Friday, August 31, 2007

El Pad's Top 25 College Football Preview

First a couple of random thoughts:

Joe McKnight = Reggie Bush?
I'm not going to lie, a little pee came out when Hart, Henne, Manningham and Long announced they were coming back.
Georgia Tech might not suck, no Reggie Ball.
Arizona may surprise some people.
Imagine TCU beating Texas in Austin??????!!!!!
Arkansas is spiraling down, could hurt McFaddens Heisman run.
Speaking of Hesiman, I kind of like McCoy.
Yes, Tem I know. White and Slaton could win also.
Hawaii is going to go undeafeated, that's a fact.
TCU could be in the BCS mix as well, strong mid-major.
Saban has to improve on the 6-7 record right?
Jim Harbaugh is in Stanford. Don't know if anyone knew that.
WVU in the Title Game? Gasp!

*records are last year

1. USC (11-2 in 2006*)
National Champions. Ausberry, Turner, Mcknight = Jarret, Williams, Bush.
And the defense is faster than Nick Hogan's Supra.

2. West Virginia (11-2)
My god. I can't believe it either but by process of elimination I'd have to say they will line up vs USC in the title game. Michigan will stumble in at least one of their games, I'm not sold on LSU, and Florida will have at least one loss by Halloween. If they can go undeafeated into the game home Louisville game then they have a tremendous shot. The Mundy transfer could be huge.

3. Florida (13-1, National Champs)
The offense will be better, which is sort of scary but the entire defense has undergone some sort of change. That normally doesn't bode well for a back to back. And I have already got LSU over them in Baton Rouge, so that's strike one. Sometimes in college football that's all it takes.

4. Texas (10-3)
Hell, you think I have them too high. Check this fool. They were cruising towards an 11-1 record til young Colt went down. All his receivers are back. Yeah, that's what I thought.

5. Michigan (11-2)
Can the D hold up? If they allow less than, say, ballpark, 17-24 points a game they have a legitimate shot at a title game. I don't think they can. They will be a hell of a team to watch though.

6. LSU (11-2)
Big win over Florida, great home schedule but for some reason I ain't feeling it. Russell was so good the QB dropoff will be glaring and the Va Tech game could be trouble for them.

7. Oklahoma (11-3)
If Bradford can step in and have a good year this team will make some serious noice. Like car crash noise.

8. Louisville (12-1)
Brohn is NFL ready but I don't like the new coach situation. Plus the RB by comittee doesn't always work out. They will score a ton though.

9. Va Tech (10-3)
That defense is stingy. Real stingy. Insert Cho joke here :

10. Nebraska (9-5)
Catapulting into the top ten on Sam Keller's arm. What a pick up!

11. Wisconsin (12-1)
Impressive rookie year out of that coach they got. Back to back 12 win seasons don't just grow on trees though.

12. Ohio State (12-1)
OSU being picked to suck this year. This I cannot understand. People it's the same PROGRAM. Good programs never die. When the programs change then the teams suffer.
Stop the madness this is going to be a good football team.

13. Boise State (13-0)
On the legs of Ian Johnson. They also return 10 starters on O and still play on that freaky blue grass.

14. Rutgers (11-2)
If Teel can be the man he was the last couple of weeks we might see them in a BCS bowl game. If not, back to reality. Sorry Tony Soprano.

15. Cal (10-3)
Offense is sick. If they can be consistent and play well on the road they can be super good.

16. Auburn (11-2)
33-5 in the past three seasons. That's all I need to know, I might be short-selling them. Although that O-Line looks porous to me.

17. Penn State (9-4)
Stud LB's, again. Can Anthony Morelli be something better than ordinary? Will Jo Pa get Lasik?

18. Georgia (9-4)
Stafford will be better, I'm just wondering who's gonna get the rock. The WR's they have on roster are not good.

19. Boston College (10-3)
Veteran team man. How can some polls have them unranked? Senior QB, 16 returning starters and a good defense. Don't punish them because they play in the Lost World that is the ACC.

20. Arkansas (10-4)
Too much talent to not crack the top 20 but they have several in-house issues. That could be disruptive. And key people missing on D.....

21. TCU (11-2)
They might fuck with the world and go undefeated. The D-line is gnarly. HUUUGEE game in Texas on Sept 8.

22. Tennessee (9-4)
Lost Meachem, and Coker became a nut. Ainge has a broken finger. He'll play though. The late season swoon fucked them pretty good. And gave me no confidence to pick them any higher than this.

23. Hawaii (11-3)
Undeafeated. They play like 3 middle schools and a junior high school. Brennan breaks the record (Syms passing record) and I take them every week and buy a helicopter. I love college football.

24. UCLA (7-6)
Beat USC last year. The alumni fully expects to compete for a Pac-10 title. I don't see it but whatever, I'm tired.

25. South Florida (9-4)
The Big East is for real like Derek. Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk. I love Matt Grothe at QB and the defense shut down Slaton and White of WVU. They are grimy.

Couple of games to throw some coin on:

WVU -24 over Western Mich
This is as money as a tray of Sausage N Peppers. Nuff said. (100 units)

Oregon -15 over Houston
This line puzzles me. Jonathan Stewart should have 200 yards rushing. (50 ducats)
Ga Tech +2.5 over Notre Dame
People are selling short this GA Tech team. Remember, Reggie Ball was proably the worst QB in college football last year. He's gone. And whichever QB Fatty McFatty decides to start will have a rough go of it vs GA Tech's pass rush. (50 Yellowjackets)

And breathe.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Internet Tube

So, I've pretty much spent the last 5 hours wandering aimlessly about youtube. I figured it was a good way to spent my time. I've selected my five favorite.

Those two were light and fun. These next three are all high quality productions that appear to have taken quite a bit of work.

And my favorite. The dude doesn't know how to play the drums or piano, but makes a song. Awesome.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

You're the next contestant on....

...STFU and sit down in your seat! Sit on down, yaaaaay! Now shadd-up.

-Ok, since we are allegedly attempting to put effort into putting actual posts up, I will join in with the fun. I guess I am doing this by default, as I cant get any hOt ShOtz oF AzZ at work, so I dont really care to help those that can get em. Really, WTF do I care? Yes, I could help out my fellow man (and woman), but where will that get me? I'll end up with absolute ska-doosh (other than a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and who wants that) and you'll just end up getting all aroused at work. I'm actually doing you a favor. I think this is best for both parties. Kinda like how when I left my wife and yet I got to keep the house and most of the money cause she showed that she was as vindictive, money-grubbing bitch. This hurts me more than it hurts you. But hitting you with that switch the other day? Well that hurt you more than it hurt me, I aint gonna lie. That shit didnt hurt me at all. Hell, I wasnt the one getting hit with no damn switch!

Now stop your crying or I'll really give you something to cry about!

-The Vick thing is nasty and all.. but let me tell you something. I am on Grandma Patrol this week because my parents are out of town. Check up on her and make sure she's ok and all that crap... so anyways, she obviously sits around and watches the news and daytime soaps all day, so her and I have plenty to talk about (sar-kaz-em). Actually I do like Granny as a person, she is actually mad cool. Dont think my ass is trying to shit-talk my Granny, cause she's hype (do that "hand by face" dance from the 80s). Actually an amazing cook too, which fits nicely into the grandmother stereotype and my belly enjoys it too.

Which was making me think.. and this will be a little random, do you truly expect anything else? Of all the things that mankind has succeeded and failed at (well, moreso reached or not reached its full potential at..) I think one thing that we have reached the greatest heights at is food. Yes, food. We can't get people to like each other or even be remotely tolerant, but got'amn, we can make em fat and happy and just make some perfect meals. Even skinny and happy too, I guess, cause I enjoy a nice concoction that involves fruit and healthy shit as well. I used to think that all the terrorist douchebags needed to concentrate on getting laid in THIS life rather than hoping the remains of their spirit gets a tweak in the afterlife and then everything would be alot better. But now, I'm thinking food could be a replacement for that too. Look at all the positives. You already have a towel (wipe your mouth), your ladies cover themselves up (so if they get fat, you dont have to look at them), and youre all really skinny (so you can either stay skinny or get as fat as you want). Take a break from being filmed doing barrel rolls in a dusty field with a automatic weapons for a few minutes and have a piece of pie. Maybe try this one jello-with-strawberries and preztel shit that Gma makes. You will sit back full but content underneath your parachute-turned-canopy and just enjoy the breeze that only 112ยบ weather can provide. Sweet, sweet life. Food. Mark it down, kids. You can be too insecure to let Jenny or Billy see your pee-pee or your fat little tummy, but you youre never ashamed to open your mouth for a tasty snack. And in this instance, you really need to think outside of things that come in a box from the corner store or other ish that you have sitting around your house. I'm talking about those assmunches on the cooking networks and in expensive, famous restaurants. Foods that take you to another level of piggery. Of course I dont exactly frequent those places or eat that type of food all that much ..ever, but maybe I should. That's the reason I steal money from friends and relatives, or at least i tell myself that. It started out to be the reason, but then with the meth, rocks and then needles getting so expensive, it's hard. Plus sex has gotten far too expensive as well. Kids these days are becoming entrepreneurs so young, it's almost becoming a deterrent. But we work hard so we can play hard. Or in my case, others work hard to I can play hard. Either way, I can afford to go buy nice things. It's a circle of.. something. Trust me.

-So anyways, back to this Vick thing and me taking a few minutes out of my day to connect with Gee-maw (I'm so selfless). She starts to tell me that its disgusting and all "that" and how she thinks they should give him the max (the 5 years). She's not being a lunactic knee-jerker though, she just loves dogs and my Gpa always had a bunch at any given time. But still, I'm like right right.. not really concernced... murders are happening to people and dogs are not as high on my list. While I love my golden retriever and I *guarantee* that I would literally (literally-literally) beat someone close to death if they ever harmed my own pup, theres just more shocking and appauling things out there.

But then she busts out this little story. Somebody around here was in the news for Dog Crime as well. Aww shit, do we have a new trend or new venacular to add to the rotation? Well, be ready for Debbie Downer now..

They took a non-fighting dog and *threw it through a window* (glass/screen/open?) into a house that had an aggressive fighting dog in it and they let the dog get attacked and killed. The raging Bonds dog obviously kicked the living hell out of the other one but then proceeded to drag it outside into the front yard, leaving blood down the steps and out of the house. I dont know if they meant it as a way to "teach" the dog how to fight or if it was simply a sacrifice to the Gods of Dumb Fucks. But yeah, blood on your front steps and one dog killing another in your front yard? Thats gonna get you found out pretty quickly.. havent seen the story online yet, it was just on the local nobody-watches crap.. and ya know, I dont exactly expect to be able to link to this story ever cause it didnt involve anybody that was worthy of note. It just included some scummy people from The D. Maybe we should hand out press passes and get some people out there ASAP and see if we can get this guy that did this to the dog fired from his job or at least convicted in the court of public opinion. We can follow him to the gas station each morning and then wait for him to get off @ 6. Or send a couple reporters in there to grab the bathroom key and see if you can maybe get a quote out of him. Erin Andrews and her beautiful, plentiful.. lips... could go in there and try to talk to him. She's got extremely beautiful... lips.

-And since beggars cant be choosers, if you thought this was too long and are going to complain and/or whine about it, save yourself the time: I dont want to hear your opinion. Hey, at least I'm honest.

Hugs and kisses.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

1st half diary and Blow review

Let's just get right to it. Temdiary of first haalf of the MNF game.

8pm – 7th word was Michael Vick. Well 7th and 8th. WWL doesn’t waste time. Now Vick is talking. He is retarded. I’m serious. He needs educated. VT must not teach athletes.

8pm – Bud Light is the drink of choice tonight. Why? Because it was on sale.

8:01 – Mike Tirico has a funny bald spot on his head. He has like a widow’s peak or something. I guess you really just have to see it.

8:08 – 2 plays, 2 big gains for the Bengals. They just praised Chad Johnson for a block. His block was shitty. He set the bar low. Good expectations management on his part. 3 helmet stickers.

8:09 - Carson just hit Housh in the head. Incomplete. Carson is pissed. He might have to kick some ass.

8:12 – Lowes commercial with 2 chicks shopping by themselves. That doesn’t happen. Chicks always take guys to Lowe’s with them.

8:13 – Dunn is starting. I am happy I drafted him in some leagues. Of course they haven’t given him the ball. Well 3rd and 15 and they hand it off to him. Petrino just did that to spite me.

8:15 – Jaws and TK are arguing about what a QB is. Jaws “it’s not running around like a crazy guy” to TK’s “it’s not Joey Harrington.” I’m not sure why they are arguing.

8:19 – If you took the over on how many times the announcers would say “Vick” you already won. I don’t even care what the line was set at. You already won.

8:20 – Holcomb to the Vikings just scrolled across the screen. That sucks for Tavarius.

8:21 – Jaws must be getting a hot dog because he hasn’t talked for a minute or two. They even axed him something and he didn’t answer.

8:22 – Jamal Anderson is playing DE for the Falcons. It’s good to know that he recovered from his knee problems and moved from RB to DE. Apparently he is a good DE.
8:25 - Jaws likes to slow down in the middle of a sentence. It is kind of annoying. The he speeds itupattheend. It is weird.

8:26 – Bobby Petrino was a great college coach, so he must be great in the Pros. Just like Carrol and Spurrier.

8:28 – Scooter store commercial followed by a HP Computer commercial telling parents to buy one for their kids. I get it. Buy the scooter for your parents and the computer for the kids. Only people like TP watch MNF.

8:31 – ONSTAR Commercial number 2. This one had Tiger. He is funny. Apparently he always has a 9 iron with him because he was going to use it to get into his car. He didn’t have any other clubs with him.

8:32 – I gotta say Joey H doesn’t look too bad. That means the Bengals D sucks. Of course Harrington’s play fakes just suck. He fakes to nobody.

8:33 – Lowest winning pct with at least 60 starts…..Archie Manning. Hahahahaahhaaha. Of course they make excuses for him.

8:35 – TD Harrington to a wide open guy I never heard of. ATL is running the offense from the second half of Varsity Blues. 5 WRs and make them cover Tweeder one on one.

8:36 – Bud Select has 20 less calories than Bud Light.

8:37 – Arthur Blank looks like a mafia member. I’m just sayin.

8:42 – Jaws says 3 elite QBs. Brady, Manning, Palmer. Umm OK. I think some other folk might disagree. TK certainly does and won’t let it go. Jaws says that’s because McNabb gets hurt….umm like Carson didn’t. Dumbclit. Of course TK fails to bring this up. I swear they turned his mic off.

8:47 – What’s with the green stickers on the Bengal’s helmets? Anyone know?

8:49 – DeAngelo Hall shaved “I own 85” into his head. He is funny. And pretty good. I’d buy a Hall jersey. I bet Rev has one.

8:51 – Jaws “ it is the blitz my friend. Does a goodjobofgettingitonthenumbers of Housh Man Zada.” I am going to hate the Jaws era. He just randomly speeds up and slows down mid sentence.

8:58 - Rudi “gets it a lot.” That’s good to know that he gets it a lot. But it sounds like Henry who has 9 kids with 9 different women gets it more.

9:00 Chad just made DeAngelo Hall look silly. Chad is cool too. Apparently he has already put money away to pay his celebration fines this year.

9:01 Commercial saying MNF starts September 10th….Umm wtf am I watching now?

9:02 – Interview with Mort RE: Vick. I hope he is as accurate as when he said Vick wouldn’t be charged.

9:05 – TD ATL. Of course all we hear is Mort running his mouth. It was a nice TD by Norwood. So far Norwood > Dunn.

9:06 – Mort says 4-5 players have exposure to dog fighting. Mort has 0 credibility RE: dog fighting.

9:10 – Like 10 minutes of pure Vick talking. I am sick of it…..been sick of it.

9:19 - Make that almost 20 minutes. They aren’t even talking about the game. Tirico, Jaws and TK are out getting a beer. Hell they could have fucked two bitches each in this time.

9:20 – Damn Michelle Tafoya is fugly.

9:21 – Palmer to Johnson looks good today. Another big play.

9:23 – Phone calls are slowing me down on the diary. I guess Cinci missed the XP. Fuck it, this is enough of the diary. You get the point. Plus this will be the halftime score. 14-13. Harrington looked good when he wasn't throwing crossing routes.

Finally, Tem movie review of Blow. Which of course he hasn’t seen:

Blow is awesome. It’s about a skinny white chick who loves cocaine. And giving blow jobs. I think Johnny Depp is in it. It sounds like something he’d be into. If he wasn’t in it then it was like he was. Anyway skinny white chick does a great job and you get to see lot of titties. She has to do a lot of things to keep her in the coke. I think she even sold Avon and bought a time share. All sorts of zany plans. Anyway back to the boobs, they are skinny B cups, so that kinda sucks. I think this movie won the Academy Award for best picture and best art.

Anyway 4 out of 5 helmet stickers.

OK have at it bee snatches.

Friday, August 24, 2007

top 68, i'm tired

Fantasy TOP 0ne hunnit (only got to 68, too long) :
Tomlinson - no shit.
Stephen Jackson - Zorse.
S. Alexander - If someone takes Gore third make sure you laugh heartily. King Alexander is healthy and scores more TD's than any other back outside of the top 2.
L.J - Aging line and pourous team dropped him below Shaun.
Gore - not in love with him @5 but i'm a perfectionist. Couldnt blame you if you took the next guy.
Westbrook - dyno-mite, when he's not hurt
Addai - goaline carries hurt him, peyton so good inside the 20
fast willie parker - aaaaaahhhh SUPERFLY.
Peyton Manning - facial expressions = classic, outside shot at 40 TD's = priceless
RUDI, RUDI - Consistent back, 12-14td's and 20-25 carries a game
Reginald BUSH - caught 88 balls last year.....he's a double threat
Travis Henry - Workzorse who now gets to run in that Shanahan system, could be a huge year for Travis
Maroney - #1 back--with all the WR's NE has who knows if they will need him (s)
McGahee - Avoid him if you could (injuries). they do pound the shit out of the ball though
Carson Palmer - 4500 yards, 30+ TD's = possible
Cedric Benson - Lots of draftnik's low on Benson, cant figure out why... the team runs the ball at a 70-30 clip.
Ronnie Brown - another guy who you hope can make it to thanksgiving in one piece
Marvin Harrison - marvin be starvin for out routes and td's and P-bone makes it rain
Chad Johnson - For TD celebrations of course
Torry Holt - guy can catch an egg thrown to him via post route and it wont break, soft hands
Edge - Avoid. Unless board dictates otherwise
Jones-drew - dont forget that he's tiny, had a great rookie year and also takes returns kicks, buyer beware
Roy Willams - STUD
Reggie Wayne - P bone makes it rain, dont forget it
Tom Brady - Brady and friends could put on a dazzlying display on any given sunday and he plays the Jets two times so you have that
Brees - Easy breeesssey is as accurate as a rolex
Bulger - holt. Jackson. Bennet. McMichael. dome.
Deuce - i wish he were white, deuce as a name for a whiteboy would be awesome
Portis - he gets the rock, plain and simple
Marshawn Lynch - high for a rookie i know but dude is sick, gonna be a top 5 pick one day
Thomas Jones - can be a hell of a back when motivated
Steve Smith - game breaking skillz
Larry Fitz - awesome, hope Leinart gets him the rock early and your in for a 50 point day
T.O - the bonds of NFL (jerk)
Brandon Jacobs - all goaline duties
Rex Grossman - joking, just trying to see if your still paying attention
Jon Kitna - i gaurantee he has a good year, stat wise
anquan boldin - solid, real solid-- sort of like a good roast beef sammich
T J Houshhhh - chad gets the fame but housh plays the game
andre Johnson - give me the ball SCHAUBBIIIEEEE
Donald Driver - one night he hung 60 on me, the next year i drafted him and we went all the way, i love you donald driver your a beautiful man
McNabb - if healthy you got a great fantasy qb, my suggestion is grabbing a Alex Smith or Manning somewhere arounf round 4 or 5 to backup Donovan
Lee Evans - guy put together some huge games last year
Ahman Green - shit, might turn out to be a steal
Plax - he's tall
Randy Moss - hope those piano string hammies hold tight
Marion Barber - see Brandon Jacobs
Marques Colston - Sophmore slump? I'll have none of it
Cadillac Williams - needs to be more consistent but best back on the board right now
DeAngelo Willaims - will be starting by week 5, your welcome
Brandon Jackson - gonna surprise some people
Antonio Gates - used to play basketball, or so they say
Adrian Peterson - risky but could bump Chester the molester to the bench
jamal lewis - rejuvenation or the end of the road
Hines Ward - on the decline but the guy catches everything
Hasselback -unsexy pick but hey it's like frosted flakes, always good
Reggie Brown - the bulldog has improved every year
Tatum Bell - very nice line, starting because of KJ's injury
L Coles - eh, if you must
Tony Gonzo - will be the security blanket for young Brodie
Phillip Rivers - off the play action, the plays are there and he can make those throws
Santana Moss - i wish his little bro was as good as him
Julius jones - barber takes his thunder
Cutler - kid can fling the rock, for real tho
tomy homo - fuck you
ladell betts - portis annual insurance policy
alex smith - i like what i see
Galloway - deep threat, garcia's scrambling ability, all good things
vincent jackson - could put together a nice season

i like big latin booty

with baby oil on it

only disagree with a few fdrom this top 200

Thursday, August 23, 2007

What did I just say?

Texas scored a lot of runs. Like most since 1897 a lot. The weird thing about it was that a save was recorded. I'm not exactly sure how that's possible. I always thought you had to come in when the lead was 3 or less. The guy who got the save came in when it was 14-3. Anyone know how to explain that?

In other news, the opening of the NFL is coming up, and we need to put our preview together. I think the idea was proposed to try to get a fan from each division to handicap it.

I'm really disliking the new Chase format. There is absolutely no incentive to lead the points after 26 races. I think it's a good idea that they're giving bonuses for races won, but you also have to acknowledge the acheivement of the most consistent driver. It's ridiculous to have someone drive for 6 months and then tell them it meant nothing. I would propose 10 or even 20 point gaps between each position. I know it's supposed to be the "playoffs" and the playing field needs to be leveled, but in all the other major sports you get home field advantadge. Since you can't have HFA in NASCAR, there needs to be some other way to reward the driver who was best in the regular season.

I leave you in the hands of Scrubs and Beer. Hooray Beer.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

It's almost time

It's almost time for the start of the NFL and CFB seasons. I couldn't be more excited. Ever since I was a kid I have loved football. I always wanted to play football. Other kids would want to play kick the can or wiffle ball or basketball, but I'd always vote for football. For me, its by far the most awesome sport out there. Of course the dimwits in my neighborhood didn't like football that much so we didn't play that much. So I blame them for my lack of an NFL career. I might sue. Sadly in this country I might have a case of some kind.

Random side note: Ever notice that people can't drive when it rains a little bit?

I had a friend in hike school that always said that when he died and went to heaven that he wished God would have his backyard football stats waiting for him. Complete with awards like rookie of the year and MVPs. I always thought that was a great idea, it's another one of those topics that you could just discuss for hours. What else would you want to know? And I mean statistical stuff. Like lifetime free throw percentage. I always thought that I hardly ever dropped passes, I'd love to find out how many flat out drops I have had in my lifetime. I'd love to know the fastest I have ever run. I am sure at one point in my life when the adrenaline was really flowing that I was moving. Of course God will probably tell me that the fastest I ever went was a 4.6 forty equivalent, which is fast, but I think just once that I had to have gone faster.

Random side note: How's Blue's bracket of hot bloggers going? Damn I think I have axed this before. Deja Vu.

Anyway, enough with the reminiscing about the past. Time to talk about the future or at least the present. NASCAR is giving it a go today at 10am. If it runs I am hoping to peep some of the race at lunch. It's always nice to watch some live sports during the middle of the work day. The baseball pennant/wild card races are really heating up. There are a lot of teams with legitimate shots right now. Of course the media is dominated by Vick stories or NFL/CFB previews so the baseball stuff isn't really getting a lot of play. That's OK though. I think pretty much everyone knows about it anyway. That's actually my biggest gripe with the media, they just tell me the same thing over and over again. They tell me stuff I already know. Repackaging a story and having another person tell me the same story in their own words wastes my time. Fuck you news people.

Well that is probably enough of me writing. I think I am tired of typing and y'all are probably tired of reading. If you even made it this far. Anyway, have at it bee snatches.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Who wants a condo?

Selig drops the ball again. Giambi should have been punished somehow. A fine at least.
If Bonds said "we shouldnt have used that stuff" and apologized for it he would have been thrown in jail and kept prisoner by V from "V for Vendetta". Jus sayin.
Treat them the same Bud. You look like a fool, again.

Couple of sleepers for you boneheads playing fantasy....

Jerry Porter WR Oakland - #1 guy in Oaktown now, a year removed from seperating himself from the team because of that tub of lard he had for a coach....he's a steal in the late rounds at WR , numbers-- 81 receptions, 912 yards, 7 TD's

Marshwan Lynch RB Buffalo - Take the pressure of JP Losman, he looks like a young Ahman Green. Guy can run, catch and run. He's a must have in a keeper league for me.

That's all you get and you'll like it.
Next week you'll get the full Fantasy Top 50.

Liqour in the front, poker in the rear.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


I'm taking post #299 on LOV's 1st birthday.

Why? Cause I'm the friggin Rev, that's why!

I'm just throwing this up there. I'm not trying to steal Freak's Thursday thunder. I hope he posts like normal. Or you all can be lazy and let this post stand for Thursday. Whatever floats your collective boat.

I'm not gonna get all mushy on you guys. But I have something to say.

Good job to everyone for keeping this thing going for a full year. It actually amazes me.

I think the most amazing thing to me is that you all keep coming back here, and you all remember so much about what we all did in the past. I was laughing my ass off at some of the comments today about past LOV moments. And the fact that most of the core guys are still around here busting on each other to this day, well that's pretty unbelievable.

And to think, all I really did was respond to Zeke's comment over at DB's place one year ago today about getting the hell out of there and starting our own thing up. Now, one year later, we are still doing the same crap we did then. And there's no sign of it stopping anytime soon.

Well, you all are doing it without me around most of the time. Not a day goes by though that I don't miss hanging around here. But I do thank you all for keeping this going strong without me. I may be dead to some of you, but my ghost will live. And I assure you... I'm still watching.

I'll end this with one quick story. Of course you all know I just got back from the honeymoon cruise. And of course, while on my honeymoon, not only did I make it a point to shell out 20 bucks for about 40 minutes of internet time while on the boat just so I could post here during the day like old times, I also had a moment while strolling around Maine that made me think of LOV.

That's the moment I took a picture of that boat that said "Beth Said Yes". That's the one I have posted on my blog.

First thing I thought of when I saw that boat... "Man, the gang at LOV will think this is funny!"

On my honeymoon, I'm thinking of LOV.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Anyways, I hope this place is around for a long time. VIVA!

If you ain't no punk holla "We Want Prenup!" (WE WANT PRENUP!)

It was a good run.


1,295,673 = the amount of times "douchebag", or some form thereof, has been referenced.

7,984 = Cattle wearing hats. They moo, they shit, they squirt.

Gold/Yellow = God has prepared heaven for us. Rev. 21:21b

28,901,604 = Amount of times Weasel has been chastized and/or made fun of.

Black = Sin separates us from God and keeps us out of heaven. Rom. 3:23, 6:23

57 = One less than 58.

Blenders = Good for blending.

427 = Deuces in a week for Deekie.

Red = Jesus shed his blood on the cross to pay for our sin. Ro. 5:8, I Pete. 3:18a

1,328 = games El Pad has bet on in the past 3 months. (Keep enough of the winnings so she won't have to go get her "own job" at 14.)

White = If we accept Jesus and turn from our sins, our hearts are made clean. John 1:12, Romans 10:9

203,405,990 = amount of private laughs that you've shared with a bunch of people you'll probably never meet.

Green = After believing and receiving what Jesus did we need to grow in our relationship with Him by reading the Bible, praying, and attending a church where the
Bible is taught. Matthew 18:20, John 1:7

Left field = Commonly considered the pull field.

18 = The weight (in lbs.) of one Rev plate on his honeymoon.


Happy Anniversary, my lovely bride.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

1 More day?

Is this the day before the LOV 1 year anniversary? I think it is. If not it is really soon. I guess that's some sort of accomplishment, but I don't know. It's definitely made the last year of work go by a little quicker, so that is cool. I ain't going to wax poetically about LOV, but if the 1yr thing is true then that is cool.

Random side note: Wax poetically might be the gayest thing I have ever written.

Does anyone else here think that they could totally write a good novel? I am convinced I could come up with some decent shit to publish. I think my downfall would be being too concise. I'm a man of few words. Not that it shows from my posts as I routinely post in Rev like proportions. In any case, if I ever get bored enough I might write me a book. 100% chance the phrase panda dick would be in there. 110% all hat and no cattle would make it too.

Random Side Note: Sorry ladies, you are just poor drivers. Someone needs to put a stop to it. Just stop driving, I know everyone says that females suck at driving and its totally true. I am tired of talking about it though. It's time to start slashing tires and shit.

Well it is possible that some folk want some sports info posted here. Well I don't feel like writing about how fucked Vick is. He is very fucked. I will write about how Tim Wakefield either pitches a gem or just gets shelled. I guess that's the life of a knuckleballer. He pitched a gem last night. I can't really say much else happened last night. MNF was on and it was cool. You can see my comments on that in the comments section from yesterday. In more wholesome sports news, the Little League World Series is approaching. I wonder if El Pad bets on that. In fantasy football news it looks like Thomas Jones should be OK for the start of the season, but his injury will cause him to slide in drafts. LJ might be signing soon, that'll be good for the Chiefs fans...umm all 1 or 0 who read this.

Random side note: I hate the fade route. I swear that fucker has about a 5% success rate. Why do teams ever run that shit? The fade thing where they throw a bullet behind the receiver is much better. It works at least 12% of the time. Fade routes are just a waste of a down. Especially in the NFL, defenders are too good and surprisingly the QBs aren't anywhere near as accurate as they need to be. Fuck the fade.

Tem movie review of a movie I have never seen:

Red Eye is about the crazy dude from Batman who gets on an early morning flight and tries to get some chick to join the mile high club with him. I am pretty sure he is playing the exact same character. The movie makers don't even pretend he is a different guy. Anyway, the chick refuses and he goes all sorts of crazy and does some fucked up things. Eventually they land and he fucks with her some more then the cops catch him. Nothing was really cool in this movie. No titties. If you want to see a movie about a plane then watch Passenger 57 or Omar Epps' follow up Passenger 58. Red Eye gets 1 helmet sticker out of 5.

Friday, August 10, 2007

i want to live in jakarta

I got an early line, WVU is laying 23 points to Western Michigan.
Take WVU for 100 units.

Ok enough for now.
The next three weeks I will be immersed in football research for both my gambling addiction, previews, and fantasy. Can't wait.

I peeped game on Colts / Cowboys last night. Only the first Q though cuz that's all i give a fuck about. I don't care if the 7th round pick out of Central Conneticut makes a nice play. Can you say PRACTICE SQUAD.

Speaking of pre-season, why is that 4 games again? These teams don't make enough revenue on the reg season? Every year a major player goes down in a pre-season game. And even if it's not a major player it's always an important player to that team. A tackle kinked up for the first 5 games, a tight end limoping around til week 8, a linebacker playing through a injury every week cuz in pre-season game #3 he sprains a knee or elbow. It's just dumb.

Two games is enough I would think. How much more preperation can one do?

Off season workouts - check
Mandatory mini-camps - check
Training camp - check
Scrimmages - check
4 pre-season games - check

Seems like overkill to me.

Manning makes me laugh. The way he warms up, with that grimacing face. Oh and big fuck you to Aikman. Pansy.

And women sideline reporters need to go. Serious. Espeacially the basset hounds they trot out there on a regular basis. Pam Oliver, my god would any human being (excluding all NBA players) have sex with that animal. Ugh. I got the quivers now.

weazy rubbed one out in a Cardinal hat last night, i;e Ankiel.

Harris's catch was sick....kudos. Mets still win the division though so EAD haters.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I saw a skunk

Yesterday I saw a skunk. Those things look like weasels, except black and white and their tails are always in the ready to fire position. The damn thing was wandering around and then went by my car (I was in the house). Thankfully it then wandered on by the car and into the neighbors yard. At that point I tried to scare it with a flashlight and some loud noises, but it didn't really give a fuck. For whatever reason the idea of that skunk spraying the neighbors house was highly entertaining. I'm gonna consult the bible (blessed be) and see what it says about scaring skunks. I don't want to be ill prepared again.

Random Side Note: Fmtem says that I use these too much for them to be random. I had to explain to her that it is the topic that is random, not the side note itself. Umm, that's all.

NASCAR News: Kyle Busch to drive for Gibbs. He's gonna drive the 18. I don't even know who drives it now, some scrub. So this is an upgrade. From scrub to shrub. For all you non-NASCAR fans out there, you'll just have to trust me that "from scrub to shrub" is a hilarious joke. I'm not even going to explain it.

It's that time of the year where the nice NFL players go ahead and get hurt before fantasy drafts. So far not too many have really gotten hurt so there isn't much news to report. Booger is d-u-n for awhile and some other folk are hurting, but no big news yet. T.O. is of course not going to practice. This should shock nobody. He sat out as many practices as possible when Parcells was his coach, dude is going to walk all over Wade. It'll be like when Mrs. Wormwood gets sick and Calvin needs a substitute. That lady goes home at noon.

Random Side Note: Did you all know that most plants are right handed? That's what my left handers calendar told me today. I thought I should share.

SG did another BS report. This one is with Dave Metzler. If I had any clue who that was, I might listen to it. If nobody fills me in then there is a 0% chance that I'll tem-diary that shit.

Random Side Note: Sour Patch Kids are fucking awesome.

It's time to talk about Bill Walsh. Dude is not getting the respect he deserves in the media. I ain't saying that he was the best coach ever, or the most important, or anything of that ilk. I'm just saying that he was a damn good coach and a little bit of some airtime on the WWL was certainly due. I'm 100% sure they could have pre-empted something about Who's Now or Vick or Bonds or Soccer to show a little something something about Walsh. Eff You ESPN.

OK that's it for today folks. Have at it bee snatches.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

You don't put rims on a Bentley

I guess I have some ish to write about and don't need to put a stamp on this puppy.

Bourne Ultimatum: 5 out of 5 Prince Chills. A trilogy that ends with its best movie. Superb.

Some good movies coming down the pipeline. Get your American Gangsters chub going now.

Selig's reaction to Barry : Kinda funny that he didn't mind raking in the bucks as Mark and Sammmy helped "save baseball" with the HR chase. Now Bud has morals. Grow a set Bud. Either say "I'm not down with this" or put on your best shit eating grin till its over.

NASCAR on ESPN : It's gotten to the point that having ESPN involved in any sport not named MLB or NFL is bad. There are some good points to ESPN's coverage but people like Brad Daugherty kill it. From him I learned that Kurt Busch (a past champion) has a "championship in his entourage".

NFL HOF : I thought Jerry Jones had a good intro speech for Mike Irvin. Irvin's speach got cut-off by my DVR but from highlights he looked like a crying bitch. But I need to peep game. I'll miss him on Countdown. He worked for me on that show for some reason, even if there was wayyyyy too much hand and general touching between him and TJ. Not-for-nothin...Mike Irvin's HOF bust looked just a bit buck toofed. It was good to see some real live footyball action as well, even if it was pre-season. And FYI....our fantasy draft is in 13 days.

And how Art Monk is still not in the HOF is beyond me. A travesty.

I bought a new recliner this weekend and it is pimmmmmp. Its getting delivered next weekend, just in time for footyball.

And a nut-sack to Sprint. I bought a new celly for the first time in 2 years - wanted to redeem the buck fifty rebate I had. Picked out the phone, walked out, ish didn't work. Walk back in and get the eye-roll, condescending "it can take 4 to 6 hours to activate"....fuck you. 4 hours later I'm on the phone with customer service reprogamming it.

Well if you've stuck with it this long IDGAF. It don't matter what's written up here anyway.

Weasels are awful.

Friday, August 03, 2007

More from tem

Thanks be to Blue for mentioning this: College Football Top 25 came out:

1. Southern California (45)
2. LSU (4)
3. Florida (9)
4. Texas
5. Michigan (2)
6. West Virginia
7. Wisconsin
8. Oklahoma
9. Virginia Tech
10. Ohio State
11. Louisville
12. California
13. Georgia
14. Auburn
15. Tennessee
16. Rutgers
17. UCLA
18. Penn State
19. Nebraska
20. Arkansas
21. Florida State
22. TCU
23. Boise State
24. Hawaii
25. Texas A&M

Random side note: In addition to disliking skateboarders I also hate kids who fly around on their shoes with wheels. I am old, I know. Either that or evil because I just want to knock their asses over every time they wheel on by.

Lots of draft picks are signing. Calvin Johnson signs for 6 years. That's a long time. I figure there is something that ends the contract after 3 or 4 years. You know he will be getting re-upped in about 3 years if he is as good as we all think. The only remaining holdouts are:

1. Raiders JaMarcus Russell, QB
14. Jets Darrelle Revis, CB
22. Browns Brady Quinn, QB
23. Chiefs Dwayne Bowe, WR
25. Panthers Jon Beason, LB

Iono what's up with the mid 20s, but they need to get their asses to camp. If you were better you'd have been drafted higher. Revis needs to get to camp too. Isn't he the guy who was voted to be the next Pac Man Jones...and not in the good way. In the banned for a year for shooting at folk way.

Impromptu meeting, posting this now, unedited. tough.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Maj

The picture speaks for itself.

In other news Beth is uber wet after Texeria played for her team. I am sure his performance made her feel a little better after Julio was sent somewhere else. The Braves should just get it over with and make him some sort of coach.

Random Side Note: Does anyone read these?

The dot com has its picks for the 50 active players who will make Canton. I bet if I thought hard enough I could do a similar list. But I won't. Let me say this, I don't think Bruce Gradkowski is going to make it.

Random Side Note: Some kid just moved into the apartment next to mine. I can hear him talking non-stop to his friends or parents or someone. He is speaking Chinese or something though, so I guess it doesn't bother me. I just turn up my TV. He is probably telling his friends that his damn neighbor's TV is too loud, but that's OK, I am pretty sure I don't like him. Not because he is foreign, because I could care less. But because he drives a BMW and doesn't know the difference between the dishwasher and the microwave. 100% true, dude looked at the dishwasher during his move in and asked if that was the microwave.

And after like 100 attemps I have no Simpsonize me picture. I don't have a picture that big. At least one that has a face in it. I think today I will just find a picture of a random person and do that. If I get around to it.

New big boss just strolled into the office at 9:28am. I am going to give him some shit about it. Especially after he threw us all under the bus when super big boss complained that people were coming in too late. New big boss is all hat and no cattle. All suit and no tie. All glove and no bat.

OK that's all I got today. This is what happens when you pitch on one days rest.

Have at it bee snatches.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

corn chips.



french onion.

i like using my blinker.

jacque daniels.

here is where i am seeeeeeeeeeeeeriously debating on including a picture of a dead fetus on today's post. (i can still slap it up)

i decide against it and then order the lobster.

i wish i woulda ordered some Cottage Inn pizza. i think i'll do that tomorrow.

Bill #1, dont forget your measurements.

ps... cue the sloppy Spiffg articles on how this revives KG and how it makes him into a super marketable player now that he's in Boston.

also, tell the kids how KG will soon be thought of as the 'best kept secret' in the Niba since he had been stranded in Minny, but now Boston is just "THE fucking limelight" and all things gold travel through it.

lick satchel, Bill #2.

and vamoosh.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino