Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Message in a bottle.

Dear BrewCrew,

Relax. It'll hurt alot less.

Lovingly (but firmly),

The Cubbies.
-----


Beth,

Don't slit your wrists. Tuhshareuh just wasn't meant to be.

Signed,
LOV
-----


Yao,

Sup n*gga. U rap? I do. I do beats too.

I'll pick u up outside Toyota. When u here gunshotz comin from a Range Rova, dats me.

Holla,
Ron-Ron.

PS. U can bring a translator, just make sure he aint no snitch.
-----


Dear Brett Fahvray,

Fuckin die.

Sincerely,

Everyone who isn't taking this as an opportunity to prolong their career for another 15 minutes.
-----


Dear Tim,

I fucked you. I fucked them.

I win.

Davy.

PS. And oh, you might get fucked again. Next time don't get caught.)
-----


Dear Olympics,

Please start as soon as possible and continue for as long as possible.

Love,

Me.
-----



This concludes your Wednesday post.

487 comments:

1 – 200 of 487   Newer›   Newest»
Tyler said...

The Awesomeness™ once again.

Keith S said...

I really hope that TP's LoVAD comment was the truth

blue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blue said...

"I really hope that TP's LoVAD comment was the truth"

he said it was Kobe, not Paul Pierce

El Padrino said...

my baby, just wrote me a lettter

El Padrino said...

Beige slacks
Navy Blue Polo with Red Horse
Brown Timbo Loafers

El Padrino said...

so the braves trades 5 or 6 prospects for one year of Texeira, Casey Kotchman and some minor leaguer picther

awesome

El Padrino said...

oh man, here we go again

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Navy Blue Polo with Red Horse"

That was me on Sunday

El Padrino said...

someone just said "relieves me to conclude"

El Padrino said...

didn't know polo made 5 XL sizes

El Padrino said...

i couldnt resist meiz

with all due respect of course

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

you want Manny?

El Padrino said...

No

Steve said...

Oh, Yea!!!

Tyler said...

Did everyone get their Prii picks in yet?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

13

Tyler said...

What's the going rate for Manny?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

H, hows it feel to be shit on 7 straight times. how you like dem apples

*grasping at straws

(cue H with a 'im really busy at work, but always got time to say,it's the regular season, 2004, 2007, and celtics. wicked!)

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"What's the going rate for Manny?"

if deke tones down his trade sense, he'll still ask for lackey and mauer, instead of lackey, arod, and mauer

paula pierce has a vagina said...

carpenter making his first start today, if im really lucky, i'll finally have a solid 5th starter, but that's not likely

Tyler said...

I drafted Carpenter with my last pick of the draft to stash him. Didn't realize the recovery would take this long. I was looking at picking him up, but you scooped him.

Tyler said...

I was prepared for Meiz to say lackey, arod, mauer and mags for manny.

Tyler said...

The Prii count was 14. Meiz was close.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"What's the going rate for Manny?"


Braun

paula pierce has a vagina said...

EP, whats the asking price for one of your lesser closers?

Tyler said...

Man, ANOTHER meeting tomorrow.

Tyler said...

I don't have Braun. But if I get him, I can get Manny?

What's the going rate for Braun?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

if braun took some roids, he'd have schload more homers

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"What's the going rate for Braun?"

Manny?

Keith S said...

Wow, big morning

Keith S said...

For mize, if he had a desk

El Padrino said...

"EP, whats the asking price for one of your lesser closers?"

let me look

Keith S said...

beth died

Keith S said...

My DL should be empty by the time the consolation playoffs roll around

El Padrino said...

they are all lesser to me
pick one, send me something

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

So you remember the big brat eating contest they have in Sheboygan, WI with Kobayashi, Chestnut, the Black Widow, et al...?


Yeah. They canceled it. Why? Because the citizens of Sheboygan allegedly feel that it projects a poor image of obesity in the City.

Are you fucking kidding me? Its Wisconsin. We're fat.

Hell, its Sheboygan! Everybody knows you're a bunch of fat rednecks.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

This place sucks cock.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

keef have you ever been to the "heart attack grill"?

Keith S said...

Never been to HAG.

El Padrino said...

menu?

El Padrino said...

donaghy's suit looked ridiculous

El Padrino said...

found your cat Meiz

paula pierce has a vagina said...

menu consists of burgers, up to a quadruple, patties look thick, fries fried in lard, jolt soda, filterless cigs

El Padrino said...

jesus

sounds like a great place

El Padrino said...

awaiting a mets deal, should happen today

and yanks are going to get Washburn

El Padrino said...

spiff i imagine you love the Tex deal

you have to

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Wait a minute. I was getting ready to show my co-worker what the Tilted Kilt was, and lo & behold...Keith's writing a blog?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

hope they re-sign tex to replace vlad as the franchise hitter, but if they win a world series, will be worth it either way

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I fucking hate cats

El Padrino said...

Vlad is in his final year?

El Padrino said...

they should resign him and he should want to stay

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Vlad looks 43

Tyler said...

Spiff is right, they should re-sign Texeira to replace Vlad as the franchise. Then try and get Vlad to sign a smaller deal than what he's got right now (he's making $15.5 mill a year and looks like he's 97). If he walks, he walks. I think Garret Anderson's salary ($12.6 mill) comes off the books at the end of the year, so they could sign both guys.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"they should resign him and he should want to stay"

supposedly he wants to play on the east coast, and boras also wants 200 mil$. vlad isnt in his final year if the angels pick up the 09 option, he's just deteriorating because he cant be completely healthy anymore

Tyler said...

Oh, but they have to re-up Krod too. That's why they finally made a trade at the deadline, it's going to be pretty hard to keep that team together and they've got a shot this year.

El Padrino said...

what are the kings doing?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

they'll probly keep vlad for the 15 mil$, they rarely let guys go just because theyre old(fucking garrett anderson)

El Padrino said...

easily the fav to win the WS from the AL, at least in my opinion

Tyler said...

Yeah, they have an option on Vlade, but they would want to get an extension done. He's not worth $200 mill. He's declining rapidly. And you saw last year how when Garrett Anderson was on fire, he made Vlade a better hitter because they had to pitch to him. I think Vlade is great, but he's only as good as the guy that bats behind him. He struggled early last year when he wasn't getting protection.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

krod probly walks, he wants the money badly, arredondo will be a good closer

El Padrino said...

Texas is probably like fuck Atl, you had to trade him to a team in our division?

Tyler said...

"easily the fav to win the WS from the AL, at least in my opinion"

Especially now with Tex. I mean, that just puts them well over the top. They really need to do the right thing and keep that dude.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

watching him now, its hard to believe vlad used to be a stolen base threat

El Padrino said...

krod wants obscene amount of cash, and he'll get it because he's breaking that Thigpen record

but to me, no closer is worth 15-20MM

Tyler said...

I think Krod walks too. He wants WAY too much money.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"but to me, no closer is worth 15-20MM"

agreed, i'm glad they have a backup plan already

Tyler said...

I was thinking the same thing when I was looking at his stats before I traded him to El P. He stole 37 and 40 in 2001/2002. That was when he was at least 30 pounds lighter.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

what a fucking waste for the expos to have him, and why didnt they trade him?

El Padrino said...

dunks that kill

El Padrino said...

vlad's walks like a cripple
why is Scoscia even making him play the outfield?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"why is Scoscia even making him play the outfield?"

vlads wants to, he's one of those guys who thinks they hit better when they play in the field( also garret fucking anderson)

El Padrino said...

the artest deal infuriates me by the way, why didnt the knicks get him when they know he wants to play here

El Padrino said...

vlads wants to, he's one of those guys who thinks they hit better when they play in the field( also garret fucking anderson)

so basically, your outfield consists of Torri Hunter

Keith S said...

"Wait a minute. I was getting ready to show my co-worker what the Tilted Kilt was, and lo & behold...Keith's writing a blog?"

My blog doesn't explain the TK, it just has some of their ho's on it.

Keith S said...

On this day in 1992...

American swimmer Janet Evans, who had considered retiring after the 1988 Olympic Games, returned to the sport and won the gold medal in the 800-meter freestyle at the Summer Olympic Games in Barcelona, Spain.

El Padrino said...

need a win out of Joba today

El Padrino said...

which is such a ridiculous name

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"the artest deal infuriates me by the way, why didnt the knicks get him when they know he wants to play here"

they'll sign him as a free agent

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"My blog doesn't explain the TK, it just has some of their ho's on it."

Its part of the process

El Padrino said...

"they'll sign him as a free agent"

final year of the contract....dont know if i want him for more than 4-5 years

Keith S said...

"Its part of the process"

Touche

paula pierce has a vagina said...

pedro wants manny

paula pierce has a vagina said...

never got to see the wolverine trailer, that shit was taken down fast, everywhere

Keith S said...

No way this happens

Keith S said...

EP
Did you see the my awesome link in AD yesterday?

Keith S said...

the my awesome link is hook da hook

paula pierce has a vagina said...

dbags offered chad tracy and owings for texeira, then sent owings to the minors

Keith S said...

Tracy is cross-eyed, so the Braves were smrt not to make that trade

Keith S said...

Cross-eyed and red headed

Keith S said...

And he bats left-handed. FReak

paula pierce has a vagina said...

joba gonna get a win

El Padrino said...

what my awesome link?

El Padrino said...

a true drunkard

Keith S said...

this

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"true drunkard"

except for the part where the animal doesnt actually get drunk

Keith S said...

Semantics

Keith S said...

Is this really a surprise?

Keith S said...

So someone that has serious health problems is more likely to have a defective child? Amazazing

Keith S said...

NYC has the worse baggage handling system

El Padrino said...

"The airline is promising to deliver the delayed luggage once the issue is resolved."

that's a no for me

El Padrino said...

funny pic, poor flordia is diluted with former nyers

El Padrino said...

anybody dip thier pretzels in hot sauce from time to time?

tem said...

ok i am here now.

was too tired yesterday. the jet lag is killer. s

Keith S said...

"anybody dip thier pretzels in hot sauce from time to time?"

Never done it.

Keith S said...

War eagle!

tem said...

Roll Tide!

tem said...

auburn poon was hook da hook.

El Padrino said...

spiff or T, is hollywood far from downtown LA or what, seems that way on Wiki

El Padrino said...

Correct me if I'm wrong but auburn is in Alabama right? or is it Mississippi?

fuck

tem said...

auburn is in AL.

near GA.

Keith S said...

bama

tem said...

thanks keithfast.

El Padrino said...

ok good so my geography is still the hook da hook

tem said...

i was at this one place in auburn and there were a ton of chicks who had a nice as.

tem said...

alexi ramirez was a decent waiver wire offensive pick up, non drafted.

tem said...

small airports kinda suck. if you have a meeting cancelled and want to leave early you are shit out of luck because they only have like 3flights a day.

tem said...

what's with the girls who wear shorts that say "LOVE PINK" on their ass?

wft is love pink?

Keith S said...

"i was at this one place in auburn and there were a ton of chicks who had a nice as."


A nice as. is key

Keith S said...

"wft is love pink?"

It's what's under the shorts

tem said...

saw a minivan with the license plate FVR4EVR and a big green bay packer decak.

tem said...

decal

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"anybody dip thier pretzels in hot sauce from time to time?"

Hell. Yes.


Gardetto's dipped in Cholula is one of the main proponents of "The Massive Weight Gain Of 2004".

tem said...

"It's what's under the shorts"

this is what i thought it meant, but really? girls are wearing clothes that say that?

fuck i am old. i missed the boat on the whores in college who have nice as.

tem said...

pretzels dipped in nacho cheese is good stuff.

Keith S said...

"pretzels dipped in nacho cheese is good stuff."

And spicy mustard

tem said...

giant pretzel talk is CoL.

Keith S said...

I don't think they're talking about giant pretzels.

tem said...

just normal pretzels?

why would you dip those in anything?

when it comes to pretzels i subscribe to the motto beth used for guys; if it ain't giant, i don't want it.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"this is what i thought it meant, but really? girls are wearing clothes that say that?"

PINK is one of Victoria's Secret's lines of clothing.

tem said...

oh.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

A Joisy style guido was just in here. I had to run to the back of the store to hide my laughter.

Keith S said...

" i subscribe to the motto beth used for guys"


Used?

tem said...

on the way to charlotte from columbus there was a crazy lady on the airplane.

right after we took off she asked if she was allowed to use her cell phone. we'd only been told by 3 different people at least 14 times that cell phones weren't allowed and she asked. it was hilarity.

she was serious, apparently she didn't know, but it was hilarity.

tem said...

"Used?"

yeah, now it is "show me your law degree and bar exam scores and i'll show you my as."

Keith S said...

So was she allowed to use the cell phone?

tem said...

A Joisy style guido was just in here. I had to waddle to the back of the store to hide my laughter.


*fixed

tem said...

no she was not allowed to use the cell phone.

and she was yelled at for having it on.

then she got lectured on how it could mess up the airplanes instruments.

so she said that the pilots should be flying the plane and not playing the drums.

tem said...

then she said if you're going to treat me like this just drop me off at the next bus stop and i'll catch the bus.

Keith S said...

"so she said that the pilots should be flying the plane and not playing the drums."

Seriously?

tem said...

no not seriously.

i wish she said that though.

after getting yelled at she just said "sorry i didn't know"

Keith S said...

Speaking of drums, anyone else see Step Brothers yet?

Keith S said...

"after getting yelled at she just said "sorry i didn't know""

ISWYDT. Your meiztery was much more entertaining than the truth.

tem said...

i just meized it up a little for dramatic effect.

tem said...

tem has not seen step brothers.

Keith S said...

Shocking

tem said...

i know. i almost didn't answer because i knew you already knew.

tem said...

ok time to go through security and get on a plane for charlotte.

then i have a 3hr layover there.

good times.

Keith S said...

Oh, you're still in Bama

tem said...

tem is dumb. he still has an hour. stupid computer being on EST.

tem said...

yeah i am in the montgomery regional aero port.

tem said...

7.5 hrs and i will be in columbus.

what a long as. day.

tem said...

actually 6.5hrs i lose an hour.

Keith S said...

Your(sic) really good with time zones

tem said...

yeah, except the except opposite.

Keith S said...

Mine as well ask some wife's what time it is

tem said...

i see a MILF i can ask.

Keith S said...

Is she a wive?

tem said...

she has a ring. i think she is one of those wife's

tem said...

there are like 10 people in this whole fucking airport and windbag has to sit right next to me and start calling his coworkers on his iphone.

fuck this windbag.

Keith S said...

mize?

tem said...

cool a fighter jet just landed.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

My tank is empty

tem said...

no the guy on the iphone is not meiz.

Keith S said...

Tell him the oxygen tank is at the hospital if he wants to go get it.

El Padrino said...

i need a motherboard and a new power source, so the techie just told me

Keith S said...

"cool a fighter jet just landed."

Mississippi has waged war on Alabamer

Keith S said...

"i need a motherboard and a new power source, so the techie just told me"

So a new computer?

tem said...

the jet was an older jet, but it was still a fighter jet.

much cooler than the DC-9s or whatever they are that usually land.

tem said...

maybe the techie means he needs to plug it in to a different outlet.

tem said...

windbags wife "had the balls to say that" and it made him love her even more.

Keith S said...

Did the front of it look like this?

tem said...

no, it did not have a prop on the front.

Keith S said...

Did it have the teeth?

tem said...

i found out who got meiz's time machine.

some pilot just radioed in to the airport and his flight that was scheduled to land at 3:50 is going to land at 2:45.

tem said...

no it did not have teeth.

it was not painted cooly at all.

Keith S said...

"some pilot just radioed in to the airport and his flight that was scheduled to land at 3:50 is going to land at 2:45."

Maybe the time zones screwed him up, too.

tem said...

maybe, time zones are a bitch.

tem said...

good news though, windbag is on my flight.

Keith S said...

Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll sit next to you. Cross your fingers

tem said...

no doubt he will.

tem said...

i never get to sit next to hot chicks and i never get a hot stewardess.

El Padrino said...

"So a new computer?"

no clue

Keith S said...

I sat next to a hot chick once. Of course, it was the only time I've flown with fmk, too. Bad timing.

tem said...

was fmk the hot chick? or was she like sitting in some other part of the plane?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"pretzels dipped in nacho cheese is good stuff."

SOLID

Keith S said...

Hot chick that was not fmk was sitting on one side of me. fmk was on the other side of me.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

hollywood is not far from DTLA

paula pierce has a vagina said...

EP's techie doesnt know whats wrong, its like a mechanic looking at your car then just saying 'you need a new engine'

Keith S said...

"its like a mechanic looking at your car then just saying 'you need a new engine'"

So you're saying that I didn't really need to buy that new engine?


(S)

tem said...

i am surprised fmk let you sit next to hot chick.

Keith S said...

For those of you who read, get Ben Mezrich's book "Rigged". Good stuff

Keith S said...

"i am surprised fmk let you sit next to hot chick."

We were already sitting there and she sat down. But shit, WFT was I going to do with fmk sitting right there

Keith S said...

she made a point of asking me when we got off the plane if I liked that. I said yeah. Wrong answer, apparently.

tem said...

"
We were already sitting there and she sat down. But shit, WFT was I going to do with fmk sitting right there"

pitch a mile high threesome.

tem said...

basically go for broke.

Keith S said...

"pitch a mile high threesome."

Goddmannit!!

Keith S said...

Oh well. Live and learnt

Keith S said...

But it's hard enough getting a twosome sometimes

tem said...

now you know what to do if it happens again.

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