Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The If Week

Well this week was a huge "If" week for my money fantasy team, which is the sister of the "and then" game. For those of you who don't know (mid sentence side note: I have decided to just assume that thousands of people read these posts, it makes me feel cooler than I am.) the "and then" game is when you lay out a series of situations that have to happen to lead to something that was seemingly impossible happening, or at least very unlikely. Eltardo (this is what we call the Sports Guy) is pretty much the champion of the "and then" game.

Pretty soon Eltardo will write an "and then" column about how the Red Sox will win the world series. It will go something like if Manny comes back and is at 80% effectiveness and then Dice K's arm rebounds and then Schilling pitches like he did 5 years ago and then Wakefield's knuckler is unhittable and then the other series' go the full length and 'our' starters get to rest and then the bullpen holds up and then Paps returns to mid season form, then the Sox will win the series. It is as simple as that.

Random Side Note: I think Eltardo's dog, the Dooze, must have died. He never mentions him anymore. Everyone should send him a sympathy card for his loss.

Anyway, I need to get back on track with the "If" week. The "If" week is when the result of something would have been reversed if one thing had happened. A great example is my money fantasy league, I lost by 3 points. So if Jeff Wilkens would have made one of those field goals he missed I would have won, if I had started Witten instead of Miller at TE I would have won (I am kicking myself for this, I didn't like Witten's match up with the Bears), if Rudi hadn't shit the bed, if someone other than Bush had scored one of those Saints TDs, etc...etc.. There are about 10 more I could list, but honestly I am getting bored with typing them. Also you all should note that the "If" week can happen in real life too, I'm sure everyone plays it in their head after a weekend. If I had said this, if I had done that, etc, etc.

Random Side Note: Breaking news, Ohio State's 3rd String QB got busted for solicitation last night. I have no clue why a college QB at THE Ohio State University would need to pay for it, but apparently this kid does. Maybe he was buying it for a friend?

Well now it is time for the tem movie review of a movie tem has not seen:

Captain Corelli's Mandolin: This movie has Nicolas Cage in it and it is about war, so it should be good. But it has the worst title ever for a war movie. This means it isn't really about war. It is about this guy, Captain Corelli, who loses his mandolin, which is some sort of musical instrument. They never really tell you why he took it to war with him, but he did, and he lost it. So he has to go find it. So he looks all over, let's say France, for it and finally finds it. Sadly for him the Fratelli family is also looking for it. In the end he finds his mandolin and outsmarts the Fratelli's. Also even though he has braces he gets to kiss the chick. And a fat guy did a funny dance, the truffle shuffle, because he was looking for truffles in France.

In the end this movie loses lots of points for pretending to be about war. 2 helmet stickers out of 5.

OK I am spent so have at it bee snatches.

528 comments:

1 – 200 of 528   Newer›   Newest»
ToddPacker said...

if my team didn't suck, i might not be 0-3 in my $$$ league

ToddPacker said...

mets bullpen looked solid last night (giant S)

ToddPacker said...

way to drop in a "truffle shuffle" line, tem

ToddPacker said...

i didn't watch any of the MNF game last night.... the mets angered me too much

El Padrino said...

third stringers get no nookie

ToddPacker said...

natty to start the day

El Padrino said...

pelfrey walked the park tp, Glavine tonight

faith

tem said...

TP is a pro at the if week/game.

blue said...

tem left out the fact that penelope cruz gets naked in that movie...but has hairy armpits, so the nakedness loses some of its luster.

El Padrino said...

tem you aint the only one who benched witten

tem said...

3rd string QB should get nookie.

blue said...

so IF penelope cruz had shaved her pits for that movie, it would be 3 helmet stickers

tem said...

is that true blue? i might have to add a helmet sticker.

i didn't even know she was in it.

tem said...

witten made me pay dearly. but it is OK, I am 2-1 and still in first.

but if Rudi is hurt or keeps playing poorly i am fucked, my team has no depth.

blue said...

i kept drifting off watching the game last night, and everytime I would wake up, Bullock would intercept another Brees pass

El Padrino said...

RIP Dooze.

tem said...

or they had to get rid of dooze because he kept trying to eat the baby.

tem said...

either way, the Dooze is gone.

***pouring out some King Cobra for the Dooze***

ToddPacker said...

i never liked dooze.... i'm glad he's dead

blue said...

I am now ranked 699th, in the 99.4th percentile of eltardo's pick'em league

tem said...

i am ranked 67,562

tem said...

39.9 percentile.

blue said...

i'm toying with the idea of taking Houston this week in the suicide pool

El Padrino said...

now we just need ms tp's poodle dead and we'll be all set

tem said...

i thought TP was taking care of that.

Big Brother's Brother said...

ok, to my negroz with a 360...

whats the one must have game? (non-sports/Halo)

ToddPacker said...

"now we just need ms tp's poodle dead and we'll be all set"


1st - that would be great

2nd - it's not tp's dog... it's cmtp's dog, and i hate the thing

3rd - the dog isn't going to see october if the mets choke away this 2 game lead

ToddPacker said...

4th - i can't read... i didn't see the "ms" in front of tp

blue said...

don't worry, phils will lose 2 of 3 against the marlins and then cry "why not us"

ToddPacker said...

rooting for the braves is strange for a mets fan

Big Brother's Brother said...

sid bream thanks you

tem said...

non sports bbb? i haven't a clue.

blue said...

so duece is done for the year?

blue said...

shit, the phils don't play the marlins, they play the nats to finish out...please substitute the word Nationals for Marlins in my previous comment.

regards

tem said...

duece is done, dooze is dead.

ToddPacker said...

they play the braves also, blue

blue said...

zed's dead

blue said...

"they play the braves also, blue"

yeah, but they'll sweep the braves, then get all confident and cocky and then pull a "philly" against the nats.

El Padrino said...

"ok, to my negroz with a 360...

whats the one must have game? (non-sports/Halo)"

Latest Call of Duty or Medal of Honor
Latest Splinter Cell or Rainbow Six
Ghost Recon is pretty gnarly

and i hear good things about Bioshock & Gears of War

blue said...

did anyone see the rant by OK State's coach? I heard it was pretty funny

ToddPacker said...

meeting time.... 10:00 and 11:30

El Padrino said...

more 360 talk

How could I forget about Crackdown?

please buy Crackdown

you will thank me
(freak listened and is wiser for it)

El Padrino said...

blue it was great, not funny at all
i was touched

NS

tem said...

i missed the rant, what was it about?

was it like the coach's rant at the end of Blue Chips?

was it a temrant?

El Padrino said...

no, some local paper took to task the QB on OK State and the coach ripped the paper and the media in support of the kid who had his mommmy show the coach the story

let me find it on you tube so you can see it, it was really good.

blue said...

I just watched it...I agree it wasn't funny, but the coach speaks the truth.

one line did make me laugh though..."come after me, i'm a MAN! I'm forty"

blue said...

there's a link to it on the front page of WWL or go here

El Padrino said...

OK state press conference

blue said...

it was a pretty good temrant by that guy

blue said...

Big-12 has some fun, animated coaches.

tem said...

that was interesting.

Beth said...

"blue it was great, not funny at all i was touched
NS"

EP, you're just overly emotional cause of the Mets...

Well, either that or you're a wuss. :-)

tem said...

that was a temrant.

Big Brother's Brother said...

360 - Gears of War was pretty tight... love Rainbow 6 and Ghost Recon ish.. think i'm copping GR2.

i thought i had hear good things about FEAR, but cant remember..

COD has a new one out in a couple months.. one good thing about picking this stuff up now is lots of good 30-40$ games.

-gimme the scoop on Crackdown

blue said...

I do like what he's saying, and you notice he stares down the chick that wrote the article.

Beth said...

The Mets will be fine though, the Braves are about to take 2 out of 3 or sweep the Phillies. The Bravos are finally playing good ball.

El Padrino said...

but beth that's the difference between the pr level and college

emotion

think bobby petrino is going to be upset about benching harrington or did you see del rio defend lefwhich when the papers would jump on him about being benched?

*i'm still more of a pro fan but jus sayin, it's nice to have some human element once in awhile

Big Brother's Brother said...

MATURE 17+
Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Sexual Themes, Strong Language, Use of Drugs

-sounds like a good start

El Padrino said...

"gimme the scoop on Crackdown"

shooting
drugs
guns
crime
hookers
car chases
killin
more crime

El Padrino said...

it's GTA but if only GTA was on HGH

Big Brother's Brother said...

its in the basket

El Padrino said...

it's so satisfying to play that you can cancel the 3pm with your therapist and just play that

Beth said...

I'm all for emotion EP, but you don't think the coach went overboard? He was almost out of control.

There's another clip on youtube where the writer and her editor are talking about it - apparently she talked to the coach later and asked him what exactly he was claiming was untrue in the article and he wouldn't answer that.

El Padrino said...

another analogy?

ok cuz i'm on fire here ya go

Top 3 Stress relivers.

1) blowjob
2) play crackdown
3) chinese jerk and squirt

blue said...

this is why women should not be sportswriters. she can't take it, can't hack it, so she makes up stuff to make her seem important

El Padrino said...

reporters are slime, he din't go overboard

Overboard would have been screaming in her face or puttin her in the figure four leg lock

either way i'm betting OSU next week no matter who they play

Big Brother's Brother said...

so EP, you tired from standing in line last night or were u smart?

blue said...

they play Sam Houston State, probably won't be able to get a line for them.

El Padrino said...

*pointing to head and winking (implying that i'm smart)

Big Brother's Brother said...

(havent seen/read anything, but..) coach shouldve said "come out to practice and throw the ball once."

Big Brother's Brother said...

u got Live?

blue said...

I like what that coach did from a perspective of his players. If I was one of his players, he would get helmet stickers for standing up for them.

Every player in that lockerroom respects that coach and will play their asses off for him now.

Big Brother's Brother said...

glad theres no softball tonight, dont think i could run with my H3 woodie

Beth said...

Wow, guess I am in the minority about the coach's temrant. I thought it was too much. But I do agree with you blue about how his players must love it.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"zed's dead"

Oooh. Better not go throwing Pulp Fiction quotes out there if Keef's around.

Keef hates Pulp Fiction

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I hear good things about Bioshock, BBB.

tem said...

you are in the minority beth.

but it is interesting that he wouldn't tell the reporter what was inaccurate.

El Padrino said...

i hooked up live for a weekend and almost got divorced

so yes i have it but dont use it nearly as much as i should

although sometimes i just want to play with myself

(ha)

tem said...

the reporter must have slept with a player, got good info, and the coach is pissed about that.

plus the reporter doesn't need to be attacking a college kid, like the coach said.

Beth said...

"Keef hates Pulp Fiction"

I'm with Keef on that, but figured Pulp Fiction was just a guy thing.

El Padrino said...

i cant believe keef hates pulp

what's to hate?

blue said...

I don't know, how can you not like Pulp fiction

El Padrino said...

so keef also hates the following

tasty burgers
guns
blood
killing
dancing
cocaine
foot messages
dominatrix
boxing
gourmet coffee
and diners

for shame keef

tem said...

i don't like uma thurmann at all.

tem said...

but PF is still great.

blue said...

he also hates pride..."fuck pride"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"what's to hate?"


"Tarrantino is annoying." (sic)

blue said...

he's not a big fan of heroin either

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Don't forget the heroin

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

i2i

blue said...

i'm hit or miss with tarantino, but I even liked his character in PF.

tem said...

i liked dawn to dusk too.

tem said...

or dusk to dawn if you want to be accurate.

El Padrino said...

not cheese heroin but regular, of course

and i missed andrenaline shot

El Padrino said...

dusk til dawn was quite the movie
i like all of QT's stuff

Death Proof is in QUE

blue said...

I wasn't a huge fan of the Kill Bill's though..

tem said...

same here blue, but that is due to my dislike of uma.

blue said...

I watched that show "CHUCK" last night...not a bad show. The chick in it is smokin hot, and she's in her underwear in 2 different scenes...which is nice.

El Padrino said...

i loved kill bill, both of them

Beth said...

Blue, I watched "Chuck" last night and I'd say it's definitely watchable. It's got 2 things going for it - the hot "chick", and the lead guy is pretty likeable.

Did you watch "Journeyman"? It's basically Quantum Leap with a family, but still decent I thought.

tem said...

i saw commercials for the new quantum leap. looked alright.

tem said...

Chuck looked dumb, but had a hot chick in it.

blue said...

I didn't watch Journeyman, at that point, i switched back to the football game full time

tem said...

no point in watching a TV show until season 3. otherwise it will just get cancelled on you.

wait until then and then catch up on the DVDs.

blue said...

I'll watch new shows, at least an episode or 2. The second episode usually makes or breaks it for me.

I watched K-ville last week and found it stupid. I'll watch episode 2 of chuck, and with it being the lead in for Heroes, my guess is it'll be around for awhile.

Big Brother's Brother said...

new quantum leap? wtf.

blue said...

I like how tv show ideas, typically dramas, get re-made over and over again.

(s)

El Padrino said...

i dont own a motorboat but i could float your boat

tem said...

i like to motorboat

Big Brother's Brother said...

the slandering of PF is unsettling.

JFreak said...

Peter has amnesia.

Takezo Kensei is a drunk british guy.

Nathan is two face.

JFreak said...

"so keef also hates the following"

fireworks

damn commie

blue said...

keith also hates poon

blue said...

ok, that wasn't true

Lou said...

"Keef hates Pulp Fiction"


I don't understand? What does that mean? Those words look funny in the same sentence, must be a typo.

isiah thomas said...

now we just need ms tp's poodle dead and we'll be all set


Operation Kill Poochie 2.0 will not be denied.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Blue, new poon today?

blue said...

probably no new poon today...I think it'll be a M/W/F type of thing unless I get some great pictures from emails

El Padrino said...

how much longer til no jorts zeke?

isiah thomas said...

I was watching Countdown to Taylor/Pavlick last night.

UBER chub for this fight.

Saturday. Regular HBO.

Watch it.

isiah thomas said...

not sure, no one knows the official date.

I think I'm going to hold firm though, if shorts are ok for the big corp dress code then f them.

El Padrino said...

i have to think taylor is going to win, although iam scared of a guy from Youngstown Ohio and i like "Ghost" as a nickname

El Padrino said...

you want odds on that let me know
thye come up thursday

isiah thomas said...

I think Taylor should win but Pavlick can punch like bad mofo.

Should be a good test for him.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I got someone with connections working on PBF tickets.

isiah thomas said...

keefer sutherland with a DUI

Death on the set of Dark Knight

good day for Hollywood

El Padrino said...

PBF is dancing with stars

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"PBF is dancing with stars"

Thusly, he will lose.

isiah thomas said...

Deke we'll be here to pick up the pieces when Hatton gets KO'd.

El Padrino said...

Deuce out for year

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Let's not start this again. Floyd doesn't KO people.

El Padrino said...

Bush owners rejoice!

(I am one of them, money league)

El Padrino said...

TKO

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Bigelow?

El Padrino said...

and zeke might as well grab Stecker too, just in case
or Karney

isiah thomas said...

Let's not start this again. Floyd doesn't KO people.


You must have missed his destruction of Gatti.

Hatton is Gatti-esque.

isiah thomas said...

I lost Del Homie, Vern Davis and SJax from my money league team yesterday.

Not a good day.

isiah thomas said...

we touched on this briefly last night, I still think Reggie can be an effective "every down" back.

isiah thomas said...

Sean Payton had a terrible, terrible, terrible game coaching last night.

El Padrino said...

third in a row zeke
not good

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Tem, bee-snatches is beginning to become the new bitchcakes.

It makes me feel like a homo. And I don't like that.

Spaceman Spiff said...

sean payton was running the brunell, no passes over 10 yards game, except with no rushing to go with it

El Padrino said...

it was pitiful

isiah thomas said...

deke speaks the truth on this

isiah thomas said...

his panick move on 4th and 1 was retarted.

isiah thomas said...

panick

is not spelt correctly

tem said...

bee snatches is bad?

tem said...

you dislike the snatch of a bee.

it's just a tiny snatch.

blue said...

TMQ offers up this workout vidyeo for zeke

I know you love archuleta

isiah thomas said...

watching Archuletta fail miserably and repeatedly on Sunday night warmed my heart.

keith s said...

Oooooh, deke told on me. But yeah that's right, I don't like any QT movies.

keith s said...

I think he's a douche and his movies suck.

keith s said...

But I ♥ a tasty burger

JFreak said...

FREAK OF NATURE: THE ADAM ARCHULETA WORKOUT

Spaceman Spiff said...

landry >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>archuleta

Spaceman Spiff said...

archuleta

keith s said...

I have Bush in my $$ league, but I also have Alexander & his broken wrist. That guy is brittle

keith s said...

Tom Landry is dead.

Spaceman Spiff said...

a-rod is purchasing the colts

blue said...

there is a rumor going around that A-rod has put in a bid to buy Pakistan

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Don't be bitter Keith. It's all fun.

isiah thomas said...

Blue I chuckled at that. (ns)

keith s said...

Nah, I'm not bitter. I knew some heat would follow that comment.

blue said...

bitterness is why keith's era ended so quickly

blue said...

and then he was bitter about that

keith s said...

blue
How long was your era?

isiah thomas said...

the blue era or the blue error?

El Padrino said...

heheheee

giggles all around

tem said...

the pac10poon era is working nicely.

isiah thomas said...

poon is timeless

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

time is timeless

El Padrino said...

Just to clarify Batman is not dead.

isiah thomas said...

I hope they got the accident on film, include it in the director's cut dvd.

Lou said...

LOV Assemble

I need your help, in my FFL league I'm matching up with a buddy of mine this weekend, and the shit is being thrown around already.


His league name is "Chosen Chaos" I need a good way to make fun of this....

El Padrino said...

elton john has kiddie porn

El Padrino said...

Rev please advise if your a fan of the Rocket Man, if so you have 10 minutes to clear your desk before we call security.

isiah thomas said...

*blowing into conch shell

Lou said...

Payment In Advance for the help

El Padrino said...

aye ya ya

El Padrino said...

for starters that name is gay
as in only a tool would come up with that name

Chaos sounds like an American Gladiator name or something

and dont forget you can always revert to "your mom is a crack whore" jokes

isiah thomas said...

blocked on the "payment"

we need more info on the guy/some background

El Padrino said...

other than that i have nothing

El Padrino said...

Does he have red hair?

isiah thomas said...

I Fuck Chosen Chaos's Mom


works for me.

El Padrino said...

spiff, hilarious(flay)

Lou said...

haha

na he's not a red head.


His boss is in the league so I have be kinda subtle.

I was putting something simple in "smack talk" like

"More Like UnChosen Celibacy"

El Padrino said...

vick again

isiah thomas said...

FTR: Kosmo is now a Master Pick-Up Artist.


I'd like to see a Season 2 of that show, this time only select uber dorks.

El Padrino said...

BBB just so you know

HALO (the game series)
will become a movie at some point

Spaceman Spiff said...

on the keifer DUI:
"According to the L.A. Sheriff's Dept. website, the actor is 5'10" and weighs 150 lbs."

yea fucking right, no way in hell he is 5'10" i think he paid someone to slip the zero in there

tem said...

cancel that yahoo! trade.

i sent that before duece went down with a big ass injury.

El Padrino said...

spiff i've seen him in person, maybe 5 yards in front of me

he is so not 5"10, 5"7 i'd say

keith s said...

The payment chick has a smokin body but she's got some chompers. Damn!

isiah thomas said...

when did you agree to this trade, yesterday?

tem said...

i sent that trade friday.

the other side agreed today.

i forgot to cancel it this morning.

El Padrino said...

interesting

isiah thomas said...

interesting indeed, my first reaction is to not cancel it.

tem said...

ok, my team is terrible anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

El Padrino said...

one question:

if he accepted it friday would you be asking for the cancellation?

tem said...

nope, not if he accepted friday.

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino