Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Nonsense From Tem

Nonsense From Tem is a good title to anything I post. Ever. I'm pretty sure all my sentences are structured correctly, it's just that sometimes the meaning of the sentence is nonsense. Sadly, that's just the way my brain works. Everything is technically correct, but the end results are fracked up. Anyway, let's get to some nonsense.


Shaq rap about Kobe is hilarious. Of course Shaq stopped being relevant about 16 weeks ago so I don't give a rats ass what he says. The Shaq era in the NBA is clearly over. I'm not sure what era it is now but I am sure it ain't the Shaq era. And Shaq covering it up by saying he was just freestyling is beyond dumb. Clearly Shaq hates Kobe. That's fine. I hate lots of people. I hate this chick from downstairs because she is a bitch. She's gotten a little fat lately, added a pouch to her stomach, so now I call her Kangaroo. I think its fucking hilarious, others don't. Whatever. I don't apologize for it. It is what it is. Everyone agrees that she is a bitch, but somehow "kangaroo" is crossing the line. Fuck the line and whoever made it.

In random dream news all of my dreams last night were based on the TV show Simon and Simon. I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm not sure I want to even try. It was nice to see each dream end up in a tidy manner though. Usually my dreams just end with no real resolution in place. All of these dreams (and there were like 5 of them) ended with Simon and Simon catching the bad guy and neither of the Simon brothers scoring with the victimized woman. Oh, and in case you were wondering I was not in the dreams myself, I was pretty much just watching Simon and Simon display mad detective skills.

Melo: Don't trade me, I'm awesome.

Nuggets: OK we won't trade you, but you are suspended for maybe getting a DUI.

Melo: OK well tell me if you are going to trade me.

Something about that just makes me laugh. 85% chance he gets traded.

Meiz, enjoy the Joe Alexander era in Milwaukee, they are drafting him, write it in pen (but keep the white out handy just in case). I know the kid looks just a little retarded. OK, very retarded, but apparently he is not and apparently he has a good motor and a high IQ. Whatever, kid can shoot the ball if he wants to. Of course after you pay him lots of money he might not want to try anymore. $$$ changes folks. Also, don't expect much defense out of him. He used up his defense playing for Huggins.

Why is this Imus fucker in the news again? Let's let him die and let George Carlin come back to life. Or you know, someone else. Pretty much anyone. Bring back Teddy Roosevelt, I hear he was hilarious.

So, I'm running late. Movie Review time:

Get Smart

This is a movie that has just come out, so I know a lot of you, like me, haven't seen it yet. So that will make my review all the more useful to you.

Get Smart stars that guy from either The Office or the Colbert Report. They are really the same dude, but most people don't believe that. Whatever. Anyway, it's also got Anne Hathaway in it, who showed the goods in Havoc. She doesn't show the goods here. It ain't that type of movie.

Basically the plot (SPOILER ALERT) of this movie is that you got a dude who is pretty dumb (aforementioned Office/Colbert guy) and wants to "get smart." That's where Hathaway comes in. She decides to home school his ass and hilarity ensues (think scenes from Billy Madison where the hot chick is trying to teach Billy).

Quick side note: That chick from Billy Madison is hot as hell. 100 helmet stickers to anyone who produces some nude pics of her. 10 helmet stickers for nip slips. Nip slips don't get 100 stickers, don't even try to argue.

Anyway, so Hathaway is trying to get this guy smart. But he's dumb. Finally they just figure out a way for someone else to take his tests and that dude aces all the tests. Then the government steps in and says "wait how the hell did you 'get smart'?" So they study him. But the problem is that he is still dumb. He never 'got smart.' So the government puts him up against monkeys (everyone loves monkeys) in a series of IQ tests. Hilarity ensues. (Think Hooch outsmarting Turner.)

So the government throws Colbert/Office man out on the streets. He meets up with a retarded homeless person (played by Jim Carey, type casting for sure) and they hang out for awhile, hilarity ensues. (Think Dumb and Dumber). Finally Colbert/Office man and the retard win the lottery and become millionaires.

The moral of the story is two fold. 1, if you ain't smarter than a monkey, then find a retard or Jim Carey, you'll "get smart" then. Smart by comparison counts. 2, if you have enough money nobody cares if you "got smart" or not. You are assumed to be smart (see Donald Trump). Note that this does not apply to people who had their parents give them a lot of money (see Paris Hilton).

4 out of 5 helmet stickers (lots of ensuing hilarity).

The End.

472 comments:

1 – 200 of 472   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

Mentioned in the last thread, but once again....

Atta Boy Imus

tem said...

from last thread

"Dan - It think you are way off. One most catchers except for the Veterans"


i can't even get past that sentence to understand what the fuck cummy was trying to say....

tem said...

haha, that photo of the lost Amazon tribe was a fake.

hahahahahahahaha

El Padrino said...

dumb luck king felix

El Padrino said...

i'm glad you ended up getting hurt

ha giveth and he taketh

blue said...

fucking felix...we're not even talking about it....carlos beltran is a bitch

blue said...

and now David Wright isn't going to play tonight...i hate the mets

El Padrino said...

how is beltran a bitch but?
he slid into home plate

felix misremembered he didnt have catchers gear on?

blue said...

and tem

that chick that was in billy madison is married to Pete Sampras, so no nudes of her because tennis is wholesome

tem said...

then no helmet stickers for you.

blue said...

i don't want your helmut stickers

tem said...

don't lie.

blue said...

btw-

fuck orlando bloom, his gay ass gets way too many hot chicks. I hope he dies a fiery death that takes a long time and chars his skin like an overcooked piece of bacon

tem said...

next you'll tell me that you're "just livin' the dream"

blue said...

*firey?

tem said...

who is he fucking now?

El Padrino said...

beautiful women out today

El Padrino said...

deke you grow that jew-fro yet?

blue said...

"who is he fucking now?"

some victoria secret model who likes to hang out half nude

blue said...

the rockies have a "living the dream" contest, where you get to be a "player for the day" and hang out with one of the guys. I immediately thought of tem

El Padrino said...

Imus didn't even say anything bad

wft?

blue said...

yeah, the clip i heard, i didn't think it was that bad.

they're making mountains out of potato chips

El Padrino said...

Good to see Pirates are back, just wish they were old school pirates

blue said...

what do you expect from Al Sharpton though?


Imus could have said "I love black people, show me the monaaaaaaaaaay"

and sharpton would have said that was racist.

blue said...

zeke's chick apologizes


hilarity

El Padrino said...

and tomorrow she'll be writing 800 words on the Imus remark or lack thereof

blue said...

i have an idea for Jemele Hill

how about writing about sports, and not writing about race or religion or diversity...write about sports.

El Padrino said...

i get three starts against the pittsburgh pirates this week

yes!

El Padrino said...

this is what lou pinella must feel like

blue said...

the pirates can score runs, they just can't get anyone out

tem said...

go Pirates.

blue said...

"Two Green Bay, Wis., men — Yeshua Tate, 31, and Joel Mullin-Romo, 20 — face charges of burglarizing the home of Packers running back Noah Herron, who hit one of them over the head with a bedpost when the man came in his bedroom."


so to recap...bedpost >>>>> machete

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Re: cumfast.

I was thinking of the bullpen coach

tem said...

why is jemele apologizing? did anyone even read her column anyway?


that's like farting in your house with nobody around and then apologizing for it a few weeks later to everyone in your office.

El Padrino said...

hilarious comparasion

blue said...

exactly tem

I hadn't read one of her columns in probably a year...I wouldn't have even known she had been suspended if she hadn't mentioned it

blue said...

So rumor has it Javon Walker sprayed champagne on Pretty Boy Floyd and his entourage...


and why Javon thinks that he could lie about what happened when there are video cameras everywhere in vegas is beyond me.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Joe Alexander. Not thrilled.

The Bucks need DJ Augustin

El Padrino said...

Let's reflect with Jimmy The Greek, may he rest in peace:

"The black is a better athlete to begin with because he's been bred to be that way — because of his high thighs and big thighs that goes up into his back, and they can jump higher and run faster because of their bigger thighs. This goes back all the way to the Civil War when during the slave trading, the owner — the slave owner would breed his big black to his big woman so that he could have a big black kid."

tem said...

"I wouldn't have even known she had been suspended if she hadn't mentioned it"

i didn't know this because i couldn't finish her column.

tem said...

all i know is she said something about hitler and detroit...i stopped reading after that because she sucks.

El Padrino said...

glad to see Shaq-Fu back

tem said...

is that true about slaves? if so, i just learnt something.

blue said...

it's true according to Jimmy the Greek


and it makes sense when you think about it...slaves were treated like livestock and you breed your best mare with your best stud to get a big brown

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I couldn't get past the 1st 20 seconds of that Shaq video

blue said...

shaq is awesome

i hope he has his own TV show after his NBA days are over

blue said...

they could have his TV show on TBS

tem said...

it made sense to me too, but that doesn't make it true.

what the hell, i'll treat it as fact.

tem said...

slow day.

tem said...

anything good in AD yesterday?

Keith S said...

"haha, that photo of the lost Amazon tribe was a fake."

Where'd you see that?

blue said...

i dont' think so, it was a slow AD

blue said...

here keith

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Big Diesel's House Of Chins?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"anything good in AD yesterday?"

AD sucked. I blame myself. And Keith.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Wait. Kirby Puckett's dead?

blue said...

fricken pirates

blue said...

"Wait. Kirby Puckett's dead?"

for a few years now deke

tem said...

"Where'd you see that?"

Yahoo!

tem said...

he died of eye cancer or whatever.

tem said...

"Pirates took four European tourists hostage after their yacht ran out of fuel off the coast of northern Somalia in the Red Sea's Gulf of Aden, according to a Somaliland official."


tourists deserved it. yacht ran out of fuel??? whoever is in charge of "filling the yacht up with fuel" is going to get fired.

Keith S said...

His ex wife beat him to death

El Padrino said...

or at least arm yourself
couple of shotties

blue said...

was meiz in florida this weekend?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I wouldn't have lost my arm. Clearly, that guy's not a good gator fighter.

Keith S said...

That's dumb that they kill the alligator to try and find his arm. It's not like the alligator walked into his house to attack him. Dude was swimming in an alligator pit

blue said...

good point

El Padrino said...

poor gator

El Padrino said...

did i ever tell you guys my big boss's name is Larry Holmes?

the jokes run rampant

blue said...

executive comittee here put the kibosh on 4-10's...because not all the departments can do that, so it's not "fair"

fuck fair, life's not fair, i'm tired of this everyone treated equally bullshit

tem said...

life ain't fair blue. it's ironic.

tem said...

it's not fair that you can't do 4-10s because that's not fair.

that might be good irony.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I think I'll just assault crummy today at the Shamford page.

tem said...

cummy is amazingly dumb.

tem said...

comically so actually.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

wall?

blue said...

wall this, retard

iamwhatwilliswastalkinbout said...

i'll need a spot start for tmrw. discuss amongst yourselves.

i'd wouldn't mind seeing some Spiff goodness though..

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

wall

blue said...

deke is a pre-mature walljaculator

tem said...

wall this retard.

tem said...

whoever is fine for the spot start.

iam in on the 10 day DL with "work or something"

tem said...

*iam is...

El Padrino said...

they say the people are TOO nice in nashville

Keith S said...

No afternoon baseball again today. Great

El Padrino said...

15 day DL, retroactive to last start

we will call up someone from the farm system

tem said...

el pad uses the DL that actually exists.

i like making up things. he's on my 10 day DL.

Keith S said...

"Nashville is often labeled the "Athens of the South" due to the many colleges and universities in the city and metropolitan area."

Athens Greece?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Milton needs to stop being a pussy about his hamstring

tem said...

HUNGRY.


also where is tits? she posts on last thread but not here?

sadness.

blue said...

Iam is out with a Nashville

tem said...

yes, athens greece.

not athens GA or OH

paula pierce has a vagina said...

NBA rumor of the day:
maggette and #7 to suns for the captain and #15.

blue said...

"Athens Greece?"

no silly, Athens, NY

blue said...

"maggette and #7 to suns for the captain and #15."

i read that earlier. not sure why the suns would want maggette for a year other than getting out from under the captain's contract.

and i remember thinking that trade seems backwards, maggette is better than the captain, and 7 is better than 15, so why are the clips getting the raw end of the deal.

paula pierce has a vagina said...

maybe because they could get nothing for maggette if he opts out, so they are trying to convince him to not opt out by telling him he'll go to the suns

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Serena Williams looks like Aunt Jemima

blue said...

if the clips lose maggette, brand, and livingston this summer, they'll be awesome next year

blue said...

"Serena Williams looks like Aunt Jemima"

deke imus

blue said...

hundo

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm just stating facts

Beth said...

"also where is tits? she posts on last thread but not here?
sadness."

It's just so hard to post after cmfost ruined my day with his earlier attack on Deke...

(That's from the comments at the end of the last post in case you don't get it.)

blue said...

bacon floss

JFreak said...

"haha, that photo of the lost Amazon tribe was a fake."

"here keith"

so, it wasn't fake, they just had already been discovered.

But I'm not sure why that's a big deal, because I'm pretty sure the original press release thing said something about the Brazilian government saying they've known about those tribes for decades.

isiah thomas said...

NBA rumor of the day:
maggette and #7 to suns for the captain and #15.

SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.

isiah thomas said...

The Captain is in the 1st year of a 4 or 5 year deal at something reasonable like 6$ mil per.

Diaw is the one with the terribad deal.

isiah thomas said...

EP - the gay espn niba draft guy has the knicks taking some flaming euro guy.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH

blue said...

the captain has been included in a lot of trade rumors so far, i don't get that, unless maybe Terry Porter hates brazilians

isiah thomas said...

LB did regress a bit last season though.

blue said...

the suns issue is that they only have 9 guys under contract, and are already over the luxury tax threshhold for next season, which the owner refuses to pay (9 guys assumes Grant Hill comes back)

blue said...

and you were right, barbosa makes 6.1 next season and has 3 years left with a player option for a 4th

JFreak said...

Kevin Youkilis was crying on the field last night.

pansy.

El Padrino said...

hopefully gay niba espn guy is dead wrong

otherwise i will relinquish my Knickerbocker duties

El Padrino said...

hit by a ball in warmups is awesome

tem said...

don't say that el pad.

you'll (knicks) be taking a flaming euro.


short lunch.

El Padrino said...

D'antoni does have a boner for this Gallinari kid

El Padrino said...

i'll start talking myself into getting him over the next 48 hours

blue said...

supposedly he played with his dad in Italy

blue said...

i figured EP would love the fact that the knicks are drafting a paisan

El Padrino said...

yea, i know
i know just about everything about him but would rather them go with Westbrook or Bayless or Gordon or even that retard from WVU

El Padrino said...

it's complicated

tem said...

knicks worked out the WVU tard a couple times.

El Padrino said...

and he lit up MSG during the Big East tourney so he knows the building

JFreak said...

baseball tonight's battle of the bands is we todd did.

blue said...

your link did not work freak

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

just go to the front page

isiah thomas said...

the niba draft sucks now. maybe in a few years the age limit will balance the talent available.

after Beasely, Rose and Mayo seems like there isn't really any more elite talent.

teams are almost better off being outside the lottery and trying to find a gem.

reaching for guys like westbrook, alexander and lopez in the lottery doesn't help your team.

isiah thomas said...

here is part of Ford's description of Westbrook - who he has going 4th overall:

"So why Westbrook? Two reasons: upside and defense. "

defense with the 4th pick?

JFreak said...

I think this is the first eltardo article you can comment on.

all the retards will be out in full force.

isiah thomas said...

I'm not trying to clown Alexander, maybe tem can shed some light.

when I watched him he seemed like a Mark Madsen type with a little more moxie.

Remember Madsen was pretty dang good at stanford. NS

isiah thomas said...

peeped game on "Be Kind Rewind" last night.

be kind to your eyes and don't watch this.

El Padrino said...

i changed on mayo, i'd take him 6th if i were ny

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"be kind to your eyes and don't watch this."

Bummer. I was hoping Mos & JB could pull it off

El Padrino said...

westbrook i think can run a team though, and the knicks need that quick, defensive PG who can pass and lead fast breaks, i dont mind him at #6

El Padrino said...

I like Augustine as well

El Padrino said...

niba draft has been weak since the bron draft, every year it gets weaker

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

BUCKS NEED TO DRAFT AUGUSTIN

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"niba draft has been weak since the bron draft, every year it gets weaker"

2005 was pretty good.

isiah thomas said...

I was hoping Mos & JB could pull it off

parts of it were alright, black plays the kooky guy role pretty well.

I was, for some reason, expecting more.

Keith S said...

On this day in 1960...

American high jumper John Thomas cleared the bar at 7-foot, 2-inches and broke his own world record at the AAU championships in Bakersfield, Calif.

TP's great-grandson was there to see the record broken, and he was also there when mize broke the record last year.

tem said...

"I'm not trying to clown Alexander, maybe tem can shed some light.
when I watched him he seemed like a Mark Madsen type with a little more moxie.
Remember Madsen was pretty dang good at stanford. NS"


i know little about Madsen.

Joe is a good shooter and can create his own shot (in college, not sure if he can in the pros). huggins had to ride his ass hard for about 25 games before joe decided that maybe playing defense was worthwhile. i fully expect him to forget this in the pros.

tem projects Joe to be a reliable shooter in the pros. tem does not expect Joe to play much defense and tem does not expect Joe to be able to create his own shot in the NBA. Joe is pretty atheletic, but I can't even count the number of better atheletes who failed in the NBA.

blue said...

"i changed on mayo, i'd take him 6th if i were ny"

he won't be there at 6

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Keith, I allegedly said something that got a comment deleted at BCS last night. I chuckled

tem said...

wft is BCS?

tem said...

Joe was born in Taiwan.

Keith S said...

"Keith, I allegedly said something that got a comment deleted at BCS last night. I chuckled"

Were you in the wm e hall disguise?

blue said...

Bowl Championship Series...it's what west virgina would have won, had Rich Rod not sabotaged the Pitt game.

El Padrino said...

if he is, iwassayin

blue said...

fuck this debate bullshit...el tardo and il retardino talking shit at each other is stupid

tem said...

"Bowl Championship Series...it's what west virgina would have won, had Rich Rod not sabotaged the Pitt game."


fucking dick rod....

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Were you in the wm e hall disguise?"

Yeah. That was me.

blue said...

good work on destroying the cumfast one deke

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I said something about their long-winded comments that was apparently so bad, they had to delete it.

blue said...

the fucking royals, man, the royals

tem said...

is bcs shamfords place or something?

blue said...

bcs is a brew crew blog

Keith S said...

"I said something about their long-winded comments that was apparently so bad, they had to delete it."

I saw that long comment. There was a funny line in it but I can't remember it now.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"good work on destroying the cumfast one deke"

That was just an appetizer in case he tried to launch a comeback.

El Padrino said...

Ford and Simmons keep arguing about last year's draft conundrum and it's pissing me off.

El Padrino said...

deke, jew-fro

yay or nay

don't dance

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"bcs is a brew crew blog"

Just a Milwaukee blog.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"deke, jew-fro

yay or nay

don't dance"

Its a good look. Am I rocking one? No.

El Padrino said...

3 slices of pizza, one chicken parm hero and one mini-white pie slice


i am full

El Padrino said...

"Its a good look. Am I rocking one? No."

you pondered it, wanted to know if you followed through, if you do, please post pic

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm having sweet & sour chicken, and chicken fried rice with hot pepper oil.

Delicious.

isiah thomas said...

"As a team defender, he's already light years ahead of someone like Amare Stoudemire. So there."

is Simmons referencing at the same point in their careers or right now?

help (read: team) defense is what Amare does best defensively.

I think Ford is making spiffg look retarded in this "debate"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"you pondered it, wanted to know if you followed through, if you do, please post pic"


Duly noted

Keith S said...

"I think Ford is making spiffg look retarded in this "debate""

Yes

paula pierce has a vagina said...

deke, just ask cummy how your ass tastes

tem said...

"3 slices of pizza, one chicken parm hero and one mini-white pie slice"

what's el pad weigh in at? 240?

isiah thomas said...

I'm having sweet & sour chicken, and chicken fried rice with hot pepper oil.


what will you be having for your main course?

blue said...

have they gotten to the 3rd pick yet?

blue said...

have they gotten to the 3rd pick yet?

isiah thomas said...

I closed er down, figured I'll peep game when they're done.

El Padrino said...

zeke we are gonna have some production on our bench with Nady and Yuni back

good problem to have i guess

blue said...

nope, not yet

paula pierce has a vagina said...

"Joe was born in Taiwan."

exactly what pushed him over the edge for the bucks, he will be able to conversate with the chairman

blue said...

conversation I had today:

co-worker: is Africa a continent?

blue: yes

co-worker: so it's a country and a continent, ok

blue: *blank stare*

tem said...

no they have not done #3 yet.

El Padrino said...

"what's el pad weigh in at? 240?"

shockingly no
i was blessed with a great metabolism but it is starting to catch up with me, hence the silly diet noise i was making on my blog

i got a pic of me sporting a six pack only 2 years ago

that six pack is still there, just hiding beneath some "brush"

Keith S said...

You should have told co-worker that Africa is not incontinent.

tem said...

South Africa is a country.


Africa is a continent.


south Africa is the southern part of a continent.

Keith S said...

TMSPT

tem said...

i drank a six pack on sunday.

and one on monday.

El Padrino said...

"i drank a six pack on sunday."

i think this is the "brush" i referenced

El Padrino said...

#3 pick spffg took Love

Keith S said...

I made some kielbasa last night. Tonight it's pierogies.

Keith S said...

"#3 pick spffg took Love"

Disgusting

isiah thomas said...

i drank a six pack on sunday.

and one on monday.


Don't stop, believin'....holdontothisfeeeelin'.

isiah thomas said...

I made some kielbasa last night.

where'd you buy this from?

blue said...

"South Africa is a country."

yes, i know this, but i was not about to correct her.

El Padrino said...

Color Me Badd approves of the #3 pick.

El Padrino said...

keef's taping his inner pollock

El Padrino said...

*tapping

isiah thomas said...

temlonely - can we get an ETA on your "milk was a bad choice" moment?

vidyeotape if possible, but pics will suffice.

please advice

blue said...

"#3 pick spffg took Love"

i figured at 3 he was going to have a trade...the memphis grizzlies trade the #3 pick in the draft and Mike Miller to the Celtics for Sam Cassell

El Padrino said...

i made that joke not reading the spiffg capsule in which he refferenced CMB...

fucking shoot me

Keith S said...

"keef's taping his inner pollock"

I'm 25% pollock

isiah thomas said...

older

Keith S said...

"where'd you buy this from?"

I have pollocks in my family that make it.

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