Friday, April 27, 2007

Fuck Mel Kiper, I'm better and I don't use Pantene Pro-V

Here's how the draft is going to go, other than a bunch of cream colored suits with big tie knots and tailed jackets:

The Raiders are going to take Russell because the other black, chubby QB with the strong arm is not available.

The Lions will draft Quinn and Father Hate will break into Ford Field and hang himself to death from the rafters wearing a Notre Dame Brady Quinn jersey.

The Browns will take Peterson who will immediately start the year on IR.

The Bucs will shoot a load in the war room and take CJ.

Cards need help protecting thier movie star so they select Joe Thomas.

Skins will actually play it smart and trade down with ATL who will select LaRon Landry.

Vikes can't believe Gaines Adams is still around yet they still wait til there is three seconds left.

Skins will stay here and take Okoye, a very talented African.

Dolphins need O-line help so they snatch Levi Brown.

Texans make a splash and trade down to Denver who take LB Patrick Willis.

Niners go defense and get white boy pass rusher from the corn, Adam Carriker.

Bills trade down to 18 with Cincy, who select Leon Hall, CB - Michigan.

St.Loo goes defense and grabs Jamaal (two a's) Anderson out of Arkansas

Carolina wants Greg Olson but that's a stretch at this spot so they shore up the Dline with run stopper Alan Branch.

Not sure the 3-4 stays in Pittsburgh but the best DE is still on the board. NO longer! Jarvis Moss goes to the Steelers.

Packers call on Ted Ginn Jr for immediate spark in both the kicking game and another target for the media whore that is Brett Farve.

CB, Darielle Revis buys a house in Jacksonville Florida. Him and Mathis will make beautiful music together in North Fla.

Bills are here and so is the guy they want. Marshawn Lynch please step up to the podium.

Titans are up next and they vow to pick the most criminal son of a bitch there is, Robert Meachem please step up to the podium (I aint saying he a criminal though)

Giants have a ton of holes and as much as I'm in love with Reggie Nelson and would love to see him wear Giant blue I think they will go with the safe pick. OT Joe Staley.

Texans, courtesy of Denver take Nelson, S out of Florida. Fuckers.

Cowboys, Dwayne Bowe, WR, USC. For some reason I think taking him over Jarrett is a mistake but what do I know.

Chiefs, with more holes than swiss, can't go wrong with anyone here. They take a run stopper. DT Justin Harrell.

Pats take double P. Paul Posluszny. It just feels right.

Here comes the Boos.....the Jets select Miami TE Greg Olsen! Crowd loves it!! Fireman Ed rips his shirt off and starts kissing men. Everyone is happy! YAYAY!

Why not us is on the clock. Eagles select Ricky Williams. Cheers all around. Oh, that was 97, my bad. Iggles take CB Aaron Ross.

The Aints are now the Saints. I know, no really they are good now. All it took was a monster hurricane to kill half the population. They go with the best talent on the board. DA U safety Brandon Meriweather.

NE is up again. WTF! This is why they fucking win every year. They go safety this time, Micheal Griffin, UT.

Ravenswood is a good wine. Anyway if Baltimore doesnt trade this down they take LB David Harris out of Michigan.

Chargers have to take Jarrett. If they don't thier draft is a failure no matter what they do in the other rounds.

Chicago, missing out on Jarrett stings, so they bulk up the D with Lawrence Timmons.

Colts have multiple plays here, OT Ben Grubbs, DE Anthony Spencer but after losing both corners to free agency they draft Chris Houston out of Arkansas.

Peace, love and nappiness.

399 comments:

1 – 200 of 399   Newer›   Newest»
ToddPacker said...

how did that happen?

Isiah Thomas said...

I have magical powers.

Mills said...

"a rambling, drunken, maniacal game "diary""

yet another example providing actual proof the loser that you are. you are 1) by yourself on a blog, 2) drunk by yourself watching a game, and 3) rambling like a whiny bitch.

keith called you out midly and you threw a temtrum.

get a clue.

Isiah Thomas said...

jesus christ mills, why are you so threatened by me? your zeke-envy is off the charts.

Don't ruin another day here.

Mills said...

here...let me help you out... call me some names and say i don't get it...

that will make you feel better inside, and show all your "friends" here how cool you are.

ToddPacker said...

"Fireman Ed rips his shirt off and starts kissing men"


ep is confusing jets fans with giant fans... must be the anaesthesia

Isiah Thomas said...

hahahahaah mills, if you keep your faced pressed up against the monitor you'll go blind, back away just a tad

ToddPacker said...

mills you still suck today

Mills said...

did i start this? perhaps in your warped mind, i did? go back and check facts. actually, it would not be consistent for you to let actual facts get in the way on an argument.

wasn't it just you yesterday that said if you spewed something out at somebody, then you should be ready to receive some back?

yes, i believe it was.

Isiah Thomas said...

since I have your home addy, I'll take a shit in a box and send it to you so you can have some zeke ass musk.

Isiah Thomas said...

mills is sitting in front of his computer throwing a Ron Burgundy "YOU READ MY NEWS!?!?" tantrum.

Mills said...

mills you still suck today

thank you tp. kindly remove your mouth from mat's balls now.

ToddPacker said...

son of a bitch.... cops/fire dept. have the street outside my office blocked.... something about a gas leak.... i hope this doesn't delay my lunch

ToddPacker said...

good one weasel... you getting there

Mills said...

"Skins will stay here and take Okoye, a very talented African."

this made me laugh.

Isiah Thomas said...

"Skins will actually play it smart "

to the Skins this means trading all of this years picks and all of next years picks and Shawn Springs and Rocky Mcintosh to trade up and draft Calvin Johnson.

Mills said...

i am out for the day at 11:30. you and zeke can have your public love affair at that time, ok?

Isiah Thomas said...

i am out for the day at 11:30. you and zeke can have your public love affair at that time, ok?

but he'll be back to check in at 11:33.

Mills said...

giants should take poslunzy.

ToddPacker said...

i gotta check out what's going on outside.... i hope i don't blow up

Isiah Thomas said...

I think weazy can't get over the fact that he was somewhat accepted here until the birth of weasel. he still hasn't recovered from that.

Isiah Thomas said...

and weazy I'm serious about the shit in the box. I might arrange for a saturday delivery.

ToddPacker said...

"i am out for the day at 11:30"


hopefully you don't come back

Isiah Thomas said...

TP start running around with your arms in the air yelling and get people into a frenzied state.

Isiah Thomas said...

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEE!"

ToddPacker said...

lunch/gas leak inspection time

Mills said...

"and weazy I'm serious about the shit in the box. I might arrange for a saturday delivery."

i don't doubt this at all. you are the kind of low life that would take the time to do this.

Mills said...

out for the day. since it is just zeke here, there isn't any reason worth being here. though i am sure he will talk to himself for a while.

Captain Stupendous said...

everyone can come back now, weazy is gone

Corbin said...

Mills...u still here?

Padre Haterous said...

is it gone?

Corbin said...

I was REALLY hoping he would reply to my post so we could prove that LGM stays around here just watching us talk shlt...damn

Padre Haterous said...

site meter

blue said...

sakes alive

blue said...

I did not watch any basketball last night. but there was an outstanding episode of the office that I did view.

blue said...

Please refer to comment on prior post for my prediction

*takes a samurai style bow.

blue said...

damn you all, bow in my brilliance

blue said...

that's a prime z...0,3,5,and 0 are all prime numbers...

that one was for tem.

blue said...

although 0 might not be a prime number technically

Captain Stupendous said...

sorry blue

Captain Stupendous said...

yea 0 is not prime

Captain Stupendous said...

prime z is disqualified

blue said...

oh well, maybe next time.

Captain Stupendous said...

zeke, where is raja bell?

Captain Stupendous said...

is the media killing him out there

Isiah Thomas said...

sportstalk this am was killing the teams overall energy/effort.

They give Raja a pass on kobe, as long as he's playing hard and giving the effort it gets chalked up to "that's just kobe".

Isiah Thomas said...

like the last bucket kobe had to ice the game, they played good d, kobe just made a hell of a shot.

blue said...

Raja would be a good name for a cat...i don't have a cat, but if I did, i'd name it raja.

blue said...

I don't consider 45 going off for Kobe anymore...that gets a yawn from me.

Captain Stupendous said...

8 man rotation, and with raja and diaw not doing much on either end, theyll wear out out before the finals if they dont finish this series in 5

blue said...

depth has always been the suns achilles heel.

Captain Stupendous said...

suns have the strictest 8 man roster ive seen, the other 4 guys will get 0 minutes against dallas an san antonio

Captain Stupendous said...

lakers can still ruin suns season just by extending the series

Isiah Thomas said...

that's the thing though, raja and diaw aren't expected to do much on either end.

And raja plays good d.

their 8 man rotation is pretty damn solid top to bottom. They match-up well with both Dallas and SA.

Good point about going more than 5 though, they need to finish this puppy up quick to regroup.

blue said...

SA isn't exactly deep either, when you're bringing a guy off the bench who has DNP's due to "old age" that can't be too comforting.

Isiah Thomas said...

raja is a streaky shooter but is in their for D mainly.

diaw is playing like a wet croissant recently. he has game but its not working for him right now.

He gets 3 feet from the hoop and looks to pass instead of finishing the drive.

blue said...

I can't see SA beating the suns in the next round, especially if their series with the mcnuggets gets drawn out to 6 or 7 games. They are old.

Isiah Thomas said...

it all comes down to rebounding for the Suns, when they rebound well the rest of their game falls into place.

When they don't they struggle mightily.

Isiah Thomas said...

remember Amare TORCHED the Spurs a few years ago in the playoffs.

but you can never count out the heart of a champion (thanks Rudy T)

Isiah Thomas said...

as soon as Amare picked up his 2nd quick foul the Suns game fell apart, and D'antoni kept nash on the bench too long at the start of the 2nd.

The biggest weakness I think they have is the coach. They have the pieces to run-n-gun, play half court and play good D.

The coach doesn't seem to have a solid plan B.

Isiah Thomas said...

I AM DR. JACK RAMSEY.

blue said...

suns problem is when they start settling for jumpshots instead of attacking the rim...and if those jumpers aren't falling then that's all she wrote.

Isiah Thomas said...

more Britney

sfw

Captain Stupendous said...

at the game, a guy in my section thought each section is its own gang, kept yelling "311 stand up!, get up! you gotta get hyper, come on 311!"
STFU

Isiah Thomas said...

it goes back to D'antoni....when its half court time they should run nothing but the high pick-n-roll with Amare and Nash.

Get Mike on the phone and I'll explain.

blue said...

all she needs now is a breast lift to keep those puppies from sagging....oh and hair.

Captain Stupendous said...

yea, it was a goods sign when amare was the only one hitting his jumper
1. other suns not making 3's
2. amare not driving

Padre Haterous said...

nash straight dribbled the rock out of bounds a couple times..

thats when u know its an off night.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Hey, why is my girlfriend here?

Halpert: (blank stare)

Andy: You think she's like a guidance counselor so something?

Halpert: nope.

ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

Isiah Thomas said...

nash dribbled the ball off his foot one time....hadn't seen that all year.

Threw it straight out of bounds on a few other plays.

M-V-?

blue said...

Fact: Bears like beets...Bears, Beets, Battlestar Gallactica.

ToddPacker said...

missed the office last night.... sounds like a good one.... i have to catch up on my tivo list this weekend

Isiah Thomas said...

TP - what's the word on the impending doom/gas leak?

Padre Haterous said...

dont sweat the EmVeePee, just an off night.

cue tina turner's Simply the Best or that song from karate kid.

blue said...

there's a gas leak in FH's cube everyday.

tem said...

It was an amazingly good temlunch today.

11am start. 1pm end.

tem said...

I had epic gas today, but it seems to have passed.

ToddPacker said...

re: gas leak

they had the street blocked and traffic effed-up.... looks like they ripped a whole in the pavement to get to a gas pipe... there were less cops and no fire trucks when i got back foe lunch, so i guess they fixed the problem.... i'm guessing the enormous wizard-sleeve-like hole in the pavement will be there for a couple of months

tem said...

You're The Best Arouuuunnnddd.

Nothings ever gonna get you dooowwn.

You're the best arouuuunnnndddd.

ToddPacker said...

i bet nash actually likes that song

tem said...

SG wrote a tribute to some dude who died that I never heard of.

I am not going to read it.

It is probably the same thing he wrote when that Hunter Thomspon guy offed himself. He just replaced Hunter Thompson (or whatever) with new dude's name.

Cut and Paste baby!

El Padrino said...

PADRE YOU LIKE YOUR FATE?

Isiah Thomas said...

EP - wassup fool?

how are the eyeballs?

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm hitting up Quiz-nizzle's for a nice long lunch today. Quizzy's always burps up nice in the PM.

blue said...

so red auerbach dies...sg has an article on it within 3 hours...some writer guy dies...it takes him a week.

Captain Stupendous said...

i thought simmons was an nba fan, does he know the playoff started

Padre Haterous said...

no gas here today.. but there is TBell in the sights for lunch (t-minus a few more minutes)

im sure itll be in fuuuull swing.

also today.. rocking some metal in my itunes.. scaring all the old people. i think i am officially the kid from that commercial.

Padre Haterous said...

ep, how many fingers am i holding up

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

Bleh...back to the shoot for me.

Suck it Trabek.

El Padrino said...

eye are aiight

slight blurry in right one due to a scratched cornea but 20/20 with no specs is sweet

be back full tilt (no blurry) in 2-3 days

El Padrino said...

one finger padre

the middle one

jugdish said...

RE SG article.

The death has to be timed better to coincide with his Wednesday and Friday columns.

ToddPacker said...

norm mcdonald was great as burt reynolds on the snl jeopardy skits

blue said...

SG column actually wasn't all that bad...made me want to read the book.

tem said...

sNL jeopardy skits were funny.

i bet everyone knew this.

Corbin said...

That's not my name...

O.K...Turd Ferguson?

El Padrino said...

fucking pornotube.com is down

tem said...

If the column made you want to read a book then it was terrible.

ToddPacker said...

how was the cake, tem

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I have a feeling that I'm gonna impress a lot of people with the "fuck you t-shirt" and my drinking prowess today.

Corbin said...

And you wagered Texas...with a dollar sign.

Simply Stunning

El Padrino said...

make us proud deke

tem said...

Cake is at 2pm. I have some time.

I at a 3/4lb burger and fries for lunch.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I present you with this giant novelty check for 25 reams of paper or paper for 6 months...which ever comes first. I now declare this issue...resolved.

lou said...

Soon

blue said...

deke throwing out the random office quotes is making me crack up.

ToddPacker said...

corbin knows snl jeopardy

Isiah Thomas said...

skins/bears re-open Briggs trade

jugdish said...

I hope the Bears get something else out of that than just swapping first round picks.

Isiah Thomas said...

the article I read said the skins are sticking to their original deal, swap 1st rounders and get Briggs....don't worry its not too late for the Skins to funk this up.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I'm thinking of using this as my new signature: www.sonsofkc.blogspot.com

thoughts?

blue said...

Jordan's kid is going to walk on at Illinois...i wouldn't imagine Bruce Weber would cut him.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I have confirmation on the LJ/Green Bay offer. I guess KC made the sales call.

blue said...

you don't need the www.

jugdish said...

Bears already got screwed in the Thomas Jones deal...I don't want to see it happen again.

blue said...

LJ's odometer is too high after last season, GB shouldn't give up very much for him.

jugdish said...

What about the rumors of the Jets trading Vilma for Portis? Your thoughts as a Skins fan.

Why are the Jets stockpiling running backs?

blue said...

word on the street is that Briggs, LJ and Asante Samuel will all be moved during the draft...

of course I don't know why I listen to the homeless guy that lives on the street, but he sounded credible.

ToddPacker said...

"Why are the Jets stockpiling running backs?"


as a jets fan, i'll answer that one....

the jets don't know what they're doing.

Isiah Thomas said...

hadn't heard about vilma/portis

I don't think Portis and Gibbs get along so moving Portis wouldn't surprise me. It'd be a mistake though.

shit it doesn't matter, the skins ran out of fingers to plug the leaky damn 4 seasons ago.

Isiah Thomas said...

the Skins need to blow up the roster and stockpile picks and build around Campbell.

Bring in Russ Grimm next season and just start over.

if they could ever get the draft right, with Snyder's checkbook they could do things.

Isiah Thomas said...

and the Jets/Skins are the Skins/Denver of the east.

Isiah Thomas said...

jug where'd you hear this one?

Captain Stupendous said...

portis aint going anywhere.

the broncos are to the skins as corbin is to any other lov baseball team

Isiah Thomas said...

ahahaha, nice one spiff

is Vilma a Rosenhaus client? if so it makes sense.

though I think Portis is a Next Question client also

Captain Stupendous said...

dont worry if skins trade away next years draft zeke, then next year they can trade away their '09 draft. we can never run out of 'next years' so its ok

Isiah Thomas said...

excellent point.

tem said...

Hey this just in. Tampa Bay wants Calvin Johnson.

tem said...

My cable company just added ESPN2 HD. They didn't tell me or anything. They just put the channel out there. I noticed this two days ago. Not sure how long I have had it.

Some notice would have been nice.

blue said...

tem-
they are waiting to tell you that they are raising your rates, then they'll mention all the "great new programming they offer"

jugdish said...

Shoot me! I just spent the lst 30 minutes talking to "smokey voiced lady" in my office. You know, the lady who's voice sounds like she has been smoking 4 packs a day for the last 30 years. Drives me nuts! I wish she would switch to chewing tobacco or something. Everytime I talk to her I feel like I have to clear my throat for about 15 minutes.

ToddPacker said...

i hate when that happens, tem

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I need Pedialite, Red Bull, Gatorade, and Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino.

tem said...

cake got pushed back.

i'm on strike until then.

tem said...

not that i usually work on friday afternoons anyway.

ToddPacker said...

"smokey voiced lady" = smelly purfume lady in my office.... those gallons of purfume aren't covering up the smell of carlton 120s

tem said...

Pedialite frozen popscicles suck.

I hate those things.

blue said...

tem-
do you have any "pedias" at your house?

tem said...

No. I had one at someone elses house.

Thought it was a regular Flavor Ice.

tem said...

It wasn't.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I could use a BJ.

ToddPacker said...

they do suck... even kids don't buy that frozen ice pop trick

ToddPacker said...

is that your kod-bat-signal meiz?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I was not at all interested in SG today.

tem said...

Who couldn't use a BJ?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

No, kod doesn't suck dick. he likes to fuck dudes in the ass.

ToddPacker said...

good point, miez

blue said...

he's done swinging

ToddPacker said...

i have to do an crap load of yard work this weekend.... not looking forward to it

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

"he's done swinging"

allegedly.

whocares said...

It guys are finally off my jock. I was waiting on one of them to ask me why I spend an odd amount of time on this site.


Dodged that bullet.

ToddPacker said...

i think everyone is waiting for that memo, wc

tem said...

Pretty much waiting on that memo.

Captain Stupendous said...

everyone of us needs an up to date resume ready to be used in case of that memo

tem said...

making a resume sounds like work.

Captain Stupendous said...

if halberstam did not die, would simmons have a playoff article?

tem said...

Also Calvin called himself Stupendous Man. Not Captain Stupendous.

Captain Stupendous said...

tem, find one online that looks like your experience and replace the name, school and company with yours

tem said...

that sounds like work.

Captain Stupendous said...

tem, i know this, i have the whole calvin archive

Captain Stupendous said...

i like this name better

tem said...

i figured you did, but i wanted to throw it out there anyway.

did you get the "new" books from a couple years ago that was the whole collection in some hard backs?

whocares said...

It's official. I can only read DJ Gallo on the A.M. Jump. Anything longer than that and he stops being funny.


That draft thing was painful to read after the first four picks...

Captain Stupendous said...

yea, gf gave to me as a gift

tem said...

gallo is good is short bursts.

calvin collection is awesome. well worth the $$$.

blue said...

that is a must have book

ToddPacker said...

calvin collection is great

blue said...

I have a couple of the calvin books, and the hardcover book, will show to my kids someday...if I have kids.

blue said...

my paperback calvin books are all wrinkled though, and i think my dog ate a couple pages on one of them.

ToddPacker said...

bloom county collection is pretty good, too

blue said...

I never got into bloom county...too much politics for a kid...or was that doonesbury.

ToddPacker said...

it was doonesbury-like....

blue said...

now, i'm busy reading calvin comics online...very productive day.

tem said...

both if i recall.

tem said...

calvin books are in the bathroom.

i just read them in order over and over again.

ToddPacker said...

the far side was good, too..... do kids still read the comics in the newspaper?

blue said...

i try to read the comics in the paper and usually just read peanuts and give up. everything nowadays is crap.

tem said...

Foxtrot is OK.

Some strip that has a talking cat and dumb dog is ok.

tem said...

not garfield.

Isiah Thomas said...

the internets makes the hard copy of the paper irrelevant

whocares said...

How many more years are they going to milk the "Draft Busts" article? We know the Ryan Leaf story, we know the Heath Shuler story, we know the Akili Smith story.

Please give it a rest for ten years at least.

blue said...

is that cat and dog "get fuzzy"? or something like that?

Dilbert is ok, it was better a few years back.

Isiah Thomas said...

rumor de jour

browns trade the #3 and Braylon Edwards to Oak for the #1.

Bask in the stink of draft rumors...everyone...please gather round and waft up the pooh smell.

Isiah Thomas said...

page 2 had a good draft busts article

blue said...

the browns are the one team that I wouldn't think would want to move either up or down.

Isiah Thomas said...

although there is the rumor that the Raiders already agreed to terms with Quinn, MD.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'd like to hear a rumor about a rumor.

Padre Haterous said...

i wish MD woulda gotten lost in Weis' rolls and died

blue said...

did you know that Quinn's sister is married to GB linebacker AJ Hawk?

(s)

blue said...

has anyone hit the 15 run jackpot yet?

Captain Stupendous said...

re: tickets
anyone know warning signs of a scam on craigslist?

i.e wants 100$ per ticket, but then says "negotiable". Does that mean offer me anything because im just gonna take the money and run anyways?

Isiah Thomas said...

I've never used Craig's List.

if he counters your 100$ offer asking for "bottoms" RUN LIKE THE WIND.

Isiah Thomas said...

I hope Weiss gets lost in his own folds and dies.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

this is my job for tomorrow.

Looks kinda cool.

blue said...

re: craigslist

typically your transaction will be face to face, so he can't just take your money and blow out of town.

blue said...

freak-

I'm sure there will be a ton of hot engineering chicks there.

Captain Stupendous said...

ive paid through paypal before, and it worked out that time, but yea ima try to stick to face to face transactions

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ToddPacker said...

ben, you forgot the

(s)

tem said...

I think the Giants hit 15 a week or so back.

The pirates haven't sniffed it.

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