Thursday, July 12, 2007

Hold It Up

So, you're telling me I get to write after a day in which zero of the American professional sports leagues have any games?

Well, hot damn, aren't I lucky?

US under 20 team is looking pretty sweet. It was awesome, on the winning goal (in the 2nd half of OT, no less) one of the opposing defenders was trying to call a foul instead of marking his man. His man gets the ball off a deflection, passes it, easy shot from 3 yards out, game over, 2-1 USA.

The Tour's in full swing. The Americans have a slim chance at GC, but after only a few flat stages, none have done anything of note. A few wicked crashes have happened, one that involved nearly 25 riders and completely blocked the road for 125 riders behind them. The coolest part (beside the mangled metal and all) was, because of a rule that allows you to not lose time if you crash within the last 3 kilometers, all the stopped riders turned and watched the finish on a big screen.



Oh, and the ESPYs were taped last night. Why, do you ask, weren't they live? It only would have made sense because of the previous mentioned inactivity of EVERYTHING IN SPORTS. But no, ESPN is gonna wait until this weekend, just to see how many things they can conflict with. Smart thinking.

630 comments:

1 – 200 of 630   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Ok, per request from the other day, here are boobs for the first comment. :-)

Judge Michael Sauer said...

This is pretty funny

El Padrino said...

i like crashes

espn is retarded lately, more so than hin the past

the programming, the now shit

El Padrino said...

boobs

blue said...

America's got talent


and boobs

El Padrino said...

buttknuckles are not happy

Beth said...

What's a buttknuckle?

Beth said...

And why are they not happy?

Corbin said...

RICKEY HENDERSON TAKES OVER AS HITTING COACH FOR METROPOLITIANS!!!

HIS REGIME WILL BE FILLED WITH SB'S AND THIRD PERSONISMS!!! ALLRIGHT!!!

Corbin said...

My appologies to ELP and Freak for not being able to consumate the trade...

blue said...

BIS is not happy about the veto either.

Mills said...

Oh, and the ESPYs were taped last night. Why, do you ask, weren't they live? It only would have made sense because of the previous mentioned inactivity of EVERYTHING IN SPORTS. But no, ESPN is gonna wait until this weekend, just to see how many things they can conflict with. Smart thinking.
--------------

If you are going to blatantly rip off the SG (and not attribute it to him), and what he said yesterday, please don't do it at a blog of people that read him religously.

Thank you,

Mngmt

blue said...

corby, what do you care if 2 teams that are 38.5 and 51 games out of first place, make a trade.

The way i looked at it, EP was more willing to deal with everyone else than freak was.

This is why you suck, and why freak doesn't invite you to play with the cool kids.

blue said...

I told my wife about the cheesepie conversation from yesterday, she was not amused.

Corbin said...

"corby, what do you care if 2 teams that are 38.5 and 51 games out of first place, make a trade. "

I don't care...I merely expressed my condolances after I received an email stating that the trade had been veto'd

Mills said...

Fairly tails come true.

blue said...

Fuck a Papa Doc, fuck a clock, fuck a trailer, fuck everybody. Fuck y'all if you doubt me. I'm a piece of fuckin' white trash, I say it proudly

Mills said...

"He and Ron began working out seriously three months ago, and Daniel has already dropped at least 20 pounds."
-----------

20 lbs in 3 months is rev-like

El Padrino said...

a buttknuckle is a word i made up

i think i own it, and they are unhappy because a trade got vetoed (my trade, my team is the buttknuckles)

El Padrino said...

8 mile

El Padrino said...

obviously bud selig is wating til barry falls down a flight of stairs before making a decision

blue said...

i need to watch 8mile again, i think there is a rhyme in there about making the weasel go pop.

Mills said...

a buttknuckle is a word i made up
----------
is it related to a butt-nugget?

blue said...

uh oh..i quoted "rap" lyrics sorta...but they are also lines from a movie...i'm not sure if that helps or hurts me in the Power Rankings

Beth said...

Hate to burst your bubble ElP but I googled it before asking what it is and there's a buttknuckles.com website.

blue said...

who is to say that EP isn't the webmaster of that site? he has lots of business interests

El Padrino said...

no, not related
buttknuckles are rare breeds

Corbin said...

It depends if 8 mile is on mills approved list of pop culture/movie references...

can we get a ruling weazy?

Speaking of which, it's "post your rankings thursday" isn't it weazy?

El Padrino said...

wow, nice find, i thought i made the word up

i honestly never seen that before

back to the drawing board

Corbin said...

Good work on the link Nancy Drew...

thought this was funny

"George W Bush, probably one of the most prolific buttknuckles of our time, once said "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."

El Padrino said...

i wish i was the webmaster of that site, now im crushed

blue said...

a friend of mine was talking about Bush the other day. He was saying the Bush was as bad as Hitler.

The guy is crazy. Hitler was a much better public speaker.

blue said...

puh dum ting

(drum noises)

Corbin said...

I hope you're happy beth...you've crushed a mans dying wish...

We all pretended he made the word up, cuz that's the way Rev would have wanted it...now you go ahead and crush him...for what? For the satisfaction of being right?

blue said...

Breaking News!!!!

Darko is signing with the grizzlies

blue said...

So ESPN won't show the ESPY's live, but they'll write an article telling everybody who won.

That's brilliant

whocares said...

Bush>Hitler.

El Padrino said...

women and customers apparentely are always right

i tend to disagree

Beth said...

"I hope you're happy beth...you've crushed a mans dying wish..."

ElP's dying?

blue said...

everyone does realize the bush thing was a joke right?

Beth said...

But I'm a woman, crushing men's dreams is what we do.

(s) for me at least

blue said...

beth...from what we know about you, it's quite obvious you're the type of woman who makes men's dreams come true

Corbin said...

I didn't say "a dying mans wish"...

I said "a mans dying wish"...

So...really open to your own interpretation...guess that wish is officially dead now

blue said...

or at least fantasies

El Padrino said...

ignoring the morning rush of tps

literally

Beth said...

Thank you blue, I think...

whocares said...

"everyone does realize the bush thing was a joke right?"




Yeah, I thought it was a joke. But still wanted to give some biting political commentary.

Bush > Hitler is the best I can do.

Mills said...

everyone does realize the bush thing was a joke right?
----

yeah, just not a good one.


anyway, i am out for a bit. the man is on my scent. gotta play cool boy. real cool.

Corbin said...

Hitler > Weazy?

blue said...

"yeah, just not a good one."

oh no, my joke that I stole from Last Comic Standing did not live up to weazy's republican standards

Beth said...

Blue, how is Last Comic Standing this season? I have all the episodes on Tivo but haven't watched any yet.

blue said...

it's been ok. Last night was probably the best audition show of all of them this season.

they switched gears this season and have Kathleen Madigan, ANT, and Alonzo Bodden as "talent scouts" and they seem to focus too much on those 3, instead of the comics. ANT annoys the piss out of me.

El Padrino said...

"Hate to burst your bubble ElP"


god damn liar

Beth said...

It took you almost 1/2 an hour to figure that out ElP. :-)

El Padrino said...

no, fucking tps is up my ass like those matrix bugs

blue said...

i've told TPS that my ass is "exit only"

whocares said...

Ant seems to laugh extra hard at the gay comedians even when they arent funny.


We get it Ant. You're gay, they're gay. It's funny to talk about. Come up with a new angle please.

Corbin said...

I haven't seen an episode, but went to a local comedy club and Tommy Jonagin (sp) was there and he was decently funny...

Corbin said...

He was opening up for another guy who was on the show...but i heard the "headliner" got the boot and he's still there...

El Padrino said...

i dont watch that show

neither does tem

El Padrino said...

fucking gays

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm finally on anti-biotics.

Being sick for 2+ weeks blows.

El Padrino said...

meiz you got mano

stay away

El Padrino said...

"You're 80; you're not supposed to like my album"

said Calrkson to Clive Davis

El Padrino said...

300MM stolen from iraqi bank

black man in a tux said...

Kathleen Madigan, ANT, and Alonzo Bodden as "talent scouts"


good thing you dont need any talent to be a 'talent scout'.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No, not mono.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

no fever, no over tiredness.

just some ear, nose, & throat thing. Not that I actually went to the doctor.

whocares said...

As long as the pearly whites are okay, Meiz. That's all we're worried about.

black man in a tux said...

does the tooth fairy leave money or animal hides for those?

tem said...

"i dont watch that show

neither does tem"


that is correct.

tem said...

i had a dentist appt today. it would cost me 200$ to get pearly whites like deke's.

i'll have to get by without the pearly whites.

blue said...

deke can spare 200$..he builds hospitals in Africa

black man in a tux said...

i dont know how much longer i can stand to hear this guy here rant about how he "hates stupid people" (for various other subjects) while the next second asking if making/receiving/calling his voicemail counts against his monthly minutes.


and he tried to argue the "receiving calls" part.

tem said...

and why did that trade get vetoed?

wtf?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I always got ivory for my jaimers(teeth).

tem said...

my minutes this month are all out of whack. i'm gonna have to up my plan.

blue said...

don't do it tem...they'll try and give you a new phone

tem said...

then i ain't doing it.

of course i almost dropped my phone off of the top of the parking garage today, so i was about 3 inches from needing a new one.

i dropped it and it bounced to about 3 inches short of flying off the stairwell.

blue said...

your phone would have been fine...it's old, made of steel probably

blue said...

when i first meet people a lot of times they ask me "why did you choose accounting", which is a dumb question and I usually lamely answer "i like money and i'm good at math"

my new answer is going to be "I am a huge fan of the show Cheers, and Norm was always a hero of mine. Norm was an accountant, so I became an accountant"

ebntx said...

blue you should tell them its easier to steal money as an accountant.

El Padrino said...

say cuz you wanted tp be an accountant

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Blue, you should just tell them "Nobody chooses accounting"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Daron Sutton in the house.

ToddPacker said...

hung over

ToddPacker said...

i guess i'll try to catch up.... i might fall asleep though

black man in a tux said...

who asks that type of question? douches.

tell them you like potato chips, fireworks and a 3 ring circus.

when they ask what that has to do with accounting, just stare.

Beth said...

For you fans of The Office out there, this site of Creed's "blog" is really funny. Hell, even if you don't watch the show it's funny.

It's basically random thoughts such as "I’m thinking about buying a horse. Great for transportation and once you’re done with it, you’ve got about seven days worth of meals" and "Screw parasailing, man. Make the handicapped sail like the rest of us."

blue said...

creed is a very unappreciated office character

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Creed is comedic gold.

Beth said...

I agree Blue, he cracks me up (and creeps me out).

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I really hate old people.

blue said...

I was reading Pam's blog last summer and she commented that the computers on the show are actually hooked up to the web, and that if the characters are just in the background a lot of them work on their myspace pages and other things.

well, there was a scene recently where Jim walked up to the front to talk to Pam and sure enough at the edge of the screen you could see her computer monitor and she was on myspace.

Beth said...

TP, how was the concert?

black man in a tux said...

please advise re: "working" on a myspace page.

black man in a tux said...

WAS KANYE THURR?

black man in a tux said...

im takin off the glasses.. running my hand through my tight little fro..

black man in a tux said...

doin a little Cosby dance ..

black man in a tux said...

moonwalk on the madness

black man in a tux said...

seal the bitch-ass Z.

blue said...

"please advise re: "working" on a myspace page"

this involves, writing their blogs, posting pictures, changing backgrounds, answering fan mail...blah, blah, blah

black man in a tux said...

aint no stoppin, im still poppin, Dre got some bitches from the city of Compton ..

whocares said...

I am still missing the point of myspace...

whocares said...

*Not that there is an actual "point", but you get what I'm sayin.

black man in a tux said...

i should let the admins here know that if they stop blocking myspace, i can get a ton more work done.

i can type, upload and change color schemes like woah.

black man in a tux said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blue said...

the point is to check out all the hot chicks that beth knows

black man in a tux said...

i could even start a business that makes pages for others, thats how confident i am in my abilities.

iamaconsultingfirm.

JFreak said...

Mills...don't talk to me about original content.

And for the record, I didn't know SG had a new column up. But thanks, I'll go check it out now.

ToddPacker said...

i fell asleep reading the comments and had a dream about hats and cattle... strange

ToddPacker said...

"TP, how was the concert?"


it was really good... didn't see the opening act.... i think they played for over 2 hours... i got way too drunk...

Spaceman Spiff said...

the point is to look at the big boobed pictures of girls you knew of in high school and college

ToddPacker said...

it's lunch time but i can't eat.... all i can taste is beer and cigarettes

ToddPacker said...

i smoke sometimes when i drink.... i think a smoked a whole pack last night.... i really don't remember... i'm sweating a lot today

blue said...

tp is a stinky drunk

whocares said...

What was the drink of choice? Draft beer at the show?

whocares said...

And did Sting break out the Lyre or was it pure Old Skool Police type stuff?

blue said...

Dear Friend,
Let me start by introducing myself,i am Mr Patrick K .W Chan the
Executive Director and Chief Financial Officer of the Hang Seng
Bank,Hong Kong.I have a secured business proposal for you.
l will like to know if you are willing to assist me,lf interested
please contact me on my private email address
:(mr_pchan18@yahoo.com.hk) for more details.
Your earliest response to this mail will be highly appreciated.
My Esteemed Regards,
Mr Patrick K.W Chan.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm not so good with concerts. I usually have to poop at some point. and we all know that's not a good idea.

JFreak said...

I don't know that it's ever been cleared up where you get the strength for all the poops.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

don't do it blue

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"I don't know that it's ever been cleared up where you get the strength for all the poops."

It's efficiency. Food goes in, waste comes out.

I would like to get a colonic sometime, though.

blue said...

i think that thing was a scam

JFreak said...

but 8 poops?

do you eat 20 pounds of food each day?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No. Surprisingly, I don't eat much.

blue said...

a lady just walked by my office and it shook my computer screen

tem said...

send him an email claiming to own an NBA team and telling him that you are looking to unload a 5% share of the team and that if his proposal is good enough you might be willing to trade him 5% for whatever he is offering.

Mills said...

And did Sting break out the Lyre or was it pure Old Skool Police type stuff?
-----------
I think Fields of Gold on the Lyre is money

Mills said...

i thought it was labrynth or something though.

now i am confused.

tem said...

or send him an email telling him that he is all hat and no cattle.

blue said...

next thing you know, Sting will start using the Pan Flute

Mills said...

this one time, and band camps, i used my pan flute to....

blue said...

i met a chick who was in the band in college...she played the oboe..i asked her if she'd ever been to bandcamp with a wink...

she was not amused...but did explain that an oboe is much larger than a flute.

blue said...

sax a ma phone

black man in a tux said...

1999 called and wants its joke back.

Mills said...

Per Wiki:

As a part of the promotion of this album, he appeared on the fifth episode of Studio 60 during which he performed a segment of Dowland's "Come Again" as well as his own "Fields of Gold" in the arrangement for voice and two archlutes.

So its an archlute?

Mills said...

The main differences between the archlute and the "baroque" lute of northern Europe are that the baroque lute has 11 to 13 courses, while the archlute typically has 14

tem said...

that is a joke from American Pie.

American Pie is a good movie.

Mills said...

well then. that settles it.

blue said...

american pie was a good movie

blue said...

I have american pie on VHS..unfortunately I no longer own a VCR

black man in a tux said...

"It's efficiency. Food goes in, waste comes out.

Surprisingly, I don't eat much."


so we've officially solved it.

tem said...

some guy stopped me on the street today to axe for $$$. his pitch was to tell me all the mean things the guy he just got done talking to said to him.

i saw the conversation. it lasted about 14 seconds. but apparently the guy told him about 2 minutes worth of insults.

the insults were funny though, so i gave the guy a buck. i know the other guy never said those things to him, but they were still funny.

blue said...

i once had a guy sit down across from me at mcdonalds whilst I was eating lunch...he asked me for some fries

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm hungry. I want a brat and a burger. No. I want Arby's.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

You're kidding, blue.

tem said...

i would have asked for some of your shake.

El Padrino said...

curse me out for a dollar

is the best sign i saw on a bum

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

One of the many times we went to Madison, we ran into the greatest bum ever. Everything he said was gold. His name escapes me, but we wound up treating him to Burger King. We(like 8 of us) wound up getting him like 12$ worth of food.

blue said...

nope, and he was dead serious.

and when I told him no, he asked "why not"

i told him that if I gave him some fries then i'd be hungry and that wouldn't be fair to my stomach.

he was disappointed

blue said...

i bought a guy a cheesburger once, and he got pissed because he couldnt't drink it.

JFreak said...

No one outside Indy will care.

blue said...

The Rockies, according to a Harris Interactive poll, are the 27th most popular team among the 30 big-league clubs, ahead of the Royals (28), Nationals (29) and Blue Jays (30)

at least we're not last

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I saw that and thought, "Who gives a fuck?"

Corbin said...

Blue, on a local sports show there was a call in triva question asking the three lowest rated teams...

Many callers said the rockies...and i mean many

Corbin said...

Tub-a-ba-ba?

Spaceman Spiff said...

meiz get the pick 5, or pick 10

blue said...

since I know EP likes CoCo

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"meiz get the pick 5, or pick 10"

Huh?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

oh, Arby's.

Yeah, the closest arby's to here is 30 minutes away

blue said...

Prince Charles misses Diana's good bits

blue said...

lunch

Mills said...

Ben - Check this out. Ruined my day kind of... There goes the "Chipotle Diet"

black man in a tux said...

as freak's link was loading i saw the top bar page title and quickly closed that window.

tem said...

i get 115% of my vitamin A intake from chipolte. i need to go there more often.

A is the most important vitamin.

it has to be because it starts the alphabet. if another vitamin was more important they would have called it A instead.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Slow day.

I've got nothing to do at work and nothing to say here.

El Padrino said...

coco is awesome

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Goddam, look at that thing!

ToddPacker said...

tps has lots of power over a hungover tp

ToddPacker said...

"What was the drink of choice? Draft beer at the show?"


yes



"And did Sting break out the Lyre or was it pure Old Skool Police type stuff?"


straight police.... no sting songs at all

El Padrino said...

i'm just dog tired
no energy

black man in a tux said...

i have control of the radio today and now we have Pearl Jam.

clearly, i oversee this project better than anyone and should be given the full time task.

El Padrino said...

pearl jam aiight

ToddPacker said...

office radio is a strange concept to me... i just have my am/fm clock-radio (local sports and rome) and all of my mp3s loaded on my pc.... i wish i could get my sirius to work in here

ToddPacker said...

i've seen pearl jam in concert 11 times.... always a good show

ToddPacker said...

i think i can eat now.... 2:30 lunch sounds good to me

Beth said...

A 2:30 lunch is like the anti-tem.

tem said...

tem does not approve of 2:30 lunch. Unless you had one at 11:30 and the 2:30 one is second lunch.

tem said...

also Wendy's is my favorite thing to eat when I am hungover.

tem said...

pearl jam is all hat and no cattle.

tem said...

sad to say, but that saying has at least another day in it for me.

El Padrino said...

the plan is simple

bang out TPS by 3:30 and chill at LOV the remainder of the day

tem said...

simple plans are sometimes the best ones.

black man in a tux said...

tp, its just a regular desktop radio, but its on another dude's ish.. he is gone so i have pillaged.

its on the generic rock station now, but thats far better than hearing Celine, Xtina or anything resembling the Dreamgirls movie soundtrack.

black man in a tux said...

"no no no NOOOOOOO WAY!... i'm livin' wif'outchoo baby!! and YOU and YOU and YOU, yer gunna lub me!"

whocares said...

I would chew my own arm off if I waited til 2:30 to snag lunch.

whocares said...

I like your plan EP. I may adopt a similar one for the afternoon. Unless TPS has a flare-up.

blue said...

I had lunch with my wife and some of her co-workers today. She made some joke about how i always say i'm going to do something but I never do.

i answered with "that's because i'm all hat and no cattle"

she was stunned.

greatest comeback ever

El Padrino said...

and you
and you
and you


YOUR GONNA LOVEMMMMMEEEEEEE


back to tps

blue said...

"i've seen pearl jam in concert 11 times.... always a good show"

i've seen them 4, including once in Seattle to close the tour which was awesome, and the show in Denver where they put a replica of GW Bush's head on a stick and tons of people walked out.

They are a very good live show

blue said...

that chipotle link was awesome. I should have gone there today

tem said...

awesome. 10 helmet stickers for using all hat and no cattle in that setting.

tem said...

many lessons learned at LOV are applicable in real life.

many aren't.


the trick is figuring out which is which.

isiah thomas said...

takes handoff

isiah thomas said...

breaks through the line

isiah thomas said...

running

isiah thomas said...

jukes the safety...daylight

isiah thomas said...

what?

isiah thomas said...

could it be?

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino