Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tomorrow's News Today!

-It's NFL preview time!!

We're gonna do a broad, sweeping preview though. I'll leave the in-depth stuff to those that understand the forward pass better than myself.

NFC - Division Winners: Philly, Minnesota, Carolina, Arizona. Wild Cards: Dallas, Seattle.

AFC - Division Winners: New England, Cleveland, Indy, Denver. Wild Cards: Pittsburgh, San Diego.

It's gonna come down to Whale's Sleeve/Cleveland, and Seattle/Carolina. No one will care. Take your pick on who wins.. cause at this point, I'm doin the preview and I dont even care. Those matchups blow. Glad that I won't have my Sunday Ticket this year. I didn't watch it for shit last year anyway. The result? Like any other year.. big, hairy, over-HGH'd men grind themselves against one another into sweaty lather while wearing colorful combinations of spandex. It continues to hold its spot as America's number one (and most masculine) sport.

-Chad Johnson had surgery in the offseason right before training camp and never recovered. By week 8, he is still rehabbing and talking lots of shit. He appears in one game late in the season (wek 14), looks sluggish, and reinjures the (foot/knee/whateverhehadsurgeryon). He is cut after the season. He quits football to become a professional "gold teeth guy" in rapper's videos and starts his own clothing company. We later find out the original cause of his injury: He was victim of a drive-by rickshawing while vacationing in Sri Lanka.

-Bulls draft Beasley and he averages 16.6, 4.5, 2.7 and takes the ROY. Greg Oden would've been up for it, but he died in a plane crash in the Andes.

-Nascar drove in circles and nobody cared. This news is the same yesterday, today and forever.


-In news that previously happened... I woke up the other night at about 3am to a noise that sounded like fluttering above my head. My windows were open, so I figured it might just be a bird perched outside being a bastard. I looked out the windows and found nothing. I forgot about it and tried to go back to sleep. 20 minutes later, I heard the noise again and when I opened my eyes I swore I saw a small black figure dart from my ceiling to the corner of my room. I waited another few minutes, hearing nothing, and thinking I might've still been juiced from the heroin. A moment later, I heard and saw something in the hallway. I got up and looked down the hall, with help from the bathroom light. I saw a little critter buzzing around the living room. A fucking bat.

Long story short, cause it's meeting time and people are having a potluck in my honor (awh thanks). An hour and a half later (1.5, not .5 hrs) I was back in bed. It took forever, it finally flew out into the porch area, then I opened a door from the outside and poof.

But damn if that didn't suck for a while there.

-This post is brought to you by Anything But Basketball, because I'd rather choose to ignore the obvious.

Bye.

736 comments:

1 – 200 of 736   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

bat stories are the best

tem said...

a pot luck in your honor?

wow. they must really like you.

tem said...

haha, celts had more playoff wins this season than regular season wins last year.

tem said...

don't fear the bat. embrace it, become batman and fuck katie holmes.

blue said...

or maggie gyllenhall

blue said...

or kim basinger

El Padrino said...

a bat, fuck

tem said...

i wonder if el tardo's dad died during the celebration.

tem said...

but not uma thurman.

she is nasty.

El Padrino said...

so the celtics handled that well

El Padrino said...

passing babies on the sideline was class

tem said...

defintely michelle pfeiffer though.


fuck her twice.

El Padrino said...

i especially loved the gatorade on doc with like 3 minutes left

El Padrino said...

eddie house is so annoying
between him and cassel it's like two kids on ritalin waiting for the swings to be unoccupied at the park

blue said...

I like that when they took out KG and Pierce, there was all the hugging on the court (s)...and one of the camera men tried to get out on the court like it was the end of the game, and Joey Crawford grabbed him and dragged him off the court.

El Padrino said...

so the greatest coach in the world loses by the widest margin in NBA Finals history

excellent

El Padrino said...

i really enjoyed that too

El Padrino said...

kobe

wft

tem said...

i liked when it was over and there was no more NBA for awhile.

El Padrino said...

i hope spiff is ok

El Padrino said...

kg taking a full minute and a half to answer the st bernard was classic

then screaming like an animal

crying

screaming

and mumbling words

nice work KG
you really represented the NBA well

tem said...

kobe is gonna take this out on numerous anuses.

El Padrino said...

who was the chinese guy clinging on to kg on the sidelines and giggling like a hike skool girl

El Padrino said...

haaaaaaahhahahahahaaa

El Padrino said...

heroin

i caught that
nice work iam

El Padrino said...

pot luck

yum-o

blue said...

"who was the chinese guy clinging on to kg on the sidelines and giggling like a hike skool girl"

that was el tardo (s)

blue said...

KG hugging Bill Russell and telling him "i got one" was hilarity...Bill was probably like, "well I got 10 more than you still"

El Padrino said...

it was disgusting
it was everything i imagined and worse

i dont even know why u stayed up to watch it

El Padrino said...

Lamar Odom was playing hard down 40 though

blue said...

Lakers no-showed just like last year in game 7 against the suns..or was that 2 years ago


MJ never no-showed

tem said...

wft is english breakfast tea?

we were out of normal lipton.

El Padrino said...

i hope people will stop with the mj thing already

it's not even close, light years even

tem said...

"who was the chinese guy clinging on to kg on the sidelines and giggling like a hike skool girl"

short round

El Padrino said...

english breakfast tea is a bit stronger than your regular tea, it's quite delicious and goes well with krumpits

tem said...

'zona to win the west is a bold pick.

blue said...

funking brits

tem said...

wft is a krumpit?

tem said...

does krumpit = scone?

blue said...

Denver to win the west of Whales Vagina, is also a bold prediction

El Padrino said...

never heard of Tea & Krumpits?

could be spelled diffierently

tem said...

denver has mike pittman now.

they will rock.

tem said...

i've heard of tea and krumpits, i just don't know what a krumpit is.


just like beth has heard of saying no, but she doesn't really know what it means.

tem said...

rev eating a veggie burger at a phillies game still baffles me days later.

tem said...

i played tennis yesterday.

now my entire body is sore.

fuck tennis.

blue said...

you was inspired by the el tardo article?

El Padrino said...

"just like beth has heard of saying no, but she doesn't really know what it means."

Zing!

El Padrino said...

rev ate a veggie burger?

WFT?

Were the buns beef patties?

blue said...

no, he was with FiLRev who is a vegetarian, so he figured he'd try it out.

Rev gives thumbs up to veggie burger...thumbs down to veggie hotdog

tem said...

got me el pad, like i said, days later and it still baffles me.

El Padrino said...

i dont believe it, it was either covered in cheez whiz or there was a Chipwhich on top of it

blue said...

Rev should realize, he already married the chick, he doesn't have to impress the dad by eating veggie burgers anymore


if anything, FiLRev should have eaten a real burger and hotdog at the game, to see what its like to be american.

tem said...

"you was inspired by the el tardo article?"

some of my family is in town. so i had to go play tennis with one of them.

blue said...

"some of my family is in town"


were they impressed with the bed skirt?

tem said...

bad news, nevada brothel revenues are down 45%.

tem said...

"were they impressed with the bed skirt?"

they loved the bed skirt. can't stop talking about it really.

i dare to say it works too good. it was too good of a purchase.

tem said...

if you put enough sugar in english breakfast tea it is ok.

blue said...

why are you drinking tea in the morning?

El Padrino said...

"bad news, nevada brothel revenues are down 45%."

Pre-Temlonley? or
Post Tem-Lonlely?

tem said...

because i was dead tired and i hate coffee and did not want to pay $1.25 for a pop.

El Padrino said...

"why are you drinking tea in the morning?"

because it's sterile and I like the taste

tem said...

so it was either fire up some tea or eat ice cream.

ice cream got serious consideration.

El Padrino said...

tea is awesome anyway

tem said...

"Pre-Temlonley? or Post Tem-Lonlely?"


post. i haven't been able to get out to nevada enough. i need to make the time. i need to go out there and screw some whores, you know, for the economy.

blue said...

ice cream >>>> tea

blue said...

tea is for old ladies, southerners and brits

El Padrino said...

I'm neither and enjoy tea daily.

El Padrino said...

once in awhile i'll fuck around with some coffee but it has to be good coffee not shit made with pantyhose

Beth said...

"just like beth has heard of saying no, but she doesn't really know what it means."

I take offense to this, I've said no to guys many times. Like when they ask:

- Is there anything you won't do?
- Do you normally wear panties?
- Do you mind if a few of my buddies join us?

Beth said...

And my last comment was comment # 69, how appropriate... :-)

tem said...

beth is awesome.

El Padrino said...

bethisback!

tem said...

el pad would drink coffee made with alba's panty hose.

Beth said...

I was never gone.

Beth said...

Although I was tempted to disappear from LOV today if H gloated too much.

blue said...

beth makes me smile

tem said...

h is probably still on the last thread talking about the celtics.

El Padrino said...

so far no h

still burning cahs in Atterboro

JFreak said...

EP, I thought Reyes liked Manuel?

El Padrino said...

unrelated my wife put me in hysterics the other day with a cute "clueless girl sports moment"

SNY showed a stat of Billy Wagners 3 blown saves and the heading was "Billy Goat", my wife seated next to me started laughing so I asked her why she was laughing and she said : "Ohmygod, that's so funny, his name is Billy Goat?!"

I was like no, his name is not billy goat that stat is mocking him hence the heading. She quickly stopped laughing and I picked up where she left off.

Unrelated she also asked me why Garnett punches the padding on the basket and throws powder in the air.

El Padrino said...

"EP, I thought Reyes liked Manuel?"

he does, what makes you think otherwise?

he's a gamer, he wants to be out there, he's also just turned 25 years old...dont be misconstrued by the media

iamnicetoyourface said...

oooh snap! b/c i'm not here for lunch on Wednedays, potluck just turned into a breakfast bar, complete with waffle makers and everything!


ooooooh snap!!

JFreak said...

"he does, what makes you think otherwise?"

they almost broke into fisticuffs on the field.

iamnicetoyourface said...

the whole floor reeks of good food smell. so much for the surprise..

blue said...

oh, busting out the waffle makers for Iam....they must really like you

tem said...

or they must be stoked to get rid of him.

El Padrino said...

nah, reyes obviously thought he could have continued, jerry was being cautious

tem said...

its like the party the munchkins threw when the wicked witch got crushed by dorothy.

tem said...

first lov wizard of oz reference?

El Padrino said...

WAFFLES!

any fried chicken?

JFreak said...

Also, I just wanted to say fisticuffs.

El Padrino said...

we have waffle makers in our cafeteria, i use them from time to time

good stuff

iamnicetoyourface said...

the result is all i'll concern myself with

and that result smells like bacon and eggs

iamnicetoyourface said...

and a lady that used to work here (good friend) brought up in a pie on her way to work.

i am loved.

El Padrino said...

you guys ever wonder why drive up ATM's have braille lettering on them?

El Padrino said...

did the cougher bring in some newports?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

There was NBA?

tem said...

"you guys ever wonder why drive up ATM's have braille lettering on them?"

i axed efmtem about this (cuz she worked with ATM folks at the bank) and she said it was part of the disabilities act. stupid as hell, but since you don't have to be driving to use an ATM they gotta put them on there.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"you guys ever wonder why drive up ATM's have braille lettering on them?"

Every time I use one.

iamnicetoyourface said...

EP, just the other day.

tem said...

on a somewhat related note if the US government really has to change the sizes of all the bills so blind people can tell them apart banks are going to have to adjust every ATM out there to make sure it works for the new bills. big expense.

same with vending machines.

tem said...

a better question is why don't the self scan lanes in grocery stores have braille? they should have to if ATMs have to.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

H knows better not to show up.

tem said...

if i was blind i would only use $1 bills. that way i could just count them.

and then nobody would rip me off by replacing a one with another bill. (assuming i could at least tell the difference between a $1 bill and just a piece of paper)

iamnicetoyourface said...

i think Cougher brought in a breathing machine

El Padrino said...

"if i was blind i would only use $1 bills. that way i could just count them."

Ray Charles did this.

NS

tem said...

ray is a smart man.

tem said...

i've also wondered how blind people know to "accept" the amount at the grocery store if they use a debit card.

they can't see it, so how can they know it says the right amount?

i guess they have to have someone come shop with them. or maybe their dog knows.

blue said...

supposedly...there is a ribbon inbedded in 5's 20's 100's that a blind person can feel to ensure they're not getting screwed...you know, because their tactile senses are stronger than normal humans

El Padrino said...

Ray also sewed in numbers that he can feel on his socks, so he knew which colors they were.

1 stood for black
2 for blue

and so on

Ray was a blind man way ahead of his time.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"i played tennis yesterday.

now my entire body is sore.

fuck tennis."

Nintendo Wii can be a bitch sometimes.

El Padrino said...

You can get all this information simply by watching the biopic movie titled "RAY" starring Jamie Foxx.

fantastic movie

blue said...

Ray also touched women's wrists to see whether they were fat or not, before deciding to bed them.

El Padrino said...

Yes, again. Very smart.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fuck tea. Man up & have a pot of coffee.

tem said...

"you know, because their tactile senses are stronger than normal humans"

blind people are super heros.

JFreak said...

Coffee tastes bad.

JFreak said...

Tafoya trying to reach up to interview KG was hilarious.

tem said...

"RAY"

this isn't about sunlight?

blue said...

Ray was a drop of golden sun

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"Is there any chance Spiff has the balls to show up today?

or is he gonna pull a Zeke and disappear for a while, then claim to have "forgotten" about LOV..."

is this one of h's 'jokes'? i post regularly whether or not my team wins or gets obliterated, i do not only post just to gloat when a team favored to win the title wins the title in a sport that i admittedly am not knowledgeable about, nor do i only post to complain about how much it hurts that my 18-0 football team lost in the superbowl

blue said...

the lakers were favored

paula pierce has a vagina said...

all that time looking for odom/gasol, where the fuck was kobe?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

blue is correct, celtics were favorde to win their home games, which they did

El Padrino said...

i love it when big boss goes off
he just destroyed someone in front of everyone

El Padrino said...

makes the giants SB win alot sweeter, blocking the trifecta

El Padrino said...

anyone flpped over to that AFI program on CBS?

El Padrino said...

i did

Tyler said...

Excellent post. My favorite parts were:

"Nascar drove in circles and nobody cared. This news is the same yesterday, today and forever."

"and thinking I might've still been juiced from the heroin."

Awesome job.

Tyler said...

So, football's gonna start soon, right?

Tyler said...

No? And we've got a couple of months of meaningless baseball games to look forward to? Christ.

Tyler said...

This is a suck.

Tyler said...

Damn, just a hair off of the natty z.

Tyler said...

I was eight pins away from a 300 last night. Too bad I couldn't pick up a fucking 10 pin. Left four 10 pins and the 10th was a XX6. Finished with a brutal 178. That sucked.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

EP did you check out that dark knight clip link from yesterday

El Padrino said...

yeah, saw it before you posted it actually

tem said...

HUNGRY

blue said...

i hope tem goes to that first watch place today for lunch, so he can report back on the waitress.

El Padrino said...

Tiger, season ending knee surgery

iamnicetoyourface said...

woah woah.. Dark Knight link?

paula pierce has a vagina said...

i would crush karen filipelli

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I was eight pins away from a 300 last night. Too bad I couldn't pick up a fucking 10 pin. Left four 10 pins and the 10th was a XX6. Finished with a brutal 178. That sucked."

So you weren't even close.

iamnicetoyourface said...

"I was eight frames away from a 300 last night."

fixed?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Tiger, season ending knee surgery"

I totally thought this was a joke.


Its not.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I was eight pins away from a 300 last night."


Your logic is tremendous, though.

The 8th Letter said...

figures, today of all days TPS is kicking the shit out of me...

El Padrino said...

"Tiger Woods is done for the season, the Associated Press reports. The Golf Channel says he has a small stress fracture in his left knee and also needs ACL repair and wants to return at full strength in 2009."

El Padrino said...

so what does miss, the British Open and the PGA Championship?

Keith S said...

Ryder Cup

El Padrino said...

"AP: Golfer Phil Mickelson has injured his mitts while doing cartwheeles up and down his neighborhood street upon learning of the Tiger Woods surgery"

isiah thomas said...

does krumpit = scone?

krumpit is closer to an eg-a-rish muffin

scone is closer to a biscuit.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

furcal not gonna be back til after all star break, great, wft

Keith S said...

100% chance the US wins the Ryder Cup now.

isiah thomas said...

thanks god for the NY Giants.

NS

isiah thomas said...

*krumpit is closer to an eng-a-rish muffin

fixed

isiah thomas said...

seriously - KG has gone from likeable to loathesome in 6 games.

he was still acting like a total d-bag at his post game PC.

fuck you KG.

isiah thomas said...

jesus fucking christ - read this shit:

Woods said on his Web site that Woods will have surgery on his anterior cruciate ligament. He also wrote that he needs time to rehabilitate a double stress fracture of his left tibia, which he said was discovered just before the Memorial Tournament in late May.

Woods said on his Web site that he originally ruptured the ACL in 2007 while running at his home in Orlando after the British Open. He said he decided not to have surgery at that point, and he went on to win five of the next six events he entered (through his Target World Challenge in December).

El Padrino said...

agreed. once he put that boston uni on it went downhill from there

isiah thomas said...

and I know someone already mentioned the season ending surgery, but not the details.

El Padrino said...

woods on a busted leg >>>>>>>>>>
the world

paula pierce has a vagina said...

tiger woods does NOT have a vagina

isiah thomas said...

I mentioned this last night - is this the worst nba championship team in the last 10 years or so?

I think a healthy Spurs team would absolutely crush this Celts team. 4-0 or 4-1.

El Padrino said...

Agreed again. Simmons made that point as well. Suprisingly.

blue said...

Tiger = Phil Rivers?

didn't Rivers play the AFC championship game on a torn ACL...

paula pierce has a vagina said...

beasley measures in at 6'7" wft?

The 8th Letter said...

"H knows better not to show up."

really, Deke? Really?

The 8th Letter said...

Lakers were favored to win the series Spiff. check your facts.

blue said...

"beasley measures in at 6'7" wft?"

beasley = Derrick Coleman

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"tiger woods does NOT have a vagina"

My knucklehead boss tried to argue against this statement with me yesterday.

El Padrino said...

yes, rivers played with a partial tear i think but not a double stress fracture as well

paula pierce has a vagina said...

garnett is awful, he will be complacent now that he got his precious title, he won't have to grovel at russell's feet.

blue said...

yes, but tiger doesn't cut and move and run.

nor have 300lb men trying to obliterate him...although that would make golf more interesting

blue said...

but what Tiger did is still pretty amazing...

Keith S said...

Do you need your ACL to play golf?

The 8th Letter said...

Spiff, all ball busting aside, you have to admit that was a pitiful showing last night by the lakers...

How much did Tony Allen's dunk of the alley-oop (sp?) piss you off? I thought it was a bit classless myself. Surprised it didn't start a brawl.

isiah thomas said...

KG is too over the top with everything

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Tyler said...

White Moses was 2/4 yesterday. White Jesus was 0/4. WJ needs a bounce-back game today.

iamnicetoyourface said...

werent the Celts everyone's preseason pick to roll to the chamionship?

Keith S said...

Let the insufferableness begin...

isiah thomas said...

I thought there might be some fistacuffs at the end as well, none of the celts bench mob GAF that they were up 40 - they kept running the break.

blue said...

"Do you need your ACL to play golf?"

not really, but the torque he puts on that knee, it would still be very painful, i'd think

El Padrino said...

"How much did Tony Allen's dunk of the alley-oop (sp?) piss you off? I thought it was a bit classless myself. Surprised it didn't start a brawl."

how about the entire 4 minutes fro the time garnett, pierce and shuttlesworth checked out?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"really, Deke? Really?"

Hey. Don't blame me for this statement.

isiah thomas said...

great post again FH.

Keith S said...

"WJ needs a bounce-back game today."

WJ is in full slump mode

paula pierce has a vagina said...

tony allen is a nobody, no one cares what he does

isiah thomas said...

Scallabrine got his own post game PC.


re-read that.

he was trying to "break it down" for everyone. I hit the FF button.

El Padrino said...

the gatorade bath kilt me
i dont remember seeing that in basketball, i think because they dont play on grass

paula pierce has a vagina said...

he tore a knee ligament landing from a dunk after the whistle, highlight of his career, and pure hilarity

Tyler said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

paula pierce has a vagina said...

tony allen wasnt the only classless one

isiah thomas said...

how many "motherfucker"'s did KG drop into the mic last night?

at least 5

El Padrino said...

whatever, it's time to move on

it's similar to hearing that Alba was pregnant and engaged to be married

El Padrino said...

Anything is Possible.


How much did Adidas pay KG to scream this during the St. Bernard interview?

The 8th Letter said...

"Hey. Don't blame me for this statement."

you said it!

El Padrino said...

Perkins's kid has a wicked Afro.

The 8th Letter said...

"tony allen wasnt the only classless one"

ok gimme the list. I was in a bar with a bunch of drunk, screaming idiots, so i missed most of the last 5 minutes of the game.

isiah thomas said...

ok gimme the list. I was in a bar with a bunch of drunk, screaming idiots, so i missed most of the last 5 minutes of the game.

anyone who was in the game after kg, pierce and allen came out.

El Padrino said...

i can understand pierce, to a degree, but House, Cassell, KG and pretty much the entire bench were celebrating with about 4 minutes left, even on the court, then pierce dumps gatorade on doc in between a timeout i think

it just looked bad
anyone agree, am i missing something

Keith S said...

Yay. Basketball is over

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