Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I'd like to teach the world to sing... but y'all are a bunch of tone deaf bitches.

So much for getting in early. Slept through that alarm and barely got it. Already getting shit for it (jokingly). Lick furry ballz. And I just learned I have a Tuesday conference thing that I must attend. Great. When am I getting paid for this? Well, I guess not being at the actual office is payment enough. Or so I tell myself.

I hate when: people mumble outloud to "themselves" but are really doing it just to let you know that they're doing something important. For example, at work.. someone will walk by and do The Mumble trying to let you know that they only look like they're slacking off and BS'ing, but really they are doing some important task and now they are moving on to the next important task. Fuckers. This is especially annoying when the Mumbler is someone who is already a work slob, so it just amplifies their douchbaggeryness times 10. So to IT lady, since you only work here 'cause of your husband.. stop with the faux-working noises. Ya aint foolin shit.

Life imitating art, imitating life.

I don't know what that means.

Neither do you though.

That's why we're all here.

Kobe wants traded? I heard he was going to the Bulls. I have it on good faith that this is a done deal. Luol Dung, Ben Gordon and international sensation(!) Angelo Marteblo are on their way to La-la Land. Isn't it retarded when someone says La-la Land? I want to punch throats. Ya know, I do feel slight remorse every time I say "retarded" and yet I still let it slip in conversation. But the worser thang is when someone chides you and says something about how you should not say it. I'm sorry, sometimes something is just fucking retarded. Sometimes there are key words, which should really be fazed out of everyday conversation, but there are simply no replacements to use. Where douche has become a severly overused and beaten-down word, sometimes there is simply no replacement. Somefuckingtimes I just don't feel the need to stop and censor myself or try to come up with a term that is going to encapsulate my emotions as well as those words will do... and I must use them. So to the lady who gave me a motherly suggestion to "use another word" this past weekend.... go fuck yourself, you retarded fucking douchebag.

And sigh.

And from the no-shit bin making headlines this morning...

"K-State coach thinks Beasley is going to turn pro"

"Hobbled Warriors forward Webber set to retire"


I wish we had more time together, but we dont. So I'm just gonna spooge on ya' fayce and leave. So consider this post a face spooge.

SSSSSSPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!

354 comments:

1 – 200 of 354   Newer›   Newest»
Tyler said...

La-la Land IS retarded. People need to stop saying it.

blue said...

Interesting post Iam

blue said...

I agree about the use of retarded. I find myself using it every once in a while. Usually I say something like 'hey retard' or 'quit being so retarded'...of course retard jimmy's mom doesn't think that's so funny, but he laughs

tem said...

a good post for sure.

tem said...

my half sister is retarded.

so if anyone calls me out on it i can just say that and then i get a free pass.

tem said...

of course that may or may not be true. but nobody will ever check to see if i have a half sister, let alone whether or not she is retarded.

blue said...

i have a sister that is not retarded, but i tell people that she is

tem said...

you never told us that.

blue said...

i worried for a while that babyblue would be born a retard because I use the word too much...so far she is not

tem said...

so far

blue said...

"you never told us that."

you never axed

tem said...

perhaps God will punish you in another way.

tem said...

"you never axed"

touche

tem said...

end of last post has some good action.

beth is there with hilarity about squirting.

also a temrant on bumper stickers.

blue said...

i read those comments..yawn

ToddPacker said...

funny stuff, iam

blue said...

strange story

obama is related to brad pitt
whilst clinton is related to angelina jolie

Beth said...

Yeah, nice post. I love the title of it. Funny and condescending at the same time (i.e. typical Iam).

blue said...

obama is related to GW Bush too, he's got a lot of white relatives

ToddPacker said...

UF over ASU.... time for pic and name change for keith

tem said...

"i read those comments..yawn"

hmm, have fun fucking up that interview today.

ToddPacker said...

both nit games were good last night... nice comeback for umass

ToddPacker said...

blue is an interview machine

blue said...

"hmm, have fun fucking up that interview today."

don't worry, i will

Jugdish said...

Mr. Belding in Vegas...

blue said...

i don't think i have a shot in hell of getting this job, but it's an hour out of my day to find out

tem said...

umass comeback was unreal.

blue said...

i've decided that calathes is a douche

ToddPacker said...

keith's new name:
I ♥ the Gators

pic:
link

ToddPacker said...

calathes seems to have that quality, blue... but the kid can pass

tem said...

does the ♥ work in names?

tem said...

also that pic is extraordinary mspaint skillz.

blue said...

"does the ♥ work in names?"

yes, but you have to copy and paste it from a comment

blue said...

and i agree, those MS paint skillz are hook da hook

El Padrino said...

those are good ms paint skillz tp

El Padrino said...

i can sing

El Padrino said...

like to hear it here it go

TRULLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
TRULY IN LOVE WITH YOU GIRL

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

tem said...

i can't sing.

blue said...

i'd like to be taught to sing...by some hot chick

Beth said...

Everyone knows that singers are better in NY.

blue said...

singers are better in New York, because of Broadway

Beth said...

That doesn't help EP though, he needs singers to be better in NY simply cause it's NY.

tem said...

in the metro area for sure.

tem said...

H can probably sing.

blue said...

well yeah, the metro area was assumed

tem said...

i had to clear that up for the retards.

iamresurrected said...

i ♥ beth.

i welcome your support.

tem said...

i get to go see Horton Hears a Who today.

blue said...

why?

tem said...

because i am taking some retards to see it.

tem said...

my little cousins are in town and that is what they want to do.

ToddPacker said...

cheese heroin is #56 on today’s google trends

CoLoV

tem said...

i figure with a wedding band and 2 little kids i am guaranteed to get some chicks attention.

if only my wife hadn't died in that skydiving accident.

tem said...

can we get LoV on google trends?

ToddPacker said...

that would be funny

tem said...

my plan will backfire though because i doubt there will be many hotties at the movie theatre on wednesday.

ToddPacker said...

getting lov on google trends seems like a lot of work

blue said...

retards enjoy the Suess

tem said...

work is for retards.

blue said...

some retards have jobs bagging groceries

El Padrino said...

fires all around me

El Padrino said...

i gotta start pissin on them

tem said...

beat them out with retards.

blue said...

get a chick to squirt on them

El Padrino said...

i am flame retardant

blue said...

newer

tem said...

i am really hungry.

but can't go eat yet.

tem said...

we slowed down a lot.

tem said...

where is I ♥ the Gators?

blue said...

I ♥ the gators probably died from the heat in AZ.

El Padrino said...

he's a welcher

blue said...

how not to drill a hole in the wall

blue said...

I ♥ the gators sounds kind of weasely to me

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fuck work. Got absolutely shitbagged last night.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Time to sort the retarded mail

iamresurrected said...

another weasel in our midst? for shame.

Spaceman Spiff said...

re: DMX article from end of last post

"It’s two different albums. Two albums, separate albums. I got a couple more tracks to do on it and that’s done. It’s the first time anybody did anything like this—two separate albums on the same day."

didnt nelly do this? with the 'sweat' and 'suit' albums

iamresurrected said...

"didnt nelly do this? with the 'sweat' and 'suit' albums"

shhhh. nobody likes a fact finder.

El Padrino said...

nelly oh lord

tem said...

i don't think he starts work for another 3hrs.

tem said...

HUNGRY

ToddPacker said...

"i don't think he starts work for another 3hrs"

yeah, keith works a late schedule

ToddPacker said...

keith is not weasely

blue said...

he's usually posted by now, he's being weasely

ToddPacker said...

so these oakland/boston games count in fmlb?

JFreak said...

Meiz, UniWatch is doing an ESPN chat at 1 ET on Friday.

ToddPacker said...

were those oak/boston games on tv... i didn't check the mlb package to see if they were airing them

ToddPacker said...

"Meiz, UniWatch is doing an ESPN chat at 1 ET on Friday"


meiz is sorting the mail

ToddPacker said...

*the retarded mail

Spaceman Spiff said...

scratch my question, reading the rest of the article I found that DMX is insane

blue said...

"so these oakland/boston games count in fmlb?"

yessur

Spaceman Spiff said...

deke is killing me in fmlb

El Padrino said...

espn 2 had them on, 6am
i watched a few innings this am

harden looked fantastic as he does every march/april

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Done.

blue said...

you're the man dikembe meiztombo

blue said...

buckle your seatbelt....you could learn a lot from a dummy

Spaceman Spiff said...

keeley and her beatiful tits

NSFW

blue said...

thanks spiff

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I saw those yesterday, Spiff. Fantastic stuff.

blue said...

"I saw those yesterday"

and you chose not to share?

El Padrino said...

bongos

blue said...

natural is so nice

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"and you chose not to share?"

Linking's a pain in the ass

El Padrino said...

Read this.

You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University . It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. For a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and
said, "F---you!" Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!"

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out
about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'pr! iceless ' commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion: $3,000

Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD

blue said...

meiz's laziness is going to kill LoV...the blood is on your hands

blue said...

that's a good story EP

El Padrino said...

a damn good story

I ♥ the Gators said...

Nice work Bob Ross.

blue said...

oh, the weasel shows up

I ♥ the Gators said...

And anyone that called me a weasel, go fuck yourselves

I ♥ the Gators said...

It's 9:30 here.

blue said...

hilarity

I ♥ the Gators said...

Putt @ Amen Corner

blue said...

well done TP

tem said...

i think i heard about that story awhile ago.

sounds like one of those urban legends.

blue said...

i can't play that game because i can't get shockwave to load

Spaceman Spiff said...

awesome story

tem said...

snopes

blue said...

that guy is awesome

El Padrino said...

a hero

Spaceman Spiff said...

damn that shit EP posted is from 1995

tem said...

i was hoping more would evolve out of the blue and keef slapper

blue said...

nah, weasels don't usually enjoy slappers

blue said...

thanks for the snopes buzzkill tem

JFreak said...

Snopes is essential.

tem said...

don't blame me.

tem said...

any sort of wedding buzz that exists i have to kill it.

blue said...

fair enough

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Nice work Tem

blue said...

retards

tem said...

retarded is a good word

tem said...

that's what i always said stuff was when it was dumb.

a lot of people say its gay, but now they can't say that anymore.

retarded stood the test of time.

tem said...

i got a vicious paper cut

blue said...

retarded does stand the test of time

blue said...

"i got a vicious paper cut"

did you slip on a mcdonalds bag and slice open your arm on said paper?

blue said...

lunch

tem said...

no i grabbed a piece of paper inappropriately and it fought back.

tem said...

now i have a band aid on my right middle finger. it actually hurts my typing.

tem said...

i am leaving in 90 minutes or so.

tem said...

xavier is going to shoot 30+ free throws and beat the mountaineers.

ToddPacker said...

"Nice work Bob Ross."

thank you

ToddPacker said...

funny wedding story.. i didn't read the snopes thing, was it a fake story?

ToddPacker said...

" it actually hurts my typing"


tem is on the LoV DL

tem said...

no, i am just day to day with a finger.

tem said...

JD Drew would be out for months with a paper cut this bad.

ToddPacker said...

tem is there a deadline on the FMLB payment... i still didn't send it out

JFreak said...

"i didn't read the snopes thing, was it a fake story?"

yes, it's from 1995.

ToddPacker said...

i would hate to get kicked out of the league

ToddPacker said...

JD Drew is worthless

JFreak said...

if you don't pay, aitch will come and collect.

tem said...

you can still send it without any penalties.

ToddPacker said...

"if you don't pay, aitch will come and collect"

i was just thinking the same thing

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Hey dummy! Get the French bitch out of here.

El Padrino said...

i will be ridiculed if i pick the mets to win the WS won't I

JFreak said...

"i will be ridiculed if i pick the mets to win the WS won't I"

it's highly likely.

I ♥ the Gators said...

On this day in 1973...

The UCLA center Bill Walton led the Bruins to their seventh consecutive NCAA basketball championship with an 87-66 victory over Memphis State

tem said...

you will be ridiculed irregardless of who you pick.

I ♥ the Gators said...

"i will be ridiculed if i pick the mets to win the WS won't I"

Nothing less would be expected

tem said...

i just listened to a song called "Smell that Chick"

I ♥ the Gators said...

My car failed the emissions test today. Yay.

tem said...

Memphis State? They don't even exist anymore do they?

they took the loss hard.

tem said...

"My car failed the emissions test today. "

it should have spent more time studying.

tem said...

"My car failed the emissions test today. "

that is because it is retarded.

tem said...

"My car failed the emissions test today. "

spooge is an emission

tem said...

"My car failed the emissions test today. "

you should have had another car take the test for your car.

tem said...

a "My car failed the emissions test today. " Z.

bask.

I ♥ the Gators said...

tem is bored

I ♥ the Gators said...

"Memphis State? They don't even exist anymore do they?"

It's just Memphis.

I ♥ the Gators said...

They realized that Memphis wasn't a state

tem said...

they just dropped the state?

tem said...

hell i thought memphis was a totally different place than the old memphis state.

tem said...

"tem is bored"

agreed

tem said...

30 minutes before tem leave for the day.

i was going to leave at 3, but now i am leaving at 2:30.

ToddPacker said...

why does tem get to leave early?

JFreak said...

that 70's show

I ♥ the Gators said...

"hell i thought memphis was a totally different place than the old memphis state."

That's what you get for thinking

I ♥ the Gators said...

"why does tem get to leave early?"

He has retard counseling at 3:30.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I got a 7 @ Amen Corner

tem said...

"why does tem get to leave early?"

my family is in town, so i get to show them around town.

tem said...

"He has retard counseling at 3:30."

counseling in on monday.

I ♥ the Gators said...

"my family is in town, so i get to show them around town."

They've never seen cars or buildings before.

El Padrino said...

but they are so good!

I ♥ the Gators said...

Tigers & Yankees are better.

tem said...

"They've never seen cars or buildings before."

nope.

tem said...

ok, work is boring.

i am leaving now.

with any luck i'll miss traffic and get there an hour ago.

I ♥ the Gators said...

Columbus doesn't have time travel

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

The Cubs are due for a WS win

El Padrino said...

tigs are very good but i think cleavland takes that division by a nose because of detroits bullpen issues

hard, hard call but that's my 2 cents on the AL Central

Yanks are not better.

El Padrino said...

"The Cubs are due for a WS win"

copy and paste this next year deke
dont worry it will apply

blue said...

mets would have been the favorites if everybody hadn't gotten hurt.

oh and the fact that they choked at the end of last season

I ♥ the Gators said...

"oh and the fact that they choked at the end of last season"

Did the Mets choke last year?



s

blue said...

Espin is bringing sexy back

meiz just spooged

ToddPacker said...

timberlake is a clown

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"timberlake is a clown"

Watch your mouth, old man.

I ♥ the Gators said...

timberlake is a clown = fightin' mize words

El Padrino said...

"mets would have been the favorites if everybody hadn't gotten hurt."


who got hurt?

I ♥ the Gators said...

I think mize/TP would be a good fight.

blue said...

funny like a clown?

I ♥ the Gators said...

Unless Mize broke out his light saber.

El Padrino said...

please dont answer that with the name, ALOU

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino