Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Get to it

Well, I've been out of commission for a few days now and haven't even looked at the comments. I guess I'm that lazy. I'll do it later. On the flip side I got up early just so I could write this post. I have CPE today so I won't be in much, if at all. Tem's got to learn about Real Estate Loan Docs. Fun fun, it's about time I learnt about that.

Random Side Note: Gary Coleman loves Cash Call, because nobody else would lend him money. I just learned this from a commercial and now you know. If you all tell some friends then Cash Call's wildest dreams of success for that commercial would have been met.

Anyway, brief review of my trip: My flight took me to Texas first, Houston to be exact. That was my first time in Texas. It was nice. It looked like any other place though. At least from the airport. In New Orleans I was able to hit Bourbon street, get that hurricane at Patty O's and hit that Cafe Du Monde place. It was a successful little vacation. I'd talk about the game, but I am still pissed. I now know exactly what its like to be a Buffalo Bills fan. Go to the big game and watch your team not show up. Other highlights of the trip were some great food, lots of walking, the piano bar lady almost singing "Dick in a Box" and hot tub / pool on the roof of the hotel. Fmtem has the pics from the trip with her. I'll try to post some of them later.

Random Side Note: New Orleans people don't particularly understand how far things are away from each other. Apparently everything is 5 or 6 blocks away. That's the answer we got for everything when we asked "how far of a walk is that?" Someone needs to teach them about adding. 7 blocks west plus 2 blocks north does not equal 5 or 6 blocks. I guess they though that the 2 north got subtracted from the 7 west. I'm not sure, but just don't believe them. Shit is far apart.

Now sports news. Holy bajeeeesus was there a lot. Bill Walsh = dead. So that's two celebs (Skip Prosser) keep your eyes peeled for a third within 2 days. Again I'll send anyone who predicts correctly which celeb dies within the next 2 days (call it by end of day thursday) some Graeter's ice cream. Remember it is Oprah's favorite so you know its good. KG to Celtics? I am surprised the SG didn't die from over stimulation. Maybe he did and he was replaced by that "write like the SG" program that Zeke (I think) linked to awhile back. Vick's co-defendant pled guilty, umm that sucks for Mike. Texeria to Braves? Beth will be excited about that. Strahan retiring? I think he just wants his name in the news again. I'm also not sure why dude hasn't fixed his teeth. And Mrs. Quinn is holding out? What a dipshit.

Random Side Note: More thoughts from my trip: Why are Po Boys so expensive? It's too bad that nobody was showing boobs on Bourbon street, I think I needed to be there later. Cab drivers weren't very talkative down there. I hate it when planes just sit on the runway for 30 minutes, especially when I am in them. To the guy who was bitching because my food was done before his: eff you dumbass, I ordered on 8 oz steak and you ordered a 24 oz steak, of course yours took longer to cook.

OK no movie review today, not because I am lazy, but because this post is already long enough. Ah screw it, I'll review Snatch:

I went into this movie with too high of expectations. I thought the movie would be about Snatch. And not in the clinically gross way either, like in the porntastic way. Of course it wasn't. It was about something else. 0 helmet stickers out of 5.

Have at it bee snatches.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Friday, July 27, 2007

Congrats El-Pah'd!!

You have a beautiful life to look forward to! And what's a better way to start a life than on a fRiDaY11!!!!!!!!!!

That beautiful bouncing baby girl..

Daddy's little princess..

Exploring, searching, aka the creative years...

College years bring forth a new type of attention..

...and a new daddy...

Working in the "real world" is tougher than you think..

Don't mess with Meth, it will meth you up. (That's not a pun, after the 5th or 6th attack she can't pronounce words properly)

You can lead a zorse to water....

The ceremony was beautiful and fit for a princess. Too bad one wasn't there.

*Propers are delivered to the Tem in a maroon velvet box with gold tassles. Good suggestion.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Raindrops keep falling on my head.

Big big news that Rasmussen has been kicked out of the Tour de France. He didn't fail a drug test, and didn't seemingly break any other rules. But his team's sponser didn't like something that he said, so they fired him mid-race. Back in May and June, Rasmussen missed two drug tests and said the reason he missed them is because he was training in Mexico, and the Mexicans have a bad postal system. Turns out he was in Italy doing God knows what. What is most interesting about this is that before the Tour, Rasmussen was pulled from his National team for this very icident. But his Pro team waited until basically the end of the Tour to do something. Seems fishy.

This gives a huge break to the Discovery team (Lance's old team), who are now in place to have won 8 out of the last 9 tours. It should be an interesting last time trial, as the new leader (Alberto Contador) is not a noted time trialist and the second (Cadel Evans) and third (Levi Leiphiemer) placed riders are.

I know there are a lot of cycling haters out there, but I don't care. It's entertaining as hell, and the doping allegations take everything up to another notch.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Hi, Class.

Pictures actually taken by a friend. They were visiting someone they knew, and this was the beauty that they saw. They made sure to go back to their house to take these pictures and ridiculed them to their face.

Deservedly so.

Irish. Vegetables. Pander. Associate. Valentino. Period. Awestruck. Posh Spice. What a dumb bitch.

This one's for Ookie

Ookie (which I am not even sure is spelt right) is banned from training camp. Everyone should have seen this coming. In the end, it doesn't really matter twatever you think, it only matters what Goodell thinks. And right now he is coming off as a person who has been planning everything he would have done better than Tags for the last 10 years. Now is his chance and he is going for it. Farting on the subway gets you a 10 play suspension. Gun charges, half a season. Felony dog killing, just sit your ass down until Mr. Goodell tells you to get up. It might be awhile Ookie.

WWL leader is up to it again with their ridiculous headlines. No Selig, No HR for Bonds -- Ex-Mistress In Playboy. Now I know that shit means that Bonds' ex-mistress is in playboy, but I'll be damned if I didn't read it as if Selig's ex-mistress was in playboy. And that is something that I highly doubted I wanted to see.

Random Side Note: I have about 4 emails that I really want to read, but I am holding off on them so that I can get this thing posted in a timely manner. I hope you all are pleased.

Arena Bowl is this weekend. I am going to be there in New Orleans cheering on the Destroyers. I don't have much to say about it, but I needed to give it its due. You know, because its cool. Whether you believe it or not. And don't anyone tell me that's the same stance Mr. Stern takes with the WNBA. That's just crazy talk.

Random Side Note: I gots me some NCAA 2008 for the 360. I fired up the legend mode where the coach calls the play and you run them. I am sitting pretty as WVUs second string back when Slaton gets hurt, so I get the call. Richie Rod proceeds to call every running play into the sideline and never runs the read option. WVU runs the read option about every other play. What the fuck EA Sports??? I am genuinely pissed about this. Their offense in the game isn't even close to replicating their real life offense. Also I am still pissed that last year they had Pat White as a white right handed QB. Dude is a black lefthander.

Finally the movie review of a movie I have never seen. If you don't know what this is about go check out last week's post by me. I 'splained it there. Anyway this review is for Swingers:

Swingers is about some actor dudes who suck, but then become semi-popular. One of them thinks he is smarter than the others and always tells them funny stories or life lessons that everyone should know. Some people think these lessons are cool, others see the truth. After awhile one of them gets a girlfriend and starts to go to a swingers club (hence the movie name). Sadly there are no good scenes of the guy's girlfriend getting it on with another chick. In fact dude and his girl aren't very good swingers at all. This causes tension between him and his chick and he goes back to his actor friends. I think that part of the movie takes about 20 minutes. So basically the whole movie is just some dudes talking. I give it 2 helmet stickers out of 5.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Woodrow Wilson

Training Camps (boing):

Bills 7/26 --------Giants 7/27
Fins 7/22 ---------Eagles 7/27
Pats 7/23 ---------Skins 7/27
Jets 7/26 ---------Boys 7/25

Ravens 7/29 -------Bears 7/23
Bengals 7/26 ------Lions 7/25
Browns 7/23 -------Green Bay 7/27
Steelers 7/23 -----Vikes 7/26

Texans 7/22 -------Falcons 7/26
Colts 7/29 --------Panthers 7/27
Jax 7/27 ----------Saints 7/25
Titans 7/27 -------Bucs 7/26

Broncos 7/29 ------Cards 7/27
Chiefs 7/27 -------Rams 7/26
Raiders 7/27 ------49ERS 7/29
Chargers 7/24 -----Hawks 7/26

subplots :

is jarmarcus russell big enough to play QB? (s)
how many snaps will brady queen get?
who will sign culpepper, Tice in Jax or Lineham in St Loo?
will Kitna eat his words, again?
is there really a Mike Williams from USC?
can Tiki be replaced by a 275lb. back?
which holdout will give in, Samuel or Briggs?
is grossman Now?
will larry johnson die after getting 67 carries in a week 2 tilt?
how many more qb's will gruden sign?
brett farve : dead or alive?
vick : guilty or guilty?

it's never too early for NFL


83 year old steam pipe exploded in Midtwon yesterday, during rush hour. Fun.

This just in.....Vick is still screwed.

Some guy is walking around here with a earring in his ear. But this earring is the ball with the cross dangling from it. Shit. I better get home and get my Karl Kani jacket to make him feel more 80's. (P.S he should be executed)

"'Barack Obama supports teaching sex education to kindergarteners,'"

I love it, the more they stumble the better our chances are.....

I did Outback last night.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The sound of children's laughter makes me nauseous

This day in 1988, Bo Jackson made his professional debut with the Royals. He hit 2 home runs and drove in 4 that day. He went on to hit 41 homeruns and batted .340 for the year while being voted Rookie of the Year in a landslide vote. Then he blew out his body and never played again.

Neon Deion Sanders was the ish. Remember him?

I dont think theres much sports stuff happening. If there is, I havent been watching. I'm in preparation for MLB playoffs and college football. I can smell it. Literally. Stick your shnahz in the air and whiff. Past that musty "I shoulda cleaned yesterday" stench of your workplace, there are pennants and pigskins to be had. "Rejoice thine children in the day that is near, for ye shall be satisfied whence." (John 37:10). See, even GeeOhDee knows that our savior sports are on the horizon.

Brett Favre debuted on this day in 1987. He threw 8 passes in a mini-camp and was used sparingly. He was given minimal reps in practice for the first few sessions. Preseason came and their starting quarterback (Wayne Waterson) went down with a shredded leg. He was maimed by a shark while honeymooning in Beirut. Favre not only took the job over from there, but won MVP and Super Bowl titles. He is survived by his wife, Jennifer, and his children, Mickey, 8, and Dauntesha, 17.

Left handed people live shorter lives.

Vegitarians are god-haters.

Turn to your right and clear your throat.

If you have a sense of humor, watch "Wet Hot American Summer". You will laugh your ass off. Or should. From dudes that did MTV's The State and ..they just had a show on comedy central but the name escapes me and I'll leave it up to someone else to name that show.. Yup, I am THAT lazy. I aint lookin that shit up. But they were guys in suits. Couple of skinny dudes. They are funny, so watch.

Mambo #5 doesnt get the proper credit it is due as a dynamite, explosive pop song with tremendous hook and singability. Also, perfect for karoake and parties. What a brilliant song. I listen to this song every day of my life because it reminds me that life is full of choices. And Pepsi and Coke are just one. You should really have 2 go-to foods. You need a drink and a food. The Cowboys fucked the Steelers up in one of these old Super Bowls. Dallas was hot as hell back in the day. Everybody was on their nut. I bet EP rocked a Dallas hat that was aight. Like a black-on-black one, slightly pimped to the side. I could see Beth in her Dallas cheerleader uni cause her tool of a boyfriend was a big fan. I bet he had really bad grey suits that he wore to work. I know he had a Zack Morris phone and was more metro than Patrick Bateman. (This is, of course, because Beth is like 40.)


I could totally go for some Burger King. Maybe tomorrow, we'll see.

Wipe your nose with your left hand.

Boyfriend of TLC's "Left Eye" is getting married.

Get back to work.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

This is the title

Starting out with a random side note: There are these new commercials for some sort of acne wash. They say things like "our acne wash is better than a midget magician." Well first of all, I highly doubt that because midgets are awesome. And second, WGAF??? Shouldn't they be comparing themselves to some other acne thing? I hate advertising people.

Anyway, in the world of sports Sheets got put on the DL. Meiz will have the scoop so axe him about it. The White Sox almost blew a big lead but didn't. They are as bad as some girls I dated in high school. They almost blew it, but didn't. Fuckers.

In the world of soccer Beckham is hurt already and his debut is in doubt. I only bring this up because I thought his contract thing was signed like 5 months ago. WTF is taking so long for his debut?? I know we discussed his 100M$ deal a long time ago and he is just now making his debut? Soccer is dumb.

Random Side Note 2: I couldn't peep that Accepted flick. It wasn't an On Demand thing. That pisses me off.

AFL TIME: That's right all caps on that baby. The Destroyers made the AFL Championship game. They get to play for the Arena Cup now. Actually I doubt that is the name of the trophy, but nobody here knows any better, so I'll totally get away with it. Anyway, yours truly is going to New Orleans to check this out. I have never been to New Orleans so feel free to comment on some things that I need to do down there. Anything involving nekkid chicks, beer/liquor, and Cajun food will be high on my list. I'd say voodoo things would be high on the list, but with my luck I would say something dumb and get cursed. I don't need a voodoo curse. Also this will be the first time I get to see a championship game for any professional sport live. First Championship Game + First Time in New Orleans = Fun.

More MLB: The Cubs traded for Jason Kendall. Apparently they are dumb. Kendall isn't very good. He had a good season and looks like a blue collar guy, which is why Pittsburgh was all about him, but he isn't very good. The Cubs will realize this soon enough.

Finally as inspired by Shamoff himself and suggested by genius commenter Keith, the first "tem movie review of a movie tem hasn't seen". Beware, there may be SPOILERS, there will be things that are incorrect and there is a slight chance that something may be correct. Basically I just take things I have heard which may or may not be true and piece them together. Today's review is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, if you don't want anything spoiled then don't read this. Also if you are a fan of the books (which I haven't read) you might not want to read because I don't know what book things happen in, so I might spoil that too. Anyway, let's have at it:

Since I don't get Prince Chills I will have to give this movie 3 helmet stickers (out of 5). It was a solid flick, especially when you consider that it entertains movie goers of all ages. The movie starts out predictably slow, but really speeds up during the middle parts and the ending leaves you excited for the next installment. In this movie Harry is up against The Order of The Phoenix. This is some magician society that likes that bird Dumbledorf has. Speaking of Dumbledorf Richard Harris puts on another spectacular performance. This is by far his best work since the first movie. He really stepped it up for this flick. Anyway, his killer performance is the reason that this Potter had the saddest.movie.moment.ever. When Snape kills Dumbledorf I could hear every.single.kid.and.adult in the theatre crying.

But don't fret, the movie wasn't all gloom and doom. Harry gets to have his first kiss in this movie. He kisses an Asian chick, so you know he is on his game. He doesn't warm up with some English chick, he goes straight for the exotic chick. More love abounds in this movie as Ron and Hermoine finally hook up. For the theatrical release they cut the sex scene, but I am told that it is guaranteed to make it into the NR Director's cut. I might be skipping that though, because I think the actress who plays Hermoine is like 12. Anyway, so in the end Harry defeats The Order of The Phoenix, gets the girl, but loses Dumbledorf. It is victory, sex, and mourning all rolled into one. A combination that is far too rare.

OK have at it bee snatches.

Monday, July 16, 2007

2007 LOV Piss Ice Awards

Its that time again folks, the time to reflect back on the year in sports that was, its the First Annual LOV Piss Ice Awards!

Best Mail-In Performance :

With all due respect to Zeke and him mailing in the weekend recap post, the winner is.....Bill Simmons! SG's performance has been terrible. As our beloved Rev used to say, SG has lost his fastball, he's not even Jamie Moyer at this point.

Break Through Sports Analyst :

Hands down, the winner is.....Meshawn Johnson! From the sports coat/jeans/sneaks ensemble and the constant 3rd person references, no-one can beat Key.

Best Female Athlete:

The LOV Piss Ice-e goes to.....a tie between J.J. Redick and Mrs. Brady Quinn, MD! Do we need an explanation?

Best Crying Performance in a Sports Related Setting:

The fans have voted....and the Piss Ice-e goes to.......Billy Donovan! Billy originally committed to join us this evening but changed his mind a few days later.

That's all we have time for folks but feel free to nominate anyone else for other categories in the comments! Thanks for joining us!

Friday, July 13, 2007

in her bra where her titties at

Not much going on, I'll keep it brief like the Pelican.

Yanks break thier "tradition" by trying to negotiate with A-Rod in-season and the future HR king says talk to me after the season. The Bronx is burning. Then goes out and hits number 31. He's so making 30MM next year it's not even funny.

Cuban puts in to buy the Cubbies. We spoke about this (well, the prospect of it) but it's official now. He wants in.

Retro NFL game, 2K8, trying to cut into the cash machine that is madden?

I was watching Summer League basketball last night and I think there is a guy on the Kings names Pooh Jeter. Unrelated Clyde Frazier is still my vision of a Ladies man.

Speaking of the Ladies man, Scott Baio is 45 and single.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Hold It Up

So, you're telling me I get to write after a day in which zero of the American professional sports leagues have any games?

Well, hot damn, aren't I lucky?

US under 20 team is looking pretty sweet. It was awesome, on the winning goal (in the 2nd half of OT, no less) one of the opposing defenders was trying to call a foul instead of marking his man. His man gets the ball off a deflection, passes it, easy shot from 3 yards out, game over, 2-1 USA.

The Tour's in full swing. The Americans have a slim chance at GC, but after only a few flat stages, none have done anything of note. A few wicked crashes have happened, one that involved nearly 25 riders and completely blocked the road for 125 riders behind them. The coolest part (beside the mangled metal and all) was, because of a rule that allows you to not lose time if you crash within the last 3 kilometers, all the stopped riders turned and watched the finish on a big screen.

Oh, and the ESPYs were taped last night. Why, do you ask, weren't they live? It only would have made sense because of the previous mentioned inactivity of EVERYTHING IN SPORTS. But no, ESPN is gonna wait until this weekend, just to see how many things they can conflict with. Smart thinking.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

nah'ht eye'm sayin, kna'mean?

i went fishing.

sup nickles. happy morning to ya!! it's hump day. and the only thing i have to wait for today is to hear the retarded garbage guy tell me so!

actually, he's been gone this week. i almost wonder where he is. but i dont. the other guy that makes you feel like he's trying to scam you every time you talk to him is filling in. he mentioned a quick comment about "you guys make a good salary" yesterday. this might get ugly.

i gotta watch this guy.

this could escalate. keep my wing tips close by. make sure them silver caps on my gators are shined and ready to pierce human flesh. this is a dangerous corner he's trying to turn. are we cool enough for me to talk to you about my salary, even in a joking manner? lets peep something real quick. a little checklist, if you may (and we may). are we dapping fists in the morning? am i like FIST ELBOW HUG with you when we meet each day? nigga pleeze. you aint know me like that. you dont know Keisha who does my braids. you aint faaaaaaaaaam-lee. dont THINK youre making a move up in here buddy. i see where this is headed. you attempt to subtly mention how much better off than you we are, we kind of ignore that sentiment because it makes us feel uncomfortable for you to know it (as we've realized long ago, but only privately admitted.. until now) so we befriend you .. THEN you start swinging by the desks to see if we have any leftover treats during the work day. then it's like "hey i'm in a bind, can i rock 20 bones from you? i can pay you next week..". then you chill by someone's car seeing if they can drop you at the bus stop ("it's just up the road"). then you meet the family and come to picnic dinners ("you have a lovely family. is this your daughter?...") then you babysit the kids.

then you kill them.

then you kill us.

so how about you just pickup my shit and move along. less talky talky, more worky worky. dont attempt The Pry. we aint cool like that and my feet have more real teeth in em than your mouth does. yeah i said my feet. (please make the connection?.. that there is no connection. the punchline is that he has no teefies.)

sorry, i feel i have to question your funny detectors lately. too much douchebaggery has been weighing down the ElOhVee, so i felt the need to explain my intentionally awful joke there. i have been severly doubting the level of funny around here recently. i think niggaz be gettin too stuffy. we all realize we've been jawing back and forth with (some of) the same douchelickers every day for almost a year now. so it's like we've been in one long season, had our ups and downs, and now we're hitting the stretch run and we need our homies in the trenches. come on you guys, let's remember what we're all here for. to uplift each other and to make each other stronger and make each other laugh each and every day. this is a place 4 frienship!1! we need more teamwork, unity and support! lets show our motivation techniques in the COMMANT SEKSHUN! tell your fellow man or wo/man poster how much you care for them. "Would that be something you'd be into?"

i hope you read that and immediately realize that i've just wasted a part of your life. i dont care if it's insignificant amount of time (which because youre you, it is).. but just know that i've stole it. sniggity snap, can't take it back. it's my personal burn mark on your space time continuum.

i want some Ritz crackers.


(This post is brought to you be Everything But Sports.)

ps.. i didnt go fishing.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

This one's for Rev.....

Well for whatever reason blogger isn't letting me put a title on this bitch. I'd take some helmet stickers away from blogger, but it already lost all of its stickers from the "remember me" incident. FU blogger.

Anyway, I can't even put into words how excited I am to see Dan Patrick leave ESPN. If I was capable of Prince Chills then this news would give me 5 out of 5 Prince Chills. I'll keep it short and just say that DP can lick my ballz.

Random Side Note 1: Does anyone else ever think that it is odd that it is so easy to take a movie name and turn it into a porn name? Like Fantastic Four = Fantastic Foursome, Forrest Gump = Forrest Hump, Harry Potter = Hairy Twatter, Knocked Up = Knocked Up. I mean this shit is too easy. Why is that?

Volleyball playoffs were last night so I missed the HR Derby, but I heard Vlad won. Let me be the 1,000,000th person to say "did they pitch 'em down the middle or at his shoestrings?" hahaahahhaha. But seriously folks, volleyball playoff were a blast. My team lost in the championships, but really its not about winning or losing, its about how many hot chicks you see, or about how much you can drink. When I first walked into the place there was a chick in a bikini playing. So that was nice. It was really hot and humid out so most chicks were playing in their sports bras. That too was nice. The bad part was that the playoffs lasted until 1am. Now I am tired. I dislike the tired feeling.

Random Side Note 2: Has anyone ever tried going to a bar and pretending to be either mute or a musician who has to rest his vocal cords? Assuming you have at least adequate penmanship I think the musician resting his vocal cords is a slam dunk to get chicks. You won't have to talk and chicks dig musicians. I mean, all you gotta write is that your doctor says you can't talk for a month before you go on tour and that the label is really excited about this tour and you are golden. Make up a band name and a genre and just hope that the chick isn't a big fan of that genre. Anyway, chicks dig musicians, so I think this will work. I'm going to figure that chicks dig mutes too, so I don't think you can go wrong either way.

Antoine Walker got robbed at gunpoint in his own home. If I were Antoine I wouldn't have let the guy with a gun in. I kid, I kid, violence isn't funny.

I just looked at the final score for the derby. Vlad 3, Rios 2. I am going to go out on a limb and say that the finals for the derby sucked. Baseball can't get anything right. They need juiced balls and aluminum bats.

The WSOP is going on right now. I haven't really been keeping up, but I can say that I am fairly sure that the SG will not win. Also I don't understand in the least why Jennifer Tilly doesn't just play topless. On big hands she could distract pretty much everyone with those puppies. I guess there is a rule about playing nekkid. That's a stupid rule.

Damn, apparently people at this office expect me to work so I am going to have to wrap this up. I had another good random side note and some more AFL reporting to do, but you all lucked out.

Have at it bee snatches.

Monday, July 09, 2007


Goooooooood Morning Viiiiiiietnam!

Quick Hitters:

1) The number of ath-a-leets that have sold out and done Subway commericials is sickening.

2) The NFL Network has been showing some good replay of games recently - check them out.

3) NBA Summerleague debuts are overrated.

4) This is the KO of the year.

5) Weasels are awful.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Romy and her big fat sister Naomi

Temrant- J.Crew is funny. They think cuz I bought something online once that I'll do it again.
The free shipping emails are a waste Mr. Crew. I won't be spending 150$ to qualify so blow me.
And while I do like your tshirts, I dont like anything else. That includes those nut-huggers you call jeans. So please stop emailing me (unless you email me pics of the girl catalog models).

I'm not one to complain bout the allstar selection thing cuz it's mostly bullshit but damn John Maine should be there. Espeacially over Oswalt.

I really can't stand this NOW shit WWL is pushing. It's a joke and it's ruining sportscenter. I'd rather watch Mike Massaro tell me how Jimmy Johnson will take an angle and win next week at (insert racing town here). I D G A F. Who votes for this shit? Weazy? You vote for shit like this? Isn't this the reason Shanoff got canned. For gay polls and contests like this. For fuck's sake who's at the wheel these days over there. When's football season......I need me some TJ in my life.

Memo to Wimbeldon. Build a roof.

Now Bryant apologizes to Lakers GM, says he was venting. I swear this is a direct plot to have SAS dead. I mean his head will surely blow up any day now. I hope I'm watching when it does.

Woods struggling. Must be that smell of baby shit and vomit that's permantely attached to the inside of his nose. Can't wait.

Guess what? IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

What is a moon flower?

Well I can't say that I have been able to keep up with the world of sports lately. Real life has gotten in the way. That's the way the ball bounces. So I won't be talking about All-Star snubs, if you think someone got snubbed, then hey, I believe you.

Also I won't be talking about Rashard Lewis going to the Orlando Magic. I won't be talking about The Rocket hitting 350 (wins not pounds) or a drunk Tank Johnson. I won't be talking about the Iphone or Oden signing already. I won't be talking about Wimbledon or anything involving tennis or golf for that matter. I won't be talking about the NASCAR win for Denny Hamlin last Sunday (in another lap or two J. Gordon would have passed him.) I won't be talking about how the Royals seem to be able to win games against good teams, but still suck anyway. And I won't be talking about anything from the comments section yesterday because I haven't read them yet.

Furthermore, I won't be talking about how I don't even understand how D. Fisher leaving the Jazz in the off season to be with his daughter is even news. I won't be talking about how the Bucks drafted a guy they knew wouldn't play for them. I won't be talking about how I think the Bucks should sign Jet Li. That might get this other dude to sign. Jet Li would be good for 6 wicked fouls a game. I also won't be talking about any baseball scores and anyone who may have gotten 7 RBIs. I won't be talking about how ARod got hurt and I won't be talking about John Denver's Rocky Mountain High.

I will talk about Arena Football. I know I've pitched this before, but I'm gonna pitch it again. Playoffs have started and the Wild Card round was pretty entertaining. I especially recommend catching the last few minutes of play. The good old Columbus Destroyers won their first playoff game at Tampa Bay. Tampa took the lead with 40 seconds left, but missed the extra point. Then Columbus scored with 6 seconds left and hit the extra point. Tampa got to try a 55 yard field goal, which looked good the whole way, until about the last 4 yards. Then it went wide left. I think the kicker cried.....and perhaps was later murdered. I can't confirm the murder part, but it seems reasonable.

OK that is all for now, it is closing in on 9am. Let the quest for many comments begin....have at it Bee Snatches.

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"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino