Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Things I Should Know But Don't

Well the title says it all. Unless you are dumb. Then I can't help you. Anyway, feel free to answer these questions in the comments section.


1) Do planes float? The airlines show a picture of the plane floating in the event of a water landing, but then tell me to get out of the plane and use my seat cushion to float around. Now, if the plane floats why the hell wouldn't I just chill in it? Or at the very least on it. Why would I want to get in the water? And if the plane sinks how about telling me how long I have to get off the plane and into the water. Is it minutes, hours? Do I need to trample some folk to save my ass? This is info I should have.


2) How does an iron work? I get the concept, some water, some heat, some steam, flat clothes. But why does the iron have different levels? What is the difference between the 3 steam puff setting and the 1 steam puff setting? Seemingly more steam, why do I need more steam? There is a heat setting too? Some clothes can't handle heat?


3) How many players play for each team during soccer? Seriously, I don't know this. 9? 10? 11? It has to be something like that.


4) How to cook an egg. I haven't a clue. I can guess how to do scrambled, but that's about it. Sunny side up? I don't know. Also I wouldn't have a clue how to tell when the thing was done. Can you burn eggs? I assume so. Is it bad to eat them undercooked? I don't know.


5) How the fuck do the following people still have jobs?
  • Bill Simmons
  • Dan Shanoff
  • Steven A Smith
  • Matt Millen
  • Me

6) The difference between affect and effect. Other than one starts with an 'a' and the other doesn't.

7) Where they get the dumbasses for Wheel of Fortune.

8) Where they get the smart fuckers for Jeopardy.

9) Why do mean people get jobs as flight attendants? I think 1 in 3 flight attendants is a mean bastard and/or bitch.

10) What I am supposed to do if I am on a bridge and it collapses into water? Do I let the car sink to the bottom then get out? Get out as fast as possible? Do I jump out on the way down? What is the protocol for this? This should be on a sign before you get onto the bridge.

11) How does my Glade plug in work? It has settings numbered 1 through 5. Is 5 fastest? Is 1? Shouldn't have this thing come with instructions?

OK that is enough of things I don't know. I would go on, but eventually I would give away the secret that I am stupid.

NHL Update: Detriot still has the most points. They rock.

AFL Update: The Destroyers are 0-2. They don't rock. I get to finally see them in person this Saturday. If it is on TV look for the back of my head in row 2 at midfield. I'll report back as to whether or not Vrabel still sits next to me. I will not make fun of him for losing the SB as he is a lot bigger than me.

Movie review of a movie tem has never seen: The Pink Panther

This movie is some sort of action movie about a gay panther. Frankly I just don't get it. But anyway the panther keeps attacking villagers and doing gay things to them. So the villagers get fed up with it and call in Val Kilmer to kill the panther. So Kilmer comes in and is tracking the panther but keeps getting tricked by some villager who is all into the panther. The villager failed to realize that Kilmer was Iceman and some laser genius so he totally gets killed by Val. Anyway at the end of the movie the panther tells Val that his name is gay and Val agrees. He changes his name to Kyle and then kills the panther.

At the end some other gay panther tells Kyle that his new name is even gayer. I guess there is going to be a sequel.

1 helmet sticker out of 5. It would have been 0, but any movie with Val Kilmer in it gets at least 1.

305 comments:

1 – 200 of 305   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

I may only have one comment today, but at least it's the first one.

tem said...

1 comment is better than 0.

tem said...

apparently today starts with a wall.

blue said...

those are some good questions tem

blue said...

I never thought about the plane floating thing, but you bring up a good point, i've never seen a plane float that wasn't on pontoons, and if planes floated then why would they need pontoons?

blue said...

also, how do they land this plane in the water such that you'd be able to exit the plane in an orderly fashion? typically when a plane crashes, there isn't much left of it.

blue said...

and why do the planes that are flying domestic routes within the contiguous 48 states have life jackets on them? considering that about 98% of the continent is not water, those are pretty unlikely odds that you'll crash into a lake or river.

blue said...

so, i guess i didn't answer your question, just created more

blue said...

eggs can be eaten raw...just ask Rocky, and a raw egg keeps your coat shiny

ToddPacker said...

1 comment

tem said...

"so, i guess i didn't answer your question, just created more"

i noticed.

blue said...

that was my first natty in a long time

tem said...

"eggs can be eaten raw...just ask Rocky,"

but he got brain damage.

from the eggs or from Drago? I don't know.

tem said...

"that was my first natty in a long time"

twss

blue said...

affect/effect always throws me off too.

affect has to do with emotion or some shit, like affection

effect has to do with an action, cause and effect.

i think i'm just making this up as I go along

blue said...

what's an iron...like a golf club?

blue said...

and why do they call them irons when they are no longer made of iron...same with woods...although i know they call them metal woods now, but isn't that kinda contradictory...what kind of tree do they get this metal wood from?

tem said...

ironwood.

tem said...

i think effect is a noun and affect is a verb.

tem said...

someone just walked by my office and told me good morning.

i have no clue who it was.

tem said...

they were wearing black though, i think.

or blue. or some other dark color.

blue said...

maybe it was johnny cash

tem said...

it was a girl, i think.

tem said...

it was probably carrie underwood. she is always hanging around my office.

blue said...

sarah underwood is hot, but not her sister

blue said...

*but she is not carrie underwood's sister.

tem said...

maybe sarah's sister isn't hot.

blue said...

maybe

tem said...

maybe she is.

maybe she doesn't exist.

more fucking questions....

tem said...

blue is negative help today.

blue said...

for those who don't know, sara underwood is a playmate of the year for 2007, and an oregon state student, and friend of pac-10poon.

foptp

tem said...

she knows derek anderson?

tem said...

or is the chick that derek always says is the most famous Oregon alumni in all of his interviews?

blue said...

"or is the chick that derek always says is the most famous Oregon alumni in all of his interviews?"

that's her...they're both from the same tiny town in Oregon...100% chance he boned her in HS.

tem said...

i thought he married his hike school sweetheart who he started dating in like 3rd grade?

blue said...

"i thought he married his hike school sweetheart who he started dating in like 3rd grade?"

does that mean he can't bone a playmate?

blue said...

this new information drops the chances of him plowing her to 85%

tem said...

it means it is less likely.

threesome possibility is higher though.

tem said...

nobody else decided to show up for tem posting day?

blue said...

he seems like he might be Mormon

blue said...

tits mcgee was here

tem said...

tits and tp.

tem said...

mormons have like 100 wives right?

blue said...

nah, most mormons only have one wife

tem said...

mormons are less cool than i had thought.

tem said...

wow we are looking at sub 100 before lunch.

blue said...

"mormons are less cool than i had thought."

mormon chicks that have gone bad...go really bad though

tem said...

really bad chicks are not appealing.

JFreak said...

3. There are 11 players on a soccer team.

10. Watch the Mythbusters episode about it.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm here

JFreak said...

1. Planes do not float. Remember them pulling JFK Jr's plane out of the water?

blue said...

JFK jr crashed into the water, he didn't try to land on the water though.

tem said...

"3. There are 11 players on a soccer team."

i learnt something

"10. Watch the Mythbusters episode about it."

wft is mythbusters?


"1. Planes do not float. Remember them pulling JFK Jr's plane out of the water?"

no, and if they don't float then why do they show me a picture of the plane floating and people getting out of it?

blue said...

i'm going to believe the little card on the plane that shows the plane floating and everyone getting off of it...they wouldn't put life rafts on the plane if it wasn't true

blue said...

i2i with tem

JFreak said...

"no, and if they don't float then why do they show me a picture of the plane floating and people getting out of it?"

So you won't be scared.

tem said...

but i don't think that plane will float too long.

there is a time table they aren't telling me about. you probably have like 10 minutes before it fills with water and sinks.

tem said...

but it could be 2 minutes...i don't know. they need to tell me.

iamresurrected said...

bone bone bone bone booooone

tell me whatcha gunn'do when there aint nowhere ta run.. when the (gov'ment) comes for you..

tem said...

"So you won't be scared."

this is not out of the realm of possibilities and is probably correct.

tem said...

why would the govmt want me?

tem said...

i just sent a work email and used "axed" instead of "asked."

oops.

"have you axed john yet?" has a lot different meaning than "have you asked john yet?"

blue said...

"why would the govmt want me?"

Obama needs a VP candidate

blue said...

if they question the use of "axe" just tell them to brush up on their ebonics and that they are denying you your right to express your culture

tem said...

am i old enough to be VP?

i'd be a good politician.

blue said...

I don't know if there is an age limit for VP...president is 35 i think

tem said...

i just hope john doesn't get fired.

or hit with an axe.

no telling what will happen.

tem said...

tem < 35

JFreak said...

And about going off a bridge into the water...

The main problem with a car going into water is the difference of pressure between the water on the outside and the air on the inside.

It is virtually impossible to get out until the car is nearly filled full with water.

There are things you can do to quicken the pressure equalization.

You can:

a.) Try to open your door immediately upon impact. This method is likely difficult to do in the heat of the moment.

b.) Try to open your window before you hit the water. Again, likely difficult in the heat of the moment.

c.) Invest in a glass breaker. These are designed to break your window's glass underwater. The water will rush in, but it will equalize faster and you will thus be able to get out faster.

d.) Take a few deep breaths as the water is rising in your car. Once the water is past your face, wait until the pressure equalizes, and you will easily be able to the door. The important part of this one is to stay calm.

The only thing you really shouldn't do is try to struggle to open the door when there is still air in the car. You will just waste your air.

blue said...

according to the 12th amendment, the vice president must meet the same requirements as the president, so he/she must be 35 years of age.

tem said...

i learnt even more.

freak gets an A+ for today so far.

blue said...

so no Tem for President or Vice President this year

tem said...

or next election.

blue said...

the US picks weird ages for things...21 to drink, 25 to be in congress, 30 to be a senator, 35 to be president

tem said...

well maybe next one.

i think i will be 35 when the next person gets sworn in, but not when they get elected.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

We have a mailbox holder here that is Middle-Eastern and in the past year or two has become a pilot. Should I be worried?

blue said...

Meiz should report that person to Homeland Security..it's the patriotic thing to do.

tem said...

bridge:open window, hold breath, exit calmly.

plane: just be happy to be alive, get seat cushion, knock people over and go sit on the wing until the plane sinks.

tem said...

ask them if they are a terrorist, if they say yes you should worry.

tem said...

he is probably after your time machine.

blue said...

if the show 24 has taught me anything, it's that all middle easterners are terrorist on some level.

tem said...

i just listened to a country song about a stripper mom who dances for the groceries and her daughters braces and stuff.

stripper mom songs are too few in number.

blue said...

stripper moms are too many

blue said...

most strippers are lesbians anyway

JFreak said...

There's a special election here today.

Some old senile idiot finally died. So they have to have an election to find her replacement.

I really hope her stupid nephew doesn't win.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I don't care for strippers. Most are not hot.

blue said...

keith's live blog of the shuttle launch last night was good

tem said...

i wonder who the guy who missed the flight was.

tem said...

pre lunch wall.

tem said...

i also don't care much for strippers.

but i like their "i'll show you my nekkid body for a buck" attitude.

tem said...

i figured out who said hello to me.

it was not carrie underwood.

or sarah.

blue said...

i'll show you my nekkid body for a dollar attitude is a good attitude to have

unless it is a fat chick, but even then it's still a good attitude.

tem said...

it's a good attitude, but i will keep my dollar.

tem said...

but you can't date someone with that attitude.

blue said...

why can't you date someone with that attitude?

i guess i'd rather not have to pay her a dollar everytime i wanted to see her nekkid though

blue said...

i don't usually carry cash

Tyler said...

"How to cook an egg." That was just shocking to read. Every man should know how to do that.

blue said...

BIO broke a rib...aahahahahahaaha

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Skillet. Heat. Egg.

blue said...

100

blue said...

yeah, it's tough to not be able to cook an egg...

Keith S said...

"I don't care for strippers. Most are not hot."

Maybe it's because you live in Wisconsin.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Maybe it's because you live in Wisconsin."

Most likely.

Keith S said...

Is EP working to impeach his governor today?

Keith S said...

"Maj. Melvin Owens, Auburn's executive director of security and public safety, said Monday the school has increased the hours of its security shuttles and has implemented an escort service for students leaving the library."

So if you go to the library, you can leave with an escort? NY gov must be Auburn's president, too

Keith S said...

This would be weird to see

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Breaking news:

Sabrina's favorite Italian food not named pizza is Olive Garden's "Tour Of Italy"





ns

Keith S said...

Lively bunch

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem should come up with a draft order for Saturday soon.

Keith S said...

Well of course. It's got three different items.

Keith S said...

Tyler Hansbrough is getting his jersey retired by UNC. WFT??

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Tyler Hansbrough is getting his jersey retired by UNC. WFT??"

What a fucking disgrace.

tem said...

HUNGRY awhile ago.

blue said...

"Tyler Hansbrough is getting his jersey retired by UNC. WFT"


how so, he's still a junior

tem said...

i could cook an egg, but if you told me you wanted one sunny side up, i would not know how to do that.

or over easy. i don't know what the fuck that is.

Keith S said...

For a North Carolina men's player to have his jersey retired, he must win at least one of six national player of the year awards: The Associated Press, the U.S. Basketball Writers Association, the National Association of Basketball Coaches, Sporting News, the Wooden Award or the Naismith Award.

He just won the Sporting News PotY

Keith S said...

What if I wanted eggs benedict?

Keith S said...

or an omelete?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Eggs are easy, Tem.

tem said...

i wouldn't have a clue.

tem said...

i could break some eggs and cook them in a skillet.

i think that is scrambled.

i could throw cheese and sausage in it. if that makes it an omlette then so be it.

tem said...

"Eggs are easy, Tem."

i don't doubt that.

that is why they made the list of things I should know but don't.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Why does the optical place next door always seem to think they can just come over here to get change?

Go to your fucking bank

tem said...

maybe they like you.

Keith S said...

They're sizing up the place. They want to see how much cash you carry in the register, and then they're going to rob you.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Omlette:

Crack eggs in a cup or something like that.

Mix 'em up.

Pour 'em in the skillet.

Let 'em cook a little.

Add other ingredients.

Cook & flip.

Omlette

tem said...

"why can't you date someone with that attitude? "

because she would let anyone else see her nekkid for a dollar.

that isn't enough cash for your girl to be bringing in.

tem said...

omlette = scrambled eggs packed tight with other ingredients?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Not scrambled. There is no scrambling in the pan.

tem said...

but you mix em out of the pan.

isn't that scrambling them?

El Padrino said...

i banged out today
wont go in tw either
fuck em

El Padrino said...

i might have Labrador lung

El Padrino said...

fuck those arabs deke
knife him next time he comes in

El Padrino said...

so i take it no fritatta for tem

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"but you mix em out of the pan.

isn't that scrambling them?"


No. Its simply mixing them.

Scrambling produces chunks of egg.

tem said...

i don't know what that is.

El Padrino said...

they are scrambled before you put them in a pan

you mix the ingredients in a bowl then pour them into the hot pan

no scrambling in the pan like deker says

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

EP, Alton Brown made braciola last night.

El Padrino said...

fIRTATTA

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem plays dumb

El Padrino said...

i love love love that bra'zhul

El Padrino said...

i've never ironed anything in my life

El Padrino said...

"At least 1 in 4 American teen girls has sex transmitted disease... "

this is why i'm married, i'd rather be miserable than itchy or worst dying

El Padrino said...

"ME NO ELVIS: Lisa Marie Presley Sues Over 'Fat' Story... "


see says it was a fake pic, spiff she's suing you too for posting it

El Padrino said...

forgot that gook is in vegas
lucky fuck

El Padrino said...

freak what level do you play 2k8 on ?

blue said...

lisa marie is preggers, not just fat

El Padrino said...

time for a nap

tem said...

tem doesn't play dumb. he knows nothing about cooking eggs.

it is what it is.

i know stuff about other things.

tem said...

mtg time. might be awhile.

blue said...

lunch time...probably for an hour

Steve said...

Women share blame for cheating men

“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs...”

hell yea!! it's YOUR fault, ladies.

Keith S said...

On this date in 1982...

Dan Gable coached the Iowa rassling team to its record fifth consecutive NCAA championship

Keith S said...

"tem doesn't play dumb. he knows nothing about cooking eggs.
it is what it is.
i know stuff about other things."

What if it wasn't what it was?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fuck Iowa

Keith S said...

weezy bat signal?

tem said...

if it wasn't what it was then we would be in trouble.

tem said...

mtg postponed...i hate that.

tem said...

today has been 1 big wall.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Should I set up the Tourney Bracket?

Keith S said...

It's been more like a bunch of smaller walls.

Keith S said...

Set it up, mize

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm on it

blue said...

bracket buster

tem said...

drake

blue said...

i figured out today that cmblue is going to buy me a new grill for father's day...

but i have a perfectly good grill and would rather spend the money on something else

so it's a conundrum

tem said...

WVU wins it all.

blue said...

drake is going to be like a 4 seed, they won't be a bracket buster

blue said...

'Cuse

blue said...

West Virgina has a good shot at the NIT again this year

Keith S said...

Drake will be out in the 1st round

blue said...

drake beat butler, so they'll be able to hang with some scrub team in the 1st round (think tOSU)

Keith S said...

OSU won't be in it.

blue said...

i'm just excited that Idaho made the conference tourney

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

LOV Tournament Challenge:

ID# 45161

Password: olivegarden

Keith S said...

Hilarity

blue said...

yahoo or espin

Keith S said...

Espin doesn't have ID numbers, does it?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

yahoo

tem said...

it is not a conundrum, just take the gift and smile.

Keith S said...

Turn the old grill into a time machine

blue said...

it's a conundrum, because my grill is only 3 years old

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

So nobody's signing up?

blue said...

oh, and i'm not supposed to know she's buying it, it's a surprise

Keith S said...

I don't have fantasy access at work.

blue said...

"So nobody's signing up?'

when does it start, how much is the entry fee?

blue said...

i'm thinking about it

blue said...

see through shirt chick

blue said...

tits

and more tits

snfw

blue said...

quitter's favorite breasts

El Padrino said...

before the devil knows your dead

marisa tomei, boobs
getting plowed

rent it
watch it

JFreak said...

"freak what level do you play 2k8 on ?"

Pro or all-star.

Pro if I want to beat someone bad, all-star if I want a game.

Keith S said...

I can't click on those, but I put the mouse over it and saw it said "enlarged-rebecca_loos_goes_topless", and I thought it said rebecca lobo goes topless.

El Padrino said...

all-star, i'm 0-4 so far
weird

do you use the swing stick or classic

JFreak said...

swing stick.

Although I don't like that you can't differentiate between a power and a contact swing this year.

Keith S said...

"do you use the swing stick or classic"

TWSS

El Padrino said...

"Although I don't like that you can't differentiate between a power and a contact swing this year."

yeah not diggin that either and if you use the classic (A button) it's not much better

Keith S said...

You guys should play against each other

Keith S said...

everyone is afraid of newer

Keith S said...

older

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"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino