Friday, June 13, 2008

Random Post That Actually Involves Sports.

I am spot-starting today for El Pad because he is in mourning. Sorry to hear about that El P.

So I'm checking ESPN like I'm Shamhoff after he wakes up and boots his computer. Time to get my copy/paste on:

Of course the hot story is the Lakers blowing a 24-point lead. Someone please check on Spiff to see if he's still alive. This is the matchup that everyone wanted, but I've gotta say, it's been terrible so far. Lakers look horrible. Celtics haven't really played much better. No team has ever come back from 3-1; it's science. SG will write about THE BEST GAME EVAR!1!1!1! and how Paul Pierce is a golden god today.

Federal investigators ax two ex-refs about Dick Bavetta. I am positive that they're asking questions about that foot race against Barkley during half-time at the All-Star game. I heard he had 5 G's on Barkley at 2:1. Bavetta is dirty.

It's not too early for someone to set up the LoV Fantasy Football League. Yahoo announced yesterday that leagues are forming, and they finally added a keeper option. I'm just sayin'.

Marshawn Lynch is single-handedly trying to take down the entire Bills franchise. Well, at least there's other things to do in Buffalo besides root for the local football team. Oh, wait a minute, no there's not...

Wagner implodes, Mets lose. In his last three games, Wagner is sporting a 23.14 ERA. Ouch. Maybe it's time to look at other options, Willie.

If the NFL could hurry up and start this weekend, that would be great.

White Jesus with a pinch hit double in the 8th. He also turned a bottle of water that the first base coach was holding into wine while rounding first. It is a good thing that the Cincy isn't playing in L.A. for the rest of this year, I might have found myself hanging out in front of the Reds dressing room and offering to do things to WJ that I would regret later. Whew.

Some Golf news: Tiger and some dude named Phil got paired up; I'm getting bored just writing about it.

Keith's fantasy team continues to be death for professional baseball players. Eric Karabell will blog about "players to avoid" today and it will consist of a screenshot of Keith's team.

So my plan to save Hollywood involves a mandate that Mike Myers and Adam Sandler can only make movies together from now on. That way, we only have to sit through one preview debacle instead of two. Seriously, who is going to go see "Don't Mess With the Zohan" and "The Love Guru"? I heard a rumor that the FBI is showing both of those movies as double-feature during interviews with Al Qaeda sleeper cells as a "breaking technique". I am positive that somehow my mandate will solve world hunger and it may also convince OPEC to lower gas prices. You can thank me later.

For those of you who missed LoVad, here's a quote from Freak: "things be crazy, you". That should pretty much sum up the drunkfest that was last night. We have also started the first ever LoV business investment: it's a delivery service where stoners and drunks can order Taco Bell without having to leave their residence. Unfortunately, LoV members will be spending most of their profits on using the service for themselves. El Pad will announce the IPO and how to invest next week. Stay tuned.

666 comments:

1 – 200 of 666   Newer›   Newest»
paula pierce has a vagina said...

absolutely brutal loss. congrats H, you fuckface

paula pierce has a vagina said...

fucking chokers

paula pierce has a vagina said...

no way i would be more insufferable than a boston fan, sorry the lakers are awful LOV

paula pierce has a vagina said...

APB no longer out for lamar odom. he was found BUT during the confrontation with the abducter, officer pau gasol somehow shot himself in the arms and rendered the limbs absolutely useless

paula pierce has a vagina said...

kobe is absolutely livid, but he reeked this game worse than most of the team

paula pierce has a vagina said...

will be very very interesting to see how he responds, i predict a 2006 game 7 versus the suns performance except not as drastic as that

paula pierce has a vagina said...

hope not though

paula pierce has a vagina said...

series has a 20% chance of going to a game 6, 1% chance of a game 7

paula pierce has a vagina said...

yea gasol helped get tham here but got damn hes hurting them

paula pierce has a vagina said...

fuck boston as a whole

JFreak said...

i totally didn't know we switched over.

JFreak said...

I drove like 9 different vehicles during this past week.

3 different minivans, 1 suv, 2 kia sedans and a cargo van.

I guess that's 7.

I don't think this is normal.

JFreak said...

"Don't Mess With the Zohan"

Call me a crazy drunk, but some of the previews don't look completely awful.

That's probably the point of the previews, though.

JFreak said...

One of the producers (the non-little bitch one) I was working with was from Sherman Oaks.

I asked him if he'd heard about the Fox show in development called, "The Sherm."

He said he hadn't.

I laughed maniacally.

JFreak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JFreak said...

That was weird, I got a blogger error caused by myself.

I don't know that I've ever done that.

Tyler said...

I will agree that Zohan has promise. Guru movie looks like Myers is rehashing failed Austin Powers jokes. Both previews make me want to hang myself though.

Tyler said...

I caused the error.

JFreak said...

My toes feel weird.

Tyler said...

You are drunk.

JFreak said...

tyler, you can guest post for me every week.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"My toes feel weird."

faggot lightweight, bet you had one shot mixed with a 2 leet of soda

JFreak said...

"You are drunk."

this is a truth.

Whitlock should write about it.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

christ sasha most definitely cried once the cameras were turned off, fucking pussy will play like shit (again) next game

JFreak said...

4 jager bombs, 3 screwdrivers, 3 beers.

Shut your mouth when you're talking to me.

JFreak said...

It might have been 4 beers. I may be misremembering.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

phil jax says 'the series is not over, it's not over" about 10 times, i want to believe him but the players will not make his words a reality

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"4 jager bombs, 3 screwdrivers, 3 beers."

i guess the alcohol gets in the blood faster when you puncture your colon with screwdrivers and beer cans. were they philips heads? brutal, did you pour jager right into the wounds?

JFreak said...

I wish tyler would have posted later, my debacle of a post could have gotten to 800.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

when the lakers lose, i hope they dont cry on the bench in the fourth quarter like in 2003 vs. the spurs

paula pierce has a vagina said...

my sniper scope has a spaniard in its sights

JFreak said...

"i guess the alcohol gets in the blood faster when you puncture your colon with screwdrivers and beer cans. were they philips heads? brutal, did you pour jager right into the wounds?"

I think you are trying to make fun of me.

To that I say, "homosexual."

paula pierce has a vagina said...

gasol makes the french look like world beaters

JFreak said...

As in, you are a.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

i need to bring ebola into the new england area, so the the gubment would consider nuking the whole place

JFreak said...

save aitch and joe first, then we can nuke it.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

actually i would like H to be infected with ebola

paula pierce has a vagina said...

no man that fat and with that high of a cholesterol should get to do groupies, enjoy that many world series chamyunships, nba titles, nfl titles. di dyou forget he;s a pats fan freak, you really must be drunk

paula pierce has a vagina said...

garnett doesnt deserve a ring

paula pierce has a vagina said...

posey was insane tonight

paula pierce has a vagina said...

doc rivers? really? is mike brown next? fuck

paula pierce has a vagina said...

please get rid of turiaf

paula pierce has a vagina said...

kobe is too jokey after these losses, dont know what that means

paula pierce has a vagina said...

use the amnesty rule on walton, FORREALZ

Tyler said...

spiff is on fi-ya

Tyler said...

it might be the perfect storm of an alcohol-fueled laker lose though

Tyler said...

*loss

paula pierce has a vagina said...

i ahve no alcohol in my system, amazingly

paula pierce has a vagina said...

craziest thing is, lakers choked on a 4 inch beef frank, not a 16 inch kielbasa

JFreak said...

"di dyou forget he;s a pats fan freak, you really must be drunk"

despite being a dirty pats fan, aitch seems to be a solid guy.

Probably would need a face-to-face meeting to decide whether or not to give him ebola, but first glance is a negative.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

phil jax needs a veteran team, so he needs this team to get old, fast

paula pierce has a vagina said...

eltardo is gonna have a field day, he broke the 1 hour masturbation record after the game

paula pierce has a vagina said...

the thing that really killed the lakers: piece of ass rachel nicols followed the faggots this series and fucking sasquatch shelley smith followed the lakers

paula pierce has a vagina said...

sam cassell's illegitimate child rondo didnt even play big minutes, neither did bird beaked perspirator perkins, what the fuck

paula pierce has a vagina said...

ray allen is borrowing grant hill's ankles and he still annihilated vujacic

paula pierce has a vagina said...

this will be a great off-season

S

JFreak said...

I miss Heather Graham being on Scrubs.

JFreak said...

on the downturn of the drunkardness, time for ibprofen and sleep.

ha kobe, ha.

The 8th Letter said...

CELTICS!!!!

The 8th Letter said...

"4 jager bombs, 3 screwdrivers, 3 beers."

freak, that's like an appetizer. What's wrong with you lightweight?

The 8th Letter said...

"actually i would like H to be infected with ebola"

"no man that fat and with that high of a cholesterol should get to do groupies, enjoy that many world series chamyunships, nba titles, nfl titles. di dyou forget he;s a pats fan freak, you really must be drunk"

just living the dream Spiff. Don't be a hater.

The 8th Letter said...

"despite being a dirty pats fan, aitch seems to be a solid guy.

Probably would need a face-to-face meeting to decide whether or not to give him ebola, but first glance is a negative."

thanks freak

The 8th Letter said...

delayed Z

The 8th Letter said...

no one is here

The 8th Letter said...

how am i supposed to gloat?

The 8th Letter said...

what a come back

The 8th Letter said...

do we have a complete LOV MIA list?

The 8th Letter said...

what's wrong with EP anyways? were you serious about him being in mourning?

The 8th Letter said...

and where are the tittays, Beth?

The 8th Letter said...

do I have to throw out a BBS?

The 8th Letter said...

lesbians and lawyers. lesbians and lawyers. lesbians and lawyers.

The 8th Letter said...

that was a triple beth bat signal

The 8th Letter said...

this is number 15 in the run

The 8th Letter said...

im quickly getting bored though

Tyler said...

stop. you're hurting the internet.

blue said...

fucking lakers

The 8th Letter said...

finally!! I thought I was gonna have to carry this thing

blue said...

although Garnett would fulfill the prophecy that 2008 would be bizzaro year for championships

Eli??? WFT
Bill Self??????? WFT
Garnett????WFT


the cubs are next, mark the words

The 8th Letter said...

it's good to be a Boston sports fan right now

The 8th Letter said...

bask in the glory of Boston. BASK!!

tem said...

"just living the dream Spiff. Don't be a hater.
"

dammit with the "living the dream" crap"

tem said...

what's my comeback to that when the waiter says that? is it "better wake up cause your life sucks"?

i gotta be prepared because i am probably gonna hear it today.

tem said...

EPs uncle died.

which to an italian is like their mob boss uncle dying.

tem said...

oh i mean it is their mob boss uncle dying so they have to go into hiding just in case their whole family has hits out on them.

and/or they have to go kill whoever kilt the uncle.

tem said...

it sounds like LOV AD might be worth a read.

blue said...

hey,

IT'S FRIIIDAY



the 13th

tem said...

things that happened in tem's world last night:

it rained a lot

tem went to a bar

some drunk in the bar (not tem) said the rain was just like a hurricane.

some other drunks (not tem) took pictures of the rain with their cell phones as if a) the picture of rain would come out on a cell phone and b) they had never seen rain before

some other drunks (not tem) decided it would be fun to run around outside while it was pouring. they were fat chicks. when they came inside it was gross. nobody took pictures of them.

some other drunk (tem) thought it would be fun to drive his elantra through 3 foot puddles. it was fun.

tem said...

then tem went to vball:

some chick on the other team called tem for a net violation. we never call that in this league. that would be like someone taking 1st base in slow pitch softball if the pitch hit them.

tem's team got mad and destroyed the other team. they might have cried afterwards (not tem's team the other team).

no pictures were taken again.

blue said...

crazy drunks

tem said...

and apparently LOV AD was hoppin.

blue said...

TP has died as an FMLB manager

The 8th Letter said...

oh man, that sucks. My condolences EP, for real.

blue said...

el tardo already has his game 4 post up.


caution: it's a running diarrhea

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

boston can choke on a chode

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

spiff is highly entertaining when he is filled with hate & spite.

tem said...

el tardo is hilarious.

boston wins the post goes up at like 6am his time.

boston loses the post is 1pm or something.

tem said...

spiff has been on a roll lately.

is it the Spiff era?

blue said...

fucking interleague play

tem said...

interleague this retard.

The 8th Letter said...

I'm loving the Boston hate.

The 8th Letter said...

lotta green eyed monsters in the LOV

The 8th Letter said...

banner #17

The 8th Letter said...

celtics win

The 8th Letter said...

kobe's a bitch

The 8th Letter said...

gasol needs a bath

The 8th Letter said...

where's the lakers bench?

The 8th Letter said...

doc rivers is outcoaching phil jackson

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

thats what happens when your team loads up on supa'stars

The 8th Letter said...

read that sentence again

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

i am proud to bask in the Spiff era

The 8th Letter said...

im ok with stacking the deck Iam

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

lakers have been overrated all year. thats not taking away from boston.. theyve just been over-mediaized all year.

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

buying your way to a championship.. i'm down with that.

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

i'm part owner of the Florida Marlins

tem said...

does not caring at all make me a green eyed monster?

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

what'd the 5 fingers say to the face?

tem said...

"buying your way to a championship.. i'm down with that."

it's the american way.

The 8th Letter said...

"buying your way to a championship.. i'm down with that."

by developing young talent that they were able to trade away to get those superstars. not like in baseball where you can just shell out more money then everyon else (see Yankees and Red Sox)

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

the fingers said SLAP, cause u borrowed San Andreas from me like a year ago and now that im moving i want it fucking back. especially when i got the a hankering to play GTA and im too cheap to roll dough on the new one.

so.. SLAP.

The 8th Letter said...

"what'd the 5 fingers say to the face?"

what?

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

"not like in baseball where you can just shell out more money then everyon else"

let's revisit this when LeBron's contract is up. mofo is goin to the highest bidder.

tem said...

the face borrowed a video game??

tem said...

LeBron is going to end up on the Las Vegas Super Sonics.

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

yes, Face is shifty.

The 8th Letter said...

"let's revisit this when LeBron's contract is up. mofo is goin to the highest bidder."

yea, you can outbid for a single player, but in sports where there's a cap, you can't build a whole team like that

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

"what'd the 5 fingers say to the face?"

what?"


i think even Tem wouldve seen the Rick James sketch..

blue said...

I'M RICK JAMES BITCH

tem said...

instead of cheap ass donuts today we got krispy kreme.

tem said...

"i think even Tem wouldve seen the Rick James sketch.."

you either overestimate me or underestimate me.

i'm not sure which.

i've seen him say "I'm Rick James Bitch!"

blue said...

i went back and read LoV AD...good stuff.

i'm a little worried about freak, his drunken concern about his "friend's" relationship with some chick seemed very much like he was the jilted lover and wished his "friend" would break up with the girl so he and his "friend" could be together, in the biblical sense, at last.

blue said...

krispy kreme is still cheap ass donuts

tem said...

LOV AD brokeback version?

tem said...

"krispy kreme is still cheap ass donuts"

fair enough, but at least it is a name brand and not a box that just says "dough nuts"

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

so freak is finally starting relationships? thats good for him..

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"by developing young talent that they were able to trade away to get those superstars."

are you fucking kidding me? doc rivers doesnt develop anything except dementia in about 2 years, al jefferson is who he is. And he is the only player worth doodoo that got traded. youre not serious, you can't be. developing young talent, ahahahhaha. and superstars plural? they were able to get ray allen by fucking sucking goat nuts and 'developing' the number 5 pick

paula pierce has a vagina said...

and by calling ray allen a superstar, you lost your 5% credibilty you had left, you;re in the same boat as chris sheridan, which isnt really a boat its just a bucket of enema juice

blue said...

spiff is up early


must be how he got that column posted so quick

blue said...

enema juice is funny

blue said...

not to sound like Milton

but a good stapler is an essential tool for your office.

blue said...

"have you seen my stapler"

tem said...

doc rivers might be responsible for the el tardo impending divorce (sorry spiffsg).

blue said...

doc rivers has been boning SH in the anoose?

tem said...

no, he just gets el tardo so worked up that he hits his wife.

or maybe the kid because the SH could probably take him.

tem said...

from AD:

"How much would Mike Tafoya have to pay you to have sex with she/he/it?"


$750,000 after taxes.

tem said...

so freak was blogging while drinking and the other guy was talking to his girlfriend on the phone while drinking?

why weren't they both making inappropriate comments about the ladies(socks) that they saw wondering around?

blue said...

not a lot of ladies wonder (sp) around freak's parents house

tem said...

from AD:

"fsfreak"


hilarity.

tem said...

oops wandering.

spelling nazi.

The 8th Letter said...

"and by calling ray allen a superstar, you lost your 5% credibilty you had left,"

I have very little basketball knowledge. My comments were strictly intended to get you fired up...

Mission accomplished

tem said...

was he drinking at his house?

blue said...

ladies don't wander around freak's house either

blue said...

no tem, he was blogging from the bar on his blackberry (s)

The 8th Letter said...

"no tem, he was blogging from the bar on his blackberry (s)"

I'm not gonna lie and say I've never done this. Though I use a palm Treo, but you get the point.

The 8th Letter said...

i love the fact that spiff is so angry.

The 8th Letter said...

what's the over/under on number of teammates Kobe throws under the bus when this is all over?

who does he force the team to trade away this time?

The 8th Letter said...

or the over/under on the number of white women he rapes...err...has consentual sex with.

The 8th Letter said...

Another Z. I'm rackin them up like Boston is racking up sports championships...

blue said...

kobe wants to be traded

tem said...

fraudulently?

tem said...

by cheating?

tem said...

you are spending a lot of money to get these Zs?

tem said...

you have a wuss pitcher who needs to shut his mouth that helped you get over the Z hump?

tem said...

you traded for a tall angry black man to get you a Z? but he only helps slightly and you are only getting Zs because the other people aren't trying?

tem said...

"no tem, he was blogging from the bar on his blackberry (s)"

i thought maybe he was at BW3s or something with his laptop drinking and watching the game....

tem said...

things be crazy, you.

JFreak said...

I'm bored.

The 8th Letter said...

wow Tem, nicely done. that actually warrants a lol

blue said...

" 4 teens remembered as model Scouts"

bah, they were shitty scouts, they were not prepared.

The 8th Letter said...

"bah, they were shitty scouts, they were not prepared."

they should have dug faster

tem said...

they had a chimney or something fall on them.

wft? why were they by a chimney during a tornado?

tem said...

"wow Tem, nicely done. that actually warrants a lol"

it is hard to get H fired up.

blue said...

fuck united and their $15 bag fee...fuck them in their asses

tem said...

why are you flying again?

The 8th Letter said...

"it is hard to get H fired up."

I argue and yell all day, bro. Comments on a blog really aren't gonna get to me too much.

tem said...

fair enough.

blue said...

next month, i'm going to Seattle, and then in september to Florida


15$ isn't a whole lot, but its the principle. I'm carrying on as much shit as I can now.

tem said...

why are you going to those places?

for work?

iamsupportiveofyourhabits said...

he's going to more 2nd place interviews

tem said...

cmblue wouldn't move to seattle.

although i doubt she worries about him getting 1st place in the interview.

blue said...

"why are you going to those places? "

weddings and vacations


cmblue would probably move to seattle

tem said...

i'm reading el tardo's thing.

people send him emails while they are watching the game about the game???

like they are watching it with him or something?? wft?

tem said...

"cmblue would probably move to seattle"

no she wouldn't.

The 8th Letter said...

I hope I can go to the victory parade in Boston...

that will be fun

blue said...

"people send him emails while they are watching the game about the game???"

yeah, i've never been watching a game and thought, "oh, i need to email eltardo right now about this"

The 8th Letter said...

wonder if they'll use the duckboats like they did with the Sox

tem said...

i 100% don't get sending el tardo emails during the game.

maybe i should send emails from the Indians and San Diego games this weekend. you know, try it on for size.

The 8th Letter said...

lots of victory parades in Beantown in recent years...

tem said...

why wouldn't you be able to go to the parade?

The 8th Letter said...

where'd spiff go? I think I pushed him to the point of suicide with my superstar comments

The 8th Letter said...

"why wouldn't you be able to go to the parade?"

if it falls on a work day. I wasn't able to go to the last Sox one because it was on a Tuesday

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Kobe's post game presser was sweet.

tem said...

LOV AD talk about kobe's press conference was entertaining.

i bet the actual press conference was sweet.

tem said...

why would they have the parade on a weekend??

blue said...

yeah tem, you gotta start out small

blue said...

phil had a good press conference too

"what did you tell your guys in the lockerroom"


"the series isn't over..........."

"that's it?"

"yeah"

The 8th Letter said...

"Kobe's post game presser was sweet."

apparently he was gonna drink 20 shots. I wonder if he missed his mouth with 13 of them...

blue said...

phil also took a few jabs at kobe

"the celtics aren't dumb, they knew kobe hadn't made a basket in the first half and that he'd come out firing in the 2nd"

The 8th Letter said...

"why would they have the parade on a weekend??"

was that supposed to read why wouldn't they have it on the weekend? If so, the mayor of boston said they wanted to try to keep the crowds smaller and also wanted to be considerate of the players wanting to go home to their families after a long season. in 2004 they had the parade on Saturday and it was craaaazzzzy.

The 8th Letter said...

older

tem said...

but the celtics are dumb.

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