Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Just Die, Victorino.

This is a little late, but I'm going to write about it anyway; Shane Victorino is a whinny-ass bitch. Yeah, Rev, I said it. Dude gets thrown at, and, obviously the ball got away from Kuroda, it sailed over his head, no big deal. I mean, Kuroda barely speaks english, so even if Torre called for bean ball, chances are Kuroda wouldn't know what to do anyway. So a ball goes WAY over Victorino's head and he thinks they're trying to throw at him. He backs out of the box and starts talking yelling, "If you're gonna throw at me brah, throw at my body, not my head, brah. At my body, braddah, not my head. Shaka.". He ends up hitting a grounder and gets thrown out at first, but he continues jawing at Kuroda and the benches clear. You stay classy, Victorino. Loney got a ball thrown at his eyeball Monday night. He barely got out of the way, but you know what he did? He took a breath, stepped back in the box and went about his business. It's called BEING A PROFESSIONAL. Take some notes, Shane; you douche-nozzle.

I can only hope that the Phillies trot out Jamie Moyer for the next three consecutive games. That is pretty much our only hope of winning this series.

The only upside is that the Douche Sox probably won't be playing for the Championship. Praise Allah.

So I was at a bar with my girlfriend for Game 1 of the NLCS. There was a group of guys at the table next to us and I think they were meeting up for a bachelor party. So there were guys meeting other guys for the first time and of course the "Do you like sports?" question comes up and since the Dodger game was on, and they were asking everyone if they liked baseball. So one guy says, "I don't like sports with a lot of breaks in the action. That's why I like soccer." I overheard it and I turned to the dude and made a "what the hell are you talking about?" face. One of the guys saw me do it and then he said the exact thing I was going to say, which was, "The reason there's no breaks in the action in soccer is because there's no action to start with". Soccer fans, you die too. If I have to hear one more time about how soccer is the most popular sport in the world and how it's going to take over the U.S. any day now, blah, blah, blah, I'm going to plug in my toaster and take it with me to go take a bath. It's two+ hours of watching paint dry guys pass a ball back and forth. Just shut up already, soccer guy.

Magic Johnson joins ESPN, and ABC as an NBA studio analyst. Awesome. I can't wait. I love train wrecks.

Shockingly, Roy Williams was traded yesterday. I didn't think there was going to be any big deals going down, especially since the Lions just told Williams they weren't shopping him. But I guess when Jerry Jones calls you and he's been up for three days straight drinking Vodka-Red Bulls, you have to listen. Especially when he says the words 1st, 3rd and 6th.

This week's bad 80's song is Get Out Of My Dreams by Billy Ocean. Featured prominently in the 1988 classic, License to Drive. This song is almost as bad as Never Gonna Give You Up. In fact, that should be the next internet phenomenon; You Got Billy Ocean'd beeatch!

That's all I've got.

409 comments:

1 – 200 of 409   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

I really like the "just die" theme for the week.

El Padrino said...

awesome 80's song
i woke up wondering which one you were going to post

NS

I thought for a minute you'd go scarface on a brother, a little

SHE'S ON FIIIREE!!!!

My job is a scam! said...

Roy Williams trade screams desperation.

My job is a scam! said...

playoff baseball in Tampa

tem said...

another solid post for Tyler.

he is an all star.

blue said...

Ed McMahon is a rapper now...

raps for the label Freecreditreport.com...

tem said...

soccer is the worse.

tem said...

softball update:

4 for 5.

the 1 out was a killer though. i suck.

also i slid and tore up my leg. i need to wear pants if i am going to slide or just stop sliding if i am going to keep wearing shorts.

and i fell down in the outfield. hilarity ensued, but somehow i caught the ball anyway.

then we went drinking. by far the best part of softball.

tem said...

"Ed McMahon"

i am rather shocked he is still alive. is he like 120 years old now?

My job is a scam! said...

If you're sliding in co-ed softball you're trying too hard. Dial it down a notch.

tem said...

cnn has a vid e o link that says "'Marcia Brady' tells of trading sex for drugs "

someone watch it and tell me about it. i can't watch cnn videos at work. they don't work for me.

tem said...

"If you're sliding in co-ed softball you're trying too hard"

i know, i just can't help myself. anytime there is a play at a base i slide, it is instinct. well not first base. anyway, i am not even running that hard, but i slide anyway.

blue said...

slide head first...take out the catcher

My job is a scam! said...

You're not going to run over the chick playing catcher are you?

My friend who pitches for our team told a girl playing catcher "If you don't need me to cover the plate for you, you don't need to be playing catcher."

blue said...

"someone watch it and tell me about it"

yep, she says she traded sex for drugs

blue said...

"You're not going to run over the chick playing catcher are you?"

depends on how big she is...i don't want to hurt myself

tem said...

"slide head first"

this is probably what i will end up doing.

"If you don't need me to cover the plate for you, you don't need to be playing catcher."

truer words...

blue said...

co-ed softball should have wiffleball rules for homeplate...if the ball beats you to the base you're out...it's only fair

tem said...

i don't think i have had a play at the plated where a girl was catching the ball.

the chick catcher always hides in the corner and either the first baseman or pitcher takes the throw.

blue said...

pitching rules:

hit the plate for a strike or actual judgement call by umpire?

blue said...

rays are the better

blue said...

if i have to here* one more time about how the sawks have come back from being down 3-1 before, i'm going to shoot el tardo

My job is a scam! said...

co-ed softball should have wiffleball rules for homeplate...if the ball beats you to the base you're out...it's only fair



Most of the time the ball hits the fence when thrown in anyways.

Keith S said...

""slide head first"

this is probably what i will end up doing."


Just get a sliding pad. You put it on whichever leg gets torn up when you slide, and you can still wear jorts

My job is a scam! said...

pitching rules:

hit the plate for a strike or actual judgement call by umpire?



Co-ed is judgement call. Men's league if it hits the plate.

Beth said...

Blue, did you know the Sox have come down from 3-1 before?

There you go, now you have your mission...

My job is a scam! said...

Just get a maxi pad. You put it on whichever leg gets torn up when you slide, and you can still wear jorts



fixed

Keith S said...

Wow, I haven't heard a maxi pad joke in a minute

Keith S said...

btw.... solid post, Tyler

My job is a scam! said...

hungover ------------------>




slightly

My job is a scam! said...

That is not the same without Rev's pic.

tem said...

"hit the plate for a strike or actual judgement call by umpire?"

if it hits the plate it is a ball. unless it just hits the black part of the plate, then it is a strike.

i don't understand it, but that is how all the umps here call it.

El Padrino said...

"Drunk tries to hijack Turkish Airlines passenger jet"

I would strongly advise NOT to do this.

tem said...

"Just get a sliding pad."

::blank stare::

blue said...

"if it hits the plate it is a ball. unless it just hits the black part of the plate, then it is a strike."

there are some leagues where the plate is oversized and the pitch has to hit it in order to be called a strike

tem said...

never seen an oversized plate in these parts.

My job is a scam! said...

there are some leagues where the plate is oversized and the pitch has to hit it in order to be called a strike


our men's league is like that...

Our ump in the co-ed league will call phantom foul tips for girls who cannot hit at all. Its when he makes those calls that they end up blooping one over the infield.

tem said...

our umps are usually about 85 years old and if the pitch comes in and you don't swing and you stand there he calls a strike.

if the pitch comes in and you don't swing, but you start walking down to first he calls a ball.

unless it hits the plate, he can usually hear that.

blue said...

"if the pitch comes in and you don't swing, but you start walking down to first he calls a ball."

even if it's ball 1?

tem said...

"even if it's ball 1?"

the league now is a 1 pitch "Texas Shootout" league.


Summer league umps are the better.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

In our Highschool league, Deluxe & one of our old gal friends both ran over some douchebag at the plate. I felt terrible for the guy.

El Padrino said...

"The Giants’ reportedly offered a sixth-round pick for his services"

Tony G was almost a ny giant

My job is a scam! said...

In our Highschool league, Deluxe & one of our old gal friends both ran over some douchebag at the plate. I felt terrible for the guy.



Like George Costanza running over Bette Midler?

blue said...

that's old skool seinfeld

blue said...

"Tony G was almost a ny giant"


::blank stare::

El Padrino said...

Tony Gonzalez, the tight end.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Like George Costanza running over Bette Midler?"



::blank stare::

El Padrino said...

oh lordie

wash giving 7 to clevland
what if the browns show up again?
7 is a steal

My job is a scam! said...

Iraq didn't attack us



s

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"never seen an oversized plate in these parts."


You've never seen the orange extension that goes on the back of the plate?

My job is a scam! said...

I assume Meiz has a similar list

tem said...

"what if the browns show up again?
7 is a steal"


what if they don't?

My job is a scam! said...

I like to think that I have an 'i' for detail

tem said...

"'ve never seen the orange extension that goes on the back of the plate?"

negative. i never even knew such a plate existed.

i've seen the first base with basically two bases. a white one for the defender and an orange one for the runner.

El Padrino said...

skins are like 2-40 ATS when favored

they havent covered a spread as a home favorite in like 4 years

El Padrino said...

they are point hounds

like keef

El Padrino said...

"WAS are 2-10-1 ATS vs. a team with a losing record."

troof

tem said...

so they are due to cover right?

tem said...

what is cleveland ATS after a big win?

(insert has cleveland had a big win before joke here)

El Padrino said...

"CLE are 13-3 ATS vs. a team with a winning record."

Booya!

tem said...

so they are due for a loss?

tem said...

also that doesn't answer what they are after a big win.

tem said...

i realize getting an ATS for "after a big win" might be unpossible*

blue said...

"never seen an oversized plate in these parts."


words rev has never said

Beth said...

All of the softball talk = ::blank stare:: for me.

I've been asked a few times to be on coed teams but don't want to be the clueless girl striking out 5 times a game.

Steve said...

Kobe offered 80mil to play for the greeks.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Here, Tem

tem said...

now i have seen a picture of one.

nice idea.

blue said...

stevefast

Keith S said...

"if it hits the plate it is a ball. unless it just hits the black part of the plate, then it is a strike."

Our league has the black mat behind the plate, and if the ball hits the plate or the mat, it's a strike. We also have the white/orange bag at 1st base

tem said...

i don't mean a black mat behind the plate. i mean the inch wide black rubber trim around the plate.

tem said...

it isn't a strike if it hits the black trim at the front of the plate. just on the sides and in the back.

Keith S said...

"i don't mean a black mat behind the plate. i mean the inch wide black rubber trim around the plate."

The black mat we have is like that plate extension that mize linked. Exact* that it's black, not white

tem said...

like the black trim on this on

Keith S said...

Don't all home plates have a black border?

tem said...

on this on is HDH

tem said...

"Don't all home plates have a black border?"

the one in the picture meiz linked did not.

Keith S said...

"the one in the picture meiz linked did not."

It had the same border, it just wasn't black

tem said...

yeah, so it didn't have a black border.

El Padrino said...

playing football >>> playing basketball>>> playing softball

Keith S said...

Not gambling >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> owing the barber $1000 of money I don't have

El Padrino said...

I know i know but hear me out a minute. EB White wrote a essay about NYC in 1949, I love it and it's the most accurate description of nyc i've ever seen. You guys should look it up or something. If your bored, but anyway this is an excerpt (fucking incredble and spooky) :

"The subtlest change in New York is something people don't speak much about but that is in everyone's mind. The city, for the first time in its long history, is destructible. A single flight of planes no bigger than a wedge of geese can quickly end this island fantasy, burn the towers, crumble the bridges, turn the underground passages into lethal chambers, cremate the millions. The intimation of mortality is part of New York now: in the sounds of the jets overhead, in the black headlines of the latest edition."

Keith S said...

NYC talk kilt LoV

El Padrino said...

ah shit

spaceman spiff said...

saw a wreckers music video, michelle branch is still hot

spaceman spiff said...

other chick looks like a tard in the up close face shots

isiah thomas said...

wash giving 7 to clevland
what if the browns show up again?
7 is a steal

This talk needs to stop EP.

isiah thomas said...

tem said...
soccer is the worse.

October 15, 2008 9:36 AM

=

softball talk

isiah thomas said...

Get out of my dreams......and into my carrrr


nice post T

isiah thomas said...

"just die week" on LOV greater > shark week

isiah thomas said...

24 oz porterhouse last night....don't even trip

El Padrino said...

wash giving 7 to clevland
what if the browns show up again?
7 is a steal

This talk needs to stop EP."

gun to your head, would you lay the 7?

isiah thomas said...

skins will cover 7

isiah thomas said...

the smoker lady in the other half of my office is coughing up a fucking lung today non-stop.

why do people still smoke?

My job is a scam! said...

why do people still smoke?


No kidding. There is a lady in my office who doesn't have a full jaw and she smokes. I don't know if the two are related, but it certainly can't help.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

because its delicious

isiah thomas said...

Cle +7 seems like a Vegas trap line to me.

everyone will jump on Cle, let's see if that line moves down.

Vegas knows all.

spaceman spiff said...

"because its delicious"

you cant claim you dont lie, anymore

isiah thomas said...

because its delicious

a 24 oz porterhouse is delicious
lobster is delicious
a hot chick sitting on your face is delicious
a cold Bud Light on a hot day is delicious

smoking....notsomuch

My job is a scam! said...

its delicious if you like the taste of ass

My job is a scam! said...

What are the odds the Lions draft 4 WR with the draft picks they got from the Cowboys?

El Padrino said...

awesome, spiff check it out you love this stuff

spaceman spiff said...

0%, millen is gone

El Padrino said...

smoking is disgusting and retarded

Keith S said...

From lovad...

"summer teeth

::blank stare::"


Summer yellow, summer missing, summer sideways

blue said...

punky brewster

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"you cant claim you dont lie, anymore"


Yes I can. Its an opinion.

My job is a scam! said...

"In the 2006 NFC Championship Game, people were telling the Saints that the Bears were going to finish what Katrina started."


YES!

blue said...

who is katrina

Keith S said...

Crazy bastard

El Padrino said...

fuck chad ford is writing shit again

My job is a scam! said...

I like how they say "Don't try this at home"

Well I just happened to have a couple of cranes in my front yard, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Keith S said...

Oops

tem said...

"saw a wreckers music video"

they broke up. the other chick was a loser and michelle figured it out.

My job is a scam! said...

under 18

El Padrino said...

i sent zorse force a trade offer in yahoo

tem said...

i think in yahoo i have homo.

i wonder who my backup is.

El Padrino said...

meiz is an aethiest

isiah thomas said...

I'm pleased with how Prince's Backpussy has been performing.

El Padrino said...

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

isiah thomas said...

that can't be real

My job is a scam! said...

Zorse Force is mulling trade offer.

El Padrino said...

ok

thanks and come again

El Padrino said...

this is not a lending library

El Padrino said...

serena williams FAT ASS

i think it's safe for work

My job is a scam! said...

My company doesn't think its safe for work.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Serena looks like a man

El Padrino said...

that ass is huge

El Padrino said...

you would totally be in that meiz
dont even front

tem said...

for beth

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"you would totally be in that meiz
dont even front"


I like Venus way more.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem, I'm pretty sure wackin' it at work is against company policy

tem said...

choosing between venus and serena is like choosing between either getting full blown HIV or pancreatic cancer.

you can't win either way.

El Padrino said...

Now, my mom had another kid by the dude she was moving to Miami with whose name is “Blue” living with us in Tampa. So when she ran off, she left me and my stepbrother Blue with the dude’s mother. The dude’s mother called my father and said, “I’m going to give you a second chance to be a father.”


Nice work Blue

tem said...

"Tem, I'm pretty sure wackin' it at work is against company policy"

huh?

Beth said...

re: for beth

I appreciate the concern there Tem, but I actually like my boobs the way they are.

But here is an article for you...

Keith S said...

aethiest is awesome

Keith S said...

On this day in 1988...

In the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs, the injured Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Kirk Gibson cracked a dramatic pinch-hit home run to win Game 1 of the World Series

tem said...

is the article SFW? i can guess what it is about.

tem said...

"Nice work Blue"

isn't blue just the innocent step brother in that story?

Beth said...

"is the article SFW? i can guess what it is about."

Well there are no pictures in the article if that's what you're asking. But you probably wouldn't want a co-worker to see you reading it. :-)

(Yeah, your guess of what it's about is probably right.)

El Padrino said...

no blue and gil's mom had a kid

Keith S said...

Can I count on a live blogging of the debate tonight?

tem said...

i'll read it when i get home.

tem said...

hmm, DOW down 520 today.

wtg el pad.

Beth said...

"i'll read it when i get home"

Make sure you have a pad and pen nearby.

El Padrino said...

retail sales are down

shocker

fucking morons

Keith S said...

A maxi pad?

tem said...

a sliding pad?

Keith S said...

""Just get a sliding pad."

::blank stare::"


duh

JFreak said...

an el pad?

Keith S said...

a *wall pad

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

People are morons today.


And I can't stand the fucking Russians today.

Keith S said...

What did the Ruskies do to you?

Tyler said...

There is NO WAY the following is cumfastery:

Jean Claude Van Damme is Jean Claude Van Damme in JCVD.

It's 100% real.

And it will be 110% awesome.

Tyler said...

I just wish I had found out about the JCVD video before I posted.

Keith S said...

Between his tax problems and his legal battle with his wife for the custody of his daughter, these are hard times for the action movie star who finds that even Steven Seagal has pinched a role from him! In JCVD, Jean-Claude Van Damme returns to the country of his birth to seek the peace and tranquility he can no longer enjoy in the United States.


Awesome

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"What did the Ruskies do to you?"


They speak broken English, and don't compute the things we say to them. some fat Russian bitch send a fax and started to raise holy hell because it wasn't free. Bossman had to smack that bitch down.

Tyler said...

Yes, it will be awesome. I will see it drunk just in case I'm wrong.

My job is a scam! said...

I didn't know there was so many Russians in Wisconsin.

Keith S said...

We have a Russian chick here and she's smoking hot. So all I can say is....rome

Tyler said...

RE: Ruskies

You should have done a round-house kick above her head to show her that you could really f her up if you wanted to. It's called, "WWJCVDD".

My job is a scam! said...

Meiz might get him a mail order bride from Russia.

My job is a scam! said...

I would pay good money to see Meiz do a round house kick like that.

Tyler said...

"I would pay good money to see Meiz do a round house kick like that."

Cue mize with a "I was purple belt in karate when I was 12 and Chuck Norris wanted me to star as his long lost son on Walker, Texas Ranger" comment.

Tyler said...

Was that too smarmy?

tem said...

he wanted him to star in "Top Dog" with him.

Keith S said...

Pecos, Sconnie Liar

tem said...

you can't make fun of Walker Texas Ranger.

My job is a scam! said...

Someone fire off the Deluxe bat signal


i bet he could do a round house kick

Keith S said...

"i bet he could do a round house kick"

Well he's round, and big as a house. I imagine he could kick

Tyler said...

Oh, wait a sec, he had a screen test for Sidekicks, but he turned it down because it didn't pay enough so the roll went to Jonathan Brandis instead.

Tyler said...

*role

Tyler said...

roll is some nice mid-day HDH

Keith S said...

roll dog

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I didn't know there was so many Russians in Wisconsin."


Tons

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Karate is for fruits

My job is a scam! said...

Victorino and his spam

My job is a scam! said...

As you might know, PETA has named Citizens Bank Ballpark the Most Vegetarian Friendly Ballpark two years in a row for its astounding variety of protein-packed, delicious animal-friendly fare, including mock-chicken sandwiches, "crab-free crab cakes," Philly faux-steak sandwiches, veggie dogs, and flame-grilled Gardenburgers!



I bet that pisses Rev off.

El Padrino said...

poor piggies

tem said...

it is for rev's wife.

he demanded they do that so he could still go to games.

tem said...

"We suspect that the cruelty in every can of Spam will infuriate Shane more than a high Hiroki Kuroda fastball," says Dan Shannon, PETA's assistant director, in a note. "If Shane likes Spam a lot, he should buy tickets to the Broadway play but leave it off his dinner plate."



Jesus Chris, I bet it took that douche 12 hours to come up with those lines.

My job is a scam! said...

she is a vegitarian?

tem said...

"A Phillies rep said he'd ask #8 for comment after the World Series... "


jinxes the phillies right there.

tem said...

"she is a vegitarian?"

actually i don't know.

Keith S said...

"I bet that pisses Rev off."

rev said he likes veggie burgers, I think

ns

tem said...

all i know is that she is Indian.

with a dot not a feather.

tem said...

rev likes all food.

Keith S said...

"jinxes the phillies right there."

He didn't say after the phillies win the World Series.

Keith S said...

rev mixes curry into his milk now.

tem said...

"He didn't say after the phillies win the World Series."

he kind of hinted that they'd be in it. which as of now they are not.

tem said...

he jinxes them against the dodgers.

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

Jinx!

Tyler said...

older

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