Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Temrants

WFT is up with women's basketball? First of all, why the heck was a I watching it? I have nobody to blame but myself, but second of all wft? I thought chicks had good fundamentals? I was watching Rutgers play someone and the other team couldn't handle Rutgers full court press. The passes were shitty, nobody could dribble and the big girl for Rutgers traveled every time she touched the ball. The announcers were hilarious because they would say "that looks like a travel, but her pivot foot was locked down." Well I guess technically her pivot foot was locked down, until she changed pivot foots. But after she changed the new was locked down. Also, why is their shot clock 30 seconds and the men's is 35?? Is it because if they made it 35 then the women's game would be even more boring? Also in nappy headed ho related news the girls on Rutgers did not look like nappy headed hos to me. However, most of them were very ugly and their coach looks more like one of those fake people Eddie Murphy plays than a real human. So, wft women's college basketball? wft?

WFT is up with this one lady downstairs? She keeps telling me if I have ever extra tickets to some local event to keep her in mind because her and her husband love going to sporting events. But every time I offer some up (I can't use my Arena tickets this weekend) she says no. And she never has a reason. She is definitely off of the list of people I axe if they want to go. It's not like I am selling her the tickets either. I am giving them away and they are good seats. Fuck you lady downstairs. Also you are getting fatter and everyone notices. Your coworkers talk about it behind your back, because they are all catty bitches too. Eat a fucking salad. Hell, even I have a salad from time to time.

WFT is up with drivers who need about 100 car lengths to merge?? OK, I see your fucking turn signal, I slowed down and made a spot for you to merge. What? A 7 car length spot isn't big enough? Move your fucking car over. What the fuck are you waiting for a written invitation? Does it need to be in script or can a type it? Fuck you miss (sometimes mister) wants to merge, but is afraid to.

So ESPN is showing Dirk hobbling around his practice facility and the dumbfuck is supposed to be seriously injured. So what is he doing? He is walking up and down stairs with no crutches or anything. Just hobbling around with his Tom Brady pre-superbowl boot. WFT you pussy. If you can walk up and down stairs you ain't that hurt. Rub some dirt on it you pussy. And what the fuck is up with the Lil' General? He talks like Leo Getts from Lethal Weapon. Everything is either a joke or he changes his voice inflection at the end to symbolize "do you get it???" If someone axes you when Dirk will be back just say "I don't know."

OK enough temranting. Time for a movie review. This time I am going to review a movie that doesn't even exist: Furry Balls

Furry Balls is the latest Will Ferrel movie. It is about an old tennis pro who is funny. He yells at the ref and generally says funny things. It might be a biography of McEnroe. Anyway, also in this movie are Seth Rogen, the kid from the mac commercials, Queen Latifa (who looks like a fat Beyonce by they way. Seriously, it is like Beyonce looked into a "make you fat and older" mirror.), Robin Williams, the entire cast of 40 Yr Old Virgin, and Forrest Whitaker.

Anyway, so Ferrel is Andre McEnsampras an old tennis pro trying to make one last hurrah. He wants to win Wimbelton one time because it was the Slam that always eluded him. Anyway, the point is put Ferrel in England with tennis and those other people and hilarity ensues. A funny movie, but not worth theatre prices.

2.5 helmet stickers out of 5.

538 comments:

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blue said...

I would go see furry balls

blue said...

TWSS

steve said...

Dr. Elliot Reed is the new chick on How I Met Your Mother


she'll always be Barbie too me.

blue said...

looks like the A's bullpen blew their chance at beating the sawks to open the season

tem said...

what is that a pic of steve?

tem said...

did scrubs get cancelled?

blue said...

"Dr. Elliot Reed is the new chick on How I Met Your Mother"

I think she's only supposed to be on for that episode last night, the one with Britney Spears in it.

blue said...

Scrubs is supposedly moving to ABC next season for their final season

tem said...

I haven't seen new Scrubs in awhile.

JD has a kid or something now? wft? shark jumping.

steve said...

"what is that a pic of steve?"

it's a stuffed Kermit getting busy with a stuffed rabbit.


it's supposed to be a Giff (motion) but alas, it doesnt work.

steve said...

"JD has a kid or something now? wft? shark jumping."

yea, season's 1-4 where classic. 5 was ok, but it seemed forced. 6 is probably gonna suck balls.

Beth said...

Google is impressive. I was curious to see if there is such a thing as a movie, even a small low budget one, called "Furry Balls" so I googled "Furry Balls" and "movie" together. There doesn't appear to already be a movie with that title, but the 7th google result already is a link to tem's review.

tem said...

"7th google result already is a link to tem's review."

aweseome

blue said...

beth ♥s furry balls

El Padrino said...

outstanding

ToddPacker said...

beth is searching for furry balls?

Beth said...

"beth ♥s furry balls"

Actually I DID play tennis in high school blue, how'd you know? :-)

El Padrino said...

womans ball = dentist

ToddPacker said...

"Andre McEnsampras"

made me laugh

Beth said...

What I liked best about Tem's movie review is that I can seriously see such a movie being made. You might want to copyright that idea Tem.

El Padrino said...

it's a great idea

tem said...

i am sure it is floating around hollywood already.

tem said...

somewhere some movie exec is pissed because his Furry Balls secret got leaked.

El Padrino said...

i'll have to take matters into my own hands

blue said...

el retardo will probably steal the idea and try and sell it to will farrell's people.

ToddPacker said...

if tem is going to start making up movies, i'd like to see a tem review for "PISS ICE: The Movie"

tem said...

Piss ice would be a good topic for a movie.

El Padrino said...

wow, Piss Ice on the big screen
let me be the first investor for that please

ToddPacker said...

PI:TM would be on imax screens only

steve said...

we hired new IT guy today, within 5 minutes of meeting him he made a joke about my cell phone not being nerdy enough...

i don't think I'm gonna like him.

ToddPacker said...

steve you should have hit him with your cell phone

tem said...

tell him that he is nerd enough for the both of you.

El Padrino said...

fucking IT guys

tem said...

is he fat IT guy?

fat IT guys make the worst jokes.

blue said...

does he wear a beret?

blue said...

i bet he has his cellphone on a holster on his belt

blue said...

the cfo at my old company always had his blackberry in a holster...it made me laugh

tem said...

was he gay too?

tem said...

did you get a new job yet?

tem said...

how was the flight with a baby?

ToddPacker said...

i bet he has one of these on all the time

tem said...

did you see your in-laws?

tem said...

damn, TP broke up my blue question Z.

blue said...

"was he gay too?"

no he was normal

tem said...

i saw some chick in the passenger seat of a car wearing one of those.

why the fuck do you need a hands free device when you are in the passenger seat? was she giving her man a handjob and changing the radio stations while she was on the phone?

ToddPacker said...

sorry tem

blue said...

"did you get a new job yet?"

not yet, i suck

tem said...

gay is the norm for a blue boss.

El Padrino said...

indeed

blue said...

"how was the flight with a baby?"

not too bad, she did as well as could be expected i guess

El Padrino said...

Huston Street already blew a save

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAa

blue said...

"did you see your in-laws?"

no, it was my brother getting married.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Redsox won. Expect H today.

El Padrino said...

"Ramirez posed at the plate to watch his drive off Huston Street (0-1), thinking it was a three-run homer. Instead, the ball hit the center-field wall."

nice to see him in reg season form in game one

blue said...

"gay is the norm for a blue boss."

yes, but he was my boss's, boss's boss. so the norm for that is non-gay

El Padrino said...

"J.D. Drew was scratched with lower back tightness. It was Moss' first major league homer."

same goes for him

blue said...

JD drew is awesome

El Padrino said...

zeke is a goner
yippeee

blue said...

actually, the rumor is they may keep him on as coach...


ahahahahahahahahaa

ToddPacker said...

"actually, the rumor is they may keep him on as coach..."


nooooooooooooo

tem said...

everything he touches turns to gold.


or wait, maybe that is shit.

tem said...

any funny wedding stories blue?

El Padrino said...

negative
he's toast

blue said...

great. my closer for fmlb missed the game last night because of ass soreness

tem said...

i thought blue had one of those jobs in the bag.

tem said...

my closer blew the save.

then my other closer got the save.

steve said...

new IT guy is a UNC fan...

strike 2.

blue said...

"any funny wedding stories blue?"

I thought it was funny that the DJ played "soulja boy"...and that it was even funnier seeing a bunch of teenage girls doing the dance

blue said...

I thought it was not funny that it was a cash bar (although they did have free beer from the keg)...and the drinks cost $7 a piece

El Padrino said...

"I thought it was funny that the DJ played "soulja boy"...and that it was even funnier seeing a bunch of teenage girls doing the dance"

i do this dance whenever i hear the song

El Padrino said...

"I decided to chase him to get my yarmulke back," Ohana said

backstory, some Arab took off with this rabbi's yami..

Hilarity to me.

blue said...

"i do this dance whenever i hear the song"

right, but it's probably not appropriate for little kids, nor the elderly...and more than likely not appropriate for a wedding.

blue said...

"i thought blue had one of those jobs in the bag."

I thought i did too, there was some funny business that went on in the end, and the recruiter i've been working with, was super pissed at somebody. He wouldn't go into details, but he was none too happy that I didn't get the job.

El Padrino said...

ah, weddings are a riot
lighten up blue

where else can you go to see your sloppy grandmother shake her baggy ass with a bunch of teenage girls

tem said...

"but he was none too happy that I didn't get the job."

of course not. recruiters get 20-25% of your salary as their fee.

tem said...

why were you buying drinks when beer was free?

tem said...

tem doesn't know what soulja boy is.

steve said...

"of course not. recruiters get 20-25% of your salary as their fee."

i hate recruiters. they're worse than used car salesmen.

tem said...

we have 2 new chicks here at work.

they look almost exactly alike from behind.

but from the front 1 is a train wreck and the other is above average.

steve said...

"they look almost exactly alike from behind."

alike good, or alike bad?

tem said...

recruiters are near the top of my list of phony people.


every resume they read is "fantastic" or a "diamond in the rough."

iamresurrected said...

tem doesn't know what soulja boy is."

tru dat.

steve said...

at my last job we had this chick, who someday had a great ass, other days she had no ass and other days she had a fat ass.

All based on what kinda clothes she worse. it was the strangest thing.

tem said...

alike good from behind.

from the front 1 is a train wreck with like 5 trains involved. even the Bruce Willis' character from Unbreakable doesn't walk away from that train wreck.

blue said...

"ah, weddings are a riot
lighten up blue"

i said that was the funny part. You also have to realize that I was in the south, and it's a little "different" there

tem said...

"at my last job we had this chick, who someday had a great ass, other days she had no ass and other days she had a fat ass."

we have a girl like that here, but it is her front that is like that.

some days it is nice, other days ok, other days you wonder if she is pregnant or something.

blue said...

"of course not. recruiters get 20-25% of your salary as their fee"

right, but he acted like he was lied to, or there was some sort of improper activity that went on behind the scenes.

tem said...

did your brother marry a southern chick?

blue said...

"why were you buying drinks when beer was free?"

wine was not free, and the lady drinks the wine

tem said...

"right, but he acted like he was lied to, or there was some sort of improper activity that went on behind the scenes."

he just did that to make you feel better.

tem said...

cmblue can drink? doesn't that fuck up the breast milk?

blue said...

"did your brother marry a southern chick?"

yes he did

tem said...

train wreck just walked by. would it be inappropriate if I gave her a conductors hat and axed her to wear it? that way i can tell them apart from behind.

tem said...

was the chick out of cousins to marry?

blue said...

"cmblue can drink? doesn't that fuck up the breast milk?"

she doesn't do that

blue said...

"was the chick out of cousins to marry?"

i guess, she made him go to the PMC at one point after he called the wedding off once.

tem said...

does she have to pump them down and throw away the milk?

tem said...

brother blue couldn't follow through with the temgagement?

blue said...

"does she have to pump them down and throw away the milk?"

no, the milk went away 3 months ago

tem said...

did steve final break it off with the nurse he nailed? or is he still hitting it?

tem said...

it went away?

i guess i knew it went away, but is sooner than i would have guessed.

blue said...

"brother blue couldn't follow through with the temgagement?"

he tried his best for the temgagement...what ended up happening was a way scaled back wedding because her parents lost a ton of money when he cancelled the first time....

then when it was time for the wedding to start, nobody knew where he was, and we thought maybe he had ran away...

but he showed up and got married like a moron

blue said...

it will go away in like a week or 2 if you don't use it.

blue said...

too much BM talk

blue said...

TMBMT

tem said...

yeah efmtems parents lost some cash.

they hate me more now than they did before. which i did not think was possible.

tem said...

they really hated it when i sent them a check to pay them for the money they lost. because it took away a reason to hate me.

of course they never cashed it and i put a stop payment on it after 6 months.

steve said...

still hitting it

tem said...

BM = use it or lose it.

El Padrino said...

i saw a fine ass on the train today
i love it when you show a good ass in a nice pair of tight jeans

tem said...

"still hitting it"

good work.

steve said...

"they hate me more now than they did before"

send her a dad a note describing the things you did too his daughter in the bedroom.

might as well go for broke.

El Padrino said...

i know, i know, SNL's game has been off for awhile but last weekends show was great, some highlights including that pic of Armisen as Obama is hilarious

El Padrino said...

sex, drugs and Kwame !

El Padrino said...

iam aint you proud yo mayor is gangster

El Padrino said...

hell i was proud of spitzer

tem said...

"might as well go for broke."

this idea has a lot of merit behind it.

blue said...

sending dadefmtem a letter could be bad news though, he could show up with a shotgun

blue said...

he could go all Cho on you

iamresurrected said...

we keeps that shit tight up in the Emm-Eye

tem said...

defmtem is a big guy too.

grumpy too.

i will not send him anything.

blue said...

grumpy was a dwarf

tem said...

you have to kill more than 5 people at the same time to get Cho status. or at least shoot more than 5.

tem said...

and it helps if you write plays.

iamresurrected said...

NYC dude says he did coke and weed. wtg, buddy.

El Padrino said...

that's a bad idea tem

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Work is really getting in the way over here

tem said...

"that's a bad idea tem"

i know this.

blue said...

fuck, i have a meeting right in the middle of lunchtime...i hate that

tem said...

carly just called me.

she got real mad when i wouldn't take her call. she got snippy with the secretary.

i have no fucking clue who carly is.

tem said...

i should have axed the secretary if carly sounded cute.

Tyler said...

RE: drivers who need about 100 car lengths to merge

I totally agree and I wish these people would die. You'd think in a city like L.A., where there's a lot of traffic that it wouldn't happen a whole lot because people have a whole lot of experience driving in traffic, but that is not the case. If you don't react within three seconds, I speed up and then honk at you when you try to make your slow-ass lane change. Learn how to drive, morons.

THE BEST is because no one uses their turn signal anymore, sometimes the car in front of you will mysteriously slow down and take forever to change lanes and no one knows what the hell they're doing. Then everyone thinks you're an ass because there's 10 car lengths in front of you, and people in the lanes next to you jump in front of you because there's an open lane. Seriously, these people need to die.

tem said...

HUNGRY.

and agreed, slow mergers should die.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"and agreed, slow mergers should die."

What about XM/Sirius? That took a while.

El Padrino said...

AGREED

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

poop

El Padrino said...

pee

Return of the H said...

"Redsox won. Expect H today."

H is out of work with a touch of sickness. Just found out they won, don't have the energy to gloat. I'm going back to bed...

Tyler said...

"What about XM/Sirius? That took a while."

Hi-oh!

Tyler said...

Meiz will be here all week ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to tip your waitress.

blue said...

OH-IO

El Padrino said...

corndog

El Padrino said...

t, if i missed it i apologize
sierra makes a ESB beer
it's good

Tyler said...

Yeah, I think you missed my comment after you left the first one saying you bought some ESB. I bought a 12-pack at BevMo like three weeks ago cuz it was on sale. In the fall, definitely go out of your way to find their Celebration Ale; it's their Christmas brew. It's just as good as the ESB. In my opinion, they don't make a bad beer.

Tyler said...

I've been drinking regular Sam Adam's lately because it was on sale last week. I like Sam Adam's, I just hate the fact it's from Boston.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fuck the Milwaukee Brewers

El Padrino said...

sammy is aight

El Padrino said...

sammy's winter brew is two thumbs up

Keith S said...

"Fuck the Milwaukee Brewers"

Finally coming to your senses

Spaceman Spiff said...

blue, how the fuck did brandon marshall slip on a mcdonalds bag? he's lying

blue said...

rumor around town is he was wrestling with one of his brothers or something, and slipped on the bag

Keith S said...

McDonald's bags are no joke

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Marshall had severed an artery, a vein and a nerve in his forearm along with tendons to five muscles."

got damn

El Padrino said...

link please

El Padrino said...

blue, you stink

blue said...

He's supposed to talk about it today, all the injury and how it happened stuff is all second hand right now.

he's supposed to only be in a cast for 2 weeks, so it can't be that bad.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I may or may not have received a 2nd set of tickets yesterday. hmmm

blue said...

that town is way in the south of colorado, crappy area it is in

El Padrino said...

i hope the rockies leave Register alone

Keith S said...

I hate karma. I called in sick yesterday, then I woke up this morning sick as a dog.

blue said...

who is register?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I hate karma. I called in sick yesterday, then I woke up this morning sick as a dog."

Fuck Karma

El Padrino said...

Pitcher mets put on waivers
i liked him, had a nice spring

rox have first crack at him and liked him out of high school a cupleyears back

El Padrino said...

"I hate karma. I called in sick yesterday, then I woke up this morning sick as a dog."

at least your co-workers wont think your a lying dog

blue said...

they probably won't claim him

Keith S said...

NYC puts the best players on waivers

blue said...

unless they think he could be their #5 starter

El Padrino said...

and was an actual rule V pick from col...the reason why they have first crack at him

blue said...

well obviously they didn't like him enough to keep him when he ran out of options

El Padrino said...

"NYC puts the best players on waivers"

nah, not a good fit there, your reaching

blue said...

maybe the phillies will get him

El Padrino said...

"well obviously they didn't like him enough to keep him when he ran out of options"

no choice, they liked him
hoping he clears

Keith S said...

They can't all be zingers

blue said...

how come there wasn't ever a white kings of comedy? or is that what the blue collar comedy tour was supposed to be?

El Padrino said...

the racist wants a white supremacy comedy tour

perfect.

blue said...

no, there was the kings of comedy...then the latin kings of comedy (who were not funny), so are there no white kings of comedy? or is Dane Cook all there is?

blue said...

or even the Jewish kings of comedy

Keith S said...

Notice there is no Queens of Comedy

blue said...

i thought there was

blue said...

would queens of comedy be gay dudes, or chicks?

tem said...

blue collar guys are good.

although i dislike the cable guy.

tem said...

ron white = hilarity

blue said...

maybe it's because the white man is not funny

El Padrino said...

there was a Queens, it was women

Big Monique, S'more and two other lame bitches

tem said...

dane cook would not be on the white kings of comedy.

blue said...

that was odd

I do like Ron White..

tem said...

queens of comedy was called like "The Original Comedy Divas" or something like that.

Keith S said...

Tater Salad is funny

blue said...

although I don't like it when people say 'tater salad' as opposed to 'potato salad'

blue said...

potato salad would not be as funny though

El Padrino said...

any white tour must consist of carlin

tem said...

nope it was just the queens of comedy

blue said...

carlin's latest HBO special was ok...it was good at first but got real boring in the middle

El Padrino said...

louie ck maybe?
Seinfeld i would think could head this up

kramer would not be invited

tem said...

carlin is real old now.

he is a hunchback too.

El Padrino said...

i enjoyed it
it's all bullshit

blue said...

so no "white kings of comedy" is like reverse racism

tem said...

lots of white folk to choose from.

crackers are funny.

El Padrino said...

i read the other day that Crystal was trying some schtik out

El Padrino said...

homo

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