Tuesday, September 04, 2007

i'm a good listener cause i'm not that interesting

the other day at work i was enjoying a pipe and a good book out in the back forty. the air was fresh, the birds were chirping and i had brought my best lawn chair with me. later, i put on my beer helmet and slammed one before i went back to the daily tasks which were lain upon my desk and required my undivided attention.

my work dwelling is directly next to the downtown area and there's an amphitheatre there. the doors of the work establishment lead right into the back stage area. i put on my rollerblades and spandex shorts and decided to have a nice little lunchtime workout. i had purchased a new headband the day before, which i finally put to use, because sweat had been getting my eyes too much. there was a slight chill in the breeze, so i'm also glad i had snatched up my leg warmers before i went out. they help to keep the body temperature nice and warm. you never want to get too cold when working out because as we all know, it cause diarrhea. and testicular cancer...

so i strolled around outside while they were setting up for a couple weekend festivals and ish. i hit shuffle on the ipod and listened to the 20$ Sack Pyramid. i laughed a good bit. i aints herd that ish for a minute. i remember listening to that for the first time with a strange, dorky early-hike school friend. decent kid and probably turned out alright (man he was SUPER fast when we played football. i'd hit him with a slant and he was gone)... but after he introduced me to The Chronic (album only) and played some sports, we went separate ways. i think he moved too, and that was enough of a deterrent to get lazy on the friendship. i'm gonna venture to say that i chose that option though... cause i found out that he was a stalker. not to me. i'm definitely stalker-material (as far as being stalked). i mean shit, with my pretty face and snappy style, who wouldnt want to capture me and grow a whole field of me. but anyways, this kid didnt want my DNA, he wanted this girl from his hike school (i ended up at a different school, but met him the last year at middle schoo'). anyways, he was a total stalker for this girl. however, i only found this out when he got his first car. i thought he had a nice little crush going or something.. like she mightve been attainable, so i wasnt trying to judge too quickly. first real "like" and now he has a car.. ok, i can kinda understand. or something. i thought, hey, it might just be innocent. he would always make up an excuse to go somewhere like to the mall or needed to pick up a cd or something.. and of course i would go along cause everyone will take the chance to get the eff outta their house at that age.

but then we would cut through these neighborhoods. i use the plural form there because after the girl moved once, he found her new place and went past there too. i started to feel pretty uncomfortable with this. i think it all came to a head when me, Stalks, and my best buddy (to this day) were heading out somewhere. i forget where we were headed, but i remember that my buddy got nailed with a slushie. her dad was in the street when we passed by and apparently.. SOMEHOW his jig was up. i wasnt with him that many times in the car, but i guess he sure as hell went past their house enough times to give the family a heads up. so the dad said something about "stop driving by my house", he raised up and came correct with the slurpie and WHAMMO!!! right in my man's face in the backseat. sorry john. i shoulda told that story at your wedding.

anyways, needless to say, me and J had an i2i conversation and i dont think i talked to the kid after that. shit was aaaaaaaaall in his car, even though it got john quite a bit. naturally he was pissed too. i mean seriously.. this mafugger brought his issues upon us by force and not by choice. fucking mental. so we peace'd out on him and cut ties. good enough. go get shot by some crazy dad on your own time. oh, and i eventually found out that she was like a head cheerleader or like prom queen or something.... so not only was he stalking, but he was stalking the unattainable. granted, if youre stalking it doesnt have much of a chance of a healthy relationship, but still, stay in your league *somewhat*.

so that was that.

ps... it was a green/lime slurpie. and slurpies get really sticky when they dry. especially on your face.

535 comments:

1 – 200 of 535   Newer›   Newest»
blue said...

had me in stitches

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I have a runny nose and the shits. Today sucks.

5 shits so far

tem said...

HUNGRY.

good post blue.

ToddPacker said...

funny story... well done, jug

tem said...

go for the rocrd meiz.

blue said...

shooting for the stars whilst stalking is always a good idea.

who stalks a normal looking chick?

ToddPacker said...

slurpee > slush puppie

blue said...

drive by slushie-ing is bad. If I was dood who got slushed, i would have taken a shit in the stalkers car to even it out.

blue said...

slurpee >> Icee

blue said...

and what the hell...who's dad is just standing around with a slurpee waiting to throw it at people?

blue said...

If I threw my slurpee at some kids i'd be like "damn, now i gotta go get another slurpee. Stupid kids"

blue said...

has anyone else heard the audio or seen the video of jerry lewis calling some kid an illiterate faggot from his telethon the other day?

ToddPacker said...

i heard that on the stern show this AM.... it wasn't that funny

blue said...

nope, just another example of a crazy old man who doesn't know any better..ala Imus

Big Brother's Brother said...

ftr, if i remember correctly.. pops was outside cause it looked like they had just taken a walk (to get said slurpee).

Big Brother's Brother said...

can u blame them though? retards and negros are a stain on society.

Big Brother's Brother said...

*but the white man is a full blown cancer-causing agent.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Don't forget to make your suicide picks. NFL season starts tomorry

blue said...

i heard fergie's song "big girls don't cry" this morning on my way into work.

How would she know? Shouldn't her song be "big trannies don't cry, or piss their pants"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

That truly is an awful song

blue said...

it's horrible

Tyler said...

Awesome story.

El Padrino said...

freak do i have tw's post?

JFreak said...

yes.

El Padrino said...

aiight son, good lookin'

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Southern Cal has a bye already?

Dan The Man said...

FUCK ALL OF YOU

El Padrino said...

seattle is the obvious suicide pick
followed by pittsburgh then Jax

blue said...

USC needed to get healthy after Idaho beat them up pretty good

blue said...

I'd agree with those 3 picks by EP...although Tampa could come up and bite Seattle...ok, I almost got through saying that without laughing

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I think I'm going with the Loo

keith s said...

"the other day i went for a walk on the patio outside our complex"

A walk on the patio? Do you just walk laps around the outside edge?

blue said...

Louisville?

blue said...

also a reminder that NFL pick'em is due soon too. I think you have until tomorrow afternoon.

El Padrino said...

st.loo is a nice pick to pop that gambling cherry deke

at -1.5 i loaded up on them
i think they win that division this year

preview tomorrow

Big Brother's Brother said...

patio that leads out into the aforementioned amphitheatre area.

blue said...

i'm having visions of Julius Peppers crushing Marc Bulger

El Padrino said...

my vision is stephen jackson flying right by him

everyone knows you can run right at peppers

El Padrino said...

i dont like the word "patio"

Please edit and re-submit.

Regards.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

patio.

keith s said...

Deke would plough Taurasi on the patio.

blue said...

Dan Morgan is back, he won't have a concussion until the 3rd or 4th quarter.

blue said...

Keith using the old english version of "plow"...I like it

blue said...

"plough" is blue approved

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Deke would plough Taurasi on the patio."

sure would.

tem said...

patios are nifty.

Big Brother's Brother said...

edit.

blue said...

what word would you use in replace of patio?..."large clump of flattened cement"?

blue said...

good edit BBB, makes the story take on a much more "high brow" feeling

blue said...

this would have been nice to know before the draft

is Herm just planning on tanking the entire season?

tem said...

good edits blue.

Big Brother's Brother said...

a little more time, i added a little more feeling. details, details.

tem said...

I think in yahoo! league i have LJ.

fucking bluedraft drafted me a crappy team.

but at least i missed the actual draft which took too much time and was TMQ long.

blue said...

The keeper draft was short in time and stature...1:30/pick is the way to go.

Yahoo! and it's 2:30 can lick my scrot

blue said...

Rutgers play Navy on a friday? What's the point in that?

tem said...

2:30 is like 101 times as long as 1:30.

tem said...

the point is to get rutgers another easy win.


if you are in a BCS conference and don't think you have a shot at the national title why would you play a hard out of conference shedule.

win all your out of conference games and then try to win the conference. you'll get a BCS bowl if you do and if you don't win the conference the bowl people will see a 10-2 Rutgers team and put them in a New Year's Day bowl.

Irregardless of strength of schedule.

tem said...

strength of shedule means jack shit when deciding anything but BCS match ups.

tem said...

it almost means jack shit for the BCS stuff too.

If you go undefeated in a BCS conference you go to the title game, its almost as simple as that.

tem said...

SOS can lick my scrotum.

isiah thomas said...

I took Seattle in the suicide pool, I might switch up and take Washington though.

Big Brother's Brother said...

thats a rant

blue said...

you can still go to a BCS bowl if you lose all of your non-conf games but still win the conf. So, a team could realistically go 8-4, or even 7-5 and still end up in a BCS bowl via being the conference champion.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

That's balls, Zeke.

Big Brother's Brother said...

can a hike school team win the state championship if they lose to a JV team?

isiah thomas said...

I'm taking Seattle in my office suicide pool irregardless.

blue said...

speaking of tough skeds...has anyone seen Washington's out of conference games...

They start with syracuse...ok, so that's a gimme, but they're a BCS conf team at least, then they have Boise State, Ohio State, and Hawaii.

Now BSU and Hawaii aren't typically that tough, but both are top 25 this year.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"can a hike school team win the state championship if they lose to the JV team?"

Sure, if they played JV teams. HS has playoffs.

isiah thomas said...

I think UM should still be in the discussion for the MI Hike School State Championships.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

LOF

blue said...

I hope the UM/Oregon game is on TV here this week

Big Brother's Brother said...

my bet was that UM could definitely run game on an Upper Peninsula school.

well.. i'm hopeful at least.

Tyler said...

That Cubs PR guy must have had to work some overtime last night to get Zambrano to apologize.

blue said...

Zambrano should just say "I don't understand the english too good, mayne"

Tyler said...

cumfrost announced that his pre-season pick for MVP is Tom Brady. What a homer.

Tyler said...

I like that picture he has on his profile of himself with that escort. Looks like that was his "date" for the Christmas Party.

Tyler said...

I've got LJ, Westbrook and Portis with Peterson, LaMont Jordan and Kevin Jones on the bench in one league. This LJ news worries me.

Tyler said...

Same league I've got both AZ wideouts. Fuckin' autodraft.

tem said...

that's a good RB core though.

Tyler said...

Wow. This place is dead.

tem said...

Both Ariz WRs will do good though.

well should.

tem said...

If you are 8-4 an fuck up on winning the conference you go to the carquest bowl.


If you are 10-2 and fuck up on winning the conference you go to the Gator bowl on New Year's day.

there is no benefit to playing a tough non conference schedule.

isiah thomas said...

I need to create a checklist or something so I don't forget to update picks/players, etc.

Tyler said...

Yeah, but I'm worried about it going south real fast though Tem. That could happen if Westbrook and/or Portis get hurt. I like Peterson though and I think Kevin Jones is going to be a good option in the second half of the season.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I thought we already covered that, Tem

tem said...

i too need a fantasy checklist.

i might put it up on my wall at work.

tem said...

i mean your RBs could be better if you had like LT, SA, Westbrook, SJax, but that ain't happening.

As far as possible draft things go, you got a good set of RBs.

isiah thomas said...

there's a lady waiting for her shit to print out, and she's literally hugging the printer...

wth?

tem said...

and we might have covered that before meiz, but that won't stop me.

Tyler said...

Don't know if anyone saw this, but for the record, Tits would not invite Taurasi back to the Clam Shack.

tem said...

warm printers print a little bit faster.

by hugging the printer you create ambient heat and speed up the process.

tem said...

tits can shoot higher than the rest of us.

tits can stalk the head cheerleader. i gotta stalk the flag girl.

isiah thomas said...

I hate when people lean on the printer and put their arms and hands all over it.....bc some folks round here look dirty.

Tyler said...

Whenever I hear about the Carquest Bowl I always think it's a made up Bowlgame from a movie for some reason. Like it's one step above the Bourbon Bowl.

tem said...

it is one step below the bourbon bowl.

tem said...

you should get the printer a scarf to warm it up.

blue said...

I'm partial to the poulan weedeater bowl

tem said...

or a sign that says "i'm dating the fax machine and she gets jealous when you put your hands all over me, so leave me the fuck alone."

isiah thomas said...

I was surprised keef said he'd do Serena before Taurasi.

ns

tem said...

meiz LOF.

blue said...

serena has bigger biceps than most men...keith likes his ladies butch

tem said...

serena would break me in half (NS)

tem said...

what announcer chick from the weekend had the huge guns? and by that i mean arms, not boobs.

isiah thomas said...

Sunday night football has quality matchups until week 5 : Chi @ GB

tem said...

grossman vs rogers will be a good QB match up.

blue said...

Griese vs Rodgers by that point

blue said...

ok, time to make a run for the king

tem said...

ah yes, griese vs rogers.

tem said...

maybe they will put hester in at QB.

that would be sweet for my $$$ league if he up and started playing QB.

tem said...

especially if he played DB first and I could get him with QB points and DB eligibility.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"what announcer chick from the weekend had the huge guns? and by that i mean arms, not boobs."


Bonnie Bernstein. She had veins popping and everything. Gross

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I think

isiah thomas said...

Berstein was one of the less-manish bull dykes doing sideline reporting, this news is troubling.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Yep. It was Bonnie B

keith s said...

"Yahoo! and it's 2:30 can lick my scrot"

What Yahoo! league are you in? Every one I'm in has 90 seconds to pick. Unless the altitude in Denver makes 90 seconds = 2:30.

tem said...

yeah that's right.

she is a bear. she'd rip your dick off.

ToddPacker said...

bonnie bernstien bear

keith s said...

"I was surprised keef said he'd do Serena before Taurasi."

They're both dudes, so it's just a matter of which dude you would do first. Serena would probalby kick my ass if I didn't pick him, so there's my reasoning.

ToddPacker said...

post edits = hilarious

tem said...

yeah blue did a good job with the edits.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I enjoy SECpoon.com

keith s said...

The blue era is not meeting expectations.

tem said...

SECpoon.com does not sound SFW.

tem said...

but sounds awesome.

ToddPacker said...

"yeah blue did a good job with the edits"


i think it was jug who did the edits.... the jug era never ended in my opinion

tem said...

keith i too am disappointed with the blue era.

the jug era might never end.

blue said...

Keith, secpoon, is what your blog should strive to be like

blue said...

keith has era jealousy

tem said...

PAC10poon would be nice too.

tem said...

Big10poon might be scary. There are some big girls in the midwest who are totally unaware that they are too large for child's medium shirts.

keith s said...

"Keith, secpoon, is what your blog should strive to be like"

I'm working on it. Rome was not built in a day.

keith s said...

"keith has era jealousy"

I think the correct term is era envy.

ToddPacker said...

division 1-AA-poon > big10-poon

blue said...

"Rome was not built in a day"

that's because their slaves were white, and not mexican...mexicans would have had that shit up in time for siesta

ToddPacker said...

(s)

blue said...

i bet there are some hotties in Boone, NC

blue said...

Weber State is 1-AA and they have been judged as to have the hottest cheerleaders in the NCAA tournament last year

tem said...

i thought about getting an App state shirt for when i go to Ann Arbor tomorrow.

blue said...

although the judges were SG, the dooz and SH, and maybe the baby SH

blue said...

that's a long drive...plus nobody would rent you an apartment, they would quote it really high

keith s said...

"Weber State is 1-AA and they have been judged as to have the hottest cheerleaders in the NCAA tournament last year"

NCAABB doesn't have I-AA though. Weber State and App State are D-1A in bball. I don't understand how that works.

blue said...

really there are 3 divisions of division 1 in football...BCS, Non-BCS and 1-AA

blue said...

"Weber State and App State are D-1A in bball. I don't understand how that works."

my theory is that the smaller schools wanted a playoff system, and everyone thought they were crazy so they seceded

blue said...

I think that's why they changed the names last year to Bowl Division and Championship Division...or whatever the heck the names are now

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

SECpoon is SFW, in my opinion

keith s said...

I-AA is now known as NCAA Division I Football Championship Subdivision. That's dumb.

blue said...

and Division 1-A is supposed to be called Football Bowl Subdivision.

i don't think it's really catching on

isiah thomas said...

SECpoon.com is 100% sfw.....which is disappointing.

keith s said...

"SECpoon.com is 100% sfw"

That's because jean shorts aren't that offensive.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

jean shorts is hilarious.

Some dude came into the store yesterday with "new style"(longer & baggy) jean shorts rolled up to mid-thigh. I almost kicked him out.

blue said...

What was tim tebow doing in Wisconsin?

keith s said...

There's a guy in his 40s or early 50s who always tailgates next to us and he rocks the jean shorts every week. And he drinks Old Milwaukee.

tem said...

sadly i think i own a pair of jean shorts.

i have not worn them in years though.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Old Milwaukee. Classy.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I have a pair of baggy jorts.

they are the opposite of TP jorts.

tem said...

i am pretty sure my jean shorts were baggy. they are old though and i am fat now so they are probably not baggy anymore.

tem said...

i had to write a list of things I am way behind on for work.

I stuck a B&T analysis in there.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Circle of LoV

Tyler said...

A friend of mine rocks the jean shorts when we bowl. His wife buys them for him. His wife should sac up and tell him no more jean shorts.

ToddPacker said...

"they are the opposite of TP jorts"


tp doesn't own any jorts.... but the jeans shorts joke is funny, i think it was started by UGA fans years ago... beth might have some insight on that

Tyler said...

I thought that camo cargo shorts killed the jhort. Apparently I was wrong. The jhort is alive and well.

Tyler said...

Is it jort or jhort?

tem said...

it doesn't matter.

its the same with bitler and blitler.

either way he's racist.

isiah thomas said...

tp doesn't own any jorts....


don't worry TP, you're in the trust tree here, its ok.

tem said...

and blhitler.

keith s said...

For my flex position this week I have T. Bell, M. Lynch, & B. Berrian. Any suggestions?

keith s said...

And that's not Taco Bell or Merrill Lynch

Tyler said...

Ok, I see we're going with jort. I will advise myself of this development.

tem said...

who is lynch playing?

keith s said...

denver

Tyler said...

Lynch is playing Denver. Bell is against Oakland.

Tyler said...

That's a tough one keith.

keith s said...

Berrian is in the Whale's Vagina.

ToddPacker said...

jort per wiki… the pic is funny as hell

isiah thomas said...

I think I might shut it down for the rest of the week:

Today : anticipation of football season

Thursday: Opening game for football

Friday : Friday


See ya monday TPS.

tem said...

jort picture is hilarious.

isiah thomas said...

re: The Bible pic of jort

Is that your best side blue?

Tyler said...

Nice link TP.

ToddPacker said...

is kod a jort model for wiki?

tem said...

i would play lynch.

tem said...

jort guy looks like a midget of some sorts.

isiah thomas said...

keef is it PPR?

I'd prob play Lynch regartless.

keith s said...

No ppr zeke. 1 pt per 20 yds, bonus pt for over 100, 6 pt TDs

tem said...

irregartlezz.

blue said...

I would play Marshawn Lynch...denver's run defense has sucked ass (ns)...but that was before they got simeon rice, so now it will be awesome (s)

blue said...

jort guy is funny

I haven't had a pair of jorts in a long time

keith s said...

OK then it's settled. I'll play Bell.

blue said...

that guys is too skinny to be me

tem said...

good call keith.

using the fmtem strategy is wise.

keith s said...

What does the suicide league winner get this year?

blue said...

suicide winner gets to call himself "Champ" for a year

keith s said...

Oh yay.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I want football. Now.

tem said...

and rev will send you some cheese whiz.

tem said...

i will ante up and volunteer to send the suicide winner a small prize. i'll have to think of what sports related piece of crap i have that i can send.

tem said...

or maybe a 6 pack of some columbus brewing company beer.

keith s said...

Throw in some Buckeyes. Nobody can resist those peanut butter treats.

blue said...

the winner of each pick'em pool will get a crappy prize too. I just gotta think of something. Maybe beer, or something from the coors brewery.

Burger King is giving away mini nfl jerseys with kids meals, so maybe one of those.

blue said...

Or snow

keith s said...

2 bills

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 535   Newer› Newest»

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino