The If Week

Well this week was a huge "If" week for my money fantasy team, which is the sister of the "and then" game. For those of you who don't know (mid sentence side note: I have decided to just assume that thousands of people read these posts, it makes me feel cooler than I am.) the "and then" game is when you lay out a series of situations that have to happen to lead to something that was seemingly impossible happening, or at least very unlikely. Eltardo (this is what we call the Sports Guy) is pretty much the champion of the "and then" game.

Pretty soon Eltardo will write an "and then" column about how the Red Sox will win the world series. It will go something like if Manny comes back and is at 80% effectiveness and then Dice K's arm rebounds and then Schilling pitches like he did 5 years ago and then Wakefield's knuckler is unhittable and then the other series' go the full length and 'our' starters get to rest and then the bullpen holds up and then Paps returns to mid season form, then the Sox will win the series. It is as simple as that.

Random Side Note: I think Eltardo's dog, the Dooze, must have died. He never mentions him anymore. Everyone should send him a sympathy card for his loss.

Anyway, I need to get back on track with the "If" week. The "If" week is when the result of something would have been reversed if one thing had happened. A great example is my money fantasy league, I lost by 3 points. So if Jeff Wilkens would have made one of those field goals he missed I would have won, if I had started Witten instead of Miller at TE I would have won (I am kicking myself for this, I didn't like Witten's match up with the Bears), if Rudi hadn't shit the bed, if someone other than Bush had scored one of those Saints TDs, etc...etc.. There are about 10 more I could list, but honestly I am getting bored with typing them. Also you all should note that the "If" week can happen in real life too, I'm sure everyone plays it in their head after a weekend. If I had said this, if I had done that, etc, etc.

Random Side Note: Breaking news, Ohio State's 3rd String QB got busted for solicitation last night. I have no clue why a college QB at THE Ohio State University would need to pay for it, but apparently this kid does. Maybe he was buying it for a friend?

Well now it is time for the tem movie review of a movie tem has not seen:

Captain Corelli's Mandolin: This movie has Nicolas Cage in it and it is about war, so it should be good. But it has the worst title ever for a war movie. This means it isn't really about war. It is about this guy, Captain Corelli, who loses his mandolin, which is some sort of musical instrument. They never really tell you why he took it to war with him, but he did, and he lost it. So he has to go find it. So he looks all over, let's say France, for it and finally finds it. Sadly for him the Fratelli family is also looking for it. In the end he finds his mandolin and outsmarts the Fratelli's. Also even though he has braces he gets to kiss the chick. And a fat guy did a funny dance, the truffle shuffle, because he was looking for truffles in France.

In the end this movie loses lots of points for pretending to be about war. 2 helmet stickers out of 5.

OK I am spent so have at it bee snatches.