Thursday, May 08, 2008

Dan Shanoff Sucks

So, I did a google search the other day. What I found was disheartening. The front page of results for "Dan Shanoff Sucks" are links to his own "writing". I deem that to be a problem. People should know that DS sucks, and when they search for info about him sucking, they shouldn't be sent to his website. I've therefore decided to compile a list of reasons why Shanoff sucks.

Dan Shanoff sucks firstly, and most importantly because he is an awful, terrible, horrendous sports "writer".
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a hack.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he copies his stories straight from espn.com headlines.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he doesn't watch the sports he claims to cover.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a douchebag.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he doesn't have any balls.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he deferred to his "wife's" favorite team.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he is the biggest bandwagon fan in the history of bandwagon fans.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he gives other men blowjobs.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a self-important prick.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he can't stop tem from sexing up his wife.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's associated with deadspin.
Dan Shanoff sucks because when I looked up "suck" in the dictionary, I found a picture of his goofy face.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he has a goofy face.
Dan Shanoff sucks because "Around the Horn" wouldn't even bring him back as a panelist.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he has a lemming infestation.
Dan Shanoff sucks because his own "loyal" readers don't care for him.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he writes for the Sporting News, the worst sport outlet on the planet.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he considered naming his kid Joakim.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he thinks his shit don't stank.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he gives away sex for money.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he thinks he's in a position to give others advice on how to raise their children.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's gay.

Dan Shanoff sucks because he spawned Cumfast.
Dan Shanoff sucks because rich garces has better tits than him.
Dan Shanoff sucks because even jemele hill is a better writer than him.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he prides himself on only collecting Jewish Baseball Player Cards.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he's a lazy, no good, stay at home mom who calls Matt Leinart a bad father when he himself does nothing to provide for his family.
Dan Shanoff sucks because he thinks its funny to belittle ESPN analysts he doesn't like who get fired, when ESPN was smart enough to realize that 10 dollars a day was too much money to pay Dan Shanoff for his daily quickie.


Dan Shanoff sucks.

662 comments:

1 – 200 of 662   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Nice post freak.

Beth said...

That was NS btw.

Beth said...

And while I've got the run of this place, let me go ahead and mention that Chipper went 2 for 4 last night. He's now hitting .429 for the season.

Beth said...

And I'm rooting for another slapper today. C'mon Zeke, you know you're up for it, just choose a random opponent.

Beth said...

Ok, got my Z out of the way for today.

H said...

morning

H said...

I would think this post would have generated more interest by now...

H said...

Dan Shanoff sucks because he spawned Cumfast

Tyler said...

We're still worried about Shamhoff? Lame.

Tyler said...

I thought we were over that.

Steve said...

"We're still worried about Shamhoff?"

i don't think "worried" is the right word.

blue said...

Dan Shanoff sucks because rich garces has better tits than him

blue said...

Sean Salisbury manages a Denny's better than Dan Shanoff

Steve said...

more and more i like the "new" Kobe. not only is he actually playing basketball now (instead of 1 vs 5) but he's the guy that has the balls to stand center court in front of thousands of fans AND the opposing team and make comments like "we'll be playing in June".

awesome!

Steve said...

and then go out and beat that team

iammadeofsteel said...

i wish this post was funny.

ns

iammadeofsteel said...

it is an appropriate level of humor though, based on the writer.

iammadeofsteel said...

i also thought we were over shammy.

Steve said...

More Cheating From The Pats

Steve said...

"it is an appropriate level of humor though, based on the writer."


i believe that was a dig.

iammadeofsteel said...

drag the cold steel across ya fayce

Steve said...

in a subtle iam kinda way.

Steve said...

i enjoyed the post. yes, DS has been played out, but it directly corresponds to LOVs Hate Long and Hate Often philosophy.

Steve said...

American Terrorist

kinda makes ya proud, don't it.

iammadeofsteel said...

it's just kinda ironic how freak complained about rehash comments yesterday, then posts this list that has as much zing as a 13 yd old with a peachfuzz sweat mustache.

tem said...

I thought it was as good as a post as we have had this week.

blue said...

tem just likes it because it mentions him plowing shamford's wife

iammadeofsteel said...

it is definite D- quality. we're proud.

tem said...

my tea is too cold now.

it went from way too hot to way too cold way too quick.

tem said...

it was a hard box to get into in.

iammadeofsteel said...

twss?

iammadeofsteel said...

or maybe twTJWs

tem said...

twith

tem said...

dilbert was funny today.

tem said...

LOV is 7th and 8th on the Shanoff sucks search now.

blue said...

tea?

blue said...

are you british now

blue said...

fucking communists

tem said...

jemele hill wrote some story about karl malone not wanting to be a daddy.

tem said...

coffee tastes like shit and tea is free. pop costs money.

iammadeofsteel said...

karl malone want beanie baby

blue said...

tea is dirt in a bag

iammadeofsteel said...

is he not proud to be a strong, black man?

i hope jemele crucified him.

blue said...

karl malone likes to drive his truck

iammadeofsteel said...

he needs to lead our people and provide a good role model for the next generation.

tem said...

jemele tried to be mean, but it just wasn't.

and

"tea is dirt in a bag"

i'm from WV, what did you think I would drink?

tem said...

from jemele:

"It makes his apparent reluctance to be a father to Bell that much more astounding, especially when you consider that Malone also grew up fatherless. Malone's father committed suicide when he was 3."

umm, how is it astounding? he grew up without a dad so he doesn't see why it is important. it is probably more expected than unexpected.

tem said...

zeke needs to email his girl and tell her she is dumb.

tem said...

dan shanoff sucks because even jemele hill is a better writer than him.

blue said...

it is astounding


plus cheryl ford is a fat ass

blue said...

karl malone don't be liking fat women

blue said...

A-rod is going to rehab with the Rays, because they're like a AAA club

tem said...

it is not astounding.

i am not astounded.

i expected it.

tem said...

The Rays tow your car and give you maps?

blue said...

why was the olympic torch going to the top of mt everest? that seems kind of pointless to me.

sources have confirmed that there were protesters at the peak and they blew out the flame.

El Padrino said...

i just got in

haaaaa

El Padrino said...

"peachfuzz sweat mustache."


hilarious.

El Padrino said...

tea is the drink of life

Steve said...

"why was the olympic torch going to the top of mt everest?"

yea, i thought the same thing. you can tell China is excited to playing with the big boys.

tem said...

why was el pad late today?

tem said...

i thought water was the drink of life.

tem said...

its nice having tits at the top of the page.

blue said...

water is the drink of champions

tem said...

i thought that was wheaties.

blue said...

you don't drink wheaties, unless your jaw is broken and you choose to have your wheaties pureed.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

That was one of the more interesting posts in a while

El Padrino said...

water is the nutriment of life

El Padrino said...

i was late cuz i slept past the alarm clock

which was Al Green's version of "Unchained Melody"

I should stop waking up to Al Green, he's so smooth he makes me want to just stay in bed and drink sweet iced tea with pie.

El Padrino said...

reminds me
i wish MTV would do some more Unplugged

those were always good
I listened to Nirvana's on the way in and man I remember how off the hook it was

El Padrino said...

Remember Eric Clapton's Unplugged?

shit was butterz

I bethca Rev masturbated to that one.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fuck the Brewers

tem said...

i thought you drank wheaties because they got real soggy real fast.

tem said...

i wonder what rev would do for prince unplugged?

blue said...

music sucks today, who is going to do an unplugged? Fergie?

tem said...

country music does unplugged all the time.

but they call it "stripped" not "unplugged"

El Padrino said...

"music sucks today, who is going to do an unplugged? Fergie?"

Doesn't have to be an artist from "today".

tem said...

H could do an unplugged.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Didn't Hov do an unplugged thingy where he pretty much did the Blueprint & Black Album?

blue said...

"MTV has filmed over 100 Unplugged performances but less than 30 of them have been released"

per wiki

El Padrino said...

yeah meiz he did
and it was great

i actually cant think of a unplugged that was bad

although i distinctly remember Neil Diamond yelling at his drummer for fucking up two songs

blue said...

according to MTV they still do the unplugged show, they had Bon Jovi and Korn in 2007

blue said...

looks like they only do a couple a year now

El Padrino said...

the latest one i saw was Korn's

El Padrino said...

i dont like bon jovi exscept for three songs but i bet their unplugged show would be good

El Padrino said...

h should do unplugged comment was LOL

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Milwaukee broads love Bon Jovi.

El Padrino said...

All broads love Bon Jovi

Beth said...

Saw this video on the local news this morning and instantly thought of LOV (god that's sad...)

Reds mascot loses his head

El Padrino said...

Lauren Hill's unplugged was good but weird, she kept crying ans shit, it was kind of uncomfortable

Beth said...

"All broads love Bon Jovi"

I don't love Bon Jovi

El Padrino said...

hahaahahahahahaaaa

red head busted his ass

blue said...

reds mascot was funny

El Padrino said...

southern girls are not broads beth

duh

blue said...

they are gals

Tyler said...

Papelbon wants starter.

Tyler said...

I don't think many people saw this on AD last night, but I have a man crush on Cliff Lee.

Tyler said...

Picked him up off of waivers at the beginning of the year. He has been teh awesomeness.

El Padrino said...

cliff lee dominates

El Padrino said...

not gals

they are belle's

Tyler said...

Yeah, they're belle's

El Padrino said...

the name of my strip club will be Broad's and Belle's

El Padrino said...

and in Wisconsin it'd be Hogs and Heifers

ba-dum-dum

Steve said...

Bon Jovi is the 90's/80's equivalent of Daughtry. ie..he sucks ass.

Tyler said...

Ha! Zito still can't get a win. Fuck the Giants.

Tyler said...

That's 2.5 million a loss so far.

El Padrino said...

i gotta respect bon jovi
they might stink but they sell

Steve said...

"i gotta respect bon jovi
they might stink but they sell"

so did nsync

Tyler said...

Joey Votto with three home runs yesterday. That's just crazy.

Steve said...

but i see what you're saying

El Padrino said...

"so did nsync"

oh shit i didnt know nsync has been around for 20 years

Beth said...

Ok, I'll accept belles. :-)

blue said...

jon bon jovi owns an AFL team

Beth said...

"Bitches" also works. :-)

El Padrino said...

Bitches is funny

Steve said...

"oh shit i didnt know nsync has been around for 20 years"

ep getting defensive. i bet he has Bon Jovi posters in his bedroom.

Steve said...

"I've seen a million faces, and i've rocked them all!"

no...you've just seen a million faces.

El Padrino said...

no, just pointing out your weak example

and those posters are NKOTB

El Padrino said...

"new kids on the block sucked alot of dick, chinese food makes me sick"

Spaceman Spiff said...

gomez's cycle kept me from having an absolutely putrid showing last night

tem said...

he rocked them all because he likes to rock the dudes too.

Spaceman Spiff said...

bynum might have surgery in a few weeks, his knee is awful

tem said...

50yr old office manager at my old job had a ridiculous fetish for bon jovi.

like went to the concert sat front row and threw her underwear at him. tried to get back stage to "give him head or something."

she was 50 so i am sure JBJ was down with it.

JFreak said...

Charles Barkley reading the teleprompter

El Padrino said...

tem works for a groupie

El Padrino said...

chuckster gor punkd

blue said...

I wish I had groupies

El Padrino said...

bucholz sucks
3 bad starts for every good one

blue said...

what do you expect out of a youngster

blue said...

chuck gettin played was funny

El Padrino said...

anyone want him
he still has a high K total and will probaly win 10 or so games
i dont want any red sox on my team (cept for Ellsbury, which will never happen)

El Padrino said...

oops

check is going out today
it was in my wife's pocket book since sunday night

i have to take matters into my own hands now

tem said...

papa johns is doing the 23 cent pizza thing here.

tem said...

"tem works for a groupie"

***used to

tem said...

deadbeat list:

el pad

tem said...

super HUNGRY

tem said...

a leaving for lunch z

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"jon bon jovi owns an AFL team"


John Bongiovi


*fixed

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"and those posters are NKOTB"

I had one

El Padrino said...

i was kidding mize

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"papa johns is doing the 23 cent pizza thing here."


What? I want.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"i was kidding mize"

I understand. But it doesn't erase the fact that I had a New Kids poster.

isiah thomas said...

"it's just kinda ironic how freak complained about rehash comments yesterday, then posts this list that has as much zing as a 13 yd old with a peachfuzz sweat mustache."

*clearing throat*

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FACE!

El Padrino said...

classic

El Padrino said...

i dont have to tell you guys that papa john's is awful right

Keith S said...

"i dont have to tell you guys that papa john's is awful right"

Christ, it's 23 cents for a pie. Who cares how bad it is?

El Padrino said...

.23 is pretty cheap

Spaceman Spiff said...

23 cents in ohio only deke because they made fun of lebron

large, 1 topping

Keith S said...

I'd pay .23 for the pie, get full, then I would have extra money for a nice OG dinner the next night.

El Padrino said...

wow what a day









S

isiah thomas said...

this post reeks of hypocrisy:

"Since we're apparently just saying the same things over and over, I'm going to stop putting effort into this and just use the same quote I've used before."

"Fuck yeah, another basement comment.

You're a comedy god." *replace basement with Shanoff

major TPS today so let me leave you with this:

basement
freelance boom mic holder
sock

GOOD NIGHT NOW

Keith S said...

I laugh when people who don't have jobs rip on the jobs that other people have.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I laugh when people who don't have jobs rip on the jobs that other people have."

Yep.

H said...

H has done unplugged shows

Keith S said...

GOLF PICKS!!!

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

too late.

tem said...

how did the unplugged show go?

tem said...

when you call they don't tell you about the 23 cent deal and if you ask about it they stress that it is for pick up only as if pick up is some sort of punishment.

tem said...

and yes, for 23 cents i will eat papa johns for sure.

Keith S said...

You should buy a bunch of the .23 cent pizzas and then sell them on eBay. You'll be a millionaire

El Padrino said...

i still cant believe mariah married nick cannon

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I guess I'll have to eat Pizza Hut today.

H said...

"how did the unplugged show go?"

pretty well actually. people keep asking us to do more. I got bored with it though

Keith S said...

I won't eat PH until they bring back the Bigfoot pizza

tem said...

deke just go to ohio and get pizza.

tem said...

you should do more unplugged shows H.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I would love a backup catcher

tem said...

"You should buy a bunch of the .23 cent pizzas and then sell them on eBay. You'll be a millionaire"

maybe i will buy them and freeze them and eat pizza for 1yr.

Keith S said...

"maybe i will buy them and freeze them and eat pizza for 1yr."

Good call. Microwaved pizza is good.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I really hope we get this new apartment

El Padrino said...

i'm being baited and i know it

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I won't eat PH until they bring back the Bigfoot pizza"

Oh man. I remember that fucker. Good times.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

EP's offense is fuck pounding me

Spaceman Spiff said...

bigfoot was solid

Keith S said...

"Oh man. I remember that fucker. Good times."

That was my job in hike school. I took one of those bigfoots home just about every night.

El Padrino said...

i hope verlander wakes up tonight

El Padrino said...

"I took one of those bigfoots home just about every night"

TWSS

tem said...

"I really hope we get this new apartment"

why wouldn't you?

tem said...

"Good call. Microwaved pizza is good."


hahahaha, hilarity...i'd use the oven.

tem said...

i am not sure i am familiar with the big foot pizza.

Steve said...

"I laugh when people who don't have jobs rip on the jobs that other people have."

who's doing this?

Spaceman Spiff said...

yea anyone can get an apartment, your deposit just might be higher with bad credit

tem said...

i figure the answer is something like cgmeiz doesn't want it.

Steve said...

"cgmeiz"

cg?

tem said...

current girlfriend

Keith S said...

fmmize

tem said...

not engaged though right?

Steve said...

ahhh, for that matter. what excatly does the fm stand for?

El Padrino said...

i thought meiz was a propenent to NOT move in with a gf

tem said...

strict rules for cm, fm, etc.

tem said...

fm = future mrs.

or in the case of fmbeth future mr.

tem said...

"i thought meiz was a propenent to NOT move in with a gf"

he might be, but since when does the guy get what he wants?

Steve said...

somebody needs to lay out an LOV abbreviation index for those of us that don't read all the comments.

tem said...

LOA

lordz of abbreviations.

Spaceman Spiff said...

i thought fm was just long time/steady gf

Steve said...

"i thought fm was just long time/steady gf"

likewise

tem said...

i thought you had to propose first, otherwise it was just cg.

tem said...

looks like i am wrong.

damn.

El Padrino said...

Texeira wants 10 year 200 million

tem said...

closer to newer....

tem said...

old

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