Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A. I have been sick. It sucks. Second time in a month. I'm off for a week and a half from work for Christmas Break and I've been sick for 95% of it so far. Just my luck.
B. I have been looking for a condo. Yesterday, I finally found two that I like. Now I have to talk to the Real Estate Dude and the FInancial Guy to see how much of my money they want to take. 20% down + closing costs is a lot of fucking money. I have been going through my apartment looking for things to sell on eBay. If anyone knows someone who is in the market for a awesome 22" CRT monitor, let me know. I'll give them a REAL low price. Unfortunately, because of the economy, noone is buying SHIT. I have a bunch of old Shepard Fairey posters (the guy that did the Obama red and blue illustration) but I am afraid to put them up on eBay and then have them sell for just $150. So that helps me out a lot, thanks economy, you suck.
Lately I've been finding myself looking at prices for Washers and Dryers and other appliances because some of the places I've been looking at have the gas hook-ups, but no appliances. I never thought I'd find myself shopping for a Washer and Dryer, but here I am. It's a little strange. I have also been watching all of those housing shows on HGTV and A&E. This one woman in Texas was looking for a HOUSE under $100k and didn't have any money to put down. She found a big house that needed a little work for $79k and was complaining about how much work she would have to do. Fuck you lady in Texas. I would kill a dude for house at that price. You can't even get a studio condo in the ghetto for $79k here.
P.S. - $300+/month HOA fees are BULLSHIT, but since the only houses that I can afford are fixers in the ghetto, I guess I've gotta deal with it. I checked out a house yesterday in an area that Kod would have driven by going 50 with the doors locked and the windows rolled up. There would be NO WAY to get him out of the car, let alone look at the place. Yeah, it was that rough.
I was going to do a whole year in review thing, but because of the previous two problems, I said fuck it.
Ok, now to address some old business. Apparently, last week, I forgot a couple of people on my Christmas list, including Rev. But he's not the guy that got his panties in a twist over it. So, here's some belated presents for the people I missed:
Blue: A new coach for the Broncos that doesn't suck, so maybe they can make the playoffs next year.
Rev: Some cigars. Or food. Both are unhealthy for the dude, but I dunno what else to get the guy. Maybe Jimmy Rollins' game-worn jockstrap from Game Five? It could be the piece de resistance in the mancave.
Aitch: Some tissues for the next couple of years. Boo-hoo, it sure will suck to be a Boston sports fan now that all of that bad karma is coming back on youse* guys. I can't wait for KG and Paul Pierce's double ACL-tears next month. It is going to be awesome.
Jug: This dude is hard to shop for. Maybe a gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond? If he has time, of course.
Ok, onto sports.
As alluded to earlier, the Broncos fired Mike Shanahan. Their next coach really has their work cut out for them. They have 79 running backs, and none of them are dependable or durable. On offense, they have a nice, young Quarterback that needs some time to mature (he was terrible in that Chargers game) and both of their receivers are studs. Scheffler, when healthy, is very good. Their defense is a little up and down, and they really depend on Champ Bailey's health. I'd say their weaknesses are; health (Scheffler and Bailey really hurt them when they were out) and the running back problem. You know, they're in the AFC West, they SHOULD have won that thing. You've got two terrible teams in KC and the Raiders, and you've another team who's head coach is Norv Turner. I mean, seriously, do the math here, that division is ripe for the taking.
Personally, I think Shanahan got a raw deal. But I do think he dug his own grave a little. His downfall was the running back situation. You need to be able to run the ball and control the clock. I think his ego got involved and he thought that he didn't need a name back and that he could create one in his system. Well, it turns out that he could for a couple of years, but lately, not so much. Hopefully, for everyone that plays fantasy football, the new coach gets a good running back and stays with him.
It's been a crazy last couple of days to be an NFL coach. The Jets fire Mangini, and are now talking to Cowher about coaching the team, meanwhile, the Browns are talking to Mangini about coaching their team. Madness. Martz is fired, apparently Singletary is going to be kept on as head coach. That's three firings in three years for "Mad" Mike. Not good to have that kind of job history on the old resume.
MLB Rumor Mill: Apparently, three teams are interested in Derrick Turnbow. THREE TEAMS. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Other MLB Rumors: The Dodgers are talking to Adam Dunn. They're tired of waiting for Manny to make up his mind. I am tired of all of this waiting and wish everyone would pull their heads out of their asses and do something. All I have to say about Dunn is that if he signs with the Dodgers, you're looking at maybe 35 homers (Dodger Stadium is where power hitters lose all of their power), so you're left with some terrible defense in left field, and a .215-.230 average. AWESOME. The guy is an OBP machine, but the average is just a downer. Hopefully he keeps "In The Air Tonight" as his batter walkup music.
Great. Carlos Boozer is going to have knee surgery. I should have taken Deluxe's dumb-ass trade when I had the chance. I think it was Dalembert and Rashard Lewis for the Booz. Whatever.
All right, that's all I've got. Happy New Year Bitches!!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Anyway, time to dish out some good New Year wishes for the crew, clearly ripping off the Christmas gift idea from last week:
Beth - That fmbeth never finds out about this place and that anyone at this place never finds out fmbeth's true identity.
Blue - That the hot secretary forgets to wear her clothes one day and that you bring a camera that day.
Keith - A non-temgagement.
El Tardo - A quick and painless divorce, the divorce is coming, nothing can stop that, so hopefully it will be quick and painless.
Sports Ho - Directions to my crotch.
Andy - That someone in your town opens up a bait shop and that you find Deke's time masheen.
El Pad - Good luck with the barber and hope that eventually everyone will stop ripping on you for being gay.
Rev - A year with no hospital scares.
Tyler - A year with no paternity law suits.
Freak - A girl who isn't just using your for your money.
Kod - Some wicked father's day gifts from your new kids.
Zeke - A non-temgagement.
Spiff - The ability to get a Kathy Ireland nude pic. If anyone can do it, you can.
TMQ - A 2,000 word limit to your column.
Stiggy - A return to this place.
Jug - A job, preferably one that allows LOV access.
Skunkpatch - For someone to tell you that nobody really cares what you think about baseball, girls softball, coffee, planes or anything other than football. You should just be happy people care what you think about football.
TP - Another healthy year, another step closer to being the world's oldest man.
Mills - For people to stop calling your kid an alien...I kid, I kid.
Cumfast - Some brains.
Steve - Even more increased hilarity. You showed you can write normally for at least a couple hours, so you ain't dumb.
Iam - For people to quit calling you Hootie and finally realize that Darius is a real country name and a real country star. Keep up the good work Hoot, er Darius.
Whitlock - Respect from folks, you ain't weak.
Stumpy and Friends - More press passes. Yes I know it's not Stumpy, I don't care, Stumpy is funny.
MVN - A shovel, 7 trash bags, an open field with nobody around for hours. You know what to do.
H - A big break for the band, or to realize your full potential and just change your name to John Popper Jr. and to go on tour as The New Blues Traveller.
Dr. Z - Just be happy I even wrote your name.
That's all. So best of luck in the New Year to everyone.
OK just for kicks I am putting a tem movie review in:
This movie is a sequel/prequel of sorts to Wedding Crashers. It is basically just like the sequel to Dumb and Dumber, so yeah, it sucks. Anywho, it stars some no-name punks who look like a young Vince and young Owen. Except they aren't funny in any way. They never get invited to parties (hence the title). So they decide that the need to crash the big Hike School party.
So whilst planning to crash the big Hike School party they figure they need dates, so they come up with a plan to create a chick using some sort of weird science. So they create this super hot chick but before they can create another one the masheen blows up.
So they have like a week for this hot chick to make them cool. Hilarity ensues and finally the time comes for them to crash the party. They get to the party and totally can't get in. You know, because they suck. So then hot chick shows up and gets them in by showing off her rack. Works every time. So now that they are with the hot chick the cool girls start paying attention to them. The cool girls find out that the losers are really winners and ditch their jock boyfriends.
So the jocks get pissed and beat the shit out of the kids. You'd think the hot chick would help, but she is doing the star football player, turns out she is a whore. Without the hot chick there to save them the dorks get beat to a bloody mess and the hot hike school chicks realize that jocks are cool.
3 helmet stickers out of 5 for nudity involving many hot chicks and for a good lesson that dorks shouldn't aspire to nail hot chicks until they have money.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Another IN YOU FACE goes out to the Broncos, too. You had a 3 game lead with 3 games left and you couldn’t get it done. The good part in this is that we can all bet against Norv Turner next weekend. And we might get to see Tomlinson sitting on the bench again in a playoff game. Good times all around.
A third IN YOU FACE goes to the Tempa* Bay Bucs for blowing your playoff birth by losing at home to the Raiders. Really, all you had to do was beat a terrible team to get into the playoffs, and you let Michael Bush beat you. RIP Tempa* defense, you were a magnificent sonofabitch.
The Deeeetroit Lions made us all happy and went defeated this year. Too bad Matt Millen couldn’t have lasted through the entire season. This would have been a great way to finish off his legacy. In other news, mize was at the game. Contrary to previous reports, Mike McCarthy did not axe him to suit up.
In other newz, UFC PPV was pretty suite. Some good fights with lots of action, and none of them went the distance. Rampage’s KO of Silva was nice work. Seeing a dude go limp from 1 punch is pretty creepy, but I could watch it a thousand times. If Frank Mir fights like he did on Saturday night, he’ll beat Lesnar pretty handily. The only shitty part of the night was we ended up with 4 chicks going with us, and for the hour we waited for the PPV to start, all they talked about was The Hills. If I had a gun I would have shot myself in the face.
That is all. Go talk.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Who I want to fall flat on thier face (Cowboys) and a 8-8 team getting into the playoffs as a #4 seed. Let's start with that game.
Arizona -6 gets in January shape? I think? $25
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I think this is why I try not to remember any of my dreams.
So, it's that time of year, and since Christmas is tomorrow, I have made a list of things that I would get everyone where if I had the money.
Beth - No shocker here, I would for some giant fakies. Just a ginormous set of bolt-ons. And she would be required to send me pictures of them pressed against glass everyday.
El P - Money. He's a capitalist and he lives in NYC, so that's all he really wants/needs. I'd try and give him enough to cover his credit card debt. Hopefully he doesn't blow it all trying to double-up by taking the Raiders +13 this weekend.
Zeke - Zeke is tough to shop for. A maybe a new 401k?
Spiff - $200 million so the Angels can resign Mark Teixeira. I hate Scott Boras. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I wrote this yesterday before he signed with the Yanks. Sorry, Spiff).
Iam - A basement recording studio so he can become the Timbaland of country music.
Kod - Adrian Peterson for a day, so Kod can sit on the couch while AP sprints to the refrigerator and back to get him CLs. Or a job in a city with a warm climate. Jeebus, Kod, seriously, you should move.
Freak - A real job, so he can move out of his parent's house and start the path toward adulthood.
Tem - I would send two strippers to the Temcondo and then wire him some extra money for the "after party" to make sure there was a happy ending.
Andy - Five minutes playing time in a Milwaukee Bucks game. If Ahmad Rashad can pull some strings and get in a Sixers game, I'm sure the Bucks will take my money.
Keef - Lots of alcohol. Because he's going to need it in a couple of months after the honeymoon wears off.
And that's all I've got. Mary* Christmas.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
TCS FINAL SCORES:
Andy M 72
Zeke started off slow, but pulled away at the end.
I hope blue doesn't quit now.
el pad 58
The worst match up of round 2. It's like neither side wanted to win.
Thanks for showing up Tyler. Kod would have gotten more points than that, but not 114 more.
In case you wondered the 1,2,3 and 5 seeds advanced.
ROUND 3 Match Ups To Start After The Holidays:
zeke vs spiff
keith vs el pad
I don't have the energy for a movie review. I suck.
Monday, December 22, 2008
WWL comment…“Exactly what Charger fans want: Rematch for the division. No excuse. Hochuli never happened.” Um, numbskull, if Hochuli never happened, this game wouldn’t be a must win for the Chargers.
In case you missed any of the action from LoVWE, apparently mize & kod think that mize is the “realest dog” in LoV. Yes, mize, who played a character known as “deke” for 2 ½ years. Feel free to mock them both.
As much shit as I give EP about the GGGGGGGGGGGmen, I can’t deny that they are a solid as. team. With that running game, they are gonna be tough to beat when it counts. Rotating between Jacobs/Ward is going to wreak havoc for anyone they face in the playoffs. Titans/Giants Super Bowl would be a suite game to watch with bolth* of those running games.
Weekend was alright. Went to a Chrismas* party on Saturday night which was decent. Not many people there, but that was fine because there was lots of booze. Left the party and went to the ol’ gentlemen’s club. It’s one of those places that doesn’t have a full lineup of hot chicks because of its location. But it’s about 100 times better than it was 5 years ago. But even though the talent isn’t A+, it’s a solid B, and solid B talent makes them work harder for their money. So there you go.
Softball update. This is the first time I’ve played in a few weeks, so we started a new season tonight. Split the double header and I went 4-6 with a walk. It was cold, too. I had to bust out my stocking cap. And fuck everyone who tells me that this isn’t cold. I know I don’t live in the Rockies, the midwest, or the northeast. But I live here, and it’s cold for here, so go fuck yourself.
Today is the last day of the 1st round of the TCS. I don’t know the official scores, but I’m guessing spiff is ahead of blue by about 100 points now. We really need to just give spiff the TCS crown right now.
Let's do this
Friday, December 19, 2008
Pittsburgh -2 over Tennessee ($200)
Who wants to play the Steelers right now? Great article in this weeks SI (yes I still get SI to the house and yes I still think it's relavant) about the 3-4 Zone Blitzing scheme. Dick Lebeau is a hell of a coach. I'm leaning towards putting Pittsburgh in the Super Bowl. My only concern is the o-line. But they seem to have a knack for protecting Ben on game winning drives.
San Fran -6 over St. Loo ($150)
I still don't know how Dallas lost to St. Louis. Like really. Even Shaun Hill can beat them.
Tampa Bay -3.5 over San Diego ($150)
The Stylez G. Whites get it done at home. They need it to get back on track. Whales vagina has a yeast infection.
Washington +6 over Philly
Philly plays great three weeks in a row and now they are favored by a TD on the road. Yeah sure. Skins ressurect themselves and play a good game. Win, lose or draw (it could happen) they most certainly cover.
Atlanta @ Minnesota over 43 ($250)
Over is 8-2 in MIN last 10 games in Week 16.
Over is 6-2 in MIN last 8 games overall.
Over is 9-4 in MIN last 13 games on turf.
Over is 11-5 in ATL last 16 vs. NFC.
I mean that's some damning evidence there. You got the gun, the smoke, the body, the ballistics, the DNA, you got it all.
Think Arizona has no shot in Masshole but don't like the line. Pats are one injury away from calling up Vinny Testerverde to play linebacker. The Denver line is big, even though Buffalo blows again. I'd like to buy into Houston but something goofy can happen in Oakland right? Speaking of goofiness in Oakland the Jets lost in Oakland in week 2. Who's to say they will win and cover in the final home game for Mike Holgrem? They are also o-fer this year travelling out west. Dwight Howard is a man. He's not 40 but he's a man. Colts are in, No 5. seed. Thursday night games are dumb. NFL Network should look into Sat night games. They are the better.
Roy went for 52.
I got a message from J.J. No way they blow 27 games next year. It's impossible.
Today we are having our Holiday party or as I like to call it, The Christmas party. I'm overseeing the sausage and peppers. I made a hot batch and a suite batch. Both can be used as US Currency. Just go to your local bank and deposit a bowl of S&P. One bowl is $10. Bet you didn't know that. The Bakery smelled so good this morning. I wanted to rape those pastries (and the girl at the counter who looks like she is 16 but has the body of a 24 year old sorority sister) . The bread I got was piping hot, i ate half a loaf in the car (now i know what fat people go through). Couldn't resist. It as if I was sitting on the lap of a big breasted women for an hour and she was topless and asking me to feel her boob. I had to. It was so tempting. Deck the Halls bitches.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
::Begin Seinfield voice:: What. Is the deal. With all of these NBA head coaches getting fired? ::End Seinfield voice::
Seriously tho, what's going on here? Yes, your team is off to a bad start, but do you really think that firing the coach 20 games into the season and having an assistant coach the team to five more wins is gonna help? And you still gotta pay the coach you fired. Might as well keep the coach 'til the rest of the year, make his life a living hell and pray that he quits. Like, let's say you trade for Darko and demand that he plays 35 minutes and night and that he be the focal point of the offense. No coach would be able to put up with that. I love it when these teams give these coaches 4 or 5 year deals because they NEVER make it past three years. Seriously, in 2010/2011, when Ray Allen's feet fall off of his ankles, and KG has noticeably slowed down but he still has the same intensity but now it just pissing everyone off when he gets in their faces, and Paul Pierce's vagina starts giving him trouble again but he still manages to put up 25 shots a game and they suck and miss the playoffs, Doc is going to be the fall guy. But he won't be remembered for that. The most asked question will be, "Whoa, how did Doc win a championship as coach? No, seriously bro, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Did like five teams die in one horrible airplane crash? Because, I mean, that's the only way to explain how that happen." ESPN will run a "Top Five Reasons Doc Won a Championship as a Coach" and none of them will involve Doc and his coaching prowess.
Wow. That last paragraph took a pretty wild turn. I don't even remember what it was supposed to be about. Oh yeah. Don't sign an NBA coach to a long-term deal, you're just setting yourself up to negotiate a buyout at some point.
Gerald Wallace has had a pretty bad week. His Grandmother died, so he took some days off for her funeral. He gets back to Charlotte and immediately has to get back on a plane when he found out that his father died. Man, that sucks.
I don't know why they would do this, unless Dantony is seriously trying to assemble the terrible half of the Suns roster from the 2003-2006 years, but ESPN has the following on their rumor page: "The contracts of Diaw and Bell match those of Eddy Curry and David Lee..." If I was Paul Shirley, I'd get my agent on the phone and ax him why Dantony hasn't called yet. "Yo man, I was a part of that magical 54-win 2004/2005 season. You NEED me!"
Speaking of the Knicks, I've been a little out of the loop, what's the latest with Marbury? Are they seriously going to pay him to stay at home? Jeebus. I really need one of these NBA contracts.
Speaking of crazy contracts, Jerry Porter was placed on IR. He had 11 catches this year. He earned a million dollars per catch. I really need to get one of these NFL contracts.
Speaking of the NFL, My Christmas Wish this year is for for a some kind of device that will block the Cowboys, Tony Romo and T.O. from appearing on my TV. Enough already, we get it! Shit is fucked up! Stop talking about it! Fuck!
More football news: the Chiefs GM resigned. Yeah, thanks for the great job; here's a gold watch, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Hey, remember that time you traded for Joe Montana and we still didn't make the Superbowl? Man, it must suck to live in Kansas City AND to have you football team suck at the same time. That's just rough. Because just living in KC would be enough for me to commit ritual suicide.
El P reported this yesterday, but the article he linked really didn't really do the story justice. Greg White is changing his name to Stylez G. White. He got the name from the movie Teen Wolf. Here's some quotage: "White said he picked his new name from a character in the 1985 movie 'Teen Wolf,' starring Michael J. Fox. 'That was his best friend’s name,’ White said. 'I always liked that name. It’s not that I don’t like Greg White.’ In the movie, Fox’s friend is named Rupert 'Stiles’ Stilinski. White changed the spelling and adopted the name as his own." Alls I have to say is; freakin' AWESOME!
This just in: Zorn admits he's totally in over his head and asks a reporter at the press conference for a valium. How you can start off on fire, look like world-beaters then have it all go into the crapper this fast is beyond me. With their start, they should have been able to coast into a playoff slot. I dunno man, it's pretty hard to be a Skins fan.
That's all I've got.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
First off some quick hitters:
Is it general "so's" chicken or general "sow's"?
If the Biggest Loser is such a reality hit, why don't they have the Biggest Gainer where they have anorexic chicks (or dudes I guess) gaining weight?
I saw the aftermath of a car wreck this morning that involved a garbage truck, a convertible and two cars that I could not identify.
Seed #8 - The eighth seed barely squeaked by. They had a good showing early on in Round 1 but faded away. They were nearly ousted by Kod, but Kod didn't close it out at the end. Anyway, coming in with 23.5 Round 1 TCS points is Tyler.
Seed #1 - Basically the juggernaut of this competition so far. This guy hits all the open walls and has a knack for the natty z and premie z. Early on he was nailing the older/newers, that part of his game faded away, but the walls and z's remained. Keith rolls into the #1 seed with 99 points.
#1 vs #8 Preview - Keith should run away with this one. He is an early 60 point favorite.
Seed #7 - The seventh seed goes to someone who is "new" to LOV, but that didn't stop him from piling up some early Round 1 points. Right now his health is in question though, so a strong round 2 performance is questionable. Andy M rolls in at #7 with 34 TCS points.
Seed #2 - A mind bottling slow start for the #2 seed kept him down early, but late in Round 1 he put up point totals that were equal to Keith's. Zeke claims the #2 seed with 61 TCS points and comes into Round 2 as one of the favorites to win it all.
#2 vs #7 Preview - This is the battle everyone had hoped for. Some call it the quitter's match, some call it the born again match. Zeke is a big favorite in this one at -25, but don't count out Andy M. He might have a trick or two up his sleeve.
Seed # 6 - 38 TCS points secured the 6 seed for this competitor out of Colorado. This competitor showed solid all around skills, but might be down a bit after having missed out on the 3 seed by only 8 points. Blue claims this spot.
Seed # 3 - Amazing linking skills landed this person at #3. 44 points, pretty much all from links, was all this guy needed. Bringing both quality and quantity to the links this person is the dark horse pick by many to win it all. Spiff claims this spot as a linking legend and will no doubt use those skills to rack up some more points.
#3 vs #6 Preview - The judge decided against awarding Spiff a free pass to round 3 based on the fact that the Michelle Pfeiffer links could have been Michael Pfeiffer. Spiff will have to earn his way into round 3, but will receive a +10 bonus to start the round. The Pfeiffer pics were solid efforting. Blue will have to overcome this deficit, it will be fun to watch to see if he can. Spiff is a 20 point favorite here (that takes into account his 10 bonus points).
Seed #5 - El Pad rolls into the 5 seed with 39 TCS points. El Pad is a New York style blogger who brings a good all around game to the playing field. From links to HDH he has a well rounded game.
Seed #4 - 40 TCS points gave Jug the 4 seed. Jug brings some NASA style to the TCS and nobody should ever count out NASA. If only "going here to see this" links were worth points Jug would be a favorite to win it all.
#4 vs #5 Preview - This one is a pick em folks. Nobody knows who is going to win. It is NYC vs NASA, the fight everyone has been hankering to see.
All Round 2 is on, it goes through Keith's post next monday then we take a break until after the hollidays for round 3.
Get to it!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Group id: 7099
Sign up now. There are only 5 people so far.
What a weekend. Two holiday parties, a retard winning the Heisman, and I made a bomb as. spaghetti and meatball dinner for my mom’s birthday. This place has the better recipes. (s) But seriously, Sam Bradford looks like the midget kid on Little People Big World. I also recruited 2 cronies for centsports at the party on Saturday night, so maybe I can make another $.01-$.02 per week. I’m going to try to get up to $10 in the next 30 days so I can cash out and take it to Vegas with me and live it up big pimpin’ style. I went 4-1-1 on my NFL bets this weekend. EP, if you want some betting advice for the upcoming week just let me know.
WWL headline: “Vikes QB Jackson burns Cards for 4 TDs”. Hilarity…so much for the Cardinals being for real.
Merry Christmas everyone. Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. Hmmm, I should probably be putting all these links in the comments. Oh well.
Zeke’s name for 1 day is going to be “You like my jersey?” and his pic will be this. I googled “Redskins suck” and that’s the pic that came up. (ns)
I don’t have any funny stories about pissing in ovens or anything this week. So I will end it right here. And today is the last day of the qualifying round of the TCS, so let’s get to it.
Friday, December 12, 2008
So get off the tit and pick your own fucking games. Use my past teachings. You will not fail.
Editors note: The tit is back.
Where I stand
Miami -6.5 over SF (100 sticks)
Dink and dunk. Shaun Hill makes some mistakes.
Titans -3 over Texans (300 jujubees)
Only 3 points? WFT.
Atl -3 over Tampa (150 eggrolls)
The shine was worn off the run D in Charlotte. Atl mighty good at home.
P.S. Giants getting 3, do what you want with that information.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Apparently the Mets traded for JJ Putz. I'm unsure, but I think they just signed a closer. Please someone confirm this. Thanks in advance.
CC, I wish for his sake he stayed in the NL. I just think it will end badly in NY. He clearly doesn't want to be there. Heck, I would have taken him with the Brew Crew just because it would have been such a good rivalry. But dude got his. Money money money.
I've spent the better part of the last half hour talking to someone who claims to be a 13-year-old from israel. Whoever it is clearly doesn't know english, but it may just be Steve. Apparently this is the myspace for israel.
I'm sad to see Kerry go. Dude was a Cub, through and through. Treat him right cleveland.
I wouldn't be shocked to see the Nats get Manny. Granted, it would be strange, but I can just see washington making a ridiculous offer and Boras running up and sayind, "SOLD!"
why derrick rose stabbed himself
I have videos, but tem said I don't get credit if they are in my post, so they will be "frist."
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Alright, so, FINALLY some movement in the MLB. I said this yesterday, but El P, I really don't think you understand what you're getting into with the Mets signing K-rod. When he's got a one run lead; he's lights out. Anything more than that and he likes to make it interesting. And when I say he likes to make things interesting, I'm saying he likes to load the bases and let some runs score before he shuts it down. Not good for El P's blood pressure. And what are they going to do with Wagner? I guess they're just going to pay him to recover from surgery and then decline his 2010 option. Unless they're going to pay him $8 mill to be their set-up guy. Speaking of the Mets set-up guy, they need one. And another starter or two.
Peavy-watch continues. I don't know what day we're on. Cubs ownership problem is the main issue right now. Oh, and Peavy has $63 million guaranteed over the next four years.
Whoever writes the teasers in the sidebar for ESPN needs to pimp-slapped. "Giants make pitch to CC". Ha! Get it? Cuz CC is a pitcher and the Giants are trying to sign him! It's funny! Please die.
Kid Bro Sweets unloaded on Zorn on the radio yesterday. He kind of used the A.I. "practice?" defense. Things don't seem to going too well for the Skins lately.
Cavs have been playing out of their minds lately. Nine straight wins by at least 12+, and their average win margin is 21.5, which is just insane. BUT, just like the Rockets streak last year, there have been a lot of home games and it's been against a lot of weak teams. Atlanta, the Knicks twice, the Thunder, Golden State, the Bucks, Indiana, Toronto. Basically, their toughest game in the streak was at Charlotte. It's still impressive, and their next six games are pretty nice too. Philly twice in a row, Atlanta, Minnesota, Denver, and the Thunder. However, 5 of those games are on the road. So, we'll see what happens.
Matt Jones, you are an idiot.
And that's it. I know y'all are just scrolling through this to get frist! anyway.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Kevin McHale took over as the Wolves coach. He hasn't coached "Since 2005" and he was 19-12 then. So it must be a good move...wait? what's that? The Wolves just suck. This won't help them at all. All it will do is make it easier for the owner to give McHale the boot.
Well let's talk about the Bucs/Panthers...or as my little cousin calls them the Pantlers....Anyway, I guess Monte must have spent too much time recruiting for TN and not enough time watching the running game of the Pantlers. Jeez-a-lou that was some bad defense. On the flip sign Antonio Bryant made one hell of a catch in the end zone. It was pretty.
Well I guess it is time to start the TCS. The following are the rules for the TCS.
1st Round is this post through Keith's post next Monday. It includes LOV AD and LOV WE.
The 1st Round will feature no head to head match ups it is Rotisserie or however that is spelled. The top 8 people advance to round 2.
Round 2 is from my next post through Keith's 12-22 post. If you are going on vacation tough. Round 2 will be seeds 1 vs 8, 2 vs 7, etc.
TCS takes a holiday break and resumes with Round 3 starting with my 1-6 post.
Round 4, the final round starts with my 1-13 post and goes through Keith's 1-19 post.
I will give periodic updates to the scoring.
During round 1 a person can get no more than 100 points on a single post.
In the event of a tie I will break the tie with a trivia question that hopefully can not be looked up on the intraweb.
Scoring is as such:
comments that make me laugh are worth 1 or 2 points, depending on the comedy level.
comments with funny HDH are worth 1 point.
comments with stupid HDH that appears forced are worth -2 points unless noted by an asterisk indicating you did it on purpose.
comments with links to nekkid celebs I have never seen before are worth 2 points
comments with links to nekkid people I don't want to look at are worth -2 points.
comments with links to nekkid normal people I have never seen before are worth 1 point.
comments that would resemble a good temrant are worth 2 points.
spamming comments is worth -5 points. i alone determine spamming.
natty Zs are worth 2 points.
premie Zs are worth 2 points.
properly timed walls are worth 2 points
bad walls are worth -2 points.
cumfastery on links is worth -2 points.
messing up then/than will not be punished, if that happened some people would have negative scores.
by the by, accepted lov vernacular, like suite, holier then now, etc will not be penalized.
properly hitting older, newer, sparta and rev is worth 2 points.
messing up older, newer, sparta and rev is worth -2 points.
comments that otherwise are impressive but not specifically noted above are worth 1 or 2 points. this is a catch all category because the above rules don't capture all the awesomeness that is spewed here.
remember during round 1 a person can get no more than 100 points on a single post.
OK, no movie review today because I am running late.
Oh and I am not eligible to win the TCS and the winner of the TCS will get a fabulous prize pack of things I find in my office.
LET THE TCS BEGIN.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Congrats to TP on his boys making it to the title game. And it’s almost in his hometown. I’m guessing he already has his game tickets. Just like I said for the SEC title game, I think FU wins going away. OU’s defense is not good. And Bob Stoops is involved. FU wins 45-17. And Tebow enters the draft and is never heard from again.
WWL headline: Sources: Browns have Schottenheimer on radar. That is some hilarity shit.
Don’t forget the Y! college bowl pick ‘em that was set up a few weeks ago. Group id is 7099 and the pathword is poon. Winner gets nothing but a sweet trophy added to their Y! fantasy profile.
Hancock was an alright movie. I wasn’t expecting much from it, but it kept my interest throughout. 3.5 out of 5 helmet stickers. In case you didn’t know, Dark Knight comes out on DVD on Tuesday. Go out and buy it. Do it!!
OK, funny story time. Went down to Tucson this weekend for the ASU/UofA game. Fsil(the hot one) turnt 21 this week, so we went down and went to a bar to watch the game and get wrecked. The fsil (the crazy one) tends to sometimes get out of control when she goes out. And by out of control, I mean fucking retarded and needs carried around. So Saturday night was no different. We leave the bar about 9:00 and catch a cab back to the house, where she passes out on the couch. After a couple hours, she gets up and walks into the kitchen area where the other fsil is standing. She walks over and unbuttons her pants and pulls them down to her knees while we’re all sitting there wondering wft she’s doing. She reaches over and grabs the oven door handle and opens the oven. Then she starts to squat down like she’s going to piss all over it and her sister runs over and grabs her and basically carries her into the bathroom. And she doesn’t remember 1 minute of it. I was hammered at that point after about 10 hours of drinking, but it was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. And I saw some bare ass. So there you go.
I’ve wasted enough of my time and your time with this. If you’ve lasted this long with the post, I’m sorry. If you didn’t read it, your a goddman retard.
Have at it!
Friday, December 05, 2008
Where I Stand:
You guys want me to pick the big games in college right? I will oblige.
Throw a Benji on each......
Ball State -14 over Buffaro
The kid continues to shine.
BC +1.5 over Va Tech
I can't believe this line. Must be a trap. I don't give a shit. Va Tech is terrible this year, BC is gutsy, have good linebackers and smart football players.
Bama +10 over Florida
Man 10 is alot, I know Bama ended up beating no one in the SEC but who's to say that Florida did? The SEC was down as a whole this entire year. The LSU win doesnt look so good on Alabama's resume and the Georgia win lost polish on Florda's resume. Florida is the one with the shitstain loss, not the tide. Percy Harvin possibly missing this game is big, not monumental the way Todd McGay thinks but big nontheless. Listen there is no doubt Florida is playing lights out ok but they haven't played a good team or at least a team that play's as well as Alabama. I love points in big games where the team getting rushes the ball and stops the run. I love it like I love hot suace on beef patties. Yeah, that much.
Mizzou +17 over Oklahoma
Neither team can stop each other so I have to bet with a 17-0 lead here. Bradford's hand is the x-factor. A fumbled snap maybe? I don't know but Macklin/Daniels is just as potent as Bradford/pick a WR. Take the over for $50 while your here. It's Seventy fucking Nine.
Big Boys........Zona -14 over St. Loo ($250)
This is like Boise on the blue turf vs a LA Tech or Idaho. Just not fair. I'll call this one, "Sodomy in the Secondary".
Jets -4 over San Fran ($150)
You know I never like to take the Jets but for some reason this is shaping up to be a nice rebound game for them. Ugly loss at home, get out of the fishbowl play in 70 degree weather against a bad team coming off a good win. Just makes sense to me. If this game were in the Meadowlands the Jets would be a 8-10 point favorite. Take the discount.
Pittsburgh -3 over Romo's ($150)
Pittsburgh's pass rush is filthy. And that's how you beat Romo.
Parlay for ya, 3 teams $25 to win $75
NYG -7 over Philly (Statement game)
Miami +1 over Toronto Bills (Damn shame)
Denver -9 over Chiefs (Revenge game)
Be calm kiss ya mom.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
baseball in civil war times
psuedo game about wind
universal decision maker
for anyone playing assassin's creed
kod's almost senator is a dick
the slackometer. put in your hourly wage and watch how much money you make while staring at the screen.
The Vikes willamses got an injunction to stop their suspension. We'll see how long that lasts. This whole thing is a mess. I keep waffling between sides. Players should know what they're taking, but if it's not listed as an ingredient, how are they supposed to know? The NFL's really in a no-win situation. If they uphold the suspensions they look like callous jerks who don't care about their employees. If the decisions are overturned, the NFL looks like pansies and anybody that gets caught after this will try to use this as a defense.
Crap, I wasn't going to write anything. I hope this doesn't bring me above D-.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
So, this Plaxico saga is getting pretty redonk if you ax me. I need to start a "life-coaching" company where for a pretty hefty fee, a pro athlete gets assigned his own personal coach to hang out with him and to tell him what to do when he's not on the field. Like, Plax would have been told to leave the gatt at home, or, better yet, not go out at all and just stay home and play Xbox instead. There would also be 24-hour hotline, so, like, when Matt Jones is contemplating buying a couple of keys of coke, he could call up the hotline and he would be told "No, don't do that. Go bang one of those Jaguars cheerleaders instead. And wear a jimmyhat". My service would save athletes and teams a lot of money. And it would be just based on a little common sense.
Back to Plax, can't we just stop fighting the inevitable and get the Raiders to trade three number one picks for him? You know that's what's going to eventually happen. Then when he sucks for the rest of the career, no one will really care, because, you know, he'll be playing for the Raiders. And the Giants will get three first round picks, so, it's a win-win. Goodell, make some phone-calls. P.S. - I HATE the fuckin' Raiders.
De La Hoya/Pacquiao is this weekend. Oscar says he hasn't been in this good of shape in a long, long, long, long time. Yeah, I'm not buying it either. I think Pac-man destroys him. I was watching the De La Hoya/Pacquiao 24/7 and Bernard Hopkins showed up to Oscar's camp. Then they started talking about how Oscar is in the same position B-Hop was in about a month ago; everyone was writing him off. I just don't see it. Hopkins defended a title for 10+ years. Oscar's just ok. And his last couple of fights have been garbage. Pac-man is going to ruin Oscar's modeling career.
I can't believe I'm going to talk about Hockey, but Sean Avery got suspended indefinitely for talking about his ex-girlfriends. His comments were called "crude" and Commissioner Gary Bettman said Avery made "inappropriate public comments, not pertaining to the game". This is why the WNBA is threatening to jump the NHL in popularity. They should be giving Avery his own reality TV show, instead, they're suspending him. Indefinitely. Nice job, NHL. Next thing you know, they're going to hire Norv Turner as a Special Assistant to the Commissioner.
T-Mac is out three weeks with a sore knee. Shocking news. If T-Mac, Yao and Ron-Ron play 45 games together, I would be impressed.
I tried to some College Basketball last night. It was godawful, like it always is. Seven minutes in, and it was 7-0. And this was Duke and Purdue the #4 and #10 ranked teams, respectively. Purdue missed two gimmes right under the hoop. Nobody plays defense. Everyone shoots an ill-advised three that clanks off the rim. Unwatchable. Sorry, but I really hate College Basketball.
Is SOMEONE gonna sign an MLB contract already? This is getting ridiculous.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
NFL News: Plax is screwed. 2 felony weapons charges aren't going to go away easily. It seems as though the cops want to make examples out of athletes and the such, so they are going to. Plax will do some time. Which is pretty stupid, but then again he is stupid. It isn't hard to register a weapon and get a conceal/carry permit....well it isn't hard in Ohio. Maybe it is hard in the NYC, but I can't imagine it is too hard. Anyway, Plax is gonna get some time for stupidity. Maybe the other players will learn to register their weapons and to hire body guards.
NHL News: San Jose has the most points, so they are the best, apparently. Lots of other teams have lots of points too, but not as much as San Jose. Go Sharks...or whatever.
MLB News: Apparently no free agent wants to sign anything yet. No news on this front. I am going to try to pool together some cash so the Pirates can make a run at Sabathia. I am up to about $7.59, I think that plus the allure of Pittsburgh plus the fact that CC can bat cleanup if he wants might seal the deal.
NBA News: Can't say I've kept up on this, but it really looks like a 3 horse race between Boston, Cleveland and the Lakers....sorry Portland. Fourth place in a horse race isn't worth squat.
temrant 1: Listen up people with SUVs. If you are going into a parking garage and you see an open spot, but there is a sign that says "COMPACT CARS ONLY" this means that you and your SUV need to park elsewhere. I can't even count the number of times I have seen some old lady pull her SUV into one of those compact car spaces and then not be able to open her door. I swear the car dealerships should force buyers to watch a movie about owning an SUV. Also it is pure hilarity when they pull their SUV into these spaces crooked. They end up being in 3 spaces at once, even though there are cars in the other 2 already. Sometimes I am not even sure how the other cars get out of their spot without hitting the SUV.
News From Mort*: Sources have confirmed to Chris Mortensen that the Browns are looking into bringing Jeff George back into the fold. They aren't comfortable with Ken Dorsey at QB and Romeo Crennell is a big George fan. Romeo needs to win now and he thinks his best chance is with Jeff George in control of the offense. Browns GM Phil Savage would rather see Trent Dilfer come back into the fold because of his Super Bowl pedigree and the fact that Dilfer has played for the Browns before. It will be interesting to see how this one pans out, a clear power struggle between two men who might be losing their jobs in the next 4 weeks.
temrant 2: Seriously, football announcers need to think before they speak sometimes. I was watching some game and the announcer said "the defense needs to swallow the surge here." Ummm, what? I know what he was talking about, but really swallowing the surge is something I'd expect (insert favorite porn star name here) to be doing. There was another one too that an announcer said, but I didn't have my notepad with me so I didn't write it down....Also I had no pen.
tem movie review*:
The Day the Earth Stood Still
The title of this movie is fairly misleading. If the earth stood still then gravity would get all screwed up and we would all fly out into space. That would be a shitty movie. This is not what happens. Although it would be pretty interesting for those folks up on the space station to see everyone fly into space and then die. I'm not sure how I would react to that but I can't imagine it would be good. The reaction would be worse if there were no female astronauts on board. This is precisely why NASA should have a rule about requiring at least one chick astronaut for all missions. If something goes wrong the dude astronauts need some tail.
Anywho, back to the review, this movie is really about a hyper active kid named Earth. He is pretty much like Cleveland Jr. on Family Guy, but not black. In fact he is some sort of Asian. Anyway, in this movie some Asian kid plays a hyper active kid who will never stop moving. His mom, played by Joan Cusak, can't seem to get him to stop. His dad, oddly enough played by John Cusak, can't either. (Side note: really it is about time those Cusak's just up and played a married couple. They play all sorts of other crap in movies and they clearly want to break some sort of gross boundary here as actors, so they should just get on with it. The Cusak's are gross.) So this kid runs around and runs around and they take him to all sorts of doctors and put him on drugs and stuff and nothing works. Then the kid gets in trouble and has to join the Army. Sucks for him, but the joke is on the Army because it sucks for them worse.
So the kid gets put into some special secret program in the Army and they get him to stood still. This is nothing short of miracle and after he stands still he becomes a super killing machine and kills all the terrorists in the world. World peace is achieved.
This sounds nice until you remember that this Asian kid is the offspring of John and Joan Cusak. Clearly the Cusak's are trying to send a message here about the viability of Cusak inbreeding. You'd think as a West Virginian (WaVaian for Keith) I'd be pro inbreeding, but nope, not really.
So, stop preaching to us Cusak's siblings, your movie is no good.
1 helmet sticker out of 5. Would be 0, but there were some kick ass ninja type scenes with the Asian kid.
* - Completely Made Up
Monday, December 01, 2008
Big game in the Georgia Dome this weekend. Here’s our chance to see Alabamer against a solid team for the first time since September. Bama’s offense is not good, but the D is solid. FU’s offense is muy bueno and their D is also solid. I think FU rolls in this game. Something like 45-10. (ns) And then Tebow has sexy time with every female in the greater Atlanta metro area.
While we’re on the subject, Beth must have been a ramblin’ wreck this weekend. Nice third quarter, UGH. Tech throws 6 passes all day and they put up 45 points. The triple option offense is awesome to watch, because for some reason teams can’t stop it.
I really wish USC had shown up against the Beavers in September because a USC/FU title game would have given me a rev-sized chub. Hands down, those are the two most talented teams in the country. SC should have no problem with Penn State in January. And yeah, I know SC still has to play UCLA, but I saw UCLA in person this weekend and they are a bad, bad team. To only give up 6 points on defense and still lose by 25 takes a lot of sucktitude.
Freak – Your name this week is “Notre Dame is the worse” and your pic is this.
Zeke – Your name this week is “If UM only had a QB” and your pic is this. And offer me up a trade for THE CAPTAIN. If you have a hot turd on your team, I’ll take him. Barbosa sucks.
I know this post sucks, but I just finished watching that Zohan movie, and I lost about 10 trillion brain cells during that 2 hours stretch. Worse.Movie.Evar.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Moving on I woke up with what I'm calling a "Hines Ward" Cold. Because it came out of nowhere and smacked me silly. Jeaz-a-loo I need a bed right now. With that said you'll be getting just picks. I will not drop any knowledge on you. Deal with it. It's already 9:05 for crissakes.
Where I Stand:
Cash : $1483
Straight Bets ($50)
Pittsburgh +2.5 over WVU
ECU -6 over Texas El Paso
Kansas/Mizzou over 69
Florida State +16.5 over Florida
Southern Cal -32 over Notre Dame
Green Bay -3 over Carolina ($100)
Green bay mad. Carolina mad too. Green bay home.
St.Louis +10 over Miami ($100)
Dolphins have not covered a spread since Bill Parcells was a C cup.
New Orleans +4 over Tampa ($250)
Just think Saints push for a playoff spot. Started Monday night.
Colts -4.5 over Browns ($300)
Easy as the pie that went down yesterday. This bet decreases to ($100) with any chance of bad weather.
Oh and Oregon does win. Some reason or another Jehovah likes the Buckeyes. Zeke/Spiff, 2 day name change bet for Wash/Giant game? Wash is plus 3 at home.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Have some turkey!
Have some mashed potatoes!
Have some stuffing!
Have some pie!
Have more pie!
Let's see if I can get a little cheesy. I'm thankful we live in this totally awesome place called America. From the as.es to the liars to the snobs to the kods. And to think we get to dick around on the internet most of the day, too. Not half bad.
I think I'd be letting everyone down if I didn't provide some sort of video. So, check out jug's guide to falling from space.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
So, the football games tomorrow. Can the match-ups get any worse? Seriously, they need some kind of flex schedule for these Turkey day games. Even if they just swapped opponents this year I'd be happy. Like Detroit and Seattle should play the early game and then we get Dallas and Tennessee. So you'd get a sloppy first game that could be high scoring because both defenses are terrible, and then you get a pretty decent second game. Who's with me on this?
Speaking of the Lions, some dude was on the local rock station this morning and he said he's trying to bring a football team to Los Angeles. Blah, blah, blah, heard it before. This dude, however, wants to bring the Lions to L.A., to which my response was, "Oh Lord, Please God, NO". I want a football team, just not THAT football team. Unless Barry Sanders is coming back. Is Barry Sanders coming back? No? He's not coming back? Ok, I'm going to go back to my previous stance about the Lions coming to L.A.; please God, nooooooooooooooo!
So this McNabb business; it's just crazy. The dude has no one to throw to, Andy Reid calls passing plays on 95% of their downs, and their all-purpose running back is hobbling around on one leg. Oh, and they were also playing against one of the best defenses in the NFL. So, when you throw on virtually every down, and you have a JV receiving corps (or core; I didn't want to go an entire post without a HDH sighting), really, what the hell is the guy supposed to do? A good defense like the Ravens is going to do just what they did; pick you apart. And they almost murdered Kevin
Damn, it seems I have been defending Philly in almost every post lately, which really pisses me off.
Anyways, if I were the Lions or the Raiders, or better yet, the 49ers GM, I'd say to my owner, "You know what, we're just going to screw up our first round pick anyway, let's see if we can trade it to Philly for McNabb". I could really see him fitting in on the 9ers squad. Their receivers are about as good as the Eagles, they have a beast at Tight-End (who still needs to prove himself, but I think with McNabb he would finally reach his potential) and they have a Westbrook-type back in Gore. Singletary wants to commit to the run, so you don't have an Andy Reid who completely forgets about running the ball during a game. You also have Mike Martz, who some claim is a genius, so he should be able to draw up some plays for McNabb. Screw it, I just read this on ESPN's homepage; Chris Mortensen is reporting that the San Francisco 49ers have offered a first and third round draft pick for Donovan McNabb*. Done and done.
Speaking of rumors, El P, get ready. The hot rumor right now is Lebron to the Knicks. And people are already saying that it's a done deal, even though there's still almost 2 years of basketball to be played. The only holdup is that Lebron wants the team named after himself**.
The strange thing is, I really don't know why the Knicks are holding up this Zebo trade, apparently they're worried about Mobley's heart. He ain't gonna be playing for you in less than two years, and this deal frees up a ton of cap space. Clear the guy and play him 15 minutes a game. You've already got Eddie Curry on your team, who you're actively trying to kill by having him run in Dantony's offense, what are you waiting for? Get the deal done already. ::EDITOR'S NOTE:: This was discussed yesterday and the trade was finalized in the afternoon.
Anyways, back to the Lebron rumor. He's not the only guy rumored to be headed to the NYC. The Knicks are on the hook for $18 mill in 2010/2011, and $0 for 2011-2013. So, basically, they can sign Lebron to a max contract AND STILL be in the running for the other top free agents in a loaded off season (That sound you heard was El P busting a nut in his pants at his computer). Like, let's say Chris Bosh, which there are rumors flying around that that is a done deal too. If they don't get Chris Bosh, there's also Carlos Boozer (he has a player option at the end of this year, so he could be off the market by then, but they could sign him in this coming off season). Dwyane Wade could also opt out of his contract.
There's also plenty of second tier players to fill out the rest of your starters. Like Joe Johnson. Tracy McGrady. Richard Jefferson and Micheal Redd. STEVE NASH (Lately, Dantony has been having dreams every night involving himself in Candy Land, holding hands with Nash and Lebron while they skip alone on a basketball court made of gumdrops***). I'm not saying they're going to get all of those guys, but they'll have a shot at whoever they want to go after. And yeah, Nash is gonna be old by the time he's a free agent, but if they can sign him to a reasonable contract and play him in a time-share with another point guard, that wouldn't be all bad.
There are also plenty of other unrestricted free agents, like Marcus Camby and Brad Miller and Kenyon Martin that they can sign to fill out their bench. The possibilities are endless. And the two contracts that they are committed to for 2010 (Eddie Curry at $11 mill, and Jared Jeffries at almost $7 mill) are both expiring contracts, so, at some point in the season, they could make a trade to some team that just wants to clear cap space. They could have an entirely brand-new team inside of two years. Like a 100%, totally new roster. It's crazy.
And remember, this is an owner that spent $141 million a couple of years ago and is spending pretty close to $100 million this year, so you're looking at a possible $80-100 million to play with in 2010; with Lebron as the figurehead. AND, if you can land him, every single man, woman and child in NYC is going to go out and buy a brand new #23 Lebrons James New York
*Ok, I made that up. Mort really didn't report that.
**Ok, I made that up too. But it would be funny to see everyone in NYC have to throw out their old Knicks gear then go out and buy new "New York Lebrons" stuff. The guys that walk around the streets of NYC in their Knicks hat, Knicks baseball jersey, Knicks jeans, with their Knicks cellphone and Knicks tattoos would be pissed****. I can only hope that El P is not "one of those people".
***This may or may not be true. Only Dantony really knows, and he's not telling anyone. But, there is another rumor that he is going to insist that Lebron and Nash and whoever else they sign be contractually obligated to grow, groom and maintain a mustache during the season. Everyone in NYC will be growing "Playoff 'staches" in May/June.
****I did not make that up. Last time I was there, in one day I saw like seven guys rockin' that look. And it is super tacky. I really hope El P's closet doesn't look someone ate a Knicks t-shirt and then threw up on his clothes, because that's what those guys look like. It's a disease.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
It's funny, during the week I think of all these great things I want to write about and then I write about nothing. I just forget about the things I wanted to write about. I should get a notepad or something to write things down on. I wonder if people would ask me what the notepad was for. I'd totally have to make something up because I couldn't say "this blog I spend my workday on." Ah screw it, I'll start writing my thoughts down. Sometimes they are good thoughts.
In gambling news, Freak has laid down like 60 bets in 3 days. Wow. I bet on 2 soccer games today, I hope I win.
Screw it, I know people only want one thing from me so here it is, of course I put something else in front of it first:
Mortensen Report* -
After their embarrassing loss to the Saints expect major changes from the Packers this weekend. These changes could include benching Aaron Rodgers in favor of Matt Flynn. Word out of Packers camp is that they know what they have in Rodgers and it might be time to see what they have in Flynn. As you recall Flynn is the man who beat out the higher drafted Brian Brohm for the 2nd string job.
Movie Review* -
This movie is about Australia, seriously, the title is not misleading in any way. Go figure. Anyway, so of course this movie is animated and is basically a rip off of those Madagascar movies. In this movie Chris Rock plays a Kangaroo who is totally into hip hop and is a stoner. George Carlin, before he died, did the voice for a grumpy crocodile who keeps getting called an alligator and is therefore grumpy. He might win a posthumous (or however that is spelled) Oscar. I think he will. Queen Latifah is in every animated movie now because she is too fat to fit on the big screen in person. She plays an out of place Koala who is mildly retarded. He thinks he was born with SIDS, a stance that really upsets the crocodile. Anyway, Paul Hogan is in the movie too as well as all the other Australian stars, except ones that could get better work.
So the plot is that these goofy animals need to save Christmas in Australia. As usual in animated comedies fart jokes are plentiful and much animated hilarity ensues. Try to cover the kids' eyes for the crocodile death scene though, it makes Bambi's mom's death look like a cake walk. Anyway I won't spoil the made up conclusion for you, but it was fantabulous.
3.5 helmet stickers out of 5.
*100% made up, maybe. I don't know, maybe they are real. I just made them up but sometimes I make things up that are real.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Norv Turner. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Bowl projections have tOSU playing in the Capital One Bowl against UGH. Please God no. I don’t really want both of my teams losing to the Beths in the span of 4 months. Maybe a BCS bowl will pick tOSU so this nightmare can be averted.
Donovan McNabb. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Pacman is getting his last chance apparently. If he makes it rain 1 more time, he’ll be watching fooyball games the same way I do…but probably with more whores and coke lying around. But just barely.
Notre Dame fooyball. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Jesus Chris there was a lot of high scoring games in the NATIONAL FOOYBALL LEAGUE this weekend. The average score was 34-18. That’s a lot. Global warming is causing havoc everywhere.
Some dude has to win 1 more game on that WWL streak for the cash game to win 1 meel-yun dollars. Good luck to you sir…NOONAN!!!!
Softball update. I don’t know how we did. I went to a pre-Thanksgiving dinner w/ fmk’s family so I missed the games tonight. But at least I got a little buzzed. And I had a rev-sized portion of dinner and pie. I ate 4 hours ago and I still feel like I should vomit to make myself feel better. Good times all around.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Yanks tell CC to shit or get off the pot. Like father like son.
Stillirs D dominated. Now I have to sweat out the Broncos. 27 peeps had Pitt.
Hillary to be Sec of State, Enjoy the Change!
Mussina is not a hall of famer. Jus sayin.
Bears have taken over Wall Street.
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz had a boy. Named, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. ::blank stare::
Enjoy your Friday,
Love Brenda xoxoxoxo
Where I stand:
Oklahoma -7 over Texas Tech (Straight Bet $100)
It's 12:01am. The Carriage turns into a pumpkin.
Michigan +21 over Osu (Staight Bet : $50)
I don't give a shit. Win and all is forgotten. Your gonna get a fairshake Rich Rod, but not if you don't beat OSU at least once in your tenure, however long that is. Why not try now. It would really get those alums off your back. Inspire coach. Inspire.
Bears -9.5 over Rams (Straight Bet : $150)
Yesterday I said, "st louis rams beat Dal and Wash but lose to everyone else by an average of 25 points". This trend continues. Side note, Lovie Smith's real name is Lovie Smith ::blank stare::.
New England pick em' over Fins (Straight Bet : $100)
Dolphins have had two close calls against Seattle and Raiders. Both teams could have beaten the Dolphins if they weren't so inept. Chad Pennington is the only dolphin that is not making mistakes. New England has to win this game and they usually do, especially after getting ran out of thier own building earlier this fall.
Atlanta -1 over Carolina (Straight Bet : $50)
Ryan's revenge. He looked like a rookie against Carolina in week 2 or 3. Things have changed. They will Kill Bill.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The MLBPA is supposedly pressuring Carsten Charles to take the Yankee deal so salaries this offseason can be set higher. Pretty sure that's his decision you money grubbing whores.
And now for your Ball State Fighting Football Cardinals Fighting Football Cardinals postgame report. Your Fighting Football Cardinals defeated the Chippewas of Central Michigan 31-24 to remain undefeated at 11-0. They played in the snow! Something about Paul.
The Cubs are reportedly looking to trade for Mark Teahan or David Dejesus. Because when your biggest woe is horrendous playoff experience, you look to Royals outfielders to change that.
Pacman Jones has the highest ratio of talk about him to plays made of anyone in the history of sport. Jug, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get Pacman in trouble of your choosing, so we can all be rid of him from our lifes.
Some games for boredom.
Greg Oden is a large man. I've held in my hands a couple of his game jerseys. I'm fairly confident you could fit two Revs in there. And kod could totally wear Oden's shorts as a shirt. Why do I tell you this? Well, I feel my random knowledge should not go to waste, and some guy I'm about to link talks about Oden.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Dustin Pedroia becomes the first dwarf to win an MVP award. I don't know what's up with this MVP voting. Pedroia wasn't even the best player on his own team and he wins the award. I think Youkilis should have won it. And the NL MVP should have gone to either Ryan Howard or Manny. As a Dodgers fan, it pains me to say that Ryan Howard got robbed. But he does have a Championship Ring, so he's got that going for him. I'm sorry, if you don't make the playoffs, you better put up some overwhelming numbers to get an MVP, and Pooholes didn't do that in my opinion. Stupid writers.
Pacman completed rehab, now he's waiting for Goodell to reinstate him so he can screw up again. The over/under is set at eight weeks. Seriously, Pro Athletes get WAY too many chances.
The Cubs signed Dempster to a four-year, $52 million contract. Ha, the Cubs fell for the classic contract year pitcher. Freak, cherish the next couple of years where he goes 5-10 before the inevitable injury/buyout happens. Nicely done, Cubs management, you saved me from having go buy a new laptop after I destroyed my current one from reading a "Dodgers sign Dempster to a six-year $87 million contract" headline on ESPN's front page.
More baseball news, the Mariners are hiring some bench coach guy from the A's as their manager. Awesome, I guess you can't get much worse than losing 101 games. Hire a dude off the street and you would still probably stumble into 62 wins.
RichRod (I almost typed RichRob) tells UM fans to get a life. Well, he ALMOST told them that. I think the exact quote was, "You almost want to tell them, 'Get a life'." Way to encourage the alumni to donate in a recession there, guy. The Michigan PR dood needs to sit RichRob down for a 19-hour session of "stuff not to say into a microphone or to anyone with a notepad".
Jerry Stackhouse is apparently trying to force a trade. He wants more minutes. Unfortunately for the Stack, everyone has figured out that he's about six years past his prime. If I was Cuban, I'd charter a flight Charlotte, find out what country club Jordan was at, start a round of golf at $10k a hole, then start playing like crap. Get him hammered at the clubhouse at the halfway mark and tip the bartender to serve you water instead of vodka. On the 18th hole, bet him that if you make a 10 foot put, he'll trade you Raymon Felton, Sean May and a second round pick for Stackhouse. Then run like hell when Oakley figures out that you were sober the entire time. I don't care how old he is, you do not want to be catching an elbow from him.
And that's pretty much all I've got.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
How often is Tem not at work? Jeezaloo.
Rian Lindell is no Phil Dawson
As stated in LoVAD, this season's monday nighters have been great.
Wanda Sykes came out of the closet. Who knew?
I don't get the people that are sitting in their cars waiting for us to open every morning. Just go to work. Your business here can't be that important, can it?
Lunch is free today. What ever shall we dine on this noon?
I was going to make a hackneyed attempt at a tem movie review, but that's waaay out of my league.
AM 1250 has me convinced that the Breers are already going to be awful next year. So much for hope and springing and whatnot.
Are waiting for Beth?
I think I'm going to see the new Batman movie on Thursday. I heard its pretty good, and the Joker dies in it, so its got that going for it.
Okay. Time to wait for Tits.
Monday, November 17, 2008
So I didn’t see the Lesnar/Couture fight over the weekend, but my buddy watched it and said it seemed like it was fixed. He said it appeared similar to Elite-X when they were trying to get Kimbo out there give him every chance to be their meal ticket. He said he thought the ref stepped in too quick to call it. Of course, he was drunk, but still... I know UFC has a bunch of stars, but they have noone in the heavyweight division who people are going to pay to see, so I could see them pimping up Brock to bring some name recognition to that division. Like I said, I didn’t see the fight, but it’s an interesting thought. I’d like to hear tem's take on this.
Enjoyed seeing tOSU get revenge on Illinois yesterday. Really enjoyed seeing this run by Beanie Wells. If he comes back for his senior year (AHIIK), with him and Pryor, they would have the chance to lose to Alabamer in the title game.
And IDGAF how bad Michigan is this year. This is the game for tOSU. Lose this game and the season is worthless. Win it, and you keep the streak going and a second set of seniors goes out with 4 wins over UM. I’m just glad that Pryor is on the OSU side and not the Michigan side.
Good thing rev is in the land of curry right now. We might have lost our old friend if he had witnessed that Eagles/Bangles game. How do the Iggles not win a game like that. Their talent >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> than Cincy’s talent. I guess it really might be time for the Mormon coach to go, huh.
In other Pennsylvania news, the Steelers beat the Chargers 11-10. I only mention this because apparently it is the first time in the history of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAUGUE that a game has ended 11-10. Knowing is knowledge.
This is ridiculous. Tennessee doing a little temperature check to see if Gruden or Lovie Smith would want to come coach. Um, these are two fairly successful NFL coaches, making loot. Why would they want to drop that and go to a college program that is clearly on the decline...in the SEC no less. I know they both had small ties to the program years ago, but come on, Tennessee. Be realistic about it.
Softball update…we split the double header and I went 5 for 7. I was Ichiro tonight. All my hits were to the right side. First game was awful. I hit leadoff and I only batted 3 times. Half the lineup only batted twice. Turrrrible.
Shuffle up & deal!
Friday, November 14, 2008
First off I need to know if T sent Clifford some roses. Keeping the baseball theme for a minute Free Agency officially begins today and it should be a slobberknocker. Expect the millions to be flying around. Funny thing bout that, economy is in the tank and beisbol players are getting paid more than ever. Expect 180MM for Carsten Charles. Manny thing will be interesting. Boras is so good at what he does it makes him a tremendous asshole. If he wrote a book I betcha it'd be a NY Times best seller week one. So lot's of baseball news going on today, let's beware, keep our eye on the prize and close some ass.
Games be good you.
I may be shammy'ing this a bit but that might be the 2nd or 3rd biggest win in Jet History. I mean to be up 24-6, they come back after you forget to come out of the locker room for the 3rd quarter, then to sustain that back breaking drive only to have Cassel come back to tie it, then win on the first possesion in OT...that was a damn good win and a helluva football game. Mayo is some linebacker. And it was nice to see Bruschi on the sideline for some defensive snaps. Your old and tired. Please die. Vrabel haolding call, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck aitch.
Where I Stand:
Cash : $1157.50
OK State -17 over Colorado (Straight Bet $50)
I'm a man! I'm 40. Been dying to work that into a post. Feels good.
Jax +3 over Titans (Striaght Bet $150)
3rd time is a charm. I've said for two weeks now that the Titans will go down. And two weeks in a row they've found a way to win. The Green Bay game was closer but this week they play road favorites again. In Jacksonville, it seems like Jack Del Rio has had enough of everyone's shit and is really pissed off. He looks like a guy who, if he throws some shit around the office, it looks quite frightening. And mind you this a rarity for me, the ATS numbers involved in this match-up are heavily slanted towards Tennessee.
Bengals +9 over Philly (Straight Bet $150)
Big number for the Iggles who tend to play down to thier competition (cept week one). Bengals have improved, have been in a number of close games and almost beat the defending champs in thier own house. I know Palmer is out but Fitzpatrick is not Brad Johnson terrible so they got that going for them.
San Diego +5.5 over Pittsburgh (Straight Bet : Shits and Giggles, $25)
It's obvious SD won't be threatened or pushed to win that division. Unless the Broncos can wake up and play defense. That aside I feel like everytime I watch this team or highlights that they "Moss" it a couple of plays against the likes of Kansas City or Oakland. In this business we say all the time "they play down to thier competition", hell I even said that in an earlier nugget and the flip side of that is "they get up for big games". This is a huge game for San Diego. I believe it will be the 4:15 game nationally on CBS. Pittsburgh is banged up pretty bad, the Injury list they just put out is longer than Rev's saturday afternoon King Kullen run and SD have heard all year thus far what a "failure" they been so far. As if the season is only 9 weeks old. This is a show me game. SD shows up.
St Loo/San Fran over 44. Going against the trends again. No idea why. Just a hunch.
This, this is for Matilda.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Suns and Rockets got into a fight. Nope, Ron Artest wasn't involved. Shaq, Barnes, Alston, McGrady and maybe Nash will probably recieve suspensions. McGrady set a pick on Nash and Nash started rubbing his shoulder and being canadian, so on the next Rockets possession when Alston tried to screen Barnes, Barnes gave Alston a forearm to the chest to move him out of the way. Alston was not appreciative, and shoved Barnes back. Nash ran out to confrot Alston and for his troubles was pushed down by McGrady. At this point, everyone's standing in a clump and Shaq runs up and proceeds to push McGrady and Yao over and then shoved Alston 8 feet across the floor. Fun. I'm thinking like 3 games a piece.
Dwight Howard had a triple-double. With blocks.
I know most of you aren't NASCAR fans, but for those that are I thought this was a great piece on how to improve things.
If you are bored today, send an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org and tell them they are all a bunch of douchebags.
This ESPN streak thing is difficult. I can't even get past 4 correct picks in a row. And I'm below .500, 39-41 to be exact. I'm beginning to think I'm unlikely to win the top prize.
Puns are bad in commercials. "Say yellow to the future." Really yellowbook, that's the best you could come up with? Bad pun = bad product.
Fun browser game where you are a college basketball coach trying to improve your progam. Not the most interactive, but an interesting sim nonetheless.
Some crazy ho tried to give me an 80 cent refund on shipping for an ebay item. When she did that, paypal withheld the rest of her money. So she refunded the rest of it to me. Now instead of playing a nice, new xbox game, I get to sit here confused. Why would you refund 80 cents? This goes hand in hand with some amazon seller that sent me a check for 2.60$ for a shipping refund. Strange people.
this is a heck of a punt return:
one of the greatest cinematic chase sequences