Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Back up in this ass like the rezz-uh-rek-shun

Holla, el biachos.

(This is your morning.)

Long time since the Good Father brought the noise like a kid on Xmas morn', but it's the turn of the tide and this shit is rockin' up in here again (Ed: I have no idea what any of that means). We likes to keep it hizz-ot, but we also gots ta keep it pretty real. My ass has morning meetings on Wed's, so i'll have to slightly induce labor on these posts and get this ish out the night before. Not that you care. Movin' right along...

So it's been a little lackadaisical up here on the front page lately.. not too many stories to really dredge up and beat to deff', no real significant arrests or incarcerations for any of our sports heros, no maimed white, blonde women by scary, drug riddled ath-a-leetz... nothing that "matters". Speaking of which though, these two idiots were meeting with the Commish (not Tony Scali). I would've loved to be a fly on the bullshit in that room. Commishy trying to say politically correct phrases for an hour and listen to what sounds like an episode of COPS, when he really wants to just say "f*ck mayne, just stop bein' so got'damn ghetto!" But let's hear it from Henry's side...

"It went pretty good, to have the chance to meet the commissioner face to face," Henry told The Cincinnati Enquirer. "I just wanted to explain my situation to the commissioner and move on. I told him I was learning from my mistakes and how to handle myself in a better manner."
Am I the only one who finds this statement pretty funny? A grown ass dude learning how to 'not keep acting like a f*ck up'? I don't know, it's funny and sad at the same time. Ya can't buy yourself smart, kids.

Lance Briggs might still have to keep it gangsta in Chicago. No trade yet and its not lookin' profitable. Keep it real, homie.. sit that shit out. Oh, and then try to come back for the final six just so you can technically "get your's"? Ok look douchebag, your favorite sport as a kid is now a bidness. It's what keeps the steaks on your plate and 'dat ass on your lap. You get paid to go play. This is what you do. You are rendering a service. Go grab your jersey and get the f*ck out on the field. You got franchised, so what. It still means you're making top dollar, you'll still be able to get the high class ho's and the limo's and still have enough left over for bail money... I just don't have any sympathy for this shit. You signed a contract, the contract leaves the team (ie, The Business) with the right to make this move.. sorry bitch, but grab your jock. Get out there, bitch. Go tackle and make your team proud, ya bitch. F*ckin' Spreewell Syndrome ("gotta get paiiiiiid"). I haven't even really followed this story that closely.. and I feel like SG now, ya know, making outlandish and uninformed, yet overly opinionated statements. God, I feel like a Shamhoff too! I'm a writer, Ma! (Now *I* just need to get payyyyyd! Red rocks bitches, ya-ee-ya-EE!)

But on a, um, lateral (?) note.. BeeBee (not to be confused with CeCe, she's a Winan) is officially comin' to Michigan. Go.. Blue.. ? Sad truth is though, nobody really gives a shit about Michigan hoops anymore anyways (and the shoddy recruits speak louder than words). Maybe they'll get back to having a high profile team once again, but damn, unless you get the strike of lightning again (cue the black socks) then youre gonna pull the 'rebuilding years' all over again.. again. They've basically been rebuilding since they came through.. so that was what, 1993? Bitch, this is the two-oh-seviiiiiiiiiiiiiin. Magic Johnson's kids have grown and beat AIDS themselves, and C-Webb is almost done paying back interest to loan sharks from the early days of landing himself the newest sneaks... it's a proud time in the Michigan family.

Baseballbaseballbaseball.

(This is your morning after reading "crap". Any questions?)

Have a sucky day.
The End.

396 comments:

1 – 200 of 396   Newer›   Newest»
Isiah Thomas said...

FH, please box up and mail me a burned up/boared up house for being the first comment.

Isiah Thomas said...

UM needs to find its new Ed Martin (RIP). Pay dem fools cuz.

El Padrino said...

RIP Eddie Robinson

El Padrino said...

good shit ypp, feel ya on the Briggs thing, i gotz no love for professional athletes who need more money to buy weed, buy rims, open up car washes, buy chin chillas and so forth

El Padrino said...

yesterday tps was moby dick and i was the little boy inside of his stomach

ToddPacker said...

Champions....again

ToddPacker said...

back to back with a footyball nc in between... not too bad

ToddPacker said...

i think i’m suffering from a delayed reaction of alcohol poisoning

El Padrino said...

must feel good tp

El Padrino said...

well that doesnt feel good for sho

ToddPacker said...

nice to see ypp back in the rotation

ToddPacker said...

yes it does... back account is feeling it though.... spent waaaay too much money

ToddPacker said...

beathing hurts today

Steve said...

Damit, I didn't know the new post was up. I've been talking to myself.

Well one link is a must see:

Kinda Safe For Work

ToddPacker said...

i don't have the energy to battle with 2 days worth of tps right now

El Padrino said...

the lebron highlights from last night were dope

El Padrino said...

and the Cards are already done

mark it down

iamunstoppable said...

zeke, better yet, i'm gonna send a homeless man to you.. but i'll make him drag the burned remains with him. kill 2 birds with one stone.. get rid of garbage, and rid of the house too.

ToddPacker said...

"and the Cards are already done"


hhahaahhaa.... must sweep today

ben said...

by the way...kobe is a bitch

ToddPacker said...

wow...razorbacks must be pissed

temwr said...

Creighton coach pulled a Richie Rod on Arkansas.

ben said...

and people in Omaha are dancing in the streets today

temwr said...

that post was both Grandma good and NIT good.

ben said...

grandma good is a scary saying

Spaceman Spiff said...

scot shields is unhittable so far

Spaceman Spiff said...

LOV is slacking, still tired from carrying rev's casket to the gravesite

El Padrino said...

tps

temwr said...

i don't know about anyone else, but I keep thinking it is friday.

but it is really wednesday.

so that makes me sad.

El Padrino said...

i dont know about anyone else but im ot loving being or "acting" like a responsible adult

El Padrino said...

i'm off friday

it's good

Spaceman Spiff said...

anyone else have good friday off, i didnt even know until yesterday, love it, beer is not meat right?

iamunstoppable said...

just got screwed on a massive amount of tps.. eff this. and they are 'last second' tps.. the worst kind.

El Padrino said...

friday = imax, 300
then happy hour

so good

temwr said...

beer doesn't have legs so it doesn't count.


circle of lov....

El Padrino said...

tps is awful lately

somethign must be done

ben said...

i thought today was thursday until I got into the office.

temwr said...

i have to work friday.

and saturday.


and sunday.

ToddPacker said...

piles and piles of tps for me

i have to work on friday... so it's not so good

meat-beer sounds gross

ToddPacker said...

"i have to work friday.
and saturday.
and sunday."


tem are you the easter bunny?

ToddPacker said...

"still tired from carrying rev's casket to the gravesite"


did something happen to rev besides his new job?

El Padrino said...

tem is the easter bunny





hahhahahahahhahahaa

Spaceman Spiff said...

Britney Spears attended a Lakers game the other night. When asked if she'd like something to eat, Britney replied, "No thanks, I'm already eating my acrylic nails." When asked if she'd like ketchup with that, Britney replied, "No, my blood tastes better." Later, while picking her zits, Britney asked, "Why doesn't crystal meth taste like sugar? I like sugar, and crystal meth doesn't taste like it. They should put it in sugar packets like they put sugar in sugar packets so it will taste like sugar."

Spaceman Spiff said...

i shit on tps

Steve said...

Ha, this dude needed change for a dollar, I only had 85 cents. He accepted.


I'm a master negotiator!

Spaceman Spiff said...

steve is a hustler

Spaceman Spiff said...

what up thrillhouse

ben said...

TP from where you were sitting could you tell that Oden played 38 minutes and was really looking tired?

Spaceman Spiff said...

mooooooooom, bart's smoking!!!!!!

Steve said...

Just read that KFed is actually getting around 13 million in the divorce.


Well played sir.

Steve said...

and 25K/Month in child support.

El Padrino said...

well played indeed

whocares said...

To TPS,


Why must you treat me this way?


Regards,

WC

whocares said...

No work for me this Friday. Could mean a few holes of golf are in my future.

El Padrino said...

fuck the suns and thier "letting teams back door cover a sure bet"

whocares said...

Weather permitting.

Spaceman Spiff said...

kfed rolled hard eights during the whole negotiation process, he's getting child support til they are 18, gets to keep all gifts from marriage(ferrari), half of whatever they sell the house for. hard to make fun of this guy,

POPOZAO

ben said...

Spiff-
does Turiaf where a kevlar vest or something under his jersey for the lakers? I swear his chest looks like it's 3 times larger then it used to be.

Spaceman Spiff said...

i think he wears a protector because of his heart, getting hit in the chest may kill him

Steve said...

a lot of what he's getting is "shut the fuck up" money.

no books, no movies etc. etc.

El Padrino said...

that's cool

Isiah Thomas said...

woo woo

THIS IS NOT A GAME PEOPLE.

El Padrino said...

i wish he'd sacrifice that and release the 8 sex tapes he and she made

cmon fed, take one for the team!

Steve said...

no doubt

Spaceman Spiff said...

he needs to let someone "burglarize" his house, then leak the tapes

ben said...

our luck the "tapes" would be when she was preggers or right after.

Isiah Thomas said...

FH I was going to ax if you'd send a homeless guy but figured that'd be greedy.

I'm thinking about starting an underground "Gladiator" type fight club with bums. Mix bumfights + fight to death = $$$$$.

ben said...

did anyone ever download the kardashian tape?

Isiah Thomas said...

tps need to chill, mad day MLB on = tv watching all day.

chill tps

Spaceman Spiff said...

yea, was disappointed in the dubbing of the tape

El Padrino said...

but spiff her henie is stupendous

Steve said...

I look at the mounds of TPS, then I shrug and go back to surfing the net.

Steve said...

I have yet to watch that tape, I keep telling myself to watch it when I get home, but then I forget.

I'm A Failure

ebntx said...

whats up peeps?

net crapped out in the office till now. glad to see i didnt miss anything.

Spaceman Spiff said...

yea, shes got booty and a nice rack, you could stand a cup on both

ben said...

her sisters are hideous...wonder why daddy paid for all of Kim's enhancements but the other sisters continued to look like bowser.

Steve said...

Yep

Yep

Yep

temwr said...

"look like bowser"

cracks me up

temwr said...

i am not the fucking easter bunny.

i'm santy claws.

temwr said...

i keep forgetting to look at the biel pics from a few days back.

it haunts me while i am at work.

ben said...

I need to see that biel movie.

temwr said...

kfed did alright for himself.

he played it well enough.

Steve said...

biel pics?!?!?!?

i must have missed those, somebody re-link.

Steve said...

oh, those!

Spaceman Spiff said...

tem set reminder alarm on your phone, re:biel's ass

it jiggles so nice in the video clip

ben said...

"biel pics?!?!?!?"

there was a trailer for the movie and a bunch of screen caps, i'll see if I can find it.

Steve said...

yes it does spiff, just the right amount of jiggle.

temwr said...

one of the dudes in the conference room next to my office has one of those throat cancer voice box things.

temwr said...

yes i am referring to the trailer and screen shots.

temwr said...

sometimes biel has a look on her face that seems to say "i have no fucking clue how i got here, it must have something to do with my body, oh well, i think i am supposed to say something now..."

ben said...

Bielicious

Spaceman Spiff said...

t,e,e,m,m - st,t,to,p,p - pl,o,o,w,i,ng - m,m,y - w,i,i,i,fe

temwr said...

throat cancer voicebox guy is cracking me up.

ben said...

she got nekkid in that movie with the dawsons creek guy...i don't remember the name of that movie though.

temwr said...

the best part is that he is dominating the conversation and interupting people left and right.

Steve said...

good stuff Ben, i was looking for the trailer and found this pic

There HAS to be a God!!!

Spaceman Spiff said...

rules of attraction was the movie

Spaceman Spiff said...

ye she looks good when wet in 'massacre', also her booty is delicious in 'summer catch' bikini scene

ben said...

biel was part of an auction here in denver a few months ago, you could bid on a date with her...my wife wouldn't let me clear out the 401k

ben said...

whoring yourself out for charity is very high in my book.

Steve said...

tem walk buy and say


w,o,u,l,d y,o,u l,i,k,e t,o p,l,a,y a g,a,m,e

(that's comma thing is hard to do)

Spaceman Spiff said...

how does one approach a purchased date? like a real date and try to get action, or just take it for what it is and ogle the shit out of her whilst making no conversation

Steve said...

ben how much did she go for?

Spaceman Spiff said...

t,e,e,m - st,o,o,o,p - la,a,a,f,fi,i,ng - a,a,a,t - m,e,e,e,e - y,ou,u,u - ba,a,a,s,t,a,a,rd

ben said...

I would just ogle her, boob graze, glance her ass with my hand....you know all the stuff a highschool kid would do.

Steve said...

spiff, I would just convince her not to mention to anybody that it was an "auction" date. Then I take her out a few towns away and pimp around the downtown area with her.

I'd go back the following weekend and get MAD ass.

ben said...

I wanna say it was in the neighborhood of 30K$ but I can't remember.

ebntx said...

i guess it made him sound crazy.

keith richards

ben said...

It was 30K

Steve said...

30K for a "date". I wonder how much she would have gone for if the guy knew he would get some of that ass?

Steve said...

50K? 100K?

ben said...

I guess if you have that kind of money, and since it's a tax write-off, then I could see it hitting 6 figures.

Steve said...

oh yea, hell Demi Moore got 1Mil and Beil is waaaaay hotter.

Spaceman Spiff said...

ateempting to get angels tickets, will go kobayashi on the hot dog stand

El Padrino said...

hey mills how's carpenter?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

El Padrino said...

i didnt know 50 cent was on the devil rays

ebntx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ebntx said...

with the exception of having some hot women.

ebntx said...

the link should say:

sweden sucks

El Padrino said...

i wanan fuck that girl on american idol, i think her name is haley

Isiah Thomas said...

RIP Carpenter's elbow

temwr said...

30K easily for a date. As long as the date was an actual date and not me her and her bodyguard standing around for 15 minutes.

I'd need the whole dinner and a movie thing.

Or just parking the limo and fucking. it would be her call.

Isiah Thomas said...

EP - what's up with the weather in NYC? Yanks/Rays PPD...wth

ToddPacker said...

TPS 35
Toddpacker 7 (Halftime)

ben said...

Haley from American Idol is definitley do-able...she can't sing for shit, but she's great eye-candy.

Isiah Thomas said...

TP - where did you end up sitting for the game(s)?

The lower level seemed far away from the court, the 2nd and 3rd levels were in another zip code.

Isiah Thomas said...

put in Tim Tebow in the 2nd half TP.

Isiah Thomas said...

TP - we're going to need a recap.

Drive there, ATL, the semi-final game, debauchery at night, Final game, drive home, night on the couch, etc.....

I hope you have some good stories.

Isiah Thomas said...

link up this haley chick, I haven't seen american idol

ToddPacker said...

upper level (another zip code)

ToddPacker said...

no real good stories.... atlanta can be scary and we stayed in a scary section fri and sat.... moved to a place closer to buckhead for sun and mon... lots of boozing, except at the games... no alcohol served (major wtf)

ToddPacker said...

i would say that i had a better time in az than in atl.... it was great making fun of OSU fans again

ben said...

trying to find a good picture zeke.

ToddPacker said...

sunday night a bunch of guys went out to some "adult" clubs (those guys have some great stories), but i was spending too much money so i opted to hit a bar near the hotel and watch the mets/cards game with some other of my poor/married friends

ben said...

a trip to atlanta without visiting the gold crown club??? or whatever that club was called that all the athletes went to.

Isiah Thomas said...

that ticketreserve place sold its "right to buy" face value tickets for $106/per + face value of the ticket.

Would this have been a good value for you?

I'm trying to gauge if this place is worth it.

Isiah Thomas said...

the gold club went out of biniss.

Isiah Thomas said...

Det/Tor Top 3, 0-0

Looks cold.

Isiah Thomas said...

if you're a ball player who has to wear glasses, why not rock the rec specs?

ben said...

According to Klosterman, he thought you could scalp tickets pretty cheap on the streets.

Isiah Thomas said...

the $106 was for the semi's, I think it was a little more for the champtionship game

ToddPacker said...

friday night ride up to atlanta was OK. my friend drove and about half way up me and another guy decided to start drinking (driver was smart enough not to drink)... bad idea we were stopping every 30-45 minutes to pee... still booze made the drive go faster.... the ride home on tues sucked... 4 days of drinking mixed with a 7 hour ride home was bad news... i imagine it would be worse if we were OSU fans

El Padrino said...

zeke it's 39 degrees and raining like hell

El Padrino said...

spring my asssssssssss

Isiah Thomas said...

spiff are you trying to go to today's game?

I'm shutting down TPS around 12:30 to watch that game in its entirety.

El Padrino said...

atl is scary

i second that

certain parts i would guess are nice

ben said...

AI Haley

This was the best I could find.

ben said...

that pic, doesn't really do her justice.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

I suck at R6: Vegas

ToddPacker said...

i paid 210 for "distant view seating"... the seats were terrible... i walk around a lot for the g-town/osu game... sat in my seats for the florida/ucla game for the first half and then move down to a better section for the secnd half.... mon we pretty much stayed in our seats for the entire game and then moved down closer when there was about 4 minutes left

El Padrino said...

last night she sang with her coochie hanging out

Spaceman Spiff said...

nah, tomorrow's game against the A's, those bastards

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm moving from "like-like" to "really like-like" with mlb tv online

I dl'd the "6 games at once" on my home comp and ignored fmz all night.

Isiah Thomas said...

watching vlad crush hr's is awesome

ToddPacker said...

there were tons of scalpers, but the scalpers seemed extra-shady... i would not trust buying tickets from most of those guys that were on the streets those 2 nights

El Padrino said...

vloddy doddy
we likes to party

ben said...

time for chipotle.

ToddPacker said...

mlb baseball package on direct tv has some nice upgrades this year... highlight channel and a channel that has 6 games on at the same time with the ability highlight the one you want to listen to... plus a nice live stat/scores menu

ToddPacker said...

and they added 2 hd channels

Spaceman Spiff said...

haley

ToddPacker said...

mets/cards in hd tonight.... only problem is i think its the st loo feed... joe buck is a loser

Spaceman Spiff said...

vad likes to dip the rangers, full scrot

Isiah Thomas said...

FH : Garry Shefflied will be at a signing for his new book "Inside Power" today from 5-8PM at the Hockeytown Cafe.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'd let that bitch gargle my semen.

Isiah Thomas said...

magglio ordonez looks like Gallager with a ball cap on.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Hangover: 13

Meiz: 33

Isiah Thomas said...

does vlad still have the 45 game hit streak going against them?

Isiah Thomas said...

and Rex Hudler and Phyziock (sp) are one of the best announcer combos for MLB.

Isiah Thomas said...

Det 1 Tor 0 bot 3, bases loaded no outs.....AJ Burnett (another one of my guys) pitching.

Spaceman Spiff said...

it ended at 44, but he still kills them

Isiah Thomas said...

and guillen hits a 2 run single

my team's era smells like weazy breath (which I'm assuming is horrible)

El Padrino said...

way to go meiz

ToddPacker said...

wow i just checked the lov brackets... florida winning put me in 5th.. not bad.... who won? is that WC?... the slap fight between ds and zeke looks like it had some potential...

Isiah Thomas said...

and Burnett is done, 2 IP, 3 ER (bases loaded no outs)

thanks for playing AJ.

A one armed monkey could have done better.

Spaceman Spiff said...

weasels dont have toofbrushes, must be awful

El Padrino said...

discovery channel in hd
and national geographic

the sight of a spider eating a insect now looks better

El Padrino said...

one armed monkey are great pitchers as a matter of fact

El Padrino said...

poor manny acta
he's going to go like 12-152

they have no pitching

GO NATIONALS!

El Padrino said...

i'll take it

El Padrino said...

only that adds up to 164 games

im a buffoon

10-152

thank you

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Guillen will end up being my demeiz. Fuck that guy.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

We have flurries here. Honestly?

El Padrino said...

I'm Ron Burgundy?

Isiah Thomas said...

granderson just missed a grand slam by half a foot

Isiah Thomas said...

actually he hit it

El Padrino said...

a grander-slam

dam
call pam

El Padrino said...

Mets are going to annihalate Braden Looper tonight

El Padrino said...

and ima be laughing like a hyenia

El Padrino said...

i put a bullet in tps's head

temwr said...

voice box guy just left.

we had cake and ice cream for some dude's birthday.

so i had cake, ice cream and voice box guy. today just went from a 2 out of 10 to a solid 8 out of 10.

ToddPacker said...

did voice box guy sing happy birthday?

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

I talked to a voice box guy on the phone last week. He had to hear me giggling.

temwr said...

benching louis gonzalez for mike jacobs was a solid move by the manager of Mills Luvs MooseCock.

temwr said...

no if he had sung happy birthday that would have made it a near 10 out of 10.

El Padrino said...

can someone post Gammon's blog today

i refuse to become an "insider"

El Padrino said...

is it the voice box guy from the smoking commercials?

"No you don't alway die from tobaccoooo"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

As a full time smoker, I must say that I enjoy the "Truth" commercials. I have non-smoking friends that get riled up over them. I find it weird.

Isiah Thomas said...

do you think Rev went in for his first day of training class and sat in the front row.....then was politely axed to move to the back bc his dome piece was blocking everyone?

El Padrino said...

zeke that's a hilarious scenario

El Padrino said...

i like the melting pregnant woman/babies one meiz

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