Friday, September 21, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

Babblings of a degenerate:

Who's the Schaub gonna throw to? Jacoby Jones, please step up.

Charlie's pants might bust after going 0-4. Lock up the children, it won't be pretty.

I want to bet Michigan but just can't. I'm scarred. They remind me of the song "Can't get it out of my head" --- "That girl is Pooooiiisooon".

Colts/Texans for the division lead. NOT SARCASM.

Drastic things will go down if the Giants get abused by the Redskins

Romo coverage on Sunday night. Take the butt of a rifle and bash my skull in.

Miami (Da U) scored 31, wtf?

Last week's numbers
Pro: 0-3-1
College: 2-1
Teaser: 1-0
Parlay: 0-1
Suicide Picks : 2-0
Overall
7-6-1

College :
ARKANSAS - 7 over Kentucky ($50)
Huge win for Kentucky last week. They had an emotional win while Arkansas suffered an emotional loss in Tuscaloosa. This can mean one of two things. Either Kentucky carries that high into Razorback Nation and plays lights out or they are still patting themselves on tha back and will get romped by a pissed off Arkansas team that is looking for a punching bag. Latter, please stand up.

CAL-16 over Arizona ($50)
Cal has to have revenge on their minds in this year's meeting with the Wildcats. They really de-railed a possible BCS game for Cal when they beat them by 4 at home. Revenge is a motherfucker.

OVER 54 - Air Force @ B.Y.U ($25)
4 out of the last 6 meetings have gone over 60 points. The over is 7-2 in the last 9 Air Force road games AND the over is 10-2 in the past 12 BYU conference games. I also wanted to show some love to the Mountain West division.

Pros:
BALTIMORE -8 over Arizona ($50)
Not much history to rely on as these two teams haven't played since 2003 but you have to like the Baltimore defense vs. Matt Leinart who has not looked good in his first two games this year. Seattle bailed Arizona out of a loss last week and even though Edge has been running well the first two games he goes up against a meaner, more physical front seven.

DENVER -3 over Jacksonville ($75)
This has to be the lock of the week. Even though Denver has not looked sharp, Jacksonville has looked less than sharp. Rushing the ball is what Shanahan does best and I can assure you Travis Henry will gauge them for some big gains. Garrard better start producing otherwise Del Rio is going to start feeeeeeelin' it.

St.Louis +4 over TAMPA BAY ($100)
Tampa is not used to laying points so when they do I usually take them. Stats : Tampa is 2-7-1 ATS in their last 10 vs NFC teams. Tampa is 3-8-1 ATS in their last 12 games. Now I know they beat up on the Saints but St. Loo is looking to get on the board here and Stephen Jackson is pissed off. This is a nice moneyline bet too, I expect the Rams to win.

Carolina -4 over ATLANTA ($50)
The Panthers aka Dr. Jekyll return to championship form. Just in time to lull you into taking them next week when they will lose. John Fox will be damned if he got beat by Joey Harrington. Carolina has won 3 out of the last 4 vs. the Falcons. Yum-yum now.

The Parlay (0-1): Georgia Tech -3, B.C -28, Jets -3
The Teaser (1-0): (the key is to pick tight games, blowouts are bad unless your laying)
Jets +9
Minnesota +15
St. Loo +19
Giants +16

Suicide Picks (2-0) : New England (duh, don''t be scared if the game is close) & NY Jets

Happy Yom Kippur Bill!

870 comments:

1 – 200 of 870   Newer›   Newest»
ToddPacker said...

the mets made me throw up last night

El Padrino said...

The mets played last night?

ToddPacker said...

is willie in a coma?

ToddPacker said...

if delgado is going to play today, why not bring him in the 9th for def purposes.... old man conine stretched like 2 inches on the wright error

ToddPacker said...

sosa is the best they got to close a game.... then he brings him back out in the 10th

ToddPacker said...

why was endy playing on the warning track.... he could get to a routine pop-up

ToddPacker said...

reyes k with the bases load was terrible

Beth said...

Just to throw salt on those open wounds EP & TP, Chipper went 3-4 for last night and is currently leading the NL in batting. :-)

ToddPacker said...

hey it looks like the braves are back in it too

ToddPacker said...

larry is the best

(s)

El Padrino said...

who gives a shit about chipper

El Padrino said...

i cant fathom what is happening
really i cant

and the marlins celebrated like then won the W.S

El Padrino said...

willie nd his joe torre impression is really pissing me off

El Padrino said...

this is pain

ToddPacker said...

why sosa? the guy has been terrible for about a month

El Padrino said...

at least i have the giants







FFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!

El Padrino said...

Where are the kids?

Collazo had one of the best years in the entire organization

Humber?

Sosa????? I have to watch Sosa pitch the ninth with a 3 run lead?

ToddPacker said...

ep, i'm a jets fan, so it's even worse for me..... at least i have my jorts and the gators

ToddPacker said...

"Sosa????? I have to watch Sosa pitch the ninth with a 3 run lead?"


then he brings him back to seal the deal in the 10th

El Padrino said...

the bullpen has been terrible all year so maybe it's better we don't make the playoffs

that way maybe willie would get fired, re-tool the bullpen and find more spanish players

fuck
i dont know if this is sarcasm or truth

El Padrino said...

jets win this weekend and will most likely finish with the same or better (record) then the giants

El Padrino said...

and i'm a knick fan

so there.

ToddPacker said...

"i dont know if this is sarcasm or truth"


it's pain... like walken holding on to a watch

El Padrino said...

and the only team i root strongly for in college lost to appalachian st in week one

so double there.

ToddPacker said...

"and i'm a knick fan

so there"


so am i

El Padrino said...

nice pulp ref.

El Padrino said...

When you think you've had enough...of this life......




EVERYBODY HURTS!

sometimes.

tem said...

umm it's friday.

someone had to say it.

ToddPacker said...

good point.... you got me beat with michigan.... i can't complain, it's been a nice ride for the gators the last 2 years

ToddPacker said...

shut up, tem

ToddPacker said...

sorry, tem... that's carry over hate from watching the mets blow

ToddPacker said...

i have a mountain of friday tps

ToddPacker said...

damn, i can't even get a natty.... i feel like the mets bullpen

El Padrino said...

blow that mountain up with a daisy cutter and call it a day

El Padrino said...

WINGS. today

ToddPacker said...

wwl headline:

"Malaisin' Mets"

i think i want to punch someone

tem said...

At least you aren't a Notre Dame fan.

ToddPacker said...

good point, tem

El Padrino said...

good point, but i think only jews are notre dame fans

El Padrino said...

and in that case they reap what they sow

El Padrino said...

on a good note i feel good about my picks

El Padrino said...

poison. ingest. now.

El Padrino said...

fuck you willie you aint joe torre

El Padrino said...

throw something, your a black man how could you not be angry!!!

think of jena 6
think of the oprression
think of the plight of the balck man

do it for KUNTA!!!!!!!!!!!

El Padrino said...

beth dropping that chipper comment just to tweak the nipples

you must be a woman, there is no doubt

tem said...

maybe waits until he gets into the locker room. then beats the shit out of everyone.

ToddPacker said...

the calm-cool willie act is getting old

El Padrino said...

no, tem have you ever seen one of his press conferences?

it seems as if maybe, just maybe, he's dead

ToddPacker said...

i didn't read last nights comments.... was rev on talking philly smack

El Padrino said...

WAKE UP WILLIE!

SUCK THE SNAKE POISON OUT OF YOUR TEAMS ASS!

THEY ARE DYING!!!!!!!

Lou said...

I had the greatest dream last night. I was cheating on my girlfriend with Jessica Alba. Me and "Jess" where sneaking around and athing.


it was awsome!!!

Lou said...

I got busted in the end, but it was worth it.

blue said...

that's totally worth it lou

El Padrino said...

better than my dream

i dreamt the mets won last night

blue said...

make or break weekend for the rockies...probably break

tem said...

i have never seen him do anything actually.

tem said...

i dreamt i was in a Harry Potter movie.

it was the dumbest dream ever.

tem said...

i wish i had Lou's dream instead.

tem said...

or really almost any other dream.

El Padrino said...

old school rides and roller coasters hosted my Matt Dillon

blue said...

Pac10 poon decided to be lazy today

tem said...

lazt bastard.

blue said...

hey, there's still poon though.

tem said...

*lazy

tem said...

but it is poony enough?

tem said...

*is it

blue said...

maybe I should have a poll on whether it's poony enough

blue said...

if i've learnt anything, it's that polls reflect the pulse of society

El Padrino said...

i wanna see into the wild

Beth said...

"i dreamt the mets won last night"

You probably just woke up too soon, I'm sure they'd have blown their lead if you'd slept longer.

El Padrino said...

fuck nuts wants to come here and lay awreath at ground zero, um no

El Padrino said...

shut up beth

Beth said...

Actually, as much fun as it is giving you and TP grief EP, I really can sympathize with your pain. I mean think of how many times the Braves ended up choking during their run (1996 anyone?).

(ns)

Of course sympathizing and not teasing are totally different things...

blue said...

the mets are just "resting" for the playoffs

El Padrino said...

valid point, bravos have been gaggin for years

tem said...

at least you aren't a pirate fan.

El Padrino said...

who the fuck is a pirate fan?

Big Brother's Brother said...

iranian dude checking down that reporter is funny.

Big Brother's Brother said...

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh (since i didnt get one in on N.P.Day)

tem said...

i like the pirates.

:-(

ToddPacker said...

i missed NP day

tem said...

TDiLoVH is a bitch. I can see why zeke and deke never kept doing it.

There were 3 posts last year on this day. I'm going to do TDiLoVH for 2 of them and hope that someone picks the ball up for the 3rd (which is an el pad betting column)

ToddPacker said...

":-("


beth get out of tem's head

ToddPacker said...

TDiLoVH does seem like a lot of work

ToddPacker said...

maybe a weekly thing... TWiLoVH.... list the posts of the week and maybe some highlights form the comments

Big Brother's Brother said...

excellent amount of dedication

El Padrino said...

tem so your :
a pirate fan
a buc fan
a wvu fan

interesting

tem said...

i am from the part of WV near Pittsburgh.

But I don't like the Steelers because everyone liked the Steelers.


I also like the Penguins and the Nets.

blue said...

I thought you were a pirate fan because they could win you money, and that was the only reason.

blue said...

the nets?

El Padrino said...

tdinlovh, el pad's post:

rev and los taking curtain calls for the podcasts

freak went to chitown

i called sg a douche for saying he caught a cold in nyc and promised to pur out some beer for BIGGIE

TJW with celeb news:
Also bobby brown finally spoke out about the break up..hes devastated

jug being jug:
I hear for the half time show at the Saints game they are going to bring out about 50 Katrina evacuees so they can shit on the field for old times sake.

tjw with the patened move:
I love the put the hand in the back of the pants and slide it around move!!! its classic...another I call the move to get them to bang is..
i go down to eat out...come up to kiss..go down to eat up..come up to kiss..now they trust when icome up im gonna kiss..now i go down to eat up..come up to kiss but slide the hotdog into the bun.....such a great transition that avoids any conversation

El Padrino said...

oh and rev busted out a 8 scroller on sg's article with sports ho

El Padrino said...

for those i did not mention, my apologies, blame the word summarize

tem said...

my summary is longer.

tem said...

TDiLoVH:

3 Posts on This day in LOV History

Post 1: Suicide Pool Picks Page
Author: Rev
Topic: Umm suicide pool picks
Comments: 13

Highlights from Comments Section:

Umm, people picked their suicide picks. Apparently we this was before Yahoo! was invented.


Post 2: The Rev’s Sermon
Author: Rev
Topic: Rev talks sports. Wants the Phillies to win so he can buy a hat. Talks about other baseball races. Also he made fun of the NHL. Rev invites people to talk on Sunday nights during the football game…this was when LOV AD was conceived. It took awhile to be born, just like a human baby.
Comments: 156

Highlights from Comments Section:

Tem predicts the Rocket will do his “pitch for half a season thing” for another 3 or 4 years. (So 1 down, a few to go)

Jugdish – “Buying prefaded/pre cut shit is LAME!” (In reference to The GAP)

El pad – “Plus he's a douchebag” (in reference to The Rocket)

Circle of LOV moment: El Pad says “speaking of man-laws:
i didnt know metro-sexuals could be in a beer commercial
anyone see the one with Oscar DeLa Hoya...i know he was a good boxer but he is totally a metro-sexual.”

Another one from El Pad “wait, i got married a year ago this October. my entrance theme was the Bulls inro music and i made my wife low five the bridal party on the way in and chest bumped my best man. my grandma was horrified” (in response to Rev trying to get some Philadelphia announcer guy to announce his bridal party)

Everyone accuses The Rocket of being on roids.

Zeke – “I was gonna wait 3 days but decided to come back earlier.” (Apparently this was when he decided he needed a break from LOV, but LOV is too awesome)

Zeke – “rev : of course, along with hate, petty and bitter - useless info is a pillar of the LOV foundation.” (In response to Rev saying that LOV was founded on useless info)

Spaceman Spiff – “stupid whitlock letters to self, i hope he gets heart disease”

Discussion about Spaceballs and a possible Spaceballs cartoon. Linking skillz were very poor.

Beth – “DMX needs to keep quiet, he's going to ruin it for all us women rapists out there. We've been able to stay under the radar so far.” (In response to DMX claiming he was raped).

Random wedding and reception talk.


Post 3 el pad just summarized.

tem said...

we might have to have a B&T today too. just go all fucking out with TDiLoVH and B&T.

blue said...

that's a lot of summarizing

tem said...

indeed.

tem said...

TPS and I are on a break, so I have some time.

blue said...

There was a shooting at Deleware State University...who knew there was a DSU?

El Padrino said...

it's great stuff

blue said...

why would someone go to Delaware on purpose?

Lou said...

What's a Delaware?

El Padrino said...

Delaware was the first state and if your not first, your last.

tem said...

Delaware is a city just north of Columbus.

So when they report the news here they have to say "a shooting at Delaware St. University, located in the STATE of Delaware"

El Padrino said...

"Yesterday, the Mets told reporters that Shawn Green will miss tonight’s game because of the Jewish holiday Yom Kippur.
He will not be in uniform, but at the team’s hotel fasting."



Shalom.

Big Brother's Brother said...

i think one of the Beatles was from Delaware

El Padrino said...

el retardo did a bs report with Erin Andrews?

El Padrino said...

Skins wearing yellow pants

El Padrino said...

pics, ill

tem said...

AN=N is playing much better this week.

tem said...

"el retardo did a bs report with Erin Andrews?"

yes and as far as I know, nobody has listened to it.

blue said...

BIS has fallen apart

ToddPacker said...

nice wok on the LoV history stuff

blue said...

deke said he tried to listen to it.

blue said...

death

tem said...

so it's come to this has it?

JFreak said...

So the Mets whining was a bit much, but it seems to have passed.

El Padrino said...

Easy Cub fan, easy.

blue said...

i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

blue said...

Anjels are about to clinch

tem said...

Angels clinched a tie at least.

Go them.

hungry.

Big Brother's Brother said...

i'd like to see loin cloths and beaded headwear for throwback day.

true affaleets can run a 4.4 40 in moccasins.

Lou said...

Kim Kardashian Playboy


I don't get it, she's "cute" at best, but she really doesn't do anything for me. Even more overrated that Herpy girl Paris.

She does have a HUGE ass, but give that a few years and it'll be bouncing off the back of her heels when she walks.

Two Thumbs Down, well 1 and half, and naked chick is still a naked chick.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"We have this little agreement, I guess," Sellers said of Dawkins. "He lets me run him over once a year."

Spaceman Spiff said...

she also has bazongas which i would like to view

Big Brother's Brother said...

sometimes i wish i knew what having a working moral compass felt like.


but then the fleeting thought passes.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

TPS shitstorm.

I can't catch up.

Big Brother's Brother said...

and PRESEASON HOCKEY IS NOW IN FULL SWING!

(slight s)

El Padrino said...

super on the kim K thing

Big Brother's Brother said...

i even did the double-shoulder look before clicking, then i get some Prada cunt getting paparazzied to her SUV.

sadness.

(still love and appreciate the effort though, Lou)

Beth said...

"and PRESEASON HOCKEY IS NOW IN FULL SWING!"

Pre-season hockey is good simply because it leads to regular season hockey. I'm actually going to the Thrashers pre-season game on Saturday - I miss hockey.

El Padrino said...

yeah, i hear that

El Padrino said...

beth's drinking again

Big Brother's Brother said...

wings actually were televised last night. good to see the winged wheels back out there.

isiah thomas said...

EP great post kid.


Not sure about NYG +16 though (ns)

Beth said...

"beth's drinking again"

At the game I certainly will be.

blue said...

i'd do her

isiah thomas said...

EP, TP, I loved the self-loathing Mets talk. (ns)

Willie Randolph needs to be tasered.

El Padrino said...

they usually play close though zeke
and cmon, the eagles had like 10 shots at scoring a td at some point
and the average over the last 10 games thye have played is 12 points

that includes three lopsided games between them

ToddPacker said...

"EP, TP, I loved the self-loathing Mets talk. (ns)"


freak didn't

Big Brother's Brother said...

TP, maybe try breaking into song..

Big Brother's Brother said...

maybe dance with an umbrella while youre at it

isiah thomas said...

I'm blocked on the skins throwback pics, I'm not happy they're wearing them though, its a distraction.

(ns)

isiah thomas said...

good points EP, but you forgot one critical piece of info:

THE GIANTS FUCKING SUCK

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Hockey = Weasels

blue said...

I like them...the big R on the helmet makes me think of some sort of supermarket advertisment

isiah thomas said...

and I'm totally jinxing/mushing the Skins. Oh well, I'll run with it and eat my medicine later.

ToddPacker said...

can't dance... my toe hurts.... i kicked the dog pretty hard when the marlins tied it up last night

blue said...

so is Beth going to be the commissioner of the FNHL league for LoV?

isiah thomas said...

I've said this before, Playoff Hockey is hard to beat.

(ns)

ToddPacker said...

i'm excited for hockey

(ns)

isiah thomas said...

the biggest thing I'm worried about Skins/Gints is Plax running deep. I think the Skins will be able to get pressure bring LB's and safeties but if Rogers and Co. screw the pooch Plax could have a 6 for 180 3 TD stat line.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I was really hoping for some Kim K tiity pics.

blue said...

I think that Dexter Manley will have at least 2 sacks, Charles Mann will have a couple of QB pressures too...keep Eli from being able to throw deep.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

*titty

isiah thomas said...

I read the headline on the wwl as "malaysian Mets".

blue said...

"I was really hoping for some Kim K tiity pics."

agreed...the disappointment is felt throughout LoV.

Big Brother's Brother said...

yeah deke, that link title was hurtful

ToddPacker said...

i don't click on any kim k links.... i just assume they are blocked

El Padrino said...

"I've said this before, Playoff Hockey is hard to beat."

sure, when it's on tv

El Padrino said...

the giants offense is good

ns

the giants defense is bad

ns

El Padrino said...

27-20, Skins win

Big Brother's Brother said...

but sweet lou has delivered before, so we shall wait til next time

Big Brother's Brother said...

is that fat lefty starting for the Jints yet? if so, im sorry.

ToddPacker said...

24-17 giants

ToddPacker said...

"is that fat lefty starting for the Jints yet?"


phil mickelson is starting for the giants?

El Padrino said...

no, cousin Eli is fine

isiah thomas said...

I'm afraid the string 2+ years of wearing shorts to work may be coming to an end......we're moving into a new building (one of our sister companies) and they have a stricter dress code (its stricter than the current corp dress code - why? I don't know)....also, you need an ID badge and thumbprint scan to enter.

It was a good 2+ year run.

isiah thomas said...

24-17 giants

this hurts TP

(NS)

the game is at Washington.

Big Brother's Brother said...

blessed be, zeke.




amen.

isiah thomas said...

the Gints secondary is banged up and bad right TP?


Moss and Randle El (sa'laam e lekieum) will go wild.

ToddPacker said...

just a hunch, zeke.... i hate the giants

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Favre-

246, 2TDs, 0 picks.

Meiztrodamus has spoken.

isiah thomas said...

the Skins play NYG, GB and Det their next 3, 5-0 BAYYYBEEEEE!!!!11!1!1!!!

isiah thomas said...

Here's my Farv-ra stat line:

3 vicodin, 2 percoset (pregame)

1 bottle JD with an oxycontin (postgame)

Wrangler Jorts - all day long!

Big Brother's Brother said...

the cheesecurds have gotten to that kids brain.

blue said...

don't pencil in wins against detroit and Green bay yet....

El Padrino said...

man, i was lving thru you on the work dress code thing

sad to see it go

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

The Skins will lose to the Lions and The Pack.

El Padrino said...

green bay might cover that 5 at home vs diego....

El Padrino said...

everyone is a handicapper today

isiah thomas said...

why this company has a stricter dress code than the corp policy (they also fall under the corp policy) is beyond me.

isiah thomas said...

The Skins will lose to the Lions and The Pack.


Deke now you're talking non-sense.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"the cheesecurds have gotten to that kids brain."

I know the pack better than anybody I know. Online or in real-life.

Big Brother's Brother said...

did this Jena 6 stuff happen recently? im so fucking out of the loop..

blue said...

the lions have enough weapons on offense to score 44 pts every game...

Spaceman Spiff said...

isnt plax banged up?

isiah thomas said...

I could see them losing @GB, but spiffg will be at the Lions game, he'll will them to vic-tor-eeee.

Spaceman Spiff said...

hopefully his ankle will slow him down

isiah thomas said...

the actual Jena 6 incident happened a while ago, but all the protests have happened recently.

blue said...

eltardo says the skins have great defense, can make 2-3 big plays downfield a game, and can move the chains...he likes them in the NFC...

sorry skins fans

isiah thomas said...

I realize you can't pencil in any W in the NFL, I'm just glad one of the football teams I root for is showing a pulse.

Spaceman Spiff said...

before the season started, GB and DET were givens, now not so much, but yea hope they win when I go.

El Padrino said...

ankle, he's still better (he said he's 80%) than both moss and randle el at thier best

you know it, i know it, so stop the nonsense

*giants will be blitzing the shit out of the kid, you've been warned

isiah thomas said...

FUCKKKKKKKKK!

The spiffg kiss of death.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"Deke now you're talking non-sense."

Have you seen Jason Campbell throw a football? Not so good, Al.

El Padrino said...

man, el retardo is trying to out do me

El Padrino said...

what's the 8 paragraphs of nothing on leroy and obvious games

what a knucklehead

Big Brother's Brother said...

Kid A is a great album. weird, but great.

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 870   Newer› Newest»

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino