Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Pantless Octopuss

Given the rate of divorce these days how long will it be until marriage licenses have to be renewed? Just like drivers licenses or hunting licenses. I can totally see a marriage license being good for 10 years or something like that and then having to be renewed. That way you didn't get divorced you just didn't renew. And it could bring whole new things to the table. You'd hear people say "my wife's gonna test the free agent market, but I'm pretty sure she'll take less to stay here." and "in 2 more years that bitch comes off my books!" I don't know about you guys, but I am super excited for the marriage license renewal era.

And now a first ever on LOV, well maybe. LOV Sportsoscopes:

Aries: Glorious aspects and planetary transits shift the emphasis from the team to the individual making this a great day for piling up stats. Whether you’re a softball player or some other sports player you should have a career day today. Whether or not this day builds momentum for the rest of the season is up to you. Also, your favorite team is going to lose a close one today, don't bother watching the game.

Taurus: Unlike Aries the planetary emphasis shifts to the team, which for an earth-sign is good. Earth signs love teamwork. Those on teams should find that a 0-1 day with 2 sacs and a walk is a nice day indeed. Whatever your sport, team communications will improve! Also, your keyboard is going to break today, sorry.

Gemini: Today’s planetary changes bring excellent teamwork skills; it won’t be difficult to convince your team to let you be the star today or to rally the troops around your cause. You might want to invest in a new bat for softball, but the planets suggest that hitting the batting cage is probably a better way to improve. Also, stay away from red ink today.

Cancer: It’s looking like a glorious day, thanks to the shifting planets, which usher in more daring game play. Expect to make plays that you only dreamed of today. You may even feel that a proverbial weight has been lifted, or that something you regarded as daunting suddenly looks a lot easier. This confidence boost favors getting laid after the game as well. However, all of this will have an adverse effect on cash-matters! Also, feel free to have sex with an old flame today.

Leo: It's time for a hitting slump, this will be a frustrating experience, but the day will offer plenty of welcome distractions, expect to see some boobs today. Fun is definitely on the agenda this evening. First, though, you will have to resolve some leftover feelings from last night's game. Once this is done you will be left with a sigh of relief! Also, for some reason black people will not like you today. Also, alt-tab now because your boss is coming by.

Virgo: Some people say that opposites attract. This might hold some truth when a haphazard teammate shows up. Remember though, the game is less about your stats and more about what's good for the team. Some Virgos will thrive with the new teammates, but others will struggle. Be open minded and you will thrive. Also, don't take out your failures on your children.

Libra: Lately there have been many intense practice sessions. Fear not because these practices are finally going to pay off. Today’s planetary influences and shifts should make it so that what you have been practicing on surfaces at the ball park. This will leave more time for socializing. Go hit a bar and try to pick up some chick you think is out of your league. Maybe today is your lucky day. Also, don't pretend you are smarter than you really are today.

Scorpio: Today’s planetary transits shift the focus from water sports to sports based in fire. This is troublesome for you because not many sports are based in fire. This means that you are going to have to wait a little longer to see the results you were looking for. That is unless you were looking for fire based results. You may be in a ‘I-want-it-now’ mood, that's too bad because good things come to those who wait! Remember patience is a virtue, not a vice....patience is also a stripper. Also, strippers love fives.

Sagittarius: While all the preceding signs have great things to look forward too, you have nothing to look forward to, today is just a false start for you! Any good news should be received with skepticism as it is highly unlikely today will be good. Try to be cautious as this approach may be better than an impulsive one. If you can wait it out for a couple days things will turn around and you will be back on your feet. Also, keep things out of your mouth today.

Capricorn: Change is in the air, so if you were doing good, then expect a bad day, and vice versa. Today will be a good day to clean out the closet so to speak. If you are having an issue with a teammate now is the time to talk to them. The planets today make it much easier to reach a mutual understanding! Also, other people will want you to take your pants off today.

Aquarius: Let's hope you play on a co-ed team because romance is likely to go beyond smoldering today (or hope you are gay). Passions are reignited and hot dates should sizzle with potential. The only problem with this is how will it affect the team? What you and your teammate do might not be a problem at all, what will be a problem is how your other teammates react to the new found relationship. Also, you will be attracted to an animal today.

Pisces: You’re known to be one of the worst athletes of the Zodiac, so today’s planetary changes, which could give you false hope should be largely ignored. Remember you are probably terrible at sports and the planets can't change that. You’ll be ready to take control, but don't. If you do improve today then at practice is where you will most likely area to see your dramatic transformation! Also, try to stay away from carrots today.


OK, I'm spent.

511 comments:

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blue said...

why would an octupuss where (sic) pants

blue said...

i don't read horoscopes...so unfortunately your post got a skim from blue

tem said...

well then.

tem said...

"why would an octupuss where (sic) pants"

that's why they are pantless.

blue said...

conan obrien will take over the tonight show June 1st, 2009...rIP Jay

tem said...

i dislike Leno.

also they are sportoscopes, not horoscopes.

Steve said...

"marriage license renewal era"

you may be the smartest man alive, you should run for office.

blue said...

i don't watch any of the late night talk shows, but when I did, I liked Conan

Beth said...

Personally I really enjoyed the LOV Sportsoscopes. My favorite part of each one was the last sentence that would start with "also". Random but quite amusing. Well done Tem. I'll even give you a pass for no movie review today. :-)

Beth said...

"you may be the smartest man alive, you should run for office"

You could run a tempaign and have tempaign slogans and everything.

blue said...

sportoscopes...horoscopes, it's all fruity to me

tem said...

fruity this retard.

tem said...

i'm too smart to run for office.

only dumbasses are politicians.

blue said...

bossman got back from his cruise in europe today...hopefully he lets me continue to goof off

tem said...

maybe he will forget that you quit.

El Padrino said...

i applaud your efforts

El Padrino said...

Also, ....... lines were money.

tem said...

i enjoyed making up the also lines.

tem said...

i knew beth would be mad about no movie review. i am glad i got a pass on it.

blue said...

i'm part of tem's mob

tem said...

blind people dislike hybrid cars because they are too quiet.

tem said...

that mob game on facebook is addicting.

El Padrino said...

the fact that your dead on is even more scary, today 3 people have already asked me to remove my pants

tem said...

well i hope one was your wife.

blue said...

"that mob game on facebook is addicting."

people kept inviting me to be in their mob, i never figured out what it was about.

tem said...

its some game. it is lame, but addicting.

tem said...

i downloaded combat wars last night.

tem said...

i was gonna play, but i decided to go to sleep and DL porn instead.

blue said...

in that order?

El Padrino said...

"i was gonna play, but i decided to go to sleep and DL porn instead."

wise man

El Padrino said...

HEEE-YUUGE mets-phils series coming up

blue said...

meh

tem said...

yeah in that order. i was tired. porn will be there later.

tem said...

well i guess i set up the DL before going to sleep.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"i downloaded combat wars last night."

arms?

blue said...

meiz seems to have a hard-on for this game

blue said...

aussie chick decided to end her blog

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"meiz seems to have a hard-on for this game"

I know. It seems that way, but I think its just ok. I'm really trying not to yap about it too much.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Brewers. Only 2 games out.

tem said...

yeah combat arms.

blue said...

*Breers

El Padrino said...

aussie chick was smokin, if that was her

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

My bad. Breers.

blue said...

"aussie chick was smokin, if that was her"

yes she was

El Padrino said...

PC games? you mongroids are still playing PC games?

wht

blue said...

what's a mongroid?

tem said...

must be someone who plays pc games.

tem said...

mongrel + mongoloid = mongroid ?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"PC games? you mongroids are still playing PC games?"


Says the dork that plays XBox Live.

tem said...

campby traded for the right to exchange 2nd round picks? totally missed that when i was on vacation.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Yeah. Bad trade.

El Padrino said...

"Says the dork that plays XBox Live."

occasionaly, and XBOX live >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PC games

go fire up Doom 64 and eat a bag of cheetos

Loser.

blue said...

cheetos?

blue said...

"campby traded for the right to exchange 2nd round picks?"


i'm still laughing about that trade

tem said...

i play x-box live sometimes.

i play ncaa with a buddy from hike school.

El Padrino said...

i dont know what a mongroid actually is, something in the android family i believe but here is a pic of one

paula pierce has a vagina said...

lincecumforpres put on an offensive show last night

blue said...

I used to play Quake weapons factory online, that was fun...of course that was 9 years ago, but who is counting

paula pierce has a vagina said...

beth, are you doing the human race, it's probly too easy for you, only 10K, but theres a concert after, we got kanye

blue said...

lincecum for pres is on pace for 140 RsBI this week

El Padrino said...

"lincecumforpres put on an offensive show last night"

indeed. wow

paula pierce has a vagina said...

the rockies spotted my pitcher a 9 run lead and he still couldnt get the win, was struggling with control and got yanked early, wft

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"go fire up Doom 64 and eat a bag of cheetos

Loser."


How is playing a game online different from playing a game online?

tem said...

holds are dumb.

blue said...

"How is playing a game online different from playing a game online?"

that seems the same to me

blue said...

"holds are dumb."

dumb this retard

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"that seems the same to me"

Yeah. Me too.

Tyler said...

My new game while I'm commuting is to count how many Priuses (Priusi?) are on the road. Today's total: 9. And one Fiero.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Prii?

blue said...

Priui according to the sklar brothers

Tyler said...

Sure, Prii works.

El Padrino said...

"that seems the same to me"

Yeah. Me too."

the online part yeah, but playing games on a pc is antiquated

El Padrino said...

whatta got a joystick too?

El Padrino said...

loser part was unwarranted, i take it back

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"the online part yeah, but playing games on a pc is antiquated"

EP, dont be that ignorant guy

El Padrino said...

i dont even know if unwarranted works there but keef will let me know if it's not

Tyler said...

Listening to Elvis this morning. Costello, not the dude that died on the toilet.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"whatta got a joystick too?'

last time i checked, xbox has the joystick, pc uses mouse

El Padrino said...

"the online part yeah, but playing games on a pc is antiquated"

EP, dont be that ignorant guy"

if it's coming to that then i'll backtrack

but for the record it's probably because I never, ever played a PC game online

NS

xbox live was my first "online" experience and i dont even like it anymore unless i know who i'm playin

El Padrino said...

"last time i checked, xbox has the joystick, pc uses mouse"

that's a controller, i meant this

paula pierce has a vagina said...

i know what you meant, but make that stick thumb sized and that's a console controller

Tyler said...

Actually, to play first-person shooter games, it's way easier on a PC because of the mouse and keyboard. Four of us used to play Unreal on lunch almost everyday at my old work like six years ago.

Tyler said...

I Don't Want To Go To Chelsea.

Tyler said...

That song is hook-da-hook

tem said...

HUNGRY.

Beth said...

"beth, are you doing the human race, it's probly too easy for you, only 10K, but theres a concert after, we got kanye"

Well the obvious joke there, which surprisingly no one made, would've been "Beth's already done the human race, one by one."

But if I lived close to LA, that would be a very cool race to do.

Beth said...

Ok, now I see that The Human Race 10k is in 25 different cities, but unfortunately Atlanta is not one of them.

blue said...

the human league was a fun band

paula pierce has a vagina said...

you could go to new york and do it

blue said...

The patriots have the leagues easiest schedule this season....WFT?

Beth said...

Well NY would clearly have the best one out of the 25...

EP, you think cmep would mind if I crashed at your place?

Keith S said...

"conan obrien will take over the tonight show June 1st, 2009...rIP Jay"

Jay is the absolute worse

El Padrino said...

"EP, you think cmep would mind if I crashed at your place?"

Not at all, just cover up around her and we should be fine.

El Padrino said...

David Letterman > Jay Leno

Keith S said...

"i dont even know if unwarranted works there but keef will let me know if it's not"

Unwarranted is fine, but whatta is hook da hook

Keith S said...

"The patriots have the leagues easiest schedule this season....WFT?"

Having to play the Jets, Bills, and Dolphins twice each helps

Keith S said...

David Letterman >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Jay Leno


*fixed

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I thought the human race thing was one big Beth sex joke.

Keith S said...

Saw Letterman live about 6 years ago. He's awesome.

blue said...

i watch cheers instead of those shows

El Padrino said...

"Saw Letterman live about 6 years ago. He's awesome."

Twice, almost 2 years ago since I last saw him.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Letterman vs Conan is a heavyweight match up. The best 2 going head to head.

El Padrino said...

Cheers is awesome. I get pissed it's set in Boston though.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

calzaghe hurt, fight with roy jones postponed.

Tyler said...

"i watch cheers instead of those shows"

Did you somehow get a hold of Meiz's time machine and you're actually commenting from 1987?

Keith S said...

"Twice, almost 2 years ago since I last saw him."

I'd probably have more than 1 show under my belt if it was closer than a 5 hour plane ride.

Keith S said...

I flew back to NYC just to see Letterman, then flew back here the next day.

blue said...

"Did you somehow get a hold of Meiz's time machine and you're actually commenting from 1987?"

there is this neat thing called "syndication"...they show re-runs of old shows on the television

El Padrino said...

"I flew back to NYC just to see Letterman, then flew back here the next day."

cool

El Padrino said...

i need to get into a good ol' fashioned fistfight

it's been way too long

blue said...

"cool"

I was thinking the same thing except instead of a c, i was going to use and f

Tyler said...

"there is this neat thing called "syndication"...they show re-runs of old shows on the television"

But there's really no reason to be watching it in 2008. Haven't you already seen every episode 19 times already?

El Padrino said...

did Bale fuck his mother up?

Tyler said...

No details on that Bale story yet EP. I heard he was still in custody and they're questioning him.

El Padrino said...

arrested crime caper

blue said...

"But there's really no reason to be watching it in 2008. Haven't you already seen every episode 19 times already?"

yes, and it's still funny...that was my point, it's better viewing than letterman/leno/kimmel

El Padrino said...

" BATMAN ARRESTED IN LONDON! "

Drudge Report, gotta love it.

El Padrino said...

HOLY DUST-UP...
ZAP! POW! BAM!

and the hits just keep on comin'

paula pierce has a vagina said...

bale is taking this 'dark knight' concept too far

El Padrino said...

jesus christ

El Padrino said...

chance the 2nd rounder we got for shockey could be a 1st rounder

isiah thomas said...

do you think Bale uses his "Batman voice" when he gets pissed or does he still use his regular voice?

El Padrino said...

i dont know but who beats thier mother? that's nuts

isiah thomas said...

Portis turned his ankle spiffg - wft.

El Padrino said...

not even Scarface would whup his mothers ass and he took a couple of slaps and some words to the face

blue said...

the redskins are like the walking wounded

Tyler said...

What happened to Clin-ton? I can't find anything on that.

El Padrino said...

that makes me so sad







essssssssssssssssssssss

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"i dont know but who beats thier mother? that's nuts"

they made the complaint on the day of the UK premiere. and the police didnt think it was serious enough to take him in that day for questioning

paula pierce has a vagina said...

fucking portis

Tyler said...

Burress wants a new deal, his agent is Drew Rosenhaus, but he's going to report to camp on time. I'm sorry that previous sentence made no sense.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I got nothin'

isiah thomas said...

Portis Turns an Ankle
With the summer storm gods raining down on Redskins Park and the players and fans seeking shelter, Jim Zorn talked briefly to reporters on the morning practice.

He said that Clinton Portis turned his ankle and, while they believe the sprain to be minor, the medical staff will check out the injury.

Tyler said...

I know a sprain is a sprain, but it sounds minor.

isiah thomas said...

after the injury debacle that was the first day of Skins camp, any injury news sounds bad to me. But yeah, this sounds minor, hopefully.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm finna have some wings for lunch.

Keith S said...

"I know a sprain is a sprain, but it sounds minor."

Does it sound like it's minor because "they believe the sprain to be minor"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

The people that kill me the most are the ones that think $3.38 is a lot of money to mail something. I don't think a lot of people realize that the US Dollar is worthless these days. They're stuck in 1985.

Keith S said...

Use your time masheen to get them into 2008

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I would, but its at my parents' house right now.

Keith S said...

You should never leave home without that

El Padrino said...

i love it when people laugh at thier own jokes when they are painfully unfunny

tem said...

deke's dad is back in the 1950s marty mcfly style right now.

Tyler said...

Does it sound like it's minor because "they believe the sprain to be minor"

Well, when he first reported it and I couldn't find any info, it seemed like a pretty big deal. If "the medical staff will check out the injury", it doesn't sound like they're stressing out about it too badly, which is also why it sounds minor. So there.

Tyler said...

"i love it when people laugh at thier own jokes when they are painfully unfunny"

Like OMJs?

tem said...

when they do that el pad, just punch them in the face.

tem said...

OMJs?


Old Man Jews?

Tyler said...

Old Man Jokes. Temler.

El Padrino said...

"when they do that el pad, just punch them in the face."

i think of this constantly, i know one thing, i would have been a handful back in the western days

El Padrino said...

i love Tombstone, Doc Holliday was so fucking good

El Padrino said...

Oh Kate, your not wearing your bustier. How lewd.

tem said...

we were talking about Tombstone at softball.

everyone agreed it was whatta good.

El Padrino said...

deke how do you get chicken and broccli sauce stain out?

and don't say lick it

isiah thomas said...

T - I peeped game on the Heidi Fleiss joint you mentioned.

fucking wack-job.

o/u on when she'll be dead : Dec 2009

Tyler said...

Zeke, I'll take the under.

El Padrino said...

i'm a little shocked she aint dead yet

El Padrino said...

"Teacher Accused of Having Sex with Student Still Having Sex with Student"

sweet for him, 16 year old baning a 25-er

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"deke how do you get chicken and broccli sauce stain out?"

Couldn't tell ya. I'd try licking it.

tem said...

TWSS

tem said...

from MSN's list of things about coworkers that annoy you:

"Sharing an office with somebody who just cruises the Web all day long and adds no value to client work." -- Noah B., Washington, D.C.



well fuck you noah.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I will say one thing regarding that stain:

Tide to go Stain Stick. Works wonders. Not kidding even a little bit.

El Padrino said...

Tide stain stick. Got it.

blue said...

Noah sounds like a douche

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Noah's clearly a douchebag.

tem said...

oxy-clean spray stuff removes stains too.

tem said...

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tem said...

Noah level doucheness....

El Padrino said...

it must suck being old

El Padrino said...

i'm constantly preventing walls around here

buck up!

isiah thomas said...

nice work EP

El Padrino said...

old guy just said "That's hot"

wft

El Padrino said...

saty away from Penos

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"saty away from Penos'

el cumdrino

El Padrino said...

rip furry brows

El Padrino said...

"saty away from Penos'

el cumdrino"

fuck

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm in a daze.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Since I didn't get that Golf Club membership, I think I'll take a loan out to get a championship belt.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I wish we had cable internet here.

El Padrino said...

"Since I didn't get that Golf Club membership, I think I'll take a loan out to get a championship belt."

your decision making skills are above excellent deke

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"your decision making skills are above excellent deke"


I'd be the best rich guy ever. I just don't have the money.

tem said...

what kind of championship belt?

isiah thomas said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm in a glass case of emotion.

*fixed

isiah thomas said...

what kind of championship belt?


duh, heavyweight

isiah thomas said...

deke you're on dialup internets?

isiah thomas said...

wall z

Keith S said...

On this day in 1963...

Heavyweight boxing champion Sonny Liston retained his title with a first-round knockout of Floyd Patterson in a bout in Las Vegas

Keith S said...

Tem's sportsoscope kinda creeped me out for a minute. I was logging in at work and my mouse and keyboard weren't working. Cleaning people must have unplugged them last night.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Get your belts here!


This dude is thee man.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"deke you're on dialup internets?"

suuuuuuuper slooooooooowwww DSL

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

It also doesn't help that our PCs are as powerful as a Swatch Watch.

El Padrino said...

deke's needs a belt to support the lies he's been spreadin in Mequon about how he once was a WCW rassler

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No. I need a belt to make it easier to force my awesomeness upon others.

Keith S said...

"No. I need a belt to make it easier to force my awesomeness upon others."

Just tell them about the time you were almost an NBA scab.

isiah thomas said...

"the time was 6 o'clock on the swatch watch...no time to chill gotta date...can't be late..."

name the artist and song

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I wasn't almost an NBA scab.

Keith S said...

TNWGKS

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

What did GKS?

isiah thomas said...

I wasn't almost an NBA scab.

Don't be modest Jabbar.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

old

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

old

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