Finally it is here. Let's get it over with already. I hate politics. I hate election day. You want 5 reasons I hate it? Sure:
1) Stupid Commercials: I don't even know who half these people are. Why is some lady who is running for county coroner (more on that later) saying something bad about some dude who is running for it as well?? Really? Mudslinging in the coroners race? I couldn't give a shit less who is the fucking county coroner or whether or not they have ever run a business.
2) Too much shit to vote for: How the fuck am I supposed to be an informed voter when I have to vote for over 100 things. Between federal, state and local shit I am voting for over 100 things. I have shit to do, I don't have time to become educated on this many things. I have an idea, let's just make shit like county coroner an appointed position. I'll vote for the Governor and he can just tell me who my county coroner is going to be. I have to vote for county coroner, but I don't get to vote for the Secretary of Defense? Not that I want to vote for the Sec of Defense, I'm cool with it being an appointed position, I just don't want to be bothered with the coroner vote.
3) Too long of lines: I got there this morning. Two hour wait. Fuck that, I'm voting later today. I can't show up to work past 10am and say "I was voting." If I did that I'd soon be saying "I usedtacould be employed." Fuck the long lines with a huge ass stick....oh and so what happens when I get in this line today. Some dude with a ridiculous accent starts talking to me like we are best friends. I'm cool with small talk and all that, but when you start telling me about your great aunt Weazy I gotta draw the line and just go to work instead of standing in line.
4) Politicians Suck: Seriously? This is the best our country has to offer?? This is worse than the QB situation in the NFL. I mean at least there they have 5 or so really good QBs. On a national scale I doubt there are 5 good politicians. They all are dumbasses. I can totally see how donkeys and shit get elected to be mayors of towns. I'd vote for a beagle for county coroner, put Baxter on the ticket, he'll get some votes, nobody even knows what the coroner does. Do they just come in and say "yep he's dead"? Let Baxter do it. If he chews on them, then they are dead.
5) Door to door "do-gooders": It's Monday night and you come knocking on my door to tell me how evil Obama is and how awesome McCain is? What the hell is wrong with you? I'm pretty sure my mind is already made up at that point. Coming to my door and telling me that Obama wasn't even born in the United States is not going to sway my vote. I got more important shit to worry about, like do I buy another 3 pound bag of Sour Patch Kids or do I stay away from them because I eat them like Rev eats everything. I'm pretty sure that if Obama was born in some other country that the Republicans would have said something by now. Or maybe their plan is to wait until after the election so McCain wins by default. Who knows, but on the Monday night before the election you can keep your smarmy ass home.
OK let's just hit some random shit then a movie review and call it a post:
1) I said this in comments yesterday, but it is worth saying again. Crabtree needs to learn to run with the ball closer to his body. I don't care if his hands are the size of Mr. As.'s entire upper torso. He is gonna fumble all day and night until he learns to hold that ball right.
2) The hook and ladder is a sweet play and should be run more often in the middle of games. I guess coaches think it is too risky. It is probably safer and more effective than having your third team WR throw a pass back across the field to someone, so just run the hook and ladder.
3) In the Texas Tech vs. Texas game when Tech kicked off with 1 second left what would have happened if a Texas guy fielded the ball on his knee(s)?? Would that second have ticked off the clock or would the ball have been dead right away, giving Texas a chance to run a play? I don't know. I need to know.
Movie Review: Valkyrie
This is Tom Cruise's new movie. It'll be out in like a month or so. The movie is about Val Kilmer, but they spelled the title wrong. I think people do that sometimes. Anyway, this is basically Tom Cruise ripping off John Claude Van Damme's movie and then adding a TWIST of it being about someone else.
So Tom Cruise stars as Val Kilmer and he walks around and wishes he was still nailing Elizabeth Shue in the Saint and still playing a cowboy in Tombstone. Those were the days. He even pines for the days of Willow. But I digress. So Tom is staring as Val Kilmer and he decides to test Katie Holmes. He goes to Tom Cruise's house, which is really his, but he is being Val Kilmer, so it isn't his. Anyway Katie let's him in and they do the nasty. Then Tom gets all mad because Katie cheated on him with Val Kilmer, but Katie is all like "no I didn't, I slept with Tom Cruise." and Tom is all like "no, I'm Val Kilmer, you cheating whore!" It is a very tense moment. Probably one of the top 10 tense moments in cinematic history. Maybe top 5.
Anyway, all hell breaks lose because of Katie's cheating. Tom goes on Oprah and jumps on the couch and starts shooting up the place. I guess they let him take a gun in with him. The cops catch Tom, but he pins everything on Val Kilmer. Then Tom uses some Scientology spell, yeah they have spells because I said they do, and tricks the cops. So they go after the real Val Kilmer who is filming a B movie in Utah. Val catches wind of all of this and starts out on a quest to clear his name.
I'll spare you the rest of the details because I don't want to ruin it for you, the quest is possibly the best quest ever, but I will tell you to keep an eye out for a cameo by Fred Savage.
5 out of 5 helmet stickers. Best movie I have reviewed in a long time.