Monday, October 13, 2008

Just die, Boston

So here I am, taking over for mize. I have some huge pants to fill. But I’m not gonna use any gimmicks, I’m not posting any videos, and I will keep pictures to a minimum.
*Note – These rules might last for 2 weeks. But I can promise that I won’t be lazy and I won’t even quit.

Went and saw Neil freaking Diamond on Friday night. That man never fails to deliver. He’s like the anti-mize. He sang a lot of his new shit that I didn’t know, but he brought down the house with his classics. And there was an ishload of talent walking around. There are not many things that are funniest* then* seeing 50-60 year old women getting hammered and thinking that there* at a Neil concert, circa 1975. The only part that sucked was that in the row right behind us there were 5 Corkys with their handlers, and one of them pissed themselves halfway through the show, which was odorific. Yes, I know I’m going to hell, but IDGAF. If I have to suffer through that nonsense, than* I should be able to talk about it in unfriendly terms.

Apparently there was college fooyball* and baseball this weekend. I did not watch any college fooyball*, except for maybe 10 minutes of ASU/USC, which was atrocious. 3 of the top 4 teams lost, and the one that didn’t lose didn’t play. So now Texas is #1, which means that they will lose this coming weekend.

The Devil Rays beat Boston on Saturday night on a 150 foot sac fly where DJ Drew did his best Noodle Arm impression. I turnt* on the game in the bottom of the last inning, and I will not watch any more games on TBS. There* commentators are the worse*.

Their* was some pretty good NFL fooyball* on Sunday morning. Atlanta did everything they could to give the Bears a victory, but the Bears D just wouldn't have it. In other news, Dan Orlovsky had the most amazing safety that I’ve ever seen for the Lions. The Vikings won, but the win left a bad taste in kod’s mouth. Dude drinks Lysol and CL, but winning a game you shouldn’t of* won leaves a bad taste in your mouth? Stop it.
The ‘skins lost to the worse* NFL team in the last 10 years. The Cards beat the Cowboys, thanks to Tony Romo being Tony Romo. The Cards tried to give away this game too, but Romo was having none of that. And New England looked like shit. We need a lot more of that. This is the year that Boston chokes on a fat ding dong. Yeah, I said ding dong.
*Cue EP and his “LMC” comment

And finally, we had a softball doubleheader tonight. We won the first game by 15 and we lost the second game 25-24. I went 8 for 9 with a walk and 2 HR, but my 1 out was with guys on 2nd and 3rd in the bottom of the last inning, down 25-23. Pitiful. I should of* bought a round of beers for everyone. Should of*.

Anyway, I hope this was D- enough for you kids. Comment at your own risk…

470 comments:

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JFreak said...

no beth.

Beth said...

Yeah, some of us have real jobs and can't comment at 1:59 a.m.

Beth said...

And nice post Keith. (ns)

Jugdish said...

good win for the Falcons yesterday...very disappointing for the Bears.

Whats my name/pic for the next three days Beth?

blue said...

broncos are awful

blue said...

good first effort keith, but all the hdh and *'s sucked. quit trying so hard

blue said...

you suck

Jugdish said...

did meiz give up Mondays?

blue said...

buy, buy, buy sucks

blue said...

yeah meiz sucked

blue said...

anyone who wants randy moss in either fNFL league...send me an offer.

blue said...

google sucks

Beth said...

"Whats my name/pic for the next three days Beth?"

Damn, I knew I was forgetting something this morning. Give me a few minutes to think something up.

blue said...

i think i'd let sarah palin abuse her authority on me...it wouldn't suck

blue said...

*"abuse her authority"

blue said...

when i ask "how was your weekend"

I don't really want an answer, say "good" and be on your way

Jugdish said...

I hate when people walk in my cube right after i fart

tem said...

good post, too much HDH.

Beth said...

Well my creativity is missing this morning jug, so here's the best I could come up with.

Your new name is "My job is a scam!" and HERE is your pic. (The hdh in the pic wording is a nice bonus at least.)

My job is a scam! said...

testies

My job is a scam! said...

The only good thing from the Bears losing is the tits didn't go away.

tem said...

HDH sign at Gyro stand at the OSU game:

"Our Gyros are better then sex!!"

tem said...

"The only good thing from the Bears losing is the tits didn't go away."

you could have changed her pics to different tits.

Steve said...

Isn't it about time for a new pic beth?

Your current picture is starting to feel like a long term girlfriend or wife after i've lost interest in seeing her naked.

My job is a scam! said...

i've lost interest in seeing her naked.



fag

Beth said...

"Your current picture is starting to feel like a long term girlfriend or wife after i've lost interest in seeing her naked."

Hey, if boobs bore you I think that's more your problem than mine...

blue said...

shut it steve

blue said...

steve is that guy who won't get a lap dance at the strip club because he's "already seen that"

Steve said...

let some of the married fold come on. they'll know what i'm talking about.

Steve said...

*folk

blue said...

i'm married and i like looking at tits

My job is a scam! said...

me too

My job is a scam! said...

hell of a catch by Tidwell in that Cards game yesterday

Steve said...

looks like i'm alone on this one.

I guess i'm the only guy here that likes "new" boobs.

blue said...

hell, keely hazell has shown her tits a million times, and everytime there's a new photoshoot, i'm excited for it

Beth said...

New boobs for Steve.

sfw

blue said...

that's not safe for anything

blue said...

and how did you get meiz to pose for that photo?

Steve said...

so wrong.


so very very wrong.

My job is a scam! said...

you just made his day

My job is a scam! said...

was that meiz or deluxe? I get them confused

Beth said...

"and how did you get meiz to pose for that photo?"

I almost made a Meiz joke as part of it but figured I'd leave that fun for someone else.

blue said...

"I almost made a Meiz joke as part of it but figured I'd leave that fun for someone else."

it actually looks like he might have lost some weight

tem said...

meiz is going to kill you all.

i won't testify against him.

blue said...

i'm not afraid, he'll probably use a muzzle loader

My job is a scam! said...

He is too lazy to go on a killing spree.

My job is a scam! said...

...especially one involving multiple states.

Beth said...

Meiz won't even go into town for bait, he's definitely too lazy to go around the country on a killing spree.

My job is a scam! said...

of course he if ever learns how to make mail bombs we could all be in trouble.

Steve said...

"lazy killing spree"

i don't know, he is an Obama supporter and everybody knows we are all terrorist cells lying low, waiting for orders.

blue said...

he was so awful at combat war, i dont' think he could shoot me anyway

My job is a scam! said...

good point steve

tem said...

i was adequate at combat warring.

My job is a scam! said...

I have nhever combat warred.

Keith S said...

"good post, too much HDH."

Duly noted, but I wasn't planning on doing that every week.

My job is a scam! said...

never even

tem said...

that's too bad.

tem said...

"but I wasn't planning on doing that every week."

posting or using so much HDH?

blue said...

yeah, combat war was fun whilst it lasted

Keith S said...

Ping pongers are the bigger troublemakers

Keith S said...

"posting or using so much HDH?"

HDH

My job is a scam! said...

"I am the famous Wang Hao! I am the world champion! Does it matter if I beat you?" shouted the 24-year-old, according to a witness quoted by the papers.



its fucking ping pong

blue said...

you should do movie reviews...

or even better handicap yesterday's games

Keith S said...

"or even better handicap yesterday's games"

I almost did that.

ns

tem said...

handicapping yesterday's games would have been great.

Keith S said...

"its fucking ping pong"

They don't do anything else well in China

blue said...

"They don't do anything else well in China"

diving, gymnastics, shuttlecock...all the other things they won all their gold medals in

Keith S said...

ok literal

blue said...

were you figuratively speaking?

blue said...

maybe we need a (fs)

blue said...

btw-

fuck columbus and this day

Keith S said...

mom and dad, this is chaisey
chaisey, this is my mom and dad
now show 'em them titties

Keith S said...

WWL comment -

"Everyone ... thinks Cards are a joke. Truth: They have a very explosive offense."


Truth: You're retarded

Keith S said...

It's kinda weird that we didn't see rev show up last night.




(S)

Keith S said...

Hopefully Tyler & spiff didn't get burnt in that LA fire

spaceman spiff said...

fires starting over here again, windy as fuck

Keith S said...

RIP EP

blue said...

so OK state is decent huh.

it gives me a reason to post this again.

"I'm a man!!! I'm 40!!!"

Keith S said...

China is also pretty good at building *wall(s)

Keith S said...

Blitler was in Houston this weekend?

spaceman spiff said...

theyre saying romo may be out a month with an injury on the dan patrick show, goign to elaborate later

that would be farking suite*

Keith S said...

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has a broken pinkie on his throwing hand and will be out four weeks, a team source told ESPN's Michael Smith.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Banks need to start making executive decisions on old people. Stop giving them 100$ bills.

No, ma'am. I'm not willing to cripple the drawer by making change for 100 on your five and a half dollar transactiom

Keith S said...

Post a sign that says no bills larger than $20

spaceman spiff said...

went to see joe rogan last night, was good, 2 of the openers were pretty hilarious

spaceman spiff said...

romo broken pinky on the throwing hand

FUCK YEA

Keith S said...

Is Rogan funny in stand-up?

spaceman spiff said...

hopefully it doesnt heal well and he sucks all season

Keith S said...

EP & blue need to join the FNBA league

isiah thomas said...

goddman redskins....I said GODDMAN REDSKINS.

isiah thomas said...

the ending to the Chi/Atl game probably made Beff's dick hard.


*thanks T

spaceman spiff said...

"Is Rogan funny in stand-up?"

hes funny, wasnt the funniest guy of the night though, pretty interesting dude cuz hes done a lot of psychedelic drugs, he'll ramble about shit and at the end he does like half an hour where people yell shit out and he'll talk about it

he's fucking short as hell

isiah thomas said...

nice work keef

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

An omlette maker? A fucking omlette maker, you simple bitch? Jeezus fucking christ.

spaceman spiff said...

"goddman redskins....I said GODDMAN REDSKINS."

you knew, i knew, we all knew that they werent going 3-0 against these 'cupcakes' - rams, browns, lions, just hope they pull out the next 2

blue said...

"EP & blue need to join the FNBA league"

what's the info

JFreak said...

did rogan talk about fear factor?

spaceman spiff said...

cowboys could lose 2 of their next 3, tampa and @gints

fucking gints pretty much have the division sewn up now unless they blow it, shit

spaceman spiff said...

he didnt talk about it until someone yelled it out at that end segment

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Post a sign that says no bills larger than $20"

Bossman is anti-sign. He gets pissy when we put a sign on the door that lets customers know that it swells in the sun.

isiah thomas said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...
An omlette maker? A fucking omlette maker, you simple bitch? Jeezus fucking christ.


Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm not an angry person at all.
September 8, 2008 1:03 AM

My job is a scam! said...

Whitlock hosting Rome today...just a reminder

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Why, you old bitch? Our greeting cards fucking suck! You were on your way out, and got sucked in by that pile of shit? Get out!

spaceman spiff said...

counting down to the 'cowboys should sign jeff george' segment

Keith S said...

"what's the info"

ID# 41192
PW is either "deluxeismize" or "mizeisdeluxe"

spaceman spiff said...

its disgusting that USC is still in a good position to make the title game

My job is a scam! said...

If I heard right Whitlock is going to interview Simmons today.

spaceman spiff said...

whitlock's mike gundy impression is fucking awful

blue said...

got it

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Meiz won't even go into town for bait, he's definitely too lazy to go around the country on a killing spree."

You underestimate my bottled up rage.

spaceman spiff said...

"You underestimate my bottled up rage."

so you fully admit youre an angry person now?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"so you fully admit youre an angry person now?"

No. It was a joke.

spaceman spiff said...

ah, the case of the left out s

spaceman spiff said...

bwa(ll)hahaha

Keith S said...

Clemson fired Bowden

My job is a scam! said...

ass buffer job

tem said...

"Post a sign that says no bills larger than $20"

if you tell the cashier that your $100 isn't larger than a $20 it sometimes works. you can follow it up by telling them that it is the same size and that the purpose of the sign is because larger bills don't fit into the little trays in the cash register.

tem said...

some chick just texted me.

She said "hey"


wft?

tem said...

oops actually it said "hey!"

forgot the exclamation point.

i bet she wants me to do something for her.

damn women.

My job is a scam! said...

who is the chick?

tem said...

hey Romo broke his pinkie.

blue said...

is it some chick you know?


is this your first text message ever.

do you even know how to text back?

tell her your name is textual chocolate.

tem said...

some chick i know.

tem said...

it is not my first text ever.

blue said...

i got a random text once from a chick i didn't know who axed if I was going to practice...i axed what she wanted me to practice

Beth said...

oops actually it said "hey!"

forgot the exclamation point.

i bet she wants me to do her.

*fixed

tem said...

ah she wants me to play softball.

tem said...

"i bet she wants me to do her."

except the except opposite.

like the complete opposite.

isiah thomas said...

it's the good egg waitress

isiah thomas said...

text her back with a "hey there"

heard that works well

isiah thomas said...

text her back:

"make sexy time? please advice"

blue said...

text her back with: LMC

tem said...

"it's the good egg waitress"

no, it is just some chick.

i would have said it was the good egg waitress if it were her.

tem said...

she must have today off work.

damn columbus day. 80% of the city is off work today.

isiah thomas said...

textual chocolate

got a little chuckle, almost a lol.

nice

tem said...

Big Brown hurt his foot, he is retiring to a career of fucking horse chicks and the occasional zebra and/or zorse.

My job is a scam! said...

Textuwall chocolate

Keith S said...

On this day in 1985...

Dallas Cowboys running back Tony Dorsett became the sixth player in National Fooyball history to rush for more than 10,000 career yards

Keith S said...

"damn columbus day. 80% of the city is off work today."

I thought everyone in Columbus got the day off

tem said...

"I thought everyone in Columbus got the day off"

not everyone.

Keith S said...

False advertising

Keith S said...

Jesus Chris

spaceman spiff said...

disgusting, i wonder if they dunks the pizza in water like they do hot dogs

Keith S said...

They dunk the buns in water

blue said...

EP could eat more pizza than that

Keith S said...

It was in Times Square. Maybe that's where EP is today

Keith S said...

Oh nevermind, it was yesterday

Keith S said...

Maybe he's recovering today

isiah thomas said...

I'm just glad an American is back on top of the competitive eating circuit.

NS

tem said...

maybe he is with the frenchies.

My job is a scam! said...

They never say what the rest of their day is like after those contests. I'd like to hear what the rest of his day was like after scarfing down 45 slices of pizza in 10 minutes.

Beth said...

It's probably a true version of what Meiz claims - bathroom trips in the double digits.

Keith S said...

hilarity

Keith S said...

mize said he wasn't a liar, though. He said he was fat and ghey, but not a liar

Steve said...

" after scarfing down 45 slices of pizza in 10 minutes."

i tried to Google the answer. After I found 3 or 4 sites that listed "competitive eating" as the greatest "sport" ever, i became angry and had to stop.

Beth said...

Liar, exaggerator, person who lives in his own world - it's all a matter of phrasing.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Liar, exaggerator, person who lives in his own world - it's all a matter of phrasing."


None of the above.

isiah thomas said...

All of the above.

*fixed

Keith S said...

I hope we don't see Mize Klebold

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

**None of the above.




fixed

Tyler said...

Wind be crazy over here, you.

Keith S said...

Need a little wind here!!!

My job is a scam! said...

Quit playing with yer dingy.

Keith S said...

Can always count on jug to get those quotes

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I can't believe I actually saw Tommy Boy in the theater.

isiah thomas said...

I hope we don't see Mize Klebold


planning and execution would be required for this....not exactly Deke's strongsuit.

Keith S said...

Tommy Boy is the better

blue said...

"I can't believe I actually saw Tommy Boy in the theater."

i can't believe it either, since the theater is in town.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"i can't believe it either, since the theater is in town."

I live in town.

Keith S said...

So go get some dam bait

isiah thomas said...

i can't believe it either, since the theater is in town.

Office Deke probably took young Mize to the theeater*.

isiah thomas said...

Officer Deke

*fixed

Tyler said...

Turns out that Monta Ellis hurt his ankle in a low speed moped accident. The Warriors are going to suspend him 30 games, which ends up costing him $3 million.

Way to go there, Monta.

Keith S said...

tyfast

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"So go get some dam bait"

perfect. I was waiting for that.


Bait is 2 towns away. Driving 15 to 20 minutes both ways is not worth the 2.99 I would spend on nightcrawlers.

Keith S said...

You never said that before. You said that it was in town.

isiah thomas said...

Well Chris* Ted, I was only 4 towns away.

Keith S said...

What's that from?

isiah thomas said...

WE GOT A BLEEDER!

Keith S said...

ah

Steve said...

Each Day Is Better Than The Next.

Keith S said...

Nice use of capitalization

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"You never said that before. You said that it was in town."

Negative. Either you, zeke, blue, or EP said that.

Keith S said...

"Negative. Either you, zeke, blue, or EP said that."

Um, yeah, no

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Um, yeah. I've explained this in the past. You just prefer to use selective interweb hearing.

Steve said...

WV is starting to lean towards the brotha.

West Virginia!!!

Dear McCain:

na ne na na, hey hey hey, gooodbyyeee.

Sincerely,
53%

isiah thomas said...

Um, yeah. I've lied about this in the past. You just prefer to use selective interweb hearing.

*fixed

My job is a scam! said...

Steve probably has "Go Obama" written on the back window of his car in shoe polish.

isiah thomas said...

"Pickup Artist 2" was on last night.

Steve said...

"Pickup Artist 2"

any good. i liked the first one.

isiah thomas said...

I forgot to peep game but I'm sure it will be great.

Steve said...

why shoe polish?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Um, yeah. I've explained this in the past. You just prefer to use selective interweb hearing."


**fixed

My job is a scam! said...

you tell me...its your car

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Jeezaloo

blue said...

"because it's your dog"

spaceman spiff said...

who;s pushing

spaceman spiff said...

it

spaceman spiff said...

to

spaceman spiff said...

older

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