Sunday, September 30, 2007

Super Sunday

Are you ready for some football?

Lots of home underdogs today. (SG tells me so). Could be a weird weekend.

We have a potential for a four-way tie for the last two NL playoff spots. That's what I'm rooting for. I want to see the one-game playoffs drag on as long as possible so the Cubs can get rest.

And in case you missed yesterday, half of the top 10 lost. Oklahoma, Florida, West Virgina, Texas, Rutgers. And yes, Notre Dame still sucks.

Friday, September 28, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

Reflections of a de-generate...........

Take the Bye over the Saints this weekend, lay the 3 points.

Looks like Carr will be the guy vs Tampa, get the shovel out.

Kenny Watson getting the start in Cincy on Monday night, it's elementary.

The Blue Powder strikes again, also just in - RB Ian Johnson proposes to his fiance again. She said yes.

Wilfork got a fine, got pissed and ate a whole hog.

Be careful Winslow owners....he says he's a go but Doctor's say otherwise at the moment.

Where I stand.

Last week : 4-8
College: 1-2
Pros: 1-3
Parlay: 0-1
Tease: 1-1
Suicide: 2-0
Overall: 8-13 ( I don't count the suicide picks)


SO. CAROLINA -14 over Miss St. ($50)
Click Clack.

Cal +6 over OREGON ($50)
Outside of last year the previous 3 meetings have been decided by 7, 1 & 4. So I'll grab the TD without the extra point in hopes of Cal straight up beating the Ducks. It will be touch though. Those Ducks can fly.

Alabama -3 over FSU ($50)
Big test for Saban's squad. Learning to beat teams you are better than in their own building is a big jump for this team. Wilson has been throwing well and his favorite target D.J Hall is a primetime player.


Kansas City +14 over WHALE'S VAGINA ($100)
That's a whole lot of points to be giving. Espeacially when you are 1-2. The higest point differential in this series was KC winning by 13 in 2005. Other than that SD won last year by 11 at home. Pass defense of SD is not exactly good right now so I think Huard can get some yeardage and hopefully some scores out of his anemic unit. Herm call a pass play you punk.

Seattle -2 over SAN FRAN ($50)
Seahawks must have some revenge on their mind have losing 2 games to San Fran last year. SA is banged up but that passing game seems to be coming around for Seattle and with Vernon Davis out I figure Lofa has some free reign on harrassing Smith into some mistakes. Look for a tight game until the 4 minute mark in the 4th quarter.

CLEVELAND +5 over Baltimore ($50)
Baltimore has choked away leads in the past two home! Jamal Lewis with an axe to grind. Baltimore nearly went down last year at the Dogg Pound, 15-14. I remember that cuz I had the Ravens in a knockout pool. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.........

Green Bay -3 over MINNESOTA ($50)
Pack keep on rollin'. A.J Hawk vs Adrian "All Day" Peterson. Forget those dome stats as Farve has gone 3 out 4 the past 4 years.

Just teasing (4 teams, 12 points):
Pack +9
Seattle +10
Colts even or pick em'

Parlay ($50 to bring back $300):
Bama -3, Over 40 points in the SD/KC game, Pack -3

Suicide Picks : Chargers / Steelers

Good Luck. Hi Bill.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The If Week

Well this week was a huge "If" week for my money fantasy team, which is the sister of the "and then" game. For those of you who don't know (mid sentence side note: I have decided to just assume that thousands of people read these posts, it makes me feel cooler than I am.) the "and then" game is when you lay out a series of situations that have to happen to lead to something that was seemingly impossible happening, or at least very unlikely. Eltardo (this is what we call the Sports Guy) is pretty much the champion of the "and then" game.

Pretty soon Eltardo will write an "and then" column about how the Red Sox will win the world series. It will go something like if Manny comes back and is at 80% effectiveness and then Dice K's arm rebounds and then Schilling pitches like he did 5 years ago and then Wakefield's knuckler is unhittable and then the other series' go the full length and 'our' starters get to rest and then the bullpen holds up and then Paps returns to mid season form, then the Sox will win the series. It is as simple as that.

Random Side Note: I think Eltardo's dog, the Dooze, must have died. He never mentions him anymore. Everyone should send him a sympathy card for his loss.

Anyway, I need to get back on track with the "If" week. The "If" week is when the result of something would have been reversed if one thing had happened. A great example is my money fantasy league, I lost by 3 points. So if Jeff Wilkens would have made one of those field goals he missed I would have won, if I had started Witten instead of Miller at TE I would have won (I am kicking myself for this, I didn't like Witten's match up with the Bears), if Rudi hadn't shit the bed, if someone other than Bush had scored one of those Saints TDs, etc...etc.. There are about 10 more I could list, but honestly I am getting bored with typing them. Also you all should note that the "If" week can happen in real life too, I'm sure everyone plays it in their head after a weekend. If I had said this, if I had done that, etc, etc.

Random Side Note: Breaking news, Ohio State's 3rd String QB got busted for solicitation last night. I have no clue why a college QB at THE Ohio State University would need to pay for it, but apparently this kid does. Maybe he was buying it for a friend?

Well now it is time for the tem movie review of a movie tem has not seen:

Captain Corelli's Mandolin: This movie has Nicolas Cage in it and it is about war, so it should be good. But it has the worst title ever for a war movie. This means it isn't really about war. It is about this guy, Captain Corelli, who loses his mandolin, which is some sort of musical instrument. They never really tell you why he took it to war with him, but he did, and he lost it. So he has to go find it. So he looks all over, let's say France, for it and finally finds it. Sadly for him the Fratelli family is also looking for it. In the end he finds his mandolin and outsmarts the Fratelli's. Also even though he has braces he gets to kiss the chick. And a fat guy did a funny dance, the truffle shuffle, because he was looking for truffles in France.

In the end this movie loses lots of points for pretending to be about war. 2 helmet stickers out of 5.

OK I am spent so have at it bee snatches.

Monday, September 24, 2007

There's no sex in the champagne room......

Lot's of injuries yesterday:

Calvin Johnson
Hines Ward
Jake Del Homie
Vern Davis
Rudi Johnson
Brian Westbrook
Paul Puss
Frank Gore
JP Loserman

the list goes on....

MLB - final week, here's what we got:


A-Rod - Cubs player/owner?

CFG - Louisville, seriously....Syracuse? Syracuse.

I know he won't get much love but Mike Hart is having one heckuva a year, check the stats.

NFL Announcer quote of the week:

"Maurice Jones-Drew is like a rolling ball of butcher knives" - Randy Cross

It's a glorious time for ND haters, 0-4 and falling. Good thing they'll get a high pick in next year's draft. Weiss is a coaching geenus.


Sunday, September 23, 2007

NFL Sunday

Too many comments on the other thread.....

John Force almost dies....

NASCAR fights......

Old man Warner leading comebacks.....

Surviving a cable outage....

UM is 2-2....we back babyyyyyy!!!!111111!!!!!

Friday, September 21, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

Babblings of a degenerate:

Who's the Schaub gonna throw to? Jacoby Jones, please step up.

Charlie's pants might bust after going 0-4. Lock up the children, it won't be pretty.

I want to bet Michigan but just can't. I'm scarred. They remind me of the song "Can't get it out of my head" --- "That girl is Pooooiiisooon".

Colts/Texans for the division lead. NOT SARCASM.

Drastic things will go down if the Giants get abused by the Redskins

Romo coverage on Sunday night. Take the butt of a rifle and bash my skull in.

Miami (Da U) scored 31, wtf?

Last week's numbers
Pro: 0-3-1
College: 2-1
Teaser: 1-0
Parlay: 0-1
Suicide Picks : 2-0

College :
ARKANSAS - 7 over Kentucky ($50)
Huge win for Kentucky last week. They had an emotional win while Arkansas suffered an emotional loss in Tuscaloosa. This can mean one of two things. Either Kentucky carries that high into Razorback Nation and plays lights out or they are still patting themselves on tha back and will get romped by a pissed off Arkansas team that is looking for a punching bag. Latter, please stand up.

CAL-16 over Arizona ($50)
Cal has to have revenge on their minds in this year's meeting with the Wildcats. They really de-railed a possible BCS game for Cal when they beat them by 4 at home. Revenge is a motherfucker.

OVER 54 - Air Force @ B.Y.U ($25)
4 out of the last 6 meetings have gone over 60 points. The over is 7-2 in the last 9 Air Force road games AND the over is 10-2 in the past 12 BYU conference games. I also wanted to show some love to the Mountain West division.

BALTIMORE -8 over Arizona ($50)
Not much history to rely on as these two teams haven't played since 2003 but you have to like the Baltimore defense vs. Matt Leinart who has not looked good in his first two games this year. Seattle bailed Arizona out of a loss last week and even though Edge has been running well the first two games he goes up against a meaner, more physical front seven.

DENVER -3 over Jacksonville ($75)
This has to be the lock of the week. Even though Denver has not looked sharp, Jacksonville has looked less than sharp. Rushing the ball is what Shanahan does best and I can assure you Travis Henry will gauge them for some big gains. Garrard better start producing otherwise Del Rio is going to start feeeeeeelin' it.

St.Louis +4 over TAMPA BAY ($100)
Tampa is not used to laying points so when they do I usually take them. Stats : Tampa is 2-7-1 ATS in their last 10 vs NFC teams. Tampa is 3-8-1 ATS in their last 12 games. Now I know they beat up on the Saints but St. Loo is looking to get on the board here and Stephen Jackson is pissed off. This is a nice moneyline bet too, I expect the Rams to win.

Carolina -4 over ATLANTA ($50)
The Panthers aka Dr. Jekyll return to championship form. Just in time to lull you into taking them next week when they will lose. John Fox will be damned if he got beat by Joey Harrington. Carolina has won 3 out of the last 4 vs. the Falcons. Yum-yum now.

The Parlay (0-1): Georgia Tech -3, B.C -28, Jets -3
The Teaser (1-0): (the key is to pick tight games, blowouts are bad unless your laying)
Jets +9
Minnesota +15
St. Loo +19
Giants +16

Suicide Picks (2-0) : New England (duh, don''t be scared if the game is close) & NY Jets

Happy Yom Kippur Bill!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Video Log: Cubs Edition

So, I brought the flip to the Cubs game and shot some video. I got lots of crappy stuff, and a few good things. I'll try to share the good stuff.

First, the view from our seats. It was crazy, front row, right behind the bullpen.

Zambrano warming up:

Larry Rothschild (Cubs pitching coach) standing right next to me, talking to some random fan.

Some of the relievers coming out to the bullpen.

Carlos Marmol, aka the only trustworthy Cubs reliever, warming up.

Ryne Sandberg singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" during the 7th inning stretch. Too bad all you can hear is me yelling. Also too bad that I didn't get the whole stadium singing "Happy Birthday" to Ryno right after this.

Soriano just ran over during a Cubs pitching change and sat down in the bullpen. It was kind of weird.

Other notes from the game...Whenever Will Ohman got up I spoke, (no need to yell, he was right there next to me) "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh man." He didn't seem to enjoy that...Stupid Oh-man gave up a single and a walk that helped put the game out of reach...Around the 7th/8th inning, Ryan Dempster came over behind the bat boy/security guys and started spraying shaving cream on his hands. Anybody heard of that before? I leaned over the brick wall and looked down and was very confused. It wasn't like he kept the shaving cream on his hands, as he immediately wiped them off, but it still was very strange...Marmol is really good...

One last video for you before I go.

The elevator in the hotel I was staying at honked.

Now, by special spiff request, you have me, saying to Will Oh-man, "Ohhhhh man". It's really stupid, but whatever.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Like a good (dump) after an even better meal

So I'd love to get back to making snide comments about football teams and players that I've watched for hours on the weekends.. but so far, my Sunday Ticket hasnt really been put to use. (sunnabitch!) First week, I got back to the crib later in the afternoon because of my morning ritual of hitting early Mass, then Sunday School at the Evangelical joint, then a Baptist church for sermon, then one of the t-shirt and shorts places that has "Bikers For Jesus" services, complete with groups standing out front creating a fog of smoke like you were attending a Janet Jackson concert (Rhythm Nation days). Those are the best. So accepting. Bunch of big teddy bears really (the women too unfortunately). Also love the handicapped stragglers that hang outside trying to look at the chrome on the shiny bikes. Then the teddy bears yell and spit at them when they try to touch em. Good times. Nothing like putting someone in their place. And that folks, is why I go people watching at multiple churches. It's the little things.

Or I was simply doing other shit like eating lunch and had to run errands and I didn't give 2 shits to see opening week when every team licks balls. I dont know, you make the choice. This is like choose your own adventure. Maybe I will make that my shtick. We have movie reviews* and now CYOA ... uh, adventures. shoot. Either way.. that could be a nice 1-2 combination with me and the Teminator. I enjoy being the supplemental starter. I dont want the Tom Brady attention, Tem has a prettier face than I do anyways. He can be on the magazine covers or run for office one day. Not many people here have really seen his picture and that's really all I can say without letting too much slip. But he actually has a very high profile job and he waxes his chest. I don't have the dedication or care about myself to do that. Therefor, he shall be the bread and butter and I will quietly sneak into the HOF on his coat tails.

Oh and there is NFW that I'm going to work today. My shit is sick and I cant stomach (literally and figuratively) going into that place like this again.

Gagne walked a dude in with the bases loaded then gave up a big hit. Boston hit a homer. Then the last dude got struck the eff out. Wait, struck the fuck out. Sorry. Curveball was pretty sick and that dude buckled.

Oh yeah, so the second reason Sunday Ticket wasnt put to use is because when I finally did get back to the crib, I flicked on the tube and I had a black screen. For all their warnings/threats/promises, DirecTV blew nads on this one. They say youre supposed to be automatically re-upped unless you call. But I had to call and re-up my package for some dumbass reason. Then of course get my ass a little discount as well.

Finally, since you've read this long you should feel my slight pain with the rest of the story. So I DVR'd the Colts game and went to watch it on FFWD earlier this evening.. and come to find out that the first half of the game was missing/glitchy, and then it kept saying "searching for authorized content" or some shit. Needless to say, that shit got deleted. And I like VY too, so I was a little disappointed just cause ..

wait, what the hell. Dane Cook doing "October" commercials for baseball. WTF. Someone, please... please... slit his throat and piss on his body. GTF outta here. I need more acro-nizzles. I should just have written this whole thing in acronyms. It probably wouldve made just as much sense. Actually, it mightve even attracted a few more people to actually read this in general.

Football.. I need to record the 30 minute game thingies.. where they show every play back-to-back-to-back. Short Cuts or something.. I hope I can get those on the DVR cleanly. No more glitching or there will plentiful, plentiful amounts of bitching. Money will be exchaning hands at that point. I will totally probe D*tv in every orifice with my fist and I wont use any lube. Dont fuck with my football, you bitches.

Baseball Tonight tells me that Ben Sheets hurt his knee, Tim Kurkjianwhatever said its bad when a pitcher goes down with a leg. Seriously, how the hell can you say that with a straight face, or if by some chance you can, what are the lies that you tell yourself to make you believe that people are still taking you seriously? Clown.

I have to go throw up again so this is pretty much becoming a wrap. If I get tired of playing video games and jerking off to pictures of your grandmothers during tomorrow's much needed break from work.. then maybe I will read past the first four comments.

Oh, Donovan said something about how extremely rich, athletically superior human beings are mistreated. First of all, the reason that you get talked down is because you are only moderately adequate. You have a highly inflated sense of self. Your problem is that you cant make it through a full season being healthy, or if you do, you get into the biggest game of your life and your dick-sucking gag reflex kicks in and you choke the game away. Please dont compare yourself to Peyton or Carson ever again. Not because you're black and they're white.. but because you are not in the same category as them. Peyton, there is no discussion. Carson, some people make have differing (incorrect) opinions. But I can at least see their view. Or pretend to see it. Mostly I'll just listen and nod my head, but really, it's in one ear and out the other.

I want a hat like Joe Gibbs has. Someone buy it and send it over here.

Also, that story about the Buffalo dude that snapped his spine.. that shit is awesome (his recovery). NS. I saw that someone here mentioned that they induced a level of hypothermia to help save him and minimize the injury.. that's fucking awesome. I want to kiss those doctors on the mouth. Fucking cool, man.

Wtf position did Mark Shlerithwhatever play? Seeing Jason Campbell playing makes me think of what the hell happened to Gradkowski down in Tampa. That's pretty much it.. what hell did come of that situation? Dont suck. Jon Kitna is a starting Q in this league, bro. If Jeff Garcia is ahead of you (I'm guessing as I havent paid attention) then you need to work a little harder.

Oh and finally.. back to the darkie race. Some random black guy on SC said that every black person everywhere has heard the speech about how they as black folk have to work harder than the next guy to get ahead. He said that this was handed down from their parents and shit. How fucking insecure are all those black people? I dont get it. I actually sat there watching the Michigan State game for a few minutes and said to myself.. State doesnt need another Stanton, they should recruit a black quarterback. Maybe then the team might start sucking alot less. But I love how they try to play it off on "the public" doesnt want them to do good. Newsflash, people! We ARE the general public. You, me, Kevin Cott's hairy lipped mother.. we're "society". Personally, I have no friends that give 2 shits about whether someone is black or white, let alone about an affaleet.

So, Dear Black Parents... if you seriously sit your kid down and explain to him that the white/mexican/asian/anyotherrace is going to try to hold you down as you get older, thereby telling them that they should start out life with a chip on their shoulder... then I'd like to personally thank you for being detrimental to our society as a whole, and for helping to perpetuate stereotypes, insecurity and racism in your children and the next generation.

Don't ever change! THANKS!!!

O.J. Simpson... not a Jew. Speaking of which, Roger Cossack just told us that.. wait for it.. when guns are used in crimes, it makes them worse. If you commit crime and a weapon is involved, then you are in bad shape.

Did the Steelers get alternate jerseys or something? Rev??

Seacrest, closet!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

So You Think You Are Good?

Well you aren't. That means you Houston, Washington, Tampa, Cleveland. The wheels will fall off very soon. In some cases (Browns) nobody can even understand how you drove that cart to victory. Call it a gift from your in state friends.

Random Side Note: I think I have my first ever stalker. I'm not sure how to handle it. And in a two for 1 side note, I peeped some Baseketball yesterday when the game got boring. That movie is still pretty damn funny. It has held up pretty well with time.

Also, these fans just need to give up hope now: Jets, Eagles, Falcons, Giants, Dolphins, Rams, Chiefs and obviously the Fighting Irish. Also Mrs. Weiss needs to just accept that this season is going to either cause Charles to put on 100lbs or die. I hope her insurance policies are all paid up.

Mark it down now, Morten Andersen will be the first 50yr old to play in the NFL. And if there was already one, then he will be the first 60yr old. I am surprised he doesn't double dip and do the Arena League too. I give him mad props though, turning kicking into a 25yr career was brilliant. He's a shoe-in for the HOF too right?

Before I get to the movie review of a movie I have never watched I want to present a list of people or things that piss me off. This list isn't all-inclusive but for the sake of my sanity it needs to be said now:
  1. Slow Cashiers in the express lane at the grocery store. I have 5 items and it takes you longer to check me out than it took the lady in 12 to scan 100 items.
  2. Emmit Smith....enough!
  3. TMQ and his editor. Shorten it up already, good God.
  4. Whoever let the price of car maintenance get out of hand. $500 to check to see if my timing belt is broke? WTF? If it is broke then it is another $500. Someone dropped the ball on this.
  5. MBAs. Seriously, you are fucking idiots.

Well I feel a bit better, so let's move on to the movie review of a movie tem has never seen, We Are Marshall:

This movie hits home for me, because I am from West Virginia. Matthew Mcwhatever is the star and he does a fantabulous job. I am pretty sure he uses the same accent that he used in A Time to Kill. Which is good because I am sure people from WV talk just like people from wherever that movie was set. Anyway, the plot of the movie is that the team dies in a plane crash. Then MMs character is the new coach and has to build the program from scratch. So he recruits his old friend Wally Rig to coach the D and he takes care of the O. Of course since all the players are dead they need to get new ones from the regular students. This doesn't work out so well and they barely get enough to field a team, the players end up having to play both ways. Some hilarity ensues, but there is a bright spot when Coach Rig gets an old hike school star who never enrolled to be the QB. Scott Bakula plays this character, I am pretty sure he won an Oscar for it. Anyway, they later add a female kicker and Sinbad and even though they lose their first 8 games, they tie in their 9th and win their 10th against the best team in the nation. It is really a feel good story that should be viewed by all.

5 out of 5 helmet stickers.

Have at it bee snatches.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Friday, September 14, 2007

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

New format this year, I'm tweakin it.
First let's go around the league for some news and notes.

Elijah Manning took some snaps in pratice and handed the ball off. Even soft tossed the pig around as well. If he comes away from Friday's practice less sore than today he could start on Sunday.

Ogden likely out, as is McNair.

Don't be surprised if Culpepper starts this Sunday. McNown is hindered by two seperate injuries and did not play as well as his stats indicate.

Last year the Colts beat the Titans in Tenn. 14-13, and LOST to them in their own place 20-17. Remember the 60-yarder to win it by Bironas?

It's 70-30 that Cadiallac will give it a go at home vs New Orleans.

The Orlando Pace injury is huge.

Randy Moss sitting out of another practice. I would not worry about this though.

Roscoe Parrish may steal some balls away from Josh Reed, that's if J.P. Losman can find away to produce more than 97 yards of passing offense.

Fantasy Talk (2 or 3 start suggestions, 2 or 3 sit suggestions)
Starts of the week:
QB, Brett Farve - Gints secondary is terrrrriiible, Farve owns 833 yards, 7 TD's and one INT over the past 4 games against the Giants.

RB, Adrian Peterson - Last season the Vikes rushed for 307 yards and 4 TD's vs the Lions. And with Chester the Molestor nursing a injury it's likely AD will be seeing more of the ball.

WR, Donald Driver - Again, see Farve.

Sit of the week:
QB, Marc Bulger - They are going to need two or three weeks to get over this Pace injury. And San Fran has a fast front seven.

RB, Marshawn Lynch - Nice debut against a solid Denver team but I have a feeling he will struggle vs. Pittsburgh @ Heinz Field.

WR, Ronald Curry - Denver's secondary is alot different than the Lions secondary.

Time for action.
Last Week's numbers:
College: 3-0
Pros: 2-2
Overall: 5-2

FLORIDA -8.5 over Vols ($50)
Florida's first chance to flex their collective muscles on a real college football team. Vols can't hang with the Gators this year. Normally they do (including last year FL won 21-20). Normally rev eats birthday cake.

IOWA ST. +17.5 over Iowa ($50)

Don't the Cyclones play Iows tough every year? Even beating them two years ago? Why yes they have. In 2003 Iowa won by 19, since then they have won 2 out of the last three by a total of 17 points and losing in 2005 by 20. Go figure. Take the points.

WASH +4.5 over O. State ($50)
This was on my radar before Keef mentioned it yesterday. Wash looks fiesty good this year while O state looks very pedestrian. That Boise win was big last week too.

Parlay (Pays 2 to 1 on each single bet so 40+40+40=120):

I also like ($20 Parlay, brings back $120): Over 44 in Mich/ND, Boise at home -13 over Wyoming and B.C getting a TD in Atlanta vs. the Yellow Jackets.

Bills +10.5 over STEELERS ($100)
Buffalo lost a close on at home vs a good Bronco team and Pittsburgh beat up on a bad Browns team. Are the Steelers that awesome to lay that many points. I'm about to find out.

MIAMI +3.5 over Dallas ($50)

I'll bite on the home dog. Opening game, Green threw for 340 vs Dallas as a Cheif and Jason Taylor is the best in the business at disrupting the quarterback.

Vikes +3 over DETROIT ($50)
In my preview I said the Vikes would be better than most people think. In most part due to a vicious front four and a great running game. Detroit's weakness's are stopping the run and blocking the passer. It's a gambling win-win for me.

New Orleans -3.5 over TAMPA BAY ($25)

I'm skeptical about this game but how can the Saints only muster 60 some odd yards on the ground? Either the Colts have a dynasty or that was an aberration.

Tease me :4 team tease, get 12 points any which way
Pats +8
Bears @ a pick em'
Broncos +1.5
Sota +15

Suicide Pick(I'll give 2) : Jacksonville. Baltimore.

How's that for a fucking football column. Hi Bill.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Now Walk It Out

This Kevin Everett story is cool, at least from the angle of which they treated him. I find it spectacular that they induced hypothermia to keep his injuries from worsening. I can't explain it much better than that, but you can read up on it more here (4 pages).

I'm convinced that no one's actually going to represent the NL Central in the playoffs. Neither the Brewers or the Cubs really seem like they want to advance.

So I got bored tonight after the Cubs game and decided to watch the AFC Championship. Man, what a game. Wow.

As always, I have some things to show you.

First, the Cingular "IDK, my BFF Jill" commercial at half-speed. Not really that funny until the voiceover comes in at the end. He sounds so hammered.

Second, a gem I discovered earlier in the week. I won't give it away, but it involves old ladies and the song "Walk it Out".

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Yesterday's news.... Today!!

You will get nothing at the moment, and like it. Apologies to those that this annoys, but shit be goin down 'round hurr and I dont have a ton of time to do this this morning. I tried to prepare yesterday, but it was my birthday and I figure I get a free pass. Don't whine or I'll drag my satchel across you. I will try to put up something spicy and that will cause heartburn later on in the morning, but I aint promising jack shizzle either.

Tom Brady was in a car wreck this morning. Let's pray for his soul.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Poon is a great word.

Really the title says it all. Poon is just an awesome word. It lends itself well to having endings added on (like poontastic, poonish, poon fever) and it pretty much can go anywhere in a sentence. So three cheers to poon, one of the greatest words of all time.

Random Poon Note 1: I think my ESPN the magazine has at least 100 McDonald's "dollar menuaire" ads. Really, I don't think being a dollar menuaire is going to help me do anything other than die sooner, so I'll pass. Don't get me wrong, double cheeseburgers for $1 are fucking awesome, but if the lady behind the counter starts to recognize you, well you go there way too much.

So before I start talking about football let me talk about Greg Oden. Knee surgery. Minor WTF. I guess it is just minor knee surgery but any kind of cutting on a 40 year old's knees is not good. Blazers fans should be poonishly worried.

Random Poon Note 2: My softball team plays at 9:20pm and then again at 10:10pm tomorrow. WTF is with the late start? There is a 0% chance that I will be sober come game time. The field is down by my work, so I ain't driving all the way home just to turn around. I'm gonna drink down here. Hopefully someone has a kick ass happy hour with some good food to keep me vertical.

This is the time of year when I totally forget what is going on in baseball. Sportscenter doesn't help because they hype shit that ain't real. They pretend the Mets are in a close race. Are they? I thought they were like 6 games up. The season has to be ending soon. For the love of poon, I just want Sportscenter to kick out some facts and move on.

Now football time: As everyone knows the Colts looked great this week. That shouldn't surprise many, when you have a good veteran QB your team has a great chance to start out the season like gangbusters. It doesn't hurt that their defense apparently doesn't suck. Pats looked great too at least after halftime. I won't talk much about them because elretardo is sure to. Chargers looked OK against a tough Bears D, the AFC is going to be awesome this year. It's the equivalent of the Western Conference in basketball. I never thought I'd see it in the NFL, but one conference is clearly vastly superior to the other. Of course this means the NFC wins the Super Bowl. Anyway, nothing beats football, well maybe poon, but other than that football is tops and I am all pooned up for the season.

OK well I am done typing. The people who pay me want me to do some pooneriffic work. Have at it bee snatches.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Lots of people suck

Namely ND and UM. Any pick 'em that I participated in. Any of my fantasy teams. But most of all, Blue.

And now, the worst Price is Right player ever.

And on the "can't see it enough" front...

Friday, September 07, 2007

Let's Gamble

How could I forget to post some picks for the weekend?


WVU - 24.5 over MARSHALL ($100)
I will be riding WVU all year. Chances are I will hit 75% of these bets. You can ride along if you like, plenty of room.

PENN STATE -18 over Notre Dame ($100)
Nothing in Jimmy Clausens life can prepare him for Happy Valley on a Sat evening. No pressure kid. No pressure.

WAKE FOREST +9 over Nebraska ($50)
I'm trying a dog here. Home opener for Wake, Nebraska maybe looking at next week's home game vs USC. Callahan just got an extension so some complacency maybe. Give it a shot.

*I would have taken TCU +9.5 here but Aaron Brown is out.


RAMS -1.5 over Panthers ($50 on the game, $25 on the over)
In the preview I wrote how I think the Rams are back. I think they can win that division. It starts vs. a Panther team that is sort of a enigma. Expect a high scoring game. Maybe throw a quarter on the over (43.5)

SEAHAWKS -6.5 over Bucs ($50)
The 12th man will be on the field. Alexander is a man possessed this year. I'm telling you.

TEXANS -3.5 over Chiefs ($50)
Kubiak and Schaub begin there honeymoon with a convincing win over the Herminators.

Eagles -3.5 over PACKERS ($25)
Not a fan of going against home dogs in week one but this line should be 5 or 6. The Eagles are a much better football team than the Packers.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

El Padrino's Footyball Preview 2007 (AFC)

AFC, toughest division to predict. Usual suspects but who's going to be King of the Hill.

AFC East: Pats to lose.

Pats (13-3) - True the Seymour injury hurts and Harrison won't be there for 4 weeks but they open vs NYJ, then home for two (S.D and Buffalo) then Cincy and Cleveland. 5-0? Not out of the question, 4-1 likely. The offensive additions they made are huge. Moss could be somethig else with Brady if he stays healthy. Can they get to Arizona for a rematch with the Eagles?
Player to watch : WR Randy Moss

Bills (9-7) - Drastic changes on offense and defense. JP is not a scrub and Lynch will be a star. Player to watch : RB Marshawn Lynch

Jets (8-8) - Back to normal. Just feels right.
Player to watch : No one

Dolphins (4-12) - NFC East foes, AFC East foes and NFC North foes. Good morning, good afternoon, good night. Player to watch : TE David Martin

AFC North : Money, hoes and clothes is all a nugga knows.

Ravens (13-3) - Billick calling plays from Day one, the McGahee pick up and the best defense in the game is enough to take them very, very far. Player to watch : RB Willis McGahee

Steelers (10-6) - Re-birth of a QB. Player to watch : WR Santonio Holmes

Bengals (9-7) - Not worried about the offense, it's the defense that's scary. Wasn't Lewis brought in for his defensive knowledge? Player to watch : CB Leon Hall

Browns (3-13) - Where for out thou Romeo? Unemployment line. Player to watch : WR Braylon Edwards

AFC South : VY's in 2012.

Colts (11-5) - Repeating is hard unless you eat hot dogs. Too many key starters lost and the Tarik Glenn retirement stung the nostrils. Player to watch : WR Anthony Gonzalez

Jax Jaguars (10-6) - Can Garrad win in December? January? We know the D is nasty, step up offense. Make a play. Player to watch : RB Maurice-Jones Drew

Texans (9-7) - Surprise! Most wins in team history. Kubiak loves Schaub (hated Carr) and the WR sleeper Jacoby Jones is going to be a nice bookend for Andre Johnson. Player to watch : WR Jacoby Jones

Titans (5-11) - They have zero football players other than Vinsanity. 0. Player to watch : QB Vince Young

AFC West : There is only one L.T folks and he is retired.

Chargers (12-4) - Could Norv Turner fuck up a wet dream? Player to watch : Do I have to tell you?

Denver (11-5) - Tweak here, tweak there and watch out. Denver could make some noise in January. Player to watch : WR Brandon Marshall

Raiders (6-10) - After 2-14 you'd be happy with this too. Luke McNown but? C'mon Kiffie. Player to watch : Agent for Jamarcus Russell.

Cheifs (4-12) - Not a good football team, at all. LJ and Tony. That's it. Player to watch : RB Kolby Smith

AFC Playoffs : Pats, Ravens (Byes)

Chargers over Steelers - Colts over Broncos (again)

Ravens over Colts
Chargers over Pats

Ravens over Chargers

Super Bowl : Ravens defeat Eagles 26-18

Super Bowl MVP : SS Ed Reed

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

El Padrino's 2007 Footyball Preview (NFC)

Ahhhh Football. Everything in life is good now.

NFC East - When the East is in the House OH MY GOD! DANGER!

Eagles (12-4) - Scary stat : He's played 16 games just once in the past five seasons. Discomforting, yes. Odds he'll be healthy, not good. But you know what. Even when he's gone down the Iggles find a way to win games. Now, if he's healthy and I think he will be then I think the Eagles have a legitimate shot to represent the NFC in the Bowl. As much as it pains me to say that I believe it's true. The combo of Westbrook and Buckhalter, the secondary, and the pass rush = a nice season for the birds. Also they play NFC North opponents as every NFC EAST team does. Packers, Lions, Vikes = 3 automatic wins.

Cowboys (9-7) - Well the D will be barking, that's for sure. As much as a dumbass Wade Phillips is he knows how to run a 3-4. And with the talent Dallas has I know it's going to be good. I just hope he can disguise the Secondary issues. Roy Williams is only interested is breaking collar bones, Newman has to battle a season long foot injury and I'm not sold on Anthony Henry as "shutdown" yet. Jason Garrett running the O perplexes me but he is a fucking nerd so who knows. Could be a diamond in the rough. I would pencil them in for 10 wins but in the NFC east you always assume a split with each team is fair.
Player to watch : RB Brian Westbrook

NY Giants (8-8) - This agonizes me but I could only play spin doctor for so long. They already have injury issues, they have a lame duck coach, new GM, third year first round (QB) pick that has all the pressure on this side of Japan on his shoulders and, and a brutal december schedule. And no matter what anyone says, you do not replace a Tiki Barber. Yes I'm sad but here's to hoping for a win @ Dallas this Sunday night.
(and as a sidenote, I really hope Eli has a good year because the media will be so brutal if he doesnt and he'll end up on a ranch somewhere as Ryan Leaf's farmhand)
Player to watch : QB Eli Manning

Redskins (8-8) - Aren't the Redskins always 8-8? Do they ever have to change the record books since the Snyder era? Campbell is still a bit raw but learning on the job is the only way to improve. The defense looks better on paper but when is that not the case in our nations capital. You know what, looking at thier schedule I have to say I might be short changing them. Home against Detroit, Miami, Arizona, and Buffalo. If Campbell stays away from turnovers I could be wrong.
Player to watch : FS LaRon Landry

NFC North - Ditka!

Da Bears (10-6) - By default. This division is still shitty but the Packers are better, the Vikes have a nice 1-2 punch at RB that will keep them in games and Detroit is somewhat of a Wild Card. Opening in San Diego is no picnic, traveling back out west (later in the season) to play in Oakland then Seattle only to come home and have Denver waiting for you is not a tea party either. But the defense still growls like a hungry wolf and despite what everyone thinks-- IT'S NOT EASY BEING AN NFL QUARTERBACK. I know Grossman stinks at times but with that defense he is more than serviceable.
Player to watch : TE Greg Olson

Packers (9-7) - Pack finished 4-0 in the last four games in last year's campaign and had a very good off-season. They have some young talent on defense and offense, Farve is looking to go out on top somehow and Brandon Jackson might be this season's big surprise. I do worry about thier schedule. If they can get to bye week at 3-3 or out now.
Player to watch : RB Brandon Jackson

Vikings (8-8) - Like I mentioned earlier the combo of Chester the Molester and A.D (All day Adrian Peterson) will keep them in plenty of games this year. Couple that with a nasty front four and that equals the years El Pad's Cover Dog Team of 2007. I also think we are all underestimating QB Tavarias Jackson. Quote from coach Childress : "He's ahead, systemwise, of where Donovan was after one year". Bet against them if you please.
Player to watch : RB Adrian Peterson

Lions (4-12) - I ain't pickin them to finish better until they actually finish better. Prove me wrong.
Player to watch : WR Calvin Johnson

NFC South - The Bad Newz Kennelz Division

Saints (11-5) - Clearly the best team in this division the Saints will try and get back to the NFC championship game and this time, move on to the show. I can argue that Sean Payton is the best in game play caller alive today. True, the fact he has Bush for finesse and McCallister for thump at his disposal helps not to mention one of the most accurate passers in the game but I worry about the defense. They tend to give up the big plays and that can hurt them. When you start to look at who they might be facing in the playoffs (Westbrook, S. Jackson, Seattle's offense, or the improved Bears offense)it can really, really hurt them. Either way they will be exciting again and should be a playoff team.
Player to watch : RB Reggie Bush (duh)

Panthers (10-6) - Hardest team to evaluate. Tons of talent, good coach, formidable defense and solid two punch running game. Jake Delhomme? I don't know, gremlins were calling for his head late last year. They did get a new offensive coordinator so if he calls the right plays and puts the QB in situations where he can suceed this team could, could tap that potential they are expected to.
Player to watch : RB Deangelo Williams

Buccaneers (7-9) - I like Garcia for this team, I think it buys them 2 or 3 wins that they wouldn't have had with any of the other scrubs they got on that depth chart (I am a Simms fan though). But the fact remains you can't win games in the NFL if your old and they are old. Again, Garcia helps but only staves off the firing of Gruden, nothing more.
Player to watch : DE Gaines Adams

Falcons (5-11) - My what a twisted web we weave. I could buy into the idea that after a 0-4 start Bobby Petrino will silently be pumping his fist. Why? Well his boy Brian Brohm could be the #1 pick in next years draft and he will definetely want that pick after seeing Harrington float a pass into Ronde Barber's hands for a TD. The defense will have to keep them in games this year and I can't expect that of them for all 16 games.
Player to watch : RB Jerious Norwood

NFC West - They were who we thought they were!

Rams (11-5) - Am I the only guy who thinks the greatest show on turf is back? Bulger getting his money (sometimes a bad thing but not here), Stephen Jackson is a man, 2nd year coach, 2nd year under a very good defensive coordinator (Haslett), Holt and Bruce still doing work, throw in McMicheal and Bennett and to me you got a division winner. P.S - They lost to Seattle last year by a combined 4 points.
Player to watch : DE Adam Carriker

Seahawks (10-6) - Right there behind St. Loo the Hawks have just about the same talent as they did two years ago, the year they went to the Super Bowl. A healthy and determined Alexander will be music to coach Holmgren's ears and Hasselback will start exploring the possibilites of his young receiving corp. The defense should be alot better as well. Let's not forget one of the best home field advantages in the game today.
Player to watch : WR D.J. Hackett

Niners (6-10) - I ain't going to go crazy and put them in the playoffs like some yahoo's are doing. Do I think they will be better than last year? Yeah I do. But the record won't reflect that. Teams have enough tape on Gore now, they are starting two rookie LB's and Alex Smith is still a bit wet behind the ears. If they split with Seattle and St. Loo then maybe just maybe they will prove me wrong but I'm pencling in at least 3 losses just to those two teams.
Player to watch : LB Patrick Willis

Cardinals (4-12) - I don't pick teams just cause it's the sexy pick or because they are due. If I did we'd have a Lions/Cardinals NFC championship game. Then what?
Player to watch : SS Adrian Wilson

Playoff teams: Eagles, Saints (Byes)
Panthers, Seahawks, Rams, Bears

Wild Card:
Seahawks over Rams
Panthers over Bears

Eagles over Seahawks
Saints over Panthers

NFC Championship
Eagles over Saints

AFC preview tomorrow, this is long enough.

As far as tonights game I'll take the points (Saints +6.5) as both offenses will be gunz blazin'.
Indy wins by a FG though, also take the over (52.5).

Stay tuned........

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

i'm a good listener cause i'm not that interesting

the other day at work i was enjoying a pipe and a good book out in the back forty. the air was fresh, the birds were chirping and i had brought my best lawn chair with me. later, i put on my beer helmet and slammed one before i went back to the daily tasks which were lain upon my desk and required my undivided attention.

my work dwelling is directly next to the downtown area and there's an amphitheatre there. the doors of the work establishment lead right into the back stage area. i put on my rollerblades and spandex shorts and decided to have a nice little lunchtime workout. i had purchased a new headband the day before, which i finally put to use, because sweat had been getting my eyes too much. there was a slight chill in the breeze, so i'm also glad i had snatched up my leg warmers before i went out. they help to keep the body temperature nice and warm. you never want to get too cold when working out because as we all know, it cause diarrhea. and testicular cancer...

so i strolled around outside while they were setting up for a couple weekend festivals and ish. i hit shuffle on the ipod and listened to the 20$ Sack Pyramid. i laughed a good bit. i aints herd that ish for a minute. i remember listening to that for the first time with a strange, dorky early-hike school friend. decent kid and probably turned out alright (man he was SUPER fast when we played football. i'd hit him with a slant and he was gone)... but after he introduced me to The Chronic (album only) and played some sports, we went separate ways. i think he moved too, and that was enough of a deterrent to get lazy on the friendship. i'm gonna venture to say that i chose that option though... cause i found out that he was a stalker. not to me. i'm definitely stalker-material (as far as being stalked). i mean shit, with my pretty face and snappy style, who wouldnt want to capture me and grow a whole field of me. but anyways, this kid didnt want my DNA, he wanted this girl from his hike school (i ended up at a different school, but met him the last year at middle schoo'). anyways, he was a total stalker for this girl. however, i only found this out when he got his first car. i thought he had a nice little crush going or something.. like she mightve been attainable, so i wasnt trying to judge too quickly. first real "like" and now he has a car.. ok, i can kinda understand. or something. i thought, hey, it might just be innocent. he would always make up an excuse to go somewhere like to the mall or needed to pick up a cd or something.. and of course i would go along cause everyone will take the chance to get the eff outta their house at that age.

but then we would cut through these neighborhoods. i use the plural form there because after the girl moved once, he found her new place and went past there too. i started to feel pretty uncomfortable with this. i think it all came to a head when me, Stalks, and my best buddy (to this day) were heading out somewhere. i forget where we were headed, but i remember that my buddy got nailed with a slushie. her dad was in the street when we passed by and apparently.. SOMEHOW his jig was up. i wasnt with him that many times in the car, but i guess he sure as hell went past their house enough times to give the family a heads up. so the dad said something about "stop driving by my house", he raised up and came correct with the slurpie and WHAMMO!!! right in my man's face in the backseat. sorry john. i shoulda told that story at your wedding.

anyways, needless to say, me and J had an i2i conversation and i dont think i talked to the kid after that. shit was aaaaaaaaall in his car, even though it got john quite a bit. naturally he was pissed too. i mean seriously.. this mafugger brought his issues upon us by force and not by choice. fucking mental. so we peace'd out on him and cut ties. good enough. go get shot by some crazy dad on your own time. oh, and i eventually found out that she was like a head cheerleader or like prom queen or something.... so not only was he stalking, but he was stalking the unattainable. granted, if youre stalking it doesnt have much of a chance of a healthy relationship, but still, stay in your league *somewhat*.

so that was that.

ps... it was a green/lime slurpie. and slurpies get really sticky when they dry. especially on your face.

Monday, September 03, 2007


Wow.....that didn't happen did it? 4 quarters and their season is over. No need to pretend "they've still got the Big 10 season and Rose Bowl to shoot for", unless they buy tix to watch the game - they ain't going to the Rose Bowl.

Unless they radically fix things then they'll be lucky to go 7-5. The ONLY bright spot for them is that Lloyd Carr will finally be shown the door. I would call for his resignation immediately but who would guide the ship? I guess since its sinking it wouldn't matter anyway.

Best case scenario would be to throw 10$ mil/year at Bill Cowher. I realize the chances of UM getting him are slim to none. Its time to start the search though.

You all know how much I love instant history (s), but you have to say this is one of the biggest upsets in sports history right? I'd rank the US over Russia "Miracle" game as the best but this has to be in the discussion. I'd put this up there with George Mason's run in the tourney 2 seasons ago.

There was some interesting baseball happenings this weekend - I'll let Mets fans speak for themselves.

Lebronze and Co win the TOA. I'm glad they won, you add D Wade and Brand to that team and they'll beat anyone by 25+. I'd bring up adding others like KG, Marrion, etc. but I don't think they're walking through that door. Either way, the US looks to have regained that swagger - mainly because of Kobe (ns).

For the record : Port Wine Cheese = B+

Well that's all I've got enjoy your Labor Day.

Don't forget my motto of kicking a man when he's down, have at it.

Saturday, September 01, 2007


We need a new post for the start of the CFB season.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino