Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I like the cut of your jib

Patience is a virtue. A shitty one, but it still is one.

Happy Satan's Day. Happy post-Devil's Night Day. Happy pre-All Saints Day (<---lamest attempt at a holiday evar).


Kobe wants traded.


Sports marketers like bush. They don't, however, like Bush.

Girardi in, Little out, Torre in.

WWL quote sayeth: "You'll see a dropoff from Nash this year. He's getting up in age and his back is a big concern. - josephrodrigue5163 "

Plasticine and pipe bombs.

I will go on record as saying that the Patriots and Colts will be the best teams in foosball by mid-year.



BC is totally not numero dos.

I'd like to keep it to one shitty ass quote, but a second visit delivered this nugget of chocolate and carmelly goodness:

"This [Dodgers] team is somewhat similar to the Yankees of the mid-late '90s.

I have nothing else to add to that. I think it speaks for itself.

The Lady Vols are good and I love them so much. Long time.

Lady was wearing a witch hat as her costume today (only her and Cougher "dressed up"). Bossman says "is that a Hilary Clinton costume".. some chuckles from the old folks.. then she proceeds to get semi-serious and say that we should all really take a look at the deeper principles from each candidate and not just listen to what the media continually tells us.

It's Halloween. Take a fucking pill. Or candy. Or a candy pill. Maybe pop rocks and soda.

Also, dude is dressed as 'Jackson Pollack' today. This means he's wearing a paint-splattered suit coat (cause his shtick was splattered paintings). He has to explain his costume to everyone. Lady and gentlemen.. characteristics of a bad costume are as follows: People have to constantly ask. When you tell them, they stare at you. You have to explain it by bringing out reference pictures and explaining how "heady" your costume is.

My head asplode. I wish it was his.

Throw eggs today. Maybe we should be down with OCP (yeah you know me).

Worship the devil.


(Uh oh, he's going around begging for compliments now. Add that to the list of bad characteristics. For shame.)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Jug's NBA Preview

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly give you Jug's NBA Season Preview, presented by our boys Deke (Eastern Conf. with seeding help from Keef) and Tyler (Western Conf.).

Eastern Conference

Okay, here goes…Keith’s Playoff Picks in ( * )


1) I hate to say it, but Boston will win the division. KG, Shuttlesworth, and PP are just too much for just about any one. Even if 2 of the 3 have bad nights, the other can pick up the slack. I endured a poor-man’s version of this in 00-01 with Ray, Big Dog, and Sam. You just figured they’d win. Anywho, Boston is in my top 2 despite having Doc Rivers as their coach. (3)

2) Number two in the Atlantic shall be the New Jersey Nets this is pretty much their last go ‘round on their current horses, and if they did in fact clear that room for Kobe, watch out. Okay, I’m a little sloppy right now. I got way into that last sentence. Where am I? Yes, the Nets. Same team as last year. I thought they’d be good. They weren’t. So, I’m giving them a last shot here. (7)

3) I gotta put the Runnin’ Raptors in the three-hole. I was super luke-warm on this team last year, but they showed me. They just seem way too soft to make any real noise in the playoffs. A bunch of foreigners, Bosh, and the porcelain doll TJ Ford. Really, he’s one drive to the can away from death. I, like many others, have no clue what kind of system they run there. Who gives a shit. Raptors #3.

4) Here I’ll put everybody’s favorite team, the New York Knickerbockers . Again, I have little to no information about the Knicks. Will Eddy Curry & Zach Randolph be able to play nice? Is Zeke completely insane? Will he get fired? Why do New Yorkers hold Seph Marbury in such high REVerance? Still, I don’t like the Knicks.

5) Last place brings us to “That Team You Only Notice Because Of Fantasy Implications”. The 6 & 76ers. That’s pretty dog-shit team ya got there, Rev. Iguodala, Dalembert, Andre Miller. And Korver if you’re desperate for threes. Yeesh.


1) I gotta stick with Deetroit in the 1 hole. Nothing has told me not to. Chauncey’s getting older, Hashweed is up there, too. They’re bitter with the coach too, right? Maybe I’m wrong. Either way, I think Detroit wins the Central. (2)

2) The Bulls are the play here, In my mind. Bronnie had a nice run last year, but I think Chicago has the best cast in the Central. Deng is a certified stud, Nocioni plays that same game. Gordon is pretty fuckin’ good, too, even though the always shop him. I’m getting pretty inebriated now. Thoughts are thin.(5)

3) Mmmmmm…Garlic cheese bread. Oh, the Cavaliers go here. LeBron has a nice bit of a team here, I guess. Big Z as the lumbering C, Drew Gooden’s haircut as the banger, Andy Verejao as the energy guy, Law Hughes as the 2nd banana, & Danny Gibson as the emerging point. Not much to wade through in the East, possible Conference Champs. (1)

4) I’ve got to say…What a rivalry I have with Freak. Seriously. Brewers vs Cubs, Pats vs Colts, and now Bucks/Pacers. Really, I’m just putting the Bucks here for homerism’s sake. Even though they have a good assembly of talent, they probably won’t do shit.

5) Pacers. I don’t really thing they’re that bad. They have plenty talent, maybe they just need the coaching, like the Bucks. Murph Dirt, JO, Tinsley, and yes, Dunleavy. He’s actually pretty good. I like the core.


1) Man, the Southeast is wide open. I’m gonna take Gil and the Wiz. They just seem like the right pick here. Orlando doesn’t seem to have continuity & Miami is minus Wade for a while (And Shaq sucks). I’m looking for 30 out of Gil, 18 for Butler and…well, I lost my train of thought. Good enough. (4)

2) I’m putting Orlando here. I really think they can get it going this year with Howard, Lewis, Nelson & Turkoglu. There’s really no rhyme or reason to this, just a gut feeling. Hmm. Another team I didn’t like last year, but think will be decent this year. Cutler makes a pretty good play-fake. Penalties are killing the Pack. It should be 21-7. Orlando. (6)

3) And here goes the slipper of the year. Gimpy superstar, fat Shaq, nobody else? Sliide to the left! Wow. That was gay. I’ll leave it in as evidence to my state of mind. I think Riles may very well have a coronary this year. Miami Heat. What the fuck is he going to do with Mark Blount? Is Alonzo still around? I think he might be their best center. No kidding. I see them sucking. b) And why does Wade get calls that MJ couldn’t get? That’s bullshit.

4) Speaking of MJ, his little pet project goes here. Charlotte seems to me as a franchise constructed properly. Even though Sean May is out for the year, they’re a frisky squad. Young, athletic, and well balanced at all their positions. Look for them to fall just short of a playoff spot, barring a devastating injury.

5) Atlanta. Lots of forwards. Bad coach. No fans. Everybody there plays to get out. They suck. I’m hammered. (8)

And no, I didn’t feel like seeding the playoffs. That’s what Keith is for.

Western Conference

1. Dallas
The top three teams in the West are kind of hard to rank. I really want to put someone else in here as #1 because of Dallas' meltdown in the playoffs, but I can't decide who to put here instead of them. I think they start out the season on a hot streak to try and to prove to anyone who will listen that their playoff debacle was just historically bad matchup. I can't say that I'm impressed that they basically just stood pat with their roster, you'd figure with what happened in the playoffs that they'd mix it up a little, but they didn't. Maybe that works to their advantage because they've all played together for awhile. Lil General's gonna have to continually stick his boot their their ass to get them to play, but he basically had to do that all last season, so it's business as usual.

2. Suns
Am I the only one that really likes that Grant Hill signing? They got rid of the two dudes named Jones that weren't really giving them a whole lot and add a big name in Hill. Of course you're not guaranteed that he's going to play the entire season, but if D'antoni really watches Hill's minutes, I think he could play the entire season and have an impact. Hill doesn't have to be "the guy" like he was in Detroit, or even "the guy-behind-the-guy" like he was in the rare ocassion he was able to play in Orlando. All he has to be this time around is "the guy-behind-the-guy-behind-the-guy-behind-the-guy-behind-the-guy", aka: the fifth or sixth option. I think that's the perfect role for him to play at this point in his career. I like the signing, and I think it will work out for the Suns.

Another move that I think everyone else is wrong about is the Kurt Thomas trade. Everyone has been making a big deal that they traded away their only low block defender, but here are some stats: 67 games played, 18.1 minutes per game, 4.6 ppg, 5.7 rpg and .4 bpg. That's what Thomas did last year. He was much better the year before in less appearances, but he's 35 and only getting older. At $10mill per year, I think they can get that kind of production from other players. He only played 18 minutes a game, and yeah, almost six rebounds a game for those kinds of minutes are great, but I really don't thin this is going to impact their team a whole lot. I really think they dealt him because they didn't think he could keep up anymore. Unless someone gets injured his departure doesn't really effect them that much.

One reason I can't put them at #1 is because of The Matrix. You just don't know how that situation is going to shake out. There's been a conflict between him and Stoudamire from the jump and he wants money that the Suns don't have or think he deserves. I don't think he's a locker-room poison, but he's definitely not going to help out in that regard either. Do they keep him? Do they trade him? Who knows. And that's why I can't put them #1.

3. Spurs
I can't put them #1 or #2 because their starters don't play enough minutes during the season. It's a smart strategy to avoid injuries and roll into the playoffs, but it sure doesn't make them all that exciting. Neither does their style of play. If they make the finals again, I think we're going to see the opposite of what happened with baseball, opening rounds on ABC with the Finals on TNT. How awesome was that Warriors/Mavs first round series? How horrible was that Spurs/Cavs Finals? Solid team, you know they're in contention for a championship as long as their three best players are in their primes, but they're boring as hell.

4. Nuggets
This year, we'll finally get a full season with the entire team. I thing they make a leap, but I still think they're just below the big three. It's too bad that next year "The George Karl Implosion" will start to take effect. Kmart is supposed to be back, and I think they've got enough depth to bring him back slowly. Play him 10-15 minutes a game to start and see what happens, don't start him out at 30+ minutes a game. I really think that Camby's health determines where this team finishes. You could see it last year. He dominated when Melo was out, and even when they were full strength, if he missed some games, they struggled. The crazy thing is, I haven't mentioned their two best players yet. It's going to be interesting to see if Melo and A.I. can get enough touches for the entire season, or if you start to see a little friction there. Especially in the beginning of the season because they let Steve Blake go and the guy they signed to replace him (Chucky Atkins) is out 6-8 weeks. That means A.I. at the point, which is either a good thing for Melo/Iverson's relationship, or a bad thing. We'll see. I think they figure it all out, including the Kmart/rotation problem and everyone wins. Again, it's too bad things are going to start falling apart for them next year because I could see this team doing some damage.

5. Jazz
Have Kirilenko and Sloan kissed and made up? Does anyone outside of Utar really care? Personally, I would look to trade Kirilenko. You've got Milsap who's just waiting to break out; he's got a way smaller contract, plays just as well when he gets the minutes, and he doesn't whine. Get something, anything for Kirilenko while you still can. The rest of the team is solid, with Boozer, Okur and Deron Williams; the knock on their squad has always been the shooting guard position. Is Ronnie Brewer the answer? I don't know, but he's probably just as serviceable as any of the others that they've started in the position over the last couple of years. Big man depth is another problem. I think they're good, just not great.

6. Rockets aka "Team Shaky"
I don't get all the hype behind the Rockets. T-Mac's back is iffy, Yao hasn't been able to make it through a full season, you've got a brand new coach, which means a brand new system, no one's ever heard of your starting power forward, your starting point guard is in legal trouble and it's no secret you're trying to move him to play the other overpriced PG you traded for AND you're in the Southwest Division with the Mavs and the Spurs. You also can't get out of the first round. I see them putting it together at some point and making a run, but then injuries are gonna happen. I just really don't see them as part of the elite in the West. I think 5th or 6th is just about right. If injuries hit them hard, they could slide a lot lower. I'm just not impressed.

7. Warriors
When Baron Davis is healthy, they're amazing. The problem is, Baron Davis doesn't seem to stay healthy. Nelly also got the money he was looking for in the offseason, so you could argue that he doesn't have the same motivation that he had last year. And, his teams have a habit of shining brightly before they burn out. I think they do better than they did last year, but as with the Rockets, I just can't say they're in the top tier. Yet. I like their team, and if Mullen can resist the urge to tinker, I'd say they'll be able to make a good run in the next couple of years. They've got a lot of good, young players, with some older (as well as not so old) vets. THIS YEAR, I don't think they make the giant jump everyone's expecting, there will be a little bit of a hangover before they put it all together. Next year could be the year.

8. New Orleans
I just don't know who to put eighth. I like the Horents, I just don't like-them, like-them. Peja's going to have to give them more than 13 games and that's why they signed Mo Pete as a backup plan. They started out on fire when everyone was healthy, but then almost everyone on their roster went down at some point. Peja, David West, CP3, they were just decimated by injuries. I think they can slide into the eight spot, they've got a lot of talent, they've just got to gel together and find their way.

9. Lakers
Man, this team is a mess. Including management. I think Kobe stays for the entire season and they move him after the season's over and that doesn't help their team's development a whole lot. On the trade front, the equation of getting salaries to match up with the Lakers front office situation and Kobe's trade veto does not equal a trade in their near future. Just getting the salaries to match up is hard enough, when you add all of those other factors, it's approaching impossible. If Mamba stays injury free, I think he reverts back to the Kobe from two years ago, which would both help and hurt his trade situation. Lakers could demand more (or justify what they're currently asking), and he would probably veto because it wouldn't leave the team he would be going to with enough talent to contend.

As far as the team goes, they didn't do a whole lot in the offseason. They signed Derek Fisher. Yep, that was pretty much it. No big trade, no big free agent signing. Kobe doesn't seem to understand that when you don't have any money, you can't sign any big free agents. I hate the term, "it is what it is", but the Lakers are what they are and I think all of the turmoil they've got going on doesn't make them a playoff team.

10. Sonics
The Sonics have an interesting team. Durant has a little bit of an ankle problem to start the season, but hopefully, he'll get over it and immediately show why he's going to be ROY. I like that they didn't keep Rashard Lewis, he wanted way too much money, and I like that they were able to turn it into a trade exception and a pick. They also moved Ray Allen and his giant contract for eventual cap relief (Szcerzerbiak) and a NICE young player (Jeff Green). I think they could move past the Lakers if things really start clicking and Carlesimo can figure out a solid game plan. One weakness I see is point guard play. They just don't have an obvious starter in my view and all three guys are spotty. If they can somehow trade for a better option or Carlesimo can figure out a system that minimizes their point guards (a motion offense, maybe?), they could really make some noise. In two years they can also sign a huge free agent when Wally and Wilcox come off the books. They've also got Kurt Thomas for a year and that will really help them with their toughness and front court depth. I think they're a really good team to watch. Too bad you're probably going to have to watch them in Oklahoma.

11. Kings
I had this team a little higher, but then Bibby tore up his thumb. And Brad Miller suddenly looks like he's 97 years old. I have no idea what they're going to do about these problems. They could finish a lot lower, but look at the other teams that are left. I still think the Kings have slightly better talent than the teams listed below. They've got to figure some stuff out in the offseason, like if they're going to extend Artest, and stay in Sacto. They need a lot of front court help and they don't have a whole lot of assets to trade for that. They're going to have to build through the draft because it doesn't look like they're going to be able to sign an impact player for another couple of years. They'll have a ton of room to sign players in 2009/2010, but it's the now that they've gotta worry about.

12. Trailblazers

I think the Blazers could be headed back to a top three pick. They really didn't improve their team all that much, so you're basically looking at +/- a couple of wins here. Oden is out for the year, they traded away a 20/10 guy and their best post player and their big free agent signing was a guy that they traded away a couple of years ago. If Darius Miles makes a comeback, I guess that's a bonus. I wouldn't expect a whole lot from them though, I doubt they finish better than their record from last year.

13. Clippers
I don't know where to put the Clippers. Obviously, their #1 guy, Elton Brand, is out for about six months so that's really tough to deal with. Their #2 guy, Corey Magette, could be traded by the deadline. Their point guard of the future tore up his knee and no one knows if he's going to play this year or what kind of player he's going to be when he comes back (I'm just going to say this again; they could have had A.I.). Add in a creaky backcourt (Cassel, Mobley), and lack of a solid post game (Kamen is it with Brand out) and things aren't looking so good. When Brand comes back they could make a run, but I don't expect Magette to be there when he gets back and that's a lot of stuff for Dunleavy to figure out. They've got a lot of decisions to make at the end of the year, and they have to put together a trade for Magette.

14. Grizzles
Things are looking up for the Grizz, but they're still a bad team. They've got a bad contract or two ("The Janitor's" contract immediately comes to mind) but they've got some really nice young talent. And Pau Gasol. This is a team that is really going to struggle with trying to find an identity, but I think that if they can keep their core together, then make a trade or sign a free agent, they could make a run at some point in the next couple of years. I want to put them higher, but they're just so young.

15. Timberwolves
I actually think that the T'Wolves could surprise a lot of people and finish better than last in the West. But as of right now, they've got a lot of things working against them. A. Their team sucks. B. They haven't played a whole lot together and their coach has to figure out just what the hell they're going to do for the season. C. Their GM is a maniac. Looking at their roster right out, it's insane. McHale was like a fantasy owner that went crazy and just wanted to see how many different trades he could pull off. They've also got a couple of bad contracts that they McHale himself signed, so it still looks like it's going to take awhile to turn this thing around. I really like Al Jefferson and I think he's going to be one of the few bright spots in their season. Same thing with Randy Foye. If they can build around those two, they've got something. But they have to wait out some contracts and decide what to do with some problem players (Telfair, Walker). They've got a lot of work to do, but if McHale can stop making a trade every other week as well as stop signing guys to dumb contracts, that's a start. It's still going to take a couple of years.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Bobby Light is gonna do you right.....

ESPN is the WWL in sports and coupled with ABC has the world of tv on lock. But they'll be busy this week trying to cover all angles of the Pats/Colts game. I'll try to help them out.


re: SoCal blazes

Officials are searching for the driver of a white truck seen on Santiago Canyon Road on Sunday, near the time the Peyton Manning fire started, Tom Brady County authorities said Friday.

Chief Bill Bellichick holds a photo of a white truck similar to the one seen on Santiago Canyon Road.

"These people are not suspects at this time," Orange County Fire Authority Chief Tony Dungy said. "They are persons of interest who were seen near the fire in a vehicle like this."

The vehicle is a white, 1998 Ford F150 pickup with chrome tubular running boards and a blue horshshoe on the side. Dungy said the information came from a lead called into the investigation's tip line.

A $250,000 reward has been offered for information leading to the arrest of the person or persons responsible for the blaze.

Re: showbiz

The original Capt. Brady is disheartened he won't get to boldly go anywhere with his old pal Spock in the new "Star Trek" movie.

While Peyton Manning is reprising his role as the pointy-eared Vulcan in next year's science-fiction flick, Tom Brady is not on board as Kirk. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Peyton, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," Brady, 29, told The Associated Press on Thursday. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision."

Director J.J. Abrams announced last summer that Manning would reprise the role he originated opposite Brady in the 1960s television show and played again in six big-screen adventures.

re: Americana

BETHEL, N.Y. -- It rises from the hilltop, bigger than a barn, built of stone and roofed in copper. Officially it will be the Museum at Foxboro, and it will be focused on the Woodstock festival, the "three days of peace and music" that took place here in August 1969. But the museum has been tagged by critics with a different name: the Patriots Museum.

"This is the farthest thing from a Patriots museum that anything could be," declared Robert Kraft, a dairy farmer who is the town supervisor -- and a reelection-seeking Republican -- in Bethel. "I personally take a little offense to that."

In this rural area, the project is seen as crucial to the economic recovery of a region hammered by the closing of once-popular Borscht Belt tourist resorts.

New BCS Standings:

1) Indy
2) New England
3) Ohio St.
4) Boston College
5) LSU

*Based on SOS and computer rankings.

NASCAR Results from Sunday's Pep Boys Auto 500:

1) Dallas Clark
2) Jimmie Johnson
3) Mike Vrabel
4) Randy Moss
5) Carl Edwards
6) Reggie Wayne
7) Reed Sorenson
8) Wes Welker
9) Lawrence Maroney
10) Matt Kenseth

Dallas Clark's crew chief, Tony Dungy made a good call for only 2 tires on Clark's final pit stop. Clark is now 9 points back of series leader Jeff Gordon.

Oh yeah, the Sawx won the World Series, beating the Indy Colts 4 games to 0. Fuck Boston. And if I hear the term "Red Sawx Nation" one more time, I'm going to have to seek out a member and kilt them. Fuck the Sawx.

*Make sure to keep your tv tuned to the ESPN family of networks (and ABC) all week.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

in celebration

great week for LOV, we back baby we back. We'll take the 15 yd excessive celebration penalty.

Lloyd Carr's 5 Step Program to losing a game you should win:

1) Take the week off - you don't need any film study or gameplan prep. Wing it. Use the "no plan" plan.

2) Play down to the level of your comp - have a heart, give 'em a chance.

3) Get into your opponents territory and only kick FG's.

4) Penalties and TO's....repeat.

5) Just don't give a fuck.

Friday, October 26, 2007

EL Padrino's Weekly Betting Guide

Rockies blue-it. Big time. Had a nice chance to take a split in that bullshit ballpark. The team with a .280 team batting avg couldn't get a fucking hit when it mattered. Now they must win all three at home. Tough to do. I must say though. Not having the DH will really hurt the Sox...also Manny will like a screaming child in Macy's during the xmas shopping season. Just lost.

If someone says it's the rox vs sox WS again I will bludgeon them with a pipe.

WWL is garbage lately, moreso than ever. I rely mostly on the fine reporting of this blog and all local news outlets. You know, LA Times, Rocky Mountain whatever, Detroit Free Press and so on.

What's this Slingbox they talk about?

Did I really need to see Matt Ryan throw up? And then they kept the cameras on him when he was about to chuck it again.....WTF.

EA was cute in that little fleece/hat combo. And it was all wet and shit.

Who's doing the NBA preview? Can I do just the Knicks? Nevermind. I don't want to go back on the Zoloft.

Hockey started last night. I think.

I guess I should publish this now. I could go on, I'll be highly ineffective at work today due to my impending trip this weekend.

Where I stand
Last week:
College 3-2
Pros 5-1
Overall: 29-28

RUTGERS +7 over Wvu ($50)
RUTG are 7-1 ATS vs. a team with a winning record. RUTG are 7-2 ATS in their last 9 games overall. ANNND I feel that there are maybe 4 or 5 teams that know how to defend WVU's rushing attack. Rutgers is one of them. I'm confident they will cover this number. They might not win the football game but they will cover this number.

OREGON -2.5 over Usc ($50)
The Ducks have lost 3 in a row to the Trojans, are 10-3 ATS in thier past 13 October games and have a chance to leap into the National Title pic with a win. No to mention they are home, tough tough place to play. Hopefully they got thier mulligan out of thier system with that home loss to Cal.

MICHIGAN -24 over Minnesota ($100)
The Gophers are *Bill Walton voice*, TEERRRIIIBBLLLEEE.

I also like Hawaii -26 at home over New Mexico State and South Carolina getting 3 over the Vols. I might also take a flier on Georgia +9.5 over the Gators. I think it's too high for a SEC game at a neutral site. One more thing before I tackle the pros, you can't think Nebraska can keep it within 21 points at Austin, can you?

Philly - 1 over VIKINGS ($50)
If Minnestoa had a QB they would be scary good. For real. Philly must win this game to stay afloat in the NFC East battle royal. They'll use Dallas blueprint on stopping Peterson and McNabb will be winging the ball all over the place in that dome. Minny is 2-6 ATS in thier last 8 at home. Not good.

Houston +11.5 over Whale's Vagina ($50)
Turn tragedy into money. No way Norv Turner keeps these guys focused for what has been a distracting week. No way.

BUCS -4.5 over Jax ($100)
If Tampa stops the run early this game will be over faster than the biscuits at Warren Sapp's house. Quinn Gray looks great. Except not. So there's that going for him.

Skins +17 over PATS ($25)
You'll be saying "El Pad told me the redskins would cover". Watch. 30-17 final, with the garbage TD coming at the 3 minute mark for New England.

TEASER! (love these)

South Florida +5, Giants @ pickem, Colts +3

My suicide picks, Giants and Titans.

Soilder Field here I come.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Hey Boston, I wanted to tell you something

I hate the Patriots.

I hate the Red Sox.

I hate the Celtics.

I hate the BC Eagles.

I hate the Bruins.

I hate every single thing about your stupid city and your stupid culture. I'd literally rather cut off my toes with a spoon than listen to your insufferableness.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

there's something in the air tonight

So the World Series is starting sometime soon. people watch it. at least the 80 people that are Rockies fans will and then the WWL tells me that something called Red Sawk Nation will watch too. i think it's all east coast hype.

speaking of the WWL, our daily front page genius quote is this: (regarding the Rockies' manager who is the main story at the moment)...

"There are times when I dislike the managerial decisions of Hurdle, but I can never dislike the man Hurdle. - saitoh69"

Ah yes, thank you 'saitch69'. Your opinion on Hurdle (the man) seems valid. I just can't tell what really seals it for me though.. the fact that you are some douch-ay on the interwebs who claims to be tolerant of a professional coach on a personal level or that you simply have '69' in your login name. either one, awesome. sixtee-naaaaaaaaaaahn!!!!!

Oh and apparently you can leave messages on each person's page. If you feel so inclined, leave 'saitoh' a message letting him know how awesome he is for getting his comment on the main page and how proud he should be. Truly an honor, my friends. Actually, we could probably make a whole LOV showing of this and leave messages for each person who ends up with a dumbass lead comment. This could distract us for hours though. Maybe we'll leave it up to Freak to let him kill all his free time. Hopefully they dont change the comments that often, cause as we've already seen.. we'll be there all day cause they consistently pick winners.

-Ok, this fucker here (The Cougher) hacks like a dying cat and I cant say this enough, as it has gotten worse recently. At least cover your mouth or dont do the whole "hacking up a snot ball and then spitting" thing while youre sitting at your desk. Someone please put him out of his misery. I want to beat him with a whip made out of Llama ass hair. STFU. You already had something removed from your throat weeks ago... wtf did they miss. Clearly an oversight happened as this did not solve the problem. At this point, the Llama ass hair whip would be the only viable alternative.

-I got jumped the other day. Me and a friend were going to a restaurant and dude comes up and axes for money. He starts out with the whole "hey man, i aint crazy or nuffin.. my car has a flat and i gotta..." something. i think this mightve been a new gig that he was using, cause i tuned him out about at the point that he was walking towards us and opening his crackhead mouth.. but i couldve sworn he said something about buying a bottle of that tire fix it shit. I'm like wow, that's some extra thought to put into your story rather than the whole gas thing. I dont know, maybe it was the regular ol' "ran out of gas" story. like i said, my mind checked out early on, so maybe that was just me hoping that he came up with a better story than the old standby. wishful thinking. that was using CYOA in real life.

so then after that exchange, my buddy gave him a couple bucks. i stated that i would much rather have my man give me a "i needs ta get DRUNK!1!" story and i wouldve actually given him a couple bucks to pick me up a 40 too. see, if he was just honest with me and with himself, he could scored an extra couple bucks and a drinking buddy. granted, he's not gonna come back with a frosty beverage for me... but he wouldve made more money by being honest. and then he couldve gone back to being dishonest and steal the 2 bucks.

plus, i woulndt be drinking with some lowlife like that. i have my own friends that i can drink with and look down on. really, he probably knew that if he did come back, we wouldve ridiculed him and most likely beaten him to within an inch of his life and taken his 40 too. maybe he wouldve gotten a couple sixer's though, then we couldve paid a couple other guys to jump into the fray and whoop his ass too.

yes, that wouldve been a great story. but i didnt get jumped, he just axed us for cash and that was it.

Kobe says give all your base to him.

meeting time. my time here is over.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Today's Post - With Doppler 10,003

So Doppler 10,003 says the Rockies are going to win the World Series in 6. Frankly I am a little shocked at this decision, but the Doppler is never wrong. I axed the Doppler why it picked the Rockies and it said that the Cali wildfires are sure to keep the fire burning in Colorado and bring a title home. I don't think the Doppler is very good with geography. Anyway, you heard it here first, Doppler 10,003 picks the Rockies in 6.

I'd talk about the NFL some, but my $$$ fantasy team was sabotaged by a terrible "if only" week. A 5 point loss with Kenny Watson on my bench. 'Nuff said. I am looking into firing my manager. I wonder if Joe Torre wants to change from baseball to FFB.

In NHL news looking at the standings it looks like Ottawa is a pretty good team. I think one sentence is all the NHL news we can take, so I will stop right there. More news next week.

In NASCAR news Mayfield is replacing

Well I figure about 1/2 a sentence is all LOV can stand about NASCAR.

Really this part is just for Rev, you need to do a weekend post so all of your fans can find out what you are up to.

Really this part is just for Cumfast, you know you have more fun over here than over at Shamford's place.

Really this part is just for Blue, like 4 more weeks and all the fun will be sucked out of your life. Ask TP about it, or ask his kids about it, they all went through it.

Really this part is just for Deke, bring what you can to the table today it will be good enough.

Really this part is just for Beth, where were you yesterday? I hope you out gathering up friends to post.

Really this part is just for El Pad, did you pass those series whatever tests you took like a year ago.

Really this part is just for Tyler, excellent work on TDiLH. It reminds us of things like El Pad's series whatever tests.

Really this part is just for Zeke, have you started thinking that "maybe Michigan can get to the Rose Bowl" yet? If not you should be.

Really this part is for anyone else I didn't specifically mention, blah blah blah blah, you're cool too. I'd do a sentence for everyone, but this post is already getting pretty long.

Alright, it's about time to wrap this up with a returning favorite of mine and a movie review:

Returning to the show this week after a long hiatus is another addition to the list of girls that I would do unspeakable things to. And remember folks, unspeakable for me <<<<<<<< unspeakable for El Pad. Anyway, the girl who gets added today is Whoopi Goldberg. Haha, no seriously, it is Kristen Bell. She might not be drop dead gorgeous, but she looks like she'd be into tem level unspeakable things. Congratulations Kristen, now go gossip with fellow unspeakable list girls such as Jenna Von Oy, Jewel Staite, Reese Witherspoon, Alicia Silverstone, the chick from Transformers (assuming she is 18, I think her name is Megan Fox) and some other chicks I can't remember right now. The list in still in its infancy and always looking for more chicks.

And finally the tem movie review of a movie tem hasn't even seen yet. I really couldn't decide what movie to review, so I figured I'd fire up and look at their top 250. The first movie on that thing that was made after 1990 that I haven't seen is what the review will be about today. I hope it is a good one. Oh and let's add that its in English too.

The Silence of The Lambs is today's movie.

This movie is a prequel to Babe. It stars that same old dude as a farmer and he has some lambs that just won't shut up, this is pretty much where they got the title from. Anyway, the lambs are always out in the field talking about all sorts of random shit. I think Queen Latifa is the voice for one of the lambs. Anyway, the farmer can't understand the lambs and actually hardly ever says a word himself, but they keep him up at night with all their noise so he's gotta silence them. Instead of doing the obvious thing and shooting them he decides that he will hire a wolf to take care of the problem (and in the process claim the insurance money for the kilt lambs). I'm not quite sure how he communicated with the wolf, but I decided to suspend my disbelief and go with it. Also, I should note that since this movie the wolf has fallen on hard times. He was last seen in a Jeep Liberty commercial. But I digress. Anyway, so the wolf "silences" the lambs but instead of money the farmer dude gets new lambs. It turns out he was illiterate, I guess some farmers are, and never really read the policy. Also a pig came with the lambs, which sets up the movie Babe.

Well this movie wasn't very gory, nothing exploded and there was no poon, so the best it can get is 1.5 helmet stickers, and that is exactly what it gets.

OK I'm done.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Onion Booty

Currently Auburn beating LSU, stay here for full details.

Lou, back to you.

Friday, October 19, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Guide

Can the Red Sox pitch Beckett on 2 days rest? God damn that boy can pitch!

That curveball last night was I wanna rock, no i wanna rock, no i wanna rock right now, uncle luke, freak nasty good.

Papelbon makes his mouth look like a anus when he looks in to the catcher. It's gay and dumb.

Julio Lugo looks hungry.

In case anyone didn't hear Torre is no longer the manager of the New York Yankees.

Pandemonium in Piscataway Pt. 2.

LSU breathe easy, beat Auburn at home and you'll be back in it. B.C will lose in Blacksburg next Thursday so forget them. WVU the East is yours, just win out. Looks like O.State/LSU as the title game. Unless Michigan can exact some revenge and fuck up the world with a win in Ann Arbor on November 17th. We'll see.

What about Oklahoma? Discuss.

Ray Rice reminds me of Mike Hart. NS.

Terry = Tito? I don't get it.

Yes Beth, I know. The Thrashers got their first win vs. the Rangers last night. IDGAF, celebrate with a "cum on me" party for all I care. Hockey is not important right now.

Andy Reid shouldn't punt to Devin Hester this Sunday.

Holmes is "fresh" after 2nd practice says Herman. Thanks buddy, the world was waiting for that tidbit.

VY game time decision. Suck it up son, your home vs. the team who could have drafted you.

It's 12:06am right now. EST.

Where I stand :
Overall 21-25

Last Week :
College 0-3
Pros 2-2

Florida -7 over KENTUCKY ($50)
Whenever the line looks silly (initially)pound the other side. That's a rule. This has been talked about in the comments this week. Florida needs this one bad. Kentucky had their season last week. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

Michigan -3 over ILLINOIS ($50)
I normally don't bet on the team I root for but I can't see Mike Hart letting his team lose this game. This has been a very strange year for Michigan and as unpredictable as they have been for some strange reason this bet just feels right. If they finish the year strong and *gulp* upset the buckeyes the year would not be lost.

Auburn +11 over LSU ($50)
I'll always take the points in a big SEC game. Always. Which makes sense on my first bet right? Auburn are SEC cover dogs. Most of the time winning outright.

And Louisville -3.5 over UCONN tonight.......this is not basketball.
I really like Cincy -10 in Pittsburgh too.

BENGALS -7 over Jets ($100)
As bad as Cincy is the Jets are worse. This is Chad's last game for NY. I'm so sad. Marvin Lewis should have been fired already, is it because he's black? Anyway Carson lights em up to a tune of a 17 point win.

Hotlanta +9 over SAINTS ($50)
That's funny. Saints win their first game of the year and all of a sudden they start laying wood. Fuck that I'll grab the 9 points, espeacially because Leftwhich is starting. He normally doesn't turn the ball over like Padrag's cousin.

Cheifs +3 over OAKLAND ($50)
I thought the Cheifs were a bad team but they really ain't that bad. That defense is good and the offense does just enough. This would be a nice road win for them. I can see it. LJ for a "wear them down" type game going over 30 carries and a nice play action pass with 4:17 left to seal it by Huard to Bowe. (god i sound like skunkpatch)

SEAHWAKS -9 over Rams ($1000)
Rams are bad. Really, really bad. Hawks need this game in the worst way. That was a real bad loss on Sunday night, on national TV no less so they should be motivated to take the Rams out to the woodshed and spank that ass.

Don't say anything but I like Niners getting 9.5 in NY. The Giants will win but it's a classic trap game for them. They'll scarily win by 4 or 5.

Teaser ($100):
Florida +3
Pats -7
Seahawks +1

Don't stop til' you get enough.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Madden Kangaroo

I'm left again on a day with no sports.

Oh, yeah, my 4 SB Champion hats arrived. Still makes me laugh.

I decided to buy a mini-season ticket package to some Pacers game. Figured I could go to a few of them, and sell the rest. Seemed like a good investment. Plus, I even thought to buy the "Big Name" package (Heat, Spurs, Cavs, etc), so even if the Pacers suck, the tickets will likely still be in demand.

On another ticket note, I will certainly be waiting in line on the Rockies and the Indians websites trying to buy World Series tickets. You could easily turn around and make 5 times what you paid for them.

Enough with talking. Sit back and enjoy.

Kangaroo + Race Track = Fun

This next one is a John Madden interview on Dave Letterman's show. Funnier than you would think.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Next Year In Review

Indians beat the Cubs in a shutout last night in a stunning Game 3 of the World Series. Hiroshima Susuki threw 8 scoreless innings, walked 8 and came away with the victory. Cubbies added some runs late in the game, tagging Hiro in the 4th with 6 runs led by Paul Dieter's grand slam, but it wasn't nearly enough to overcome the outstanding pitching performance. Jackson Pollack got the save, his 41st of the post season. He also sported a Dane Cook-like 'Bart Simpson' spikey haircut. Sadly, his haircut was so bad that he was beaten after the game by a group of stylists for FOX. FOX dont play that. Good news for viewers is that they filmed the beating and will air it during sweeps week as an extended trailer for the feature film that will come out in 2009.

Babies died in the Congo and you dont care. You should be ashamed of yourself. I am for you. We need to hold a rap concert to raise money.

Donovan McNabb took his final treatment to become caucasian and subsequently turned in his Race Card. He also signed away his Bitching Right and commemorated the event by using different pens during the ceremonial signature signing. The pens will be auctioned off for charity. They are expected to be worth less than a Barry Bonds homerun ball as McNabb has quickly overtaken the role as the least liked person in either race.

NHL hockey begins and ends and no one notices. This includes the players.

Trent Green is a potato. His body is being used in a public display as a testament to pro sports and the damages that can be incurred from neglecting the severity of certain injuries.

The first ever NFL-sponsored "Paint a Player" even is held.

The winner of the drawing put a shade of chartreuse lipstick and orange nail polish on him. It matches nicely with the spray painted flea market T-shirt that he is wearing. Plentiful amounts of pictures ensue. People laugh and eat crumpets. He is publicly ridiculed for being really, really fucking dumb. Too bad he can't learn from his own lesson. His wife has sex with her new husband while sitting on Green's lap. She experiences sexual gratification multiple times while the cameras roll.

Some NASCAR guy dies and no one cares.

A white woman breaks one of her immaculately manicured nails while pounding on the countertop while arguing prices at the Asian owned-and-operated salon. CNN is there. The Asian is not. She has since been removed from the country.

Justice is served.

Spring training begins and the smell of freshly trimmed grass clippings gives everyone chubbies.

Someone cries over spilt milk(t).

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Great slapper in the late afternoon / early evening (for us East Coasters) yesterday in the comments, it is worth checking out. Slappers are awesome. I feel the same way about slappers as Lois Griffin feels about vaginal sex.

Random Side Note: So yesterday or maybe the day before I saw not one, but two albino squirrels! I don't know about anyone else, but I feel the same way about albino squirrels as Homer Simpson feels about donuts....except that I don't want to eat them.

Eltardo has another column up. I might read it. The description says something about X-rated, but I figured the column is just about the Pats or something. One of these days I'll learn to just stop reading his stuff. In the meantime it is safe to assume that I feel the same way about El Tardo as Hank Hill feels about propane and propane accessories, except the exact opposite.

Random homework assignment: So you taste with your taste buds, but what do you smell with? And don't say your nose.

It appears as though the Rox won last night, so they will be sitting at home for awhile waiting for the ALCS to figure itself out. Right now the Indians have all the momentum, but after game 1 the Sox had all the momentum so you never know. If CC and Carmona shit the bed again I expect the Sox to pull it out. If either of them shows up and pitches well I expect the Indians to win the ALCS. It is safe to say that I feel the same way about the Sox as Bender J. Rodriguez feels about humans.

Random homework assignment: Has any baseball team won their last 14 of 15 or whatever to end the regular season and not won the World Series? Is there any comparison to what the Rox are doing right now? They are hotter than the chick Pee Wee fantasied about in Porky's Revenge.

In case you haven't noticed the hockey season has started. Since all the teams make the playoffs it ain't worth watching yet. But if you really care, Ottawa has the most points. Right now I feel the same way about hockey as Darkwing Duck feels about crime.

Final Sports note, the BCS came out. I don't put much stock into it right now. The BCS right now is the equivalent of picking your date for the senior prom based on which chick looks the best in 4th grade. A whole freaking lot can happen between now and then. It's safe to say that I feel the same way about the BCS as Garfield feels about Mondays.

Now for the tem movie review of a movie I have never seen:

Mona Lisa Smile. This movie has Julia Roberts, Julia Stiles and Kirsten Dunst in it. Oddly enough 3 chicks that I wouldn't mind banging. Of course the movie can't possibly be about Kirsten's smile, so it must be about Julia's, which one, hell I don't know, let's go with Roberts'. Now Roberts stars as Mona Lisa and the other two chicks star as competing models. They all want to be the model for a new Mona Lisa picture that some artist dude is going to paint. Dunst obviously loses out real quick and gets super pissed. Roberts' wins the role because her name is Mona Lisa and the Stiles chick gets pissed. So two of the three chicks are pissed and one is happy. I think at this point the director figures 1 out of 3 ain't bad. The End.

Also Maggie Gyllenhall was there.

1 helmet sticker out of 5.

Monday, October 15, 2007

This is where the title goes

Scene : 11AM-ish Sunday. Breakfast place. Small. Busy. FMZ/Zeke at 1 table, white couple behind us. 3 young black chicks (25-30ish) catty corner to us.


This is a busy place, you wait a good 20 mins to get a table. Regular breakfast fare on the menu. We sat down maybe a min after the black chicks. Couple behind us sits down prob 5 mins after us (they have a different waitress, Zeke's and black folks have same waitress).

Every table orders around the same time. Random couple gets served first, 5 mins later our food arrives about the same time as black folks. Black folks pissed bc other couple got food first and 2 out of 3 orders are wrong. Our food = A+.

Black folks are pissed, one returns order then cancels it and leaves. Other 2 eat some food then complain and ax to talk to mgr. Mgr comes over and they go back and forth. Charges of "I'm writing the BBB" and "it'd be different if we were white".

1) Black folks waitress is latino.
2) Mgr who talked to them was black.

Go figure.

What the fuck does this have to do with sports? Well, if you've peeped game on the 1st BCS Standings you'll see South Florida at #2, Boston College at #3, South Carolina at #6 , Kentucky at #7 and Arizona State at #8.

So how does this compare to angry black folks unnecessarily playing the race card? Not much, but in both cases you can't look at things the way you used to. If you refuse to remove the chip on your shoulder and your sense of entitlement then things will never change. And if you don't change the way you look at CFB then you're lost this season.

I'll admit I don't think USF, USC (cocks not spartans), UK or ASU will end up in the BCS Top 5 or 10, but you can't count them out either. It won't be a case of "what if there is 2 or more undefeateds" it'll be "how do we judge all these 1 loss teams?".

I used to think CFB needed a playoff but really, the entire season is a playoff, like it or not.

NFL recaps/MLB Playoffs/etc

Seriously - Devin Hester. Wow.

If you're ever in PHX: Tempe Marketplace

This place is pretty chill. Lots of shopping for the ladies and places to chill for the men folk. Since its so new its not all built out but when finished it will be a good destination spot. I peeped game at the end of LSU/UK at Dave & Busters which was alright. Its 5-10 mins down the freeway from the airport and is in close proximity to ASU - so the poon walking around is nice.

LOV Movie Review:
We Own the Night

This movie has something for everyone. Eva Mendes for the men and Jo Phoenix and Marky Mark for the ladies. You even get an opening scene titty shot from Eva. Typical good guy/bad guy back-n-forth, woven into a family struggle type story line. I nodded off towards the end but overall 2.5 Prince Chills out of 5.

Finally I leave you with this. I heart you Jeff, and I mean that in the most non-homo, homo way possible.

Friday, October 12, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

Ramblings of a degenerate.....

Wake with a nice home win. No one mentions the fact that Bowden doesn't coach anymore either. Everyone is on Paterno but I don't see Bowden wearing any headset or even telling his guys what to do.

There is a guy on FSU named Fagg. Not cool.

Rockies roll, all signs pointed to that win. Layoff my ass, this team is hotter than Alba in a white string bikini right now.

Newman wins the pole. NEWWWMAAN.

Pre-season NBA? Nah, not feeling it just yet.

I wish

I had

more time.

Where I stand:
Overall 18-20

Last Week:
1-2 College
2-2 Pros


USC -21.5 over Arizona ($50)
Wrong place wrong time for the Wildcats. I feel a woodshed moment. Despite the last couple of years of close contests.
Note: As of this a.m sophmore QB Mark Sanchez (of the mexican descent) was named starter with Booty out with an injury. This may or may not change my bet.

MIAMI -3 over Gtech ($50)
Tech has won the last two and since this Shannon guy appears to have Miami back on the right track I figure he'll get them motivated to beat a inconsistent Tech team coming off a tough road loss. Tech beats Clemson but loses to Virginia. Now I know losing to Butch Davis in North Carolina was a bad loss forMiami but they way they whipped up on A&M at home is the game I point to as an example of their improved play this year.

CAL -14 over Oregon St. ($50)
Cal keeps it going, and big. Something like last year's 41-13 thrashing. Man this year's Cal/USC game is going to be electric.


Houston +7 over JAX ($50)
Wait. So this Houston team is much improved from last year's Texans team, right? Ok so last year's Texans team beat these Jags twice last year. Why the 7 points? Either Vegas was impressed with Jax's thrashing of the Cheifs (I'm not) or they are making a rare mistake. I had this line pegged at 4. I'll take the seven everytime these two teams play.

Philly -3.5 over NYJ ($1,000,000)
This is one of those games where you say to yourself, "Self, why didn't I put my Civic on this game" as Buckhalter cruises into the endzone late in the 4th quarter expanding on a 3 TD lead.

Oakland +10.5 over SAN DIEGO ($50)
You have to like the 10 points here. The Bronco game notwithstanding the Chargers seemed like a team that just couldn't score at will vs anyone. I have to give the Raiders a shot in this one. They have good defense and speacial teams and have been preparing for two weeks now. Pep is healthy and ready to go.

Over 42- Bengals @ Cheifs ($50)
Bengals D is expired milk bad. LJ rewards Fantasy owners this week. Over is 20-8 in KC last 28 games in October.

Teaser (1-2 overall) ($100)
3 teams/10 points

Philly +7
Miami +15 (desperate)
Titans +13

Oh, I forgot. Rockies in 5 & Indians in 7.
Indians over Colorado in 5.

Indians get on the board for the first time since 1948. Good story.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Just got notice from that my order for 10 hats was cancelled. Hopefully the order for 4 still goes through.

I've decided I want a Rockies-Indians World Series. Just because it'd be nice to see a new organization win.

In sporting news from last night, Dave Wannstedt is still a horrible coach. Second overtime, 3rd & goal from the 2, down by 3, he calls for two straight passes. His RB had something like 150+ yards in the game. Plus, on 4th down, instead of going for the field goal, he threw a fade. A fade, people! The worst pass known to man, and that was his go-to move when it mattered?

Now for what you've been waiting for. Videos of the week.

The previous video has a written form of the presentation. You can view it here.

Now, this one's quality is complete crap, but I thought it was funny anyway.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Mr. Mulligan, I presume?

ok so i have very little idear what is poppin in sports lately. vacation last week and other shit has left me very little time to pay too much attention to these types of things. hell, i got that 360 and have turned it on once. once. and it was for literally about 5 minutes. eff that.

so i will do what any good sports reporter would do and rip straight from the headlines. wait, maybe i should be a sports commentist. sports communist? i think we have a few here.

anyways, ya know that hit that Trent Green dropped on that lineman/big fat dude.. ok, the bitch went straight to his knees. Keith Olbermann instantly had him as the "nfl idiot of the week" or whatever.. they totally breezed past the part of the story where Green took a cheap shot on him and couldve totally mangled the guy's knees. they didnt even make a comment like "well i can understand why he's so mad, but now is not the time to taunt and keep saying these comments". they just kept ragging on the guy for still talking shit in the post-game interview. yeah yeah, he shouldve shut up about it... but in all honesty, if youre gonna make that type of hit, you deserve what you get. and the only reason anyone is even concussed, it's cause its Mr Paper himself on the receiving end. i'm not saying taunt the dude and stand over his limp body like a total asshole like he did. you cant tell the dude was absolutely not moving at all? really? or are you that hopped up on GHB to realize? i dont know.. im saying that was an asshole move, definitely. i'm just saying the dude had and has a total right to answer questions regarding the hit being a bitch-ass cheap shot. if someone wouldve dont that hit on any QB, there would be massive outrage and the teams probably wouldve had a brawl. i dont care for double standards and thats exactly what wouldve happened, we'd be talking about protecting the QBs and the ruthless nature of football and how you cant hit a prone guy and all that bullshit.

god forbid if it wouldve been a black quarterback.

Leinart is out. sucks to be you, buddy. go find Tara Reid and wear her out.

haysoos creesto, Vinny Testaverde is coming back. Panthers, just give up.

i enjoy watching Romo cause he's aight as a player and he makes some good plays and is pretty exciting to watch.. i'm just glad that mofo has to wear a helmet. i dont think i can stand looking at his stupid dimpled cheeks all the time. i just keep waiting for him to talk like a total hillbilly and throw in 'yeehaw' and 'aww shucks'. maybe even a 'yuk yuk' for good measure.

and i didnt read this, but since it involves Gilbert, it is good enough to read. hanging with the hibachi

and if i missed anything or you wanted to read something different here today... then think up those thoughts in your head and have a grand ol' time. dont necessarily tell us about em, but go ahead and think them.

your boss is coming.
(enter cheesy Beth pun here)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Mailing it in

Facts are facts and I don't want to write anything. I gots nothin', no movie review, no witty banter, no random side notes, nothing. So what do D+ writers do when they got nothing? Mailbags. So here is the first ever (as far as I know) LOV mailbag. I know we are D- here, but today I am taking a tip from the D+ guys. Anyway, as always these questions are totally made up.

John, Ohio: Shouldn't you be working right now?
tem: Ummm, shouldn't you?

Sean, Indiana: My friend carries this 6 foot choir trophy around everywhere he goes, what should I do to stop him?
tem: You gotta beat him to the punch. Tell everyone it is for winning the All Valley Karate Tournament. Toss in a few Kobra Kai references a sweep the leg reference and this should solve the problem.

Halley, Florida: Is it OK to forget to brush your teeth?
tem: You're axing a guy from WV about oral hygiene? WTF? How do these questions get through the filter? Anyway, the answer is no.

TO, Texas: Why won't Tony throw me the damn ball?
tem: Because he likes white people better. That is why he throws to Witten all the time.

Joe, New York: You got any job opportunities?
tem: Umm, no. Maybe if you axe nicely the Boss will let you keep your job. Or maybe you go can manage the Mets instead. Why don't you try that?

Trent, Miami: Who am I? Where am I?
tem: You're Batman and you are in the line to collect your NFL pension check.

Jen, Montana: Is it all my fault?
tem: Umm yes?

Bobby, Illinois: So my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and get some Kentucky jelly, but I couldn't find any, all I found was Smuckers, will that do?
tem: I'm betting that both you and your girl are retarded or blonde. Anyway, yes smuckers will work.

Harold, Iowa: Simpsons or Family Guy?
tem: Simpsons at its prime kills Family Guy at its prime. But right now I would have to go with Family Guy. Not that the Simpsons isn't awesome, it's just that right now I think Family Guy is better.

Hillary, Arizona: Where's the poon?
tem: At Pac10 Poon of course. Also, I am not even going to comment on the fact that a person named Hillary is looking for poon.

Jon, Florida: Who the fuck is Jeff going to hand the ball off to?
tem: I hear Ricky Williams is available. Actually both of them are available, or you can try Priest Holmes. You like playing the veterans.

Steve, New Jersey: There is this article on the WWL about some chick who can hit holes in one almost at will. Why isn't she on the tour?
tem: What?

Bill, California: I need some MLB predictions. I have to turn them in pronto, you got any advice because I got nothing.
tem: Indians over the Sox, Rockies over The D-Bags. Indians over the Rockies. Of course I sincerely doubt you will actually go with Indians over Sox.

Mark, Texas: Should I buy the Cubs?
tem: Yeah, they could probably use your touch. Plus you can put together a team that wins, but doesn't win it all. That is exactly what Cubs fans want.

Joey, Washington: So a skydiving plane just crashed and like 7 people died. Why didn't they just jump out when it was clear the plane was going down? They are freaking skydivers, they didn't have any chutes ready? WTF?
tem: That is an excellent question. I'll have to turn this question over to Wesley Snipes, he was in Drop Zone so he knows all about sky diving.
Wesley: Always bet on black.

Sally, North Dakota: Is anything going to stop the Patriots from winning it all this year?
tem: Doesn't look like it does it? But that's the beauty of football, just when you think you got it figured out, it does a 180.

George, Kansas: Is there any new show out that I should be watching?
tem: Probably not. Why are you axing me?

Dan, Florida: Why can't we be friends?
tem: Because you are a douche, not even a douchebag. Just a douche.

Tyler, Tenn: I am training for a mini-marathon, what should I be doing?
tem: Running.

John, Ohio: Seriously, get to work.
tem: Umm OK.

OK that's enough mailbag.

Monday, October 08, 2007

It's Gut Check Monday!!!

We have a guest post for this Monday. Give it up to Meiz for stepping up and filling in. Please note that the opinions stated following this are not the opinion of LoV, nor it's affiliates.

People That Suck: The Cubs, Whynotus, and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of The United States of America of North America of the Western Hemisphere of Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy of Outer Space.

Non Suckage: The Rockies, The Diamondbacks, and the BoSox, I suppose.

I did not see the Redskins blowing out the Lions.

The Pats still roll.

The Cubs suck.

Pack 5-0?

This sucks. I'm hammered.

The chick on the far right side of the new Rolling Stone nearly has her entire tits hanging out of her bra.

The Pack is whooping the Bears. Not so much anymore.

Blue's Broncos got worked the fuck over.

I pooped 5 times during the 8:00 am hour.

The Cubs suck.

I seriously can't recall any important NFL info from today.

Oh, The BADgers = Weazy. As does USC.

TP hit a monster draw with his dog on Saturday night. It swung all the way out by me, and ended somewhere southwest of Keith's window. Well played, Packer.

Has Iam been around? Or is he on vacation?

I like Beth's boobs.

I think ElP should get TP the Jat that I linked on Friday. It's super classy.

Tyler needs to hack Shamford's page. Seriously.

The Weasel survives in the Suicide Pool on a missed 52-yarder. C'mon Zeke & Keith!

I'm pretty much out of gas, but I could go on like this for a good hour.

I think I may have broken the poop record today. I wasn't counting.

I dislike not hearing the music at Lambeau during the game broadcast. Fuck NBC.

I completely appalled some strangers on Friday with my alcohol intake. I think they're still in shock.

I wish I didn't have to wait for the end of the SNF game to send this to Freak. I'm just going to end up more incapacitated.

Randy Moss. Chris Mullin. Paul Molitor. Patrick Roy. Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

Madden '08 sucks balls.

Fuck it. I'm done.

Fuck you, Shanoff. Hi, Bill!

Brewers suck.

Friday, October 05, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

Ramblings of a degenerate.......

Hell of a win for the Spurriers.

Top ten scariest places to play in College -- not a bad gander, take a peek

We know Alex Smith is out 3-4 weeks, no one cares because no one actually thinks they will make the playoffs irregardless of what Skunkpatch says.

Looks like Carr again, seems like a good spot to give the Saints their first Dub-ya.

Brandon Jacobs back. Let's go.

Mewelde Moore on the block and the block is hot.

Seriously no one has told me why the Bills are on Monday Night Football. Are they retiring Thurman's number or something. Is Darryl Talley still alive? Does TJW know this?

"Tulo" is the new offensive coordinator in Denver.

Yanks got "INJUNED", excellence.

Rockies sweep, provin the Phils did not belong.

The Celtics have just won the NBA Championship, no need to play any games. HOORAY!

Where I stand :

Last Week (7-2):
2-1 College
4-0 NFL
1-0 Teaser
0-1 Parlay



Wisconsin +2.5 over ILLINI ($50)
Zeke said it best "the Illinois upset train for this weekend is out of control" and I couldn't agree more. If this is a trap, consider me trapped.

CLEMSON -5 over VaTech ($50)
Va tech has won 4 straight from the Tigers dating back to 1998. With Clemson's Memorial Stadium cracking Feldman's top ten scariest places to play I have to think the home team will find a way this week. Sean Glennon has not shown much poise on the road and Clemson is prime for a nice win.

Florida +8.5 over LSU ($25)
When in doubt take the points. I don't like giving any more than a touchdown in a SEC game. Espeacially with one's season on the line. I have an idea that LSU will win but I think it will be by about 4 or 5. Maybe a 28-24 type score. Tiger Stadium will be rocking fo sho'. Solid game.


Atlanta +8.5 over TITANS ($50)
This spread is nuts. I never got the memo that the Titans are "Minus more than a Touchdown" good. If you see this memo please bring it to me so in the future I will know this. Thanks and Regards.

NEW ORLEANS -3 over Carolina ($100)
Ok, let's try this one more time. They had a week to work on protecting the QB and making holes for Mr. Heisman. Let's see if they can get on the board this week.

NYG -3 over NYJ ($50)
I know I shouldn't bet with my heart but the Giants are absolutely going to manhandle the Jets. Mangenius no more as this team is playing like it was supposed to last year. Giants defense the past 6 quarters of football have been simply dominating and Chad Pennington scares no one. And the Jets just lost to Buffalo so they have that going for them.

DENVER -1 over San Diego ($25)
I'll roll the dice here. Don't really like this Denver team but how could I take the Chargers? I have to think the spiraling will continue and the bad karma will reign over AJ Smith's head like a John Tesh single. You don't even have to lay any points on some sites so that's good. All the Broncos have to do is win a goddam home game. Is that too much to ask? Maybe the "Rox" can give them some "mojo".

Just teasing:
Seattle +18
Pats -5
Indy -1
Dallas/Buffalo over 32

Reverse : (4 to 1 if both legs hit $25=$100)
Kansas St. -3.5, Hawaii -21 (1st half only)

Hello Cummy.

Thursday, October 04, 2007


Stupid Cubs.

And to the stupid TBS announcers, it's "Mar-mull" not "Mar-MOLE".

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Elizabeth I

Well. The day has come. There are three things we care about on LOV.

No particular order.

1) Sports
2) Beer
3) Tits

I, El Padrino, proudly present to you the latter.




Soulja Girl! Nice shades.........

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


OK, so really I got nothing today. I didn't watch the Rockies win, but apparently there was some controversy. Blue can fill me in later. I watched the Bengals game, I was wrong, they lost. Although Carson/Kenny/Chad did just enough to get me a fantasy win, which is nice. Good thing the other team played terribly. Speaking of fantasy, check out my Yahoo! roster and then awe in amazement at how that lineup scored like it did. Ike Hilliard and Brian Griese really performed well.

So last Saturday I went to a "minor league" MMA thing. The tickets were free and Butterbean was supposed to fight. But he didn't fight, so that sucked, but the rest of the night was just awesome. Basically it was a bunch of "minor league" fighters (my friend and I saw at least 20 fights), their stripper girlfriends and me and my friend. I have no clue why each of the fighters had at least 1 stripper girl with him, but they did. After the fights the fighters would come out into the "stands" and cheer for the other fights and say "oh man, I could whup him good." Even the fighter that got knocked the fuck out in 20 seconds was saying that. I would have laughed hard at him had there not been lots of strippers to look at. Which is good, because he would have beaten the crap out me. Unless I outran his fat ass. Anyway, it was just an awesome night and I highly recommend attending any "minor league" MMA thing. I think this was called Fightfest or something. If you go chances are solid that you will see at least 3 people get knocked out cold and see at least 20 strippers who think flashing Herb Dean is a great idea. Oh yeah, I forgot, Herb Dean was there and reffing. He was a nice guy, my friend got his picture taken with him.

Random Side Note : Apparently all polar bears are left handed and ducks quacks don't echo. WTF.

Movie review of a movie tem has never seen:

Today's movie is Thelma and Louise. This movie is about 2 crazy chicks who drive off of a cliff together. They are crazy bitches who never get naked. Which is good because I don't think you want to see either of them naked. Well maybe one of them, in that curious way where you don't really want to do anything to her, but you just wonder what she looks like naked. Anyway, I think one of them accidentally steals a pack of chewing gum from a gas station and doesn't realize it until later. But unbeknownst to the crazy bitches some dude robbed the station right after and drove a car that looked really similar to theirs. So the cops chase the bitches and not the real criminal. Then they catch the bitches and the bitches are worried because they stole gum and its in the south and they might get hung. So they call their cousin from NY, who is a lawyer. He comes down, hilarity ensues, he bangs Beth (as all lawyers do), his dumb girlfriend saves the day and Thelma and Louise drive off a cliff together in celebration.

2.5 helmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, October 01, 2007

The world is filled with pimps and ho's......

Pimps: Why Not Us?

Met(S) [it'll only sting for the rest of your life Met(S) fans]

Rox/Fathers, do or die.

Congrats to Blit for winning the FMLB league.

Pimps: Colorado, Kansas State, Maryland, USF, Auburn

Ho's: Okla, Texas, Rutgers, West Virginia, Florida

USF is #6 now, re-read that.

Great weekend for CFB.

Suicide it's a suicide. San Diego. Norvelous.

Pavlik, if you don't know you betta ax somebody.

NYG : 2-2. You still got something NYC. In your face Tiki.

And Uzi Umenyora (sp, too lazy to look it up) set two records last night, the Giants single game sacks record, and the record for the number of times one person can say "man" in an interview, man.

Hockey started.

Alright I think I've pretty much regurgitated all the headlines.

We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino