Wednesday, October 01, 2008

There's no easy way out, there's no shortcuts home.

So, I've got a hypothetical situation here. Say your best friend was just killed in the ring, fighting a 'roided out Russian boxer and you're mulling over a comeback to avenge his death. You get in your Lamborghini, and start shifting about 538 times a minute, but what cassingle do you play on the Hi-Fi stereo? That's right, your first and only choice is No Easy Way Out by Robert Tepper. My favorite part is at the 3:24 mark, because that signals the big finish where he starts doubling up on certain parts of the chorus (giving in GIVING IN can't be wrong, no). It's also the part in the flashback where Rocky throws his helmet at the statue Rocky. See, he was mad at himself for Mickey's death and for losing the championship belt, and since he couldn't throw a motorcycle helmet at himself, he threw it at a statue of himself.

Ok, onto sports.

So, Kifin Watch 2008 is finally over. Al Davis, go ahead and do us all a favor; please die. Or try and coach the team yourself. Cuz that would be pretty awesome.

Rev should drive over to Pittsburgh and try to get on the Steelers' roster when they hold open tryouts for running back later this week. He could have a movie made about his life's story. The only problem is; I don't know if there's enough material in the world to make a helmet that will fit his head.

Ricky Williams + bye week = high probability for disaster. I'm just sayin'. Apparently, instead of burning tree, he just meditated and got high off of life. Way to go, Ricky. I hope he shoots a "One To Grow On" commercial for NBC real soon. When that dood retires, he is going to be the first guy ever to overdose on weed.

Baseball Playoffs. Exciting. I'm really looking forward to hearing MORE Melloncamp. Can't get enough. I celebrate the guy's entire catalog.

ANYWAYS, everyone's homie, Jim Thome, put the Chi Sox into the playoffs last night. Let's see here, L.A. has two teams in. Chicago has two teams in. New York...well, not so much. I am excited to see what the Dodgers will do. We even have our ace, Derek Lowe starting the first...aw goddmanit, who am I kidding, if D Lowe is starting game 1, we're fuct.

Clifton Phifer Lee, AL Comeback Player of the Year. He should also clear some space for that Cy Young he's about to get. Yes, I am extremely worried by my mancrush on Cliff Lee. Thanks for asking. Shockingly, Brad Lidge was the NL Comeback Player of the Year. 41-for-41 in save opportunities is pretty impressive considering that his arm fell off last year.

638 comments:

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Beth said...

I'm apparently late to discovering this, but if you've never seen Achmed the Dead Terrorist and can access youtube, you need to watch it. It's hilarious.

Jugdish said...

Good stuff, and better late than never Beth.

I love Gollum said...

that video was rad

I love Gollum said...

derek lowe is a big game pitcher

Jugdish said...

Sox were the first team to beat three different teams in three days to advance to playoffs...sweet!

I love Gollum said...

cubs losing the WS to the white sox would be the ultimate

Jugdish said...

Probably so, although that series would cause a jug family war as we are split on those teams. Its a friendly split, but a WS would bring it to a new level.

Jugdish said...

Al Davis looks like he was burned in a fire.

I love Gollum said...

yeah he looks terrible, like freddy krueger

Jugdish said...

no responsibility

Jugdish said...

Apparently Oprah doesn't give her mom and "allowance".

I love Gollum said...

ramsey held his own, o'reilly was subdued, i was disappointed

Jugdish said...

He didn't address his ideas like I thought he would. I was disappointed too. The topic was more informative than opinion based too.

Jugdish said...

Down Karen!! Get down Karen!!

Jugdish said...

I always like what Newt has to say though.

I love Gollum said...

still cant believe his name is newt

blue said...

Jeff Dunham has a lot of hilarious characters...that guy is a pretty funny ventriloquist

blue said...

since EP likes to call my FMLB pitching staff junk, Danks was one of my pitchers, and he pitched well 3 out of every 4 outings or so....not as well as last night, but still good

blue said...

suck it twins fan...all one of you

blue said...

was there a tyler/freak bet?

or a spiff/aitch bet?

or a rev/meiz bet?

or a TP/Jug bet?

or an EP/Kod bet?

blue said...

we need lordzofwagerz

Jugdish said...

There is a rev/Meiz bet.

H won't show up to make a bet.

I never did make a bet with Kod.

I love Gollum said...

punch out

I love Gollum said...

i had danks on my money team, he sucked like three starts in a row, then was great 3 starts in a row

Beth said...

"we need lordzofwagerz"

Talk to meiz, Zeke and EP, they're the official contributors to the rarely updated site.

Beth said...

Lordz of Wagers

I love Gollum said...

or an EP/Kod bet?

what

Jugdish said...

I'll bet I can get you gambling before the end of the day.

blue said...

i'll take that bet

tem said...

jeff dunham is funny with his puppets.

blue said...

Jenny McCarthy was just on the radio...she's not as hot on the radio

tem said...

drunk tem doesn't sign on anymore.

tem said...

but tem was drunk again last night. 6pm softball game got cancelled due to the other team forfeiting.

Jugdish said...

tem...do you find it that you play better when you are drinking? At what point do you start to suck at softball from drinking?

I love Gollum said...

rare cheerleader nip slip

Jugdish said...

I find that I am fine drinking during softball, but if we have a double header with an hour off between the games...well that is not good.

blue said...

i play slightly better with a drink or two drinks...but much worse when things start to get a little too loosygoosy

blue said...

yeah, the 2nd game of doubleheaders is rough if you start drinking before the 1st game

tem said...

"At what point do you start to suck at softball from drinking?"

same point i start to suck at typing.

blue said...

hooray for the seahawks cheerleaders

tem said...

"do you find it that you play better when you are drinking? "

i do not play better when drinking at all. i play best stone cone sober.

but that does not stop me from drinking before games.

Jugdish said...

same point i start to suck at typing.


Do you ever fake sucking at softball like you faked sucking at typing?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"drunk tem doesn't sign on anymore."

Tem's developed a complex.

tem said...

i don't fake the typing. i just don't bother to correct the typos.

drunk tem is really lazy too.

more lazy than regular tem.

blue said...

is drunk tem more lazy than meiz?

tem said...

"Tem's developed a complex."

i'm a complex person.

Beth said...

"Do you ever fake sucking at softball like you faked sucking at typing?"

This made me LOL.

tem said...

"is drunk tem more lazy than meiz?"

possibly.

Jugdish said...

what about drunk meiz?

tem said...

i don't know much about drunk meiz.

blue said...

drunk meiz is not lazy, he goes for walks all the time

Jugdish said...

he goes for walks all the time


The bad part is he doesn't remember the walks. He just wakes up on a prak bench or in one of those Cedarburg alleys.

blue said...

one time he almost walked to town

tem said...

does blue want his fmlb winnings?

tem said...

well then yes drunk tem is lazier than drunk meiz.

blue said...

yeah, he does

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Shame on me for never putting 2 & 2 together and realizing that Serch "discovered" Nas. Shame the fuck on me.

tem said...

spiff doesn't want his, apparently, so i am just adding his to 1st and 2nd.

blue said...

or you could just keep it for yourself for managing the league

tem said...

"Shame on me for never putting 2 & 2 together and realizing that Serch "discovered" Nas."

::blank stare::

blue said...

i'll email you my address

tem said...

"or you could just keep it for yourself for managing the league"

nah. that is illegal.

tem said...

i should buy 2,000 shares of Lov Inc with it.

blue said...

no, it's not illegal, we weren't gambling

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"nah. that is illegal."


Its a private debt for services rendered.

tem said...

i'll send it to el pad and he can make us a fortune gambling.

it can be the start of his "stocks and gambling" investment account.

send him cash. he invests it in stocks or gambles on footyball. he collects his fee and you watch your money grow.

JFreak said...

For like two hours last night, lordzofvengeance.com was redirecting to google.

It was weird. All the other lov sites were fine.

blue said...

stocks and gambling fund...i have somethign like that in my 401k

tem said...

i'd invest in a stocks and gambling fund.

blue said...

i think the gambling portion is ran by SH

blue said...

or cmeltardo...whichever you prefer

I love Gollum said...

"send him cash. he invests it in stocks or gambles on footyball. he collects his fee and you watch your money grow."

brilliant!

tem said...

it is wierd that both freak and blue asked me to send their money to the same address in Georgia.

blue said...

don't question it tem, just go with it

tem said...

checks are already in the mail.

don't know why the "pay to" line had to be "Elizabeth's House of Pleasure" but whatever.

blue said...

it was worth $60

tem said...

hmm, freak must have rode the ride a couple times then.

tem said...

when does el pad find out about his job with the frenchies?

blue said...

he had to have extra instruction due to lack of experience, higher rate

I love Gollum said...

"when does el pad find out about his job with the frenchies?"

sometime this week i would imagine

tem said...

frenchie thing has been in the works for awhile.

seems like a long ass process.

blue said...

those things take a long time

tem said...

LMC

blue said...

TWSS

I love Gollum said...

yup, they take forever but monday was the 2nd time i went to interview, saw three different people

blue said...

i hate the whole process

blue said...

a good answer from ru paul

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"yup, they take forever but monday was the 2nd time i went to interview, saw three different people"


They're just stringing you along, and then will hire a completely unqualified woman.

I love Gollum said...

"They're just stringing you along, and then will hire a completely unqualified woman."

likely

blue said...

either that, or they'll surrender to a german candidate

blue said...

maybe it helps that you work for a german bank...they're scurred

Keith S said...

"no responsibility"

Maybe I should sue Citi for giving me a $10k visa when I was 19

Tyler said...

Ah, October 1st, I can finally upgrade my crappy phone. Stupid Razr.

Keith S said...

wall

Jugdish said...

H has been back in school

I love Gollum said...

whoever has me in the death pool pay attention

i cannot come up with the money i owe the barber this week. maybe not ever, see my slush fund (credit card) has reached it's limit and they wont extend me anymore credit, i have no (hidden)money to pay down the bill so there's that

it was a good run

Jugdish said...

Shamrock says he is going to shave Kimbo's beard in the octogon after he wins this Saturday.

Jugdish said...

it was a good run


rut roh!

Jugdish said...

How much do you owe?

Watch out for the sock full of pennies.

I love Gollum said...

"How much do you owe?"

$977

I love Gollum said...

I blame andy reid and mike tice

Keith S said...

jesus

Jugdish said...

if you get to pay that off...try bodog from now on. safer

Jugdish said...

what day does he collect?

I love Gollum said...

man sucker punches woman at mcdonalds cuz he was "first"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

EP, can I have your 360?

I love Gollum said...

"what day does he collect?"

this friday

blue said...

see, the credit crunch is effecting main street

this is what happens when bailout plans don't get passed

isiah thomas said...

sell the baby EP

Jugdish said...

This doesn't do much to lend credibility to your weekly gambling column you know.

isiah thomas said...

nice post T

isiah thomas said...

I've got a Razr...don't like it.

Jugdish said...

how much are you short on the 977?

JFreak said...

sell a kidney.

isiah thomas said...

man sucker punches woman at mcdonalds cuz he was "first"

she got knocked the fuck out

Jugdish said...

Organize an all male car wash with gollum

I love Gollum said...

"EP, can I have your 360?"

i guess so

isiah thomas said...

EP - do you go tell him you're short or avoid him?

I love Gollum said...

"how much are you short on the 977?"

977

isiah thomas said...

EP do a hit for him, that should settle the debt.

I love Gollum said...

"EP - do you go tell him you're short or avoid him?"

I'm telling him today I'm short, that i need time. But he'll shut me down, my only way of making the money is by gambling. Might not make sense but that's how i've been rolling for like 2 years now.

Jugdish said...

Might not make sense but that's how i've been rolling for like 2 years now.



No wonder you're in favor of the bailout!

blue said...

"I've got a Razr...don't like it."

i had one for 2 years, it was ok

Keith S said...

Cash out your 401k

Jugdish said...

How long do you think it'll take you to come up with the money?

I love Gollum said...

"EP do a hit for him, that should settle the debt."

different barber, new guy, no idea what's gonna happen

blue said...

sell some of your kids toyz

blue said...

executive decision:

EP can use the lov,inc money from google ads, it should be up to $977 by now

I love Gollum said...

"Cash out your 401k"

wife would find out. wife cant find out.

I love Gollum said...

"EP can use the lov,inc money from google ads, it should be up to $977by now"

I'm trying this, they are supposed to be mailing me the pin number for the account info.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I'm telling him today I'm short, that i need time. But he'll shut me down, my only way of making the money is by gambling. Might not make sense but that's how i've been rolling for like 2 years now."



Don't tell him!

Tyler said...

"I've got a Razr...don't like it."

Yeah, worst phone ever. It's been on it's last legs for about two months and it's been a pain in the ass. It barely limped across the finish line. Just watch the battery life Zeke, I was getting about eight hours off of a full charge this last month. Terrible.

tem said...

fuck 10 ugly women.

isiah thomas said...

EP - Right (hgh) a computer program that skims the fractional sense (hdh) off of you're (hdh) companies bank transactions and put them into your own account. I've heard this works.

Tyler said...

El P, roll a couple of bums and take their cash. Then go to the racetrack and double your money.

isiah thomas said...

EP - "I have no legs"

panhandle

tem said...

el pad is gonna hit up a payday loan place.

blue said...

"I was getting about eight hours off of a full charge this last month. Terrible."

my wife was having same issues with Razr...i never had that problem...hit or miss, i guess.

isiah thomas said...

Just watch the battery life Zeke, I was getting about eight hours off of a full charge this last month. Terrible.

my phone goes in cycles, the battery will work fine then for a few weeks I get less than a day out of it. I just keep it plugged in when I'm home.

tem said...

"El P, roll a couple of bums and take their cash. Then go to the racetrack and double your money."

how is he gonna get the other $975 he needs?

I love Gollum said...

i was thinking of fucking up a bum but they be crazy you

blue said...

hgh is hdh

Tyler said...

Negotiate with the French Bank, get a "you must pay for my gambling debts if I'm short" clause in there. Or get a signing bonus.

tem said...

maybe there is a talent show where the top prize is $977. you can enter it and win the money.

isiah thomas said...

aren't there a lot of fountains in NYC?

no shame in ya game kid!

I love Gollum said...

i wish the old barber was still around, he'd eat this shit for me like it was nothing

isiah thomas said...

Call up 97.7 FM to win 977$

Tyler said...

RE: suckapunch vid-e-yo. It happened on Crenshaw, that's how they roll in the 'Shaw.

isiah thomas said...

#3 and blood donations kid, do it

I love Gollum said...

sperm banks
how much do you get
anyone ever do this?

isiah thomas said...

between #3 and blood donations, bum fights and fountain diving I think you could get 977$ by Friday.

ns

tem said...

plasma donations are the better for cash.

isiah thomas said...

sperm banks
how much do you get
anyone ever do this?

bleu how much did you get?

tem said...

then hit up the local university and enter some sort of study where they give you cash to take some secret drug.

blue said...

sperm bank is a drawn out process, probably won't get you paid this week

blue said...

i looked into it in college, found out all the hassle it was, and gave up.

isiah thomas said...

rob a good tourist

I love Gollum said...

i dont have 4 to 6 weeks mannnnnn

tem said...

you can also donate bone marrow. that brings in some cash, but takes longer than a week.


selling a kidney on the black market could work.

Tyler said...

Razr: I charged it Friday night, full charge, Saturday morning someone called me and it locked up for no reason. Had to take the battery out to reset it. Booted up, no battery bars, "Must Charge Battery" Warning came up. WFT? I threw it across the room. Stupid phone.

blue said...

"plasma donations are the better for cash."

did this, made about $50/week

tem said...

tell the barber about your sperm bank plan. i am sure he will wait for the cash to roll in.

isiah thomas said...

rob a gook tourist

*fixed

tem said...

sell your wedding ring and tell the wife you lost it.

I love Gollum said...

muggin someone just complicates things, by and by if i get caught the creek of shit gets deeper

blue said...

tem has good idears

Tyler said...

"rob a good tourist"

Seriously, take the day off and hang out in Times Square.

isiah thomas said...

get on "who want's to be a milly-yonaire"

Tyler said...

Can you cash out vacation and/or sick days?

isiah thomas said...

sell a pound of oregano

Jugdish said...

How long will it take you to come up with the money?

Jugdish said...

steal a bums cart of cans and cash in for the money

tem said...

collect aluminum cans and turn them in.

isiah thomas said...

If NYU has dorms roam the halls and try to randomly break into rooms and steal computers/tvs.

I love Gollum said...

"sell your wedding ring and tell the wife you lost it."

terriffic idea

isiah thomas said...

aluminum can i2i

extremely rare

tem said...

wow i2i aluminum cans for cash.

Jugdish said...

"at 10 cents a bottle and 5 cents a can, WE'RE PULLIN IN 500 DOLLARS A MAN!"

isiah thomas said...

the "how did you lose it" answer must be rock solid though.

we can help.

I love Gollum said...

"How long will it take you to come up with the money?"

i dont know, depends on where it's coming from

i may sell my wedding ring, i also have a breacelet i dont wear, that shit is nice too

isiah thomas said...

if it was colder you could incorporate piss ice into your lost wedding ring story

"I slipped on pissice and it fell off into the gutter"

Jugdish said...

So your wife would notice if you hit up your 401k, but not notice the missing wedding ring?

isiah thomas said...

aluminum can i2i, i2i

never seen before, they'll still be talking about this in 20 years.

tem said...

sell some of your wife's jewelry that she never wears.

by the time she notices it is gone she will assume she lost it.

I love Gollum said...

bracelet idea is good, but that's cant be more than $200

it's a rope gold chain bracelet, 14 karat, i'm gonna have to go on lunch to diamond district

tem said...

mow your neighbor's lawns or take up a paper route.


deliver pizza and make sexy time with the customers for extra cash.

isiah thomas said...

by the time she notices it is gone she will assume she lost it.


if she notices tell her you took it so you knew her ring size, etc. Then when you were at the store you traded it in and put a nice piece on layaway.

done and done

I love Gollum said...

"So your wife would notice if you hit up your 401k, but not notice the missing wedding ring?"

i'll tell her i lost it
it's been too tight on me and i've been taking it off, i can tell her i took it off, put it in my pocket and it must have slipped out

tem said...

siphon gas from cars and take it to GA to sell.

Jugdish said...

gotchya

isiah thomas said...

then in 3 months when she remembers and axes about the layaway thing you say "Oh they went out of bi-niss and took my money, damn gooks"

foolproof

I love Gollum said...

"mow your neighbor's lawns or take up a paper route."

what's a lawn?

Jugdish said...

You only have to get a hair over 19,000 cans for the 977.

isiah thomas said...

deliver pizza and make sexy time with the customers for extra cash.

Original Make Sexy Time Pizza

brilliant tem

I love Gollum said...

i can fuck old ladies for thousands
escort service

tem said...

start your stocks and gambling business.

use the initial funds to pay off your debt.

isiah thomas said...

become a limo driver and steal peoples luggage. hopefully they have some good shit inside.

Jugdish said...

steal gollum's lunch money

Jugdish said...

older

Jugdish said...

new?

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