Thursday, May 31, 2007

Here It Goes Again

Another round of "Name that Band". Win and inspire awe in all your peers.

A public service announcement to all. (Sorry I didn't get this out earlier El P).

And the best Peter vs Chicken fight yet.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I saw an albino squirrel

So I suppose I better recap some of the action that occurred over the weekend.

INDY: Race had lots of rain, fmtem left early, tem told her that they showed her and her family on TV and Bob Costas made fun of them for leaving. Franchitti wins a shortened, but good race, the real winners were everyone who got to see Ashley Judd in a wet dress. Sidenote: I have a suspicion that Ashley isn't very nice. Although I was impressed with her knowledge of cars.

Random Sidenote 1: The local radio DJ almost died today when he referred to the chick from the view as Elisabeth Shue. I almost stopped by the station on my way to work to explain some things to him.

NASCAR: Fuel mileage race and for whatever reason NASCAR doesn't throw a stupid caution at the 20 laps to go mark so everyone can get fuel. This meant that Casey Mears wins and Kyle Petty gets a top 5. I guarantee that someone at NASCAR got a lot of shit for forgetting to throw that caution.

NBA: Utah wins a game, then gets smacked around. Last night I saw the most ridiculous T called on D. Fischer. Cavs win a game too and I suspect they will get smacked around tonight as well, especially with Hughes out. Spurs/Pistons is inevitable.

Random sidenote 2: The damn cat had ants in her food bowl, so now fmtem moved the food bowl up to the dining room table. Of course the cat is too dumb to remember where her food is, so she just looks at where it was and meows a lot. I think that might be grounds to put her down.

MLB: Too much action to summarize. Ryan Freel nearly died I guess. So that was bad. But I guess good too, because he just nearly died instead of really dying.

NHL: Apparently the Stanley Cup finals are on now. The Ducks won game 1. I think it was on Versus. That pretty much sums up the NHL.

Random Sidenote 3: I had another random sidenote for you, but I forgot what it was. Oh yeah. This weekend Police Academy 4 was on. I did not know that Sharon Stone and David Spade were in that thing. There were a ton of odd names in that sumbitch. Also, that Bobcat dude's voice is still funny.

OK that's enough of the recap. Have at it bee snatches.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Acai-blueberry-pomegranate Vitamin Water is awesome

Can we just put the Spurs and the Pisshhtons in the Finals already. Don't waste my time. Even though the Finals will do exactly that. 80's basketball my ass, at least 80's basket ball had some fights, some hard rebounds, some elbows, some grit. This is just going to be shot clock killin, low post positioning, long rebounding, boring ass basketball. I can't wait. I'd rather fucking watch bass fishing at 6am on a Sunday morning after a MLB2k7 all-nighter involving NyQuil, beer and skinemax. EFFF that...

Bron Bron really has no team. They fucking stink. Hughes is a waste, Ilgauskas cant get out of his own way, Gibson and Jones are D+ basketball players and Marshall is a rung below them.
The team is awful. NJ should be ashamed of themselves. With Kidd, Carter and RJ they should have won that game. Not to mention Tem's fav Miki Moore. He's unstoppable at crunch time.
Who cares though.

Mets can't beat the Braves so far this year. What else is new. As usual I can't figure out why, they ain't as good as the Mets. No big hits, Wright shit the bed the entire series, Reyes has been subdued, Delgado is playing like Giambi and so on. Fuck it, enough about that.

Enjoy your memorial day weekend. Beer, BBQ, Baseball. Nothing better.
Tell the Ms. you aint going near a parking lot. Tell her there is no time for bed bath and beyond.
Tell her El pad said so.

Onto to some grub. Make these ribs.

Memorial Day Baby Back Ribs

two ways of doing this

1. dry rub them, then grill them in aluminum foil for an hour and a half or til dark brown meat. unfoil them on grill, drench them in your favorite bbq sauce, then pull them off

2. boil them in beer for about 30 minutes, then grill them just like that
again putting on bbq sauce right before you take them off the grill
any beer will do

Dry Rub:
Granulated Brown Sugar, Oregano, Garlic Powder, Salt, Pepper, Paprika, & Cayenne Pepper
Mix in a bowl, rub into ribs (not yours, the meat). Make sure the brown sugar is the dominant spice. Cover in heavy duty reynolds wrap and grill like i said

1/4 pot of water, the rest BEER (any kind), for extra kick a few shots of bourbon will sweeten it but dont add that til about the 15 min mark
Boil for 30 minutes, take out, let cool and juices sink in
Then grill, naked, for about 40-60 minutes, depending on how hot the grill is.
Slab on bbq towards end


Up yours world.

Back Home Again in Indiana

I'm probably the only one here, but I am super pumped for this weekend.

It's 500 time baby. I can just walk outside and feel it. I don't know what it is, but it's a feeling that just hits me...It's time to race.

I remember all those times I went out in my backyard to see the flyover. And my favorite part, cranking up the radio as Jim Nabors sings "Back Home Again in Indiana" as thousands of ballons are released (which you can see from my house). After that we would sit down next to the radio, with newspaper in hand, and mark down positions every 20 laps (local tv won't show the race live).

And then there was '97. Rained out Sunday, and then rained out Monday. So they ran the race on Tuesday, and just let anybody in, completely free. We could sit wherever the hell we wanted. Sat right on the entrance to turn 1 about 10 rows up. Amazing seats. Robby Gordon jumped out of his car right in front of us (he was literally on fire). I can still remember seeing him rolling around in the grass. And right at the end of the race, Tony Stewart's car broke down right in front of us.

2004 there was rain again. I refused to leave my seat. I wouldn't give in to the possiblity of there being no race. So I stayed out in the rain while they played "Raindrops keep falling on my head" and rejoiced when they started playing "I've got Sunshine". Not as awesome seats, we sat in the North chute (between 3 & 4) and not nearly as close, but it was still pretty nice. No memorable crashes, but I remember cheering on Buddy Rice to catch Tony Kaanan.

Needless to say, I was pumped to find some good seats for this weekend. Coming out of the 4th turn, 5 rows up.

Plus, on Saturday I'm working for the company that produces the 500 festival parade. Which is a really odd personal full circle because I was once actually in the parade (as a member of a local choir).

This weekend shall rock.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

i'd like to think that im expendable

celtics, eat a bone. SG, likewise. (beth, show your tits).

i'm bitter about the Wings performance and i'll admit it. however, i'll take any chance i can get to hate on Bill. what a douche. i was so excited that the clips and celts didnt get shit for the draft. i think alot of people here were though. unfortunately, i clicked the podcast on accident and let it play for about 8 seconds. Tem, im sorry man, really. not because i dont care for his ranting douchebag analysis, but because i hate that dude's voice. Corporate people can be such db's. wow, podcasts are "cool", so lets have our token "everyman" writer do one of those. the kids will like it! you guys are fooking retarded. ever talk to this guy on the phone? no, probabaly not. they rock email with his ass, so they think this is is a viable option. effin retards. so Temmy, if you never do one again, i for one wont blame you. i think i would slit my throat and wrists if i had to listen to 45 minutes of him. you, my friend, are more of a human being than i am. but lots of people are. but im admitting you are, and Propers are being handed out for that. it cant be said enough. quick, SG, lets reference "Cowbell" again so we can just rehash a funny thing that you didnt make up. his blog is named "more cowbell"? gimme a break. Anchorman quotes are already really annoying because of stupid f*cks like you (and i looooove me some A-man). it pains me to see original, funny jokes killed by tools like you.

ok moving on.

no wait, i take very much solace in the fact that the Clips were dead last in the lottery. bandwagon mafuggers are tools too.

which brings me to my next point. Dont do drugs, kids.

pause for station identification... i meant, i hate bandwagoners. the thing i hate MORE than bandwagoners and SG combined is this though.. db's that talk "S" about things they dont know. its bad enough when u have a friend/coworker that talks crap about sports and doesnt know crap (the only one that comes to mind is zeke's PK guy). bossman here keeps ragging on the teams around here.. of course my pistons and wings. and i wanna stab him with the copier. yes, the copier. i would like to lift a giant object and impale him with it. the worst part about it is that he rags on them as if we're fookin idiots for watching our own hometown teams and then freely admits that he doesnt watch said sports. i would like to hold your head down and burn your eyelids off, you douchbag mafugger. at least know a little bit about what youre talking about if youre gonna talk shit. pleeze.

nobody cares about the ice sport, but Datsyuk and Zetterberg are at least names that u need to know. just wanna point that out.

my hate is furthered on the fact that DB boss has been getting dramatic about work issues lately and i really wanna smart off about his dumb fucking sports opinions to boot. however, i realize it is not a smart move but i reeeeeeeally wanna make it. i have taken to not acknowledging him though, and i feel that my slight is some sort of a response. know your role, biznatch.

i'll be slightly inconsolable for the interim about the Wings, however, we will work through it together.

Spurs won again. big surprise. neither Utah nor Cleve is an elite team, and will get treated as such. get the eff outta the playoffs, nobody thinks you belong here, even your own mothers.

lastly... why are steroids even an issue still? if u take a step back from being a fan, u realize that human beings are like monsters compared to mafuggers from back in the day. there are a few obvious things to blame/consider for this. why does the media continually act like they are owed a moral explanation for shit like this? the only reason they write about this crap is because it sells papers/drives hit. im sick of seeing headlines about it, as is everyone else. the hypocrisy is intolerable, and i know im not alone here. i just wanted to say it.

i love you all and i think that each and every one of you has great talents and skills that God has given you. use them all to the fullest and be the best you can be.

or continue to be the waste of space that you really are.


(and it cant be said enough, but someone please slit Stephen A's throat. we're gonna take up a collection here at LOV and pay for this.)

Monday, May 21, 2007

What do you want me to say?

This is going up a tad early, but IDGAF.

Well instead of the usual “column” I am going to put the pod diary up here. This is the tem pod diary of the SG podcast. Since it is a temdiary it is awesome. It will probably have some temrants, which are awesome. These are things everyone should know. Anyway, let’s get rolling.

10:32 – Starting off the pod diary. Gotta say these things first.:

Vball is awesome in the summer. Except for the grandmas. I shit you not there were 2 grandmas playing. But the grandmas were not wearing tight clothes. Thank goodness. But there were lots of hot chicks and tem likey.

I didn’t watch the Cavs game, but I bet it sucked

It’s always awesome when a girl you thought you knew starts unexpectedly smoking and dropping F-bombs.

I just had 3 brats and I could eat 3 more.

10:34 – Eye of the Sports Guy. Still a lame fucking name.

10:34 – They still have the “for your eyes only” part in the intro. This pisses me off more than anyone can imagine. You don’t WATCH podcasts!!!!!!!!!!!

10:35 – 40:45 minutes of hell coming at you. I am sure to die, so I am just going to throw out my last wishes now. I want to be buried in West Virginia in whatever cemetery most of my family is buried in. Don’t cremate my ass ,just in case. I leave all my shit to fmtem unless she is going to throw it away, if fmtem is going to throw it away then give it to my mom. And to rip off one of my favorite TV shows everyone should know that with my last words I cursed Zoidberg.

10:37 – So it begins. Paul Shirley (PS) is the guest. But first we have to talk about the draft lottery. And by “we” I mean SG. Holy shit he is too nervous to talk about it. I am the happiest guy in the world now.

10:39 – Just so everyone knows, PS sounds like a huge computer nerd. Dude is an IT guy.

10:40 – SG: How did you end up at Iowa State? PS: Kansas didn’t want me. Iowa State took me on an Academic Scholarship. Pretty much I am sure that says everything we need to know about PS.

10:43 – PS rips on Roy Williams. Really, you’re ripping on the guy who didn’t want to recruit you? Wow. SHOCKED!

10:45 – PS: Ames Iowa is in the middle of nowhere. I really hope the rest of this pod cast is as informative as this tidbit.

10:46 – SG: Durant is from Maryland, how does he end up in Texas? Answer, Texas chicks are hot. That’s my answer. SG and PS’s answer was stupid. Trust me, you are all better off just taking my answer.

10:47 - SG: College kids never come out and say that they got paid. PS: I wish I had gotten paid. Umm yeah of course you did Paul. But you weren’t good enough.

10:48 - ……..

10:49 – SG and PS are trying to solve the NBA’s problems. They could have spent this time debating the theory of relativity and it would have been as productive.

10:54 – PS: “If I went to my hometown and asked middle aged men to name 5 NBA teams, I don’t know if they could do it.” This is about 3 feet of bullshit. What the fuck? I don’t know a single man who can’t name 5 NBA teams. OK, let me rephrase. I don’t know a single straight man who can’t name 5 NBA teams. So what does this mean? PS is from a town full of gays. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

10:55 – SG: Nets fans suck, but he doesn’t blame them. PS: Minor league fans get into the games. At this point my death begins. It will be a slow death, but I can rest assured that I had a good run.

10:56 - SG: The best NHL crowd is Edmonton. Why is this relevant??? This damn thing needs an editor to cut it down to 10 minutes.

10:57 – SG: PS you had both ends of the spectrum of team chemistry with the 04 Bulls and the 05 Suns, talk about it. PS: I worked out with the Spurs after playing with the Suns, great teams have their best player being their best guy. The Suns have it now. The Bulls didn’t have it when he played. The Suns started to have it when he was there. But, then he got cut.

11:00 – PS: Shawn Marion is not a hard worker.

11:01 – SG: So you had both ends of the spectrum in Phoenix with Nash and then Amare and Stoudemire. PS: Right. This is fucking ground breaking journalism.

11:02 – PS: Marion has the worst looking shot. It comes from his scrotum. SG: “Yeah.” At this point blood starts to flow from the ears.

11:03 – SG: You said out of anyone you ever played with KG was the best. PS: Yeah, he is tall. I am so glad that I learned this. I would never have figured that KG was good or tall.

11:04 – SG and PS: KG is crazy though. Again, really? I would have never figured that out on my own. Glad you got my back guys.

11:05 – SG: “It’s a lot easier living in a warm weather city.” This dude is a fucking genius. MENSA is knocking his door down.

11:06 – SG says “yeah” in response to anything any of his guests say. Just thought you all should know that. He starts every response with “yeah…”

11:07 – PS: Your motherboard is not quad-core compatible and you lack the RAM to run that program….Umm, wait, that is just what I imagined he said.

11:08 – PS: “I am closer to you that I am to KG” SG: “right” Well at least he is mixing it up between “right” and “yeah.” I feel as though he made some progress.

11:08 – What they are talking about now is totally not important or worth relaying. Instead I will tell you that fun bags are awesome.

11:10 – SG: “There is like a cult of the white guys in the NBA.” PS: “For sure.” And then he relays some story about white dude bonding. It sucked.

11:11 - PS’s career high is 6 points. Remember that. I am sure it will be on a buzz time trivia game soon.

11:12 – SG: Who had the best posse? PS: Joe Johnson. Good to know.

11:13 – SG: How many people would be in your posse? PS: Two

11:13 – SG: I’d have 5 and none would be better looking than me. Hmm, SG is insecure about his looks? That’s a shocker.

11:14 – PS: Would you prefer to go out with 5 dudes? SG: yeah.

11:15 – PS: I have two brothers who live with me. Of course you do PS.

11:16 – Surprise, SG turned the conversation to Tom Brady. Apparently Brady hangs with short people.

11:17 – SG: “Do you see any tv or radio in your future?” PS: I don’t want to be some dude tem has never heard of.

11:18 – Number of SG “yeahs” so far, at least 134.

11:19 – PS and SG: Announcers suck. So, umm, you two aren’t going to talk about anything new? You could have told me earlier, would have saved me some work. I am pretty sure I already did a diary on the announcers suck column. I am sure it was stellar. My diary that is, not your column.

11:20 – SG throws out a “let me ask you about your book.” PS: “It makes me nauseous.” Umm me too probably, I appreciate your candor PS.

11:21 – SG: Same thing with my book, “I had to go through these columns that were unreadable.” That’s all your columns buddy, not just the old ones.

11:21 – SG writers peak at 40ish. He is just saying this to keep readers. Hey readers! The best is still to come.

11:22 – Under 5 minutes left and I just came in my pants because I am that excited about the end of this thing.

11:23 – I am pissed off again that the theme is “for your eyes only.”

11:23 – This fucking podcast was number 2 on Itunes. Well at least the last one was. That’s probably a sign of the apocalypse.

11:25- They are wrapping it up. I am happy.

11:26 - Next week is a special guest. SG won’t tell us who. Probably because he doesn’t know.

THE END. Have at it bee snatches. I hope this isn’t a 15 scroller.

Friday, May 18, 2007

who wants cupcakes

I'v mentally checked out for the day.....and it's not even 9am yet.
Man, I don't how I get away with this......

anyway Pistons decided to ball last night so they dispatched of the bulls

tonight the shit fest continues between the Vince Carter Wincers and the Free Throw Clanking LeBrons. sleep.

Phoenix wins tonight, gauranteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddd.

Baseball in full effect, word to your mother.

Interleague kicks off, only matchups worth noting is
Mets/Yanks - Dodgers/Angels - SF/OAK - North side/South side
unless Toronto and Philly or K.C and Colorado fires you up, by all means go nuts

Giambi downplays steroids effecting HR numbers, it's known he was a user, at least he came out and said so......also he said baseball should apologize for all the steroid crap since they turned the deaf hear and the blind eyes. Agreed.

I kind of wish this was me
Oh the Iphone is a cometh.....

Laugh of the day:

"R. Kelly compares himself to Muhammad Ali, Marvin Gaye, Bob Marley -- and even Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. -- in a magazine interview that hits the street just in time for the release of his new album this month. "

Guess what?

It's FRIDAY !!!!!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Suns lose

Let the Zeke whining begin!

On to something else.

I'm not sure when it happened, but I just don't like basketball anymore. I mean, it used to be THE game. I'd walk outside my front door as a kid and see two different games going on. I even had my own hoop. I remember times in the fall when I would play from the time school let out till it was dark. I remember every day at recess playing 21. What happened to that love, that passion?

It seems like now would be the appropriate place for me to spell out the reason why I hate basketball now. But I a) don't have the time and b) can't actually figure out why. I mean, I could go off on how the bloated salaries and general lack of effort turned me away from the game. But those topics have been done and redone so many times. And it doesn't really seem like that's the heart of the problem. Maybe one day I'll figure it out, and I can go back to being a bball maniac. But until then, apathy is my way.

We have actual exciting things happening too!

Indy 500 is approaching. I'm hopefully working for the 500 parade, and I'm also thinking about snagging some tix. We'll see how that plays out.

NASCAR All-star race this weekend. Seems so early for it. But it's actually pretty exciting. Lots of crashes, for sure.

Cubs, well, they're just the Cubs. I imagine I'll see some glimmers of hope, then a quick stab to the heart. That's why I bought MLB 2k7. So I can pretend.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I hate time zones

Well it looks like I missed an awesome game last night. Flagrant fouls, come from behind wins, etc. etc. and I blame freaking time zones. Or at the very least I blame the time zone I live in. I had every intention of staying up for that game, but after 1 QTR I was too tired. If I wasn't still tired I'd blame myself for being a wuss and not being able to stay awake, but I am still tired so I blame time zones. I'm freaking moving. On the flip side volleyball was all it was cracked up to be, lots of chicks in nice shorts and nice tops. Maybe one day I'll take some pictures and put them up. I won't be in any because I am pretty sure that the camera steals a part of your soul. I don't trust those things. I also don't trust microwaves. I'm pretty sure they cause cancer.

Random side note 1: SG is a dipshit. Folks here were spot on with his amazingly dumb lines of "oh wow, I should go see the Warriors play, that sounds awesome." Followed by "oh man now going to see the Warriors is what the preppy folk want to do, I hate that." SG = Moron.

Random side note 2: Let's not limit the sportswriter hate to SG. Good old Skunk Patch is still writing some stupid shit. In case anyone wondered there are 3 Starbucks going east to Pittsburgh from Jersey on the PA turnpike and 3 going West from Pittsburgh. Why the fuck is this guy compelled to tell us this shit? He also gives reviews of about 3 other coffee places and bitches some more about a hotel charging to use its workout room. He needs to quit bitching about that because SI is paying for it anyway. SP = Wet Snotty Rag.

Well back to some basketball type stuff. I did manage to watch the end of the Cavs/Nets game. I'd have to say that the Nets choked that shit away. Kidd couldn't make a shot and neither could Vince. Those things happen. Mikki Moore probably earned himself an extra $3 million dollars during this series. Someone is going to pay some good money for him. Far more than he is making now. That series is on cruise control. Cavs/Pistons rematch should be fun to watch if Lebron shows up.

Annnnnnddddd how would you like to be the Utah Jazz right now? Watching Spurs/Suns wear each other down to no end while you should be getting by the Warriors in 5? As soon as the Jazz wrap that series up you'll see the sportswriters talking about how the Jazz have a shot because either the Suns or Spurs are too worn down.

At this point I'd talk about hockey if I had any clue what was going on. I don't even know what round they are in, let alone who is playing. I blame everyone but myself.

Random Side Note 3: So what's up with Favre shit? Did he request a trade or not? Did the media make another story out of nothing again? I need some inside info.

OK I need to start doing some work, so have at it bee snatches.

Monday, May 14, 2007

My Life is an Island Green

Spiderman 3.....C. Maybe I was expecting too much?

DVD of the week : Cocaine Cowboys. Very solid doc about coke in Miami in the 1980's.

Golden State - enjoy the fishing.

Phx - up next for a charter boat?

And we had a Bud Selig sighting yesterday. He ate brunch a table over from me with his fam. I was surprised that he looks as mousy in person as he does on tv but he was taller than I imagined. Oh and he used the same plate more than once at the buffet, thought that was kinda funny.

That's all you get Mr. Fuckyouman.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Orgasms are funny

Dirk = MVP = wow

I mean it's not that much of a shock but damn.....I guess he can hang his head on the fact that he had a great regular season. He didn't average a double double but whatever. My vote would have went to Nash again.

Da Bulls! Scott Skiles just looked so dejected at the press conference. I'd be shocked if Pistons lose game 4, they want it and they know the Nets will not make it easy on the Cavs. Detroit is in the Finals as far as I'm concerned and no matter what team on the West makes it, they have a serious chance of beating them.

Easy Roy Sabbatini, easy.

Tonight we get the joy of a Warriors home game. If any of you have any net worth I want you to do three things. Withdraw it, put it on the Warriors tonight, take a bath full of 50 dollar bills.
You can thank me later.

This DEI thing is huge news, stealing all the pub. That's all I have to say about that.

Banning beer in the clubhouses is gay. If a man can't swill a pint after a well played match then what does he have left in life.

Del Rio wanted Quinn, whatever you do stay away from Leftwhich come fantasy football time, not like he was a high pick before but it's obvious Del Rio despises him.
Vick could be suspended according to my league sources.......woof, woof.

Late night LOV spurred a "must be stoned to death list" which I'm pretty sure we have talked about this but aside from the usual suspects, Jim Gray, Carrottop, Bruce Bowen etc. let's not forget that Roger Clemens belongs at the top.

Carry on.

Oh and if one more person says "Happy Friday" or "I'm so glad it's Friday" or even if they start a sentence with "Fr" I will bludgeon them to death with my Swingline stapler.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

The first person that can name what band wrote the song named in the title will get something special from me. If we ever meet in person, you will get a hearty handshake. Let the fight begin. (No cheating).

I hate Dale Jr. Apparently he's being flakey about whether or not he's returning to DEI. And I don't care. (Because of all the hate). But, rumors keep floating about him joining Hendrick (gag). The only reason that would be interesting to see would be the reaction of the (moron) legion of Junior fans when their greatest nemesis is now a teammate (Jeff Gordon).

(Parenthetical documentation is FUN)

Actual use of parentheses by "Earnhardt Jr., 32, has said he wants controlling interest in DEI (at least 51 percent) so he could make the necessary decisions to help DEI reach the championship level."

Hot Damn! I didn't not know that to have control over the company that you needed to own over half of it! (s)

Shilling retracts his statement (because he's a pansy).

Cubs are more awesome than ever. Still think it was a good move getting rid of Marquis, mills? (Yes Meiz, the Brewers still suck)

Basketball, it (just) sucks.

Hockey too(.)

I plan, for tonight, to blow money at an awesome concert. Hellogoodbye to The Rocket Summer! (I'll be in Cincy, Tem. Waiting for your call).

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Return of the Professional Heckler

-this just in.. LeBron is f*cking stoopid. like, mentally. (i'm sure his Wonderlic test would make VYoung look like Einstein. wait, then he'd be Young Einstein, and that doesnt help my point.) but also in the "i date a girl with a weave and i wear velvet clothing" type of word, he's stupid as well. his GAME is stoopid, yo! like real sick. (just incase you werent sure.) see ya in the conference finals, bitch.

-they gave a little love to detroit on SC. hope you whores see it. just how its all gwood in The D at the moment.. wings, shtones, tig's, and the shitty ball-licker lions ready to ruin a career after they let it show promise.. yet again, it is all good in the D. Rev, if youd like, i can go in-depth with how GOOD things are going.. just incase Why Not Us wants to know how it feels..

-i wish Ginobili wasnt so good, so it would make hating him easier. i hate him, i REALLY do. but got'tamn do i respekt his game. he plays hard and gets away with alot of shit. he's a flopping bitch-ass though, thats fo sho. but what happens? whats that end result? that ball goes in the basket. damn him.

-House of Payne on TNT... effing a, man. this shit doesnt look funny, and it never will. if you find it funny, i have pity on you. its a judgment call and im making it. is this commercial the TNT version of a Mellencamp commercial? Chevy = stop. TNT = stop. how many articles before Whitlock refers to the show as another case of "jiggabooing"? im putting the line at 3. now jiggaboo for me Whitlock. dance puppet, dance.

-so i was discussing the current niba playoffs with my friend earlier this evening (while getting a little blown out, so take that for what its worth), and i realized what baxketball (and sports as a whole) was missing. "professional hecklers". it seemed like back in the 80's there were alot more guys who did this. i remember watching segments on old hoops tv shows and the 'classic' players (the golden era lakers/celts/etc) would talk about the toughest places to play, and they'd always be able to come up with which city gave them the most shit. now sure, good average-fan hecklers are nice, but theres those certain guys that just were in their own league. guys that had a rapport with the players. the players knew to look for that shit, cause they knew maximum hassling would be brought. i think one of the more famous guys was in Washington back in the day. i could be wrong, but that old red Bullets arena keeps popping up. i know Jordan has talked about guys that gave him the most shit (of course everyone did), cause i remember seeing him on those shows.

-Craig Sager sucks ALOT of dick. like, you'd be surprised. seriously.

-If you like the Cosby Show and 2 Live Crew albums, youll like House of Payne, airing Sundays at 9! Check local listings!

-i'm glad they care more about doing their 'NBA on TNT' presentations with marv and the douchebags, but can ya get back to the game before play starts again? you suck ass. you suck almost as much ass as the NHL, making sure the television coverage doesnt help market the league as a "fighting league". in recent years its gotten worse and worse. and this year it blows ass even more. Sharks/Wings series was a perfect example. show me a effin SCRUM. let me see somebody smack somebody else in the mouth with a cheapshot. its part of the game. why does Big Brother feel the need to block these things? blow me, nhl. and everybody's said it, but damnit get off Versus, where even a FAN like me doesnt even think of while searching for some evening's entertainment. seriously, make that shit more accessible. i cant get it in my rotation unless there's other worthy content on that channel to make it a 'wheelhouse' channel. shit aint poppin up in my head, and that means it aint bumpin your ratings. even the WWL-Deuce would be nice. work on that.

time to sleep. hope the suns can pull away. (and it looks like the did. 20? is this the east?)

ok, i hate you all equally.

except barry bonds. i hate you MUCH more.

Hey Look Here

So let me begin today by telling Uniroyal to suck my balls. They are not the only thing between me and the road. My brakes, transmission, floor mats, floor board, rims, and many other things are between me and the road. Suck my balls you liars.

Pistons take a 2-0 lead on the Bulls. Bulls look over matched in every aspect. I suspect they win one of these next two then lose game 5 in Detroit. I bet lots of people think that too, so I'm not really going out on a limb or anything. We should be seeing a fun rematch of Pistons/Cavs in the East finals.

Random side note 1: I think there is a 43.56% chance that El Pad buys Mrs. El Pad a mother's day gift this year. Pregnant women are cranky and he might need to do this just to keep the peace.

In the West the Jazz are up 1-0 on GS. Two things of note: GS is not the typical 8 seed and Dee Brown must really suck. The Warriors don't even bother covering him. He had at least 10 feet between him and his defender. I am excited to see how this series pans out. I don't believe the Jazz can keep winning these 100+ scoring fests, but it will be fun to watch them try. What I am not excited for is a possible Spurs/Jazz finals. The scores to those games might be 53-42. That is WNBA level scoring. I think I am going to root for a Suns/GS matchup. The scores on those games might be 152-145 with 0 overtimes.

Speaking of WNBA, just kidding, I got nothing. I don't even know if they are in season.

Let's talk Major League Soccer...umm see WNBA for my knowledge of soccer.

Random side note 2: Derron Williams is good.

Random side note 3: I was half listening to the news guy on the radio and all I heard was this "they were busy working and then something went wrong and they both got shot." I think the part I missed was key. But anyway, something went wrong and 2 people got shot.

Hey did you hear that Clemens is a Yankee? David Wells says he would never disrespect his team by not travelling with them. Hmm, he also will never win 7 Cy Youngs, get paid like 900K a start, and ever get the option not to travel with the team. I'm sure the Yankees are thrilled to have Clemens on board even if he just pitches home games and never travels at all. I mean come on, they just sent one of their starting pitchers to Class A ball. If the dude spoke English that would be one hell of an awkward moment when he meets his new teammates. I can just imagine after the game this guy's interpreter asking where the sushi spread is in the clubhouse and his teammates telling him that they are all going to hit Long John Silvers for the post game meal and if Asian dude wants to come then he can get some shrimp.

Random side note 4: When I wrote Major League Soccer, I had it as MLS, but decided that was a disease and not a sport. I didn't want to get people down by talking about people with MLS. Of course I think the disease is just MS, but MLS sounds close to it.


OK Have at it bee snatches.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Mint Juleps, Mouthpieces, Pucks, Rocks & Beisbol

Big weekend if your not JfReAk.

De La Hoya vs Mayweather live from Vegas.

I'll be honest here, I think Mayweather may want this more. I won't miss it.

132nd running of the Kentucky Derby
I've been following this for about two weeks now and my early pick was Liquidity.
But I have to say Street Sense and Tiago have caught my attention. My bets will look something like this :

$10 to show on Tiago (15-1), Sam P. (20-1), Liquidity (30-1), Stormello (30-1)
$5 to show on Imawildandcrazyguy (50-1), Teuflesburg (30-1)
$10 to place on Tiago, Street Sense, Liquidity, Sam P.
$2 trifecta box with:
Tiago, Street Sense, Liquidity
Liquidity, Stormello, Street Sense
Street Sense, Scat Daddy, Curlin
Curlin, Tiago, Sam P.
Liquidity, Sam P., Curlin

Odds will most likely change, I just grabbed the morning-line odds. Good luck to all the bettors out there.

Now, talk about a balldip complete with a cocksmack!

36-15 in the third quarter, thankfully I made it til then. Don't worry Dirk you still deserve the MVP in my mind. (S is for SARCASM)
If anyone needs me I'll be listening to Avery's postgame press conference along with Dirk aduio bytes. I'm feeeling happy.
And to think I thought they were down when Davis went down for a minute.....
I guess Oak plays winner of the homefest that is Hou/Utah series.
They have a shot there too, you can pencil them in for 3 wins period, because of the crazies at Oracle Arena.

Personally I think the 1994 Sonic team beaing beat in 5 was a bigger upset. If only because they were up 2-0 and had Game 5 at home. Cough.

Ok I'm done. Friday is here, yea Jose Valverde!

No, you're wrong.

So...I've decided that sports is dead to me right now. Draft and all the hype surrounding it is over. I could care less about the respective playoffs happening. And the Cubs still suck. Thank God for NASCAR.

With that said, I really don't feel like expanding on my point. Instead, I will be lazy and post the internet.

If you're good, I might post more next week.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


so a little thing happened on the way to stardom.. you got drafted 22nd. thanks for playing, come again. (just incase you hadnt heard)

the chicken supreme chalupas are really tasty. buy a nacho and dip it in the cheese too (thats essential). i dont care if that shit *is* 100% rat ass, that ish tastes gwood.

jr smiff aint playin next game cause he eats ass. there was mention of his ill-advised shot yesterday and apparently Big George had the same sentiments.. u suck. get off the court (now literally).

keyshawn - "give him the damn pink slip". DING! you are now free to move about the NFL.

is anybody else amused by baron davis' backwards-floating jump shot? maybe dirk's side-floating leg-kick thingy? oh, and seeeeeeriously wtf is with one of the white scrubs on GS and his nasty free throw shot? it looks like a spasm. it be bad. can u be worse than ben wallace? cause i think Cracker might take it. i'd love to give u a name, but i'm too lazy to look it up. if youve watched the games, youll know.. homie with way too much product in his hair.. he looks like a satanic porcupine headed for a GQ shoot, but on the way he stuck his stuck his finger in a light socket and by some freak of science his skin ended up getting fried. that's the only way to explain his burn. what? thats a tan? u mean he's a monster fake-baker? no shit?! hmm. world takes all kinds i guess.


dirk needs to get gangsta. like kill a bitch on the court, gangsta. he needs to wield a swiss army knife or something. or maybe rock some black stuff under his eyes, ala baseball players. or maybe put on a tough band-aid, like hearts with arrows through em. scare some mo-foze. i wanna see him with some snarl. dallas is too "bryant gumble", they need to be more "snoop dogg on record, but not in real life". 187 on a coachin' ma'fugger. hell, he could just watch stephen jackson and learn how to be *extremely* ghetto (maybe he can even borrow a glock from him mid-game). take notes. but in engrish, not german. nobody understands that shit... 'cept germans. and that wont help anyone.

i just realized i have by cousin's wedding in a couple weeks. in vegas. sexdrugsrocknroll,yay.

if dallas ends up losing, the race is WIDE open. i'll be a homer here for a moment, cause i've got the mic. i think DET has a real problem with DAL.. theyre the only team that i (used to be) scared of. DAL/GS has the weird matchups, which is why theyve boned DAL the whole year (obviously). but phuck everybody else in the east. without Fat-Ass (sha-keel) around anymore, DET should have a clear road as long as they dont puss out on LeBron's driving. somebody step the f up and take a charge or something.

throw the kitchen book at em. hootie hoo.

Scooters, Vacation, Fall

So it's that time of year again. The time when the "newness" of the NBA and NHL playoffs has worn off and I start thinking to myself "damn these things take forever." I don't even know what is going on in hockey because those dumb asses put themselves on a channel I never go to. NBA in the East has been yawners, but the West is entertaining. I guess this is not really a surprise.

Apparently Big Shot Bob hit another big 3, but his team won by 7. I don't see how it could have been that big of a 3. If they had time to push the lead to 7 then it wasn't a game winning shot. There must have been around a minute left. OK, so I just had my crack staff look it up and the shot was with 30 seconds left and pushed the lead to 4. I'm not impressed, call me when the shot takes them from losing to winning. Not winning to winning by a bit more.

One thing that did peak my interest was that Melo and AI didn't take any of the end game shots for the Nuggets. I guess they fouled out. What? They didn't? Then why the hell was JR Smith and Steve Blake shooting the crunch time shots? We need a report from Ben on this ASAP.

In a different series, Dirk is whining like a little german girl. I think GS has a chance to close this sucker out in game 5. If Dirk gets some more confidence then look out, but right now he's just a whiny Euro.

Did we ever talk about the O's / Indians game where the Ump retroactively awarded a run to Baltimore? Weird stuff. I'd post an explanation of what happened, but I am going to leave that for my editor.

(ed: The Orioles had runners at 1st and 3rd with 1 out in the second. Sizemore catches a line drive, dude on 3rd tagged up. At the same time, dude on 1st was doubled up -- but after dude on 3rd crossed home plate. Run should have counted. But at the time the ump said no. Two innings later he changed his mind (after Os finally argued) and put the run on the board)

Oh and I would be remiss if I didn't talk about Columbus' feelings on the draft. They go as so:

"Pretty much what we expected, but Pittman, hahahaahahahahahaha, told you that you should have stayed."

OK that's it, I'm spell checking this bitch then going to work.

Have at it bee snatches.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino