Friday, May 11, 2007

Orgasms are funny

Dirk = MVP = wow

I mean it's not that much of a shock but damn.....I guess he can hang his head on the fact that he had a great regular season. He didn't average a double double but whatever. My vote would have went to Nash again.

Da Bulls! Scott Skiles just looked so dejected at the press conference. I'd be shocked if Pistons lose game 4, they want it and they know the Nets will not make it easy on the Cavs. Detroit is in the Finals as far as I'm concerned and no matter what team on the West makes it, they have a serious chance of beating them.

Easy Roy Sabbatini, easy.

Tonight we get the joy of a Warriors home game. If any of you have any net worth I want you to do three things. Withdraw it, put it on the Warriors tonight, take a bath full of 50 dollar bills.
You can thank me later.

This DEI thing is huge news, stealing all the pub. That's all I have to say about that.

Banning beer in the clubhouses is gay. If a man can't swill a pint after a well played match then what does he have left in life.

Del Rio wanted Quinn, whatever you do stay away from Leftwhich come fantasy football time, not like he was a high pick before but it's obvious Del Rio despises him.
Vick could be suspended according to my league sources.......woof, woof.

Late night LOV spurred a "must be stoned to death list" which I'm pretty sure we have talked about this but aside from the usual suspects, Jim Gray, Carrottop, Bruce Bowen etc. let's not forget that Roger Clemens belongs at the top.

Carry on.

Oh and if one more person says "Happy Friday" or "I'm so glad it's Friday" or even if they start a sentence with "Fr" I will bludgeon them to death with my Swingline stapler.

Hades.

368 comments:

1 – 200 of 368   Newer›   Newest»
tem said...

Statue of Liberty

El Padrino said...

a urine soaked sock

tem said...

who's urine?

tem said...

and what kind of sock?

El Padrino said...

allstate is not insuring any calif. homes anymore

hahahahahahahahhahaha

they lost thier ass three years in a row cuz of all those fires and mudslides

El Padrino said...

tem i'll send you a slice of pizza
from here :
L&B, best sicilian slice on the planet, no lie

El Padrino said...

tps is making me laugh

atemmpting to driown me out on a friday


silly rabbit

tem said...

one of the big companies stopped insuring things in FL too b/c of hurricanes.

ToddPacker said...

standing effin o for the LoVad last night

tem said...

pizza is good.

pizza

this is my favorite, but only out of the Elm Grove store.

I have tried almost all the others and none compare to the Elm Grove store.

Has something to do with that one being run by the brother of the main dude and the brother won't tell the main dude his secret recipe.

I have not tried one of the stores in Columbus. I will be trying this weekend.

ToddPacker said...

allstate sucks ass... they dropped me last year... crooks... it's ok to take money for years and then bail after a few hurricanes... you suck allstate

tem said...

bah, bad link

ToddPacker said...

"ok rev, check in again soon

rev = christopher moltisanti"


this made me laugh

tem said...

OK, I'm out for a while.

ToddPacker said...

"to bring us full circle, HDNet was playing The Substitute earlier.

Boiler Room now"


i saw that too, iam... very funny

Hi HDNet

ToddPacker said...

re: drinking before the wedding


i got to agree with the rev.... i was pretty lit up when i was on the altar.... marriage = nervousness

Josh Hancocks Seatbelt said...

Good work ELP...basically from my deal you replaced Sizemore with a more potent Soriano and you were able to keep Chavez and Wheeler...

Mills, I bet ELP would like to thank you for overpaying for Man-Ram

El Padrino said...

yeah, we worked on it all nite
that's how i see it

Mills said...

nice work on the trade last night fellas. good to see LOF getting some good run.

Mills said...

i didn't overpay for ManRam.

It was the ultimate Sell High/Buy Low

Peavy will regress a bit (how can he not?) and Manny is starting to hit too.

Duncan for Cano. Eh, that could go either way.

Mills said...

State Farm pulled out of Mississipi as well because of the Hurricane.

Techincally, there is no coverage for Hurricanes as their is no flood coverage (generally), however....attorneys were getting creative saying the damage was due to wind, and the govenor of Miss. threw down a decree that said all insurers must cover. so state farm bailed after that.

Mills said...

allstate is the WORST for getting to pay out though. i don't know how they are when you are their insured, but if you are hit by one of their people, you are screwed.

Mills said...

hurricane insurance z?

Mills said...

count it!

THE CHAMP. said...

this day is going to suck.

Mills said...

Top 15 most intimidating pitchers ever by JoPo. What do you think? Do you agree? and WHY?

Beth said...

OK, I don't want to jinx anything but if all goes well at my interview later today LOV will have to retire the "tables" nickname. God help me, I'm actually going for an office job.

thejaywhite said...

I would give peavy any day for manny

Mills said...

I remember a former teammate of McDowell's telling me that Sam was the absolutely meanest son of a gun he ever played with, bar none. He said: "When he drank, which was all the time, he was a ruthless SOB. But you know, he wasn't all that nice when he didn't drink." These days, McDowell is a drug and alcohol counselor.

That's funny.

Mills said...

administrative assistant?

Mills said...

tjw -

i gave up peavy and duncan for manny and cano.

did i overpay? i think not.

Beth said...

From what I understand, it's like a combo job - receptionist, secretary, filing, etc. And this will shock everyone here I know but it'd be with a law firm. :-)

jugdish said...

Good post...

"Banning beer in the clubhouses is gay. If a man can't swill a pint after a well played match then what does he have left in life."

Amen!

Good luck Beth!

I think I'm still a little drunk.

Mills said...

sorry. legal secretary? helps to ease the transition from the sports bar to have some familiarity...

Mills said...

i swear i didn't read your post before mine. that is awesome!!!

Mills said...

it certainly won't cut into your LOV time.

Mills said...

may even increase it.

Mills said...

6. Bob Feller
IQ: 123
Feller is on the list even though he hardly hit anybody in his career. Among the players on the list, only J.R. Richard hit fewer batters per nine innings ... I'm both fascinated and appalled by Feller. I remember once I was interviewing him and I would say that, no joke, he told me 20 times that the Bob Feller Museum was in Van Meter "just 17 miles from Des Moines." Twenty times, minimum. In the next day's column I mentioned that the Bob Feller Museum was 17 miles from Des Moines several times (not 20), which led Feller to rip me, which was fine. He also said: "Hey, if you don't promote yourself, who will?" And I really like that. ... Another time I was talking to him on the phone -- this was probably about 15 years ago -- and after a perfectly pleasant 20 minutes he snapped: "What time are you going to pick me up from the airport?" I said, "Um, do you need me to pick you up from the airport?" And he said, "Never mind. You're useless."

--------------

This is so Bob Feller for real. Notorious in Iowa for being like this.

Beth said...

I don't know, not sure I'd even have internet access. They're supposed to be a real laid back firm so hopefully.

thejaywhite said...

so its like a paralegal beth?

and no thats a good trade..Manny is a top 20 pick in all fantasy drafts...peavy is around 10th best pitcher

thejaywhite said...

Dave Stewart missing from intimidation?

Mills said...

It's fun to play the make believe sports game -- like how good would Jim Brown be if you could pluck him right out of 1964 (no weight training, no nothing) and put him in a starting NFL lineup? Would he still run over people? Or would he get killed because now linebackers weigh 275 pounds and run faster than he did? ... How would Tiger Woods do if he played against Harry Vardon in 1907 -- but he had to use the wooden shafts, and hit that crappy ball they hit, and he had to putt on greens that are rougher than Warrensville Road in my old Cleveland hometown?

Beth said...

Not a paralegal, you actually need legal training for that and I don't think dating lawyers qualifies. Mills has it closest I'd guess - like a legal secretary but also as a gal friday kinda thing. I just want to get my foot in the door to dazzle them with my mad skillz. :-)

Mills said...

beth -- you will be on the computer all day. and of course they have the internet. they need access to westlaw and such. you will plenty of time to check the LoV

Mills said...

dave stewert would be a good addition to the list.

El Padrino said...

beth try not to sleep with the office the first week

control yourslef :-)

Mills said...

I would have had RJ at no. 1. kruk in the all-star game sums it up.

Mills said...

what kind of law do they practice beth?

El Padrino said...

and weazy relax
what did you mix claritan with coffee like your boy greenie?

Beth said...

ElP, I was actually proud of myself for setting a "1 attorney per week" limit. It's a small office though and I'll be done with that in a few weeks, depending on if I include the female attorney. :-)

jugdish said...

A buddy of mine is running in this race in July.

Don't read the whole thing, but under the "Other Info" section they say that there are grizzly bears in the area, so they recommend using bear spray. Bear spray?? WTF?

Beth said...

They represent hospitals, I don't have many details (yet) after that.

thejaywhite said...

Mannys starting to turn it on again now..I have him in my league.....

oh and just went up for breakfast for 5mins..what happens..dad turns off the tv and stereo and closes the entertainment thingy again..(armoire?)

Beth said...

Ultramarathoners are sick people in general jug. I mean who does a marathon and thinks "Well that was fun but it just wasn't quite long enough..."

Mills said...

elp --

can't help it. its FRIDAY, don't you know?

thejaywhite said...

ya they use bear spray in canada....thats funny i havent heard of it in a long time..

and i know a girl who works in an office as a paralegal..but doenst get paid as a paralegal til she finishes the course shes taking right now

Mills said...

i agree with beth. however, there are crazy people that do like 100 milers. absolutely nuts.

your body is not built for that.

ToddPacker said...

good luck beth, you can use you 'tables' skillz to serve coffee

jugdish said...

This guy has and endless supply of energy. This weekend he is going to run the Rice Stadium bleachers for a couple of hours, then along some bayou for a couple of hours, then go run in a 14 story parking garage for a couple of hours. I'm tired just typing that.

El Padrino said...

way to pace yourself beth

seems like the job is "office bitch" but that's just my opinion

:-)

go mets!

ToddPacker said...

"This guy has and endless supply of energy. This weekend he is going to run the Rice Stadium bleachers for a couple of hours, then along some bayou for a couple of hours, then go run in a 14 story parking garage for a couple of hours. I'm tired just typing that"


that guy sounds a lot like rev

(extra s)

ToddPacker said...

mets ready to beat down the brew-crew tonight

El Padrino said...

what about the assholes that swim across channels and rivers

or the hoopels that ride thier bikes across the country

fools

El Padrino said...

i bet the tjw could swim across the pacific ocean

ToddPacker said...

"hoopels"... nice

jugdish said...

You know they had Indian food at the reception...do you think the new Mrs. Rev got a vicious dutch oven that night?

ToddPacker said...

"do you think the new Mrs. Rev got a vicious dutch oven that night?"


wow... i just threw up

thejaywhite said...

TJW dont like swimming...muscles are like rocks in the water

jugdish said...

I can picture him like fat bastard...in bed with a bucket of chicken.

"Do you fancy another go??"

Beth said...

Who says I'd have a problem with "office bitch"? :-)

El Padrino said...

ah beth, nowadays who knows

remember nappy headed ho's

ToddPacker said...

anyone watch the office last night, seeing dwight and andy fight in the sumo suits was funny as hell

thejaywhite said...

I lvoe the office..i liked andy going floating away...

Beth said...

Last night was another good episode, they've set up quite a bit of stuff for future episodes with everyone interviewing for the corp job.

ToddPacker said...

andy bernard is great

ToddPacker said...

the meredith flashing scene was unnecessary

ToddPacker said...

i'm surprised there is no ep/meiz bet on the mets-brewers series this weekend.... meiz probably knows better

Beth said...

TP, have you ever heard who the parents are of the actress who plays Karen? It's pretty interesting - Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton.

El Padrino said...

what? brats for bagels?

ToddPacker said...

i knew that beth... i was suprised when i heard that, too

jugdish said...

I am so worthless at work today...in my mind, I'm already at happy hour.

Teachers get free appetizers at happy hours, and since my wife is a teacher, jugdish gets free appetizers!

El Padrino said...

champ

warriors tonight

lockitup!

El Padrino said...

mozzerela stix

jugdish said...

Nachos!

Josh Hancocks Seatbelt said...

COMING UP FOR LEAGUE REINSTATEMENT? LETS BLAZE TO CELEBRATE...BRILLIANT

ESPN.com reports that Ricky Williams tested positive for marijuana in April and will not be allowed to apply for reinstatement to the NFL until September.

This report is quite different from last season, when Williams reportedly was suspended for missing a test. We already suspected that Williams' Dolphins career is over. This will make it that much harder for him to play in 2007 for any team. Even if he's reinstated, which is shaky at best, missing camp will be a problem.

thejaywhite said...

jugdish do you ever mention this teacher TJW that you know to your wife

jugdish said...

I would do that if she had multiple personalities.

Spaceman Spiff said...

ricky williams is an idiot, fails drug test again

Mills said...

http://deuceofdavenport.blogspot.com/2007/05/national-xtreme-baseballye-gods.html

X-Treme Baseball. This is a league. WTF?

PS -Sorry bout the link. Short on time.

Mills said...

elp -

i have soriano, who is closing for the braves at present.

i could give him up for another Holds guy and a slight upgrade somewhere else.

El Padrino said...

lof

El Padrino said...

dam
mothers day

fuck

jugdish said...

www.1800flowers.com

isiah thomas said...

woo woo

THIS IS NOT A GAME PEOPLE.

isiah thomas said...

agreed TP, LOVad was like olden times, it was like LOV BW

isiah thomas said...

Rory Sabatini = moron

you don't tug on Tiger's Nike golf bag dickwad.

El Padrino said...

yeah that was fun last night

hallmark will be crowded around lunchtime but all the horny hallmark girls will be giggling

plus!

isiah thomas said...

and a high of 1-0-4 today. feel the burn.

El Padrino said...

ima shake my crotch while i'm standing on line

maybe i'll get a box of russell stover for free

isiah thomas said...

I bought my moms a card at the grocery store earlier this week and the retard (literally) bagger forgot to put the fucking thing in a bag.

isiah thomas said...

*phone ringing

"hello thank you for calling the law offices of Shits and Giggles, this is Tables how may I help you.

El Padrino said...

uh that sucks

one year i waited so long i had to buy my aunt (mom lives miles away and is a drunk) a card in spanish

hahahaha

it was the thought that counted

isiah thomas said...

beth what prompted the career change, did Pedro get the deep fryer position you were after?

alright.....I'll stop.(maybe)

El Padrino said...

my opionons on the card business is it blows

i hate cards and if women werent so goddam irrational and emotionally unstable then i would never buy them

isiah thomas said...

I hear ya EP, some fruity card with sentimental shit from someone else is supposed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

I'd appreciate a "50$ handshake" more than some dumbass card.

isiah thomas said...

Lindsay Lohan's bazongas are back

sfw

El Padrino said...

i tell my fam to not even bother with cards

if you want stuff a envelope or give me shoebox with some twenties in it

fuck you hallmark
(i need a temrant on this)

isiah thomas said...

and the apocalypse has started in Cali

Beth said...

ElP, I'm with you on the cards (one of the few women who would agree with you btw). My bf's family sends cards for such minor holidays as St. Patrick's Day and Halloween. I still don't get that.

El Padrino said...

well good beth, that's why i would consider you in the running to be my 8th wife when i become king

uunderstanding is key

Beth said...

8th??? I'm insulted.

ebntx said...

elp if you were king why would you need to marry?

El Padrino said...

eb i'd have 30 wives
i dunno, it just sounds like royalty

beth 8 out of 30, not bad

ebntx said...

but will she get naked?

Beth said...

Ok, if it's out of 30 that's better. Plus, I'm sure I'd have been higher if I wasn't a Braves fan. :-)

jugdish said...

He would eliminate the Braves franchise if he was king...that wouldn't be an issue.

Beth said...

Eliminating the Braves could lead to a Lorena Bobbitt moment...

El Padrino said...

you better come with a chainsaw for that, a scalpel wont cut it

jugdish said...

Ouch!

I guess I'd have to send him a get well card then.

jugdish said...

*get well soon

thejaywhite said...

what do u guys think of the lohan coke pictures

El Padrino said...

doesnt surprise me tjw

thejaywhite said...

well obviosuly no shock..but do you think its that bad?.

El Padrino said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El Padrino said...

oh it's bad, she's on the britney express at an earlier age than britney herself

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

Good luck on the interview Beth.

isiah thomas said...

I could go for an 8 ball myself.

thejaywhite said...

noway..shes much more stable than brit...lohans only 20...brits a complete train wreck at what 26?..

lohan will grow up and she atleast came from a family that although had problems with the dad, was somewhat 'well off financially'

brit came from the park

thejaywhite said...

i think its not that bad..and is socially acceptable for young adults..kinda like weed was before....

El Padrino said...

coke and weed

totally different

Mills said...

freak. come over to LOF re: trades

El Padrino said...

fucking coke is serious business

thejaywhite said...

youre old EL P..just like I said

thejaywhite said...

SG lied..said noone eastern..article could be up

Mills said...

not even remotely similar tjw. coke = way worse than weed. people don't die from smoking dope (i don't think)

El Padrino said...

i'm old?

i'm youngest guy in here cept for freak well and you considering your 12

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Fine, ElP, Bet?

El Padrino said...

last i checked dope is not weed

El Padrino said...

as long as it's not beer mezi i'll bet with you

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"last i checked dope is not weed"

Yes it is.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

ElP, I'm younger than you. I think.

El Padrino said...

dope in nyc is heroine

El Padrino said...

you may be deke

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

As in Wonder Woman?

jugdish said...

There's no hope...with dope!

thejaywhite said...

dope is weed

Mills said...

you are younger than 26?

Mills said...

dope is weed.

Mills said...

3 to 1. anyone else want to way in. i have never even smoked it and i know it.

El Padrino said...

not in ny it is, or at elast from my experience

and i smoked the shit out if it

thejaywhite said...

seems we are both correct

People who do not do drugs call Marajuanna Dope.
People who do Marajuanna call Heroin Dope.
Word has also been used to describe how good somthing is.

Don't you be somkin' dope! ( AKA Marajuanna )

OMG, I smoke the green but I don't do dope ( AKA Heroin )

Man that car is dope!

thejaywhite said...

says drug users see heroin as the lowest form of addiction..so they call it dope

El Padrino said...

wiki agrees with me
says it's said for both weed and heroine

El Padrino said...

oh tjw nice job

isiah thomas said...

didn't BBD teach us anything?

"man that girl is.....DOPE!"

El Padrino said...

pizza, lunch = happiness

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

I should do that food thing.

thejaywhite said...

I used
urban dictionary

El Padrino said...

i love the tpc @ sawgrass

Spaceman Spiff said...

why is SG yesterday's column front page today?

isiah thomas said...

tpc is always quality.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

You don't know about Sawgrass. C'mon.

isiah thomas said...

I think SG is pulling a shammy and just reading a few game recaps and giving analysis.

his suns/spurs comment was retarded.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

ElP, ever had Secret Stadium Sauce?

isiah thomas said...

sawgrass was always my favorite course to play on PGA Golf for SEGA

Spaceman Spiff said...

seriously, pops says to himself, "we are going to lose no matter what, just go with it"?

isiah thomas said...

if Tiger misses the cut there is a 100% chance that I won't watch any golf this weekend.

isiah thomas said...

dat's my point spiff, SG is an idiot.

El Padrino said...

"ElP, ever had Secret Stadium Sauce? "

negative

please advise

isiah thomas said...

SG's big counter move doesn't make sense for the Spurs.


if they start Ginobli they'll have ZERO production coming off the bench.

and yeah Amare on a wing player while the Suns D is good for the Spurs, but Amare will abuse that same person when the Suns have ball.

wake up SG, put the dick down.

Spaceman Spiff said...

pistons are getting/gonna get so much rest compared to the west team

thejaywhite said...

I think his counter makes complete sense

isiah thomas said...

plus if the Spurs go smaller then it plays into the Suns getting their tempo.

Bill - what the fuck man, watch some games before you make stupid suggestions.

FUCK YOU BILL.

isiah thomas said...

I think his counter makes complete sense


quiet TJW, we're talking hoops not dog sledding.

isiah thomas said...

although the irony that the Suns best player is canadian is not lost on me.

isiah thomas said...

if the Spurs put TD on Amare when they play d thats alright, but then they'll put a small on Kurt Thomas. thomas isn't good but he would abuse a 3 on the block - at the very least drawing some fouls which would lead to the Spurs putting Oberto or Elson back in which gets the spurs back to where they were at the start of game 2 only this time with one of their smalls in foul trouble.

great move otherwise though.

isiah thomas said...

I just want a game 7, and a Suns dancer to sit on my face.

isiah thomas said...

I'm adhering to the LOV friday work policy to a fucking t today.

thejaywhite said...

sg mail bag

El Padrino said...

simmons thinks he's god's gift to basketball, like he would be the most awesome coach/gm

Spaceman Spiff said...

SG misread teh tip question

Josh Hancocks Seatbelt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
thejaywhite said...

Is JAck =kobe?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

ElP, That's what I'll send you when the Metropolitans take 2 of 3 from the Crew.

Assuming you eat hot dogs & brats. It's the best condiment ever.

1 bottle of stadium sauce.

tem said...

mmmm, some chipolte for lunch today.

but damn mexican put about 10 oz of that hot sauce in the burrito.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

or 2 if you're greedy.

isiah thomas said...

corby you sir, are pathetic.

all of that (in all caps) to stop me from getting him?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

THE CHAMP. said...

ok let me get caught up....

thanks EP, I'll get IAM to lay my hundy at the mirage on the warriors.

RE: bear spray
they can smell the menstration.

tem said...

who is NICK MARKAKIS ?

this is probably why my team is no good.

tem said...

i am going above and beyond the LOV rules regarding friday and working.

i'm pretty much setting a new standard.

Spaceman Spiff said...

TJW,

jack=nicholson

ToddPacker said...

"corby you sir, are pathetic"


that was funny

Josh Hancocks Seatbelt said...

Come on...it's not you...i've got waiver priority 3...

Markakis is the young OFer for the Orioles...good splits post allstar break this year, Funston has a mancrush on him and expects big things from him

Josh Hancocks Seatbelt said...

I'm just saying...a little competetive balance in this league wouldn't hurt...

tem said...

"Markakis is the young OFer for the Orioles"

So

"good splits post allstar break this year"

Shit, I didn't know we already had the all-star break this year.

"Funston has a mancrush on him and expects big things from him "

who the fuck is funston?

El Padrino said...

ok deke, what do you want

ToddPacker said...

"I'm just saying...a little competetive balance in this league wouldn't hurt..."



i lot less corby and weaz wouldn't hurt either

isiah thomas said...

corby see my post on LOF...

you can't pick up your own guy off of waivers.....and I'm 4th (technically 3rd bc of this)

IDGAF if I get the guy either, but damn an all caps comment?

Josh Hancocks Seatbelt said...

TEM what's your waiver priority?

tem said...

also:

team 9 is beating team 2 8-3 right now.


league seems balanced if team 9 can be smoking team 2 this late in a week.

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