good

El Padrino said...

some dudes i2i

Andy M said...

Maybe its the local "edgy" news outlet.

isiah thomas said...

Reason:
The Websense category "Internet Radio and TV" is filtered.

isiah thomas said...

"Celts win franchise-best 19th straight"

come on jeebus, make it a merry christmas. KG double ACL tear vs the Lakers.

El Padrino said...

"During a recent photo shoot on the set, the notoriously difficult actor sniped to the photographer, 'Get ready to do a lot of airbrushing.' Tina, who has a childhood scar on her left cheek, fired back, 'Something wrong with my face?' Alec upped the ante by saying it's her entire body that's the problem." A verbal spar with Tina Fey? Oh, Alec. She shot back saying "this was coming from a guy with a double chin who thinks Sarah Palin is hot," which allegedly had Baldwin fuming."



TSK, TSK

El Padrino said...

"She had sweatpants on, and all of a sudden we saw the baby's head coming through the sweatpants. I was like: 'Oh my word.' So I pulled off her pants and out came baby."

That is not how they drew it up.

blue said...

random quotes

isiah thomas said...

what's that tina fey/baldwin quote from?

El Padrino said...

"what's that tina fey/baldwin quote from?"

celeb gossip, Star mag and Gawker

the baby was ny daily news, bitch had a baby in the back of a cab

El Padrino said...

small cache of weapons confiscated from plax "tank" cheddar-burress

dammit

blue said...

yeah, plax thought the armenians were coming to invade his house.

El Padrino said...

FFFFFFFFFFFF DAMMITTTTTTTTT

El Padrino said...

i hope Manningham gets his shit straight

El Padrino said...

lily allen tits?

blue said...

even tank johnson thought plax had a lot of guns


even mike vick thinks that's fucked up.

kodiac said...

What about Bob on Comedy Central

-sweet; haven't seen this movie in a few years

isiah thomas said...

i hope Manningham gets his shit straight

good luck with that

isiah thomas said...

lily allen tits?

gross

Andy M said...

"lily allen tits?

gross"


You wanna see some Winewhore tits?

El Padrino said...

gross

i still want to suck on them

El Padrino said...

"You wanna see some Winewhore tits?"

did already

Andy M said...

I would have the sex with Lily Allen. But she has to be all made up & shit.

isiah thomas said...

who is lilly allen anyway?

ns

Andy M said...

British pop star

blue said...

no, the whinehouse tits are no good


actually her tits weren't bad, but she's just awful

isiah thomas said...

Andy are you working today?

isiah thomas said...

is Spiffg a jew?

ns

Andy M said...

"Andy are you working today?"


Yep.

El Padrino said...

"is Spiffg a jew?

ns"

talsk like one

Andy M said...

I'm pretty sure Mexican/Asian hybrids aren't Jewish.

isiah thomas said...

talsk like one

his kid was singing a chanucka song on one of his podcasts.

isiah thomas said...

Yep.

have you had to crush anyone's "will it get their by the 25th" dreams this week?

Andy M said...

"his kid was singing a chanucka song on one of his podcasts."


Oh, you're talking about El Tardo, not Spiffg.

Andy M said...

"have you had to crush anyone's "will it get their by the 25th" dreams this week?"

Been doing it since last week. Not even the guaranteed services are guaranteed this week. Good times.

blue said...

i think he mentioned at one point that his wife is jewish. He went to Holy Cross...jews don't go to Holy Cross

blue said...

plus he's from Bahston. jews don't live in Boston, only Catholics

blue said...

SH's maiden name is Crichton, i think that's jewish, but not sure.

Andy M said...

I wish all copies of U2's music would just disappear from the face of the earth.

isiah thomas said...

I wish all copies of U2's music would just disappear from the face of the earth.

it's Christmas Eve day, I'll refrain from the "your face" joke.

blue said...

U2 is fine, it's Bono I hate

blue said...

so all U2 music that doesn't involve Bono is ok by me.

Andy M said...

I just don't like 'em for no good reason.

blue said...

Andenezer Scrooge

isiah thomas said...

I just don't like 'em for no good reason.

Andy doesn't mean that, that's deke talking.

Keith S said...

"have you had to crush anyone's "will it get their by the 25th" dreams this week?"


Early Xmas gift from zeke

Keith S said...

Winehouse tits were decent, but yeah, she's a fucking wreck otherwise

Keith S said...

Tyler didn't get a gift for jug either. That ain't right

Keith S said...

My fucking dog gets the hiccups at least 5 times every day. I don't know what that's about

isiah thomas said...

Early Xmas gift from zeke

Merry Christmas......Everyone!

isiah thomas said...

there's plenty more wear* that came from.

Keith S said...

I know it's early, but good deal for Valentine's.

Andy M said...

"My fucking dog gets the hiccups at least 5 times every day. I don't know what that's about"


You're not kicking it enough.

Keith S said...

My dog is not an "it", TYVM

Keith S said...

"and mike powell's kid ain't that great either"

I think you are probably talking about Mike Conley, tough guy

blue said...

Tyler should take note of the valentine's offer

blue said...

"I think you are probably talking about Mike Conley, tough guy"

nope, mike powell

blue said...

this guy

blue said...

tough guy

Keith S said...

Thanks, I know who Mike Powell is. But you talked about Oden and "Powell's kid" leaving after their freshman year. It was Oden and Mike Conley Jr

blue said...

those were 2 seperate comments

Keith S said...

So who is Mike Powell's son

blue said...

this guy

blue said...

tough guyy

Keith S said...

Personal: Carlton Eugene Powell, Jr. ... Born 8/14/85 in Norfolk, VA ... Son of Carlton and Jay Powell

Andy M said...

"My dog is not an "it", TYVM"


excuse me?

Keith S said...

An Australian teacher who stuffed his luggage with 2,000-year old animal mummies and religious figurines wrapped as gifts was arrested Wednesday, an Egyptian airport security official said.


That teacher needs to find someone to have things in common with.

Keith S said...

"excuse me?"


Um, you just cnp what I said. What are you missing?

Andy M said...

all of it

Andy M said...

hence, "excuse me?"

Keith S said...

Do people call you "it"

Keith S said...

I have to take him next month to get his balls lopped off. Do you need me to send them to you?

Keith S said...

Centsports needs to add a casino to their site for days like today. The poker sucks, so playing a little blackjack or craps would be alright

El Padrino said...

"I have to take him next month to get his balls lopped off. Do you need me to send them to you?"

savage

Keith S said...

macho man?

Keith S said...

I got up this morning when fmk went to work, then I went back to bed and slept until 11:00. That was grate*

spaceman spiff said...

off to hawaii merry christmas to all and to all a pair of giant boobs

Keith S said...

I've seen pics of that chick and she's wearing a smoker's patch on her arm.

ns

El Padrino said...

kurt warner

Keith S said...

spiff's links >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
EP's links

El Padrino said...

enjoy spiff, merry xmas my gook brother

El Padrino said...

my face
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
keef's face

Keith S said...

I don't know who she is, but she's topless

kodiac said...

weird; I just commented and it didn't show up...that's never happened before

Andy M said...

"Do people call you "it""


Its a dog. I didn't know you were in PETA.

Keith S said...

And here is her as.

isiah thomas said...

enjoy spiff, merry xmas my gook brother

ditto

Keith S said...

"Its a dog. I didn't know you were in PETA."

He's a dog. He has a penis and balls. So he's already >>>>>>>>>>> you

Keith S said...

"my face
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
keef's face"

That's because I haven't shaved recently

isiah thomas said...

He's a dog. He has a penis and balls. So he's already >>>>>>>>>>> you

but how many personalities does he have?

kodiac said...

I haven't shaved in about a month; I also haven't gotten my haircut since last June...I look like a homeless man (ns)

-Lately I've been tempted to pull the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer in Court

Keith S said...

"but how many personalities does he have?"

Oh, good point

Andy M said...

"He's a dog. He has a penis and balls. So he's already >>>>>>>>>>> you"


Ooooooohh. Good one. Witty.

Keith S said...

"I haven't shaved in about a month; I also haven't gotten my haircut since last June...I look like a homeless man"

Jesus, mayne

isiah thomas said...

deke is starting to creep back into the picture here.

who had two weeks?

El Padrino said...

"I haven't shaved in about a month; I also haven't gotten my haircut since last June...I look like a homeless man (ns)"

unprofessional hobo

El Padrino said...

"Honestly if the Pats don’t make the playoffs there needs to be an asterix next to this year’s Superbowl Champion because they didn’t go through us and we’re as good and as hot as anybody in the league right now. And 11-5 should get you in the playoffs every single year. That’s how the founding fathers intended it to be. It’s just not fair that the Cardinals, Cowboys and either Broncos or Chargers will be in the post season and we won’t. "



HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

boo fucking hoo
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

Andy M said...

"deke is starting to creep back into the picture here."


Says you.

isiah thomas said...

boo fucking hoo

where did aitch type this?

kodiac said...

unprofessional hobo

unprofessional? riiight. This is Northern Minnesota, not NYC

isiah thomas said...

unprofessional? riiight. This is Northern Minnesota, not NYC

I thought it was Northern Wisconsin




s

kodiac said...

I thought it was Northern Wisconsin


-very similar; just more Indian Reservations up here

El Padrino said...

"unprofessional? riiight. This is Northern Minnesota, not NYC"

Northern Minnesota! Where professionalism lives!

kodiac said...

up here, it's how good you are, not what you look like. It's not like I show up for Court in a t-shirt

kodiac said...

-very similar; just more Indian Reservations up here

actually strike that; I just looked at the reservation map in WI...there are way more Reservations up there than I thought

El Padrino said...

"actually strike that; I just looked at the reservation map in WI...there are way more Reservations up there than I thought"

stricken

and thank god, these irregularities are a cancer

kodiac said...

your face is a cancer

Keith S said...

"stricken

and thank god, these irregularities are a cancer"


Beat me to it

Keith S said...

"your face is a cancer"

That's mean. Unless you meant fake skin cancer

El Padrino said...

nothing worse than a hairy mean indian

kodiac said...

nothing worse than a hairy mean indian

accept* maybe betting on Notre Dame. I parlayed ND and the over

kodiac said...

Beat me to it

I added it because I half expected you or Blue to look it up, and give me shit for being wrong (ns)

Andy M said...

"and thank god, these irregularities are a cancer"


inaccuracies?

El Padrino said...

"inaccuracies?"

your face?

El Padrino said...

fuck this have a good one shit

say merry christmas

Andy M said...

"your face?"


maybe?

El Padrino said...

T or anyone, please advice

isiah thomas said...

half day...out dis* bitch

peace out my negroes

Happy Kwanza

El Padrino said...

aight playa

El Padrino said...

salute

El Padrino said...

from paris with love

Andy M said...

"T or anyone, please advice"


it seems to be beer.

Andy M said...

"Neenah Paper Inc. (NP) said its Whiting mill in central Wisconsin produced the paper used for the official invitation to the Jan. 20 inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama."


Yay, sconsin!

El Padrino said...

"it seems to be beer."

wondering if he or anyone else tried it dingbat

Andy M said...

I know, ya twat.

El Padrino said...

marsupial turd

El Padrino said...

hamster twat

El Padrino said...

goat nut

El Padrino said...

hairy ape choad

El Padrino said...

smelly baboon taint

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