Friday, October 19, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Guide

Can the Red Sox pitch Beckett on 2 days rest? God damn that boy can pitch!

That curveball last night was I wanna rock, no i wanna rock, no i wanna rock right now, uncle luke, freak nasty good.

Papelbon makes his mouth look like a anus when he looks in to the catcher. It's gay and dumb.

Julio Lugo looks hungry.

In case anyone didn't hear Torre is no longer the manager of the New York Yankees.

Pandemonium in Piscataway Pt. 2.

LSU breathe easy, beat Auburn at home and you'll be back in it. B.C will lose in Blacksburg next Thursday so forget them. WVU the East is yours, just win out. Looks like O.State/LSU as the title game. Unless Michigan can exact some revenge and fuck up the world with a win in Ann Arbor on November 17th. We'll see.

What about Oklahoma? Discuss.

Ray Rice reminds me of Mike Hart. NS.

Terry = Tito? I don't get it.

Yes Beth, I know. The Thrashers got their first win vs. the Rangers last night. IDGAF, celebrate with a "cum on me" party for all I care. Hockey is not important right now.

Andy Reid shouldn't punt to Devin Hester this Sunday.

Holmes is "fresh" after 2nd practice says Herman. Thanks buddy, the world was waiting for that tidbit.

VY game time decision. Suck it up son, your home vs. the team who could have drafted you.

It's 12:06am right now. EST.

Where I stand :
Overall 21-25


Last Week :
College 0-3
Pros 2-2

College
Florida -7 over KENTUCKY ($50)
Whenever the line looks silly (initially)pound the other side. That's a rule. This has been talked about in the comments this week. Florida needs this one bad. Kentucky had their season last week. Seems like a no-brainer to me.


Michigan -3 over ILLINOIS ($50)
I normally don't bet on the team I root for but I can't see Mike Hart letting his team lose this game. This has been a very strange year for Michigan and as unpredictable as they have been for some strange reason this bet just feels right. If they finish the year strong and *gulp* upset the buckeyes the year would not be lost.

Auburn +11 over LSU ($50)
I'll always take the points in a big SEC game. Always. Which makes sense on my first bet right? Auburn are SEC cover dogs. Most of the time winning outright.


And Louisville -3.5 over UCONN tonight.......this is not basketball.
I really like Cincy -10 in Pittsburgh too.


Pros
BENGALS -7 over Jets ($100)
As bad as Cincy is the Jets are worse. This is Chad's last game for NY. I'm so sad. Marvin Lewis should have been fired already, is it because he's black? Anyway Carson lights em up to a tune of a 17 point win.


Hotlanta +9 over SAINTS ($50)
That's funny. Saints win their first game of the year and all of a sudden they start laying wood. Fuck that I'll grab the 9 points, espeacially because Leftwhich is starting. He normally doesn't turn the ball over like Padrag's cousin.


Cheifs +3 over OAKLAND ($50)
I thought the Cheifs were a bad team but they really ain't that bad. That defense is good and the offense does just enough. This would be a nice road win for them. I can see it. LJ for a "wear them down" type game going over 30 carries and a nice play action pass with 4:17 left to seal it by Huard to Bowe. (god i sound like skunkpatch)

SEAHWAKS -9 over Rams ($1000)
Rams are bad. Really, really bad. Hawks need this game in the worst way. That was a real bad loss on Sunday night, on national TV no less so they should be motivated to take the Rams out to the woodshed and spank that ass.

Don't say anything but I like Niners getting 9.5 in NY. The Giants will win but it's a classic trap game for them. They'll scarily win by 4 or 5.


Teaser ($100):
Florida +3
Pats -7
Seahawks +1

Don't stop til' you get enough.

675 comments:

1 – 200 of 675   Newer›   Newest»
JFreak said...

El Pad is trying to steal my comments.

I will not stand for it.

JFreak said...

Also, you should edit the times to reflect when you post, not when you start writing.

That way, next year for TDILOVH, it won't look like two posts are on the same day.

El Padrino said...

do it for me editor bob

El Padrino said...

yaramluke's beard is manly

JFreak said...

No can do.

El Padrino said...

how does he eat ribs? wings? the pooty tang?

JFreak said...

Papelbon looks like an idiot.

Guys shouldn't purse their lips.

El Padrino said...

done and done

JFreak said...

Quagmire kills Simpsons cast

JFreak said...

"done and done"

Amazing.

Absolutely spectacular.

You are magnificant.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I don't think the whatsitcalleds cover that 9

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

nevermind. I don't think the Bungles cover that 7

Keith S said...

"Terry = Tito? I don't get it."

Apparently his dad's nickname was Tito too, but his real name was/is John. So that makes less sense, if that's possible.

JFreak said...

Just watched the first two episodes of "The Wire".

My only complaint is the fact that the title sequence is five minutes long.

ToddPacker said...

freak was up late last night

ToddPacker said...

usf losing was an easy call... jim leavitt is a lunatic

ToddPacker said...

"What about Oklahoma? Discuss"


the bcs will be extra messy this year... i think it's OSU v either OK, WV or USC in the NC game

ToddPacker said...

that's the Pac10 USC, not the spurriers

blue said...

I don't think USC is in the NC this year...if anyone from the Pac-10 is going to be there it will be (gulp) Oregon...I think Oregon controls its own destiny since they still have USC and ASU left to help boost their SOS.

They have the SOS especially if Michigan can keep winning and maybe even win the Big-10.

blue said...

nevermind, we all know BC will be playing for the National championship.

ToddPacker said...

if usc wins out they will be in the NC game.... the polls love them, plus i think key teams ahead of them will lose

blue said...

I like LSU to get there, but then again, the schedule will be difficult for them...considering, they'll probably beat Auburn this weekend. They still have Alabama and Arkansas which won't be pushover games. And then a re-match with either South Carolina or Florida in the SEC championship game.

Mills said...

Terry = Tito, cuz his dad played in the bigs and was called Tito, so they call him Tito as well? I don't know why.

ToddPacker said...

yeah, i think LSU loses another game

Mills said...

wups -- sorry keith for the redundancy keith

blue said...

i wonder how long before cumfast is back today?

Big Brother's Brother said...

i was stunned to find out that USF was deuce in the rankings. for shame.

ToddPacker said...

"i was stunned to find out that USF was deuce in the rankings. for shame"


even shammy knew the bulls were duece in the rankings.... blame it on the vacation

blue said...

shammy knew it because he was about to jump ship onto their bandwagon...he figured as long as the team had "florida" in their name, he was ok to root for them.

Big Brother's Brother said...

oh yeah.. shame on me too, but mainly fucking shame on the BCS.

Big Brother's Brother said...

i dont care to follow the polls anymore. i feel how EP feels about october hockey.

Big Brother's Brother said...

Sabathia = no way he dips below 4-hundo

Big Brother's Brother said...

moonwalk

Big Brother's Brother said...

and spike a pigskin for good measure

blue said...

the office last night had some good lines.

Big Brother's Brother said...

here SSSSSonny.. would u like to come SSSSit on my lap?

pretty preaSSSSe?

blue said...

a great line for LoV in regards to weazy is "i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, and that includes you"

ToddPacker said...

how 'bout some poppin'

ToddPacker said...

didn't see the office yet

Big Brother's Brother said...

pop'n'lock

shoulder shimmy

sliiiiiiiide step

blue said...

then I won't bore you with office details.

it wasn't their best episode but Michael singing "runaway train" by soul asylum has to be one of my favorite things ever.

ToddPacker said...

i'll check it out over the weekend

Big Brother's Brother said...

might do a little Bad Boy for ya too..

uuuuuuh! wheres my Diddy/Mase shiny suit at?

Big Brother's Brother said...

David Beckham has singlehandedly brought soccer to the forefront of american sports.

kudos.

Big Brother's Brother said...

i'm taking advantage of LoV like a frat guy and a hot 16 yr old.

Big Brother's Brother said...

Cosby dance.

eat some jello puddin pops.

ToddPacker said...

"bbb can't be stopped now, cause he is bad boy for life"

ToddPacker said...

who is david beckham?

ToddPacker said...

chris fowler was extremely amused by the leavitt faces last night

Big Brother's Brother said...

Beckham = African high jump record holder.

he is crazy popular in the Olympics.

Big Brother's Brother said...

i loathe this topic.. but Britney has lost rights for visitation? wtf, you monster fuck up.

blue said...

she won't give out her address for her random drug tests...seriously how fucked up do you have to be before you realize that the meth has destroyed your life.

ToddPacker said...

leave britney alooone

Big Brother's Brother said...

i feel we need to consult Jodie Sweetin on this one.

ToddPacker said...

was jodie fired from tha pants off dance off show.... i noticed a different host?

blue said...

My sister made me laugh the other day, she asked me if 4 years ago I ever thought it would be possible that Britney and Lohan would fuck a normal guy....now, it would be a disgrace if those chicks shot you down.

blue said...

I haven't seen PoDo in quite some time...her contract may have run out...so she's back on the street with her meth

blue said...

PtP is in effect

El Padrino said...

dont fry bacon with no shirt on

Big Brother's Brother said...

with great power comes great stupidity

Big Brother's Brother said...

'dont fry bacon with no shirt on'

u should be holding the baby

El Padrino said...

i've watched wedding crashers 14 times this week


RED 7, RED 7, RED seeevveeennnnn

El Padrino said...

i put the baby on this cushion thing on the table while i cook

far from the splashes of oil, i let my bare chest take the brunt of the bacons fury

blue said...

bacon grease wounds...battle scars

tem said...

wassup?

i just woke up. is it hungry time?

isiah thomas said...

one of the funniest lines was when they were in the kitchen and Kevin goes "women be shopping" and puts his fist out to Stanley.

tem said...

must be, lov is nearly vacant.

El Padrino said...

keep the bacon grease then throw the eggs in there

i'm giving you pearls here

El Padrino said...

kethcup on eggs

Yes or No.

Discuss.

tem said...

i don't even like eggs that much.

blue said...

I put hot sauce on eggs...i'm not a ketchup fan on most anything


cooking pancakes or eggs in bacon grease is always good.

isiah thomas said...

usually no but I've put catsup on eggs befo.

hotsauce on eggs is underrated.

El Padrino said...

ketchup must go on a egg sammich

but when they are by them self i put it on sometimes

and hot sauce i use as well

Big Brother's Brother said...

ketchup - okay to dip or have on the side..

detrimental to overall taste when cooking it right into an omelette (thanks dad)

Big Brother's Brother said...

egg mcmuffin = must dip in ketchup, mainly cause the breads so damn dry


i need to try ranch with eggs.

tem said...

tmft.

now i a really hungry.

isiah thomas said...

*catsup only on scrambled eggs.

isiah thomas said...

mcd's breakfast sammich of choice = sausage mcmuffin w/egg.

Spaceman Spiff said...

mcgriddles are overrated, 2 sausage mcmuffs is the play.

i know a guy who pours half a bottle of ketchup per egg, its ridiculous.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

A buddy of mine solicited me for sex last night via drunk text message.

It was awkward.

isiah thomas said...

beth has your phone #?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Ketchup on eggs is nasty.

McD's sammich- Bacon, egg, & cheez breakfast bagel.

El Padrino said...

pound and slap

McGriddle = shiznit

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"beth has your phone #?"

That would be nice, no?

blue said...

now i'm hungry

blue said...

"A buddy of mine solicited me for sex last night via drunk text message."

weazy must have been hammered.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No blue, I said a buddy of mine.

Keith S said...

"if usc wins out they will be in the NC game"

That is a big if. They still play at Oregon, at Cal, at ASU, and UCLA. No way they win out.

Big Brother's Brother said...

"A buddy of mine solicited me for sex last night via drunk text message.

It was awkward."


did he respect you and at least go slow?

El Padrino said...

that's funnyyyyyyy

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!!

Keith S said...

Keep your eyes peeled for a stolen laptop

isiah thomas said...

EP are you on paternity leave this week or did you have to use a vacation week?

blue said...

Deke-

did you buy that thing that helps to strengthen your "core"..it's named that because it's used by the marine corps

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

PtP never disappoints...

Keith S said...

re: the pics deke posted yesterday from the Packers tailgate.
I can't believe they had Jonathon Moxon there. I would have definitely offered him cash to say "I don't want yer liiiiife.

blue said...

Mox would be a better backup QB than A-Rodg

Keith S said...

I could watch implosions all day.

Tyler said...

Power POINT. Power POINT. Power POINT.

Tyler said...

1 hundo.

Keith S said...

I've got the power?

Keith S said...

That was weak sauce madness

Tyler said...

Yeah, it was pretty pretty weaksauce.

blue said...

why don't we ask powerpoint how to solve my credit problems.

Mills said...

Meiz --


Basketball-reference.com will tell you salary information

and everybody.

Lost is better than Heroes. I like em both, but I don't throw TEMTRUM when my dvr messes up and doesn't tape Heroes.

Mills said...

re: beers for laptop.

a dozen beers a month is not a lifetime of beer.

that is a night for kod.

blue said...

now we have definitive proof that Heroes is the better show.

thanks weazy

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Power point is a presentation tool.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I already went through Hoops Hype.

Tyler said...

Blue, you're a presentation tool.

Tyler said...

Meiz, I found a site for football players that are in a contract year, but nothing for basketball. So hoops hype is the only way I know to figure that out.

Tyler said...

I know Kwame is in a contract year. You should draft him, he's gonna have a huge year.

(s)

blue said...

that's what she said

blue said...

not a lot of big name contract year guys...kobe

Tyler said...

Arenas is likely to opt out of his contract at the end of the year.

blue said...

eduardo najera

blue said...

insidehoops.com has that information for last year, but they haven't updated it yet for 2007-08

Tyler said...

Philly is still on the hook for $19 mill for Webber's contract.

Tyler said...

Kurt Thomas and Jamaal Maglorie are the only notable players that I can remember that are in contract years. And they're not very notable.

blue said...

isn't dallas still paying a portion of Michael Finley's too

Keith S said...

Kobe wants traded, I think.

blue said...

deke-
send an email to elretardo...he'll find out for you

Tyler said...

Oh yeah, Ricky Davis.

Sam Cassell (he might play one more year after this one).

Mickael Pietrus signed a one year deal, so he's playing for a contract somewhere else next year.

Chris Duhon. I don't think they re-upped him.

Primoz Brezec.

Tyronn Lue and Lorenzen Wright.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Josh Smith

BD

Jamison

Ron Ron

B Gordon

Maggette

I'm counting player options, too. Since you can just opt out and go get a fatter deal.

Tyler said...

RE: Fin-Dog. I thought he was their Allen Houston Rule player. It lists him on Hoops Hype, but I don't think they have to pay that money.

JFreak said...

"was jodie fired from tha pants off dance off show.... i noticed a different host?"

I think I heard that she was pregnant.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Finley's cooked. He doesn't count.

Tyler said...

I don't think Artest is going to opt out, he wants an extension.

Maggette, on the other hand, is a lock to opt out. He hates playing for the Clippers. With Brand out, he's gonna get the PT. Dunleavy can't sit him. I think they showcase him to trade him.

isiah thomas said...

I think Marion can opt out soon. I'll check

isiah thomas said...

Marion has a player option for next season.

Tyler said...

Yeah, Marion can opt out.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I don't trust Marion this year. He's a malcontent and his production has slipped the last 2 or 3 years.

isiah thomas said...

I'm looking at my suicide pick....Pitt (@ Den) is looking like it might be the pick.

isiah thomas said...

I don't trust Marion this year. He's a malcontent and his production has slipped the last 2 or 3 years.

Marion is going to have a great season.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Pitt only gives up like 9pts a game.

isiah thomas said...

I'm not sure if malcontent is the right word, he's more moody than anything.

isiah thomas said...

j walk is out and champ is a GTD.

Pitt is coming off of their bye.

Its on the road though, that's the only thing.

blue said...

Champ will play, there is not doubt

blue said...

Denver is also coming off of their bye week, and they were embarrassed their last home game. I expect them to win this week...If they don't win...

blue said...

if they don't win, i'll have to do something drastic

blue said...

I went to a local sporting goods shop last night...they had tables full of Rockies NLCS champion t-shirts. They wanted $25 for the shirts and $30 for the hats.

I decided I will wait a few weeks and buy one of the leftovers for like $5.

If they win the WS, i'll buy some of that gear...maybe

Lou said...

The Man, The Legend, The Hero...

Gentlemen (and LOV), I give you Hugh Grant Dude is in his mid 40's and parting in a dorm room with a bunch of chicks 1/2 and 1/3 his age.


Pound the fist, much love.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Who's basketball rankings do others trust?

Yahoo? WWL? CBS? Other obscure shit?

Keith S said...

Hollinger

Keith S said...

(esssssssssssss)

blue said...

I trust my own rankings Deke

blue said...

yao should be the 1st pick

blue said...

followed by KG...after that, it doesn't matter.

If you didn't get either Yao or KG your season is screwed.

ToddPacker said...

"Joe Torre scheduled a news conference for 2 p.m. ET today in Rye, N.Y"


what are the odds he cries like a baby

Big Brother's Brother said...

i wanna kiss you all ova...

til the night closes in...

ToddPacker said...

it's kissssssssss and clossssssssssseessssss

Tyler said...

til the night closes innnnnnnnnnnn.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm going with Matthew Berry

ToddPacker said...

this is sad

isiah thomas said...

as bad as that is, at least they didn't use "Roxtober", it could have been worse.

ToddPacker said...

good point, zeke

El Padrino said...

EP are you on paternity leave this week or did you have to use a vacation week?

Vaca.

took that one week when she was bourne

El Padrino said...

torre press conference, 2pm

i will watch it, anyone want a diary?

El Padrino said...

S

El Padrino said...

sox take this to 7, no?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I need the diary.

El Padrino said...

4 minutes into it, torre already starting to tear up







Vermiel is his speech coach.

ba dum dum.

El Padrino said...

black suit, red tie blue shirt

natty

El Padrino said...

didnt like the incentives

thought motivation was unecessary

El Padrino said...

he said it would have put more pressure on the players, the thought of manager losing job if they dont get far in playoffs or make playoffs

voice cracking

isiah thomas said...

did he thank Jeter for all the blumpkins yet?

El Padrino said...

thought he got the most out of every player

El Padrino said...

reading text message from nephew

it'a a joke.

it was funny

El Padrino said...

here come some questions

El Padrino said...

compared the twisting in the wind to waiting on dr. test results

he should know, 3 colonoscopies

El Padrino said...

clearly annoyed with the incentives

without saying so he thought they were a slap in the face

told you so.

isiah thomas said...

reading text message from nephew


"Dear Uncy Joe, your face on tv frightens me.

Sincerely,

Nephew Paulie"

El Padrino said...

expressed dissatisfaction for the length of contract and incentives

lame duck was mentioned

he addressed it saying it's true, it takes a toll on the players and coaches when they start asking will so and so will be fired after a 4 game losing streak, etc.

you get the point

El Padrino said...

joe sneezed


the cameras went down

white noise









and were back, 2 casualties and 7 injured.

El Padrino said...

the reduction of salary hurt as well but if they would have offered 2 he most likely would have taken it....

interesting

El Padrino said...

joe's first 5 seasons they were in the WS.

says the early success may have swayed the boss to expect it

meaning if the WS's were spread out over the 12 years we are not having this press conf.

blue said...

ep can you go all Chad Johnson on your picks and stop making them until you get above a .500 record.

El Padrino said...

jeter caught masturbating behind joe

El Padrino said...

blue i'm a professional, i'll never be over .500

ToddPacker said...

"joe sneezed


the cameras went down

white noise


and were back, 2 casualties and 7 injured."


funny

blue said...

professional???? Do you have one of those TV shows and claim you have 80% winners.

El Padrino said...

no but i dont always take what i write, i'm on a 4 week winning streak in real life

sometimes i do, if you want i can post what i actually do take

maybe has a bonus, but that'll cost you guys a subscription fee

isiah thomas said...

Did Jeter finish on Joe's face?

Lou said...

"blue i'm a professional, i'll never be over .500"

EP, you should post how much money you've won/loss with your record.

blue said...

only if you are willing to pay back if you lose, that way I win.

ToddPacker said...

ep, god help you if you are watching the torre thing in HD

El Padrino said...

lou, in real life or only on the picks i make for the column?

El Padrino said...

jeter was escorted out.....did not finish

inside sources tell me posada is the catcher

isiah thomas said...

heard this as I was walking by another dept:

from a really obese chick, I mean 25 lbs saddle bags under each arm on her back, rolls for days, as round as she is tall, etc....at least 300lbs and no taller than 5'3''

"I have the biggest crush on Jeremy Piven"

no bitch, if you were on Jeremy Piven you'd crush him.

this chick is big.

ToddPacker said...

"Nope, Beth showed up and help out"

beth is in NY?.... i guess that would explain no mcgee comments today

El Padrino said...

My last 5 weeks....

NOT SARCASM.


Last week : + $586
2 : + $88
3 : + $57
4 : + $178
5 : - $225

blue said...

no bitch, if you were on Jeremy Piven you'd crush him.

this chick is big.


now that is funny!!!

ToddPacker said...

who erased the beth comment?

isiah thomas said...

Last week : + $586


outfuckingstanding

El Padrino said...

this week i'm up $40, so far
$375 pending for the weekend

I really have Florida -7 and Cincy -10

isiah thomas said...

was it about or by beth?

maybe cumfast got cold feet on impersonating her.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Sneeze joke had me rollin'

Lou said...

either way.

the idea isn't to win more than you lose, it's to make money right? kinda like in blackjack, ya expect to lose more hands than you win, you just try to win big when ya do.

since you're not picking to win, your bankroll would be a better judge of how well you're picking than your record.

El Padrino said...

thank you sir

went large on Philly and took the Saints in the nightcap as well as rode the Rockies all week

ToddPacker said...

"Sneeze joke had me rollin'"

yeah that was very funny, ep

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