Dan Shanoff Sucks

So, I did a google search the other day. What I found was disheartening. The front page of results for "Dan Shanoff Sucks" are links to his own "writing". I deem that to be a problem. People should know that DS sucks, and when they search for info about him sucking, they shouldn't be sent to his website. I've therefore decided to compile a list of reasons why Shanoff sucks.

Dan Shanoff sucks firstly, and most importantly because he is an awful, terrible, horrendous sports "writer".
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a hack.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he copies his stories straight from espn.com headlines.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he doesn't watch the sports he claims to cover.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a douchebag.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he doesn't have any balls.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he deferred to his "wife's" favorite team.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he is the biggest bandwagon fan in the history of bandwagon fans.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he gives other men blowjobs.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a self-important prick.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he can't stop tem from sexing up his wife.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's associated with deadspin.
Dan Shanoff sucks because when I looked up "suck" in the dictionary, I found a picture of his goofy face.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he has a goofy face.
Dan Shanoff sucks because "Around the Horn" wouldn't even bring him back as a panelist.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he has a lemming infestation.
Dan Shanoff sucks because his own "loyal" readers don't care for him.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he writes for the Sporting News, the worst sport outlet on the planet.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he considered naming his kid Joakim.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he thinks his shit don't stank.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he gives away sex for money.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he thinks he's in a position to give others advice on how to raise their children.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's gay.

Dan Shanoff sucks because he spawned Cumfast.
Dan Shanoff sucks because rich garces has better tits than him.
Dan Shanoff sucks because even jemele hill is a better writer than him.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he prides himself on only collecting Jewish Baseball Player Cards.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a lazy, no good, stay at home mom who calls Matt Leinart a bad father when he himself does nothing to provide for his family.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he thinks its funny to belittle ESPN analysts he doesn't like who get fired, when ESPN was smart enough to realize that 10 dollars a day was too much money to pay Dan Shanoff for his daily quickie.


Dan Shanoff sucks.