Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I have no pictures

I have no pictures to post. In fact I dislike cameras and I dislike pictures. I have no logical reason for this. This should surprise no one because I hardly ever have a logical reason for hating things. One would think this is a commentary on me, but it isn't really. I think lots of people hate things for no good reason. It's just that I post about them on a blog that more than 5 people read.



I'm not going to talk much about the NCAAs, but I will say my upset pick is Winthrop. Also I secretly like WVU's chances to make it to the Sweet 16, but on the other hand I non-secretly figure they will get blown out by Arizona. In NIT news today is the day that I find out whether or not I will my bet with the CFO as to whether or not Ohio State would win 20 games this year. I said no, he said yes. They are 19 and something and play tonight. Against the tall guy. 100% chance the tall guy blocks one of Doufus' lay up attempts. Doufus is the freshman center for OSU who is like 7'1" but hardly ever dunks. He is from Ohio, but plays like a soft Euro. Apparently his parents are Greek or something.



How did Adam Carolla get on Dancing with the Stars? He realizes this is the equivalent of putting the final nail in your own coffin right?

I really don't have much else to talk about. I think that makes me a partial failure. Which is par for the course. If you don't like it GFY.

Movie review of a movie tem has never seen before: El Pad's #70 movie Judgement Night

This movie is an offshoot of the Terminator Movies. Instead of Judgement Day, It is Judgement Night. Same concept, computers try to take over the world by blowing up humans. But instead of hapening during the day, it happens at night. This means there are more scenes with night vision goggles. Also, because it is at night there are lots of instances of robots busting into homes while people are having sex. Lots of boobage is seen, so that is nice.

Anyway, so the robots are trying to kill everyone at night, but one robot is good and trying to save everyone. But its dark outside so he constantly kills the wrong people. It is hilarity. I really think this movie inspired the Wayans brothers to do all of their spoofs. This movie isn't meant to be a spoof, but the unintentional comedy is off the hook. Danny DeVito is the most powerful evil robot. Hilarity. Kirstie Alley is the good robot. Kirstie Alley as an action star is Hilarity Squared.

The movie ends with Kirstie accidentally killing the last human, remember it is dark out and not her fault. An odd ending for sure.

4 helmet stickers out of 5. Lots of unintentional comedy, but it inspired too many spoof movies.

621 comments:

1 – 200 of 621   Newer›   Newest»
Tyler said...

It is early on the west coast.

tem said...

indeed it is. why are you awake?

Tyler said...

Have to go to this thing called work. I should probably take a shower.

blue said...

good post tem, i can feel your hatred from here

tem said...

the hate is strong in me.

i'd be a hell of a sith.

tem said...

i am at work.

i showered for it.

in fact i shower every day before i go to work.

blue said...

i don't think i've ever forgotten to take a shower before work.

forgetting to shave happens

iamresurrected said...

whores

tem said...

i just found an extra pen on my desk.

i am not sure whose (who's?) it is.

tem said...

i am not sure to whom it belongs.

tem said...

i have forgotten to shave.

and i forget deodorant about once every two weeks.

luckily i am not hairy or sweaty.

tem said...

ha soos just called me a whore.

i am a failure at being a whore.

iamresurrected said...

i was gonna be cordial but decided against it.

blue said...

that's creepy tem

tem said...

cordial has no place here.

plus you are now upper management.

blue said...

yeah, i am is all corporate now

blue said...

"i am is" sounds like horrible engrish

iamresurrected said...

Dear Gilbert,

We liked you. We liked your career. We liked where it was headed.

Our condolences.

Sincerely,
Your cartilage.

iamresurrected said...

funny blew

iamresurrected said...

"We have cheese and the new pretzel/cracker on the table by my desk."

group email, yes!!

iamresurrected said...

thats way more than 10 feet away though. maybe someone will bring me a plate.

blue said...

just one pretzel/cracker?

iamresurrected said...

Spiteful Hayzoose z

iamresurrected said...

its a big pretzel. its like one of those giant cookies u can buy at the mall.

blue said...

ah, ok

tem said...

giant pretzel? from the Pretzel Wagon?

tem said...

pretzel/cracker sounds like a bad name for a mixed baby.

iamresurrected said...

i also question what the "new" crackers are.. as if we all had been discussing our upcoming pretzel acquisition. crazy mofos.

tem said...

not sure which races would make up a pretzel/cracker.

white and something.

black or indian.

iamresurrected said...

jilarity from: tem

blue said...

the excitement around the new crackers seems sincere

iamresurrected said...

indian like take the land or indian like take the jobs?

tem said...

take the jobs.

with the dot not the feather.

with rev and not kod.

♥ the cow not eat the cow

blue said...

if rev had a kid it would be a pretzel/cracker

iamresurrected said...

i think i need to explore this sitution.

will advice.

El Padrino said...

hate is always welcome

tem said...

baby rev = pretzel/cracker.

put it in wiki, it is law.

tem said...

pracker for short.

tem said...

cretzel

tem said...

precker.

blue said...

cretzel was a tOSU QB

blue said...

cratzel

blue said...

"cretzel was a tOSU QB"

maybe that was Krenzel

tem said...

it was Krenzel and he was pure cracker.

tem said...

precker might be my favorite.


TWBS

tem said...

if tits posts more than 5 comments i will add a movie review.

blue said...

she's been busy with wedding plans

blue said...

she's working on renting out one of the hedonism resorts in jamaica for her wedding

iamresurrected said...

ok, so it's one of those egg-shaped/oblong ritz crackers... but pretzel version.

now i understand. a tasty snack.

iamresurrected said...

with assorted cheese cubes

tem said...

so it is not a giant pretzel like they have giant cookies?

tem said...

giant pretzel seems like a good idear.

tem said...

maybe we should go into the giant pretzel making bidness.

tem said...

el pad can get us on the stock exchange.

people will buy our stock.

we will just cash out and go back to doing nothing.

tem said...

this plan can't take more than 2 weeks to implement and execute.

tem said...

easy giant pretzel money.

blue said...

we could be the bear stearns of the pretzel business

tem said...

i don't see how this plan can fail.

tem said...

we'd be the talk of the pretzel magazines.

tem said...

who wouldn't want a giant pretzel in their office. with some cheese and some mustard to dip them in?


I can see the headlines now "giant pretzel replaces giant cookie as 5th favorite choice for office treat!"

tem said...

having a birthday? don't like cake? don't like pie? don't want veggies? don't want ice cream? tired of giant cookies? try the Giant Pretzel!

tem said...

pretzel talk is far too entertaining to me.

something is wrong with me.

tem said...

blue broke up a platinum Z on pretzels.

blue said...

is it a crunchy pretzel or a soft chewy one?

blue said...

i remember in hikeskool always going and buying those soft pretzels at the mall and dipping them in mustard...i don't buy them anymore though...

tem said...

soft chewy for sure.

tem said...

i guess crunchy could be available.

tem said...

but a giant soft chewy pretzel with dipping sauces.


can't fail.

blue said...

crunchy goes good with beer

tem said...

this is better than my urinal wraps idea.

blue said...

giant pretzel would be a superbowl staple.

we could use all the money from our IPO to have a superbowl commercial with a bunch of hot chicks eating giant pretzels

tem said...

beer does not go with mid day office parties.

sadly.

tem said...

we could just steal the kit kat song.

and make it "break me off a piece of that giant pretzel."

tem said...

i am having a giant pretzel for a party within the year.

even if i have to make it myself.

El Padrino said...

pretzel idea is genius

Pretzel with a Vengeance

El Padrino said...

how big we talking here
like a 2 foot pretzel
cuz i can market it with my idea of the footlong mozz stick

blue said...

pretzel talk reminds me of the simpsons episode where Marge goes into business making pretzels

tem said...

yeah like 2 foot pretzel.

comes in a big ass pizza box.

tem said...

"pretzel talk reminds me of the simpsons episode where Marge goes into business making pretzels"

see Pretzel Wagon comment above.

tem said...

Big Ass Foods Inc.


Big Ass Pretzels

Big Ass Mozz Sticks

blue said...

if only we knew somebody in the VC world

tem said...

viet cong?

blue said...

I always wished that I had enough money to be a venture capitalist, and people would bring me their ideas and ask me for money, and i'd make them kneel before zod.

tem said...

is zod what you call your penis?

blue said...

"viet cong?"

yes, they have the best porn

blue said...

no, but that would be a good name for a penis

blue said...

tem has not seen superman 2

tem said...

dumbass new big boss never reserves the conference rooms and always gets pissed when someone is using them when he wants to.

but nobody respects him so nobody leaves and he has to have his meetings in his office.

he won't last longer than 1yr here.

tem said...

tem has seen it.

but penis joke is funnier.

blue said...

it was funny

blue said...

not in a haha kind of way, but in a "i see what you did there" kind of way

tem said...

el pad is getting a patent for BIg Ass Foods Inc.

tem said...

"i see what you did there" humor is good.


i miss -------> humor


and i am going ______ to see ______

tem said...

solid start to the day.

dominated by pretzel talk, but that is ok.

tem said...

just as long as some precker doesn't steal our idea.

El Padrino said...

i have so many ideas, i keep them guarded

blue said...

98% chance that el retardo has giant pretzel talk in his next column

El Padrino said...

the foot long mozz idea was too good to be muted

blue said...

i have a kit kat this morning

blue said...

and 100

tem said...

a good morning for sure.

i even slayed some TPS today.

El Padrino said...

it's really busy
we getting alot of bear's business now, lucky us i guess
either way the white man wins

Tyler said...

Spiff is trying to corner the holds market.

El Padrino said...

man sues stripper for lap dance

tem said...

was it a bad dance.


holds are waiver wire fodder.

El Padrino said...

has t made a decision yet

tem said...

t = ?

tem said...

seems like we hit a ***wall

just in time for HUNGRY

well maybe a little early.

all the pretzel talk got me hungry though.

El Padrino said...

I call Tyler "T", it makes him cooler.

El Padrino said...

not like he needs help being cool...

blue said...

Mr. T?

Spaceman Spiff said...

i thought i had holds set, didnt know lyons was now the d-bags closer

blue said...

he is?

blue said...

i figured they'd make that cruz guy the closer

El Padrino said...

why hasn't one made me aware my favortite 2basemen has anal fissures

El Padrino said...

Highlight of the article:

An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation. [...] Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Various causes of this fissure include:

* Straining to defecate, especially if the stool is hard and dry
* Severe and chronic constipation
* Severe and chronic diarrhea
* Crohn's disease and Ulcerative colitis
* Tight sphincter muscles
* Anal intercourse

blue said...

I think we mentioned that last week whilst you were away EP

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No work makes me happy. I feel like poop.

blue said...

anal intercourse

blue said...

sounds about right for kaz

Jugdish said...

Leave it to the ASStros!

El Padrino said...

ba-dum-bum

El Padrino said...

mize be careful, all that shitting might lead to anal fissures

Keith S said...

"man sues stripper for lap dance"

That's a classy largemouth bass tattoo in that picture

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I either read or heard another thing that el tardo stole from us last night. I forgot what it was.

El Padrino said...

i might have to change mcnamme's miller lite name to Kaz's Anal Fissures

El Padrino said...

what else is new Mize

Keith S said...

Anal fissures does not sound pleasant

El Padrino said...

Maybe he has tight sphincter muscles

blue said...

"Stephen Chang, who is married and works for an unnamed investment firm"


do you know stephen chang EP?

El Padrino said...

this is far too entertaining

El Padrino said...

funny you say that blue, i looked him up on our directory, got no hits

unless, Sun Chang is really Stephen which makes sense because what grown man would agree to be called Sun...so possible but unlikely

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I just found out that when Ron-Ron was on the Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City just for the employee discount.

Awesome.

Keith S said...

EP
I finished the AL preview yesterday. What's your email?

blue said...

Ron Ron stories are pure gold

Keith S said...

Did anyone put together a WCBB bracket league?

Spaceman Spiff said...

blue, according to yahoo, lyons has taken over as closer, but is struggling

El Padrino said...

TEABAGZ55@aol.com

Keith S said...

They've been talking about Lyons being the closer here all winter.

El Padrino said...

but i'd rather use my work email
what's yours i'll send you an email

Keith S said...

Got it, EP

Keith S said...

I just sent it.

Keith S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keith S said...

They have an amber alert out here where 3 guys who were armed with AK-47s walked up to a 13 year old girl and kidnapped her. I guess they thought she was dangerous.

Jugdish said...

Did anyone go out for green beer last night?

Keith S said...

Negative

Spaceman Spiff said...

no, but did have corned beef and cagbbage

JFreak said...

i thought jug was in space.

El Padrino said...

no green beer but beer nontheless

Jugdish said...

No space for me.

I went to Lucky's last night. No green beer, but I did have a Bud Lite in a green bottle.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm so over St Pat's day

Tyler said...

Yeah, Lyons is the closer, Pena is setup, but I heard it could switch at some point. Lyons has had a horrible preseason, I think his ERA is over 11. They still say he's the guy though.

El P, I think I'm gonna pass. I think Pronk bounces back this year and I'm actually warming up to O-Cab. He's not as bad as I thought he was.

blue said...

the beer was green when i puked it out. (s)

blue said...

Pena was the guy I was thinking of, not Cruz...I get all those spanish names mixed up, they're all the same to me

Tyler said...

Lyons was a guy I was targeting to get a cheap closer, but Spiff took him in the round I wanted to take him. I guess Meiz had him in his queue as well, so I probably wouldn't have got him anyway.

Keith S said...

shocking

blue said...

I actually had him in my queue but i was going to take him as a holds guy

Spaceman Spiff said...

somebody stole the copper pipe outside, thats why the plumbing was out yesterday, apparently copper is worth something

El Padrino said...

blue's a racist

blue said...

stealing copper is a big thing at construction and demolition sites here. the police busted like 15 homeless people who were taking all the copper pipe out of an abandon building here the other day.

El Padrino said...

Ok T

Spaceman Spiff said...

i should have taken papi in round deuce

blue said...

"blue's a racist"

nah, i just don't like mexicans

Tyler said...

"apparently copper is worth something"

There was a Sopranos episode where they bought some run down houses, stripped the place for the copper pipe and then I think there was a "fire" and they collected the insurance money.

El Padrino said...

copper is like $3.80 a pound
not bad

JFreak said...

Jim Thome had 35 home runs last year?

I thought he was hurt.

Steve said...

green beer is for tourist.

El Padrino said...

TP - do you want Tulo, say for Morneau?

Steve said...

"copper is like $3.80 a pound
not bad"


How would a homeless dude sell used copper pipes though? I don't know of a way to get rid of it.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

My buddy works construction, and at one of the big jobs they had last summer the property owner told them that they can have the copper if they dig it out.

Dude got 20K out of it. Fuck that guy.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"How would a homeless dude sell used copper pipes though? I don't know of a way to get rid of it."

Recycling center. You know bums know where that place is.

El Padrino said...

"How would a homeless dude sell used copper pipes though? I don't know of a way to get rid of it."

junkyards

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Junkyards don't actually buy shit, do they?

El Padrino said...

i got alot of dead weight, looking for takers on Greene, Uggla, Anderson, Beckett, and Dye

El Padrino said...

"Junkyards don't actually buy shit, do they?"

of course they do, you think the mafia/thieves gives away those airbags/rims/radios/alarms/copper/silver for free?

blue said...

"Junkyards don't actually buy shit, do they?"

some do, because they recycle it too, that's why they ask you what you have and tell you what pile to unload it on.

El Padrino said...

copper and silver mostly at a scrap metal place which is still called a junkyard here

El Padrino said...

like the place Mr Wolf left Jules and Vincent to catch a cab

iamresurrected said...

out of all my travels, NYC has the best junkyards around.

just fyi.

El Padrino said...

that's no lie

Steve said...

Obama's speech...

bla bla bla my pastor is an old dirty senile racist bla bla bla half the time he doesn't know what he's saying bla bla bla bla remember my mom was white bla bla bla bla she's the one that raised me bla bla bla

i just summed up 4 pages of transcript.

blue said...

NYC has a bunch of junk

Steve said...

i would be a horrible speech writer.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"NYC has a bunch of junk"

And a bunch of bums

tem said...

obama is a precker?

tem said...

i was flipping through the channels and stumbled on some WWF wrestling.

it was 2 guys vs 15.

one of the 15 was called hacksaw jim duggan. wft? they can't think of original names so they are just reusing old ones???

El Padrino said...

bums are important, keep ya on your toes

Steve said...

"obama is a precker?"

a preacher?


na, the pastor/preacher (whatever) in the church he grew up in, is ummmm...a bit off...he hates white people.

El Padrino said...

obama is a muslim, once that secret comes out he's finished

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No Tem. That's the real Hacksaw.

NS

Steve said...

"obama is a muslim"

negative, he's a christian

El Padrino said...

sure he is

tem said...

"No Tem. That's the real Hacksaw."

nfw

blue said...

because you hear about the apostle Obama all the time the bible.

tem said...

""obama is a precker?"

a preacher?"

negative on the preacher.

see 9:45-10:00am EST above for precker origins.

tem said...

i'm all for having a muslim in office.

maybe then the muslims would like us better and they would not try to blow us up.

and they'd sell us oil cheap so we wouldn't try to blow them up.

win, win, win.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Here you go, Tem.

El Padrino said...

tem that's not even funny

JFreak said...

and

JFreak said...

madness.

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino