Saturday, March 31, 2007

I'm Your Huckleberry


Brutus : Timmy, it's like our first date all over again!

Timmy : WTF are you talking about?

Brutus : Florida vs OSU, this time for the hoops title!

Timmy : Oh yeah, I guess it is. The end result will be the same I bet.

B : Well, my team is pretty good, they've won 22 in a row.

T : Yeah just like your football team won all those games in a row, remember, they beat "mighty" Michigan.

B : Our football team was a fraud, as was Michigan's.

T : True dat. Your ass still hasn't stopped bleeding from that beatdown.

B : My ass really does hurt. But we have great guard play and Greg Oden is a beast.

T : Yeah well, my team can do it all, inside and outside.

B : They are talented, but that Noah guy is a fag.

T : What? He's one of our best players.

B : Well he screams after every play, and what's up with that hair?

T : Watch your mouth Brutus.

B : Ok, sorry Timmy.

Timmy : No problem, but after the Gators beat you down in football I thought you learned your lesson.

B : Today is a new day! Anyone can win!

T : You sound like a real fag there Brutus, like Dook Vitale when he's screaming about sorry ass Dook.

B : I like Dook Vitale. And I think our team has a really good chance. Your team is well coached and has a lot of experience, but the Buckeyes can do it!

T : Did you forget the 26 point ass kicking the Gators put on your team earlier this season?

B : No I remember. *pissing pants*

T : Exactly B, but damn don't piss your pants. You're lucky its warm down here or there'd be piss ice everywhere. Florida will win 72 to 60.

B : I'm scared for my team, hold me Timmy.

T : I always do B.

534 comments:

1 – 200 of 534   Newer›   Newest»
Isiah Thomas said...

9. Piss Ice All Stars

11. BRINGDAMUFUGGINRUCKUS

13. Don't get beat by a chick! (with no more available points)

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

What were 1-8, 10 and 12?

whocares said...

Looks like a slow morning...

temwr said...

you got t and b backwards.

temwr said...

monday's always take awhile to get going.

temwr said...

I am thinking of making up a volleyball playbook for sand volleyball this year.

I know nothing about volleyball plays so they will all be similar to football plays.

I'm pretty sure the triple option will work well for volleyball.

temwr said...

I think Beth beat the SG.

SH definitely beat SG.

El Padrino said...

lets go mets

El Padrino said...

this post was outstanding by the way

ben said...

when does yahoo update with stats from yesterday's baseball games? I had glavine, which was smart.

ben said...

the legend of greg oden grows stronger by each day.

your paternal parent said...

enter the dragon

ben said...

Zeke-
Nice doc holliday reference...as long as it's the doc played by Val Kilmer, and not the gay one played by Costner.

ben said...

I mean dennis quaid

ben said...

quaid was the gay doc holliday

Mills said...

costner played wyatt earp, not doc holliday.

ben said...

Blades of Glory was strong for me. I give it a B, 4 out of 5 prince chills. I laughed, a lot.

I read that Kod didn't like it, but that's because he likes bottoms.

Steve said...

My Head Hurts

temwr said...

Dammit. The T and B being backwards is damaging my calm.

T does not say things like:

My ass really does hurt. But we have great guard play and Greg Oden is a beast.

Well, my team is pretty good, they've won 22 in a row.

Those are things B says.

I'm irate over this.

ebntx said...

"I read that Kod didn't like it, but that's because he likes bottoms."

kod was probably offended by the overall gayness to only find out that they werent gay.

ebntx said...

i liked it and give it a b+. i laughed my ass off, but doesnt get a better grade because it was about ice skating.

ben said...

"kod was probably offended by the overall gayness to only find out that they werent gay."

I agree, gay people don't have a sense of humor about gayness.

whocares said...

I was thinking that B $ T were backwards.

Inexcusable.

Steve said...

tem is stressing.

you have the access Tem, fix it.

whocares said...

*B & T

Steve said...

Zeke must have had a few drinks last night. Mixing up the T & B.

We may have to come up with some form of punishment over this.

temwr said...

I don't have access.

For whatever reason I can not delete comments, except on days I post and I don't think I can get into his post and fix it.

I am a lowly Junior Contributor.

temwr said...

and for whatever reason our contributor list and LOV picture got moved way to the bottom again.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

People need to wake up.

Spaceman Spiff said...

dont fawks with this

Spaceman Spiff said...

SG took my euro trying to dunk over a girl link also, fucker

Spaceman Spiff said...

found out i can win money while other people roll dice, but should bet dont't pass when i am rolling

Spaceman Spiff said...

tried a deep fried twinkie, was too aesthetically disgusting too enjoy, and the girls working that booth looked like straight shit, 1 of them had 1 upper tooth, i am not joking

temwr said...

I can never understand that game.

Spaceman Spiff said...

its easy if you just stand there a couple minutes with a friend that knows how to play

ben said...

i stay away from the craps table, even if it has the best odds.

El Padrino said...

today at work = a shit show

El Padrino said...

fried oreos are better

Spaceman Spiff said...

titties were out in full force, wind chill be damned

El Padrino said...

vegas baby

temwr said...

1 upper tooth?

That's what happens when you only eat fried twinkies.

temwr said...

i'm hungry.

El Padrino said...

Tem maybe she was a cousin of yours from West Virgna

ben said...

it's spelled Virgina...i saw that at the NIT

ben said...

I guess west virginia's basketball team isn't the only thing that's NIT good...their spelling program is NIT good also.

your paternal parent said...

drinkin foe'teez and rollin dice.. awww yeah

El Padrino said...

beer comsumption was overall very good this weekend

Isiah Thomas said...

woo woo

THIS IS NOT A GAME PEOPLE.

Isiah Thomas said...

Tem, B&T being switched is unforgivable. I ball dip myself for that. It's been fixed.

*hanging head in shame*

Isiah Thomas said...

I was in a Tony Larussa like state when I wrote this.

Still unforgivable.

Isiah Thomas said...

Cubs being sold

Isiah Thomas said...

For those who saw BOG, pleasr compare/rank it with Anchorman and Ricky Bobby.

Isiah Thomas said...

tem if you have access to post you should have access to edit posts.

Isiah Thomas said...

and the hot chick has gone to an all tank top wardrobe.

Spaceman Spiff said...

zeke, install webcam immediately

Spaceman Spiff said...

my eyes got a workout over the past few days, i was an ogling machine. at the club tao, they have these bathtubs where 2 girls with pasties and thongs get in and dance.

ben said...

IMO blades of glory ranks right below anchorman/ricky bobby....only because it's a skating movie.

El Padrino said...

vegas is awesome

ben said...

I like pastries...especially bear claws

oh you said pasties...those are even better.

El Padrino said...

well ben you can either hold that against ferrel or praise him and rank it higher

takes balls to make a ice skating parody and make it funny

ferrel is a god.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'll look into that spiff.

Apparently Mcmahon's guy lost and he got his head shaved last night.

ben said...

the thing with anchorman is the ability to watch it over and over again and it gets funnier each time...Blades has that, but the jury is still out on whether it stands the test of time.

El Padrino said...

i ordered wrestlmania

vince is bald

ben said...

I would have never guessed that Trump's guy would win.

El Padrino said...

stone cold stunned shane mc mahon
vince, umaagga, and donald trump

ben said...

why aren't stats for yesterday's games showing up on yahoo fantasy?

Isiah Thomas said...

I might have to order some MLB games today to watch at work.

Steve said...

Seriously, how is this guy not hated more than J.J.

I don't understand.

Isiah Thomas said...

probably early season glitches

Isiah Thomas said...

blocked on the vid, if its college basketball related, you'd have to do a lot to be more hated than JJ.

El Padrino said...

i hate noah more than JJ for sho

before this vid was linked

El Padrino said...

undertaker

15-0

Spaceman Spiff said...

ben, you must be getting glitched, i saw stats late last night, and i dont have the stattracker thing

ben said...

I hate noah more then JJ...JJ was an ass, but at least he was a good enough player to be an ass.

Spaceman Spiff said...

just imagine noah and his antics on dook, he might have been murdered.

ben said...

I hate humphrey's too...he is NIT version of JJ.

Spaceman Spiff said...

i hate teams leaving humphrey open, wake up

Isiah Thomas said...

Dook Vitale's good eye would have popped out of his skull calling a Dook game with Noah in it.

"OOOOOOOOO NOOOO-AAAHHHHHH" *POP*

Hey did you guys know that all of FLA's best players decided to forego NBA careers and came back for another run this year?

ben said...

they even asked thad motta if they'll ever see anything like that in college basketball ever again.

El Padrino said...

no zeke i didnt hear that

wow, please elaborate but first wait until i put this shotgun in my mouth

ben said...

I've heard that Greg Oden is the best center in college basketball since George Mikan. Did you know that he's really right handed.

Isiah Thomas said...

alright for 20$ I bought a month of MLB.tv premium content.

Supposedly you can watch 6 games at once, why, I don't know but you can.

ben said...

mlb.com is blocked here

Isiah Thomas said...

did you guys hear Billy Packer deficate all over Oden, the exchange went something like this (paraphrasing)

Nantz: Oden...some people Billy are putting him in Walton's class already is he there?

Packer : No....NO....not yet.

Nantz: Does he have the potential to be one of the best.

Packer : No....NO.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'll wait until you're locked and loaded EP, then I'll tell you how unselfish they are and what great teammates they are, and how they all love college life.

ben said...

billy packer is a genius

ben said...

did you know that the 4 guys all room together?

ben said...

and that nobody on the team averages more then 10 shots a game..

temwr said...

I can't edit any posts other than the ones I post. That is fine with me though.

The NIT made those shirts, not West Virginia. Don't blame us.

Isiah Thomas said...

supposedly, Noah's dad is a former pro tennis player and his mom is a model.

This Horford guy's dad is a former NBA player.

temwr said...

tem prediction:

OSU 69

UF 69


the game has to be suspended until a later date due to Billy Packer's head exploding. and taking jim nantz and sam ryan out in the process.

ok so that is really just a dream not a prediction.

El Padrino said...

i wonder what noah's dad thinks of his little girl

Spaceman Spiff said...

zeke, didnt you get pissed last year when mlb TV was not working, games were blacked out or some shit

Isiah Thomas said...

MLB will broadcast regular season tv over the net, they only broadcast audio for playoff games live.

Isiah Thomas said...

you can watch playoff games on their site but only after they've been played.

Isiah Thomas said...

we need to set an over/under on Noah's screams + arm flexes for tonight.

I'd say 15

Joke Noah said...

15? Hellll naw mayne.

I scream and flex more than that when Horford and Coach B gang bang me after every victory. My ass has literally taken a beating in the last two years.

I'd say the o/u is closer to 40.

*AHHHHHHHH, double tricep flex (that's 1)

ben said...

reading Klosterman's recap of the weekend in Atlanta is hilarious.

Isiah Thomas said...

and we're underway with mlb.com tv....on now....Tigers vs Blue Jays

Steve said...

I hate parents.

This dude stopped by my office to tell me a story about his baby.

Apparently the little bastard stared at the waitress all night last night.

Seriously...that was his entertaining antidote.

WTF!!!

temwr said...

That's what happens when you take kids to Hooters.

Isiah Thomas said...

switched to Yanks/Rays

Crawford with the SB

temwr said...

I think Crawford is on my team, but I don't know.

Isiah Thomas said...

Matsui has to be 45 yrs old

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Ben, have yo considered my suggestion for your new pic?

Isiah Thomas said...

AROD JUST MISSED HIS FIRST POP-UP OF THE SEASON!

booya

Isiah Thomas said...

he couldn't make the grab of a foul ball about halfway down the 3rd base line

ben said...

deke-
I like the picture...it's definitely in the running

Isiah Thomas said...

not a good start for aguez

Isiah Thomas said...

I had to turn the volume on to hear the booing.

temwr said...

he'll cry later.

Isiah Thomas said...

1) they just showed the "Career K Leaders" graphic for the D-Rays and Kazmir is on top. Hey Met's fans!

2) I'm starting the ABJ campaign NOW.

Isiah Thomas said...

oh yeah the announcers pulled the "Its such a windy day here" excuses....

it looks cold but not overly windy.

A-Guez down 0-2`

Isiah Thomas said...

Joe Torre is slowly morphing into a Lord of the Rings looking creature.

Isiah Thomas said...

*Abreu down 0-2

Isiah Thomas said...

2 on 1 out for Gay Rod

Isiah Thomas said...

shots of people standing and clapping for gay r

temwr said...

who is pitching for the yanks?

Isiah Thomas said...

GR is pulling the high socks routine.

You're not street buddy.

Isiah Thomas said...

pavano vs kazmir

temwr said...

its early in the season, but a rod will still choke.

i smell DP ball

Isiah Thomas said...

2-2, swing the bat buddy

Isiah Thomas said...

full count

temwr said...

kazmir sounds like a wizard from Lord of the Rings.

Isiah Thomas said...

3-2, men on 1st and 2nd, 1 out...

runners go....and....wait for it.....

STEEEEEERIKE 3 (swinging)

and the boo's rain down.

ben said...

but jdamon got me a stolen base, so I cheer.

Isiah Thomas said...

and Giambi comes through with a bases clearing single, in an unrelated event, A-Rod applies more purple lipstick

Isiah Thomas said...

seriously, Matsui is looking old and crater faced.

Let's add him to the "guys you don't to see in HD" list :

1) Lou Holth
2) Noah
3) Matsui

Isiah Thomas said...

4) Charlie Weis's pants

Isiah Thomas said...

early critigues of MLB.com tv:

no boxscore/stats readily available

Isiah Thomas said...

Kazmir is crumbling.

ben said...

on a related note, i am winning 8-0

Isiah Thomas said...

A-Rod's first full inning:

1 E
1 K, 2 LOB

ben said...

not an error by not catching a foulball.

Isiah Thomas said...

kazmir rallies....

ben check and see if Abreu has a SB also

Isiah Thomas said...

watching the replay it looked like an E....he overran it and reached back and missed

ben said...

yahoo gave Abreu an sb

ben said...

espn has A-rod listed in the detail as an error, but not as part of the game totals, weird.

ben said...

yahoo gives A-rod an error

ben said...

natty z

ben said...

that was a weak comment for the last one on that z but I had a panic attack.

ben said...

who is brianallen002003?

ben said...

whoever he is, i'm kicking his ass

ben said...

and I don't know anything about baseball, he probably doesn't though either.

ben said...

what is a double natch z?

Isiah Thomas said...

I noticed that too, not a good start for A-Rod either way.

ben said...

Oden up in the house, taking over LOV, just like he will in ATL tonight.

temwr said...

jesus block

Isiah Thomas said...

double natch?

Ghost Town Z

temwr said...

as in Jesus called and told me to stop Ben's natty z run.

Also, Ben, natty Zs don't count for you. Only prime Zs.

ben said...

oh yeah, i forgot about the prime z's

Spaceman Spiff said...

mccann with first MLB homer of season

ben said...

if Beth wasn't on her lesbian cruise she'd be bragging up mccann

temwr said...

She probably is.

The whole cruise is watching baseball.

Isiah Thomas said...

I had to beat down some TPS so I can get the tv going again.

Isiah Thomas said...

and Jose Contreras is crapping the bed, nice.

Isiah Thomas said...

god damn CC Sabathia is a fat bastard.

El Padrino said...

"She probably is.

The whole cruise is watching baseball."


hahhahahahahahhaa

nice one tem

El Padrino said...

dam im pissed off
u hate when my systems are fucked up, mainly cuz i hate tech guys
and that means i gotta deal with them all day

FFUCCKKKKKK

El Padrino said...

it's shitty out, not that windy though but shitty

gay rod getting booed on opening day = priceless

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Work blows today.

El Padrino said...

i'm sorry but i didnt know Freddy Garcia and Adam Eaton were the two pieces the Phillies were missing to win the division....

Why Not Us?

El Padrino said...

i feel ya meiz

Isiah Thomas said...

somehow I can access yahoo fantasy today. bonus.

Isiah Thomas said...

all 3 outs for the Chisox in the bottom of the 1st were flyballs to the warning track. You can do it CC, fuck it up.

Spaceman Spiff said...

smoltz is doing work, making rev shiver

Spaceman Spiff said...

5innings/7 K so far

Isiah Thomas said...

Cory Lidle Airways is proud to welcome Adam Dunn on-board for the 2007 season. Nice dinger to start the year. Now go 0-fer the rest of the day to keep that .200 avg in tact.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm not in love with MLB TV, but I'm in "serious like-like" with it.

temwr said...

I think I have CC and Bonderman going for me today.

I am pretty sure Bonderman got off to a rocky start.

At least he isn't Contreas.

Spaceman Spiff said...

someone remind andruw jones he's in a contract year, please

Isiah Thomas said...

my teams ERA is currently 45

temwr said...

why isn't buehrle starting for the chisox?

Isiah Thomas said...

Jose has men on 1st and 2nd with no outs to start the 2nd.

Uh no way jose.

temwr said...

I don't think a 45.0 ERA is going to get it done.

What's your whip? 9?

Isiah Thomas said...

ozzie visits the mound, I presume their talk went as follows:

Ozzie: quit fucking up mayne.

Jose : Ok boff.

El Padrino said...

i got two nationals on my team = not good

Isiah Thomas said...

its a robust 6

Isiah Thomas said...

....and two runs score on a throwing error....

Isiah Thomas said...

actually konerko botched it....

Spaceman Spiff said...

contraras is absolutely killing my other team, where the league has fantasy points, he has wiped out all the positive points from every other player combined so far

El Padrino said...

i still dont know how this fatasy thing works in regards to the pitchers

Spaceman Spiff said...

i have the nationals best pitcher, hopefully he gets traded

El Padrino said...

if none of my starters are pitching i get no stats and lose

wtf

Isiah Thomas said...

EP - same deal as hitters

their stats accumulate in their respective categories and you "win" a category when you get more wins, saves, k's, etc

Isiah Thomas said...

you don't lose or get negative points when your SP's don't pitch - you only get credit (+/-) when they pitch

temwr said...

you get an N/A for ERA and WHIP. You need to throw at least a third of an inning to qualify for those categories.

Isiah Thomas said...

and Pavano shit the bed

temwr said...

so if you send one guy out for 1/3 of an inning and he gets an out.

you will end up winning WHIP and ERA but losing the other pitching stats.

El Padrino said...

gotcha

Spaceman Spiff said...

so if we have good ERA we can just bench people?

Isiah Thomas said...

A-Gay's flysout with no one on base to lead off the inning, come on AG, that's prime solo HR territory for you.

El Padrino said...

saw babel

not a move to watch when your buzzed

didnt quite understand where the Chinese bush came into play but was all for the twat shots

also, did the kids go thru that ordeal in mexico or what

again not a good movie to watch while drinkin, will re-watch when sober

Isiah Thomas said...

spiff I'm not sure if there is a min IP rule, if there's not Freak dropped the ball.

Isiah Thomas said...

Contreras is done for the day, bases loaded no one out

Isiah Thomas said...

wow 2 more runs score, Contreras line will not be pretty. I think my computer just let out a loud shitting noise from that performance.

Steve said...

Some people, just need to be shot

Isiah Thomas said...

I had to close Yahoo's Stattracker....I want to be surprised when I see Contreras's final ERA.

Spaceman Spiff said...

there is a minimum innings, but its just 9 for the team i think

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