Friday, November 30, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Guide (Special Edition)

Alabama - Athletics
Lots of athaletes come out of Bama. Athletes are athletic. Plus James Andrews is there. Also WC played with Peavy and that's as close as a LOV circle jammie that I can think of.

Alaska - Wild
Lots of wildlife in Alaska and they can play the hockey outside if they wanted to.

Arkansas - Hawks
Atlanta don't deserve 4 sports. When they start acting accordingly maybe we'll move the Hawks back. Til then enjoy Arkansas. Also Bill Clinton is from Arkansas and he hawks blowjobs from interns. Fair enough?

Connecticut - Patriots
This New England thing is dumb. Play in Hartford and you can still call yourselves New England. How's that? Plus there is nothing more patriotic than knowing the constitution and since Conneticut is known as the Constitution State that is above all.

Delaware - Senators
Being as Delaware is known as the First State having the Senators there makes sense.

Hawaii - Warriors
We could even go with the Rainbow Warriors if you'd like. I know that offends people but what doesn't nowadays.

Idaho - Raptors
There is no ryhme or reason to this other than black people inhabiting Idaho would be hilarious. And NBA has the most black people. And fuck Toronto Poputlation is 97% white in Idaho btw.

Iowa - fuck you Weazy, you get shit and like it
Kansas - fuck you again Weazy, hahahahahahahaaa

Kentucky - Blue Jays
Blue grass, Blue Jays. No brainer.

Maine - Clippers
Sounds like a boat docked in the Maine harbor. Good enough for me. I wonder Billy Crystal would still come to the games?

Mississippi - Browns
I think there is mud in Mississippi. Mud is brown.

Montana - Grizzlies
Montana has the largest grizzly bear population in the lower 48 states. Wiki is my Easy button.

Nebraska - Royals
Kansas City won't even know they are misssing.

Nevada - Kings (NBA)
Maloofs.

New Hampshire - Canucks
Let Canada start thier own Hockey League.

New Mexico - Padres
18.1% of the population is Mexican, so not only can you catch a baseball game but if your not mexican you wont have to worry about the guy in front of you blocking your vision because he's too tall.

North Dakota - Rockets
They develop alot of coal and oil. So fuels can be made and Rockets need fuel. Oh and the US Air Force has two bases here and they have Rockets so there's that as well.

Oklahoma - Reds
Okla and humma, means "red people". Formed from the Indian territory. Red also matches the Sooners football jersey's.

Rhode Island - Islanders
This makes sense for many reasons. One Islanders/Island connection. Duh. Rhode Island is synonmous with New York in many ways. They share water, they have a large Italian population, they eat well and they have chest hair.

South Dakota - Coyotes
Coyotes run that state. Also unconfirmed sources state the Road Runner cartoons starring Wile E. Coyote were filmed in the Black Hills of South Dakota. One more thing, Dances with Wolves was filmed in South Dakota and Wolves are in the same family has Coyotes, so there.

Vermont - Maple Leafs
Easiest pick on the board. How is this not the case today?

Virginia - Cavaliers
That's the name of the college team so in an effort not to confuse the Virginians we should keep it simple. Bron Bron, meet the Beltway Sniper.

West Virginia - Bucs (NFL)
Cuz then TEM dont have to change allegiances.

Wyoming - Bills
Aren't there lot's of Buffalo roaming around? Like Bisons and shit.

PICKS:
Panthers -3.5 over SF
Over Browns @ Arizona (52)
Broncos -3.5 in OAK


Army / Navy classic - Take the Midshipmen -14
Stanford +14
Hawaii -14 over Washington
Under 46 VaTech/B.C game
Missouri +3.5 (when's the last time the #1 team was a dog in it's league championship game?)

Overall 54-56-2


No
Sleep
Til
Brooklyn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

896 comments:

1 – 200 of 896   Newer›   Newest»
jugdish said...

Good work! Thanks for getting CT in there...good call on that one!

jugdish said...

How can you not love this face? ---->

blue said...

Great work EP...the list is fantastic

jugdish said...

My computer is making an odd noise this morning.

ToddPacker said...

funny list, ep

jugdish said...

I shall press on and worry about it later.

ToddPacker said...

"My computer is making an odd noise this morning."


my computer usually sounds like a diesel engine... time for a new one soon

El Padrino said...

but serious how can vermont not habe the Maple Leafs

El Padrino said...

hardest ones were
Arkansas, Alamabama, The Dakotas

blue said...

Carmelo choked a bitch (sasha vujajicislf) last night and got thrown out of the game...it was funny as hell.

El Padrino said...

your lucky Deke, I spared the Bucks

blue said...

who wants to see elle mcpherson topless

I do

blue said...

idaho got the raptors...they'll take that

iamBigBrotha'sBrotha said...

funny shit EP

El Padrino said...

those are GREEEATTTT tits

blue said...

we finally won the shamhoff war....I think he's setting up like deadspin where the only people who will be able to comment are "regulars" or team members.

iamBigBrotha'sBrotha said...

the Knicks.... got fucking... raped

El Padrino said...

104-59
HELLLOOOOOOOO!!!!

embarassing

blue said...

kenny smith and charles were laughing at the knicks when it was 90 something to 40 something...with a few minutes left in the 4th.

iamBigBrotha'sBrotha said...

u gotta think they'd score more just playing pickup ball..

jugdish said...

Now the Celtics are running up the score like the Pats.

tem said...

WV Bucs brings tears to my eyes. Tears of joy.

El Padrino said...

dreams come true tem

tem said...

and since I am the person who told the pre-marriage counselor lady that crying is for little kids that means alot.

***pre-marriage counselor lady then said crying is OK for adults, so I said OK, crying is for kids and girls.....tem is not married. sometimes i think this has something to do with it.

blue said...

pre-marriage counselor?

my little brother had to do this too..he is not married yet either.

blue said...

*he is not married because he likes plowing women other than his fiancee

blue said...

the PMC helped them identify the "plowing other women" as a cause of strain in their relationship.

tem said...

final TCS:

Zeke 131 16.54%
Blue 111 14.02%
tem 105 13.26%
Keith 84 10.61%
Jug 81 10.23%
Deke 76 9.60%
El Pad 73 9.22%
Mills 54 6.82%
TP 22 2.78%
freak 19 2.40%
Beth 11 1.39%
BBB 9 1.14%
Tyler 8 1.01%
Eracist 3 0.38%
Spiff 2 0.25%
Kod 2 0.25%
other 1 0.13%

tem said...

our PMC did far more harm than good.

tem said...

FYI, I forgot to wear a belt today.

El Padrino said...

failure yet again

iamBigBrotha'sBrotha said...

wow i just shit my pants. thats fucking awful.

blue said...

look at jug...top 5 day for him...

jugdish said...

"the PMC helped them identify the "plowing other women" as a cause of strain in their relationship."

I picture that scene in Old School when they went to counselling...even though that was not pre.

jugdish said...

I was helped by a few late night comments I left for sure.

El Padrino said...

"wow i just shit my pants. thats fucking awful."



MEDIC!!!!!

El Padrino said...

tree of trust

jugdish said...

We went to dinner at the Olive Garden...which was lovely.

blue said...

Old skool is great...the whole trust tree/panties conversation is classic.

jugdish said...

Ever watch it with their commentary? That's pretty funny too.

El Padrino said...

no, now i will

El Padrino said...

ferrel and vaughn can do no wrong in my eyes

jugdish said...

They point out things that crack them up...like everytime they show Mitch his hair is different.

tem said...

Old School is awesome. That is for sure.

Tem has seen it too, so no jokes about tem not watching it.

tem said...

I will have to watch with comments.

blue said...

Old School is Will Farrell's best movie, nothing will ever convince me otherwise.

ToddPacker said...

PMC was not fun

iamBigBrotha'sBrotha said...

"in a world of paper, paper!"

ToddPacker said...

the only way old school could have been better is if tebow was in it

tem said...

if shamford goes to deadspin type commenting i wonder if he will lock cmfost out of it.

blue said...

"if shamford goes to deadspin type commenting i wonder if he will lock cmfost out of it"

that would be the funniest.thing.evar!!

jugdish said...

Tebow wrote Old School.

blue said...

I kind of like el retardo's newest column...reminds you of how much the world has changed in 20 years.

blue said...

*25 years

jugdish said...

He also was the guy who taught the blow job class.

JFreak said...

I had lots of great links last night.

ToddPacker said...

"I had lots of great links last night"


freak ♥'s freak

El Padrino said...

i though jug wrote old school

blue said...

jug is tebow

El Padrino said...

I wear this shirt all the time

tem said...

jug is tebow is andy dick?

tem said...

I did not read LOV AD, was it worth it?

blue said...

LoVAD is always worth it

blue said...

there was even a special guest appearance by jug in LoVAD.

hilary is my co-pilot said...

those Elle Macpherson tits are a thing of beauty.

ToddPacker said...

i'm gonna have to remember to check the elle link when i get home

hilary is my co-pilot said...

PMC, I'm sorry to hear this tem.

jugdish said...

"jug is tebow is andy dick?"

Apparently

tem said...

do not go to a PMC.

jugdish said...

"there was even a special guest appearance by jug in LoVAD"

I showed up too late though...

tem said...

the special gues was jug=tebow

tem said...

jugbow

blue said...

rumor around town here is that the NFL will rule today that Travis Henry will not be suspended, and that he won his appeal.

jugdish said...

I hate convenience fees when buying tickets. That is not convenient for me at all.

JFreak said...

My Michael Bennett for Travis Henry trade is looking genius now.

JFreak said...

Screw convenience fees.

I went to the venue the concert was at to buy tickets and they charged me a convenience fee. For walking into their building and buying from them. How is that not convenient for them?

Whores.

blue said...

I didn't think you had to pay the fee if you bought them at the ticket office.

jugdish said...

This place won't let us do that...we have to buy the tickets on line or over the phone...freaking $9 convenience fee.

jugdish said...

They charged Freak an inconvenience fee.

JFreak said...

Well, it was an 8 dollar fee online, and a 2 dollar fee at the box office.

What a total ripoff.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"your lucky Deke, I spared the Bucks"

The Bucks work in WI. Plenty of deer here.

tem said...

fees are dumb.

El Padrino said...

fees is a dirty word

blue said...

so shouldn't shipping be included in the "convenience fee" or is shipping not a convenient choice too...and how can they get away with charging 4-5$ to put tickets in an envelope that costs a penny and put a 41¢ stamp on it?

blue said...

ticket brokers and ticket processing companies are the biggest scam/ripoff in all of american industry.

El Padrino said...

bank fees

tem said...

HUNGRY

tem said...

fyi i do that so i can ctrl-f hungry and find the place i left off.

El Padrino said...

your so smart, hard to imagine your from west virgina

blue said...

"fyi i do that so i can ctrl-f hungry and find the place i left off."

I do the same thing Tem...except, not with the Hungry.

El Padrino said...

"The Baltimore Sun reports that the Mets’ offer of Carlos Gomez, Aaron Heilman and Philip Humber for Erik Bedard was rejected by the Orioles. Bedard reportedly had contract extension talks stall with Baltimore. He won’t be a free agent until after the 2009 season."

Dumb birds

Keith S said...

".and how can they get away with charging 4-5$ to put tickets in an envelope that costs a penny and put a 41¢ stamp on it?"

They have to pay someone to put the tickets in the envelope.

JFreak said...

Russian Mario

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Simmons was good today.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Gonna be a rough Friday.

El Padrino said...

"If you wager on this game, you're basically announcing, "I'll bet on anything."

took the skins in parlay
am i a bad man?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Also, regarding 5 of us beating the Knicks last night-

I'd have to come off the bench as the 6th man. We'd need Rev to bang around inside with Z-Bo and Curry. I'll be the instant offense, plus I have asthma. Don't have the wind.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"took the skins in parlay
am i a bad man?"

No, maybe just a fool.

El Padrino said...

i pity the fool

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

100

El Padrino said...

AND 1

Spaceman Spiff said...

went to skidazzle at LA convention center, got some snowboard gear for half off, that place is a nightmare, crowded as fuck

tem said...

Lunch was good, but nothing special.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

You missed nothing, Tem

tem said...

skidazzle sounds like a strip club in the rockies.

tem said...

i see i missed nothing.

why is that?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

HUNGRY

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Nobody's here

El Padrino said...

weird, yesterday was pumping

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I need ideas for my christmas list

tem said...

stuff for you?

tem said...

toilet paper.

El Padrino said...

Taser
Air Force Ones
Guitar Hero III
IPOD Portable Video Player
Ed Hardy t-shirt
Fedora
Burberry Scarf
Tiffany Cufflinks
DVD's
Digital Camera
Ze Chairmen Jersey
Prince Fielder Jersey
Everlast sweats
Portable TV for the shitter

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Yes, stuff for me

Tyler said...

WTF of the day = people driving retarded because it's raining. It's just water people. Fuck.

Tyler said...

I played Rock Band at a friend's house last night until 12:30am. It is awesome. I played everything except for vocals. Guitar is easier than Guitar Hero and Bass is super easy. Drums are really hard though.

El Padrino said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i'm hearing Milledge for Brian Scheider and Ryan Church

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

fuck you OMAR

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Taser-no
Air Force Ones-no
Guitar Hero III- never played 1 or 2
IPOD Portable Video Player- CPU is too slow
Ed Hardy t-shirt- no clue
Fedora-no
Burberry Scarf- GAY
Tiffany Cufflinks- For what?
DVD's- nah
Digital Camera- Yes
Ze Chairmen Jersey- Hell no
Prince Fielder Jersey- deluxe already has one, can't bite his style. I'm a Corey Hart man, anyway.
Everlast sweats- 1988?
Portable TV for the shitter- nah

jugdish said...

fees...the place I ordered my tickets from offered free shipping by mail. assholes.

El Padrino said...

Taser-no - fairy boy
Air Force Ones-no - classics
Guitar Hero III- never played 1 or 2 - wake up
IPOD Portable Video Player- CPU is too slow - PORTABLE fool
Ed Hardy t-shirt- no clue - hollywood
Fedora-no - ok
Burberry Scarf- GAY - black one is pimp
Tiffany Cufflinks- For what? - in case you need to dress like an adult one day
DVD's- nah - this is sparta!
Digital Camera- Yes - good call
Ze Chairmen Jersey- Hell no - just making sure
Prince Fielder Jersey- deluxe already has one, can't bite his style. I'm a Corey Hart man, anyway. - corey hart it is
Everlast sweats- 1988? - most comfy sweats i own
Portable TV for the shitter- nah - your loss

Spaceman Spiff said...

EP, your dream youtube clip

larussa DUI video

jugdish said...

My cubicle smells like a fart...it might be my fault.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"IPOD Portable Video Player- CPU is too slow - PORTABLE fool"


Where the fuck would I get these videos from? Thin air?

tem said...

things tem wants invented. get on it jug:

1. Caffeinated air -It would be like a humidifier, but pump out airy caffeine.

2. Pens that listen to what you say and then write it.

3. Contact lenses that have zoom capabilities.


4. An extra button on dress shirts that is near the top one. This button is to make sure people who dress business casual aren’t showing chest hair when they leave that top button undone. I think there is like 2 solid inches between the top button and the second to top button on dress shirts, this leaves way too much room for hairy dude’s chest hair to show at work.

Spaceman Spiff said...

drums on rock band are fucking impossible

Spaceman Spiff said...

i second tem's 4th item on the list

Spaceman Spiff said...

there needs to be an option between the choke 1st button and the too much chest 2nd button

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Air Force Ones-no - classics"

There's only 3 types of people that wear AF1s in WI. I'm not going detail about it. Plus, I'm over my old-school shoe kick.

"Guitar Hero III- never played 1 or 2 - wake up"

Hey, I want 'em, I'd just rather get a PS3 or a 360.

El Padrino said...

"Where the fuck would I get these videos from? Thin air?"

on your ipod, or you play dvd's
if you dont have an ipod with videos on it than this is not for you

Spaceman Spiff said...

blocked natty

El Padrino said...

"Hey, I want 'em, I'd just rather get a PS3 or a 360."

smart.

El Padrino said...

i cant belive they traded milledge for two scrubs and no pitching

Professor Chaos said...

WHAT THE FUCK ELP?

A'S WANT CHURCH/ESTRADA/B PROSPECT FOR BLANTON? (wishful thinking)

tem said...

"there needs to be an option between the choke 1st button and the too much chest 2nd button"

soemone told me kenneth cole shirts had these. but i don't know who kenneth cole is. so i have yet to see them.

Spaceman Spiff said...

mets are funny

Tyler said...

My office smells like French Toast. Maybe that's because I'm eating some French Toast right now.

Keith S said...

"I need ideas for my christmas list"

I would like a Wii

El Padrino said...

wishful indeed

this is a disaster trade if it's final

tem said...

church doesn't stay a met.

Tyler said...

The highest I got on the drums (on Easy) was 85%. I got 83% on three straight songs. It is tough.

El Padrino said...

the shirt i have on right now, it's an inch from choke to 2nd base

some are more but most are an inch, inch is good, no chest hair is visible

El Padrino said...

i assume he's flipping them around, we'll see

El Padrino said...

if he's not he should be shot

tem said...

meiz list:
a new bowling shirt
bottle of vodka
big lebowski dvd
gift card to mortons

Tyler said...

"3. Contact lenses that have zoom capabilities."

I would buy a pair of these in a heartbeat.

Keith S said...

"WTF of the day = people driving retarded because it's raining. It's just water people. Fuck."

I hear ya man. It's bad here too. Water on the ground = bad traffic all day.

tem said...

my shirt now, mid top button to mid next button is 2in.

tem said...

water is scary.

water on road means drive home is twice as long....maybe three times.

Keith S said...

"gift card to mortons"

Yes he definitely needs this. He'll never eat $10 steak again.

tem said...

if you go too fast on water your kids die and you go to jail, at least that is what i heard.

El Padrino said...

hook that man up wif a nice cut of beef

Keith S said...

I have Kenneth Cole pants. They are not comfortable. KC shirts are ok though.

hilary is my co-pilot said...

don't worry if the Mets trade Milledge EP, they still have Kazmir as their "ace in the hole".

El Padrino said...

i cant wear kcole pants, i need pants that are a bit longer in the crotch

El Padrino said...

i'm ignoring you zeke

Spaceman Spiff said...

ouch

Keith S said...

"i cant wear kcole pants, i need pants that are a bit longer in the crotch"

Exactly what I meant. They are the worst

Spaceman Spiff said...

they got rid of kazmir right? at least they have bannister

s

Keith S said...

Richard Sharpstein, a former Taylor lawyer and family friend, said: "It looks like the police are pursuing extremely good leads. It appears that the burglary was exactly as I've always stated, not random, that Sean's house was targeted."

Keith S said...

Why do people not understand that?

Keith S said...

Oh, one more thing...

Professor Chaos said...

bannister was shit and burgos will be better. You cant predict injuries, but you can realize bannister had no future with the organization

Spaceman Spiff said...

tyler, eaten king taco? i havent had it in a while, enjoyed it last night, paid for it today

Keith S said...

IT'S FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem, I hate bowling.

Already have the Lebowski DVD

El Padrino said...

Kazmir>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Bannister

Keith S said...

Oh good, Corb is back.


s

Spaceman Spiff said...

police have detained 3 guys for questioning

Keith S said...

meiz list:

Randy Moss fathead

jugdish said...

meiz list: toilet paper

Professor Chaos said...

Possible connection with the Marlins ELP? They need a C and can take estrada or schneider, and have had a hole in CF for a grip. Maybe Those two and Pitching Prospect for Willis?

Professor Chaos said...

RE"Oh good, Corb is back."

It takes something monumental for me to come back...and trading "bend yo knees" is just that

Keith S said...

Is LoDuca a FA? Is that why the Mets are stockpiling catchers?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"hook that man up wif a nice cut of beef"

I get a Filet Mignon with Gorgonzola on it once a year at this nice joint up north.

JFreak said...

from the TLR youtube comments:

"I think he'll likely either get off or get probation because he wasn't technically driving..."

Yeah, he definitely didn't drive to the middle of that intersection. His car just appeared there.

JFreak said...

for bioshock fans

El Padrino said...

yea duke is a fa

El Padrino said...

the tlr vid is gold

tem said...

don't like bowling?

El Padrino said...

no we talking deke

tem said...

meiz list:

nude pics of portman.

tem said...

willis is just OK.

Keith S said...

meiz list:

Nude pics of R2D2

ToddPacker said...

meiz list:

carton of smokes

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I love the Mignon. I just have a hard time justifying spending good money on food.

JFreak said...

timelapse of lambeau field

Keith S said...

Then spend dirty money on it.

JFreak said...

try to press the button

JFreak said...

AFROHAT

Keith S said...

Go to work

Spaceman Spiff said...

how much of the filet did you throw away once you got full

Keith S said...

That was funny

hilary is my co-pilot said...

#1 on Deke's list:

Fleischmann's Traveler(s)

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"carton of smokes"

On my list for Vegas next weekend

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Fleischmann's Traveler(s)"

Nope. Fleischmann's 1.75

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"how much of the filet did you throw away once you got full"

You best believe I eat the whole damn thing.

Keith S said...

block

tem said...

pressing the button was easy. it never moved.

hilary is my co-pilot said...

#2 on Deke's List:

Chris Mullin's Musk

Spaceman Spiff said...

in the words of deke "no fucking way you eat the whole thing"

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