Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Ketchup

So catch me up here, egfdeke is preggos? Is this for real? I need to lay off the booze and start paying attention. If she is preggos does that make her bmdeke?

Anyway, I have shut my door here at work, I am grumpy as all can be. People are doing their normal shit that piss me off, except it is too early for that kind of crap. I just sent an email canceling some insurance policy we have because the construction boss told me there was no way we would still be working in TN after the end of this month. I axed him about extra parking and whether or not it would be done in time and he said we ain't doing no extra parking. So today he sends me an email saying we might do extra parking. No shit Sherlock, I am the one that told you that. And some lady emails me and tells me tax payments are due a week from Monday, what are the numbers? Fuck that they are due like 2 weeks from now. They are due a week from next monday, which itself is basically a week away. I am not even going to respond. Especially because she put that damn red exclamation point next to it like it was an important email. Fuck that red exclamation point, people who use it incorrectly should be stoned. Right in public too, which is really the only way to stone people (the stoning with actual rocks, not drugs).

Anyway, it is football season so not all is lost. Tem loves football season. It is basically the only sport he can talk very intelligently on. Tem knows what is going on with the other sports, but he really only understands football. Or at least he thinks he does. Also it makes him talk in the third person which is especially nice. So here are football thoughts, ala Skunkpatch's Ten Things or Whatever He Thinks:

1) Louisville is horrible. Their QB sucks. I know he lost like 99.8% of his receiving yards from last year, but damn he sucks. He throws the ball into traffic and he throws it late. That isn't the receivers fault, that is the fault of a sucky QB. Of course, it is guaranteed that he will throw for 500 yards against WVU.

2) Speaking of WVU saturday was a good day to be a fan. Nova put 9 in the box (cue Beth joke) and Coach Stew decided that throwing would be a good idea. Rich Rod runs the belly option into a 9 man front and Stew lets Pat White throw. I might like the Stew era. Also, Michigan lost and Pitt lost. Ha, eat a dick Mark May.

3) Speaking of Mark May, his buddy Lou Holtz might have gotten a little carried away about ECU totally outplaying Virginia Tech. I'm putting that loss on "Cho Hangover." Of course that is what I will put all VT losses on from now on. Anyway, Lou, I know your son coaches ECU, but damn you don't have to slob the team's knob that bad. Of course if they handle WVU this coming saturday then they are legit BCS busters. That assumes they roll through conference play (a HUGE assumption I know).

4) Thank you Mr. Bowden (Tommy) for letting us know that some things really are sure things in this world. It was just a matter of time before you choked and low and behold it was the first week!

5) WVU's pass defense is horrid. It is basically like mine when I play NCAA 09.

6) Syracuse might go 1 for the season.

7) I didn't watch a lot of football because I went to the OSU game. 20 rows up, 50 yard line, eat a dick haters. Anyway, I was sitting next to a bunch of doctors apparently because when Beanie hurt himself they were all saying he "definitely broke his ankle, that's a broken ankle for sure." So I know you have heard reports from ESPN and stuff that the X-Rays were negative, but don't buy that shit, the doctors who were sitting next to me diagnosed that shit from about 80 yards away.

8) Also one of these doctors was explaining to his kid what the OSU defense was doing. Here is a sampling of his pre snap explanation "see they are in cover 3, oh now they are rolling to 2, oh wait, now it is straight man, wait, they just shifted to man under 2 deep, now they are rolling to back to a cover 4, wait see the LB jump out there it is cover 3." The hilarious part is that all that was really happening was OSU was in a straight cover 3, but since they were so much better than YSU the CBs and LBs were having fun fucking around. It was 3 the whole time. This is why you generally want to read the safeties who don't really fuck around pre snap too much. Also sometimes it was a cover 7 or 5, I can't remember. It is where they play cover 3 on one side of the field (usually the wide side) and 2 on the other side.

OK, 8 footyball comments is enough. That's right Eight is Enough. (TWSS).

Here's a movie review, I didn't watch it, so neither should you:

The House Bunny

This is one of those damn talking animals movies. Basically some little kid gets a talking bunny. At first the dad doesn't let the bunny live inside, but then he realizes the thing can talk, so it is A OK. So the bunny moves in and does all sorts of hilarious things. He can open cans and use the oven and pretty much do everything that a bunny can't do. So instead of cashing in on a talking bunny the family just doesn't do that. But their neighbor wants to. Actually he wants to cut off the bunny's foot. He thinks that a lucky rabbit foot of a talking rabbit would be really lucky.

Well anyway, it turns out that the neighbor is a total redneck so instead of thinking of an elaborate plan to capture the bunny he just decides to shoot the fucker with a pellet gun. So that's what he does. The bunny dies and the guy gets his foot.

Really I am not sure why they made a children's movie like this. I think it is the new "Old Yeller."

1 helmet sticker out of 5. The CGI on the talking bunny was just horrid. Sometimes I thought they should have just spliced in some old Bugs Bunny images.

331 comments:

1 – 200 of 331   Newer›   Newest»
Dikembe Meiztombo said...

are we waiting for tits?

El Padrino said...

you ruined it already

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

that was the point.

El Padrino said...

and if you ever post your feet on this blog again i'm taking a fun fare to your house and we will slapbox until death

El Padrino said...

nice post, i felt your grumpyness in the first two paragraphs

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"and if you ever post your feet on this blog again i'm taking a fun fare to your house and we will slapbox until death"

Dude, that was just a random picture from this thing called the internets.

tem said...

tits doesn't work on tuesdays.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tits works 24/7

tem said...

i am grumpy fo sure.

tem said...

well she works 24/7 but her corner doesn't have wi-fi yet, so she can only blog when she is at the office.

Beth said...

My corner is actually getting wi-fi soon, as well as a dental plan. There are some businesses which aren't hurt by the bad economy.

tem said...

the oldest profession never is hurt by the economy.

Beth said...

And while this will almost certainly change next weekend, I'd like to point out that I'm first in both the golf and college football pick-em leagues right now. Shame on all of y'all...

Beth said...

Oh and before I forget, very nice movie review Tem. I like how grumpy tem killed off a pet in his review today.

tem said...

tits knows how to pick them.

Jugdish said...

Rev had some politial rants yesterday.

He has worries that Palin lead a state that has the population to that of San Jose. Biden is a senator in that metropolis known as Delaware.

Hello...we're in Delaware.

tem said...

grumpy tem was going to kill the whole house bunny family, but decided that seeing a little kid cry because they lost their talking bunny pet was funnier.

tem said...

it's sad that i basically watch these movies in my head. it is like saving 9 bucks.

tem said...

political talk was too real yesterday.

tem said...

VP with a preggo daughter is not too different thatn a VP with a lezbo daughter, except more of america can identify with the preggo daughter.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"so she can only blog when she is at the office."

in bed?

El Padrino said...

"Dude, that was just a random picture from this thing called the internets."

Paint yoruself lucky.

El Padrino said...

some jaguar got shot

El Padrino said...

Zimmerman picked an Eagles/Pats SB

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

cuz mcnabb said so?

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

tem said...

"in bed?"

maybe

tem said...

flacco is the answer.

El Padrino said...

who was the wilderbeast sideline reporting the UCLA game

good l0rd

tem said...

Fulmer's team has no discipline.

And his QB not putting his mouthpiece in pisses me off.

I thought the college kids were required to wear them.

tem said...

TN looked horrid. No mouthpiece for the QB, shirts untucked, helmets not strapped, they looked shitty. They need a little discipline.

Also they played really bad at times.

tem said...

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tem said...

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tem said...

2 walls

El Padrino said...

for the price of one

El Padrino said...

mornings are really sad here nowadays

tem said...

pretty much.

tem said...

i blame rev.

El Padrino said...

me too

El Padrino said...

and the time differences

tem said...

mccains VP looks like Tina Fey.

tem said...

fuck time zones.

El Padrino said...

NY crime is the most uniqueist

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fuck this being busy shit.

tem said...

"Police said they have no suspects at this time. "

tem said...

i just got a bill for my arena season tickets.

it says the payment is due on September 12th, 2009.

I think I might make them wait that long.

tem said...

jemele has some advice for merriman on the WWL.

i did not read it.

zeke, tell your girl she is a fucking moron.

El Padrino said...

you should

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I thought Tem was done with AFL

tem said...

tem is not done with AFL.

tem said...

but the AFL might not be happy about me holding them to their 2009 due date for my season ticket payment.

They should have thought about that before they paid.

tem said...

i mean before they sent the invoices out.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

If Tem's holding out on trying out for the destroyers, he could probably just drop my name & they'd give him a roster spot.

isiah thomas said...

He has worries that Palin lead a state that has the population to that of San Jose. Biden is a senator in that metropolis known as Delaware.


great point jug, if I'd have known who Joe Biden was I would have made this great point.

isiah thomas said...

I didn't see EA once this weekend - wft.

isiah thomas said...

I thought UCLA was going to get smoked, their pregrame entrance was a lazy, lackluster, unorganized kinda stroll onto the field then a "like, dude, maybe we should like, um, dude, run onto the, um field, dude"

isiah thomas said...

final fantasy draft is tonight - thank jeebus.

El Padrino said...

tn was awful, ucla stole that game

El Padrino said...

no ea, wft

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

TN ruined my uncle's parlay

Jugdish said...

I will agree with Kod, at least I think he made this point. I can watch these conventions and speeches and it won't tell me jack shit. All these candidates will do is say what they think we want to hear.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

My mom hooked up some good ass baked beans for yesterday. Tons of bacon chunks up in there.

Jugdish said...

...and did I understand Rev right when he said Obama was going to lay out all his views on the issues in a book?

You're better off staying away from the individual candidate websites and go to a neutral site to read about the issues.

"If I can change, and you can change....EVERYBODY CAN CHANGE!!!"

tem said...

"If Tem's holding out on trying out for the destroyers, he could probably just drop my name & they'd give him a roster spot."

tem thought about getting himself into shape and trying out.

then he decided he is too lazy.

tem said...

"All these candidates will do is say what they think we want to hear.
"

that's all they ever say. nobody has a plan. they say they have a plan, but they don't.

tem said...

lunch time.

Keith S said...

"It is basically like mine with I play NCAA 09"

HDH

Keith S said...

"and the time differences"

Time differences were the same when mornings were good.

Keith S said...

Voting kicks ass, right? Cuz, if Al Donnelly kicks ass...and if voting kicks ass...then you got some kick ass shit!

El Padrino said...

“I wish I were a horse—strong, free, my chestnut haunches glistening in the sun.”


Me and Alec Baldwin would be good friends

El Padrino said...

he's nuts

JFreak said...

MISSLE

isiah thomas said...

keef how was the talent at the asu game?

shots of the student section are always great.

isiah thomas said...

EP - 30 Rock, kid.

Alec Baldwin pulls off a great character in that show, hysterical.

Keith S said...

"keef how was the talent at the asu game?"

Jeezaloo, it's re-donk. We sit where the students enter the student section. And I think I watch about 50% of the game and the rest of the time is spent ogling the coeds.

Jugdish said...

I think Blacksheep was on TV all day yesterday.

Keith S said...

Black Sheep is underrated

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"Fuck that red exclamation point, people who use it incorrectly should be stoned."

damn right, some nobody here does this every time he sends an email about him taking a day off

Jugdish said...

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap...I HAVE A DREAM!"

Keith S said...

"damn right, some nobody here does this every time he sends an email about him taking a day off"

You should stop doing that

El Padrino said...

yes i'm picking up 30rock starting this season

Keith S said...

Honeymoon is booked for here. 8 days 7 nights.

Keith S said...

Michael Phelps donated that $1 million bonus he got for winning 8 golds

El Padrino said...

Hawai'i

sweet, was it free, do you know the pilot or something

Keith S said...

Flight isn't free, but the resort is.

El Padrino said...

Umamaheshwari V is someone's name in mumbai


NS

El Padrino said...

"Flight isn't free, but the resort is."

wft, your worse then rev

El Padrino said...

I'll link the whole piece but here's another excerpt:

“If the show does succeed, it’ll be something of a fucking miracle, because NBC hasn’t done a fucking thing to help this show at all. This show is the red-headed stepchild in the lineup. They’ve gone out of their way to wring the last drops out of ‘My Name Is Earl’ and ‘Scrubs.’ Those shows are done! They’re cooked! Yet they do a one-hour episode of ‘Earl’! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

Tyler said...

I heart Clifton Phifer Lee. Twenty wins!

El Padrino said...

“I still want to do the episode of ‘30 Rock’ where we make fun of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’—where everyone on our show talks about something important for thirty seconds and then goes in a room and fucks each other.”


another gem

El Padrino said...

you knocked me out of the playoffs smarmy bastard

Tyler said...

My firstborn will be named Clifton Phifer.

Tyler said...

You were out of the playoffs before the week started. I just sealed the deal.

Tyler said...

I am disappointed that Blew's team blew it and I couldn't leapfrog Dooshlux into the playoffs. My team is spittin' hot fiya right now.

Tyler said...

Where is blew with the power rankings?

JFreak said...

My style is impetuous.

El Padrino said...

i click on any tyson link

just a rule of mine

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Blew is lazy

paula pierce has a vagina said...

keeley's boobs once again

boing

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Keely needs to start doing hardcore. Her tits have lost their luster.

El Padrino said...

Summer Daniels

DO IT DO IT

Keith S said...

"wft, your worse then rev"

No, I gamble more than $20 in Vegas

Jugdish said...

Here kitty kitty kitty

Keith S said...

Fuck cats

tem said...

‘Scrubs.’

isn't that on ABC now?

Jugdish said...

RIP announcer guy

El Padrino said...

the alec Baldwin piece

El Padrino said...

the king of voice overs

sadness

El Padrino said...

i made pork braciole yesterday that was out of this world

isiah thomas said...

has Beanie Wells's Lis Franc injury been reported yet?

El Padrino said...

no

isiah thomas said...

I could do the voice-over job.

"In a world...."

Jugdish said...

Pablo Francisco does a good impression of him...the voice over guy.

"Francisco...that's fun to say."

El Padrino said...

Cliff has to win the cy young, no?

El Padrino said...

how is he doing this

how hard is his fastball, we dont get meaningless clev games here on the boob

Jugdish said...

I would think so...almost a no brainer too.

El Padrino said...

freak what's your madden IQ

El Padrino said...

mascotsgettingfuckedup.com

El Padrino said...

college POOOOONNN sfw

isiah thomas said...

is PTP back up and running?

El Padrino said...

i have to imagine H frequents this establishment, make it rain H, make it rain

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"Cliff has to win the cy young, no?"

joe morgan says no, which means lee will win

El Padrino said...

joe morgan is a retard

JFreak said...

"freak what's your madden IQ"

500.

I can't play defense to save my life.

tem said...

"Lis Franc"

what's this?

tem said...

i wish there was an NCAA IQ.

El Padrino said...

summer daniels myspace page

tem said...

Donyell Marshall is the answer for the Sixers. Rev is stoked.

El Padrino said...

"500.

I can't play defense to save my life."

557, not too far off

tem said...

"summer daniels"


who?

JFreak said...

lisfranc

dwight freeney had this last year.

caused him to miss most of the season.

El Padrino said...

Lisfranc

El Padrino said...

some random hot chick

paula pierce has a vagina said...

dunno, but shes not naked

JFreak said...

joker action figure

very realistic.

JFreak said...

Obama has two dads

tem said...

"Obama has two dads"

like stacy keenan?

El Padrino said...

crashed flight of the day courtesy of the bible

El Padrino said...

man, Jake LeMotta's boy was on dat flight

JFreak said...

250,000 home runs

El Padrino said...

today is a link-a-palooza

paula pierce has a vagina said...

saw the black bourne identity, didnt hate it, but wouldnt watch it again on dvd

Keith S said...

There are links to pics of a dead cat wedged under my serpentine belt towards the end of EP's post from this weekend

Keith S said...

On this day in 1907...

Ty Cobb made baseball history by stealing second base, third base, and home in the same game.


And TP was baptized.

El Padrino said...

the don cheadle movie spiff, right?

El Padrino said...

"Both hijackers had trouble answering the standard security questions. The counter agents repeated the questions slowly until the men gave the correct answer"

the ticket agents must have felt like garbage

what if's run through my mind all the time in regards to 9/11

Keith S said...

what if's run through my mind all the time in regards to 9/11

AHIIK

paula pierce has a vagina said...

i would feel so awesome if i survived a plane crash

Keith S said...

I bet jug's survived a plane crash

El Padrino said...

AHIIK

what is it

paula pierce has a vagina said...

A Huge If I Know

paula pierce has a vagina said...

georgia didnt impress the voters

tem said...

i hate it when people send me emails asking me how my weekend was.

do they really want an answer or are they just being polite?

tem said...

instead of actually answering i am gonna say "fine and yours?"

i'm tired of giving people real answers. fuck em.

isiah thomas said...

lis franc link i2i, rarely seen.

tem said...

East Carolina will be ranked next week.

JFreak said...

Top tips for fighting 20 kids.

tem said...

Lisfranc:
If the dislocation is less than 2 mm, the fracture can be managed with a POP(plaster of Paris)



umm is plaster of paris paper mache?

isiah thomas said...

keef was the cat already dead when you tried to start the car or did you hear it cling to life then eventually die as the car started?

also - I was hoping for much more gruesome pics.

if it was dead could you smell the rotting carcass?

was it a neighbor's cat that you had to break the bad news to them?

please advices.

isiah thomas said...

the old guy is off the hook annoying today.

he keeps printing these big ass reports on his printer and he pulls his "staring at the printer" routine followed by his "tearing of the paper" routine.

I had to fix our other printer so I left my chair in his path for the "tearing of the paper" routine - which I could tell pissed him off.

today sucks.

isiah thomas said...

me and fmz peeped game on "Bablyon A.D." - it was possible the greatest movie of all time, I mean multiple oscars.

Vin Diesel is really talented.

isiah thomas said...

it was possible

I just typed an email and there were at least 4 HDHs in it also. The email was only 4 lines.

ns

isiah thomas said...

umm is plaster of paris paper mache?

negative.

paper mache is what torn up paper in some type of glue.

plaster of paris is more like a quick drying concrete type mixture.

Keith S said...

"keef was the cat already dead when you tried to start the car or did you hear it cling to life then eventually die as the car started?"

I don't know when it got in there. I don't know if it was already dead of if it died when I started the car. But the serpentine belt definitely pulled it under and wedged it down there.


"also - I was hoping for much more gruesome pics."

Well it was underneath everything, and I stuck the camera down as far as I could without throwing up.


"if it was dead could you smell the rotting carcass?"

In a word, hell yes! I could smell something since about Wednesday, but couldn't find anything. I didn't actually see the cat until Saturday. It was pretty rotted, the dude at the car place said that when he was trying to get it out, he grabbed the back leg and it came off, like a drumstick.


"was it a neighbor's cat that you had to break the bad news to them?"

I'm sure it was, because there are a few cats that run around the neighborhood and sleep on my car. I don't know which neighbor, though. If I did know, I'd send them the $50 bill I paid for getting it removed.

Keith S said...

of if it died is HDH

isiah thomas said...

"Well it was underneath everything, and I stuck the camera down as far as I could without throwing up."

not knocking the effort, it if what it if.

"It was pretty rotted, the dude at the car place said that when he was trying to get it out, he grabbed the back leg and it came off, like a drumstick."

that's fucking great.

El Padrino said...

nice cat story

El Padrino said...

i like happy endings

tem said...

so keith is a cat killer and meiz is a soon to be daddy?

that ketches me up?

tem said...

someone just gave me a tax return to review with a note saying "i accidentally printed 2 copies of this return"

wft??? just shred one. don't give them both to me. all i am gonna do is shred the extra copy.

Keith S said...

I need an oil change, so I was going to be an ashole and take the car over and just let them "discover" the cat. But I couldn't do it. They did ask if they could do the oil change another day because all of mechanics were gagging.

ns

El Padrino said...

"while Nawaf al-Hazmi and Salem al-Hazmi were selected because they did not provide adequate identification and deemed suspicious by the airline check-in agent."

this shit pisses me off and why the fuck were 4-inch utility knives and boxcutters allowed on any commercial airline?

El Padrino said...

pussy mechanics

my guy would have removed the carcass with his teef

Keith S said...

That airline check-in agent has to live with that shit forever. Dumbas

Keith S said...

"my guy would have removed the carcass with his teef"

I've never smelt a worst smell in my life. I gave the dude a $20 for doing it.

isiah thomas said...

so the car would at least start and run with the cats head wedged in there?

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

even better, wasn't sure if you had it towed (sp) to the goodyear.

isiah thomas said...

Do you still hear the cats keef?

Keith S said...

"so the car would at least start and run with the cats head wedged in there?"

Yeah, I drove it at least 4 days with it in there.

Keith S said...

"Do you still hear the cats keef?"

There are a couple that still wander the neighborhood. When I get in my car now, I honk and wait about 10 seconds before I start it.

ns

isiah thomas said...

Yeah, I drove it at least 4 days with it in there.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

holy fuck that's awesome

"Mommy where is furball?"

"Keef kilt it son"

Keith S said...

I thought about asking the mechanic to put it in a bag and I could get the collar off to see if it had an address on it, then I would leave the bag on the doorstep. But again, I couldn't do it. I'm not that big of an as

isiah thomas said...

I was wondering about the collar.

Shoulda put the collar around the drumstick and left in on the people's door with a note :

"my bad"

El Padrino said...

"I've never smelt a worst smell in my life. I gave the dude a $20 for doing it."

Persia's g-spot son.

El Padrino said...

Zeke gimme Woo-ooo

isiah thomas said...

WOO WOO

THIS IS NOT A GAME PEOPLE!

Jugdish said...

Did I miss the dead cat link?

isiah thomas said...

there were I think 4 links yesterday or the day before, something like "stinky pussy" or something to that effect.

tem said...

keef doesn't know who owned the cat right?

put up posters or just put the cat up on a telephone pole.

tem said...

or wait until someone puts up a missing kitty sign with a reward.

then say you found it dead and collect some cash.

Keith S said...

The cat's in a dumpster at the car place. But if I see posters of a missing cat that looks like it, I'll tell them what happened.

tem said...

blame fmkeith. get the marriage off to a good start.

Keith S said...

There is still some fur in lying around the engine. I can take that to them.

Keith S said...

fsilok is one of "those" kind of animal people. Like, she thinks they're people. She was pissed at me. I told her to fuck off

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm tired and sore

El Padrino said...

nice work keef

El Padrino said...

"Two members of the 2008 Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments of performance-enhancing drugs, including HGH, according to documents obtained by SI."

we knew it

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"fsilok is one of "those" kind of animal people. Like, she thinks they're people. She was pissed at me. I told her to fuck off"


The worse

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Two members of the 2008 Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments of performance-enhancing drugs, including HGH, according to documents obtained by SI."


I wonder who.


SSSSS

isiah thomas said...

fsilok is one of "those" kind of animal people.


anyone seen that show "Verminators" - I love it when people call in a pest problem but then get upset bc some mice are about to get wet-up.

tem said...

The cat's in the dumpster if you want to go get it.

Keith S said...

older

Keith S said...

older

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"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino