Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Hot Chicks Help Me Bowl

So here I am at work and I can either go help a fellow employee out and explain something about capital accounts or type my daily post. Really, there is no choice. Hail to the blog!

Anyway, yesterday I learned that I can't bowl unless there are hot chicks near me bowling. Yesterday I threw a dismal 103 and 123. We were bowling a bunch of dudes and we were surrounded by all the team of retarded people, the fat chick team and some other dude teams. The teams with the hot chicks were very far away. I was saddened and no amount of beer could make me bowl better. I came to the conclusion that this is why football teams have cheerleaders, because men perform better when there are hot chicks nearby.

NFL free agency signing is off the hook crazy. All sorts of players going everywhere. It will settle down in about 10 days, but it's been crazy so far. The Patriots must be pissed that they lost because they are going hard core after some name players. I am sure a certain "famous enough to get into a celeb go-kart race" sports writer will write an opinion on this. So I'll save my comments for my diary of said writer. I don't have enough material to waste any here. Remember, D-.

Some teams have locked themselves into the NCAA, but I doubt this is news to anyone. I think knowing your audience is a key to D- writing and I know that telling you who is in already is pointless. You already know. So instead I will talk about the Big East tourney. I am sure most of my predictions will be wrong, but I'm going to make some anyway. Also I am a total WVU homer and have them going about 2 or 3 rounds too far, but IDGAF:

Round 1:
Nova over Depaul
Cuse over UConn
WVU over Providence
Marquette over St. Johns

Round 2:
G'Town over Nova
Cuse over Notre Dumb
WVU over Louisville
Pitt over Marquette

Round 3:
G'Town over Cuse
WVU over Pitt

Round 4:
G'Town over WVU

OK that's enough of that, have at it bee snatches.

539 comments:

1 – 200 of 539   Newer›   Newest»
temwr said...

Has anyone seen that ESPN 360 cartoon commercial with Walton and some kid and a frisbee? WTF?

ToddPacker said...

nice job, tem... sorry to hear about your bowling troubles, maybe meiz will advise

El Padrino said...

is that the samw walton cartoon where the dork kid gets hit in the face with a basketball

El Padrino said...

wvu in the finals is laughable but i will humor you

El Padrino said...

meiz please advise on the hot chick theory in regards to bowling

whocares said...

Saw that dude for the Bears said he wouldnt play for them if they placed the franchise tag on him.

I'm not 100% sure what the franchise tag actually means.


Please advise.

thejaywhite said...

sportsguy wrong...zags won over santa clara...

TJW should be here most the day to shed some value to your lives

thejaywhite said...

franchise means you must sign with your old team..but you get an average of the top 5 salaries in the league at your position...seems like a good deal to me..Id take it any day

El Padrino said...

i like the franchise tag too
helps teams retain important players with the intent to sign them after thier franchise tag year

for instance if a team cant afford a popular player because of cap issues they can tag them, then next year when they couyld they re-sign to extension

El Padrino said...

but jaywhite it was a whitewash
i thought i was watching hoosiers or something

thejaywhite said...

theres noway the zags were gonna lose that game...Im worried my spartans are gonna get an 8-9 seed and go home in the 2nd round..

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

I announce my presence.

El Padrino said...

izzo is a tough out every year
i wouldnt worry too much

Isiah Thomas said...

woo woo

THIS IS NOT A GAME PEOPLE.

El Padrino said...

New LOB entry posted, enjoy

Isiah Thomas said...

EP how many contributors you got? I think I might apply.

ben said...

Gonzaga will probably win one game in the tourney. Gotta give them one because of their experience, plus having a good PG is key in the NCAA's. That's why MSU will do well, as Neitzel is the bomb.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

I dreamed last night that I had turned 21, and refused to drink any beer during the party.

I'm a weird guy.

Isiah Thomas said...

good to see TJW back in the building.

ben said...

Yeah,
El Pad, you gotta hook me up to contribute. I've got some beer game.

ben said...

This was probably talked about last night, but Ron Ron has to be sad now, got "excused" from the team.

Isiah Thomas said...

don't forget MSU got BOUNCED by lowly GMU last year....

and yeah the SC/Gonzaga game was a whitewash a lot. Almost like you traveled back in time to watch a game.

Isiah Thomas said...

ron ron, innocent until proven guilty my friend.

ben said...

horrible intentional foul call at the end of the GMU/VCU game. Yeah he grabbed his jersey, but the ref basically ended the game.

Isiah Thomas said...

is Notre Dame any good? I see they have a high ranking....

and interesting theory, a direct correlation between athletic performance and the proximity of hot chicks.

103 in bowling is awful.

Isiah Thomas said...

that foul call was awful, you can't call that. The ref got too excited.

Losing that 5 point lead like that, GMU was shell shocked and done.

In your face laranaga.

El Padrino said...

ben i sent you the invite already, like 4 days ago-- to the email on your profile

zeke, give the email addy and you can contribute too

all i got is me, and if ben learns how to work a computer then it will be me and him

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm liking Louisville for some reason. No real analysis to back it up.

El Padrino said...

ND is great at home, decent on the road-- may upset a team or two
wouldnt be shocked if they reach sweet 16, got a couple of deadly shooters

ToddPacker said...

"and interesting theory, a direct correlation between athletic performance and the proximity of hot chicks"

i'm guessing tjw has some thoughts on this subject

ben said...

I was much better in Co-ed softball when the girls were hot, now IDGAF.

ben said...

el pad-

Sorry, i didn't get the invite.

El Padrino said...

love louisville
perfect for the tourney
and say what you want bout pitino but he can coach kids like no one's business

El Padrino said...

ben i'll send it again

Isiah Thomas said...

I've got a boy who goes to GMU grad school, he said the bandwagonning in the area was sickening. Part of me is glad they lost.

El Padrino said...

excerpt from a story on the DrudgeReport.com

"Near the end of the flight, the FBI said Gonzalez sat next to the woman as she was trying to sleep. He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. Court documents said she felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away. She told the officers he had ejaculated on her".

El Padrino said...

Ben :

Invite to ben@*********.com has been re-sent

El Padrino said...

zeke : done

Isiah Thomas said...

oops all ova ya face kid....er back

El Padrino said...

"Court documents said she felt a warm fluid on her back"

love this, are they sure it's semen
maybe he peed on her

ToddPacker said...

congrats to tjw for finally making the drudge report

ben said...

was this TJW that was on the plane with her?

ben said...

perhaps it was cumfast, and that's why he uses that as his nickname.

temwr said...

maybe he spilled his coffee

thejaywhite said...

whats the drudge report..im missin somethin here

ben said...

El Pad-
Still didn't get it.

Try this e-mail
tuck7612@yahoo.com

ToddPacker said...

"Im worried my spartans are gonna get an 8-9 seed and go home in the 2nd round"


jay i thought you were true blue to ND

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm in EP, thanks.

ben said...

the guys on ESPN keep bragging on Drexel and how they're going to be the surprise team this year.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

Topps being bought out

Isiah Thomas said...

ben has supernatural powers for reading other peoples comments before they go up.

ben said...

Yeah, maybe they should create a character on Heroes based on the ability to post the exact same thoughts as someone else at roughly the same time.

Isiah Thomas said...

I was so proud as a kid when I finally completed my '87 Topps collection, now I think its worth a good 75 cents.

ToddPacker said...

"ben has supernatural powers for reading other peoples comments before they go up"

ESLoVP ?

Isiah Thomas said...

The Law Offices of Ezekial Thomas, Esq. will call the studio and act as representation for you. "My client has real supernatural powers you know."

I will advise on the status.

El Padrino said...

ok ben

Isiah Thomas said...

Drexel got bounced in what their conference quarters or semi's? With VCU making it, it helps their chances, but 2 bids from the CAA again?

ben said...

Does Meiz drive a forklift?

ben said...

the guys doing the game last night acted like if GMU had won the game that the CAA might get 3 bids

ben said...

Thanks El Pad, I'm in. Sorry about having to re-send it.

El Padrino said...

ben if it happens again i knock your teeth in

El Padrino said...

i'm jokin

temwr said...

lots of TPS today.

give me something good to read when I get back.

has anyone ever printed out the comments section and taken them into the crapper with you? I might end up doing that today.

Isiah Thomas said...

Meiz - John Clayton is blogging that the Moss to the Pack is all but dead. RIP.

thejaywhite said...

ND football...spartan bball...spartan bball cause i grew up right near the U..and well I guess when I Was 10 or so I fell in love with the shawn respert era..I still cheer for ND bball but theyre a distant 2nd to me

ben said...

Moss to the Pats is alive and well. IF they get Moss, they become my AFC champion favorite.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

Pats don't have a 2nd rounder left, and no way they give up a first for Moss.

No way that deal gets done.

El Padrino said...

a 3rd and 5th could get it done

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

Pats already got their WR.

thejaywhite said...

I would never move moss for less than a 1st...motivated or not...I just would not give up that assett, Id rather let his contract expire in a few years, franchise him and let someone sign him so I get 2 1sts..I would never just give a talent like him away no matter how destructive and a cap burden he is. Raiders are crap anyways so why look bad in a trade.

JFreak the legend of thundercunt said...

Porter signs with the Dolphins.

Isiah Thomas said...

no way someone would give up 2 #1's for moss in 2 or 3 years.

and Wes Walker is a glorified return guy, not sure why the Pats made that deal.

El Padrino said...

poor man's ricky prohel
no #1

whocares said...

Has anyone seen the pics of Manning at the sweet sixteen birthday party?

If not, they're pretty funny, and they're on Deadspin.

Too lazy to link.

Isiah Thomas said...

wow $20 mil guaranteed for Porter. wow.

El Padrino said...

fuck
i wanted the gmen to grab porter

Isiah Thomas said...

I hope Peyton didn't accept money from terrorists.

ben said...

Somebody was writing about how much guaranteed money was getting shelled out this season, it's ridiculous. The broncos guaranteed Travis Henry 12million, utterly stupid.

Isiah Thomas said...

Porter and Coughlin go BOOM.

El Padrino said...

i was hoping porter would just eat coughlin and that would be that

ben said...

Peyton Manning at a sweet 16 party...hahahahahaha.

There are no words

ben said...

The mavs have already clinched a playoff spot.

El Padrino said...

50-5 since starting out 0-4

don't act like your not impressed

El Padrino said...

i'm sorry to say i think it's subpar

whocares said...

Re: The DS post.


Zeke, you're trying too hard. It sounds forced.

The Rev said...

I don't know about that one.

It's like you were trying too hard, Zeke.

The one yesterday seemed more natural.

The Rev said...

WC had the same thought.

Just call me Ben.

ben said...

yeah, it has potential, but something is missing.

Isiah Thomas said...

I appreciate the comments. It didn't feel right as I was writing it. I was trying to go for part embarrassment for DSteve, part hatred for DS's bloggers.

I will delete and try to come up with something better.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm thinking something short and simple might be effective:

something like :

I like to shove hot rocks up my ass.

El Padrino said...

or "hey DS do you enjoy ass pearls as much as me?"

ben said...

I'd start with something appreciative of Dan, and then finish with a good one liner, like the rocks in my ass thing.

ben said...

that way people will read it, thinking it's intelligent. and then be appalled.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Re: Hot chicks.
Hot chicks have no effect on my bowling. Well, yes they do. I don't care what I shoot when there's honeys around. Usually too busy tryin' to holla. Yanno, smackin' butts and shit like that.

Moss to Pack: IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!!

El Padrino said...

meiz i like where your heads at today

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

gotta work some more. Back in a hot one.

El Padrino said...

340MM Mega Millions
buyin tickets now

if i win
i'm buyin a brothel and a mountain

ben said...

how about a brothel on a mountain.

ben said...

I can't wait to see a fat guy wear these

El Padrino said...

wow, a brothel on a mountain
yeah!!!

El Padrino said...

are those new uni's?

ben said...

those are nike's new uni's. I think 4 different teams are wearing them for conference tourney's and possibly NCAA's.

Syracuse, Florida, THE Ohio State, and Arizona are wearing them.

Isiah Thomas said...

those are basketball uni's if basketball was played in West Hollywood.

ben said...

according to the uni guy on ESPN page 2, the tight shirts are undershirts and aren't expected to be worn in games

OSU's jersey's are going to have the Lebron 23 logo on them.

and florida's jersey's gave a gator like pattern like this

ToddPacker said...

i think florida already wore those uni's twice this year

ben said...

yeah, they wore them against Tennessee

Isiah Thomas said...

I hope these uni's go the way of those old school NFL zebra pattern pants.

El Padrino said...

ron-ron must be meeting with his legal team

ben said...

bitch busted his windshield on his hummer.

El Padrino said...

EVa Mendes

keep in mind what i said yesterday

you all have it in you, go find it

El Padrino said...

i mean jezzzzzuz

that is a henie

ben said...

damn that's tasty

ben said...

I think i want a burrito for lunch now.

El Padrino said...

yea

bask in that

what a fucking heine

El Padrino said...

exquisute heine

ben said...

"The suit claims "Combs, also known as 'Diddy,' also known as 'P. Diddy,' also known as 'Puff Daddy,' also known as 'Puffy,' hereinafter Defendant Combs," suddenly said to the Plaintiff, "What the f**k you looking at dude?'" Combs then allegedly followed up by yelling, "I'll smack flames out of your ass!"

ben said...

I'll smack flames out of your ass...classic.

Isiah Thomas said...

nazi'd on the link....sounds like I'm missing out.

El Padrino said...

you are zeke
you are

ben said...

I don't want people to miss out on Eva.

El Padrino said...

however they seem to be from a mag spread so maybe you'll find them eventually

just follow the smoke cuz where there's smoke there is
FFFIRRRREEEE

El Padrino said...

good job ben

ben said...

she's definitely smokin

Spaceman Spiff said...

this is the first time ive seen butler favored by so little

Isiah Thomas said...

well done Ben.

I want to get to know that thing.

ben said...

wright state already beat Butler once this year.

Isiah Thomas said...

after Training Day she shouldn't be afraid of nudity. And apparently she isn't.

Spaceman Spiff said...

weber state -2.5

El Padrino said...

i like butler
they traded wins
this time a bid is on the line

El Padrino said...

her tits in training day made me so happy

El Padrino said...

with those dark coffee colored nipples....mmmmmmmm.......

temwr said...

What is the new name for zfmm today? Where is the DS post? Is zeke slipping?

ben said...

Yeah, i think if zeke doesn't have a DS post and new name today, he should have to change his name to 'zeke blows goats'

ben said...

damn it's a slow LOV day

El Padrino said...

rev:

"David Bell, a veteran of a dozen major league seasons, received six packages of HCG at a Philadelphia address last April, when he played for the Phillies. The cost was $128.80, and the drug was prescribed in conjunction with an Arizona antiaging facility. Bell acknowledges receiving the shipment but tells SI the drug was prescribed to him "for a medical condition," which he declined to disclose, citing his right to privacy."

The Rev said...

I ain't got much today.

I'm spending the whole day today pissed off at work.

This place is really getting to me.

The Rev said...

David Bell...

He's getting drugs, and he still stunk!

He ain't our problem anymore. He's the Brewers problem.

El Padrino said...

rev go tyson on they assess

Keith S said...

Yeah the Phils upgraded to Wes Helms didn't they?

The Rev said...

If you call that an upgrade, then yes they did.

The Rev said...

Evan Fields = Evander Holyfield

that's funny.

The Rev said...

He should have used the name Ron Mexico

ben said...

david bell was definitey on the juice when he was in seattle.

Same with the guy who played 2B whose name seems to be escaping me right now.

Keith S said...

At least Helms sucks w/o the use of HGH.

Keith S said...

Bret Boone

El Padrino said...

i cant believe Kurt Angles was in that report

It's true!
It's true!

Isiah Thomas said...

end of month TPS reports piled up for a min....still no excuses

I'm liking ZFMM, haven't got a better name yet. He hasn't even posted a comment yet so it doesn't matter.

As for a DS quote I've been trying to think of a better one while doing these reports.

Attacking the queer angle and/or the commentators over there has been done, and making it a hate filled comment on DS isn't punishment.

I've got the keys to the Ferrari and its sitting in the garage. WTF zeke?

I'm open to suggestions.

ben said...

Yep, Bret Boone, what a loser.

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...

Where is the DS post? Are we using the long one?

The Rev said...

Your Olympic Hero... Kurt Angle!

It's damn true!

ToddPacker said...

did i miss the ds day 2 comment?

ben said...

I say you bash on DS's kid, Gabe. Especially since he's pimping his new "varsitydad" blog in today's quickie.

Isiah Thomas said...

not a bad suggestion there Ben...I like it.

TP - the first attempt at a comment today was lame, no comment yet today.

Isiah Thomas said...

the only problem is ripping on Shanoff or his kid isn't punishment.

I'd like to do that.

The lost wager must be something degrading like having a nekkid Harry Potter pic up for a week.

temwr said...

I am sure you can come up with something solid zeke.

temwr said...

Just break down Dan and the lamest of commentors one by one and let zffm explain to them why they can ass rape him whenever they want.

Something like:

"Dan, I know that some other guy plows your wife non stop, but you can take your frustrations out on my ass.

Dude with a pic of him and his wife, I can see that your wife is very shrewlike and that probably isn't a bad thing. I know you need to release some sexual energy, feel free to use my ass.

Cumfast, I know that you blow your load too quickly, but you can pound my ass multiple times. So stick it in there, blow your wad, and come back when you are ready again. I'll be here.

Stain dude, I've never had someone as ugly as you. I'd love to have your ugliness in my ass."

ToddPacker said...

very nice, tem

ToddPacker said...

i'd like to see B&T make an appearance on the ds site sometime this week

ToddPacker said...

that potter pic is disturbing... i'm glad steve isn't commenting as much as he used to

Isiah Thomas said...

I'm thinking I might expand on the Mom/Dad hooker angle, talk about DSteve's life more

temwr said...

B&T but call it DS and Big Stain or some other dude.

ToddPacker said...

who is big stain?

Isiah Thomas said...

big stain is freak

ToddPacker said...

that's right... how soon i forget... apologies to the legend

temwr said...

Oh, I don't read that blog, so all I got to go on is names you throw out at me. Umm is Big D a name? Go with Big D then.

temwr said...

I also now remember Big Stain from the war day.

temwr said...

Call it gator head and dan and remove the brutus head and replace it with some ugly head.

temwr said...

"And that one chick who's face looks like a rotting pumpkin, I'm sure you're packing heat so pound away."


I am dying laughing at my desk right now.

Isiah Thomas said...

I'll find a pic of Shanny and put it in Brutus's place.

ToddPacker said...

my 2 favorite lines:

"I keep it clean and it smells like oranges"


"And that one chick who's face looks like a rotting pumpkin"

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

Dude, that's just plain old inappropriate. It makes me giggle.

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...

DS Post up.

ToddPacker said...

steve wastes no time

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...

Steve is busy fucking around with an BDE error.

"And that one chick who's face looks like a rotting pumpkin, I'm sure you're packing heat so pound away."


LOL, that's pretty funny

Isiah Thomas said...

well done Dsteve

El Padrino said...

do i have to go to his blgo to see this

ToddPacker said...

it was posted here, ep... i don't know what happen to it

temwr said...

Yeah where did it go?

temwr said...

Meiz please advise RE: proper bowling technique.

ToddPacker said...

did zeke delete it?.... that must have happened earlier also... i never saw zeke's 1st attempt

Isiah Thomas said...

my bad, I deleted it after he put it up.

cumfast posted like 3 comments after it (not related to it) to try and move it up the screen.


Most nights I lie in my bed and wonder why I’m such a failure in life. Granted, having a carney for a Dad and a failed hooker for a Mom isn’t a good start, but I can’t blame why I suck on that. Maybe it’s the fact that I pick my nose and eat it, or maybe because I’ve tasted my own #3 just to see what its like - and is it wrong that I enjoyed it? I don’t think so.

My life up to this point has been a total malfunction, I’m not worthy of Earth. I’m too scared to try and kill myself because I’m afraid I’ll screw that up too. If I didn’t have this blog I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. Daniel gives me a reason to live, he makes me feel warm inside, and the tingling I get in my loins after reading the.best.blog.ever. is beyond words. I pray that one day I will become a Varsity Dad like Daniel, but my chances aren’t looking good. Hopefully the laws will change soon and my “union” will become a legal marriage. I don’t even want to think about the adoption process right with my partner.

I know some of you regulars out there are in the same boat as me. I offer my ass up to anyone who wants it, I keep it clean and it smells like oranges.

Brian in Oxford – The woman in your pic is very shrew like, maybe it’s not a bad thing, but I’m sure you have some pent up sexual energy, please feel free to use my ass.

CMFost, aka cumfast, I know you have a problem blowing your load too quickly, but don’t worry, you can pound me multiple times, So stick it in there, blow your wad, and come back when you are ready again. I'll be here.

Big D - I've never had someone as ugly as you. I'd love to have your ugliness in my ass.

And that one chick who's face looks like a rotting pumpkin, I'm sure you're packing heat so pound away.

Finally, Daniel, I know that some other guy plows your wife non stop, but you can take your frustrations out on my ass.

Daniel, thank you for all your hard work. You are a paragon of virtue in the crazy world that I call my life. Pray for me, I still hear the lambs.

P.S. Do you like to shove hot rocks up your ass too Daniel?

Isiah Thomas said...

and I deleted the comments about giving proper credit to tem, EP and ben.

El Padrino said...

i'm going buck wild @ lids.com

ToddPacker said...

frosty almost got a natty z after the steve post

Isiah Thomas said...

cumfast always hits new lows....

temwr said...

cummy will be here soon i suspect with a gay link or something.

El Padrino said...

pretty awesome

ben said...

brilliant work guys

ben said...

I go to lunch and the bomb gets dropped. Nice to see.

Although i'm still concerned about the lack of reaction.

Selection monday might need to shut down the DS blog.

Isiah Thomas said...

Eva L's heinie

SFW

ben said...

Borat comes out today

temwr said...

Away for awhile. Keep the chatter going.

ToddPacker said...

"Borat comes out today"


that's cmfrost-like, ben... i think we covered that about 6 hours ago

Tyler said...

RE: Yesterday: "From LA and uses a Mac" - that's me. I was in 2 hour harassment training yesterday so that's why the bat signal failed. Wow, 2 hour harassment training sucks.

ben said...

TP-
that had to be on the other thread then.

Tyler said...

Did Tem lose a bet and have to rename his basketball team in honor of Mills and his love of the Moosecock? I saw that this morning and nearly spit out a mouthful of my latte.

ToddPacker said...

yea, i think you're right, ben...

ToddPacker said...

mills is a weasel

ben said...

tyler-
Nope, it's just from the loathing and hate of mills. Didn't help that the day the bracket started was the day that Mills was being a weasel.

The Rev said...

2 hour harassment training...

So obviously, Tyler, this means you are much better at harassment than before, right?

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