Monday, April 30, 2007

hot route.....hot route.....HOT ROUTE

Alright, BIG sports weekend. Playoff hoops, playoff hockey, MLB, boxing, NASCAR and of course the NFL Draft - which is what I'll concentrate on for today's post.

I'll go team-by-team and round by round, with analysis for each. Winners....losers, player analysis, team and trade analysis also. Let's get to it.










































Sucka ass.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Fuck Mel Kiper, I'm better and I don't use Pantene Pro-V

Here's how the draft is going to go, other than a bunch of cream colored suits with big tie knots and tailed jackets:

The Raiders are going to take Russell because the other black, chubby QB with the strong arm is not available.

The Lions will draft Quinn and Father Hate will break into Ford Field and hang himself to death from the rafters wearing a Notre Dame Brady Quinn jersey.

The Browns will take Peterson who will immediately start the year on IR.

The Bucs will shoot a load in the war room and take CJ.

Cards need help protecting thier movie star so they select Joe Thomas.

Skins will actually play it smart and trade down with ATL who will select LaRon Landry.

Vikes can't believe Gaines Adams is still around yet they still wait til there is three seconds left.

Skins will stay here and take Okoye, a very talented African.

Dolphins need O-line help so they snatch Levi Brown.

Texans make a splash and trade down to Denver who take LB Patrick Willis.

Niners go defense and get white boy pass rusher from the corn, Adam Carriker.

Bills trade down to 18 with Cincy, who select Leon Hall, CB - Michigan.

St.Loo goes defense and grabs Jamaal (two a's) Anderson out of Arkansas

Carolina wants Greg Olson but that's a stretch at this spot so they shore up the Dline with run stopper Alan Branch.

Not sure the 3-4 stays in Pittsburgh but the best DE is still on the board. NO longer! Jarvis Moss goes to the Steelers.

Packers call on Ted Ginn Jr for immediate spark in both the kicking game and another target for the media whore that is Brett Farve.

CB, Darielle Revis buys a house in Jacksonville Florida. Him and Mathis will make beautiful music together in North Fla.

Bills are here and so is the guy they want. Marshawn Lynch please step up to the podium.

Titans are up next and they vow to pick the most criminal son of a bitch there is, Robert Meachem please step up to the podium (I aint saying he a criminal though)

Giants have a ton of holes and as much as I'm in love with Reggie Nelson and would love to see him wear Giant blue I think they will go with the safe pick. OT Joe Staley.

Texans, courtesy of Denver take Nelson, S out of Florida. Fuckers.

Cowboys, Dwayne Bowe, WR, USC. For some reason I think taking him over Jarrett is a mistake but what do I know.

Chiefs, with more holes than swiss, can't go wrong with anyone here. They take a run stopper. DT Justin Harrell.

Pats take double P. Paul Posluszny. It just feels right.

Here comes the Boos.....the Jets select Miami TE Greg Olsen! Crowd loves it!! Fireman Ed rips his shirt off and starts kissing men. Everyone is happy! YAYAY!

Why not us is on the clock. Eagles select Ricky Williams. Cheers all around. Oh, that was 97, my bad. Iggles take CB Aaron Ross.

The Aints are now the Saints. I know, no really they are good now. All it took was a monster hurricane to kill half the population. They go with the best talent on the board. DA U safety Brandon Meriweather.

NE is up again. WTF! This is why they fucking win every year. They go safety this time, Micheal Griffin, UT.

Ravenswood is a good wine. Anyway if Baltimore doesnt trade this down they take LB David Harris out of Michigan.

Chargers have to take Jarrett. If they don't thier draft is a failure no matter what they do in the other rounds.

Chicago, missing out on Jarrett stings, so they bulk up the D with Lawrence Timmons.

Colts have multiple plays here, OT Ben Grubbs, DE Anthony Spencer but after losing both corners to free agency they draft Chris Houston out of Arkansas.

Peace, love and nappiness.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I didn't but then I did

I wasn't gonna post today, because I hate you people.

But then I saw this and I knew I had to post.

I think he's entering Mike Tyson territory, at least in the injury department. You could tell me he hyperextended his wrist burping the worm and I wouldn't blink.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

"Remember when" is the lowest form of conversation

PHX is nice. darn nice team. im writing this and it aint even halftime yet, but im calling it for the Suns. eat a d*ck, TheRapist. you aint workin' magic with *this* Laker team. and i'm goin to sleep, but im confident about a win.

before the game Charles was talking about LA. he said something about "u know when u have a new car, and an old car.. and you get the car, uh you know, like if you have the old car... save up and get the new one. cause youll have the old and new car." and then you can lock yourself in it and suck down fumes cause you went ahead and put a hose from the exhaust pipe and fed it in the window.. good god Charles, WTF are you talking about? please, just shuddup. yes, youre one of the only analysts that come wit some baxketball knowledge, and i DO like how you keeps it real.. but stick to like, 3- and 4-word sentences. k, thx! added bonus was Kenny and Cancer talking him down for a sec. ya know, its fun to make fun of someone directly to their face and them not realize it.. im guessing that feeling is amplified if you bag on someone who is (a) really rich and dumb and (2) on national tv. burn.

and if youre the Miami Heat now, you feel like a white girl working at a resort with Kobe coming in for the weekend. you can see it coming, but u cant do anything about it. youre gonna get bow-nuh-ded.

NYY lost to the Devil Rays. thats all. i'll let that one settle in your skull for a sec.

Griffey Jr hit a knock to move him past Reggie on the list. did u know Reggie once scored like 27 points in like 8 seconds? and his sister scored 100 points in a game too.. oh wait, wrong reggie. i apparently dont know this cat.

are wine hangovers worse than beer/likka hangovers? i dont know cause i dont rock wine unless me and kod are chillin', but the Cougher drinks wine and he admitted that he didnt come the other day (and probably every other time he hasnt shown) in b/c he was wasted. dont u grow out of that at some point? maybe getting your anus stretched like a balloon justifies still getting trashed when youre 60. who knows.

and as a last note, the EnnEffEll had this to say about the stickiest of the icky.. dont tell! "I'm troubled by the breach of confidentiality," Goodell told USA Today. "Whenever you get into these situations leading up to the draft, you have a lot of misinformation put out there."

by leaking info like this, youre hurting the product. if youre hurting the product, youre affecting money and revenues. if youre f*cking with the man's money, he's gonna backhand you. it's the buddy system, but in corporate america terms. dont state the obvious (that college kids, let alone college *athletes* have smoked weed). oh no!!! does coming out and making this statement (telling people to hush up) make it seem like theyre deliberately trying to cover stuff like this up.. but theyre just flat out telling us that theyre trying to cover it up now.. so im lost. are we supposed to care about stupid shit like this still? should we ax em if theyve drank alcohol or fornicated outside the binds of marriage? the nfl, our pillar of morality.

alrighty, have at it.

ish that needs to be said

games were last night.

this team won, that team lost.

hockeysomethingsomething.

basketballfootballAFLnascarWNBAgolfporncardsgambling.

(tem if you wanna post something in place of this, lemme noe)

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Weekend Recap

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated

I mentioned before that every now and then, I may throw up a weekend column just because I feel like it. Well, I feel like it.

This may not get any comments at all. It is Sunday after all. I wouldn't expect a ton of comments on it. No, I'm just writing it because I still care. It's still real to me, dammit!

So anyway, I'll start off by saying I really miss LOV during the day. I'm finding that it's hell to catch up on comments after 6pm. So I find myself skimming through looking for the word "Rev" to pop up. And to my surprise, I find that it still pops up often.

Admit it... you all miss my big fat ass!

I did enjoy Tem going out and finding sample questions from the Series 6 in my honor a couple of days ago. And I especially enjoyed the fact that the Weasel got most of them wrong. Overstudy, my ass!

I also enjoy the fact that it seems like many of you are following the Phillies just because you know it's pissing me off as they lose game after game. Why not us? Well, we're up to at least 7 answers to that question now. No, I'm not happy with them. But maybe... if last night's game is an indication, maybe they'll be OK. 15 K's from Hamels and dropping a triple play on the Reds is pretty damn sweet. I need some hope, dammit!

Good to see Tyler step up to the plate and do the guest column on the NBA playoffs. And good to see that someone else is capable of a 19 scroller.

I got nothing else right now. I'm going downstairs to have some banana pancakes and start studying for the day. Second test is Thursday, after all.

Peace, bitchcakes!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Tyler's Invincible NBA Playoff Preview 2k7:

Tyler’s Invincible NBA Playoff Preview 2k7:

NOTE: I pretty much had to wait until the last minute to write this up because of all of the recent movement. I think I wrote stuff for seven or eight different scenarios. The West was pretty wild too, even though it looked like for a while it was pretty locked up. Lots of teams were in, and then they were out, then they were back in, and then they were back out. Madness. Anyways, here we go...

Eastern Conference;
I’m just going to start this off by saying that even though I’m totally biased towards the West Coast, it still doesn’t change the fact that there’s a noticeable between the two conferences. The #1 team in the East, Detroit, would be the #5 or 6 seed in the West. That’s a huge gap. And here’s the thing; I don't know how this gets equaled out anytime soon. The West is loaded and it's going to take a lot of blockbuster trades and free agent travel to balance it out. But I guess there’s always the chance that this upcoming draft is going to live up to all of the hype. If two Eastern squads can grab the top two picks, and if it’s truly as deep as they say, then in a couple of years you could see it start to shift back to something resembling parity between the two conferences. Anyhow, I just thought I throw that out there. Now we’re really going to get to the series-by-series analysis right now, I promise.

#1 Detroit (52-29) vs. #8 Orlando (40-42)
Detroit is looking a little long in the tooth and Orlando is obviously the up and coming squad, I like this match-up but Orlando’s still underpowered. They just need to gel together another year, hire a better coach (Brian Hill will be fired after this season), and sign a key free agent or two and then boombangpow!, they're an elite team in the East. Dwight Howard, simply put, is a man. The dude is insane. I've caught a couple of their games, I’ve seen his crazy highlights on SportsCenter, and I jumped out of my seat when he was in the dunk contest. He is going to be a force in this league if he can avoid getting hurt, and if the Magic’s management can put better talent around him. I really hope he has a breakout series so the rest of the nation can see what he can do. On the flipside, Detroit, even without Big Ben, is still the #1 team in the East, and that’s gotta count for something. They’re still a championship squad, and they’ve got veterans that have a lot of playoff experience. I still think CWebb turns on the reserve tanks an pulls off a slightly above average playoff run that ends with him getting paid next season. It will probably piss off every fan that’s ever cursed his name after he’s single-handedly destroyed their home team (The list is getting pretty long, it includes: any Golden State or Bullets/Wizards fans, The Rev/Philly and yours truly as I was a huge Sacto fan back when they had that nice run a couple of years ago). Like I said, somehow, someway, he cons an NBA GM into giving him loot, could be in Detroit, but it could be somewhere else. Some GM is going to make the mistake. It may not a huge contract, but it’s gonna be one of those ones that you’re going to notice right away, once it’s announced that it’s got a couple of years too many attached to it. Unless they can channel the 1999 Knicks, it’s De-troit-basket-ball rolling into the next round.

#2 Cleveland (50-32) vs. #7 Washington (41-41)
What do you really want me to say here? I mean, how many more guys can The Wiz lose for the rest of the season? I think they’re starting some D-Leaguers right about now. And they’ve gotta go on the road against Cleveland, a team they couldn’t beat last year in the playoffs when they were 100% healthy? Cleveland could possibly sweep this series, but I’m going to say that if anyone dodged a bullet in the last couple of days, it’s the Cavs. They were staring right at a first round match-up with Miami, but then the Bulls decided to implode and now the Cavs wind up a #2 seed and basically get a free pass against Washington. A guy I work with is already calling it a conspiracy to get LeBron more playoff time. Cavs move on, and it might be 4-0.

#3 Toronto (47-35) vs. #6 New Jersey (41-41)
I don’t really know too much about The Raptors. I mean, I know Chris Bosh is a stud, but I really have no idea how they won 47 games. They’re 2500 miles away, in another country, so why should I care about them, eh? I guess this is my chance to find about them, but I really like Jersey for some reason. They’ve dealt with adversity the entire season, they’ve got playoff experience, and even their lack of frontcourt depth doesn’t hurt them too much in this match-up. And they came up bigtime in their last game against the Bulls. I like teams with momentum at the end of the season, and Jersey’s got that going for them. All they really have to worry about is Bosh (Mickey Moore and that rookie Boone have been playing rather well as of late), then concentrate on perimeter D. I think they have a real shot at winning this series. Just keep Ford from penetrating and dishing out to their shooters and that’s half the battle. The Raps have a lot of Euro big men that like to shoot, and Bosh seems to be the only inside threat they’ve got. VC is probably gonna blow up the contract at the end of the season, so don’t think he’ll mail this one in, especially against his old team. Jefferson’s back, they’ve got Kidd running the offense, their only glaring defect is their frontcourt, but like I said, that’s mitigated to an extent by Toronto’s personnel. I think they’ve got enough to get out of the first round here, and Toronto is send packing.

#4 Miami (44-38) vs. #5 Chicago (49-32)
Man, does it suck to be the Bulls. Ya coulda been the #2 seed, man, but ya screwed it up. Now you get the defending champs in the first. Ouch. So, sidebar here, Miami’s the #4 seed, but Chicago’s got home-court. Doesn’t this technically make the Bulls the #4 seed? I find this whole seeding business highly suspect. Run them 1-8 based on record and be done with it. Back to the match-up, I don’t like teams that lose their way into the playoffs and the Bulls blew a great opportunity. For the Heat, D Wade’s kind of back (I guess he’s having knee problems now) and you know Shaq’s been waiting for the playoffs to start since January. The rest of the Heat’s roster would be a kick-ass fantasy team if this was like seven or eight years ago. Memo to Pat Riley: it's not 1998, please advise regarding your super creaky roster. Things could go south for the Heat real fast, especially if Wade opts out of the last year of his extension, which, coincidentally, is right after Shaq’s contract is up. This team could be the Grizzles inside of three years, enjoy it while it lasts, Miami. Personally, I think Riles calls it quits after this season. The Bulls? I just don’t like their team. They need a trade ASAP to get some low post scoring. When PJ Brown is your starting power forward, you’ve got problems. Ben Wallace isn’t noted for his offensive prowess either. That’s 2/3 of your starting frontcourt that don’t give you too much on the offensive end. So they’ve gotta rely a lot on jumpshots and dribble/penetration to kick it out for some 3’s to keep themselves in the game, and there are inevitably going to be some games when those shots don’t go down for you. I’m taking Miami in what could be a tight one, but I think Chicago chokes and the Heat move on.


Western Conference:

#1 Dallas (67-15) vs. #8 Golden State (42-40)
So this is an interesting match-up. The Warriors were one of two teams that I thought were going to make a nice push at the end of the season and move up to grab a spot. Nelly basically had a big hand in building and coaching that Mavs team, then he left or was forced to leave, or he quit/was fired at the same time, I’m still not sure what happened. Anyways, then he goes back to his old stomping grounds in Oakland, and now has to face his old team in the first round. Good luck, Golden State, you’re gonna need it. They’re stoked because they’re in the playoffs for the first time since ’94, but they’ve gotta be bummed they drew Dallas. I actually like the Warriors, they’ve gelled as a team since that trade, and Stephan Jackson finally looks like he’s found a home. They play Nellyball, which means they love to run and gun, but they’re going to be running into a brick wall called Dallas. This will not end well. The Warriors are a young team that needs some more time to put it together and even after that they’re still probably a couple of pieces away from contending. But you can finally see the potential, as opposed to the perceived underachieving that was happening in the previous two or three years before they dumped all of their dead weight onto the Pacers. The Mavs are the defending Western Conference champs, have the best record in the league, and if the refs hadn’t have taken over that Finals series last year, there would be a Championship banner hanging in Big D right now. I don’t care if the Warriors have won the last five match-ups, that was during the regular season, and they had the drop on the Mavs because of injuries and scheduling. There should be a massive team suicide if the Mavs don’t win this series. Mavs win, but the Warriors could steal one or two.

#2 Phoenix (61-21) vs. #7 Lakers (42-40)
[Memo to Zeke: read the whole paragraph before you start ripping me]
I'll admit it. Even after the season had started, I had already written the Suns off. Nash couldn't possibly top what he's done in the last couple of years. Diaw is out of shape. Amare's not going to be the same guy he was before microfracture surgery. Raja Bell is not a starting shooting guard. Roleplayers like Barbosa who signed phat extensions aren't going to contribute anything because they're just going to be content with getting paid. I was pretty much wrong on everything. They stumbled initially out of the gate, but went on some crazy runs and secured the number two seed. And they look scary when they're 100% healthy. They're the perfect storm; the right personnel complemented by the right coaching staff and it all comes together in the perfect style of play for their team. I think this is the year they've gotta go to the finals. The aforementioned extensions and the Banks signing is going to make it super hard for them to add any help or extend Marion's contract, especially with ownership that has already gone on record as saying they’re not willing to pay the luxury tax. Of course, I just doubted them again, so they'll probably roll through to the finals, win it all, and then be set on kill for next season just to make me look like a moron. The Lakers, well, this is the match they’ve been sayin’ they want, so you better man up and show what you can do. I think they actually match-up pretty well against the Suns when they’ve got everyone healthy and when they’re properly motivated. This is where The Zenmaster is going to earn his paycheck. He’s going to have to step it up and motivate a young team, especially when they have to go on the road in a tough venue. I wouldn’t be surprised if this goes seven, but I just really don’t see that happening. I think that the Lakers are still too young and injured to slay the giant. And the way they’ve fallen down the rankings the last month is not a good indication of where their heads are at. Suns in 6 (that’s at the very most, it could be less).

#3 San Antonio (58-24) vs. #6 Denver (45-37)
Man, I really wish the Lakers could have held the 6 spot so we would have had the top two offenses go at each other (Suns vs. Denver) in a classic ‘80s style shootout. I really wanted to see some crazy final scores like 133-129 with or without OT. That would have been awesome. Instead, we get Spurs and Nuggs. In boxing, they say styles make fights, and this one could be a really good series either way, or a really bad series either way. Denver could run the Spurs out of the gym or the Spurs could lock them down and grind this series out. Whoever imposes their will first is going to take this series. Denver was the other team that I thought would make a nice push at the end of the season, and it finally looks like they’ve got everything figured out. It was pretty much just a matter of time when you’ve got two guys like A.I. and Mello on your squad, everyone else just needs to get out of the way and then get back on D. Their record for the last couple of weeks of the season reflects all of the progress they’ve made as of late. With all that said, no one really wants to match-up against the Spurs in the first round. They’re a veteran squad, they’ve won championships, and they make you play their game. I want to take the Nuggs, but I’m going to go with the Spurs, just based on both teams past playoff performances. Denver still has to ways to go and they’re still missing guys due to injury. Spurs have the better coach/bench/vets and they’re much more consistent.

#4 Utah (51-31) vs. #5 Houston (52-30)
Much like the Miami/Chicago situation, Utar’s going to have to go on the road to pull this one out. A lot of people are including Houston in the West elite with the big three, and on paper, they actually look like they’ve got an outside chance to contend if they can just put it all together at the right time. They can match-up with just about everyone, and I’ve caught a couple of their games where they’ve just taken teams apart. They’ve got Yao back, and they somehow held down the fort when their two stars missed a massive amount of games, Jeff Van Gundy finally seems to have gotten an idea on how to coach this team, McGrady’s 0-5 in the playoffs, and I think this is finally the year he gets out of the first round. This is not going to be a pretty series though, watch it at your own risk. It’s gonna be a brutal, half-court, grind-it-out, possession-based slug fest. Houston’s too deep for the Jazz, and they can’t stop Yao, and to a lesser extent they can’t stop McGrady either. So I think Houston wins the right to get steamrolled by the Mavs in the second round.


I set up a league on NBA.com for a fantasy game that’s like a NCAA Bracket Pick ‘Em, only you also have to guess how many games each team is going to win in. Go here, make an account if you don’t already have one, create a team name, then join a league. Search for LOV and the password is: vengeance. Fill out your picks, and don’t forget about the tie-breaker. Let’s get it on!

-Tyler

My thought for the day

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

This is the recap, the recap (Space Jam Remix ft R Kelly)

crawford is done (done-done?).

thrashers got raped like a slave at a dominatrix party.

people died. somehow this is sports related, cause the wwl is following it like theyre CNN.

hoops playoffs are closing in.. theres some spots not finalized yet.. or something.

the wiz suck.

sawk suck too. spend that much paper on a guy, and u dont give him a lineup behind him.

otherstuffotherstuffotherstuff.

amuse yourselves.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Not Much To Say

The topic the media wants to discuss is the VT shootings. Well I don't have much to say on that subject. Obviously it sucks for those that got shot and it sucks for the school and it is tragic. It tragically sucks. I don't see much need to go deeper into this.

I caught some of that wolf show last night. It seemed to be OK. Some gross parts, but some parts were pretty cool. I guess the only parts I saw was him eating with the wolves and then wrestling around with them and then the narrator saying that the dude's family left him because he spent too much time with the wolves. I'll weigh in on the show whenever I actually get around to watching the whole thing. I don't want to endorse the show and then find out there is a scene where one of the male wolves mounts him to show their dominance.

NBA Playoffs start soon. Which means I will see some good basketball and about 10,000 ads for The Closer. In case nobody knows that Kyra Sedwick chick won some award. I'm sure you will hear about it. TNT, TNT, TNT. We know Drama. The Drama of the NBA on TNT, right after The Closer. Also we show Charmed and Law and Order. OK enough of that.

Hockey playoffs are in full swing, but I find myself in the same predicament as Zeke. I don't know what time they are on and that channel isn't in the rotation anyway. Zeke was spot on when he said Hockey needed to find a way to get onto some station that makes the regular rotation. ESPN2 would have worked.

Random side note: I was watching Under Siege for whatever reason this weekend on, well probably TNT, and Seagal and Tommy Lee Jones had a fight scene. But I am pretty sure they didn't film this scene together. Maybe they didn't like each other, but there really isn't a time when they are shown together. I'm probably just being crazy here, but I don't think they ever met.

I just looked at the MLB standings. The Nats are above the Phils. Poor Rev...That's why Rev, that's why.

OK well I got a late start today so I better get this shit up soon.

Have at it bee snatches.

Monday, April 16, 2007

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED????

I haven't watched enough playoff hockey, and I'm pissed. I'm the kind of NHL "fan" who rarely watches during the regular season but will watch as much playoff hockey as I can.

The main reason for me missing these games is that "versus" isn't on the regular channel rotation. By the time I remember to check the games are either over or they aren't on.

I heard Gary Betman say "we're the #1 option on versus". WTF. They shoulda stayed on ESPN even if the NHL had to pay ESPN to broadcast their games. RIP the NHL (again).

Anyway I bring this up bc I watched the opening ceremonies for Jackie Robinson Day in LA on ESPN's Sunday Night baseball. Seeing the bumbling Bud Selig is always a treat. He finds a way to fuck up everything he touches.

So Gary Betman...bad commish, Bud Selig....bad commish. Paul Tagliabue and David Stern....good commish's. (It's too early to judge Goodell)

Before you try and defend Selig save your breath. MLB is a distant 3rd if not 4th in the American sports landscape behind the NFL, NBA and NASCAR.

The NFL and NASCAR have all enjoyed sky-rocketing success in the last 10 years, with huge increases in ratings, revenue, fan attendance, etc. The NBA has at least maintained to a degree or hasn't slipped that much since the "golden years" with MJ, Magic, Bird, etc. And if you think the NBA has slipped a lot, at least they have a hard salary cap which, if managed properly, can ensure you can rebuild in a decent amount of time.

The NHL on the other hand is on life support thanks to over expansion and other bad decisions by Betman and Co.

MLB has seen increased fan attendance and is in solid fiscal standing at least from an overall league perspective. Wait for it.....BUT, there is a clear divide between the have and the have nots. Also, even with increased fan attendance the sport has slipped in the US sports landscape, is it really "America's Past Time" anymore? And I haven't even brought up the PED problem in MLB.

Watching MLB celebrate Jackie Robinson and how he changed the course of MLB and maybe even US history, I found it ironic that MLB has less black players than ever and isn't really that great off. And I'm not sure why I even wrote about this, except for the fact that seeing Bud Selig reminded me how much of a d bag he is.

Friday, April 13, 2007

She was smiling at how money I am, baby.

A sports tablet

10 years. It feels nice to get that first one. But I know it takes three more. No celebrating yet.
Rangers, Wings, Sabs, Devils all grab Game one.

The WHY NOT US campaign is back.
Nats beat Braves, hey it can happen. (Nats happen- new slogan)
Did Zumaya hit 102 on the gun or was I dreaming?
Anyone see the bonehead Devil Rays throw away a chance to win last night?
This poor kid in KC, the expectations are just too high.
Kobe nets 50 in a loss, what else is new.
Cavs get home court for round one as they thump the Nets.
Draft talk starting to heat up, seems like Oakland still is going with Russell.

News, Notes, I'm Ron Burgundy?
Is it fair to compare Martin Broduer to Mariano Rivera?

Steven A. Smith is a tool.

Stuart Scott says the "N" word is a term of endearment for some black people but whites are still not allowed to say it.

I can't say I'm done with the Imus thing but for right now, I am. He did however meet with the team anyway.

MVP race talk heating up as we come to an end of the NBA season, my vote goes to Nash.

It's Jackie Robinson weekend and for me presonally I can't get enough of that highlight of him stealing home and Yogi going nuts cuz he thought he was out.

I'm pretty sure that's all I got today.

Hi Bill, remember I'm Harry L. from LA and if you take it more than once then use Conchar B from ND. Thanks in advance you whore.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

IMUS: 'WHEN WILL SHARPTON APOLOGIZE TO DUKE PLAYERS?'

The Imus thing has my nuts twisted like a braid. I won't divulge anymore but if murder was legal Sharpton would be "Big Pussied" in a instant.

Onto better things like drunk ath-a-leets :
Josh Howard having some fun......















Casey Hampton, a big dude, cutting loose.
















Have a fucked up thursday and remember, if your thinking about killing yourself no one will miss you. Commence.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

good morning you nappy-headed, white-devil, honky-ass, slant-eyed, (insert obligatory indian dig), dirty-ass spics!

racism: dont discriminate, hate them all.

Pacman: out. Henry: half out. (i dont get what the difference is though.. (2)Pac mustve had a better rap sheet. i guess henry bangs little girls and gets away with it, but if youre implicated in a shooting that's worse... who knew. R Kelly was thinking ahead.. he just went for the publicity rather than jail time.. good call.

my take (since you care): get the f*ck out and dont touch the weight machines while youre leaving.. peace, biznitch. see ya in spring camp.. 2-thousand-eight..teeeeeeeeeeen.

speaking of people that are out.. Bonzi is done. thanks, but no thanks. i like how JVG (as some douche on the wwl called Van Gundy) comes out and says "and bonzi was JUST about to get major minutes in these last few games..." excellent exit jab. insult to injury is always a nice quality move. check ya later, headcase.

nfl schedule is out today at 1pm (eastern, ya know.. the good time zone). yippee?

the Imus thing is taking on a life of its own and its more obnoxious than eva'. (whats new) mainstream media can suck a pole. stfu.

speaking of nappy heads.. ironic that al sharpton, who probably is the nappiest-headed person around, is the one sqeaking the loudest on this issue. i think it hits too close to home. nappy ma'fugger.

im over it all. i would like to know how many rats nest in his hair though.. we'll set the over/under at a family of 4.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

And Here We Are

Well let's get some of the sports type information out of the way. Like Zeke said yesterday, y'all probably know everything I am going to write, but I'm gonna write it anyway. Mostly because I want to.

Astros demote Lidge - If you didn't see this coming you must not follow baseball at all.

The WWL says Troy Smith is a can miss Heismann winner...umm no shit.

Durant and Wright to the draft - Wright sounds like a sure thing to go, Durant is still just "reports" that he will go. He will go. For 30M$ from Nike he'd be nuts not to.

NHL Playoffs start soon. Two + months from now they will be over.

I imagine that none of that was news to you. Well TFB. You read it, you can't unread it. And for those of you who skipped to this point, well you are smarter than me.

So Durant going Pro, seems like a no-brainer. It is. But there will still be people who say you should stay in school. Umm, why? I went to college. Then I got a job. In all honesty college did very little to prepare me for my job. Ask anyone this question, they all say the same thing. I did learn a lot of useless stuff though, so I got that going for me. I also learned how to pound beer, do drugs and take advantage of drunk chicks. So really all Durant will be missing out on is those things, which I bet he already knows how to do.

The only two arguments I can imagine being remotely valid is that you need more work on your game (see Greg Oden, but he'll come out anyway) or that you are so young that you need the college atmosphere to shield you from the mistakes you will make. Well I can't argue with anyone who really needs to work on their game, if you ain't good enough then you should stay in school. But if every team says that you are the #1 or #2 pick then guess what, you are good enough. As far as the sheltering college atmosphere, well 30M$ does a lot of sheltering as well. Just ask any NBAer who has ever strolled through airport security with some weed and then found someone willing to take the blame for it.

In short, college is overrated. Especially for someone who is going to make millions playing a game. If anyone in the office starts spouting off that these kids should stay in school to get an education I am going to whip it out and piss in their face. Durant doesn't need to learn about the French Revolution or Calculus. And let's face it, he isn't taking those courses anyway. He is taking Dodgeball 404 Advanced Throwing Techiniques and Astrology 202 What's Your Sign?

OK enough of the random tem rant. Is temrant a word? I might have to get that made into a word if it isn't. Screw it, I am looking it up now. No entries found. Awesome. Now all I have to do is define it and get a bunch of people to use it. I can't think of a better place to start than here. This idea is NIT good. Fuck, it's better that that, it is Grandma good.

OK have at it bee snatches. And remember the word of the day is temrant.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

.......I've never met a nice South African

By now we now you don't come here to get your sports news or get amazing prose. I get this. I won't bore you with a weekend sports recap, as quite frankly its a waste of everyone's time.

I'll give you these quick hits, puff puff give style:

1) Tiger - can't git-r done. Zach who? wins.
2) Chico Coralles jumps up 2 weight classes and gets pummelled. As one of my fav fighters its tough to see him like this. I still don't think he's recovered from the first Castillo fight. Here's round 10 of that fight.
3) Baseball.....its still too early to get excited.

I don't want to fuck up the rotation so I'm moving on, check out the wwl if you want more.

The "begining of the end" for the Soprano's. They started a couple interesting potential plots - let's see where they end up. I think the lake house stuff was a little drawn out. I haven't seen Entourage yet so I'll reserve comment.

Anyway, onto what I wanted to talk about - political correctness. I'm sick of it. Its come to the forefront in the sports world in the last few weeks, first with Michael Ray Richards comments about Jews, then Imus's comments about Rutgers women's hoops team.

There was a pretty good uproar about Richards and how he was being anti-semitic. Personally I didn't think his comments were inflammatory, but I'm not jewish so maybe they were. David Stern, NBA Commissioner, and a jew, came to Richards defense and said the comments weren't bad. This fact was lost on the national media, as was the fact that Richards was once married to a jewish woman.

Imus - as EP pointed out Friday, called Rutgers women's team a bunch of "nappy headed ho's". Alright maybe this isn't the best thing to say on a nationally syndicated show, but its not like he dropped a "n bomb".

I'm tired of the media being irresponsible with shit like this. I'm tired of the "the sky if falling!" type reaction from the national media when someone speaks their mind. Its like swearing on tv or from ath-a-leets. When Tiger starts dropping 4 letter words the "oh my god he's cursing!" reactions sicken me. Like people don't do this every single day, or kids don't hear this in their everyday lives at school.

America needs to open its eyes and quit acting like pussies. I followed a link from the SG last week to some ipod lists of canadian ath-a-leets. I think the word "shit" was printed. My first thought was, "no way this would fly in the US". It's sad. We have all these freedoms and sometimes we act like we're still in Puritan times. Get with it people.

To roll it back up to the title of this post "I've never met a nice South African" - this is the title of a song from a group called "Spitting Image" from the 80's. Google/wiki them to get more info. Basically they were a comedy group/tv show in England that spoofed shit. This song actually made fun of white south Africans but you wouldn't know it if you didn't have the background info. Anyway, this vid-ye-o is a bit dated but its funny to me and its my post. (SFW)

Friday, April 06, 2007

Sveden girls are hot

I'm home. Why I'm awake is beyond me but that just means more xbox, more movies and more beer. And that.....dat's cool.
Going to see 300 later, may sneak into one of the double features in Grindhouse.

Let me rundown the sports

Heat clinch playoff spot with a win over Cavs
Gillepsie head coach of Kentucky.....not so sure bout that
Carr breathing down Delhomme's neck
Piazza still "got it"
Spurs beat Suns, hold them under 90 points
The jap from Boston strikes out 10, SG ran a diary
Asante Samuel wants a deal or a new jersey. What else is new?
Tiger is one over but no one played well yesterday so that means he's winning this thing by at least 5 strokes, YAWN.

In other news I want Nancy Pelosi dead.
Imus (Don Imus) called the Rutgers womens team "Nappy-Headed Ho's"

Easter = Raise up Jesus

Up yours bill

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I've got other things to do

Cards become the 3rd world series champ ever to just score 2 runs in their first 3 games.

Agent Zero is hurt.

Dodgers are all going to wear 42 for a day in honor of Jackie Robinson.

Masters start today.

Have a Happy Easter.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Back up in this ass like the rezz-uh-rek-shun

Holla, el biachos.

(This is your morning.)

Long time since the Good Father brought the noise like a kid on Xmas morn', but it's the turn of the tide and this shit is rockin' up in here again (Ed: I have no idea what any of that means). We likes to keep it hizz-ot, but we also gots ta keep it pretty real. My ass has morning meetings on Wed's, so i'll have to slightly induce labor on these posts and get this ish out the night before. Not that you care. Movin' right along...

So it's been a little lackadaisical up here on the front page lately.. not too many stories to really dredge up and beat to deff', no real significant arrests or incarcerations for any of our sports heros, no maimed white, blonde women by scary, drug riddled ath-a-leetz... nothing that "matters". Speaking of which though, these two idiots were meeting with the Commish (not Tony Scali). I would've loved to be a fly on the bullshit in that room. Commishy trying to say politically correct phrases for an hour and listen to what sounds like an episode of COPS, when he really wants to just say "f*ck mayne, just stop bein' so got'damn ghetto!" But let's hear it from Henry's side...

"It went pretty good, to have the chance to meet the commissioner face to face," Henry told The Cincinnati Enquirer. "I just wanted to explain my situation to the commissioner and move on. I told him I was learning from my mistakes and how to handle myself in a better manner."
Am I the only one who finds this statement pretty funny? A grown ass dude learning how to 'not keep acting like a f*ck up'? I don't know, it's funny and sad at the same time. Ya can't buy yourself smart, kids.

Lance Briggs might still have to keep it gangsta in Chicago. No trade yet and its not lookin' profitable. Keep it real, homie.. sit that shit out. Oh, and then try to come back for the final six just so you can technically "get your's"? Ok look douchebag, your favorite sport as a kid is now a bidness. It's what keeps the steaks on your plate and 'dat ass on your lap. You get paid to go play. This is what you do. You are rendering a service. Go grab your jersey and get the f*ck out on the field. You got franchised, so what. It still means you're making top dollar, you'll still be able to get the high class ho's and the limo's and still have enough left over for bail money... I just don't have any sympathy for this shit. You signed a contract, the contract leaves the team (ie, The Business) with the right to make this move.. sorry bitch, but grab your jock. Get out there, bitch. Go tackle and make your team proud, ya bitch. F*ckin' Spreewell Syndrome ("gotta get paiiiiiid"). I haven't even really followed this story that closely.. and I feel like SG now, ya know, making outlandish and uninformed, yet overly opinionated statements. God, I feel like a Shamhoff too! I'm a writer, Ma! (Now *I* just need to get payyyyyd! Red rocks bitches, ya-ee-ya-EE!)

But on a, um, lateral (?) note.. BeeBee (not to be confused with CeCe, she's a Winan) is officially comin' to Michigan. Go.. Blue.. ? Sad truth is though, nobody really gives a shit about Michigan hoops anymore anyways (and the shoddy recruits speak louder than words). Maybe they'll get back to having a high profile team once again, but damn, unless you get the strike of lightning again (cue the black socks) then youre gonna pull the 'rebuilding years' all over again.. again. They've basically been rebuilding since they came through.. so that was what, 1993? Bitch, this is the two-oh-seviiiiiiiiiiiiiin. Magic Johnson's kids have grown and beat AIDS themselves, and C-Webb is almost done paying back interest to loan sharks from the early days of landing himself the newest sneaks... it's a proud time in the Michigan family.

Baseballbaseballbaseball.

(This is your morning after reading "crap". Any questions?)

Have a sucky day.
The End.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

It's going to be a great day at the office

Nothing is worse than coming into the office the day after the Buckeyes win a huge game. Football season was horrible. After the Michigan win everyone and I mean everyone came out of their office and talked football. Usually I am not against talking football, but when you get people saying things like "how many yards did Clarett rush for?" and "Troy Smith should be the number one pick." you just go crazy. Those days are by far the worst. You can't come out and tell everyone they are idiots because it is one against forty. Also calling your bosses idiots is hardly ever a good idea. Those are the days that you just plug in your headphones and hope nobody asks you questions. Of course that never works and you have to answer the "so did you watch the game?" question at least 100 times...Which is funny because there are only forty people in the office.

On the flip side of this is the day after the Buckeyes lose a big game. The fair weather fans stay in their offices and keep their mouths shut. The really big fans keep their mouths shut because they know they have nothing to cheer for. Not that second place isn't a good accomplishment, but it is the kind of accomplishment that is good one year from now. When you can say this team played for the championship last year. Right now, second place is the only loser. Who lost last? Ohio State. Anyway, I am going off on a tangent here, so let's reel it back in. So, the fair weather fans are shut in and the big fans shut up. The knowledgeable fans will talk about the game throughout the day, but they are always down about it, which keeps them subdued. Overall the office is quiet and everyone is a bit sad. Everyone but me. As a stranger in a strange land I get to impose my will on everyone here. On a day like today the masses in Columbus have no desire to fight me on anything. So when I go to BW2s today for lunch I will get free cheese on my wedges, I will order water and get pop from the machine (we say pop in the midwest, replace this word with soda or coke if you like IDGAF), I might even order a beer at lunch and blame it on the big loss, the possibilities are endless. The entire day will be like that. It will be a great day.

And if writing this jinxes it I am going to go apeshit on someone.

As for the game itself I don't have much to say here. I am sure we will chit chat about it in the comments.

As for other stuff that happened baseball had its opening day. Well I guess Sunday was, but I'm counting monday as the true opening day. Anyway, some good games, some bad games. It is hard to recap baseball because there are so many games and so many teams. I can understand why people do highlights and lowlights each day. That's not my style. What I remember from yesterday was that Contreas (however that is spelled) pitched about like I would and Sheets pitched like a true Ace. Dunn hit two homeruns and the players on my fantasy team went 3 for about 40 or something ridiculous like that.

Also I'm going to throw this out there. I had this big plan of titling my post "What's that spell?" and then have the first letter of every sentence spell out "Operation Creampie at 1pm." Then I decided against it. Op CP (which is an odd name to say the least) should happen when it is least expected. It is expected now. Plus DS pulled in second place in the pick em pool which is a good showing. So I say let's let him celebrate. Because when he is out celebrating it leaves his wife open for some serious plowing. I read about the happy moose and am anxious to try it.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino