Tuesday, July 01, 2008

I'm not in NH

So I did not have to go to New Hampshire today. That's a good thing because I am pretty sure I smell like last night's beer. Last night there was a lot of beer. Just for kicks I'll toss out a timeline of events:

5:30 - Get to the bar with buddy from work.

5:31 - Order first two beers of the night. We order beers two at a time, so we are both double fisting beers.

5:35 - Buddy looks at the bottles of Miller Lite which have the win a free Harley Davidson game things on them and says "this is gonna be my lucky night."

5:35 - Ring leader of the moo cow brigade that just walks by gives my buddy the death stare. Apparently MCBRL thought he was talking about getting lucky with her.

5:37 - I notice that the MCB has a new member. And she is not a MC. We go over many plans on how to separate her from the herd.

5:50 - Round 2 of Miller Lites

5:51 - Co-worker shows up. We order her 2 beers. She tries to catch up by chugging half of one then gives up.

5:51-6:20 - Making fun of other co-workers and more drinking. Somewhere in there round 3 of Miller Lites was ordered.

6:20 - Co worker 2 shows up. She orders 2 cranberry and vodkas. We try to explain to her how liquor is a little stronger than Miller Lite. She is having none of this talk.

6:20 - 6:40 - My buddy and I point out the MCB and the one non MC. We explain our plan to separate the non MC from the herd. Co-workers are less than impressed with our plan. Also they point out that the non MC seemingly has a boyfriend or something as some guy is hanging all over him. Negotiations turn to one of our co-workers distracting the boyfriend. They have none of this. Round 4 of Miller Lites is ordered as well as round 2 of cranberry and vodkas.

6:45-7:15 - More discussion of other co-workers and why they are not as cool as us. I explain who "Kangaroo" is. Co-workers are less than impressed at first, but it is all a front. They eventually admit that "Kangaroo" is hilarious.

7:15 - My buddy steals one of my beers. It is my fault for being slow. I am getting hungry and thus am distracted.

7:15-7:40 - My buddy and I notice another non MC. We discuss ways to separate her from the herd. Co-workers ask us why we are afraid to approach the herd. We explain that is because the herd has a lot of girth and is scary. Neither me nor my buddy is willing to take a chance we end up with one of the MCs. Co-workers say they don't blame us. Round 5 of Miller Lites are ordered, round 3 of cranberry and vodkas.

7:45 - Co-worker 2 decides it is time to do shots with the bar tenders. Tem passes, tem's buddy does not. Co-worker 1 decides she needs to go home and cook dinner for her husband.

7:45-8:20 - Shots are taken, plans are made to go to co-worker 1's house on Tuesday night and play the traffic drinking game.

****Traffic Drinking Game Rules: You sit on the porch with your beer. Everyone gets a color. If a car of your color drives by you have to drink. If an emergency vehicle drives by everyone drinks. If the emergency vehicle has its sirens on everyone has to finish their drink. If the emergency vehicle is going the wrong way on the one way road then everyone has to shotgun a beer*****

8:20 - 10:00 - Co-worker 2 tells us tales of her previous marriages and in general gives too much information. Rounds 6 and 7 of Miller Lites are ordered. Round 4 of cranberry vodkas are ordered, more shots are done with the waitress. Tem and buddy slow down on the drinking, co-worker 2 is out of control. We play the "Holy Shit its Tom Walsh!!!!" game. In this game we just scream "holy shit its Tom Walsh." Tom Walsh is not amused as Tom Walsh has no clue who we are. Tom Walsh leaves. Waitress gives us a dirty look.

10:05 - Trying to get co-worker 2 to her car so my buddy can drive her home.

10:30 - Successfully get co-worker 2 to her car after she throws her keys down the garage steps and we retrieve them...twice.

10:30-11:00 - Buddy drives co-worker 2 home, tem follows, tem will drive buddy back to his truck after we get co-worker 2 home. Along the way co-worker 2 makes my buddy pull over so she can puke. Also when we got to her condo she told us the wrong condo and she tried to open someone else's door. They were not amused. Eventually we got her to her place.

11:00 - 12:00 - Trying to get co-worker 2 to stop puking. Also trying to get her to keep her shirt on. Very amusing, except not really. Co-worker finally stops puking. Spits gatorade on me because she doesn't like the purple kind. Debate as to why she even has the purple kind ensues. Tem loses debate. Advil gets spit on me too. Co-worker 2 finally figures out how to explain to us how to set her alarm. Turns out you just push the "on" button. Tem and buddy make sure co-worker is in bed with alarm set. Tem and buddy leave.

12:00 -12:30 Drive back to work garage to drop buddy off at his truck. Stop at Wendy's along way because tem was starved.

12:30 - 1:00 - Go home and go to bed. Work is in 7 hours....

Well I am running late here and left some parts out, but for the most part this was what I did yesterday.

523 comments:

1 – 200 of 523   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

"Well I am running late here and left some parts out, but for the most part this was what I did yesterday."


like the part where tem and buddy accidentally bumped sticks whilst both banging a passed out co-worker 2?

tem said...

no that never happened.

tem said...

there is no co-worker banging.

tem said...

i did leave out the part where my buddy found a box of co-worker 2s tampons in the bathroom and i had to explain to him what the different colors on the box meant.

El Padrino said...

wow your a good buddy
i normally leave my friends passed out wherever they are

El Padrino said...

blue always bring up a gay scenario

wft blue

blue said...

how is that a gay scenario...it's the scenario from Entourage

blue said...

i actually thought that tem was headed for a trip home with one of the MCB, but the story took a different twist

tem said...

the MCB is scary.

lots of tonnage there.

tem said...

we went the extra mile for sure.

its my good deed for the decade.

tem said...

the non MC was quality. i should have made more of an attempt at that.


and by more of an attempt i mean an attempt at all.

blue said...

you should have axed her if she was a waitress anywhere

tem said...

she was not a waitress.

she clearly worked in an office with all of the other people from that same office who were at the bar.

tem said...

i guess she could have been a waitress on the side though.

tem said...

or maybe she usedtacould be one.

blue said...

probably not a good idear to go talk to her when you're on your 47th round of miller lite

tem said...

only 7 rounds.

at most 8 rounds.


also we did not win anything from the peel off game.

it was not my buddy's lucky day.

Beth said...

"it was not my buddy's lucky day"

He was drinking somewhat heavily and did not end up with a member of the MCB. I'd say that makes it a lucky night for him.

blue said...

buddy was probably pissed because tem wouldn't leave him alone with co-worker 2

tem said...

no, there is no intra office sex.

blue said...

hancock is getting awful reviews, and it's only an hour and 20 minutes long.

tem said...

"He was drinking somewhat heavily and did not end up with a member of the MCB. I'd say that makes it a lucky night for him."

good point.

blue said...

"no, there is no intra office sex."

that is your rule, not his

tem said...

hancock is only 80 minutes? wft? that sucks.

tem saw Get Smart on saturday. it was ok.

tem said...

it is everyone's rule here.

tem said...

traffic drinking game is gonna be rough tonight.

tem said...

actually i lied. Get Smart was good. I laughed quite a few times.

tem said...

3 out of 5 helmet stickers.

tem said...

coincidentally it was nothing like my review of it.

blue said...

does that princess diary chick get nekkid?

tem said...

no. that is only in Havoc.

El Padrino said...

tommy hilfiger still makes polos?

tem said...

she looks good in some scenese though, but nothing close to nekkid.

tem said...

*scenes

tem said...

"tommy hilfiger still makes polos?"

i think so.

and jeans.

El Padrino said...

i havent rocked a hilfiger polo since junior high

El Padrino said...

queer bait must have been cleaning out his closet

it's like a faded red one, looks almost pink for crissakes

blue said...

"no. that is only in Havoc."


and that gay cowboy movie

blue said...

the nuggets should sign Baron Davis

blue said...

the USA basketball team flew to NYC just to take pictures in front of the statute of liberty...

blue said...

from tem's news yesterday:

RJ is pissed about going to the bucks.


of course he is, he left the greatest metro area in the US&A

El Padrino said...

Keen leadership.

sound ok, i'm putting it in an email to some senior guys

i know the word has several definitions and think it fits

whatta think?

blue said...

keen sounds kinda old fashioned

blue said...

but i think it works in the right context

tem said...

she gets nekkid in cowboy movie?

tem said...

i didn't even know she was in cowboy movie.

tem said...

are you saying someone demonstrated keen leadership?

it works.

adding "skills" after leaderships works too.

tem said...

keen leadership skills.

El Padrino said...

"It's a role I enjoy and couldn't do it without your keen leadership"

that's the exact sentence
i like it

blue said...

"she gets nekkid in cowboy movie?"

yes she does

tem said...

it works.

blue said...

it was the only 2 minutes worth watching of that movie

tem said...

i'll have to google her nekkid movie scenes.

blue said...

i'd link it up, but you're a nsfw guy, so i'll just not and say I did

blue said...

i smell bacon

tem said...

well thanks for not linking it up.

tem said...

you have a keen intellect.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

So lemme get this straight. I'm a bad fan because I don't have a dozen Brewers hats?

You guys are retarded

El Padrino said...

fuck dave lambert
i'll kick his ass

tem said...

when i got to work there was this chocolate cake thing and cool whip.

a tasty breakfast for sure.

tem said...

who is dave lambert.


and i agree that good hats are hard to find.

tem said...

# hats does not indicate fan level.

tem said...

HOLY SHIT IT'S TOM WALSH!!!!

blue said...

nobody said the lack of hats make you less of a fan.

just that it was odd for somebody who wears a hat very often to only have 3.

i probably have 10, although i really only wear 1, maybe 2

tem said...

i hardly ever wear hats.

i just recently found 1 that i would wear in public.

before that i would only wear one when playing softball.

blue said...

which is why you always sunburn your head

tem said...

blue i almost had a blockbuster braun / wright based trade to send to you.

tem said...

"which is why you always sunburn your head"

no i put sunscreen on my head.

blue said...

i had a trade sent to deluxe yesterday, and like clockwork one of the guys i was sending away got hurt, another one gave up 5 runs in 1/3 of an inning...

kinda ruined my deal

tem said...

i figure keith must have wanted to trade for uggla because he got hurt.

tem said...

where is keith? it's a three zorse show today basically.

with guest appearances from meiz and tits.

blue said...

spiff is bitch slapping me this week

blue said...

"where is keith? it's a three zorse show today basically."

he said somethign about wearing a suit today, so maybe he's getting married

tem said...

maybe. i thought that was later though.

tem said...

my boss is back today.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"nobody said the lack of hats make you less of a fan."

Keith did.

"just that it was odd for somebody who wears a hat very often to only have 3."

Oh I have a fuckload of hats. They're just all at Mom & Pops' house. I'm not lugging those fuckers around with me.

El Padrino said...

i have alot of hats
i like them

all teams not only ny teams

paula pierce has a vagina said...

halladay loves going 9 innings

El Padrino said...

the russians dont play, this VIDEO is AWESOME

paula pierce has a vagina said...

supposedly the warriors and wiz offered gil a max contract, wft? GS doesnt want to give baron that, maybe because of injury issues, but arenas has the same issue now

blue said...

gil ain't going back to GS, not after they fucked him over after his rookie contract was up.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

that last kick guy on ground in face/punch other guy combo is great

tem said...

i offered him a max contract too.

tem said...

that is a great video.

tem said...

the punch makes that guy fly.

blue said...

yeah the last dude is saying "here is my ID" and the cop says "well, here is my fist, how does my ass taste"

tem said...

why would he ask how his ass tastes?

tem said...

blue always bring up a gay scenario

wft blue

blue said...

tem does not get the shaq-fu reference?

El Padrino said...

see what i'm sayin....

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"see what i'm sayin...."

duly noted

blue said...

yeah, that's a keen observation

Keith S said...

"Also they point out that the non MC seemingly has a boyfriend or something as some guy is hanging all over him."


So the non-MC was a guy?

Keith S said...

"So lemme get this straight. I'm a bad fan because I don't have a dozen Brewers hats?"

"nobody said the lack of hats make you less of a fan."

"Keith did."


You should learnt how to read. I said the fact that the only Brewers hat you have is a one of those free giveaway hats makes you less of a fan.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

he must work out

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I said the fact that the only Brewers hat you have is a one of those free giveaway hats"


Except for the part where its not.

Keith S said...

When in Rome

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"When in Rome"

How can you disagree on something that is known to be true?
I never said the only one I had was a free one. I said the only other one is.

blue said...

riveting

El Padrino said...

giambi's stache' provides me with entertainment daily

Keith S said...

Right, the other one. So you have the one that you just bought, and the other one which was a giveaway hat, which is probably pink.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"giambi's stache' provides me with entertainment daily"

Its glorious.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Right, the other one. So you have the one that you just bought, and the other one which was a giveaway hat, which is probably pink."


You can't really be this stupid, can you?

Keith S said...

You always present a great argument, mize.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm not arguing. I'm stating facts.

El Padrino said...

we are knocking on the door of a bear market

spend less people
we can get out of this together

Keith S said...

"I'm not arguing. I'm stating facts."

How so?

blue said...

since i was a youth, i smoked weed out...now i'm the muthafucka that you read about

takin a life or two, that's what the hell I do, you don't like how i'm livin' well fuck you

this is a gang, and i'm in it, my friend dre will fuck you up in a minute, wit a right, left, right, left you're toofless, now you're saying gawddamn dey ruthless

isiah thomas said...

it's never disappointing to log on and see Ze Slapper® in progress.

isiah thomas said...

me and fmz peeped game on some doc called "Ganjalady" last night.

about some chick who was going on vacation from Australia to Bali with her fam. She took a boogie board in a bag, when she got to Bali there was 4.2 kilos of ganja in said bag.

isiah thomas said...

EP - book recommendation:

"Confessions of a Street Addict" by Jim Cramer.

solid A, very good read.

El Padrino said...

nyc has the best hospitals

El Padrino said...

"EP - book recommendation:

"Confessions of a Street Addict" by Jim Cramer.

solid A, very good read."

i like cramer, myabe i'll go against my creed of not reading and give it a shot

isiah thomas said...

tem was drunk co-worker hot?

hot enough to "accidentally" cop a feel as you were "helping" her?

isiah thomas said...

also, instead of calling them the "MCB", maybe you should consider them "the busters" (read: slumpbusters)

blue said...

i'm in another one of those "almost got it" situations again..


not getting my hopes up this time

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"How so?"

so this, retard






NEXT

blue said...

sew this, retard


*fixed

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I thought about using sew, but it didn't apply

El Padrino said...

everyone is off friday right?

Keith S said...

"so this, retard



NEXT"




OK, you win

Keith S said...

"everyone is off friday right?"

Yeah, I have to go out and get a front row seat for the fireworks show.



(SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"everyone is off friday right?"


Not Keith. He's a pinko.

Keith S said...

Nice use of pinko

JFreak said...

the pudding guy

blue said...

pinko ≠ pink hat fan

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Nice use of pinko"

Thanks. I try.

Keith S said...

New SG is fantastic

JFreak said...

hancock advert

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

wall?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Massive Wall

blue said...

i hate tuesdays..except for tem's posts...other than that, the rest of tuesdays suck

tem said...

"So the non-MC was a guy?"

typo i was too lazy too fix.

tem said...

"tem was drunk co-worker hot?

hot enough to "accidentally" cop a feel as you were "helping" her?"


yes, but there was no copping of feels.

tem said...

"also, instead of calling them the "MCB", maybe you should consider them "the busters" (read: slumpbusters)"


more like (read: hip busters)

they'd bust my hip if they reverse cowgirled on me.

blue said...

be honest tem, she doesn't reed this

blue said...

tem is one of those "nice guys" who doesn't take advantage of situations

isiah thomas said...

they'd bust my hip if they reverse cowgirled on me.

Don't even tell us about what would happen if she Angry Tigered you.

isiah thomas said...

tem : fangs. big bloody fangs.

blue said...

lunch

tem said...

"New SG is fantastic"

except the opposite.

tem said...

"Don't even tell us about what would happen if she Angry Tigered you."

i'd be dead.

tem said...

"tem is one of those "nice guys" who doesn't take advantage of situations"

this is true.

isiah thomas said...

It took a lot just to click on the spiffg comlumn link after reading the description.

Then saw the picture that went with the article and closed my browser without reading a word.

no thanks.

isiah thomas said...

*column

tem said...

tuesdays are walldays

El Padrino said...

i got an auditer so far up my ass if she spits it will come out of my mouth

El Padrino said...

fucking dirty cunts

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tuesdays make me want to kill.

El Padrino said...

this morning i thought i was in shanghai, i kept looking at the stops to make sure they were still in English

fucking dirty gooks



*with all due respect not you spiff

tem said...

el pad should eat something the auditor doesn't like. that way she gets mad and leaves.

tem said...

auditors are asian?

Keith S said...

""New SG is fantastic"

except the opposite."

Yeah, my (S) key was broken

tem said...

that happen ometime

Keith S said...

On this day in 1980...

Clocked in a time of 3:48.8, Great Britain's Steve Ovett lowered Sebastian Coe's mile record by two-tenths of a second.

Keith S said...

On this day in 1980...

Clocked in a time of 3:48.8, Great Britain's Steve Ovett lowered Sebastian Coe's mile record by two-tenths of a second.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm feeling ill right now.

Keith S said...

It only happened once, though.

tem said...

"It only happened once, though."


the record breaking or the s key breaking?

Keith S said...

That particular record breaking

isiah thomas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
isiah thomas said...

I'm feeling ill right now.

TWGKS after deke's Bucks tryout.

blue said...

lunch sucked

blue said...

banquet should have to change their name because there isn't anyway that food would be served at a banquet

Keith S said...

It's the banquet of frozen foods.

Keith S said...

You are supposed to eat it with Coors

JFreak said...

Osi Umenyiora freestyled about tom brady on mike and mike.

hilarity all around.

blue said...

"It's the banquet of frozen foods."

what did i expect for 97¢

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

The banquet beer

tem said...

COL

blue said...

coors is the banquet beer


good stuff

isiah thomas said...

freestyle Tuesday:

Boom Mic Hustla

I spend all day with my hands in the air.
Holding the boom mic like I just don't care.
But after a while the boomer feels like I'm holding a heavy rock.
My arms hurt so I look at the clock.
Tic-tock, tic-tock, all I can do too get by is think about my sock.
When I get done with her I'm raising up out the cott.

tem said...

cott? kevin cott?

blue said...

neil cotts?

blue said...

the rock,sock,clock rhyme was good

"My arms hurt so I look at my cock."


*fixed

blue said...

i'm guessing Osi's freestyle had to do with how his BLEEP tastes

tem said...

BLEEP

tem said...

weazy commenting on WWL again:

"Once again ... when the Williams sisters are committed and focused, they're still the best. "

blue said...

baron davis to the clips?

Keith S said...

BLEEP is best fried

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I like my BLEEP poached

tem said...

that's gross

blue said...

BLEEP this, retard

blue said...

mista busta

El Padrino said...

"My arms hurt so I look at my cock."


*fixed"


Example #3 pertaining to Blue's gay scenario complex

Keith S said...

It's hot outside

Keith S said...

Worst.link.evar

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Its hot in here

blue said...

NYC has the best gay scenario spotters

isiah thomas said...

cooler weather is right around the corner keef.

Keith S said...

Yeah. I can't wait for Thanksgiving

blue said...

"cooler weather is right around the corner keef."

yes, i've heard that July in PHX is usually quite moderate

blue said...

Yahoo is very shamfordish:

"His three-run shot broke a 3-3 tie, giving him a team-best 10 go-ahead home runs. Seven of his 11 home runs have either tied the game or given the Rockies a lead."

blue said...

no movie review today

Keith S said...

blew is observant

Keith S said...

Since noone else is going to do it...

tem said...

it took me too long to detail/recall my evening.

Keith S said...

I'll break down the older/newer wall

tem said...

i thought today's post had some good moments.

Keith S said...

older

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino