Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Shaq: The new Vince Carter

Has anybody else wondered why Shaq seems like he is getting a free pass for being "revitalized" in Phoenix when really it seems more like he has been sandbagging? He is even showing Vince Carter a thing or two and that's saying something. Hey Vince, don't just cry and play the "trade me" game, you gotta try starting with a nickname n' shit too. I personally like to go with "The Big _____" cause I'm big. Maybe you could do something like "The Flying _____". Although "The Flying Cactus" might sound kinda um, shitty.. so don't get traded here. Stay away from the desert, mmkay? Come to think of it, The Flying Raptor has a nice ring to it. Although "The Dunking million dollar bitch ass little fucker" also has a certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe you can whine now that your PG is gone and force a trade back to Oh Canada. First thing I think of when hearing "Canada" is a brotha' playing hoops. Sure thing.

Moving along... or back to the task at hand. So, Shaq. The Big Cocktus is pretty lame. I'd feel more comfortable calling him The Big Douchestick. Wait, I think that's even lamer. Oh well. Now they are overplaying that stupid clip of him diving into the stands after the big orange ball. Reedikkalus. Ric Bucher or somebody said 'notice how all these clips of him diving were at home games... he knows what he's doing. he is media savvy'. And then when he wouldn't let Duncan help him up off the flo'... that's just dumb. It seemed insanely forced. I mean I understand that there is beef between the two teams, but he was never a part of it.. so now he has taken on the role of "Super Teammate" and trying to prove how dedicated he is. Dedicated? Negro, you are fucking up the rotation! The Suns used to be decent. They somehow lost all the firepower and blow ass. Do you think he was Super Teammate when he was back in Mee-ah-mo 2 months ago, sucking major fat Rhinoceros pole and not playing or just playing shitty? Or basically the last couple years since the championship, being injured all the damn time and playing jack shit for games. "Well, he was hurt". Which is why he can come back from a hip injury that sidelined him for at least a month or so (I ain't fact checking. I'm trying to get in at the Sporting News) and then start diving into the stands all of a sudden? What about him playing super-spaz defense and looking like he basically gives a shit while he's on the floor? Looking like he's 'energized'. More like "My team doesn't munch monster amounts of chode anymore, so I think I have found it within me to want to try again. Remember, I'm only getting paid $20 million per. This shit is tough". Just watching him play in these few games, he seems like he's basically just turned it on. He looks like he's actually putting forth effort. He is revitalized!!! Cracker pleeze, ma'fugger is a sandbagging whoremonger! Maybe it's a bit of spite that I have for him because I don't consider him "talented" by any stretch. Yes, it's amazing that a man that big can move how he moves... but I just don't see him being a great basketball player. By any stretch. He is bigger than people and he simply runs over them. Yeefrickinhaw. That does not make me think he is talented. Being force-fed that he is one of, or the greatest, hoops-ske-teer evar. I just don't buy it. I enjoy seeing him on the downside of his career cause he is slow and tries to do the same crap he did the rest of his career (bowl people over) and now he occasionally gets fouls called on him. It's amazing!

Oh fuck it, bottom line is I hate him and want to see him fail. GFY.

-Whatever happened to the Patty Swayze story? Is he dead yet? I'll remember his bitch ass from Dirty Dancing and mostly Ghost. Bitch. (RIP though man.. sucks to get whatever the hell u got.)

-Ya know what grinds my gears (thanks dad)... people that emphasize things for no reason while speaking. For example, saying a phone number to someone... if you have have a number that has very similiar numbers, you can emphasize the ones that are different to point out the differences to the idiot that you're speaking to. Like if you had 608-618-6088, you can see the person emphasizing the 6-ONE-8 part to point out the difference. Okay, I can dig that. Not that I would do it, cause I am more geared to being as unhelpful as possible, but I can understand it. However, I have no understanding of those that say a number like 524-378-0192 and throwing out a 3-SEVEN-8 with the "oh lookout, we're changing up numbers here!" tone to their voice. I just straight up want to beat that person to death with a floppy, worn out pair of velcro shoes. There is no reason to do the "voice emphasis" thing. It doesn't make any sense. Just stop. This message will hopefully be delivered to the Doose that sits near me. Stop or El Pad will hire some people to rip out your larynx. And I will pay him for it. That's right, bitch. I'm implicating myself right here and now. They'll tear it out and it will be bloody and messy and there is a good chance I will pay the extra couple hundred to have them defecate on you simply for the humilation factor. And I will probably laugh. Well shit, I guess I should since I'm gonna be paying a pretty penny for it. The humiliation part is key. You can only harm the body, but you can destroy the spirit. Remember that, kids.

I am getting a semi-promotion. I thought I was gonna get nailed for coming in late every.. single..damn.. day or taking long lunches or just sucking in general, but apparently they want me to tail the supervisor guy for awhile before he retires. Supposedly money is coming as well. This means dragging my ass downtown on Wednesdays for some sort of meeting. It's midday, so don't anybody go off themselves thinking that I won't be posting. Fret not, ye minions.

-The saxophone was an essential and vital part of the 80's sound. "Who can it be now" would just not be the same. Also, the ALF theme song just wouldn't be the same.

Basically, life as we know it would cease to exist had the saxophone not been an integral part of the 80's music scene. Ba'lee dat.

-I don't understand what the song "Tears of a Clown" is all about. Granted, I haven't really invested any time in figuring it out... but at first glance, I don't know where they're headed with that one.

-Don't put your thoughts in the comments cause no one gives a shit.

Thanks and have a great day!

276 comments:

1 – 200 of 276   Newer›   Newest»
tem said...

"I ain't fact checking. I'm trying to get in at the Sporting News)"

hilarity

tem said...

"Don't put your thoughts in the comments cause no one gives a shit."

IDGAF

tem said...

i like to hear myself post things.

tem said...

sometimes i say the posts out loud just to hear myself talk.

tem said...

oh and shaq = vince is one hell of an observation.

El Tardo is stealing your column right now.

blue said...

copious amounts of knowledge there...iam has been saving this all up whilst he was out on maternity leave

blue said...

and congrats on the promotion..

dude gets sick and misses a month of work, and gets a promotion...that's the american way

blue said...

I'm thinking about going on strike

blue said...

people like being friends with PtP on facebook, not so much on myspace

blue said...

GOLF PICKS

tem said...

myspace sucks.

tem said...

i need a promotion and/or raise.

tem said...

well want one

blue said...

wow, three whole entrants in the LoV ncaa bracket...awesome

Steve said...

100% agree with everything you said about Shaq.

tem said...

some guy wants me to do his busy work for him.

so i just printed him out 140 pages to read and told him to get back with me and we will discuss.

tem said...

put ncaa stuff up again.

will enter now.

blue said...

ncaa password is olivegarden

id: 45161

blue said...

ahahahahahahah

they banned me from the sporting news so I can't comment on shamford's blog entries anymore.

blue said...

douchetastic

blue said...

re: egg videos

is that freak in the 3rd video?

iamresurrected said...

i hope to be a wallflower at this meeting. leave..me..alone.

iamresurrected said...

curse the tourney games for being on during the day

blue said...

i'm taking next thursday afternoon and friday off...i wish it was to watch the NCAA games

tem said...

banned on TSN?

can't you just make another ID?

blue said...

"can't you just make another ID?"

it looks like it has banned my IP address, might just be a glitch though, because i was able to get on, but when I logged in to post a comment it banned me, and i haven't been able to get back.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tears Of A Clown is essentially about appearing happy on the outside but actually being sad or depressed.

blue said...

nevermind, i can get to it if i close the browser and go back in. but still can't post a comment, and i'm too lazy to make another screenname

blue said...

tears of a clown sounds like a country song

tem said...

if it were country it would be "tears of a rodeo clown."

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"tears of a clown sounds like a country song"

Please don't disrespect Smokey like that.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Pac 10 Poon already has more friends than me.

tem said...

poon brings friends.

Steve said...

Get The Fuck Out!

tem said...

cnn has some story of a dolphin saving whales.

dolphins are fucking smart.

i am voting for a dolphin for president.

tem said...

what is the L.A. Galaxy?

blue said...

yeah PtP facebook had a good day, they invited a bunch of poon to be their friends, and a lot of them accepted...ASU girls like to show off their pooniness

Tyler said...

So in my keeper baseball league the commish booted two teams. On the main page it says those guys will be available in the draft. BUT, he killed the teams on Friday and they cleared waivers and were picked up. Thats B.S., right?

Tyler said...

Here's a list of guys that were picked up:

Victor Martinez
Carl Crawford
Bobby Abreu
Papelbon
Bedard
Jose Reyes
Chase Utley

blue said...

i've never heard of any of those guys but Victor Martinez

Tyler said...

Oh and Matt Holiday. The dude that won it last year got Utley, Holiday, Reyes, Papelbon and Abreu.

iamresurrected said...

was Kirk Gibson cut? i would say totally pick him up.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Yes Tyler, that is indeed bullshit.

Tyler said...

Keepers lock at 2pm today. I told the commish that if I don't hear from him by 1pm I assume he's gonna let those transactions stand, and in that case, I'll be leaving the league at 1:15.

Tyler said...

I will look to see if Kirk Gibson is available.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Careful, Gibby's got a bum wheel.

Tyler said...

Surprisingly, Kirk Gibson is not available.

Tyler said...

"Careful, Gibby's got a bum wheel."

But he still comes up in the clutch. He's the opposite of Arod.

blue said...

gibson and vin scully are a package deal

Spaceman Spiff said...

tyler, thats ridiculous, got to leave the league

blue said...

GOLF PICKS

Keith S said...

Give up, Tyler. Even quit

blue said...

"tyler, thats ridiculous, got to leave the league"

that's almost as bad as when a guy dumps all his players at the end of the season and starts picking up all catchers, and then the best players are all free agents and picked up for the playoffs.

Spaceman Spiff said...

i thoroughly enjoyed the little kid fucking up on idol last night. he forgot the words a few times, he admitted he never even listens to the beatles, idiot, his attempt to dance was hilarity

Keith S said...

I think I'm gonna go with Tiger this week. I hear he's playing well.

*crossing fingers

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I just told Tem's dead fiance skydiving story here.

Keith S said...

Did ep die?

Tyler said...

Get a free Bass Brolly to properly make a Black & Tan.

Keith S said...

Tyler has to pay $1.00
ahahah

El Padrino said...

sweet Cuse and Nova on

blue said...

"i thoroughly enjoyed the little kid fucking up on idol last night. he forgot the words a few times, he admitted he never even listens to the beatles, idiot, his attempt to dance was hilarity'

he never listens to the beatles but that's the second John Lennon song he's done.

blue said...

dead fiancee skydiving story is still hilarity

Tyler said...

"Tyler has to pay $1.00
ahahah"

AND I have to write out on a 3x5 card, by hand, that I'm over 21 and I won't kill anyone with it. You're really making me jump through some hoops over here, Bass. At least now I know what I'll be doing on lunch.

Keith S said...

Wasn't Imagine after the Beatles, and wasn't the song last night a Paul McCartney song?

blue said...

Beatles are fucking beatles...quit yer nitpicking

blue said...

i don't even remember what song that kid sang...but it wasn't as good as stevie wonder.

Keith S said...

Yeah I didn't get why he would sing it as Stevie Wonder, when it was Beatles night.

blue said...

why is that Bass thing only available in like 7 states? fuck BASS

blue said...

ESPN featured comment:

"This is a great feat. I have two huskies, and I want to hook them up and mush around!"

Mike Vick gets to commment on Espin

blue said...

"hook them up and mush around" is a TWSS

Tyler said...

No it's not Blew.

Tyler said...

No girl would ever say that. You're reaching.

blue said...

TWSS

blue said...

i stand by my declaration

blue said...

PtP has been busy this week, 3 posts in 3 days

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

What the fuck? I can't get the brolly?

Horse shit.

blue said...

so it looks like the odds of me getting a new job are very high, should know today, they're just checking referneces now.

Spaceman Spiff said...

bamboozle looks like an awesome concert, i hate ticketmaster fees, around 25% for these tickets

blue said...

Steve lives in a state where you can get the Brolly, maybe he'll get 18 and send them out to the LoV

blue said...

EP does too, i guess

Tyler said...

Are they aware of your spelling problem? (references)

Tyler said...

And your poon problem?

Tyler said...

And your heroin problem?

Tyler said...

I told all of the people I used as references to not mention my meth addiction.

Tyler said...

And that's a Blew/drug use Z.

blue said...

poon addiction might be a problem

blue said...

actual conversation I just heard:

"what did you do last night"

"went out to eat with my son"

"where did you go to eat"

"Olive Garden"

"Oh, I love the olive garden!!!"

"yes, the tour of italy was fantastic"

(ns)

Steve said...

just once. just one time. I'd like to see a politician/public figure's wife not stand at the goddamn podium when said politician/pubic figure makes his apology.

why don't these guys ever marry real woman?

Dude got busted with a prostitute, his kids found out, his wife's parents found out, no "real" wife would stand lovingly by while he "apologized"

JFreak said...

Tyler, good job on the egg videos.

Keith S said...

"no "real" wife would stand lovingly by while he "apologized""

It probably will help her cause when she divorces him in 6 months.

El Padrino said...

actual conversation I just heard:

"what did you do last night"

"went out to eat with my son"

"where did you go to eat"

"Olive Garden"

"Oh, I love the olive garden!!!"

"yes, the tour of italy was fantastic"

(ns)"

these people should be drawn and quartered

Steve said...

the tour of italy?

El Padrino said...

that's what makes hillary such a fraud too, just add it to the list

you catch ypur husband getting brain in the white house yet think you can run the country, no bitch
i would have repsected you more if you divorced him standing by him just proves your a fool

Steve said...

"standing by him just proves your a fool"

exactly

El Padrino said...

cuse up 7 btw

Steve said...

where are the feminist on these kinda things?

they'll let stuff like this slide, but raise hell as soon as some 22 year in a short skirt is called "sweetheart"

blue said...

sweetheart is offensive

blue said...

"the tour of italy?"

this is an OG menu item..lasagna, spaghetti and something else...3 items for like 10 bucks or something..

Steve said...

i just had a funny thought. how awesome if a member of the press called Hilliary "sweetheart" in an interview.

ya, know. they're all raising their hand, Hilliary picks one, he stands up. "Thanks, sweetheart..."

that would be cool, i bet her head would explode, which would also be pretty cool

blue said...

or if somebody called her sugar tits

Steve said...

"or if somebody called her sugar tits"

even better.

blue said...

i thought i read somewhere that playboy offered her a bunch of money to pose.

hef has lost his touch

blue said...

and his mind

Steve said...

who would want to see her naked?

Steve said...

i don't even like looking at her when she has clothes on

blue said...

sorry, tour of italy is lasagna, fettucine alfredo, and chicken parm

El Padrino said...

naked hillary just count me out for lunch today

blue said...

maybe it was nekkid chelsea

Tyler said...

Well, isn't that just like touring Italy? It saves you the traveling expenses.

blue said...

they caught your guy steve

ToddPacker said...

good post, iam

blue said...

speaking of which....how dumb do you have to be to go use the person you just kilt's atm card? Everyone knows there are cameras and shit there.

Steve said...

yea, i read that earlier. now they just need too not puss and stick his ass in the chair...

after he gets a fair trial of course.

ahhh, who am i bullshitting. black man, white blond chick, the south...he's fucked.

Steve said...

Jesse James or Al Sharpton wouldn't even bother touching this one.

blue said...

or jesse jackson even

blue said...

jesse james might build him a tricked out car though

Steve said...

"jesse jackson even"

him too

Steve said...

a jury of his peers is gonna be 4-6 middle aged white dudes, 4-6 middle aged white chicks and 1-3 latinos (just for good measure).


Al Shaprton was quoted as saying: "That's one dead nigga".

blue said...

al sharpton kilt LoV

blue said...

another brick in the *Wall

blue said...

lunch

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

My right nut is a little sore

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Al Shaprton was quoted as saying: "That's one dead nigga"."


Hilarity

Spaceman Spiff said...

dont expect anymore cuse updates from EP

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Not so good?

El Padrino said...

they are out again
fuck

Keith S said...

On this day in 1983...

New York Islanders right winger Mike Bossy netted a pair of goals in a win over Washington, and became the first player to reach the 50-goal plateau in each of his first six NHL seasons.

El Padrino said...

gtown gonna crush nova anyway

El Padrino said...

nova was throwing shit in from everywhere

Keith S said...

Syracus can be this year's West Virgina

El Padrino said...

"El Pad will hire some people to rip out your larynx. And I will pay him for it. That's right, bitch. I'm implicating myself right here and now. They'll tear it out and it will be bloody and messy and there is a good chance I will pay the extra couple hundred to have them defecate on you simply for the humilation factor. And I will probably laugh. Well shit, I guess I should since I'm gonna be paying a pretty penny for it."

ftr this can be done...

El Padrino said...

wonderful post btw

El Padrino said...

my gov is black now?
and blind

hilarity

Keith S said...

And a democrat

El Padrino said...

my blind black governor

SALUTE!

El Padrino said...

spitzer was a demy too
if the rules allowed pataki would still be in there

blue said...

blind governor makes me think this could end badly

blue said...

"He will be the first African American Governor of New York and the fourth-ever in the United States (following P. B. S. Pinchback, Douglas Wilder, and Deval Patrick)"

PBS Pinchback?

Keith S said...

I was going to make a tasteless joke but decided against it.

blue said...

that's not very LoV of you Keith

blue said...

i'm sure I would have laughed at said tasteless joke

Keith S said...

I was going to say, if big buildings could be destroyed with a Governor who could see, imagine the destruction that could happen with a governor who can't see what's coming.

Keith S said...

EP won't like that.

blue said...

ah, but because he's blind his other senses are heightened, so he's got super hearing and smell and stuff...so he can hear the terrorists plotting

Keith S said...

That makes sense.

Tyler said...

With the first pick of the 2008 MLB Draft...

the Crazy Eyed Killas select...

Ryan Braun, Third Baseman, Milwaukee Brewers.

blue said...

good choice tyler

blue said...

braun offers flexibility because he can play 3b or the OF

Keith S said...

But he could hurt your team when he doesn't play on Yom Kippur

Tyler said...

Mainly it's just to piss Meiz off because he drafts 2nd.

blue said...

i think 2nd would have been a stretch for him even for meiz...i think that's why he was pissed that he was pissing 2nd.

Spaceman Spiff said...

with the second pick, spiff picks prince fielder.

his newfound vegetarianism will lead to a shit load of stolen bases

Tyler said...

ESPIN has him ranked 14th.

Spaceman Spiff said...

too bad i dont have the second pick

Keith S said...

mize may be pissing 2nd, but he's shitting 1st

Tyler said...

Who drafts third? They HAVE to draft Fielder in the second if Meiz doesn't draft him 2nd.

Keith S said...

I'll draft Fielder 9th or 12th

Keith S said...

I'm going to draft all Mets & Brewers, then sell them to EP/Mize

Tyler said...

Draft Braun 9th and Fielder 12th.

blue said...

that's about how FMLB worked last year....EP's team was full of Mets and finished last, Meiz had a ton of brewers and finished out of the playoffs.

Keith S said...

The fm wants me to go to a bridal expo with her on Saturday. I told her I'd rather off the roof, face first, into a cactus

blue said...

*fall

Tyler said...

Then Beltran in the third.

Keith S said...

*fall or *jump

blue said...

tyler, you should build anticipation as to who you're going to take with the 1st pick

Tyler said...

Ouch. Yeah, there's a lot list of things I'd rather do than go to a bridal expo. That sounds painful.

Keith S said...

It's her, her friend, and her friend's mom going. I can't believe she even asked if I would go.

Keith S said...

Plus, I would miss the LoV draft.

Tyler said...

"It's her, her friend, and her friend's mom going. I can't believe she even asked if I would go."

Um, yeah. She should know better.

blue said...

they're going to the bridal expo that early?

Keith S said...

It starts at 10:00. Draft is at 9:30 here I think.

Tyler said...

It's 2 days, 21 hours, 35 minutes and 8 seconds from now if you want to be exact.

blue said...

keith is drafting from Hawaii?

blue said...

"they're going to the bridal expo that early?"

the early part was because somebody was bitching about how early the draft was on a saturday

Keith S said...

"keith is drafting from Hawaii?"

Huh?

blue said...

the draft is at 11 pacific time

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I will ketchup

blue said...

.24 rev

Keith S said...

Did the draft time get moved? It was at 9:30 PST when Tyler was bitching about how early it was.

JFreak said...

Things thought while watching First and 10.

You know, Skip Bayless is an idiot an all, but whenever I see him, he just looks like he's arguing for the hell of it, not because he believes the ludicrous things he's saying.

On the other hand, Rob Parker is just stoopid.

Keith S said...

1st & 10 was a great show on HBO way back when.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I don't see myself getting Prince or Braun. Delux will take one of them or both with 10 & 11

JFreak said...

why is he in the league?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Draft looks like its at noon CDT now. ouch.

Keith S said...

So 10:00 here. That just gives Tyler another half hour of drinking.

blue said...

stupid daylight savings time is fucking with our draft.

blue said...

this is a vagina friendly blog

Keith S said...

Speaking of....where is beth?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"why is he in the league?"

Because we need 10 and he's paying.

And he's been in every one of our leagues.

blue said...

"And he's been in every one of our leagues."

i don't mind him being in the league unless he bumps someone else out, which he didn't. Plus his teams always suck, so it's like dead money

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Plus his teams always suck, so it's like dead money"

So true

Keith S said...

Like anyone is going to send in money

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I intend on it.

blue said...

i'm planning on it, i trust the teminator

Tyler said...

Draft is at 10am you tards.

I have to babysit my niece and nephew while my sister and brother-in-law run a garage sale, but I am "taking a break" to draft.

Keith S said...

*Like anyone who won't make the playoffs is going to send in their money

Tyler said...

In 'N Out time.

blue said...

my fantasy karma has ended, i won't make the beisbol playoffs...i sold my soul to beat the quitter last season

Keith S said...

Yeah, you need to stop winning

Keith S said...

older

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"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino