Friday, June 06, 2008

Live from Brooklyn, NY

Couple of fights in beisbol lately. Good stuff. I like that sort of play. Last week it was Kemp and Torrealba rolling around on the grass and last night it was Coco Puffs vs. the Rays.

I hate to say it but I have to. Black athletes are careless with their money. There is a slang term for this. One I won't print because it's insensitive and racist but I think you all know it. Sounds like : Trigga Rich. I'm looking at you Evander Holyfield.

Oh in case youz were wondering the Celts were +165 to win the series while the Lakes were -220. I know you guys rely on me for that information and I don't want to disappoint.

Now, it's been 30 years ok. 30. That's kind of a long time. Do you think Big Btown will win? I sure hope so. I love horse racing and I love history. Official bet for me will be a simple trifecta with Big Brown, Casino Drive (horse was specifically trained for this race) and Denis of Cork. Box the bet because shit, it's been 30 years.

Now, without further ado. My running diary of the 4th quarter of Game 1 between the Los Angeles Lakers and Boston Celtics. Enjoy.

(all standard eastern time)

Were live from the 6 room apartment aka The El Pad (literally a pad) in Brooklyn, NY. I have a Peroni standing tall, the A/C blasting away and am finishing off a slice of L&B pizza, my 6th of the night.

(Transcript)

11:14pm : There's a St.Bernard on the court talking to Doc Rivers.

11:16pm : I want to learn how to whistle like the Zen Master.

11:17pm : Everytime Powe grabs a rebound I think of Cameron Poe and Cyrus the Virus.

11:18pm : something, something Ted Kennedy, something else.

11:21pm : Posey WWWWWWWWWWIIIIDE Open 3. Someone missed a rotation. Time out Zen Master.

11:23pm : Was Pierce really hurt? I thought Forest Gump was going to sprint on the court and throw him on his back.

11:26pm : Sam Cassell should be sitting down right about know. Simmons is probably warming up some charcoal to swallow.

11:27pm : Fisher buries a jumper for his daughter.

11:28pm : I got $50 that says Turiaf's neck tattoo means "Ham Steak".

11:31pm : Kobe getting a blow. No white girls vagina's were torn during this blow.

11:34pm: The Strangers movie trailer is fucking frightening. Jesus.

11:34pm : Hancock? WFT?

11:35pm : Collier Brown Jr. with some nice help defense there.

11:36pm : Van Gundy is hilarious. Unrelated. Him and Stan have to have different fathers or mothers no? They do not look like brothers. A furry hedgehog and a tiny old pitbull. Yeah. Right.

11:38pm : Jackie Moon makes me laugh. I care nothing about whether or not the movie sucks. The commercials are money.

11:41pm : Vo-yah-chick most likely buys feminine products like Summer's Eve douche. Or Always unscented Maxi Pads with wings.

11:43pm : 2 minutes remaining, Gasol shoots 2, foul on the Big Ticket. I've learned in this playoffs that Gasol can finish like no one's business.

11:45pm : Rondo with a decent stat line here. Maybe I'm wrong about him. Celts up 6, arrow stays with Celts. Collier with a nice hand from the crowd.

11:46pm : BAAAAAAAAAAANGING HANNNNNGGING dunk follow from the Big Ticket, that was monstrous and the crowd ate it up. Game over as far as I'm concerned.

11:48pm : Garnett buries two huge ft's. T/O Zen Master C's up 8 with a minute.

11:49pm : Jolie killing people? I'm in.

11:51pm : Lakers not fouling. Odd. Kobe conceded there, like Hillary should have weeks ago.

11:52pm : Beat LA. How original. Looks like Kobe took the 4th quarter off. No serious. Ask me if MJ ever took off a 4th quarter in the Finals. Go ahead. Ask me. Shut your mouth when your talking to me. You know the damn answer to that.

11:53pm : C's had better D down the stretch. And Kobe must have a white girl waiting for him at the hotel cuz he split from this game with about 4 minutes to go. They win 98-88. Paul Pierce with a huge 3rd quarter once he came back from that sniper shot.

11:54pm : The St. Bernard is back. Where is security?

11:55pm : Game 2 Sunday - C's up 1-0.

From all of us hear at The El Pad we say goodnight and remember to spade and neuter your domestic pets.

610 comments:

1 – 200 of 610   Newer›   Newest»
Spaceman Spiff said...

pierce is a straight up bitch, a female

isiah thomas said...

wow.....EA on Jimmy Kimmell....

and I mean

WOW

El Padrino said...

I'm delayed on EA

my local news is first

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"That loser got the Cubs a sandwich pick?

Sweet."


Dude, the Brewers got picks for Scott fucking Linebrink.

isiah thomas said...

EA isn't wearing a bra and her pups are still large and in charge.

JFreak said...

I got money on Denis of Cork.

His race from last to third in the Derby was supremely impressive.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm going to bed

JFreak said...

So the whole Boston-Tampa fight was because Crisp got pissed about someone trying to get him out two days ago?

Pussy.

Beth said...

This one's for you EP:

Chipper's line from last night's game - 4 for 5 with a HR, raising his major league leading average to .418 :-)

tem said...

i think we some youtube EA on kimmel action.

tem said...

I got to work fucking early today.

tem said...

and appropriately forgot how to use verbs.

tem said...

i could probably go on one hell of a run right now.

tem said...

but i need a donut and i need to tidy up some things for a 9am meeting.

tem said...

someone said today is national donut day.

tem said...

i got mugged on my donut. the icing on top is too hard.

tem said...

or too dry.

tem said...

or both.

tem said...

by the by good post today.

tem said...

running diaries are always good.

although i was going to do one tuesday, so now i have to think of something else.

tem said...

el pad is a couple steps ahead of me.

tem said...

kobe is going to lose the first 3 games and then win the next 4.

just to show he can.

tem said...

no he won't do that.

tem said...

now it is meeting time.

sadness.

Beth said...

If your meeting didn't stop your run I would've.

Beth said...

I actually checked already for youtube footage of EA on Kimmel, but all I found was this footage of some spelling bee skit they did where EA was a judge. I didn't watch the whole thing but EA doesn't appear in it too much (but she does look quite nice when you do see her).

The 8th Letter said...

"So the whole Boston-Tampa fight was because Crisp got pissed about someone trying to get him out two days ago?"

well he was mad anout how Bartlett blocked second base with his leg on an attempted steal. A couple innings later he took out the 2nd baseman needlessly on a late slide. We all know I'm a Sox homer, but this whole thing was Crisp's fault.

The 8th Letter said...

How about Youk and Manny going at it. That was an interesting turn of events.

The 8th Letter said...

and for good measure...

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUL PIERCE!

blue said...

solid efforting EP

blue said...

I think the carrying pierce off the court was a bit much, fucking pussy

blue said...

I mean, we're talking about a dude who was stabbed like 17 times, he can't walk off the court? c'mon

El Padrino said...

gracias

El Padrino said...

yeah, like i said, i was waiting for PFC. Gump to throw him on his back and carry him to the rendevous spot

El Padrino said...

I GOTTA FIND BBUUUUUBBBBBAAAAA!

blue said...

I was RUUUUUUUUUNNNING

The 8th Letter said...

Say what you want about Pierce, but he still was a huge part of that Celtics win

The 8th Letter said...

I came to work this morning and I was still drunk from last night. always fun.

El Padrino said...

Bagels and cheesepie

yippe

El Padrino said...

anyway i figured c's would grab game one, it's game 2 where i think the lakes will steal one

El Padrino said...

did anyone file a missing persons report for Kobe?

blue said...

kobe is a bitch, he's so tempermental

temstration period

El Padrino said...

Chipper is hot beth, no doubt...

El Padrino said...

missed EA, just too late

Beth said...

"Chipper is hot beth, no doubt"

And he's playing pretty well now too...

El Padrino said...

that's disgusting beth

El Padrino said...

for bettors, sat at post time it will be 96 degrees, heat index of 101....

extremely dry track, humid

blue said...

i'd plow EA

El Padrino said...

well, yeah.

El Padrino said...

i wouldnt plow chipper though

just for the record

El Padrino said...

apparentely beth would

but what else is new

El Padrino said...

beth would "anna benson" the entire braves roster

JFreak said...

"well he was mad anout how Bartlett blocked second base with his leg on an attempted steal. A couple innings later he took out the 2nd baseman needlessly on a late slide. We all know I'm a Sox homer, but this whole thing was Crisp's fault."

I thought I would get grief from you on this one. Good on ya.

JFreak said...

"From all of us hear at The El Pad we say goodnight and remember to spade and neuter your domestic pets."

You know it's "spay," right?

El Padrino said...

"You know it's "spay," right?"

no clue

blue said...

EP is no Bob Barker

JFreak said...

a rolling stone gathers no moss.

JFreak said...

Go away Kelvin Sampson.

Stop soiling IU's reputation.

Beth said...

"beth would "anna benson" the entire braves roster"

Well there may be a few scrubs I'd leave alone...

El Padrino said...

Jorge Campillo is not your type, I understand.

Beth said...

Well not after his last game he isn't...

The list of Braves who are my type starts with Francoeur and Chipper. :-)

paul pierce has a vagina said...

dusgusting

paul pierce has a vagina said...

disgusting even

Keith S said...

Camping is out. Motherfuck!
At least I won't miss the midseason draft now.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"From all of us hear at The El Pad we say goodnight and remember to spade and neuter your domestic pets."


What about my feral pets?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm hoping to find an internet connection up north for the draft. I'll say that there's slightly less than a one percent chance of that happening.

El Padrino said...

"What about my feral pets?"

Garlic, oil, saute, enjoy.

El Padrino said...

when is that again?

Keith S said...

Sunday

blue said...

midseason draft is hilarity

El Padrino said...

fucking a what time

blue said...

does it really matter?

Keith S said...

"fucking a what time"

Is your internets broke?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

2 days, 1 hour & 35 minutes from now.

blue said...

1PM EDT

Keith S said...

Funny

The 8th Letter said...

spiff, stop whining

Keith S said...

Do all horses have Rik Smits' feet?

The 8th Letter said...

"I thought I would get grief from you on this one. Good on ya."

c'mon freak, if nothing else I've never been one to blindly say the Boston teams are always right and the other guys are always wrong.

Local sports radio was calling crisp and ramirez punks for their behavior last night. Seriously, Manny, how are you the LAST one to get there to defend your teammate. The guys in the bullpen got there before him.

paul pierce has a vagina said...

im not whining, lakers lost straight up, im just pointing out the fact that paul pierce is a pussy, in case anyone somehoe missed the fact

he cried like he was shaun livingston, then got carried out columbine style, then goes to the tunnel in a chair, then says 'let me try to put some weight on it'. the trainers say 'no, that's a bad idea dont do that, you may be badly injured, who knows what happened to your leg', pierce then says 'no guys you dont understand *winks* let me try to put some weight on it" and he's good to go

blue said...

it was his Rod Tidwell moment

blue said...

ya know

The 8th Letter said...

"the trainers say 'no, that's a bad idea dont do that, you may be badly injured, who knows what happened to your leg', pierce then says 'no guys you dont understand *winks* let me try to put some weight on it" and he's good to go"

yea but you don't know how it feels today. Haven't you ever hurt something playing sports, were ok to finish the game, then it sweleed up or got wicked sore the next day? I'm not saying he pulled some hero ish last night, but he definitely would not let himself miss the rest of that game. And he very well could have done more damage by playing...

paul pierce has a vagina said...

this just in, sources have confirmed that pierce has been watching an incredible amount of soccer videos instead of game tape while preparing for the finals. also, a person in the celtics camp has confirmed that pierce has added manu to his fave five and has been talking to manu non-stop. when asked for comment, manu replied 'even I don't do anything like that, i didn't teach him that'

blue said...

"then it sweleed up or got wicked sore the next day?"


wicked sore is awesome

Keith S said...

lol @ wicked sore

The 8th Letter said...

"wicked sore is awesome"

"lol @ wicked sore"

that's the Boston comin out of me. I'm fired up!

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

So PP was trying to steal Willis Reed's gig?


I can respect that. Probably should have waited for a better time to do it, though.

paul pierce has a vagina said...

yes, sprained ankles can be played through and then get worse the next day, but pros dont CRY over sprained ankles. pierce literally cried about a skinned knee, which, as you know, only little kids or bitches do

paul pierce has a vagina said...

willis reed actually tore a muscle, if he was dead, he would have rolled over... you know

blue said...

maybe pierce is more tender from all the stabbing

Keith S said...

Pierce probably got stabbed by SG last night...iykwim

blue said...

el tardo has changed his son's name from Tom Brady Simmons to Paul Pierce Simmons

paul pierce has a vagina said...

the stabbing, shouldnt he be tougher now, higher pain tolerance after that experience, maybe if he had a pair it would be

Beth said...

"pierce literally cried about a skinned knee, which, as you know, only little kids or bitches do"

Just for the record, I wouldn't cry over a skinned knee. :-)

Keith S said...

Lakers win the next 4

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I get depressed when I see some of these hot women that come in here.

and envious.

blue said...

ok, how badly skinned?

Keith S said...

Do you stick your chin out when they walk in?

blue said...

why do you envy hot chicks?

are their fake tits not as saggy as yours or something?

blue said...

somebody needs to send Meiz a push-up bra

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"why do you envy hot chicks? "

Okay, maybe that was the wrong choice of words. I don't envy the hot broads. Well, maybe I do because they have waaaayyyy more money than I do.

It saddens me that I have just a regular chick.

Keith S said...

fmmize is a lucky girl

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Luckily, my mitts aren't a pronounced feature.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"fmmize is a lucky girl"


I have no idea who you're talking about.

paul pierce has a vagina said...

shouldnt you just be happy you have a chick that (presumably) doesnt have chins like you

blue said...

there is some guy who just saw gfmeiz and got envious.


it's all a matter of perspective

El Padrino said...

hot bitches are crazy

blue said...

hot chicks are bad in bed...it's a proven fact

blue said...

with the exception being Megan Fox

JFreak said...

shortcuts

Website I worked for the other day. Basically, they let you put coupons on your member card of a grocery store instead of clipping them from the newspaper.

It's only like a month old, so there's not a lot of retailers, but I thought it was kind of cool.

paul pierce has a vagina said...

fucking spammer

Keith S said...

spiffg's all mad and stuff

blue said...

freak is an ad-bot?

paul pierce has a vagina said...

porn thinks of everything:
"Gov Love: The Eliot Splitz Her Story"

El Padrino said...

awesome

JFreak said...

"spammer"

hey, if you don't like saving money, that's fine by me.

paul pierce has a vagina said...

"hey, if you don't like saving money, that's fine by me."

according to you, you can put coupons on your member card INSTEAD of clipping them out, soooooooooo, if you didnt spam, i could still SAVE MONEY by cutting coupons

dolt

El Padrino said...

they have no stores in the nyc metropolitan area

Keith S said...

He's right

paul pierce has a vagina said...

also, if this is for groceries, you dont really need coupons nowadays, they have deals all over the store just for having a card.

JFreak said...

Whatever, I thought it was a good product. If you don't like it, so be it.

Keith S said...

New SG. Don't read it

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Okay I'm over it.


I wish youse could see the badonkadonk that's in here right now. Wawa wee wa!

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Ugh. Just noticed the cankles.

Keith S said...

"I knew this Finals was too good to be true."

See, fans are selfish that way.



Um, no. That's just how Boston fans are.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

We don't have Kroger

El Padrino said...

"Ugh. Just noticed the cankles."

I have a friend like this. Everytime we are at a bar he finds a flaw in every girl we/he talks to. it's fucking amazing

isiah thomas said...

Just for the record, I wouldn't cry over a skinned knee. :-)

We're sure those knees callused up a lonnnnnng time ago beff.

isiah thomas said...

Pierce is a bitch. plain and simple.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I have a friend like this. Everytime we are at a bar he finds a flaw in every girl we/he talks to. it's fucking amazing"


I've been doing that for years.

But for real, fat ankles is a deal breaker for me.

El Padrino said...

for the record, two men climbed the NY times building yesterday

one professional and one not so professional

El Padrino said...

i'm leaving early to give it a try
wish me luck

Keith S said...

Was it the same guy that got arrested?

El Padrino said...

both men got arressted

Keith S said...

I don't want to jinx a good thing, but did someone that rhymes with Measle die?

Keith S said...

I mean the same guy that got arrested the other day climbing the Empire State Building

El Padrino said...

"I mean the same guy that got arrested the other day climbing the Empire State Building"

negative.

blue said...

you have to be pretty bored to just go around climbing buildings

isiah thomas said...

I don't want to jinx a good thing, but did someone that rhymes with Measle die?


Teddy Bruschi doesn't rhyme with Measle. Don't tease.

tem said...

"Camping is out. Motherfuck!"

why?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I don't want to jinx a good thing, but did someone that rhymes with Measle die?"

Fingers crossed

JFreak said...

"why?"

per last night, fmk is sick.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

::fearing the milk may be out::

tem said...

"yea but you don't know how it feels today. Haven't you ever hurt something playing sports, were ok to finish the game, then it sweleed up or got wicked sore the next day?"

i broke my ankle playing bball with efmtem's dad when i was still trying to impress him. once it swelled up and got numb i just kept playing on it. it hurt like hell at first, got all numb, then later hurt for a month.

blue said...

Clint Eastwood is still pretty bad-ass

blue said...

i would think having a broken ankle would hurt

Keith S said...

"why?"

Because I invited females

tem said...

"
per last night, fmk is sick."

ah, damn that fmk.

tem said...

"Because I invited females"

this is different than freak's reason. which is it?

tem said...

"Because I invited females"

also, this means that fmk wanted to go camping with you and 10 of your male friends...and only male friends???

Keith S said...

And all my buddies left this morning for a bach party this weekend. I'm fucking pissed off

Keith S said...

"this is different than freak's reason. which is it?"

It's both. I invited chicks and shit gets ruined

El Padrino said...

"i broke my ankle playing bball with efmtem's dad when i was still trying to impress him. once it swelled up and got numb i just kept playing on it. it hurt like hell at first, got all numb, then later hurt for a month."


efmtem's dad crossed you over
that's embarrassing

tem said...

"i would think having a broken ankle would hurt"

yes it hurt like hell.

it was right before a spring break trip to mexico too. the plane ride was horrid. i did almost cry when the plane pressurized, my ankle hurt a lot then.

but once i got to mexico and started drinking 10 cent coronas the pain went away.

tem said...

"And all my buddies left this morning for a bach party this weekend."

skiing in WV?

El Padrino said...

told you

chicks ruin shit

Keith S said...

Camping was going to be fmk, her sisters and brother, and a few other friends. Pretty much all young hot chicks, which is why I didn't mind.

I'm stupid

Tyler said...

Beth, I heard the following ad was placed on the ATL craiglist. You might want to check it out and shoot over an email.

"Local Atlanta sports icon, set to undergo shoulder surgery, is seeking a hot, single nurse practitioner to give "a helping hand" three to four times a week during recovery and physical therapy. $150 per session. RN certification not mandatory, but a plus. Previous experience with full release massage a plus. Must like beards. Email smoltzy@johnsmoltz.org"

tem said...

"efmtem's dad crossed you over
that's embarrassing"

actually it was this short old dude and his even shorter buddy. the shorter buddy set a pick on me and because he was verne troyer height i never saw him....and then ran him over and busted up both my ankles...one was broke, the other just spraind.

efmtem's dad didn't help matters by not telling me there was a pick.

Keith S said...

"told you

chicks ruin shit"


You're right. I should have listened

tem said...

keith tried to set up a camping trip where it would be him, fmk, two fmk siblings and a bunch of hot chicks and thought this would work out??

blue said...

fuck them, go camping anyway

Keith S said...

"efmtem's dad didn't help matters by not telling me there was a pick."

So he has no reason to be mad about the temgagement

tem said...

beth would pay $150 to jerk off smoltz. smoltz would not have to pay her.

tem said...

"So he has no reason to be mad about the temgagement"

other than the six grand or whatever he is out on lost deposits, wedding dress, etc, etc.

Keith S said...

I would go anyway, but this weekend is fmk's bday so I don't want to go and have to deal with the bullshit when I get back.

tem said...

which ftr i wrote him a check for but he refused to cash.

Keith S said...

"other than the six grand or whatever he is out on lost deposits, wedding dress, etc, etc."

Weren't your medical bills were more than that.

blue said...

she still has the dress i'm sure, you're not on the hook for that. she'll get married someday

blue said...

"which ftr i wrote him a check for but he refused to cash."


because he knew it would bounce

Keith S said...

I speaking engrish good

El Padrino said...

"there will be bullshit"

starring FMK
co-starring keef

El Padrino said...

T that was hilarious.

Keith S said...

"there will be bullshit"

That's a weekly sitcom

Tyler said...

"which ftr i wrote him a check for but he refused to cash."

That's his revenge. He'll cash that in like five years just to eff you over.

tem said...

"Weren't your medical bills were more than that."

no, it was free because i was still in college and on the football team so i said it happened while training.

tem said...

"He'll cash that in like five years just to eff you over."

i actually paid the $20 to have a stop payment put on the check just so he couldn't do this.

Tyler said...

Wow, that's thinking ahead.

blue said...

tem is responsible


temsponsibility

isiah thomas said...

TBS is happy to announce "This is Bullshit" will precede "Tyler Perry's House of Chins". Check local listings this fall.

The Superstation.

blue said...

They know comedy

tem said...

i had to because i wouldn't put it past him to sit on it for 8 months then cash it.

and its not like the bank would ever pay attention to the date i wrote it and say "hey this is a mighty old check to be cashing"

tem said...

i am only temsponsible at random times.

it is not a consistent thing.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"efmtem's dad crossed you over
that's embarrassing"

I crossed up one of my bosses when I worked @ Country Club of WI. He's a teaching pro & couldn't swing a club for a month.

It was definitely the nastiest UTEP 2-step I ever put on somebody.

Keith S said...

"it is not a consistent thing."

Inconsistemt

El Padrino said...

Meiz I'd absolutely destroy you in basketball

isiah thomas said...

It was definitely the nastiest UTEP 2-step I ever put on somebody.

considering Deke's lbs, this guy must have been a huge lard-ass.

tem said...

"Inconsistemt"


nice, i like the use of tem there for sure.

paul pierce has a vagina said...

"i did almost cry when the plane pressurized, my ankle hurt a lot then."

see, almost. almost doesnt count. paul pierce is a lesbian

Keith S said...

So's your mom

paul pierce has a vagina said...

plus, in no way did you tear up on the court i assume, and you were not carried off 'nam war style

tem said...

no i limped my ass of the court.

no tears.

tears are for girls and little kids.

Tyler said...

"and you were not carried off 'nam war style"

Spiff is on fire with this Pierce stuff. Bravo.

Tyler said...

I broke my ankle at work, drove myself to the ER, and waited two hours in the waiting room. When they X-Rayed my foot, they had to put it in the most painful position ever to do it. X-Ray tech was Satan, I'm sure of it.

Tyler said...

I forgot to mention that I never cried, even after the surgery where they put a plate and six screws in there.

Tyler said...

And Paul Pierce is a biatch.

Tyler said...

But that was already proven.

Tyler said...

and then

Tyler said...

older

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"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino