Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Spoof Day

Call it spoof day, call it tem acting like an idiot day, call it Tuesday, it doesn't matter. What matters is that today I am going to write like all of our "favorite" Internet writers out there. Why you ask? Because I want to and it will entertain me.

Now on to it.


Recap of Weekend Football Shamford Style:

This weekend the Pats and Giants advanced to the Super Bowl in their thrilling as always fashion. It took the Giants two overtimes, but they finally got it done against the Packers on Saturday night. Eli Manning had the game of his life and Brett Favre in typical fashion threw the game away at the end, after keeping the Pack in it with his arm at the beginning. Brandon Jacobs was the story of the game as he rushed for over 125 yards and just battered the Packers D. Lawrence Tynes went from hero to goat to hero again as he kicked a tying field goal, missed two chances at a game winner, but finally booted a 47 yarder in the second OT.

The Pats handled the Chargers pretty easily on Sunday. Tom Brady had another near perfect game. The Chargers might have had a chance if LDT had played at all, but he wasn't even dressed for the game. The Pats D had little trouble stopping the LDTless Chargers and will continue their quest to 20-0 next Sunday at the Super Bowl in Los Angeles. Word is also coming out that Phillip Rivers had knee surgery just hours before the game....tracking.

5 Things I think I think, Skunkpatch Style:

1. I just recently saw some Extreme Cagefighting on Showtime last night and even though this is the first time I have ever seen it I think that qualifies me as an expert so I will talk about it. The fights were pretty good, very UFC like if you know what I am saying. I really think Tom Brady would dominate the middleweight class.

2. They changed the coffee at work and I just don't like it. Why do they mess with my coffee? Now it is something that comes in an orange can. I am going to make it my mission to get the old coffee back. It was spectacular, just like Tom Brady's Super Bowl career.

3. The Boston Celtics are the real deal folks. Don't let the mini slide fool you. I heard from Tom Brady that he thinks the Celts are going to win it all. And when Tom speaks, you listen.

4. So I was flying around the country as I always do because SI pays me to fly around and interview people and watch games that some people only dream of going and next to me was this guy who fell asleep and was snoring. Can you believe his nerve?? If Tom Brady was there he would not have been snoring.

5. My daughter's basketball team went down in defeat again this weekend. Speaking of going down, I bet their whole team would go down on Tom Brady, I know I would.


NBA quarterly report El Tardo Style:

Celtics, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. My wife is better than me. I never talk about my dog anymore because he died. I went gambling, my friends are dorks. My dad loves the Pats and Celts. Pats blah blah blah blah blah blah. Pats blah blah blah blah blah blah. I reproduced twice. Jimmy Kimmel is my friend. I am in the writers guild and can't make jokes about fake movies. Celtics, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah.Celtics, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah. Celtics blah blah blah blah blah blah.


Why the Chargers Lost Dork MQ style:

I'll never understand NFL coaches. They always do things that just make absolutely no sense to me. I am some sort of literary scholar so NFL coaches have something to learn about the NFL from me. It's no wonder the Chargers lost this weekend. They didn't stick with what was working! Darren Sproles was averaging 11.3 yards per carry!! Yet Norv Turner only gave him the ball 3 times! If coach Turner had just handed the ball off to Mr. Sproles the Chargers would have gotten a first down on EVERY PLAY! You can't lose if you are getting a first down on EVERY PLAY! You spent most of the game only down 1 score and instead of handing the ball off and keeping the vaunted Mr. Brady and company off the field you went all pass wacky. Here's a tip, when you are averaging 11.3 yards per carry RUN THE BALL!! Well Chargers fans, you are out of the playoffs because Norv just wouldn't stick with what was working.


OK now back to regularly scheduled programming:

NHL Update: Detriot still has the best record, they must be the best team. Go Wings!

Unspeakable addition: Summer Glau. The chick from Firefly and the Terminator TV show. I'd wreck her. Unless she was a robot. Then she would kill me, but it would be worth it. I heard robot boob from the future is very nice.

No movie review, I blew my load on the other stuff. Too bad. Maybe next week you ungrateful bastards. I mean loyal readers. No wait, I meant ungrateful bastards.

Remember Deke is the TCS champion. Congrats to him. Everyone give him a pat on the back, he is both the highest and lowest seed ever to win the TCS.

Now, shoo, go comment. Lurkers, go comment too.

477 comments:

1 – 200 of 477   Newer›   Newest»
tem said...

from the other post:

I went to college and have never had MLK day off. So I am not sure that is how you get the day off.

tem said...

Just me today?

tem said...

***wall

too early for a wall?

Jugdish said...

I liked the SP and SG impressions...A+!

Jugdish said...

Saw this on a news story, cracked me up:

A Volusia County nursing home resident who was found with maggots in one of his eyes, an infected breathing tube, a partially inserted cathater and bed sores has died, according to his family.

It is not known if the cause of death was related to the aforementioned conditions.

tem said...

That nursing home sucks.

tem said...

Also that is gross.

Jugdish said...

It was the maggots in the eyes headline that "caught my eye".

iamunstoppable said...

tem sets the bar high. nicely done.

Beth said...

So can you give yourself helmet stickers (were those called telmet stickers? I can't remember) for your own post? Very nice job on the spoof recaps.

tem said...

telmet stickers are different than helmet stickers.


i can give myself either, but nobody has gotten a telmet sticker before.

they are the most rare kind of sticker reward.

Beth said...

And I'm probably the only one here who feels this way, but I kind of feel bad for Eli. I think every single article I've read about him after their win on Sunday also mentioned Payton. I mean it's Eli's time, quit bringing up Payton every...single...time.

tem said...

El pad feels that way.

I suspect.

tem said...

And Mills probably.

tem said...

It's you, El Pad, and Mills.

Beth said...

Hmmmm, not sure I like that threesome...

(Yep, I intentionally set myself up with that line. :-))

Jugdish said...

quite the threesome

iamunstoppable said...

Saint Peyton!

Beth said...

But as much as I wouldn't like that threesome, I'm sure EP would like it less.

tem said...

I guess that means Mills would like it the most?

tem said...

I think El Pad would be OK as long as Mills didn't make a sound, touch him, look at him or move.

iamunstoppable said...

hallelujah!!

tem said...

This is an odd line of conversation.

Well not really for LOV, but for other folks.

El Padrino said...

fantastic post

El Padrino said...

market opened up down 300 points

rough

El Padrino said...

count me out of that threesome

i would never cross swords with a weasel

tem said...

but it wasn't down in anything you owned.

El Padrino said...

Took peyton 7 years, Eli 4

who's taking advice from who?

El Padrino said...

"but it wasn't down in anything you owned."

of course it is
401K which i understand is unrealized but irregardless you worry, especially when the market directly effects your work

El Padrino said...

MARIGN CALL gentelmen

tem said...

not you el pad.

you don't own losers.

El Padrino said...

that's true tem
so true

Beth said...

"not you el pad.
you don't own losers"

Nah, he just bets on them usually...

Sorry EP, I couldn't resist.

iamunstoppable said...

"Took peyton 7 years, Eli 4"

that just proves how shitty the NFC really is.

Beth said...

And that, as much as I don't like them, that New England plays in the AFC with Payton.

tem said...

maybe eli learnt from peyton's mistakes.

tem said...

New England is an OK team.

tem said...

slightly above average.

iamunstoppable said...

NE is not as good as their record.

s

Jugdish said...

They are way overrated.

Beth said...

I saw an article recently that mentioned the non football playing older Manning brother. Apperently he was a college wide receiver but had some spine condition or injury that made him have to give it up. But imagine how it must suck to be that guy in that family.

Beth said...

I just realized that everyone who has posted today except me has changed their blogger pics over the last few weeks or months (not sure how old Iam's is though). I think it may be time for a new pic for me.

But no, I'm not taking suggestions. :-)

Jugdish said...

He would be equal to Meg in familiy guy.

El Padrino said...

cooper
he was a stud until that injury
imagine 3 kids in the NFL

fucking crazy
he's a very successful business man though

Jugdish said...

Cooper Manning

El Padrino said...

makes me wanna rape olivia manning

Jugdish said...

Has anyone seen the Star Wars parody from FG yet?

El Padrino said...

that was out of bounds
15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on myself for that one

Jugdish said...

What would little Tony Manning become?

El Padrino said...

tp if the jets played in the NFC maybe they's win 4 games instead of 3

good point

El Padrino said...

"What would little Tony Manning become?"

50/50 shot
who knows
by the time i get of jail he could be headlining the shrine game or fixing a horse race

possibilities are endless

Jugdish said...

and then there is John P. Manning...

Beth said...

OK, let's see how this new cleavage pic shows up.

Beth said...

Hmmmm, not bad.

Jugdish said...

Can you zoom in on it just a touch?

tem said...

i like the other tits better.

tem said...

yes i saw FG spoof of SW.

tem said...

can't rape the willing el pad.

Jugdish said...

I made a Darth doody.

I sithed my pants.

My diaper has gone over to the dark side.

Beth said...

"Can you zoom in on it just a touch?"

If there's a way to do that, I don't know it.

I think I agree with Tem though, the other boobs were better. I may change back soon.

El Padrino said...

perfect for a titty fuck

Beth said...

I actually looked for a good abs shot as I think that's incredibly sexy on a woman, but couldn't find one I liked online.

Beth said...

"perfect for a titty fuck"

Aren't you still in timeout EP?

El Padrino said...

anyway i hate the two week break
let's play on sunday

El Padrino said...

no, the penalty will be assessed on the kickoff

tem said...

2 week break is terrible.

tem said...

wow 3/4 percent rate cut.

wow.

El Padrino said...

yeah, and they announced it this am which they NEVER EVER do

smells of fear

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem is the best columnist we have, p4p. and I don't even know what he weighs.

tem said...

--------------------->>>

Bob Sanders of LOV.

Mills said...

Bad day for you ElP. How much is everything down.

Nice 3/4 cut by the Feds though should hopefully level it out?

tem said...

sucks for the chick downstairs who just refinanced her house.

if she had just waited a week or two she could have gotten a better rate.

Mills said...

I guess that means Mills would like it the most?
-------
couldn't do it. sorry.

Mills said...

count me out of that threesome

i would never cross swords with a weasel
---------
i wouldn't cross swords with another man.

tem said...

i wouldn't cross swords with anything.

man, dog, whatever.

tem said...

interesting that you leave it open to a possible sword crossing with some other animal.

Mills said...

That will suck in the Jints lose Spagnulo. Defense is pretty salty right now. Imagine what we could do with Kiwanuka, and decent, not-hurt CBs...

Though I think Gilbride deserves a lot of credit too. No matter who we stick in at RB, they turn to gold. Good and underated offense.

El Padrino said...

coming to america

eddie murphy is a prophet

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I got nothing

El Padrino said...

weazy if you ever call my giant defense salty again i will find you and beat you

you can be a fan of el pad's team if you wish (even if it's because of your sexual attraction to phil simms as a young boy) but dont use gay words when talking about them


regards

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I saw that Coming To America thing last night.

El Padrino said...

Mc Carthy should be stripped of that coach of the year award

why he didnt give Al Harris any help is beyond me

tem said...

Coming to America thing is nice. Things like that are nice.

Just nice.

ToddPacker said...

nice post, tem

blue said...

good work tem

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

We're talking about catheters at work

El Padrino said...

why?

painful....

tem said...

does someone need one at work?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"why?

painful...."


exactly

tem said...

deke check your blog comments.

El Padrino said...

i'm in log deke

blue said...

yeah, check your blog comments

tem said...

yeah

El Padrino said...

while out sick i've determined that PTI is a good show

iamunstoppable said...

deke, peep your blog man

El Padrino said...

yea

iamunstoppable said...

likefuckingnow

blue said...

do it you homo

Keith S said...

"Took peyton 7 years, Eli 4"

For what it's worth, Rex Grossman made it in his 1st healthy year

Keith S said...

NFC is bad

Keith S said...

And not Michael Jackson bad

tem said...

keith ♥s Rex

tem said...

usually when 1 conference is totally dominant over the other. the weak conference ends up winning the title game.

well it happens a lot.

JFreak said...

"while out sick i've determined that PTI is a good show"

That's like 5 years late.

tem said...

enough for me to just now make up the theory....or postulate.

blue said...

its never happened

Keith S said...

"keith ♥s Rex"

Nah, I just ♥ comparing Eli to Rex.

El Padrino said...

But peyton needed home field throughout and a first round bye

and it's 9 years not 7

annnnd Rex had a killer D not to mention a first round bye and homefield throughout as well

annnnnnd the cowboys were 13-3 as were the packers

gavel.

El Padrino said...

"while out sick i've determined that PTI is a good show"

That's like 5 years late."

Sorry been at Work the past 5 years.

Keith S said...

"Sorry been at Work the past 5 years."

Hilarity

JFreak said...

"But peyton needed home field throughout and a first round bye"

This isn't true.

Colts still haven't won a game with a first round bye.

Colts won last year as a 3 seed.

blue said...

"But peyton needed home field throughout and a first round bye"

they didn't have a first round bye...SD and Baltimore had those...they beat KC at home, went to Baltimore and won, and then beat NE at home

blue said...

EP with some shamford like reporting

Keith S said...

That's gross that Baltimore was the 2-seed

ToddPacker said...

over/under on the # of archie shots at the SB??

tem said...

my post was awesome.

tem said...

HUNGRY

Keith S said...

El Padford

blue said...

But EP's point is valid..eli did it all on the road..like Pitt and Baltimore....whilst Peyton had 2 home games

El Padrino said...

"Colts still haven't won a game with a first round bye."

even worse

nontheless my mistake
apologies
unforgettable
i blame my superbowl giddyness

El Padrino said...

"El Padford"

easy there

ToddPacker said...

"That's gross that Baltimore was the 2-seed"

billick = genius

(s)

JFreak said...

"my post was awesome."

yes, yes it was.

blue said...

notice the only 2 teams that made the superbowl by winning 3 straight road games...went on to win said superbowl

El Padrino said...

right blue
and none bigger than this one if that were to hold true

El Padrino said...

aitch doesnt want to give me the 14 points

Keith S said...

blue
You're just getting ep's hopes up

ToddPacker said...

pats win by +20

blue said...

as we've seen it's difficult to beat a team 3 times in one season...so it's probably almost as hard to beat a team twice in one season...so the odds are in the giants favor

El Padrino said...

tp give me the points

another week of the shirtless wonder boy would do everyone good

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

EP, admin status granted

El Padrino said...

any plans for this new LOG deke?

JFreak said...

This summer, the legend lives on with Chris Farley


as



Batman!

blue said...

I am now an official LOGger

El Padrino said...

spiff your boy snyder has no clue what his doing

completely dogging gregg williams

El Padrino said...

if i were him i'd fucking quit already

El Padrino said...

"Breakdown: 1986 Celtics vs. 2007 Pats"

i didnt click the link but please tell me this did not happen?

El Padrino said...

Cuse's almost got the Hoyas last night....

JFreak said...

Syracuse choked.

Too bad.

El Padrino said...

they are young

JFreak said...

Good news for EP.

El Padrino said...

saw this on tv this am
and it's on the front page of the post

seems like a ploy
he's a faggot

JFreak said...

"he's a faggot"

well, yeah.

JFreak said...

it's easier to root for the giants with shockey out.

Keith S said...

On this day in 1982...
Edmonton Oilers center Wayne Gretzky added to his growing legacy when he set a National Hockey League record and scored his 61st goal of the season in his team's 50th game.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Does anybody have any of the old LOG entries for us to put up?

El Padrino said...

i didnt realize how much people hate shockey

Steve said...

Gisele



FUCK YOU TOM BRADY!!!

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'd be okay with Shockey if he would produce more.

Keith S said...

Shockey = Philip Rivers

Keith S said...

limited talent punk

ToddPacker said...

shockey is aweful

ToddPacker said...

or awful

ToddPacker said...

"tp give me the points"

can't bet on the pats... i hate both teams. i just hate the giants a little more

ToddPacker said...

Three more years of gruden tem

El Padrino said...

"Shockey = Philip Rivers"

bold statement

El Padrino said...

nice link steve

ToddPacker said...

"Does anybody have any of the old LOG entries for us to put up?"

i have a screen shot of the LoV member list.... lots RIP members

Keith S said...

""Shockey = Philip Rivers"

bold statement"

No, that would be Shockey = Philip Rivers

ToddPacker said...

blocked on steve's link

ToddPacker said...

still thinking about going to AZ, ep?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

TP should be a LOG member

ToddPacker said...

"TP should be a LOG member"

OK

Keith S said...

It's fitting that the guy who always shits is running the LOG

JFreak said...

one of my buddies is at sundance.

lucky bastard.

ToddPacker said...

original LoV members list from LoG

ToddPacker said...

what ever happened to eb?

JFreak said...

eb...didn't his ex-wife kill him?

ToddPacker said...

no blue or keith on that list

ToddPacker said...

"eb...didn't his ex-wife kill him?"

that's too bad

tem said...

yay original members.

ToddPacker said...

not sure why iam isn't on the list?

JFreak said...

someone should e-mail eb, see if he's still alive.

Keith S said...

teej was on there?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

TP, you've got mail

El Padrino said...

"still thinking about going to AZ, ep?"

negative
ordered a keg instead

too much for too little and keef balked at my proposal

ToddPacker said...

i'm in on the LoG, meiz

JFreak said...

teej wasn't a complete douchebag at first.

ToddPacker said...

"negative
ordered a keg instead

too much for too little and keef balked at my proposal"


keg = good

ToddPacker said...

i guess it should be

keg = great

JFreak said...

I just instructed my friend to punch ray ramano in the face.

JFreak said...

romano*?

tem said...

i doubt your friend does it.

JFreak said...

you're probably right.

but it'd be great to read a story about a crazed fan that attacked ray romano at sundance.

ToddPacker said...

why is ray romano at sundance?

Keith S said...

"too much for too little and keef balked at my proposal"

I didn't balk at the $300/night

Keith S said...

But if you ended up being crazy and killing me, the $300/night probably wouldn't be worth it.

JFreak said...

the last word

ToddPacker said...

"the last word"

got it

El Padrino said...

do i look crazy?

Keith S said...

You're Italian

Keith S said...

And you're from New York

ToddPacker said...

"You're Italian"

funny

tem said...

i might be crazy.

or i might be the nicest person on here.

ToddPacker said...

i wonder if rev will get petty-chills this year

El Padrino said...

two very good points keef

El Padrino said...

good to know:

The Giants will be staying out in Chandler, Ariz., and practicing at the Arizona Cardinals practice facility in Tempe, Ariz

Keith S said...

They're staying at my apartment

ToddPacker said...

"The Giants will be staying out in Chandler, Ariz"


so the giants are staying with keith

ToddPacker said...

200

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 477   Newer› Newest»

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino