I'm Your Huckleberry

Brutus : Timmy, it's like our first date all over again!

Timmy : WTF are you talking about?

Brutus : Florida vs OSU, this time for the hoops title!

Timmy : Oh yeah, I guess it is. The end result will be the same I bet.

B : Well, my team is pretty good, they've won 22 in a row.

T : Yeah just like your football team won all those games in a row, remember, they beat "mighty" Michigan.

B : Our football team was a fraud, as was Michigan's.

T : True dat. Your ass still hasn't stopped bleeding from that beatdown.

B : My ass really does hurt. But we have great guard play and Greg Oden is a beast.

T : Yeah well, my team can do it all, inside and outside.

B : They are talented, but that Noah guy is a fag.

T : What? He's one of our best players.

B : Well he screams after every play, and what's up with that hair?

T : Watch your mouth Brutus.

B : Ok, sorry Timmy.

Timmy : No problem, but after the Gators beat you down in football I thought you learned your lesson.

B : Today is a new day! Anyone can win!

T : You sound like a real fag there Brutus, like Dook Vitale when he's screaming about sorry ass Dook.

B : I like Dook Vitale. And I think our team has a really good chance. Your team is well coached and has a lot of experience, but the Buckeyes can do it!

T : Did you forget the 26 point ass kicking the Gators put on your team earlier this season?

B : No I remember. *pissing pants*

T : Exactly B, but damn don't piss your pants. You're lucky its warm down here or there'd be piss ice everywhere. Florida will win 72 to 60.

B : I'm scared for my team, hold me Timmy.

T : I always do B.

Chazz Michael Michaels

Since Opening Day is Sunday allow me break a few things down......

NL EAST
Mets 93-69 : I'm a homer
Braves 91-71 : They're bbbaaaacccckkk
Phillies 82-80 : Why not us? : Cause our bullpen blows
Nationals 65-97 : Just awful baseball in DC this year

NL Central
Astros 91-71 : Clemens you whore!
Reds 86-76 : Surprise!
Cardinals 80-82 : World Series hangover
Cubs 79-83 : Look out for the Cubbies in 08' (chuckle)
Brewers 74-88 : I got nothing other than the Sausage races.
Pirates 69-93 : Um, nice park though....

NL West
Giants 89-73 : The Bochy factor
Dodgers 88-74 : So close yet so far, hahahahaha, fuck the Dodgers
Diamondbacks 80-82 : The 2006 Marlins of this year
Padres 78-84 : The Bochy ex-factor
Rockies 71-91 : Not good when you lose most of your home games

AL East
Yankees 100-82 : Arod. MVP.
Blue Jays 92-70 : Division winner but not really
Red Sox 90-72 : No one cares anymore, Hi Bill!
Orioles 74-88 : Talk about up shit's creek
Devil Rays 65-97 : Life sucks for a Devil Ray.

Al Central
Tigers 102-60 : Pitching. Loaded.
Twins 99-63 : Cy Johan.
Indians 90-72 : 1 little, 2 little, 3 little Indians..... almost crash the party
White Sox 82-80 : What's the matter, no one loves Ozzie anymore?
Royals 63-99 : Kill yourself.

AL West
Angels 90-72 : Scioscia is fat
Rangers 88-74 : Buck not there, they win.
A's 78-84 : Moneyball's
Mariners 70-92 : Will Ichiro be gone by July?

Wild Card : Braves, Twins

Long story short Mets win everything. Why? Because I wrote it.
If this were Rev he'd say Why not us? If it were freak he'd say Cubs.

Wrestlemania 23 this weekend. They are always worth the $35.99.

GTOWN!!!!!-- i got them to win it all, can't back down now.
Haven't figured out UCLA/FL game yet. Leaning towards taking the points..which is UCLA +3.5
It frightens me that everyone is taking Florida.....

Entertaining game last night between Suns and Warriors

Hey Bill, enough is enough already!

Crayons can melt on us for all I care

A brilliant 10-second masterpiece. "Crayons can melt on us for all I care", that is.

I really wish I had something, anything to bring to the table. But alas, I do not. I was actually just about to go to sleep, and though, oh crap, I have to write some drivel.

So drivel you will get.

There has been an influx in soccer on television, or so it seems. So I've watched 3 games in the last 5 days. US played well against Ecuador on Sunday. Landon Donovan got a hat trick, and they were all pretty spectacular goals. They played again last night against Guatemala and apparently forgot how to play offense. The Guaties just left 10 in their third of the field. US crosses were all over the place. Just bad play all around. Ended up a 0-0 tie. I also watched some English premier league action but I forget what happened. It was also, shockingly, a scoreless tie.

And I realize that once most of you saw the word soccer in the last paragraph, you will have skipped it. But it's the only thing I can think of on this day between things that actually happen.

Almost forgot the "scandal" involving Serena Williams. She claims someone was heckling her and it hurt her feelings or something. If you listen to the clip of her whining to the judge you'll want to puke on yourself. "Mommy, Mommy, they aren't being nice to me!" You make millions of dollars, shut your trap you thundercunt.

One last thing, early reports say that Goodell is considering suspending Pacman Jones for all of next season. Same goes for Chris Henry and Tank Johnson. It'll be interesting to see where this whole conduct clean-up thing ends up.


And I said I'd stop posting vids, but this one is just too good to pass up. It's Sad Kermit's rendition of "Hurt".

Last posting for a while

You all know by now that as of next week, I am starting a new job. And with the new job comes new responsibilities, new rules, and restrictions.

Honestly, I don't know what the new rules are. I don't know what the restrictions will be if anything. But I do know that for the first couple of months, I will be in a classroom type setting training for the new job. That will make it hard to be around here during the day.

So, I gotta find a Wednesday replacement for the LOV posting. You demand posts in a timely manner, and I can't give them to you for a while.

I do wish to nominate a candidate.

The good Father Hate has returned to us on a regular basis. So Father, if you would like to resume your old role as contributor to take over the Wednesday slot next week, I think we would enjoy that. I would need to invite you through your e-mail. So you decide whether or not you want to send it to me.

I nominate Father Hate first only because he was an original and I think he deserves first crack. However, if he does not want it, it will be open to all.

So really, does this mean I am leaving LOV?

I'm not leaving for good. In fact, I would like to keep my name on the contributor list. Though I won't post during the week, I could contribute something extra for us on the weekend occasionally. And I plan on checking in often after work. So you will still see me around at night when you're all good and drunk.

And who knows... if I get a chance on lunch breaks or if they aren't as restrictive, you may see me back more often eventually.

So I'm not retiring, I'm just changing my role. You ain't getting rid of me that easily.

And I trust all of you to keep LOV going strong. I mean, this Friday will be post #200. Not too shabby for a blog that some only thought would be around a couple of weeks in the beginning. This must continue on to post #300 and beyond.

As far as any sports stuff to talk about, well it really doesn't get that interesting until the weekend and next week. I mean, next week is only the greatest week in sports in my mind, with the NCAA Finals, baseball opening day, and the Masters all happening within a week. You can't beat that.

This week... eh, not so much happening.

So I'll leave it at this for now. See you on the comments.

And oh by the way... first commenter today gets a box of Tastykakes.

For real.

Seeing what sticks

First of all, from the comments yesterday: the Columbus Brewing Company throws out some pretty good beers. My favorite is the Ohio Honey Wheat.

Second, everyone needs to remember that the NIT semi-finals are tonight. What nobody cares?? I care dammit! WVU is playing. Apparently they are 1.5pt dogs tonight. The homer in me says take WVU because they’ve played in this venue before and they are good. Well NIT good. The realist in me says take Ms. State because WVU chokes a lot. El Pad might have some insight.

Speaking of NIT good, I think I am going to start using that phrase around the office and at home. “How was lunch?” “Hmm, it was NIT good, we had Chipolte, but the damn Mexicans there always skimp on the meat for me.” Or after nailing a fat and/or ugly chick after getting hammered "was it good?" "umm it was NIT good. You know, it wasn't the big dance, but it was nice to be at least playing in the post season."

Going back to Chipolte: I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with this place, but I am just going to assume that all of you are. Anyway, they load up the burritos for the chicks. If you are a girl you are getting some serious burrito action. Guys get screwed. So, from now on I am having a girl order my burrito for me. I’m tired of getting fucked at Chipolte.

On the NFL trade rumor front Lance Briggs might be going to the Skins. Although you gotta take that with a grain of salt because it was his agent who leaked the story. Agents seem to be slimly little lizard men who make way too much money.

Oh and while I am thinking about it, add that chick from the commercials for Right Guard’s version of AXE to the unspeakable list. I spent about 1 minute trying to figure out how to smoothly put this in here, but then decided to just throw it out there. Basically this entire post is just throwing shit against a wall and seeing what sticks.

Bowling yesterday was a disaster adding further support for “hot chicks are needed around me for me to bowl well” theory. Although I did need to expand it to “hot chicks who aren’t wearing sweatsuits are needed….” We played the team with the smokin’ hot chick, but sure enough she shows up in a sweatsuit. One about 5 sizes too big. It was depressing and I bowled like crap. On the upside I did get to see a guy bowl 9 strikes in a row to start the game only to leave the 10 pin on his 10th frame ball.

Well that should do it for today. Have at it bee snatches.

Weekend Recap

It's the return of....

HOYA PARA-NOY-A!

What we've got left :

FLA vs UCLA - a rematch of last years title game.

OSU vs G'Town - Battle of the Bigs : Oden vs Hibbert.

I hope ya'll saw the end of the DII title game between Winona St and Barton. With Barton scoring 10 pts in the final 39 seconds to win it. Here's the vid-ye-o of the final few minutes.

Tiger won again - I didn't watch much of this and its getting to the point where I'm gonna start DVR'ing golf when Tiger is in contention. He's like MJ - you don't want to miss when he's in contention. He's the best of all time.

Kyle Busch won the NASCAR race, holding of Jeff Burton and Jeff Gordon on the final laps. The Car of Tomorrow received mixed reviews but it was a pretty entertaining race. Say what you will about NASCAR, but the Bristol races are always fun to watch.

I found this interesting. With the amount of money these guys make, if they got their shit together they could buy the whole league.

Good Luck on a Monday.

There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils AT Medieval Times

Is it normal that I changed all my work passwords to MADNESS? Pretty good games last night. Tenn up 20, O State charging back. Memphis and A&M in a dogfight. UCLA handling bizness and Kansas squeaking by SIL. Some thoughts.

Acie Law missing a huge layup on a nice touchdown pass.
Oden doing nothing in what was almost his last collegiate game (the block at the end wasn't speacial)
Kansas was really more lucky than anything.
Tenn shooting lights out. Except from the FT line.
Memphis showing guts, going into a road game atmosphere, holding it down and hitting key free throws.

Onto tonights action as I see it:

Well since only one favorite covered last night (UCLA) you would be hard pressed not to take the huge amount of points being thrown around tonight.
For once Vegas has no clue what it's doing. Tourney time is a different animal.

I'll take USC +9 over UNC-- with UNC making a late 2nd half run to win 84-80.

Give me those +3.5 points for UNLV, the only low seed left to BEAT OREGON and advance 81-78.

Florida-- you can look at this two ways:
1. They will play superior perimeter defense and force Butler to drive the basket in which case they will blow them out by 20 or more.
2. They don't play perimeter defense that good and Butler hangs around to scare the Gators.
Either way Florida wins, it's a matter of do I want the points or not. Well I do.
Florida wins 78-74 with Butler getting 11 points.

Gtown, your eventual National Champion.
Lay the 8 points. Vandy has not shot to beat this team. It has three things that are immeasurable in this tourney.
1. Big men
2. Gaurds that can shoot
3. Excellent defense
It's a wrap, this is your best bet. Gtown wins 77-63.

Other notables, Kobe becomes third player to drop 50+ in three straight games
Wipty-fucking-doo

Hi Bill.

Blah

blah blah blah march madness blah blah blah spring training blah blah blah nba stretch run blah blah blah car of tomorrow blah blah blah nfl draft blah blah blah

The homestretch for me...

So today, not only do I get to hopefully close on the house, I also get to begin training a replacement for me at the soon to be old job. I got a busy day ahead. So let me pop up early hotness.

- I see the Redskins traded Adam Archuleta to the Bears for a 6th round pick. I think our Redskins contingent here might call that addition by subtraction. Am I right?

- On my football team of choice, Andy Reid returns to work with the Eagles today. And honestly, there really isn't much to add there. That story died out a little bit around these parts. I'm sure it will resurrect when the kid goes to trial.

- And now in Seattle, Jerramy Stevens' days are numbered according to the GM. This affects us how? Well, now we have one less option for backup TE in FFBL drafts. I'm serious... that position is a bitch to draft for if you're in a league where you have to draft a backup TE according to the rules.

Ah, who am I kidding. That story is a serious IDGAF. I'm reaching here I admit.

- Suns are officially a division champ. No surprise there. And the Bobcats got a feather in their cap by stopping the Cavs 8 game winning streak. Now the Cavs have to play Dallas tonight. Either the Cavs will be dog tired from playing OT on the road last night, or they will come out with something to prove.

Me, I'm voting for dog tired. I wouldn't want to play Dallas after going through a game like that the night before.

That's all I got. I'll try to pop in time to tome today. And since Tem didn't say it yesterday, have at it bee snatches!

Springtime Delights

It's a very busy sports time of year, but yet there seems to be nothing to write about. I suspect that is because our comments section pretty much covers everything. But, I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm gonna write about whatever the hell I want to write about. Of course I'm not exactly sure what that is, so we'll just have to see where this takes us.

The WWL says Ohio State is the 13th best out of the sweet 16. Or at least playing like the 13th best. That has people in this town up in arms, they seriously might march on Bristol. It is quite funny to hear people from Ohio State complaining that ESPN "never gives them any respect." As a sports fan visitor in this land I find this highly amusing. It's fun to counter with "well the ESPN coaches poll has them ranked #1 but you are right, they don't give you enough respect." That really angers the Buckeye faithful. Of course the big boss is a Buckeye faithful so the response to him is "yeah, hopefully the team gets fired up and goes all the way." There is a fine line between being a yes man for the boss and having your own opinion, but I learned long ago that when it comes to the Buckeyes you should go for the "yes man" approach. It helps keep that paycheck coming in.

Random side note: Don't forget about part 2 of Rev's 5 part series on his drive from Philly to Boston.

In news that I could have figured out for myself, 11 pro wrestlers have been tied to this whole pharmacy/steroids investigation. I don't really think there will be an uproar over this. Who can really get mad that the participants in fake fights use 'roids? I suspect the Water Boy would be devastated to know that Captain Insano used some performance enhancers, but I'm pretty sure the uproar ends there.

Random side note 2: I've seen a version of the "I'm shocked David Wells has diabetes" joke in at least 6 places already. Of course I heard it here first. LOV; where obvious jokes get made first.

Bernie Mac has a chat today on ESPN.com at 2pm. Something tells me that he will be a very poor typist. I suspect he answers 4 questions and leaves. And not 4 questions Walton style where he types 5 paragraphs for each answer. He will answer them Stuart Scott style with one liners that took him 10 minutes to type. Just a hunch. I could be wrong.

OK since I have the power to end this, I think I will...right now.

Weekend Recap

Let's get things started with NASCAR.

The race was down in ATL yesterday, Jimmie Johnson wins his second race in a row. It was a pretty good race, up next : Bristol. The COT will debut in Bristol so that will definitely be something to keep an eye on. Mark Martin continues to lead in points but is sticking with his plan to run a partial schedule. I'm not sure what his complete schedule is, but with the Chase now expanded to the top 12 in points, he still just might qualify although that is a long shot.

Golf - Vijay Singh won yesterday, although since Tiger was never in contention I never really paid attention, also golf was about 41st on the priority watching list yesterday. Moving on.

Juan Manuel Marquez beats MAB in a unanimous decision. I didn't order the fight and will catch the replay on HBO this weekend coming up. Say what you will about boxing, but the lower weight classes have great fighters and are always making great fights.

Niba - Kobe notches back-to-back 50 point games. Stu Scott's lazy eye popped out of his head with happiness. For as great a player as Kobe is, he doesn't make his teammates better. But outside of Odom the Lakers don't have much, I mean, how much better can anyone make Kwame Brown?

Also - the Celts got slapped with a $30k fine for "excessive" contact with Kevin Durants family. I wonder if Ainge axed Durant's mom for hand relief from his Durant boner.

TOURNEY TIME

Saturday had a ton of good games which helped invigorate a rather bland tourney. Chalk was ruling the day mostly. Wisconsin bows out rather unspectacularly. Their coach is what 85 yrs old? Wisconsin...gotta go gotta go. Feel free to discuss the action further in the comments as I don't feel like recapping every last highlight, game, play, etc. Personally, I think on Oden's fifth foul he should have been called for an intentional foul - which probably would have completely iced the game for Xavier. Nevertheless, OSU made a great comeback. Oden keeps giving me reasons to think he's no where near the undisputed #1 prospect.

The First Annual LOV Fantasy MLB draft was also held yesterday. It went quicker than most thought. I haven't even had a chance to look at everyone's team. There were some interesting early selections, but overall I think there are some good teams. I love my team, Cory Lidle Airways, a solid all-around team. And if anyone is looking for some decent middle releivers, please glance at my team and make me a trade offer. I'm looking for a SP, 2B or SS.

LOV Tourney Bracket :

Top 5:

1) ihitthebottomoftherimonalayup - 56 Pts.
2) Dr. Jellyfinger(wag) - 52
3) Millsian Supreme - 550
4) Don't get beat by a chick! - 49
4) Let EA's Puppies Breath - 49
4) ebntx - 49

Bottom 5 :

21 dontallowmetointroducemyself - 37
22 Sports Ho's Picks - 36
22 Drexel Got Screwed - 36
22 Piss Ice All Stars - 36
22 BRINGDAMUFUGGINRUCKUS - 36

LOV Movie Review

I got a chance to see 300 this weekend. Not bad, its a very entertaining movie. It was very well done, and the special effects weren't over the top. The fighting scenes were pretty brutal but still flowed with the movie. It had everything a movie goer would want in a movie : gratuitous violence, a good story and boobies. Overall I'd give it 4 out of 5 Prince Chills.

Please adhere to the LOV rules for work on a Monday.

Best Regards,

Mgmt.

DRAFT DAY

Just a general FYI the FMLB draft will take place Sunday 1:30 PM, 10:30 PST.

This is why I'm hot

I'll jump right into it because a day like today is more suited for the comments.....

Here's what I got riding dirty today :

Long Beach State +7.5
UNLV +2.5
Zona -3
Nevada -2
LBS/Ten over 171
Oregon / Miami Ohio over 122
Memphis -10 for 1st Half
Va Tech -3

Yesterday I did very well. 3 up, 3 down in the day but killed the nightcap hitting Pitt (1st half and game), UCLA/O.State 1st half reverse bet, and with a little assist from Freak Eastern Kentucky. Holla.

As far as a mini recap of yesterday it went kind of as expected. Higher seeds rolled except for the Dookies. No Old D run, no Oral Bob, no real threats. Today, who knows. It seems like Winthrop is getting alot of attention. Hope not though, I have ND going pretty far.

Ho hum, Lakers stink. Shaq is still dangerously effective. And Spurs hiccup in Milwaukee.

One quick thing before I commence, I was listening to Mike and the Mad Dog on the way home and they were reading Bill Simmon's running diary on air. Not the whole thing, just some parts they thought were funny. AND THEY FUCKING LOVED IT. Mad Dog was laughing so hard at one point I thought he was going to have a seizure. Really. Francesca was like, "wow this guy is really funny". Don't be surprised if one day Billy boy gets on that show.

Hi Bill.

Oden dry humping a hot slut on campus

Spiders suck

So Wednesday was eventful.

Found myself in a pool hall shooting an instructional video on pool with the Black Widow. She was awesome. Played 15 games of 8 and 9 ball and didn’t lose a single one. Best moment of the day was when she decided to taunt her opponent. Dude was lining up his shot, she came over to him, chalked up in his face, and as he’s leaning over, she reaches over his body and lays the chalk on the other side of him. Completely psyched the dude out. He didn’t make another ball that game.

So right after wrapping there I headed off to Crap at Conseco aka the Pacers vs, Wizards game. Pacers were down 10 going into the fourth, cut it down to 5 within a minute, then decided to piss all over themselves. It was great, the offensive scheme for the last 10 minutes was throw the ball down to JO and see if he could score/get fouled while being double teamed.

Danny Granger’s 30 seconds from hell. Inbounds the ball to the other team, easy dunk. Gets the next inbound, dribbles it to half court, fumbles it around, loses it and barely gets it back. Decides that it would be great to jack up a three. Airball. He goes back on defense, fouls and gets dunked on by Agent Zero. It was quite a feat.

GA is absolutely money from three. Dude missed maybe one all night.


So…there’s like this tournament thing going on? I think it’s of some importance. I need to fill out my brackets.

Video time is taking a hiatus/early retirement. It’s just not getting the play necessary. More approval points needed.

Early Wednesday hotness...

Actually for many of you, this would be Tuesday night hotness. I'm getting it out early cause I'll be out of commission for a lot of Wednesday. Apparently the bigwigs want to visit the station and say goodbye to me, and have meetings about the future of the station without me. And they want to buy lunch and dinner. Can't complain about that.

So some quick stories for you to chew on...

- Niagara gets the play in win. No surprise. Enjoy your date with Kansas.

Anyone think Niagara can upset Kansas? Knowing Kansas' recent history, does it sound out of the question?

Actually, it probably is. Forget I brought it up.

- In a non-sports story...

101 year old woman mugged in NYC

This apparently has the entire city up in arms to catch this douchebag who robbed the old lady for $33 bucks in her apartment.

I have a solution.

ElPadrino... get some of your boys together and find this punk. Beat him down like you own him. I know we can count on you.

- So the Pittsburgh Penguins will stay in Pittsburgh.

Do you care?

- By Michael Jordan in effect making Bernie Bickerstaff a lame duck coach now, I think he's trying to ensure his team tanks for lottery ball position. Which goes completely against everything Jordan stood for as a player.

So he wants to bring in his selection for coach next year, whomever that is. I have a guess.

Ladies and gentlemen... the head coach of the 2007-2008 Charlotte Bobcats... Charles Oakley.

That's all I got. Last day of real work before the Madness begins tomorrow and productivity in America drops 79%.

Short and Sweet

I'd write alot about the NCAA tourney, but the fact is that many people know more about it than I do, so there would be no value added by my comments. So talk amongst yourselves on this matter. You already are anyway. For the record I like Illinois to do some damage in this thing. I don't think they will win it, but I wouldn't be suprised to see them in the Elite 8. My biggest tip for this thing is to take note of which teams play gimmick defenses. They do well in the round of 32, assuming they get there. If team A hasn't seen the gimmick defense (like the 1-3-1, etc) and team B is well versed in it, then team B gets a huge edge, even if it is a big underdog.

During this time of year, other news is exactly that, other news and not worth talking about. Even if it does involve a female basketball coach nailing one of her female players or some NBA games with playoff implications, or some tennis dude losing. So screw the other news and talk about the Big Dance. Fill those brackets out and when you get beat by a big douchebag just remember that even big douchebags need a moment in the sun.

Let the quest for 1,000 comments begin.

FYI.....

We're at Creampies.

THIS IS.... SPARTA!!!

Movie fans don't forget this hotness jumps off today..........

Championship week in full effect like Das Efx...

OT was the name of the game last night

USC over Stanford, that kid has got cojones.

Louisville over WVU (who sorry tem but with a non conference sked ranked 275, your done, have a good time winning the NIT)

UCLA losing to CALI (still a 1 seed unless FLA and NC win thier tourney's)--Affalo step up son, the world is watching.

DOOOOK crapping the bed to NC State.....exceeeeelent bball last night and Durant wasn't even involved in any way.

GTECH losing in double OT to a bad Wake Team.

Can't wait for more, I got a fever...and the only prescription is more college bball.

Spurs win 11th straight, ho hum.

The Isles Simon should be suspended for the rest of the year for his hit last night on Hollweg. A double fisted stick shot to the grill is assault. Homo.

NC, Ohio State get us started today along with Kansas & Kentucky. Potential game of the night Louisville and Pitt or Notre Dame / Gtown. Watch the A$M game too, cuz Law IV is neo nasty.

Selection Sunday is on Sunday.

Hi Bill.

Screw the internets

I’ve never had internet this bad. It was better when I was on dial-up. This is ridiculous. Dumb internet is why it’s taken so long to post this. I haven’t been able to get on for the past four hours.

So…um…what the hell’s happening in sports? I seriously have nothing. I know it’s championship week. And spring training. And the stretch run in basketball. And NFL free agency. But to tell you what’s happening in each…no freaking clue.

Only thing I know is the Pacers suck now, because they show that on the local news. 6 straight losses.

I swear to God I might kill this internet connection. I can’t even get on. I’m writing this in Word. I have restarted 3 times thinking, maybe this will help and it hasn’t. And now the network has disappeared. I can’t even attempt to get on.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m going crazy.

No video. If I can’t watch it, no one else can.

Go screw yourselves.

Happy belated birthday Shaq

So Shaq is 35 now as of yesterday. Unbelievable.

It's always hard for me to fathom this, but I'm exactly two months older than Shaq. So if people start calling him too old, that means I'm getting old.

What else do Shaq and I have in common?

Well, we both weigh pretty much the same. Only problem is I'm 6'2". It looks different on a 6'2" frame than it does on a 7'1" frame. It also looks different when it's mainly muscle.

We have pretty much the same lifetime free throw percentage. But when I played intramural ball in my college days, I only went to the line once. I hit one of two.

We both like a good cigar. The pic on the front page of the WWL proves that. But I'm sure he's getting those really good Cubans down in Miami while I extol the virtues of the $2.30 Padron Londres. But I'm telling you, that's a really good smoke for the price.

ESPN called him "a bigger, more powerful reincarnation of Wilt." People often call me "a bigger, more powerful reincarnation of John Candy." I call that pretty much even.

I always liked Shaq. I know there are many Shaq haters. But I'm not one of them.

On to a few more things...

- George Karl is thinking of benching Carmelo Anthony.

Boy, AI's presence has really sparked that team, eh?

If you had told me that a team with Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson would be 15-20 in their last 35 games, and that the Sixers without AI would be 12-9 in their last 21 games, I'd think you were crazy.

I'd think you were even crazier if the guy who gets in the doghouse on that team would be Anthony.

And while we are on the subject, the Sixers are looking to be just good enough to maybe draft Joaquim Noah if they are lucky.

Who needs Kevin Durant anyway? Yeesh!

- In another Denver related item, the Broncos snag Daniel Graham for 6 years and $30 million.

OK, maybe Graham is a decent enough tight end. Maybe you don't need huge offensive output from your tight end in the long run. But really... the Broncos just paid for a guy who has not played 16 games in a season once in his career. His highest yardage output is 409 yards. Last year, he only got 235 yards and 2 TD's.

Maybe you can argue that he did it in a Pats offense where they spread the ball and Ben Watson was also a factor. I get that. I just think that's a really high number for a tight end who isn't named Gonzalez, Gates, or Shockey.

I have a feeling the Broncos are going to regret that signing in the end.

- So the sheriff reports released yesterday say that Ron Ron Artest slapped and grabbed a woman which led to his arrest on Monday.

Well don't worry Ron Ron... you can rebound from this and still have your career.

Just ask Brett Myers. It was a piece of cake for him.

Oh, to be an obscenely rich athlete where the rules are completely different for you.

- One last thing...

Article on James "Whitey" Bulger.

Even though The Departed was based on a film from Hong Kong, Jack's character was loosely based on this guy. And some people in South Boston where he reigned supreme don't like it. Pretty interesting and gritty article.

That's all I got today, bitchcakes!

Hot Chicks Help Me Bowl

So here I am at work and I can either go help a fellow employee out and explain something about capital accounts or type my daily post. Really, there is no choice. Hail to the blog!

Anyway, yesterday I learned that I can't bowl unless there are hot chicks near me bowling. Yesterday I threw a dismal 103 and 123. We were bowling a bunch of dudes and we were surrounded by all the team of retarded people, the fat chick team and some other dude teams. The teams with the hot chicks were very far away. I was saddened and no amount of beer could make me bowl better. I came to the conclusion that this is why football teams have cheerleaders, because men perform better when there are hot chicks nearby.

NFL free agency signing is off the hook crazy. All sorts of players going everywhere. It will settle down in about 10 days, but it's been crazy so far. The Patriots must be pissed that they lost because they are going hard core after some name players. I am sure a certain "famous enough to get into a celeb go-kart race" sports writer will write an opinion on this. So I'll save my comments for my diary of said writer. I don't have enough material to waste any here. Remember, D-.

Some teams have locked themselves into the NCAA, but I doubt this is news to anyone. I think knowing your audience is a key to D- writing and I know that telling you who is in already is pointless. You already know. So instead I will talk about the Big East tourney. I am sure most of my predictions will be wrong, but I'm going to make some anyway. Also I am a total WVU homer and have them going about 2 or 3 rounds too far, but IDGAF:

Round 1:
Nova over Depaul
Cuse over UConn
WVU over Providence
Marquette over St. Johns

Round 2:
G'Town over Nova
Cuse over Notre Dumb
WVU over Louisville
Pitt over Marquette

Round 3:
G'Town over Cuse
WVU over Pitt

Round 4:
G'Town over WVU

OK that's enough of that, have at it bee snatches.

but dat ain't poppin, ain't no stoppin, fo hoppin ass droppin.....coupe de ville...my truth can kill..

....foo I got skillz...so, back on 'fo I check dat chin...

Weekend Recap

I didn't watch a ton of sports this weekend, prob watched boxing more than anything, highlighted by Edison Miranda beating down Allan Green - nice fight.

What else we got?

A handful of Tourney spots have been handed out with Championship Week starting to pick up steam.

UNC beat down Dook...again. Didn't watch a minute as I got what I needed out of Dook already. I did see the end of game highlights. I hope they meet again in the ACC tourney.

Michael Redd 52, Ben Gordon 48.....Miliwaukay L. Sorry Meiz.


.....down for whateva and I'm full of hin......

NASCAR Busch racing was in Meh-hee-co yesterday. Juan Pablo Montoya wins, notable only because he spun out his teammate to take the lead. HA.

David Beckham apparently hurt his knee , possibly seriously. AHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHA let's hope that MLS contract has insurance.

Mrs. Brady Quinn, MD. worked out for NFL scouts at the ND pro day. Reports say he looked pretty good. No word on how he did in the baking part of the workout.

NFL free agency is off to a solid start. Guards seem to be cleaning up with 7 years and 49 mil being the baseline for anyone who's half way decent.

Monday's WTF of the day:

ESPN endlessly promoting NASCAR and Arena football. I know why they're doing it but damn enough already. I don't mind the NASCAR promotions so much because I'm a fan but if you weren't a fan I could see you wanting to blow your brains out. WTF ESPN, give us a break.

I remember growing up (damn, I'm not old enough to type shit like that, anyway), growing up, I used to be glued to the TV every night for the 6 o'clock Sportscenter. Nowadays, you can catch any of the 43 SC replays or go online to get the sports news or go to any of the other 18 ESPN channels to get up to the minute info. Makes me wonder what ESPN will be like in 10 years.

Feel free to fill in the blanks with anything I missed.

And oh yeah DSteve, time to pay the piper mayne. Your name for Monday will be the new classic "Zeke Fucks My Mom" and hook up the SFW Harry Potter pic on my blog. I will advise for changes as I think of them. And your 7 day name/pic change starts with your first post. GOOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOOOOK!

......you gets no LOV and I thought cho knew it....foo you know how we do it.

Car Wars

Sad start to the morning

Moment of silence....................

Bron Bron had three chances to put a stop to the illness that is the Mavericks but he could not hit a pair of free throws and two open three pointers. So onto a nother 14 game winning streak .
I'd like to fast forward if I may to June for the Suns @ Mavericks Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Barring injuries this has to happen.

Portland was up by 46 at one point on Charlotte. Way to make MJ proud guys.
Seattle wins in one of the most boring games I've ever wtinessed.

ACC champs, can you say VIRGINIA!!! A win over Wake on Saturday and not Duke, not NC but Virginia wins the ACC. Which brings up a point about conference tourney's.....are they necessary? don't get me wrong I love them and enjoy them but.......it's something to discuss in the comments.

Showdown Saturday with Kansas facing those damn Longhorns. I'm guessing Kansas wins but it will be a hell of a game and I won't be shocked if Texas wins. Kansas is deep but those freshmon for the Horns are nasty and fearless.

Joe Horn upset over his cut.....I can see it, the guy gave his heart and soul to that city after Katrina. There is no more loyalty in the NFL, been like that for awhile now.

Raiders looking to sign Garcia (37 and gay) instead of taking Jamarcus Russell. Wise choice (toungue in cheek). However, I will say this. If they plan on doing this here is how I would go about it. Sign Garcia, 2 year deal. Draft either one of the top three, Calvin Johnson, Joe Thomas or Adrian Peterson (I'd draft Calvin) then for your 2nd or 3rd round pick (watch the board) you take a Drew Stanton or Kevin Kolb. And to round out your draft, since your defense is pretty good, you keep looking for offensive help. Grab a OL or two, snatch up Kenny Irons or a Selvin Young. I could fix this team in a minute. I love drafts and can't wait to rock a mock one for LOV.

Today's mission if you choose to accept it. Ignore Clemens talk. He's a whore.

I saw the making of 300 on HBO last night. Fucking stoked. In fact the day it comes out, I'm thinking about coming to work dressed as a Spartan. Today I will be known as King Leonidas.

Hi Bill.

Sucky McSuck Suck Suck!

This is like the worst dog sitting ever. When the dog is outside, it likes to play a game. The game is that she will walk up to the door, scratch to get in, and when you open up the door for her to come in, she will run away. Stupidest thing I have ever seen. I have half a mind just to leave her out there, but it’s kind of cold, and I don’t want to be cruel.

Not to mention that they don’t have ESPN. This is a crime.

I said I would talk about the job I did with NBA Entertainment. It’s semi-sports related.

The premise is that NBA players from different cities give back to their community by renovating local Boys and Girls clubs. Jermaine O’Neal is doing it for Indianapolis. They also are renovating places in Houston, New Orleans and Oklahoma City. My job was to help tape before shots, interview key people to the story, get shots of the construction starting, and somehow involve a Toyota Tundra (title sponsor and the people that are actually paying for everything). I’m supposed to go back throughout the next month to get shots of the construction, and then again a couple of weeks later to film Jermaine doing a “grand opening”. Should air sometime in April or May on NBAtv.

Some quick hits:

The Bears finally signed Lovie to an extension. Whoopie.

Jamal Lewis is old. He got cut.

College Basketball is happening or something.

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