Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Continuing drunk post week

So I had a good idea for a post. It would have been a long post with lots of awesomeness. But then I got drunk. Kind of like that "then I got high" song. But instead of high, I am drunk. I am seriously thinking about taking up recreational drugs. I am hoping to start with weed and move into coke and shit. It's really a long term plan. I doubt I will go through with it though because finding a dealer sounds like work. And there is that whole jail thing. I don't really think I would do well in jail. I don't think sarcasm is taken well there.



In any case that's how shit goes for me. I have great ideas and then I either fuck them up (see efmtem) or shit goes wrong and it's not my fault (see efmtem). I know I used the same thing. It is complicated. If I had a better example I would write about it.



Better example. This chick I know is just getting a divorce so in an effort to try to be a nice person I figured I'd send her flowers to cheer her ass up. You know, flowers are at the front desk, go get them if you want to be happy. Anyway, I actually looked up the meaning/symbolism of different flowers and found some shit called a snowdrop. Sounds like a shot of vodka mixed with lemonade and snow or some shit to me, but whatever it is a flower. The intraweb says it symbolizes hope and consolation, makes sense to send to a chick that just got divorced. Consolation for the past, hope for the future and whatever...So I says to myself, send that. But no store sells it. Fuck. That's how shit goes for tem. Either I fuck it up myself or fate fucks it up for me. In this case it is fate.



On the other hand I have a job and a place to live so I shouldn't bitch. Fuck evolution or whatever makes me want to bitch about things. That my friends is why drinking is so nice. One it kills brain cells and makes me dumb like the rest of the people (not the people who read this obviously, we are all fucking geniuses here) and two it makes it a lot easier to rationalize stuff. So I can tell myself I am not a dickhead and actually believe it.



The truth is though that I am nice, but just fuck things up at the last possible second. I'm that guy. Whatever, someone has to be him. Might as well be me. Kind of a self fulfilling prophecy though. Whether you think you can, or think you can't you're right. I had a shirt that said that. It was from football or something. Believe it or not, but tem was pretty good at football back in the day. I'm probably like Al Bundy though and just get better in my head the older I get. I never scored 4 TDs in one game though. I never scored more than 1 in a game. But I did score, so I got that going for me.



Moving on to real world sports or something, WWL says "Kobe's gonna play." No shit. It is the playoffs, quit trying to make news when there ain't any. There is news in other places, report on it, don't make your own. Posada's hurt, I didn't even know.



Pens are up 2-0 in their hockey series. Go Pens. Fuck the other teams.



OJ Mayo is in trouble....Not. USC is in trouble. WGAF? Any athlete worth anything is getting "illegal" benefits. Hasn't anyone seen The Program (great movie by the way) or Blue Chips? These movies are documentaries. They are 100% true and real.



Speaking of movies I'd list my top 5, but I am too drunk to think of them. I gotta think that Diggstown and the Fox and the Hound make it (see yesterday's comments). Necessary Roughness might make it. Old School and Usual Suspects. There, put them in order for me. Usual Suspects in 1 though. I love that fucking movie. This just in, my movie taste sucks.



Political crap: I am probably going to vote for whatever jackass the dems throw out there. Politics has deteriorated into some form of shitty entertainment. Like something Bravo would show. "How will the gov't fuck up next?" Anyway, after 8 years of the same show I am up for something new. Let's see how the dems can fuck shit up. I am sure it will be a different way to fuck up and it will be rip roaring hilarious. The end result will be the same though, shit will be fucked up. It is the path they take to get there that is the entertainment. There is a quote about that, but I'll be damned if I can remember what it is. Honestly I can't remember the last thing the government did that was good. That last paragraph would be a lot funnier if it weren't 100% true.



Frozen snickers bars are good shit. Try some.



I am spelling and typing pretty well for being this drunk. I was out on my deck, but decided to come inside when I nearly fell off. Long story, but I dropped my beer and decided that I could lean over and get it. I couldn't. It is still out there. I think downstairs neighbor lady will find it and throw it away for me. She seems nice like that. I should have put a note in it telling her to bring it back to me if it was still cold or if she found it soon.



Yesterday neighbor lady rang my doorbell to ask me if her brother could park his trailer in my driveway thing while they unloaded some crap. If I hadn't been dead tired, hungover and only partially clothed I would have offered to help. Hell if it were only two of those three I would have offered. I am still not sure why I even answered the door. wft is wrong with me? Don't answer that. Anyway, I should have helped. It would have been nice. Instead I went back to playing GTA 4 and tried to find a shirt. Finding a shirt was actually pretty easy.



I just previewed this shit. Apparently I talk more when drunk than meiz. I am not sure I would be cool to hang out with when drunk. I need to study on when to shut up. Like this one time in college me and my buddy were getting hammered at a bar with some chicks. Well at least I remember them being chicks. Anyway, the bartender comes by and says "last call" so tem says "last call? that means it is time to decided who's going home with who." It turns out that the chicks decided to go home by themselves. Looking back it was probably a bad move to say that. Oh well, I have a story to tell now. And it is more original than saying I got hammered and fucked some chick. At least that is what I tell myself....A missed opportunity is a missed opportunity and it fucking eats at you. Speaking of.....



If I had a time machine I would change these 5 things about my past:


  1. I wouldn't have ditched my buddy in 6th grade at the WWF. Dick move. I regret it every day. ns

  2. I wouldn't have dated the girl my hike school friend had a crush on. Sure she had a great rack and gave great head and let me plow her a lot, but it hurt his feelings and I could have plowed some other chick.

  3. I would have went to WVU and not Kenyon. Fuck that expensive quality liberal arts education.

  4. I would not have been faithful to some hike school gf (different than above) when I was in France with Danny Ainge's daughter (school trip, her school was on same trip mine was). I could have gotten some Danny Ainge daughter action.

  5. I wouldn't have called off my wedding. That didn't turn out so well. 20-20 hindsight is a bitch. I gotta say I hate my life now.

5 things I wouldn't change:



  1. I'd still purposely fuck up my FBI interview because my current job seemed good.

  2. I'd still date my college friend's ex because she was hot and he turned out to be a douchebag.

  3. I'd still have skipped that baseball game to go on a date or something with my hike school gf. Fuck baseball, coach benched all of us seniors anyway.

  4. I'd still have traded in my Eclipse on my Elantra. The Elantra has been a solid fucking car.

  5. I'd still say "usedtacould" whenever I get the chance. Shit cracks me up and I am from WV, so EAD people who don't like "usedtacould." (As in I can't run a sub 5.0 40 yard dash anymore, but I usedtacould."

OK, that is enough.

624 comments:

1 – 200 of 624   Newer›   Newest»
Keith S said...

Solid drunk post.

Keith S said...

And NYC sucks.

Keith S said...

Hanging out with drunk tem might bring on a lot of TMI moments.

Keith S said...

For those who don't read LoVAD...

First off, EAD.

Second, tem spent $65 of his $100 Crate & Barrel gift card on a bed skirt.

JFreak said...

scrubs fans (tem and beth?)...

scrubs is coming back for another season on abc this fall.

enjoy.

JFreak said...

crazy seminole

dude played all nine positions in one game. and hit a grand slam.

Beth said...

Thanks for the heads up on Scrubs freak! I wasn't sure where it stood.

And great post Tem, but I totally agree with Keith in that hanging out with drunken Tem might end up with tmi at times. :-)

tem said...

tem does not need to be drunk for TMI.

tem said...

this season on ABC will be Scrubs' last correct?

tem said...

i hope iam does a drunk post too.

Tyler said...

Dude. Get some help, Tem.

El Padrino said...

wow so how's tem feeling this am?

Tyler said...

And you had an Eclipse? That explains SO much.

El Padrino said...

"Second, tem spent $65 of his $100 Crate & Barrel gift card on a bed skirt."


I lurked and saw that but didnt feel like logging in...

yep, i'm that lazy.

anyway, Tem the nut dept. would like thier nuts back

blue said...

*usedtacould

blue said...

where the fuck did my comment go.


it said "i always laugh at usedtacold"


thus the *usedtacould

tem said...

tem is feeling fine today.

El Padrino said...

again, sorry bout your break-up thing, i imagine it sucking as you explained

NS

El Padrino said...

moving on all bets are off when the subject gives great head AND has a nice rack

great head is not always easy to find

El Padrino said...

unfortunately it usually means she's sucked more than a couple of dicks so there's that

tem said...

i should go back and read what i wrote.

blue said...

did anyone else see Lebron's mom get all up in KG's grill and start yelling at Pierce, when Pierce pulled Lebron out of bounds on a fastbreak. hilarity.

and then lebron told his mom to shut up and sit down.

tem said...

"unfortunately it usually means she's sucked more than a couple of dicks so there's that"

yeah and it was in hike school and she was a seasoned pro then.

tem said...

i did not see that.

Beth said...

"unfortunately it usually means she's sucked more than a couple of dicks so there's that"

And that discounts the greatness of the head how...? :-)

blue said...

bron's mom stuck a forearm in KG's chest

tem said...

as always beth chimes in with a solid point.

tem said...

bron's mom doesn't take no shit.

she is from Akron.

tem said...

from freak's link:

"Posey went 1-for-3 with a grand slam, two walks and two runs scored. He retired the two batters he faced in relief and played errorless ball in the field in a home game shortened to seven innings by the 10-run rule."

they have the run rule in college??

blue said...

"And that discounts the greatness of the head how...? :-)"

exactly, it's hikeskool, you ain't marrying the chick, you just tell her "the dick is in my pants if you want to suck it"

El Padrino said...

"And that discounts the greatness of the head how...? :-)"

absolutely not
jus sayin, some guys cringe when they find out things like how many people the girl had previously been with or whatever

i could give a fuck less

El Padrino said...

"yeah and it was in hike school and she was a seasoned pro then."

don't forget, WV

tem said...

haha "this just in, my movie tastes sucks." did i write that or did someone add that?

tem said...

yeah the WV factor definitely adds some years to the skill level.

blue said...

i had something to say but now I don't

El Padrino said...

celtics stink

El Padrino said...

celtics win championship = Cardinals in 2006

blue said...

cardinals in 2006 were barely a .500 team, the celtics had the best record in the NBA, it's a little different

tem said...

"i had something to say but now I don't"

you usedtacould remember things better.

tem said...

Cavs win the title = Cards 2006.

except Bron > Poo Holes.

blue said...

megan fox topless

blue said...

everyday should start out that way

El Padrino said...

"cardinals in 2006 were barely a .500 team, the celtics had the best record in the NBA, it's a little different"

in the EAST. that warrants mentioning..

and the jist of the point is the best team won't be the champions which is often the case

tem said...

i don't get why she is wearing pasties though.

tem said...

if the celts keep playing like this whoever comes out of the west will win in 5.

tem said...

Jazz win the title this year.

Stockon and Malone cry for hours remembering their failures.

blue said...

celtics have home court advantage throughout, they don't need to win on the road

blue said...

(s) on the not needing road wins

blue said...

there was a guy at the laker/jazz game in Utah wearing a karl malone lakers jersey...there's all kinds of things fucked up about that.

blue said...

H must have found a new list of deadbeats to harass

Steve said...

"this season on ABC will be Scrubs' last correct?"

hu. one more on ABC. they have been saying "this is the last season" for 3 years.

blue said...

yes, but Bill Lawrence (scrubs producer) has insisted this will be the last season, and he's writing it as such...and it's not a full season, it's a fall pickup of like 10 episodes.

Steve said...

yes, but Bill Lawrence (scrubs producer) has insisted this will be the last season, and he's writing it as such...and it's not a full season, it's a fall pickup of like 10 episodes.


glad to know Bill is back. he hasn't been writing since season 4 or 5 i think.

tem said...

irregardless i still like scrubs.

tem said...

TPS is calling.

I'm trying not to answer.

H said...

excellent post, tem. Accurate portrayal of drunken depression. I've been there many times.

for what's its worth coming from a complete stranger, I do really feel for you, man. NS

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I wuz on the radio this morning.

Steve said...

Gotta Love Those Auzzies

Dude buckled in the beer but left the 5 year on the car floor.

El Padrino said...

Priorities seem right

Steve said...

one more for ya...

240 lb seal sexualy assults a 30 lb penguin

ns

tem said...

seal link is hilarity.

tem said...

hilarity.

JFreak said...

"this season on ABC will be Scrubs' last correct?"

to my knowledge.

JFreak said...

I see that question has already been answered.

tem said...

it has.

seal link is still cracking me up.

tem said...

what's the yahoo midseason fmlb league number?

blue said...

"Sexual harassment is common in the animal kingdom"

El Padrino said...

meeting

tem said...

""Sexual harassment is common in the animal kingdom""

they say that then use humans as an example.

human sexual harrassment stories are not as funny as seal on penguin stories.

tem said...

appropriately so, that was comment 69.

tem said...

League ID: 299388
Password: beatlessuck

JFreak said...

midseason league

id: 299388
pw: beatlessuck

JFreak said...

nice job answering your own question.

tem said...

i got bored and finally found it.

kept searching comments for "yahoo"

never found it.

finally decided to search for "league"

that worked.

tem said...

Erik Bedard thanks for showing up.

Steve said...

"seal link is still cracking me up."


yea, tem. i was hoping they would show the video. i can just see that penguin squalling and flapping around underneath that fat seal trying to get free.


kinda like a date with any random LOVr i'm sure.

El Padrino said...

i aint fat

Tyler said...

I move that any reference to drinking like a fish should be changed to drinking like a Miez.

Tyler said...

Tem drank like a Miez last night.

Spaceman Spiff said...

reinsdorf is a bitch

tem said...

how did mota get a 1 out save in a 5 run game?

is this the if the tying run is on deck it is a save situation?

he came in with bases loaded and got 1 out and a save?

tem said...

tem did drink like a meiz.

i'm fat.

Tyler said...

It's nice to see that the Blue/Deluxe war has already spilled over onto the midseason messageboard.

tem said...

do the suns hire avery johnson now?

Spaceman Spiff said...

After more than six hours in surgery, Kevin Garnett is in stable condition, and will be released from Clevland Clinic Hospital. Garnett underwent an emergency procedure to remove Lebron James' scrotum from his forehead. Doctors say Garnett will experience emotional scarring, but his physical appearance was not affected by the procedure. Game 5 is in Boston, Garnett should be available to play.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem's self-loathing >>>>>> Meiz's self-loathing

Tyler said...

Nicely done Spiff

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I love watching people that have been coming here for years and years struggle with activating the copiers.


How sad.

blue said...

copiers suck

blue said...

Yu Darvish

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I hate when people ask me, "Do you think (this random item) will fit in this envelope?"


I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU'RE THE ONE OVER THERE BY THE FUCKING ENVELOPES WITH THE STUPID GODDAMN ITEM. I'M OVER HERE BEHIND THE DAMN COUNTER. HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW???

blue said...

because you're an expert

tem said...

you usedtacould be able to tell that from behind the counter.

tem said...

I want to see video of lebrons dunk and his mom getting in pierce's face.

Steve said...

"I hate when people ask me, "Do you think (this random item) will fit in this envelope?"


i would always just answer "no". Make them buy a bigger envelop, therefore more postage, therefore you make the store more money.

tem said...

"Yu Darvish"

pick him up on waivers now.

I bet the Pirates don't bid on him.

Steve said...

"I want to see video of lebrons dunk "


it's on espn.

Spaceman Spiff said...

his mom thought she was the shit until lebron said 'sit yo ass down'

tem said...

video on espn was a terrible angle.

tem said...

HUNGRY

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I also hate when people give up on the pens when they sign the credit card receipts.

"Oop. All these pens must be empty."

Just scribble the fucking thing a little, you dumb fucker.

Keith S said...

Mets have the biggest whiners

blue said...

you should have better pens

Keith S said...

"how did mota get a 1 out save in a 5 run game?
is this the if the tying run is on deck it is a save situation?
he came in with bases loaded and got 1 out and a save?"

Again, you answered your own question.

Keith S said...

On this day in 1995...

New Zealand won the America's Cup, 5-0, and handed the embarrassed United States team's skipper Dennis Conner his second Cup defeat in 12 years.

Keith S said...

"I also hate when people give up on the pens when they sign the credit card receipts."



Good to see angry white board guy back.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Delgado's Agent = D-

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I have the taste for a filet-o-fish today.

I guess I'll have a personal pan pizza.

Keith S said...

So's your mom

Keith S said...

I hate days with no afternoon baseball

Keith S said...

*lull

Keith S said...

There are some gray puffy things in the sky today. Weird.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

We have the slowest computers on earth here.


Holy Fuck.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"There are some gray puffy things in the sky today. Weird."


those are called clouds.

Keith S said...

mize
Good luck with the $10k bet.

Keith S said...

"those are called clouds."

Get outta here.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Good luck with the $10k bet."


only $1k. That bitch is crazy if she thinks she can beat me.

Keith S said...

Good luck collecting

Keith S said...

Apparently Gagne is ready to close again, huh

Keith S said...

He must have found some undetectable steroids.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm not seeking the bet out. I told her if she wants to do this, she has to come get me, and have the funds readily available.

Keith S said...

$1k could buy you like 200 steaks.

El Padrino said...

numbness

must eat food now

El Padrino said...

spiff nice work on the Garnett surgery

El Padrino said...

i coulda smoked an ounce of weed and still lose less brain cells then the one's i lost in that meeting

either i'm incredibly smart
or these people are incredibly stupid

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

And the people with their stupid little luggage carts. The fucking box weighs 20 pounds. Carry the fucking thing, you pussy.

El Padrino said...

*enemy of the state reference right there

tem said...

i see i missed little.

El Padrino said...

angry deke is funny

Keith S said...

"i see i missed little."

TWSS

tem said...

Delgado's Agent = D-:


"Apologize this retard


awesome.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Apparently Gagne is ready to close again, huh"

Not happening. Dude is bullshit.

Keith S said...

You remember that Ned is the mgr, right?

Keith S said...

NYC is the worst

Keith S said...

NYC does not stand for Ned Yost the Coach, though. That was weird timing.

tem said...

i thought you ♥ed NYC?

Keith S said...

I was brainwashed

Keith S said...

Two ladies here are talking about The Hills. One of them is about 45 and the other is probably late-30s.
Hilarity.

iammadeofsteel said...

sup, cool people.

iammadeofsteel said...

Duplicate action error
The action associated with this page has already been performed. You may want to try going back one page in your browser and re-trying.

tem said...

"The Hills."

what?

tem said...

sup iam.

iammadeofsteel said...

ah yes, spending all morning getting bitched out... excellent.

it's great to be the messenger.

iammadeofsteel said...

what's this 1k bet all about?

iammadeofsteel said...

first softball games tonight.. under the lights.

zang!

Keith S said...

mize lost a basketball game to a girl

iammadeofsteel said...

put the sleeper hold on and lay it down

as i lay down the afternoon boredom zizzle...

iammadeofsteel said...

fuck my zizzle

tem said...

messangers get shot.

or crucified.

Keith S said...

Heath bars are the best

blue said...

heath is a stupid name

Keith S said...

So's your mom

blue said...

ok...good one

blue said...

I hath defeated super douchelux in his smack off on the FMLB board...just an FYI

Keith S said...

I should be a MLB agent

tem said...

apologize this retard.

iammadeofsteel said...

I should be a MLB agent this, retard.

iammadeofsteel said...

where is this meiz/blue smackdown u speak of?

blue said...

tyler picked up Jay Bruce

Keith S said...

Isn't Bruce still in AAA?

blue said...

yep, but there's an article about him on the front page of Yahoo! Fantasy, so he's a sure thing.

once they trade griffey to seattle, bruce will have a chance to play everyday

Keith S said...

So you're saying he won't be playing anytime soon?

tem said...

"I should be a MLB agent this, retard."

i see what you did there.

El Padrino said...

real world in brooklyn

Keith S said...

That will probably be the best Real World ever

El Padrino said...

that's possible

El Padrino said...

at the very least they can eat good

Keith S said...

Of course

El Padrino said...

Dear Al Gore:

It burns when I pee. Is this related to Global Warming?

Regards,

Concerned.

El Padrino said...

Jetblue makes guy sit on toilet for 3 hours

tem said...

seal/penguin link has a picture now.

Keith S said...

I wonder if his legs went numb

tem said...

seals don't have legs.

Keith S said...

Thanks

tem said...

Thanks this retard.

Keith S said...

I did

tem said...

touche

Tyler said...

"tyler picked up Jay Bruce"

Dusty Baker wants call-up.

El Padrino said...

with no regard for human life

Keith S said...

Tyler is trying to get all of the available Reds. Which is a lot.

Tyler said...

"there's an article about him on the front page of Yahoo! Fantasy, so he's a sure thing"

Word. I expect him to single-handedly turn my team around. Then I will trade him to Keith for Tejada and Soriano and once the trade goes through, he will immediately go on the DL and then be sent down to the minors. That's my master plan.

Keith S said...

That's a solid plan

tem said...

good plan

Keith S said...

Volquez tears his ulnar collateral ligament today.

tem said...

keith = ms cleo

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I really hate women

JFreak said...

didn't ms cleo go to jail?

tem said...

she should have if she didn't.

meiz hates her.

whocares said...

What up fools.

JFreak said...

CeoWC came on a bad day.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Iam,

Some broad thinks she can better me in a game of one on one. I told her I'd bet $1,000 that she couldn't.

Spaceman Spiff said...

fools this retard

whocares said...

Ah well. I cant stay long anyway. This dayjob I got now is keeping me way too busy. It sucks.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

The CEO!

JFreak said...

"Ah well. I cant stay long anyway. This dayjob I got now is keeping me way too busy. It sucks."

wait, are you no longer ceo?

tem said...

well WC apparently is not dead.

so he has that going for him.

tem said...

closing in on newer.

tem said...

newer this retard.

tem said...

someone else do it.

Tyler said...

"Some broad thinks she can better me in a game of one on one. I told her I'd bet $1,000 that she couldn't."

We need this video taped for the main page and Freak needs to drive up so he can operate the boom mic.

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino